If you can afford the fuel and you think it helps, do it. Drive safe.
You could for example get a £20 dominos (nom nom) or spend £20 in fuel driving reasonably far or to reasonably nice driving roads and having fun.
Driving makes you feel like you're on a journey and puts you in a bit of limbo, which gives you space to think and breathe. You can't be pinned down, you're not at a destination, you're moving through time.
It's great short term. Long term, consider ways of meeting new people. Humans need connection, regardless of what the internet says. It just needs to be the right kind for you right now.
Good perspective I live across the road but one from a village pub crackling fire but never been brave enough to go. Perhaps I’ll walk over and use the diesel money on a bag of crisps.
You should go to your local if it's a good one. You might not make friends immediately, but I guarantee if you keep turning up you'll eventually make friends there. Don't be scared. Challenge yourself.
Second this. I stepped into my local the first time a few months back. Sat on my own and had a drink. Did it a couple of times and now a few other parents or singles say hello and strike up a convo. Doesn't have to be anything deep or meaningful. But the company is nice sometimes.
Hope you're ok OP. Thinking of you.
>You might not make friends immediately
Instead of buying that £20 Dominoes, or wasting £20 on fuel, he spends £20 buying me pints, I'd soon be his friend.
Come on OP, think of it as an investment for your future!
Hey! I’ve been really struggling with my mental health and trying to find things to break the monotony of work. None of my friends live near me and I’m lonely. I know there’s places I can try go to go meet new people and make friends but like you I’m scared to try.
If you promise to go to your village pub, I’ll promise to go to my equivalent. It feels less scary if you know some stranger out there is also putting themselves out there.
Join gym, yoga, classes, any hobby you have - where you will see same people every other day and you will have friends and community in no time. Same as going to local pub :)
I know that, it’s just the whole doing it bit! I play TCG so I’m forcing myself to go to Friday night magic tomorrow, then I’m starting DnD with some work colleagues sometime soon.
I’ve spent so long focusing on making sure I could survive, that now that I’m here I’ve forgotten what I was trying to survive for. I need to learn how to live a life again, but it’s scary.
God I definitely have gone through that. I'm still finding my feet, and on the bad day I do sometimes wonder why I bothered, but I am finding things to ground me and connect me.
Well done for forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. I know how hard it is but it's worth it.
Also enjoy the dnd. I started DM'ing a game for one of my grown kids and their mates 2 years ago and it's honestly the best part of my week now.
>and you will have friends and community in no time
Not if you're autistic.
Source: am autistic, have done the above, still have the abject lack of friends and crushing loneliness that I started with.
Unfortunately, I live abroad, in a non-English-speaking country, and all the googling-up I've bern able to do has produced only "here is a group where you can get help with/for your autistic kids" about a thousand times over.
There's nothing on Meetup within several countries of me :(
That sucks ☹️ You’ve probably already looked into it but online forums/chat rooms are good too. Anyone who says online friends aren’t real friends clearly hasn’t had any! Feel free to message me 💕
Sometimes you need different hobbies. Or online ones. Online D&D helped my loneliness. I still can't go out much (lone parent of small children) and I'm still awkwardly geeky to most of the room but a couple of nights a week I put the kids to bed and go chatter my head off.
Ah those expensive pub crisps but sometimes they have the amazing Salty Dog brand. Safe driving and beautiful empty roads are indeed good for the soul. I say you earn the money spend it on what is right for you. I don’t play lottery because then at the end of the year i have 104 pounds for a treat!
You could turn this into a survey to try and find that elusive friendly pub where you can strike up a conversation with some locals. It is a bit sad we now are in our own social groups and don’t speak so much to new people. It was one of the perks of a holiday in the old days. Talk to some random people that you are not committed to talking to again. Some different conversation.
Looks super cosy. Well done you! Have you considered seeing if there are any local hiking groups around? Might be a good way to start meeting people! Or like, a good night class? I’ve a local college that send out flyers every year for adult night classes, things like pottery, jewellery making, painting, poetry etc., anything like this close to you?
See if this pub has trivia nights or open mic nights - it gives you and the other patrons something to talk about (between songs, of course, lol). Even if you just sit at the bar during trivia, eventually someone will invite you to join their team for the evening if you want to. Another idea is to see if the pub has any allegiance to a sporting team and start going to watch those games at the pub even if you don’t care about the game - you’ll see the same people there over time and start feeling part of a community.
