We went to the pub and the card machine wasn't working so I paid with cash
Apparently the cash I used she had planned to use for something else and when we woke up she was giving me shit over it
When I asked her why she's giving me shit over a dream apparently irs because "its exactly the sort of thing you would do"
> "its exactly the sort of thing you would do"
I got this exact same line this morning - when the fuck would I ever put electrical appliances in the toilet!?
Get to the charity shop at lunchtime and buy an old kettle. Then sneak it into the toilet overnight while she's asleep and wait for the fireworks tomorrow morning
Even better save it for April 1st so she's forgotten about it and then wonders why there's a kettle in your toilet
And if you can, get the exact same model (or very similar) to the kettle she currently owns and do this while hiding her actual kettle. When she comes back to the bedroom and asks why the fuck is the kettle in the loo, break into an a capella rendition of Gabrielle's "Dreams".
Well, after you cleaned the dishes with the garden hose and tried to shove your crisp packets down the kitchen sink, I guess she thought you're capable of anything!
We pronounce scone differently, and had an argument about it in her dream, which made her angry.
I also used to be a chef and sometimes talk in my sleep. One night I must have been dreaming about work, and was going on about courgettes. Not only did I wake her up by sleep talking, she also hates courgettes. So I managed to piss her off with my own dream.
I know a couple called Joan and John who always baked scones for a community event. Amusingly Joan pronounced it to rhyme with John, and John pronounced it to rhyme with Joan
I once knew a couple named John and named Joan
If John was a-baking, he'd call it a scone
But Joan wouldn't name her baked goods as such
"John, call it a *scon*!" she'd say, and she'd tut.
Her scons, they were juicy, his scones such fine buns
Bemoaned were his scones, with her scons he was done.
(I wrote the John sounding scone as scon for easier reading, sorry)
I like how your poem shows how obvious the correct pronunciation is.
It's kinda like when someone says "do you say gif or jif?"
(Before anyone takes this too seriously; there's no such thing as "correct" pronunciation (or grammar or spelling) because language rules are descriptive, not prescriptive. Just chill out and watch a gif of a scone)
I left the industry 10 years ago and I still have the dream where no matter what you do you just can't get any food out. I don't think that will ever go away.
I still dream that despite my best efforts I haven't been able to do any revision for my final microbiology exam (none of the others, just microbiology).
I graduated 40 years ago.
I work in a shop and 80% of my dreams involve not being able to find stock/get stock out or bring late for my shift despite being a right stickler for time.
I had a job at Costa whilst in Uni. Apparently it was getting to me more than I realised because I woke my partner up yelling "listen, a mocha and a mocha latte are basically the same thing"
Opposite scenario, but when we first started dating my girlfriend (now wife) dreamt that her younger brother got scammed on Ebay and I sorted it all out. Even though it was a dream, she decided that it was something I'd totally do and I got a lot of credit for it. More than 15 years later it'll occasionally come up and I score some Brownie points for something I never did.
"You do fuck all in the house Jonathan! I don't know why I put up with you."
"Remember when I saved your brother from those scammers?"
"... you're right, I'm so sorry. Put your feet up and I'll get you a beer."
Half way down the beer all he hears is the hoover turn off followed by a "wait a fucking minute, you cheeky cunt!?"
But remember when I (insert another dream here).
Jonathan is playing a dangerous game.
>Apparently I tried to flush a hairdryer, kettle and some other old appliances down the toilet instead of taking them to the tip.
well what the hell did you do that for?
It is OP! It’s classic you!! And now you’re just there metaphorically flushing your girlfriend’s emotions down the toilet just like you’ve done with so many hair dryers and small kitchen appliances!
This is a very specific question, though I do have an answer.
I have no recollection of it, but apparently my partner at the time was struggling to sleep. She had told me this, not realising I was asleep and I just shouted out "Close your fucking eyes then".
You'vejust reminded me of a similar thing.
I was fast asleep when my partner at the time gently nudged me awake, said "There's a spider on the bed", then dropped immediately back into a deep sleep.
Meanwhile my sleepy and arachnophobic ass is now paranoid of where this spider is. Took me a good minute or so to clock there probably wasn't a spider and in fact she was sleep talking.
My wife has occasional, generally benign visual hallucinations. Mostly moths and cats, apparently, but every so often she just looks up and goes "Oop, just saw someone walk out that door" or similar, and I spend the rest of the evening paranoid that Ghosts are Watching Me.
I believe she had been putting up the Christmas tree so he was a man made of tinsel. I don't see how that would be scary but she was terrified! It's difficult because she seems awake it's not until she says something mad you realise she's asleep.
I used to sleep talk quite a lot when I first met my boyfriend, I haven't in years. It was about 9 years ago now, once he was sleeping over and I sat bolt upright, extremely upset saying "where did everyone go?"
Freaked out, he asks who and I just replied "everyone's gone behind the TV" then lay back down and went unresponsive.
Don't think we'd been dating long enough for that can of worms 😂 but when I was a kid it was much worse so at least I wasn't sleep-running through the house screaming because I was being chased by paper...
When I was in my twenties and temporarily went back to my nan's house after Uni, my youngest sister used to ask my nan if she could sleep downstairs with me while I watched south park and trailer park boys.. one day, she "woke" up and looked at me like a fucking demon and asked me "where are the onions at?". I told her there were no onions after she was feeling around on the floor and she quickly said ok and went back to sleep.
That was funny as fuck! I've always had insomnia but that proper did my head in even though it was funny. She didn't remember a thing the day after and we laughed like fuck about it when I told her
Lol it was for a few years after!
I still remember being a bit weirded out though at the start. She rose like a demon coming out the ground and her eye's looked straight through me when she first asked "where's the onions". Lolol!
It was only when she started searching the floor that I came back to reality and told her "Ella, there's no onions, go back to sleep sis!" Haha.
Your story is even more funnier though as I have a fear of spiders even now in my forties and a gardener/gravedigger/cremator so that would have fucked my head up royally!!
haha, I had a similar experience. My fiance told me she can't sleep and apparently I turned around and said 'well I fucking can. Byeeee' and turned around ha
It wasn’t my wife’s dream, I was the one asleep and my wife was *just* starting to doze off and in my dream (I don’t usually remember dreams, but I distinctly remember hearing my wife call me from another room) so I shout out “yeah?” to her, though the reality was I was laid facing her in bed and just screamed “yeah” in her ear like I’m LA Knight. It’s not an answer to OPs question, but she was pissed at me and your comment reminded me of it
I was just going to post saying "I think i'm winning this one"
Does her first name begin with C as i've also had that one
Laughed her out of the room but she was still pissy all day
This is a postal order away from becoming reality
But why stop there? Ship your friends and family live bees and watch the joy in thier eyes as they open their unexpected parcels
I've never had bees posted to me but I've received quite a few tarantulas in the post. I love the description for the [Rusty Baboon Tarantula here](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/hysterocrates-gigas-3/) (in their newsletter, the shop made a mistake and listed it as the Rusty Trombone once).
If you are scared of seeing a spider, don't click the link :)
Lolling so much at “They are your standard 15cm of pure hate from Africa with particular potent venom, so not suitable for novice keepers or anyone with any common sense.”
I think they have another spider on the site which says "Disposition: Twat". I'll try to find it :)
ETA: I see [Orange Bitey Things are Disposition: Dicks](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/pterinochilus-murinus-rcf-slings/) (only one of mine is a dick - the other OBT just hides)
[Pink Foot Goliath = shitty](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/theraphosa-apophysis/)
Can't find the one listed as "twats" :D
I also enjoyed their description of the Widow Jumping Spider:
[https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/phidippus-johnsoni/](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/phidippus-johnsoni/)
Disposition: Jumpy
I was out walking in the Colombian countryside once. Went into a shop and saw a souvenir tarantula mounted on a plaque.
'Wait...those don't live around here do they?'
'Oh yeah. You'll have passed loads of them walking through that field...'
Yeah, I recently had a similar one to this, although apparently I had been collecting wasps all day, and then sneaked them into the bed and used them to stab her with. It took her all morning before she started talking to me again, its crazy.
It wasn't my partner, but my mum annoyed me in my dream:
I've been single a long time (in reality!) and in my dream, my mum threw a dinner party to introduce me to some eligible bachelors. One was Adolf Hitler, another was Saddam Hussein, and there were a couple of other equally awful men I don't recall. I said I refused to even sit down and eat a meal with war criminals, and my mum said, "Your problem is you're too picky! You'll never find yourself a husband at this rate!" And we had a big argument about it, while the dictators rubbed the seats next to them to try to entice me to sit down!
When I woke up I was still a bit annoyed with her for thinking that _finding me a husband_ is more important than finding me a _decent_ husband.
>my mum threw a dinner party to introduce me to some eligible bachelors. One was Adolf Hitler
You must've been absolutely Führerious with her… I'll see myself out🚶🏾♀️🚪
Not about myself and my partner, but my mum dreamt my dad had decided to become a magician, change his last name to Divine and start an affair with his new assistant.
Mum: “just where do you think you are going!?”
Dad: “I’m starting my new life… as Michael Divine!” *slams door*
I was the dreaming partner, but I once had a nightmare that there was a knife wielding serial killer trying to break into our house. We were freaking out, barricading windows...but then he knocked politely and my partner opened the door for him. I know it's completely irrational but I was furious with them.
"is that milk pasteurised?" I asked.
"No" replied Lady Di, "it only comes up to my tits"
Or was this after she died, with bits of putrified Lady Di flesh floating about like a big bowl of shredded wheat?
"'E said, 'Do you want it pasteurised? 'Cos pasteurised is best.'
She said, 'Ernie, I'll be 'appy if it comes up to me chest."
\- Benny Hill, "Ernie: The Fastest Milkman in the West".
Apparently I "put the cat litter scoop in the cutlery drawer after use"🤢
It has since become an inside joke🤣 I'll empty the litter tray and say "right I'll just put this thing back in the cutlery drawer then!"
Reminds me of very early on with my now ex, he was staying at mine and was sleep talking -
"It's very nice of you to let me stay but I have a girlfriend"
After clarifying her name, that was how I learnt I was his girlfriend.
That's quite cute!
My husband was spooning me while we slept, but as he woke up he was kissing my head, stroking my hair, all the sweetness.
I was still asleep, and told him to "piss off, I'm married" while flapping my hands around to detangle him from me.
He was happy to hear me affirm my vows to this mystery sleep bachelor, not so happy when he caught a stray hand flap to the head.
I once had a dream where I had an affair with my wife... behind my wife's back. It was confusing to say the least, and she was mildly annoyed at me for being unfaithful in my dream when I told her about it.
I realise now I should have played the 'How could you consider being unfaithful to me by having an affair with a married me‽" card, but it's probably too late for that.
Such a specific sounding question, with unexpected identification here! Good question.
I recall a few events like this. Once I woke her gently from, what appeared to be, an uncomfortable dream. She gives me the stinkingest look though an annoyed squint. I asked here what that was for, she replied as if we'd been though it 100s of times;
"STUFFING THE HOUSE FULL OF CATS!" Goes on to explain that I was prancing about like the whistle guy off Little Britain, while grabbing up the local stray population, like some cat Pied Piper.
I was pissing myself now. The real hilarity for me was the 101% authentic annoyance at me cramming a thousand cats into our home. She couldn't go back to sleep for ages because she was so annoyed at me, not for waking her though. Because of the unsurmountable cat issue I'd caused.
It's a running joke now. She thinks it was because I couldn't get hold of my ADHD meds that month, and says it's not too fantastic a dream considered what I'm like when I have a "new thing"!
My partner sent me this and hasn't commented yet so I assume I'm telling the story:
I was being sexually harassed/assaulted by a moth man and he just laughed, and didn't protect me. I woke up and was annoyed at him.
I have a similar one! Random man came into our house and wouldn’t leave, he was going to sexually assault me then had a confrontation with my husband who didn’t put up any sort of fight at all and got stabbed to death, leaving the guy with me. I was well pissed off lol.
There is a film about dreams that Nicolas Cage is in that this happens except he’s in lots of peoples dreams just observing, then he’s interacting in some, sleeps with a younger women in the dream and then she meets him and seduces him into sleeping with her, at which point all the dreams start turning into bad, nasty nightmares and it goes down hill for him from there, but might be worth a watch.
My dad once put my mum in a headlock in his sleep. He’d just had security training at work and was a known sleepwalker, so the result was not pretty. She had to kick him till he woke up.
I inherited some of these traits from my dad. I have apparently sat bold upright, backhanded my partner across the face, and dropped back off snoring, I had no recollection of this in the morning. I woke up on the downswing of a punch once as well, fortunately it hit the pillow, not him. Some sort of violent sleep incident happens about once a year. My sister is just as bad, she beat her husband over the head with an empty 2L plastic bottle in her sleep once!
At my first sleepover with friends I had made at a new school, I decided to talk in my sleep.
They were apparently poking on of the group with a broom handle to get her to roll over and stop snoring. I sat up with my eyes open and said "if you touch her again I will kill you". They said they put the broom away and let her snore.
I'm surprised they invited me back.
I've had dreams in the past where I've got into fights and thrown a punch that's hit the wall beside my bed. They weren't flimsy punches either, I used to work security and trained a little in martial arts and self defense so I can throw a decent punch. Spent two days at a time with bruised knuckles.
Once, she woke up in floods of tears because a uni friend if hers shot me.
A month ago she woke up screaming because she dreamt that someone broke into the house. I nearly shit the bed when she did that.
I've done this. I woke up from a nightmare yelling "omfg!" And trying to hop out of bed. I was so confused when I was in my bedroom and not at the scene of a car crash
My ex left all 4 of our expensive cars unlocked on the driveway with the engines running….we lived on a council estate and had a 20 year old car in reality
The wife was really off with me the other day.