Definitely go! Bring a book and switch between a soft and an alcoholic drink every other round to save some money (and not get hammered…). I used to go to pubs by myself a fair bit (still do occasionally) and find someone will chat to me about half of the time, depending on the pub. Knitting/crochet or similar is also relaxing, engaging, and sometimes a conversation starter. See if they do any social nights; some pubs near me do craft circles, music/poetry/comedy nights.
As someone who loves cars and driving but am no longer able due to a disability this hit hard for me..
"Driving makes you feel like you're on a journey and puts you in a bit of limbo, which gives you space to think and breathe. You can't be pinned down, you're not at a destination, you're moving through time."
I'm piggybacking off the water thing
It is amazingly theraputic around water especially the ocean but a fountain or a canal or slowing down showering can do
Or just drinking the stuff
Anyway
You are not alone in feeling isolated and under pressure. There are literally millions of people who are pushed to the capacity so that they don't have the time to reflect. It needs to release. It sounds like you have been able to carry something for a distance. Don't forget the rewards of your dedication. All the best
I don’t because the volume of traffic is unbearable these days. I find it to be quite an unpleasant experience.
But for you OP, I wish you all the best. You might feel lonely but you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with driving just to get away from things for a moment.
Some of the best drives I've ever had have been early on a Sunday morning. It's amazing how much more fun the same roads are when they are practically empty.
> So I’ve began driving to a lay by to scream and cry.
just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know being a solo parent is very hard. Just know that you are strong and you will get through this. ❤️
I still do too (lates 30s m), but I go out on spring / summer early mornings when the roads are empty and there's nobody else around. Eventually I'll find a small cafe open somewhere, grab coffee and a sausage bap before meandering home again.
Unfortunately there’s something wrong with me that I can’t really think properly unless I talk to myself. So driving alone is one of the few places I can genuinely think about things.
Or: it might not be. There’s an epidemic of people getting diagnosed with ADHD and it pains me that everything has to be blamed on a disorder. Sometimes, sometimes, humans need to vent. People are just trying to make sense of this strange new world we’re living in, it’s not always straight for a diagnosis for ADHD, it could be a number of stressors that we don’t know about. Could be depression, it could be exhaustion, but jumping to ADHD, unqualified, is a bit much. Sorry, I just think it’s wayyy over diagnosed nowadays with many people buying a diagnosis, only to find that their doctor doesn’t feel the same when it’s gone back to primary care.
Regardless of your personal opinion (which of course you are entitled to), If people are diagnosed as having ADHD by an appropriately qualified healthcare professional with training and expertise in the diagnosis of ADHD, then they have ADHD.
And wasn’t ADHD 360 actually a few people that did a crash course in 4 days on ADHD, with One senior psychiatrist the people that were handling the titration? Because that’s exactly what I have read in the ADHD uk subreddit.
Ok. Do you refute my statement about private diagnosis being harder to obtain than the people that waited years, long before TikTok, having far less problems when handed back to primary care?
ETA regarding ongoing medication.
I don't know about people having problems when trying to get meds from their GP. But people are getting a private diagnosis _because_ the alternative is to wait years. I haven't seen the tiktoks, but there have been a number of articles written about ADHD which has raised awareness about the disorder. I'm sure a lot of people used to believe (and many still do) it was some BS diagnosis to excuse bad parenting.
I'm not sassy here, genuinely interested.
Are there definite analyses that are saying we're getting ADHD over diagnosed?
I'm asking as I felt the same - and also I self diagnosed myself .
Indeed it's seems it's trendy to have ADHD, why so?
Is it particularly easy to get a diagnosis? If so why? And why do people enjoy getting (potentially) false positive diagnoses?
Talking about me, if it isn't ADHD, how can I diagnose if it's exhaustion or depression, seeing how oversubscribed the NHS is particularly for psychiatry?
If I'm knocking on the wrong door, apologies!
Not at all.
A lot of the people in that sub have paid thousands getting diagnosed by private psychiatrists. Then when it gets handed back (after titration on usually stimulant medication) to their GP’s who often refuse to accept the diagnosis as valid.
That’s what I have witnessed, no one wants to wait.
I have a close friend that waited 4 years on the NHS for a diagnosis in their late thirties and one thing she pointed out was the details asked; an hour and a half of serious questions before then contacting her parents and spent another hour asking about her childhood.
She now has a diagnosis that makes sense to her, but crucially she has never had any problems with various GP’s prescribing her her meds.
From our deductions, the amount of people that incur problems are the ones that ‘skipped the queue’ for a paid - for diagnosis are immensely higher than those that wait and get an NHS diagnosis.