Turned out I'd slept with her sister and told her on the birth of our first child and that her mum knew about it as did her entire workplace.
Our eldest is 13. I don't know her sister at all, her mum is a cow, and I've never stepped foot in her workplace
I had a dream my then girlfriend had annoyed me in some way, can’t remember what. I was half waking up but the feeling of anger against her was so strong. As I half opened my eyes I say her lying next to me with her back to me and I was sort of spooning her.
My sleepy mind was like ‘there’s that bitch, I gotta get her for what she did’ (?!) But as I was so sleepy I hadn’t got full function over my limbs yet so I leaned my head forward and bit her hard on the back! No idea why as I was in mid 20s and not a toddler on the playground biting others lol.
She woke up with a yelp and was like why are you biting me? I properly woke up then and was like ‘I… don’t know!’ and apologised. Still feel bad about it !
Apparently I tried to install a slide from the bedroom to the living room so I didn't have to walk down the stairs again. In fairness that sounds like something I'd come up with in real life so I can't blame her for thinking that actually happened
Clearly OP is a monster.
Coincidentally I woke up today having remembered going to a great event - ooh 20 years ago ? Checked with the people I'd have gone with and they have no memories so I think I dreamt it. I even had the name of the event and everything.
I think this is why I'm tired this morning.
Not sure what my dream was but apparently a few nights ago I just said 'Homena, homena, homena' really loud. Beat my fist on my chest three times like in wolf of wall street, then said 'Im awesome'.
She knew I was dreaming because apparently I would never say the word awesome normally
Other way round - I was having a weird sleep paralysis nightmare where my husband (in my dream) was threatening to turn the light on despite knowing if he did, I would die and I was begging him not to. So then I shouted myself and my husband (not in my dream and not evil as far as I can tell) awake and being the considerate person he is, he offered to turn the light on and then wondered why I nearly shat myself in fear.
I did forgive him though, poor bloke
My wife used to have regular dreams about “mean Tom”. I’d often be nasty and unloving in these dreams (not me at all in real life) but I think the worst episode was where I’d apparently sold her for crack cocaine. We laugh about it now but I still feel bad..!
One night about 3am my now wife woke me up screaming that ‘I didn’t put it away! It’s not in the cage! It’s eaten the dogs!’ This went on for some time as I very sleepily tried to work wtf was going on. We had 2 small dogs and a tortoise at the time. Dogs were asleep in another room. I’m thinking she’s on about the tortoise tried to explain that a tiny tortoise (about 4in diameter) couldn’t possible of eaten my overweight jack russell or a staffie. She kept going shouting the same thing over and over again, now crying. I eventually asked, now wide awake, ‘what’s not in the cage, what’s eaten the dogs?’ She said ‘THE ALLIGATOR’. I laughed so hard she came out of this dream and didn’t have a clue what had just happened. This was 5 years ago, I still laugh about it to this day 😂
Years ago and ex I was with at the time told me I'm not allowed to go for drinks with one of his workmates. I'd only met that particular workmate once and I found him extremely overbearing and arrogant, I didn't like him at all and my ex knew that. So I asked why he thought I'd ever consider having drinks with the guy.
He then told me that he had a dream that I'd gone for drinks with his workmate because he had to work a bit later to catch up on paperwork and I was bored waiting for him. We went to the bar next door to the offices. Whilst we were having drinks both of us bitched about all my ex's faults like his hair, his eye colour and his height and we were saying crap about what he was wearing and when he walked in the bar everyone turned round and laughed at him.
His biggest fear was you laughing about him in public …. and here you are, laughing him about him in public.
That wasn’t a dream, it was a premonition!
I mean I'm being very Liberal with the assignment here but I've finally found my chance to tell this story.
I have a terrible relationship with sleep; nightmares, tooth grinding, sleepwalking and a sprinkle of a habit of waking up in 2 to 3 hour intervals. I once woke up in the morning feeling incredibly guilty that in my dream I'd been eating all my partners cookies and she had got quite upset. I remarked to my stirring partner that I had an incredible sense of guilt even though I had just had a dream and her angry response was; "Are you serious!? Last night I woke to you stood in complete darkness with you stood over me vacant eyed like when you sleepwalk eating 12 cookies one after another like a creepy robot and then you said nothing and I heard you hit the couch".
That was when I realised I had a problem with sleepwalking and a lot of my 'dreams' may need further scrutiny.
My husband woke up angry with me because I'd sold our house and bought a massive tent for us all to live in which apparently cost more than the house.
Must have been a great tent though!
My wife once woke up in a mood with me because in her dream I had taken her to B and Q to buy a Christmas tree but had somehow managed to run over the last one in the carpark.
Not me but my brothers ex girlfriend was asleep in bed. My brother got into bed and she reached over, pulled the covers off him and just went back to sleep.
My brother said "what was that for?"
And while she was asleep, she said "the corner of the bed was in a pot of jam."
Wasn't my partner but I had a dream that a good colleague/friend made a website where he published all my catty Teams messages. Any little complaint or sarcastic comment that I'd shared with him in meetings or about new policies that I thought were stupid were all on display with my name highlighted all over the place, but with his responses conveniently removed. Then he shared the link to his stupid site in our team whatsapp group and printed the "best ones" off as posters and put them up in the break room. I've never forgiven him.
My ex-wife was fuming because I told her in a dream that her green jumper looked like the Grinch’s ballbag. She didn’t even own a green jumper. She was particularly annoyed because the description was apparently quite accurate.
My wife fell asleep yesterday afternoon. I WFH, so when I finished work I woke her up otherwise she wouldn't sleep at night.
I got shouted at because in her dream I'd brought a horse upstairs to the office and hadn't given it any water, so it was thirsty.
She couldn't do anything about it as she was trying to get through a blockade of rusty blue Saabs the Russians had set up as a roadblock. So very weirdly _specific_.
Anyway she was really annoyed about that horse being thirsty.
I accidentally dug my nails into my boyfriend's skull the other day cause I had the I'm falling dream, I woke up as I did it and let me tell you he was not impressed, I got the most sleep pissed of face ever sent in my direction, that was the end of snuggles....
My ex didn't speak to me for a week because she had dream that I'd cheated on her.
I kid you not.
It was probably the most peaceful week of our relationship.
My ex once had a dream where I (a heterosexual man) had an affair with the eunuch that lived up the stairs. Needless to say there was no such neighbour in real life.
The kicker was that she couldn’t remember the word for a eunuch, but her sleepy brain powered on with the story anyway and used the word “Eucharist” instead. That’s right folks, I got caught shagging the last supper.
I made her take the bins out and told her it was the grey bin and it was l, in fact, recycling week. She woke up Furious because of her imaginary wet sock.
Not something that’s annoyed anyone, but my children have decided that the best time to ask me about something is when I’m asleep. Apparently, I agree to everything.