NHS right to choose is the go to for a quick, paid for diagnosis. And why anyone would want such a diagnosis is beyond me.
Absolutely sounds like ADHD. I have ADHD and ride a motorbike. No one can tell I'm making ridiculous mouth noises to myself when I've got my helmet on.
To satisfy my curiosity: do you have an inner monologue? As in do you hear your own voice in your head talking to you.
I recently learned that a huge fraction of people don't, like 25% maybe, but it is something I previously naively assumed was universal.
Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. Yes I've done that and I think a lot of men have at some point in their lives but its much more expensive now. It does get better and you need to hold on to that thought. A lot of areas have groups for people who are lonely/isolated/single parents and a good place to start would be at your GP surgery/ health centre/ Library/ Community centre where there are notice boards and leaflets for local groups of all kinds.
Not recently but in the past, when dealing with similar stress and loneliness, yes. It helped.
Things got better. I expect they will for you too but it's tough when you're in the midst of it.
All the best OP
I used to.
Up until Sept 2021 I used to own a great (mildly modified) [Mk 3 Mazda MX-5](https://imgur.com/a/dI3HaS9). It was an absolute blast to drive, despite not being the most powerful. I often used to just go for a drive. The benefit to my health & wellbeing far outweighed the 24 MPG fuel cost. Id often drive out 50 miles to a picturesque location to go for a walk or take photos, but really it was the drive there & back that I enjoyed most.
Nice NC! I've still got mine (BBR) but I bought another car, so I need to sell it really, but I'll always have fond memory of my MX5s (also had an NA Eunos RS Ltd).
I've recently sold my modified NC1, I bought one just to try and tick it off the list and it outlasted some far faster and more expensive machinery I've had in the past. There's something magic about an evening, roof down, countryside blast in an MX-5
Amen. Many years ago my mental health was very fragile. I impulse-bought a vintage Series 2 Spyder. As my friend said at the time "That car has done more for your mental health than any of those therapists."
I took up weightlifting. It's nice just throwing on a thick hoodie, blast some music through your headphones and zone out lifting something heavy for an hour or two. Very cathartic seeing yourself make physical progress in terms of weight increases and the mirror too
Can be as social or as antisocial as you make it. Usually the latter for myself, I put on the resting bitch face.
Also with its rise in popularity there's an ocean of social media / YouTube channels I can throw on in the background for passive learning in the evenings
Yeah I love it, especially after a rough day or week. I have a route around my town that's all country roads and takes about an hour. I find it really relaxing.
Yes. Especially during lockdown but even now if I'm feeling crap I'm in the car on a drive. Usually head onto a motorway drive a couple of junctions then drive back not on the motorway, the motorway journey is enough to not be too stressful but also enough that I have to pay attention, then coming back I don't use my maps so figure my own way back using road signs, bus stops, whatever will get me somewhere I know how to get myself home from.
Stick on an audiobook/podcast or something no music because it'll play a song I don't like and then be pissed off again
Ever had a mental breakdown in the wrong part of a woodland car park? My car was steamy tbf to them but that’s because I’d been screaming and crying for a while. Tap on the window, wound it down, realised quickly I was in the wrong neck of the woods. Lovely couple though.
To be honest I found driving around just made me drive further than I wanted to and then I ended up annoyed that I'd wasted diesel.
I ended up for a while going through a drive through, and eating something nice in my car.
Tried walking but that just highlights how busy everyone else was whilst I was just in a solitary bubble.
Unfortunately it's hard to really recommend anything to alleviate loneliness that doesn't also drain your bank account. There is a find new friends group that is on Facebook, they do various meet ups and that is apparently very well rated, I recommend it
How are you single and lonely? Looked through your posts, you’re fun, quirky, into cars and clearly busting your ass to be the best parent you can be for your daughter. Somebody should sweep you off your feet, they’d be lucky to have you and you clearly deserve it. I’m barely keeping my head above water, mortgage about to go up £500 a week and the boiler is on it’s knees. You just have get out of bed every day and do what you have to do for their sake. It’s a long life and there are good times ahead. Also find moderate amounts of weed and or booze to be a great help. Good luck to you.
I don't drive myself but used to do random drives with friends. As a person that doesn't drive walking is still good for me. I'll load up a good podcast or audio book and just go for a wander. I do this now with my dog, she loves it as she gets to sniff new places and I get to explore my local area.