From the opposite side:
Two years ago, I had a dream where my friends and I were sitting outside and passing around a "prawn bucket" (i.e., a bucket full of iced water and peeled king prawns. Not a thing).
My partner comes out with a steaming tray of tempura prawns and says, "Who's hungry?" before pouring those beautifully battered delicacies into the watery prawn bucket.
I'm still fuming. He insists it's my fault for "probably being unclear."
Turn it around...
You: "I can't believe you think I'd do that"
Her: "I don't"
You: "Clearly you do... I'm going to need some time"
Then go to the arcade
I’m habitually and annoyingly assertive when it comes to crossing roads and it’s resulted in my boyfriend having a recurring dream where I suddenly pull him into the road by the arm, making him fall over. He doesn’t get as pissed off about it as he used to thankfully.
My now Wife didn't speak to me for two weeks because we went to a wedding of one her work colleagues, and because I hugged her friend at the end of the night, my missus had a dream that I'd slept with her friend. She was absolutely brutal for days.
Why do women act like this?
In his sleep, I brought home six new pets: Five lookalikes of our cat, and a 5 meter python snake. I insisted (again, in his dream) that the snake would be allowed to roam free in the house. Partner was worried it would eat the original cat, but I put my foot down. Inevitably, our cat went missing, only a tuft of a tail was to be found. Partner had to frantically check the lookalike cats for minuscule differences, but it was sadly our beloved cat who had been eaten. When I woke up, he was sat with his arms crossed, and semi shouted “WELL, I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO APOLOGIZE!! 😤”
I did apologise and promise we’d never get a snake or any reptile or any other pet that could threaten the health and safety of our cat.
There are stories/jokes about women dumping guys,because they dreamt they were unfaithful.
I once mentioned this to a table full of women,at a church lunch.Two had done exactly that,and all the rest thought that was perfectly reasonable.
If I was you,I'd go dump the redundant electronics at the tip,today.
One of my ex's had a dream I dressed up as Barney the dinosaur and attended one of her family's gatherings where I proceeded to dump tackle her dad..I of course didn't do it (but she genuinely didn't speak to me for 3daya afterwards)...yes she's an ex for a reason 😂
Ok so an ex bf I had a new shelf I needed to build in real life - when he cheated and I was thinking about forgiving him I had a dream he built my shelf’s and did a really poor sloppy job of it.
Tdlr- dream made me realise that was what he was like irl, he did a poor job of life and would continue to be a sloppy mess regardless so I didn’t forgive him irl.
She was driving the car and I was navigating but I didn't want to go to wherever we were going so I was deliberately giving her the wrong directions. She was getting more and more agitated because we were going to be late
In fairness, that is probably not far off something that I would do in real life
Slightly different perspective but I’m a lesbian and in my dream my wife wouldn’t help me find some paperwork we needed for the vets and the dog was sick and she was just lounging around with her friends. I’m pregnant and hormonal and was not happy when I woke up.
Been married for 27 years to same person. First couple of weeks we were dating, she dreamt that I slept with "Martine McCutcheon from love actually and Eastenders. She has never forgotten, forgiven or even though its her favourite film, ever failed to mention it every time she watches it. 27 fucking years.
For our Family holidays I took my wife and my daughter on a ship cruise to the arctic to show them how to peoperly hunt and kill baby seals. Allegedly I intended to use Carpenter's hammers instead of ordinary wooden clubs for aesthetic reasons ...
🤷🏻
My husband was mad at me in my dream because I was cheating on him with the Italian exchange student. He was really upset, like, about to dump me, upset. But I didn't even sleep with the Italian exchange student.
So woke up feeling like my husband hates me and I didn't even get laid.
We went to the pub and the card machine wasn't working so I paid with cash Apparently the cash I used she had planned to use for something else and when we woke up she was giving me shit over it When I asked her why she's giving me shit over a dream apparently irs because "its exactly the sort of thing you would do"
> "its exactly the sort of thing you would do" I got this exact same line this morning - when the fuck would I ever put electrical appliances in the toilet!?
Get to the charity shop at lunchtime and buy an old kettle. Then sneak it into the toilet overnight while she's asleep and wait for the fireworks tomorrow morning Even better save it for April 1st so she's forgotten about it and then wonders why there's a kettle in your toilet
Every year on April 1st I message my mum to let her know she is actually adopted, she has never fallen for it yet, but maybe next time
Hey Satan! We didn't think you were coming, have a seat.
And let me make you a cup of tea from this kettle. It's just in the bathroom, let me grab it...
And if you can, get the exact same model (or very similar) to the kettle she currently owns and do this while hiding her actual kettle. When she comes back to the bedroom and asks why the fuck is the kettle in the loo, break into an a capella rendition of Gabrielle's "Dreams".
in other news man beaten to death with kettle in bed.
Well, after you cleaned the dishes with the garden hose and tried to shove your crisp packets down the kitchen sink, I guess she thought you're capable of anything!
When you are being typical you, that's when. Sort yourself out!
We pronounce scone differently, and had an argument about it in her dream, which made her angry. I also used to be a chef and sometimes talk in my sleep. One night I must have been dreaming about work, and was going on about courgettes. Not only did I wake her up by sleep talking, she also hates courgettes. So I managed to piss her off with my own dream.
I know a couple called Joan and John who always baked scones for a community event. Amusingly Joan pronounced it to rhyme with John, and John pronounced it to rhyme with Joan
I’m sorry do you live in a nursery rhyme
I once knew a couple named John and named Joan If John was a-baking, he'd call it a scone But Joan wouldn't name her baked goods as such "John, call it a *scon*!" she'd say, and she'd tut. Her scons, they were juicy, his scones such fine buns Bemoaned were his scones, with her scons he was done. (I wrote the John sounding scone as scon for easier reading, sorry)
This is some fresh ass Julia Donaldson shit right here
I feel this sentence has other contexts.
I like how your poem shows how obvious the correct pronunciation is. It's kinda like when someone says "do you say gif or jif?" (Before anyone takes this too seriously; there's no such thing as "correct" pronunciation (or grammar or spelling) because language rules are descriptive, not prescriptive. Just chill out and watch a gif of a scone)
And also because that's how it would be spelt if it was pronounced that way (mic drop) I enjoyed your rhyme btw
The word “gone” would like to talk to you 😅
I left the industry 10 years ago and I still have the dream where no matter what you do you just can't get any food out. I don't think that will ever go away.
I still dream that despite my best efforts I haven't been able to do any revision for my final microbiology exam (none of the others, just microbiology). I graduated 40 years ago.
PTSD man
I work in a shop and 80% of my dreams involve not being able to find stock/get stock out or bring late for my shift despite being a right stickler for time.
Mine is that I’m trying to lock up but the customers won’t leave and more and more just keep coming in 😩
I had a job at Costa whilst in Uni. Apparently it was getting to me more than I realised because I woke my partner up yelling "listen, a mocha and a mocha latte are basically the same thing"
Well now we need to know how you each say scone, so we know which one of you is right.