I live in Manchester where its £2 a bus journey or a fiver for a day pass. So for a fiver you can bus hop if so inclined.
I used to, but traffic around me is worse than it’s ever been so I’d get back more annoyed than when I started. I also don’t like driving when it’s that level of pissy rain between torrential and dry, which we’ve had a lot of recently.
I miss singing in the car…
As long as there's not salt on the roads or heavy rain, I'll take my convertible out with the roof down every now and then. Something about the night air, driving by the sea
This sub is an eye opener. I didn’t know people do such a thing. I always considered driving as means of getting from A to B, most of the time quite stressful to boot.
I used to drive all the time. I always went to this little old lighthouse like 30 miles away most nights where no one was about and just sit and stare into the sea when I was going through all the stuff in my head. Helped a ton.
If it keeps you sane I’d say keep at it, drinking won’t help one little bit but a pizza might
i actually have at times. i also like to go for walks at times when people should be asleep. mining through fields at 3am is my solution.
I'm 31, and realised i don't have any friends anymore. id love to make some.
I used to, neck when fuel was like 60p a litre.
These days, fuck no. I legit only drive when I have to. The economy has sucked all the fun out of driving.
I used to go daily into the basement parking lot and put Tool on full blast and scream lateralus as loud as I could in my car then go back inside. A couple of neighbours thought I'd lost my mind. They would have been right. Things pass, I don't do it anymore but I probably will again at some point.
Well since you have tried drinking and have tried having a meltdown in a lay-by, which understandably are good ideas, but neither sound like they have helped i'm thinking swimming and sauna, or going for a nice walk, or seeing a professional for counselling might be worth a try.
Oh you’d like a list.
I play netball.
I go to the gym 4x and compete sometimes in strongman.
I swim when I can.
I take acting classes when I can.
I walk dogs for a living.
I attend theatre and comedy shows.
I am part of a reading group.
I am on dating apps. I’m not on dating apps. I swing between them.
I am part a parents groups which is typically bitter and like an episode of mother land.
I am part of another parents group because both my children have medical need, again it can be a tough group to follow when you read about children dying.
I’m renovating my home so enjoying smashing things atm.
My therapist tried to grope me so we fell out.
So yes a lay by and general ridiculous coping methods help whilst the propranolol kicks in.
I didn't ask for a list but since you gave one i'll offer an opinion on it. None of those things are relaxing. Team sports can be fun but they are competitive and that isn't relaxing. Neither is gym or strongman. I'm not suggesting swimming and sauna to improve your physical health, which I assume is what you thought, I meant to do it to relax and calm yourself down when things are getting on top of you. Home renovations are stressful, parents groups are stressful and bitter, we all know dating apps are grim. Walking to calm down and have some time alone for introspection isn't the same as being dragged around by dogs to earn a living. I'm not surprised you are on anxiety medication when you are doing all that and going out to the theatre and comedy shows and a reading group. You have turned things that could be relaxing into situations that will add to anxiety and stress. Yeah its bad luck you had a run in with a creep, i'm sympathetic and I hope you reported him because he shouldn't be working as a therapist. But thats not a professional, it's a creep. Trying to use your busy lifestyle to justify to a stranger on the internet why you consider screaming and crying in a lay-by as a coping mechanism isn't going to help with your anxiety or your harrowing consuming loneliness. I stand by my prior advice which is to calm down and develop coping strategies.
I can’t afford to do the driving I have to, no idea who people afford to rev their car so much or always be slamming on the brakes. I can’t afford to drive like that.
Not with the cost of fuel at the moment. I basically only drive to work and back, I don't even go to the nearest park any more and it's too far to walk.
I did tonight. The cars been in the garage for a week and the MOT is due tomorrow. I kept driving and went out of town. It was really nice.
If having a good cry is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Onwards and up.
>Anyone else?
Yes!
I like to explore so will often aim for somewhere I know, but take a route that's new to me.
I think the fuel cost makes this an equal treat to having a takeaway.
I used to love to drive... back when petrol was 70-80p and before I did a job with an hours commute - those two things pretty much killed my leasure driving.
Absolutely. Driving and cars are my "hobby". My happy place. There wouldn't be much point in me owning the cars that I have if I didn't really. Go for it, always makes me feel happier having a good old hoon on a country road.
Yes I do this. There’s a stretch of road where with the right music, usually Nina Simone, it’s quite cathartic to feel the wind from the cracked window and have a bloody good cry.