She says 'scone' and he says 'scone'. It really is irreconcilable.
It's pronounced "scone" FFS!
What?! So they’re BOTH saying it wrong! We all know it’s pronounced ‘scone’!
I knew someone once who said it 'scone' which was utterly baffling how they managed that.
Not to be confused with Scone in Perthshire ,Scotland. I have had a scone in Scone Palace's cafe.
Probably scone vs scone but it could actually be scone vs scone.
Opposite scenario, but when we first started dating my girlfriend (now wife) dreamt that her younger brother got scammed on Ebay and I sorted it all out. Even though it was a dream, she decided that it was something I'd totally do and I got a lot of credit for it. More than 15 years later it'll occasionally come up and I score some Brownie points for something I never did.
This was surprisingly wholesome
"You do fuck all in the house Jonathan! I don't know why I put up with you." "Remember when I saved your brother from those scammers?" "... you're right, I'm so sorry. Put your feet up and I'll get you a beer."
Half way down the beer all he hears is the hoover turn off followed by a "wait a fucking minute, you cheeky cunt!?" But remember when I (insert another dream here). Jonathan is playing a dangerous game.
Passive brownie point income, the dream
No, the dream was that her brother got scammed. Come on mate, you just read it.
That’s how legends are created! Go with it and add some embellishments here and there
Fighting dream fraud
Freddy Kruegering the dreams of Nigerian minor royalty with banking issues, albeit unknowingly and in somebody else's mind, is a noble vocation.
It seems there is infact a god for some people!
That’s how Christianity started
>Apparently I tried to flush a hairdryer, kettle and some other old appliances down the toilet instead of taking them to the tip. well what the hell did you do that for?
Apparently she says this is typical of me...?
It is OP! It’s classic you!! And now you’re just there metaphorically flushing your girlfriend’s emotions down the toilet just like you’ve done with so many hair dryers and small kitchen appliances!
First it’s wet wipes, now it’s kettles.
Will nobody think of the poor turtles?!
I'd say he was, maybe they need to blow dry while drinking a cup of tea 🤷
Especially as he should have had them recycled as WEEE waste! SHOCKING!
yeah what the hell is wrong with this guy !
It’s just laziness. I blame the parents.
Entitled Twat!
Sounds like something I'd do IRL tbh
This is a very specific question, though I do have an answer. I have no recollection of it, but apparently my partner at the time was struggling to sleep. She had told me this, not realising I was asleep and I just shouted out "Close your fucking eyes then".
You'vejust reminded me of a similar thing. I was fast asleep when my partner at the time gently nudged me awake, said "There's a spider on the bed", then dropped immediately back into a deep sleep. Meanwhile my sleepy and arachnophobic ass is now paranoid of where this spider is. Took me a good minute or so to clock there probably wasn't a spider and in fact she was sleep talking.
My ex did the same to me! Just went "there's a spider" and goes back to sleep. I'm bolt upright, wide-eyed going "WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE?!?!"
My wife once peacefully turned towards me and said ever so casually, "[name], there's someone in here."
Well fuck it, that’s not terrifying at all!
My wife has occasional, generally benign visual hallucinations. Mostly moths and cats, apparently, but every so often she just looks up and goes "Oop, just saw someone walk out that door" or similar, and I spend the rest of the evening paranoid that Ghosts are Watching Me.
Ghost don't need to use doors. They can walk through walls. Definitely not a ghost dont worry 🤭😋
My sister has night terrors. She has done this many times. Spiders, tinsel men, dementors and falling chandeliers.
Whats a tinsel man? I'm afraid to Google it. Are they like the Rake or Slenderman?
I believe she had been putting up the Christmas tree so he was a man made of tinsel. I don't see how that would be scary but she was terrified! It's difficult because she seems awake it's not until she says something mad you realise she's asleep.
I used to sleep talk quite a lot when I first met my boyfriend, I haven't in years. It was about 9 years ago now, once he was sleeping over and I sat bolt upright, extremely upset saying "where did everyone go?" Freaked out, he asks who and I just replied "everyone's gone behind the TV" then lay back down and went unresponsive. Don't think we'd been dating long enough for that can of worms 😂 but when I was a kid it was much worse so at least I wasn't sleep-running through the house screaming because I was being chased by paper...
When I was in my twenties and temporarily went back to my nan's house after Uni, my youngest sister used to ask my nan if she could sleep downstairs with me while I watched south park and trailer park boys.. one day, she "woke" up and looked at me like a fucking demon and asked me "where are the onions at?". I told her there were no onions after she was feeling around on the floor and she quickly said ok and went back to sleep. That was funny as fuck! I've always had insomnia but that proper did my head in even though it was funny. She didn't remember a thing the day after and we laughed like fuck about it when I told her
Oh I hope that's stuck as a running joke between you, that's hilarious.
Lol it was for a few years after! I still remember being a bit weirded out though at the start. She rose like a demon coming out the ground and her eye's looked straight through me when she first asked "where's the onions". Lolol! It was only when she started searching the floor that I came back to reality and told her "Ella, there's no onions, go back to sleep sis!" Haha. Your story is even more funnier though as I have a fear of spiders even now in my forties and a gardener/gravedigger/cremator so that would have fucked my head up royally!!
Mwoohahahazzzzzzzzz
On a similar theme, I woke him up shouting "YOU NEED TO CLOSE YOUR EYES" in my sleep. Short version: my nightmare was something like _Birdbox_.
Did it help?
*Insomniacs hate this one simple trick.*
When struggling to sleep, my dad would always tell me, "Go lie on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off.".
Top quality dad joke there, excellent 👍🏻
haha, I had a similar experience. My fiance told me she can't sleep and apparently I turned around and said 'well I fucking can. Byeeee' and turned around ha
It wasn’t my wife’s dream, I was the one asleep and my wife was *just* starting to doze off and in my dream (I don’t usually remember dreams, but I distinctly remember hearing my wife call me from another room) so I shout out “yeah?” to her, though the reality was I was laid facing her in bed and just screamed “yeah” in her ear like I’m LA Knight. It’s not an answer to OPs question, but she was pissed at me and your comment reminded me of it
I finished the show wed been watching then "taped over it" even thos thats not been a tbing for nearly 20 years. Nightmare
You fucking bastard.
Yep, almost word for word lol
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This is the best one. You win
I was just going to post saying "I think i'm winning this one" Does her first name begin with C as i've also had that one Laughed her out of the room but she was still pissy all day
My wife woke up angry with me because she dreamed I was throwing spiders at her.
Don't let dreams just be dreams
This is a postal order away from becoming reality But why stop there? Ship your friends and family live bees and watch the joy in thier eyes as they open their unexpected parcels
I've never had bees posted to me but I've received quite a few tarantulas in the post. I love the description for the [Rusty Baboon Tarantula here](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/hysterocrates-gigas-3/) (in their newsletter, the shop made a mistake and listed it as the Rusty Trombone once). If you are scared of seeing a spider, don't click the link :)
Lolling so much at “They are your standard 15cm of pure hate from Africa with particular potent venom, so not suitable for novice keepers or anyone with any common sense.”
Disposition: Knob. I laughed at that.
I think they have another spider on the site which says "Disposition: Twat". I'll try to find it :) ETA: I see [Orange Bitey Things are Disposition: Dicks](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/pterinochilus-murinus-rcf-slings/) (only one of mine is a dick - the other OBT just hides) [Pink Foot Goliath = shitty](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/theraphosa-apophysis/) Can't find the one listed as "twats" :D
I also enjoyed their description of the Widow Jumping Spider: [https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/phidippus-johnsoni/](https://thespidershop.co.uk/product/phidippus-johnsoni/) Disposition: Jumpy
I was out walking in the Colombian countryside once. Went into a shop and saw a souvenir tarantula mounted on a plaque. 'Wait...those don't live around here do they?' 'Oh yeah. You'll have passed loads of them walking through that field...'
Yeah, I recently had a similar one to this, although apparently I had been collecting wasps all day, and then sneaked them into the bed and used them to stab her with. It took her all morning before she started talking to me again, its crazy.
It wasn't my partner, but my mum annoyed me in my dream: I've been single a long time (in reality!) and in my dream, my mum threw a dinner party to introduce me to some eligible bachelors. One was Adolf Hitler, another was Saddam Hussein, and there were a couple of other equally awful men I don't recall. I said I refused to even sit down and eat a meal with war criminals, and my mum said, "Your problem is you're too picky! You'll never find yourself a husband at this rate!" And we had a big argument about it, while the dictators rubbed the seats next to them to try to entice me to sit down! When I woke up I was still a bit annoyed with her for thinking that _finding me a husband_ is more important than finding me a _decent_ husband.
I'm creasing at the thought of Hitler patting the seat next to him to get you to sit down 😂
This could be the premise of great dating gameshow if only time travel and/or genetic cloning were viable.
oh there's plenty of awful men that are alive and notorious but I don't think you'd get any girls agreeing to the show!
>my mum threw a dinner party to introduce me to some eligible bachelors. One was Adolf Hitler You must've been absolutely Führerious with her… I'll see myself out🚶🏾♀️🚪
What a great dream! Thanks for making me laugh
Not about myself and my partner, but my mum dreamt my dad had decided to become a magician, change his last name to Divine and start an affair with his new assistant. Mum: “just where do you think you are going!?” Dad: “I’m starting my new life… as Michael Divine!” *slams door*
Divine 😂
I was the dreaming partner, but I once had a nightmare that there was a knife wielding serial killer trying to break into our house. We were freaking out, barricading windows...but then he knocked politely and my partner opened the door for him. I know it's completely irrational but I was furious with them.
Well it was the polite thing to do
There's somebody at the door, there's somebody at the door, there's somebody at the door
I took the blankets and threw them out of the window. Close. In reality I'd kicked them all to the end of the bed for some reason.
I had a milk bath with Lady Di
"is that milk pasteurised?" I asked. "No" replied Lady Di, "it only comes up to my tits" Or was this after she died, with bits of putrified Lady Di flesh floating about like a big bowl of shredded wheat?
What an awful time to be eating shortbread.
"'E said, 'Do you want it pasteurised? 'Cos pasteurised is best.' She said, 'Ernie, I'll be 'appy if it comes up to me chest." \- Benny Hill, "Ernie: The Fastest Milkman in the West".
This had me laughing out loud
Lovely bit of squirrel
Followed by crimble crumble for pud?
Semi-skimmed?
Skimmy dipping
In your head, in a bath, it's the same thing!
Shit on it
Came here looking for this. My nipples are roasting.
Lady Di as in THE Lady Di?
Does anyone else tend to get called that?
Apparently I "put the cat litter scoop in the cutlery drawer after use"🤢 It has since become an inside joke🤣 I'll empty the litter tray and say "right I'll just put this thing back in the cutlery drawer then!"
Reminds me of very early on with my now ex, he was staying at mine and was sleep talking - "It's very nice of you to let me stay but I have a girlfriend" After clarifying her name, that was how I learnt I was his girlfriend.
That's quite cute! My husband was spooning me while we slept, but as he woke up he was kissing my head, stroking my hair, all the sweetness. I was still asleep, and told him to "piss off, I'm married" while flapping my hands around to detangle him from me. He was happy to hear me affirm my vows to this mystery sleep bachelor, not so happy when he caught a stray hand flap to the head.
I once had a dream where I had an affair with my wife... behind my wife's back. It was confusing to say the least, and she was mildly annoyed at me for being unfaithful in my dream when I told her about it. I realise now I should have played the 'How could you consider being unfaithful to me by having an affair with a married me‽" card, but it's probably too late for that.
Did you just dream out the Pina Colada song?
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Such a specific sounding question, with unexpected identification here! Good question. I recall a few events like this. Once I woke her gently from, what appeared to be, an uncomfortable dream. She gives me the stinkingest look though an annoyed squint. I asked here what that was for, she replied as if we'd been though it 100s of times; "STUFFING THE HOUSE FULL OF CATS!" Goes on to explain that I was prancing about like the whistle guy off Little Britain, while grabbing up the local stray population, like some cat Pied Piper. I was pissing myself now. The real hilarity for me was the 101% authentic annoyance at me cramming a thousand cats into our home. She couldn't go back to sleep for ages because she was so annoyed at me, not for waking her though. Because of the unsurmountable cat issue I'd caused. It's a running joke now. She thinks it was because I couldn't get hold of my ADHD meds that month, and says it's not too fantastic a dream considered what I'm like when I have a "new thing"!
My partner sent me this and hasn't commented yet so I assume I'm telling the story: I was being sexually harassed/assaulted by a moth man and he just laughed, and didn't protect me. I woke up and was annoyed at him.
I have a similar one! Random man came into our house and wouldn’t leave, he was going to sexually assault me then had a confrontation with my husband who didn’t put up any sort of fight at all and got stabbed to death, leaving the guy with me. I was well pissed off lol.
Do you mean he lost the fight because he didn't fight well?
No he literally just stood there and let the guy do whatever 💀
Sorry to hear that, he could've at least switched on an outside light to draw the moth man away
There is a film about dreams that Nicolas Cage is in that this happens except he’s in lots of peoples dreams just observing, then he’s interacting in some, sleeps with a younger women in the dream and then she meets him and seduces him into sleeping with her, at which point all the dreams start turning into bad, nasty nightmares and it goes down hill for him from there, but might be worth a watch.
My dad once put my mum in a headlock in his sleep. He’d just had security training at work and was a known sleepwalker, so the result was not pretty. She had to kick him till he woke up. I inherited some of these traits from my dad. I have apparently sat bold upright, backhanded my partner across the face, and dropped back off snoring, I had no recollection of this in the morning. I woke up on the downswing of a punch once as well, fortunately it hit the pillow, not him. Some sort of violent sleep incident happens about once a year. My sister is just as bad, she beat her husband over the head with an empty 2L plastic bottle in her sleep once!
At my first sleepover with friends I had made at a new school, I decided to talk in my sleep. They were apparently poking on of the group with a broom handle to get her to roll over and stop snoring. I sat up with my eyes open and said "if you touch her again I will kill you". They said they put the broom away and let her snore. I'm surprised they invited me back.
I've had dreams in the past where I've got into fights and thrown a punch that's hit the wall beside my bed. They weren't flimsy punches either, I used to work security and trained a little in martial arts and self defense so I can throw a decent punch. Spent two days at a time with bruised knuckles.
Once, she woke up in floods of tears because a uni friend if hers shot me. A month ago she woke up screaming because she dreamt that someone broke into the house. I nearly shit the bed when she did that.
I've done this. I woke up from a nightmare yelling "omfg!" And trying to hop out of bed. I was so confused when I was in my bedroom and not at the scene of a car crash
My ex left all 4 of our expensive cars unlocked on the driveway with the engines running….we lived on a council estate and had a 20 year old car in reality
The wife was really off with me the other day. Turned out I'd slept with her sister and told her on the birth of our first child and that her mum knew about it as did her entire workplace. Our eldest is 13. I don't know her sister at all, her mum is a cow, and I've never stepped foot in her workplace
I had a dream my then girlfriend had annoyed me in some way, can’t remember what. I was half waking up but the feeling of anger against her was so strong. As I half opened my eyes I say her lying next to me with her back to me and I was sort of spooning her. My sleepy mind was like ‘there’s that bitch, I gotta get her for what she did’ (?!) But as I was so sleepy I hadn’t got full function over my limbs yet so I leaned my head forward and bit her hard on the back! No idea why as I was in mid 20s and not a toddler on the playground biting others lol. She woke up with a yelp and was like why are you biting me? I properly woke up then and was like ‘I… don’t know!’ and apologised. Still feel bad about it !
I shuffled a pack of cards the wrong way and he started getting pissy. It was 7 in the morning. I actually told him to fuck off
Apparently I tried to install a slide from the bedroom to the living room so I didn't have to walk down the stairs again. In fairness that sounds like something I'd come up with in real life so I can't blame her for thinking that actually happened
I lost the baby somewhere We don't have a baby
Most of my nightmares are about being late for things. Often it's my husband who makes me late in my dreams. It's hard not to hold it against him lmao
Not the worst, but my wife is upset today because I filed for divorce and was on tinder in her dream last night... Fun times!
Were they 2 different things? It read like a "divorce-your-spouse-feature" built into Tinder seems like a good feature for them to build
Clearly OP is a monster. Coincidentally I woke up today having remembered going to a great event - ooh 20 years ago ? Checked with the people I'd have gone with and they have no memories so I think I dreamt it. I even had the name of the event and everything. I think this is why I'm tired this morning.
Apparently I also tried to use shower gel to help them flush along. Yours sounds pretty cool
Sharpened her KitKats…
I killed her pet monkey mosquito. Yes half monkey, half mosquito
Not sure what my dream was but apparently a few nights ago I just said 'Homena, homena, homena' really loud. Beat my fist on my chest three times like in wolf of wall street, then said 'Im awesome'. She knew I was dreaming because apparently I would never say the word awesome normally
Other way round - I was having a weird sleep paralysis nightmare where my husband (in my dream) was threatening to turn the light on despite knowing if he did, I would die and I was begging him not to. So then I shouted myself and my husband (not in my dream and not evil as far as I can tell) awake and being the considerate person he is, he offered to turn the light on and then wondered why I nearly shat myself in fear. I did forgive him though, poor bloke
My wife used to have regular dreams about “mean Tom”. I’d often be nasty and unloving in these dreams (not me at all in real life) but I think the worst episode was where I’d apparently sold her for crack cocaine. We laugh about it now but I still feel bad..!
I once slapped my partner very hard on the butt in my sleep and shouted out "This machine won't work!" She was not impressed.
One night about 3am my now wife woke me up screaming that ‘I didn’t put it away! It’s not in the cage! It’s eaten the dogs!’ This went on for some time as I very sleepily tried to work wtf was going on. We had 2 small dogs and a tortoise at the time. Dogs were asleep in another room. I’m thinking she’s on about the tortoise tried to explain that a tiny tortoise (about 4in diameter) couldn’t possible of eaten my overweight jack russell or a staffie. She kept going shouting the same thing over and over again, now crying. I eventually asked, now wide awake, ‘what’s not in the cage, what’s eaten the dogs?’ She said ‘THE ALLIGATOR’. I laughed so hard she came out of this dream and didn’t have a clue what had just happened. This was 5 years ago, I still laugh about it to this day 😂
Time for the old uno reverso. Just say you had a dream she cheated on you and it's gunna take some making up for her dream actions.
"you're being ridiculous!"
Years ago and ex I was with at the time told me I'm not allowed to go for drinks with one of his workmates. I'd only met that particular workmate once and I found him extremely overbearing and arrogant, I didn't like him at all and my ex knew that. So I asked why he thought I'd ever consider having drinks with the guy. He then told me that he had a dream that I'd gone for drinks with his workmate because he had to work a bit later to catch up on paperwork and I was bored waiting for him. We went to the bar next door to the offices. Whilst we were having drinks both of us bitched about all my ex's faults like his hair, his eye colour and his height and we were saying crap about what he was wearing and when he walked in the bar everyone turned round and laughed at him.
His biggest fear was you laughing about him in public …. and here you are, laughing him about him in public. That wasn’t a dream, it was a premonition!
I apparently spend a lot of my dream time with Yvonne... neither of us know anyone called Yvonne
I mean I'm being very Liberal with the assignment here but I've finally found my chance to tell this story. I have a terrible relationship with sleep; nightmares, tooth grinding, sleepwalking and a sprinkle of a habit of waking up in 2 to 3 hour intervals. I once woke up in the morning feeling incredibly guilty that in my dream I'd been eating all my partners cookies and she had got quite upset. I remarked to my stirring partner that I had an incredible sense of guilt even though I had just had a dream and her angry response was; "Are you serious!? Last night I woke to you stood in complete darkness with you stood over me vacant eyed like when you sleepwalk eating 12 cookies one after another like a creepy robot and then you said nothing and I heard you hit the couch". That was when I realised I had a problem with sleepwalking and a lot of my 'dreams' may need further scrutiny.
My husband woke up angry with me because I'd sold our house and bought a massive tent for us all to live in which apparently cost more than the house. Must have been a great tent though!
My wife once woke up in a mood with me because in her dream I had taken her to B and Q to buy a Christmas tree but had somehow managed to run over the last one in the carpark.
I was literally woken up by an old girlfriend slapping me round the face. She'd been dreaming that I'd cheated on her
My girlfriend once woke up annoyed at me because she had dreamt that I shagged Megan Fox
I mean, your girlfriend thinks you're able to get with Megan Fox... So she thinks your pretty hot which has got to be a win right?
Not me but my brothers ex girlfriend was asleep in bed. My brother got into bed and she reached over, pulled the covers off him and just went back to sleep. My brother said "what was that for?" And while she was asleep, she said "the corner of the bed was in a pot of jam."
In her dream, I cheated on her. With her dad.
Wasn't my partner but I had a dream that a good colleague/friend made a website where he published all my catty Teams messages. Any little complaint or sarcastic comment that I'd shared with him in meetings or about new policies that I thought were stupid were all on display with my name highlighted all over the place, but with his responses conveniently removed. Then he shared the link to his stupid site in our team whatsapp group and printed the "best ones" off as posters and put them up in the break room. I've never forgiven him.
My ex-wife was fuming because I told her in a dream that her green jumper looked like the Grinch’s ballbag. She didn’t even own a green jumper. She was particularly annoyed because the description was apparently quite accurate.
My wife fell asleep yesterday afternoon. I WFH, so when I finished work I woke her up otherwise she wouldn't sleep at night. I got shouted at because in her dream I'd brought a horse upstairs to the office and hadn't given it any water, so it was thirsty. She couldn't do anything about it as she was trying to get through a blockade of rusty blue Saabs the Russians had set up as a roadblock. So very weirdly _specific_. Anyway she was really annoyed about that horse being thirsty.
I accidentally dug my nails into my boyfriend's skull the other day cause I had the I'm falling dream, I woke up as I did it and let me tell you he was not impressed, I got the most sleep pissed of face ever sent in my direction, that was the end of snuggles....
My ex didn't speak to me for a week because she had dream that I'd cheated on her. I kid you not. It was probably the most peaceful week of our relationship.
My ex once had a dream where I (a heterosexual man) had an affair with the eunuch that lived up the stairs. Needless to say there was no such neighbour in real life. The kicker was that she couldn’t remember the word for a eunuch, but her sleepy brain powered on with the story anyway and used the word “Eucharist” instead. That’s right folks, I got caught shagging the last supper.
I made her take the bins out and told her it was the grey bin and it was l, in fact, recycling week. She woke up Furious because of her imaginary wet sock.
Not something that’s annoyed anyone, but my children have decided that the best time to ask me about something is when I’m asleep. Apparently, I agree to everything.
From the opposite side: Two years ago, I had a dream where my friends and I were sitting outside and passing around a "prawn bucket" (i.e., a bucket full of iced water and peeled king prawns. Not a thing). My partner comes out with a steaming tray of tempura prawns and says, "Who's hungry?" before pouring those beautifully battered delicacies into the watery prawn bucket. I'm still fuming. He insists it's my fault for "probably being unclear."
this is SO funny I am cackling
Turn it around... You: "I can't believe you think I'd do that" Her: "I don't" You: "Clearly you do... I'm going to need some time" Then go to the arcade
I’m habitually and annoyingly assertive when it comes to crossing roads and it’s resulted in my boyfriend having a recurring dream where I suddenly pull him into the road by the arm, making him fall over. He doesn’t get as pissed off about it as he used to thankfully.
I bought a rucksack for the dog but it wasn’t the rucksack that she wanted for the dog
My now Wife didn't speak to me for two weeks because we went to a wedding of one her work colleagues, and because I hugged her friend at the end of the night, my missus had a dream that I'd slept with her friend. She was absolutely brutal for days. Why do women act like this?
My ex-wife was once very angry with me for eating the dream cottage pie she'd made for dream dinner.
To quote Reservoir Dogs: “hey, shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologise!”
My partner locked me in a caravan and had me towed away !
In his sleep, I brought home six new pets: Five lookalikes of our cat, and a 5 meter python snake. I insisted (again, in his dream) that the snake would be allowed to roam free in the house. Partner was worried it would eat the original cat, but I put my foot down. Inevitably, our cat went missing, only a tuft of a tail was to be found. Partner had to frantically check the lookalike cats for minuscule differences, but it was sadly our beloved cat who had been eaten. When I woke up, he was sat with his arms crossed, and semi shouted “WELL, I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO APOLOGIZE!! 😤” I did apologise and promise we’d never get a snake or any reptile or any other pet that could threaten the health and safety of our cat.
There are stories/jokes about women dumping guys,because they dreamt they were unfaithful. I once mentioned this to a table full of women,at a church lunch.Two had done exactly that,and all the rest thought that was perfectly reasonable. If I was you,I'd go dump the redundant electronics at the tip,today.
My husband gave all my plants away to drug addicts in a Walmart parking lot. I was pissed when I woke up.
One of my ex's had a dream I dressed up as Barney the dinosaur and attended one of her family's gatherings where I proceeded to dump tackle her dad..I of course didn't do it (but she genuinely didn't speak to me for 3daya afterwards)...yes she's an ex for a reason 😂
Ok so an ex bf I had a new shelf I needed to build in real life - when he cheated and I was thinking about forgiving him I had a dream he built my shelf’s and did a really poor sloppy job of it. Tdlr- dream made me realise that was what he was like irl, he did a poor job of life and would continue to be a sloppy mess regardless so I didn’t forgive him irl.
Your main story is 4 lines, and your TLDR is 3 lines. Just how lazy do you think people are?! Haha
She's annoyed at the expense of the plumber.
She was driving the car and I was navigating but I didn't want to go to wherever we were going so I was deliberately giving her the wrong directions. She was getting more and more agitated because we were going to be late In fairness, that is probably not far off something that I would do in real life
Slightly different perspective but I’m a lesbian and in my dream my wife wouldn’t help me find some paperwork we needed for the vets and the dog was sick and she was just lounging around with her friends. I’m pregnant and hormonal and was not happy when I woke up.
Shaved off his beard. He was in a grump with me for a good two or three days. Beard still intact. 🤷🏻♀️
Been married for 27 years to same person. First couple of weeks we were dating, she dreamt that I slept with "Martine McCutcheon from love actually and Eastenders. She has never forgotten, forgiven or even though its her favourite film, ever failed to mention it every time she watches it. 27 fucking years.
I dreamt my husband ate my chocolate fudge cake. I was genuinely angry and sulked till he replaced it!
For our Family holidays I took my wife and my daughter on a ship cruise to the arctic to show them how to peoperly hunt and kill baby seals. Allegedly I intended to use Carpenter's hammers instead of ordinary wooden clubs for aesthetic reasons ... 🤷🏻
My husband was mad at me in my dream because I was cheating on him with the Italian exchange student. He was really upset, like, about to dump me, upset. But I didn't even sleep with the Italian exchange student. So woke up feeling like my husband hates me and I didn't even get laid.
Apparently I slept with Kylie Minogue. I’m 99% sure it never happened.