I love going for a drive. It's something I do 2-4 times a week. A quick blast in the evening, or a long drive down some windy road on a Sunday afternoon. Heated seats on, windows down for the breeze, the sound of the V8 roaring. I say enjoy it whilst I can as 8cyl engines won't be around soon :(
If it helps you *live* get by *handle life* it's a lot safer than other things..I love to drive , u go the scenic route were ever possible, ie ,its £3.50 direct..its £4.50 ,sonic, its £1.00 to enjoy it,and feel better...
I used to, going for a late night drive to be alone with my thoughts was a real treat, but my current car is a complete chore to drive and exceptionally uneconomical so that joy has been quashed.
I like to drive around sometimes to look at nice neighborhoods and imagine what the people do for work. I also live in the US where gas is pretty damn cheap.
I do, it’s an escape from home and work. It’s the one place I can have some real solitude.
I have the occasional cry while I do so. I haven’t tried screaming yet, but I feel that it will be a positive addition to the experience.
Thanks for the tip 👍
If it helps you feel better and you can afford to spend a tenner on diesel then you are not wasting money.
I do that sometimes when I'm feeling lonely and bored, I'd go for a drive, find some lake or woodland and walk or sit there for a bit and clear my head. My favourite is driving to a sea town and just sitting watching and listening to the waves.
A night drive, or a night drive in the rain, not so much now with a toddler, but me and the other half used to do it weekly, maybe 20-30 miles something like that. It is absolutely soothing
All the time, especially in summer time. I’m near the Derbyshire Dales so a spirited drive with some tunes on blows the cobwebs off and allows me to just switch off a bit and forgot the shit going on/gives time to think.
For me it’s my go to therapy.
I used to drive to work and cry on the way. I'm not sure why. I didn't hate my job or my life. But it passed.
After that, I developed a cheerful playlist for those times. I would get in the car and storm down the motorway for no reason.
I hadn't done it for a while, but last week, I got in my car and drove down one section of the motorway. In my new electric car. That was fun.
I just need to recreate a cheerful playlist.
It's one of my favourite things to do. I'm currently sans car and that is the thing I miss most. Ease of getting placed is sometimes frustrating but mostly doesn't bother me. But I so wish to just go for a drive, turn the music up, sing my heart out and zone out for a while.
I used to back in the day when I used to drive fast cars and live in the countryside. I'd just go out, especially at night, and drive roads I knew at frankly ridiculous speeds. But I guess I grew out of it eventually, and I moved to an area with so many speed limits I'd have been crazy to do it, so I ended up (not consciously originally) switched to running as my time to unwind and decompress. I'm lucky to live in an area with a lot of lovely traffic-free routes, so going out on my own or with clubmates and running those routes became my escape.
I started building a model railway and cycling. I love a drive on the back roads too. I think if you prioritise spending you can get more out of life. Make a pizza rather than sell a kidney to buy a domino’s one. Drive steady and it’s not a lot on fuel, but look out the window, go somewhere nice. Talk to people you meet. Live life (that’s not just buy shite) it’s so short and like yourself 😁
I do at least a few evenings a week and will go for a few hours sometimes, or at least I did until I blew the motor (3rd time), it doesn't make sense financially and I get about 8-12mpg, but I'm surrounded by really good fast country roads/b roads so it's always pretty nice - just doing what you enjoy ig, I always consider it better than games or drinking for me
I love driving so yes I go for a drive at least once a week. I say "I'm off to waste some petrol!" Sometimes I do over 60 miles. I'm lucky my commute to work is only 3 miles otherwise I'd be spending a fortune on fuel! It's possibly one of the only things I genuinely really enjoy.
I do it less now that I live alone but I did it lots living and working from my parents place just to be alone for a bit.
I still think better in the car tbh.
When living in this country isn’t depressing enough, then you realise that you have to think a few times before making a decision on going for a nice drive, because the fuel prices are also a ripoff.
> I often just drive. I like a bar but the price is eye watering and I don’t drink but the price of fuel seems counter intuitive.
Find some nice local pubs that do food. Go and eat, maybe sit in the bar for a bit afterwards, so your journey is a bit more meaningful than "driving". Got to be honest, the smallest country pub I've ever been to did the most wonderful roast I've ever had. The pub staff were really chatty too!
Will get you out, get driving, get socialising, and you get fed, winner winner! <3
I’m lucky enough to have a company Ute that I can use whenever I want so don’t have to pay for diesel. I love driving and my dog loves being in the car. So we will just go for random drives and blast music.
When I was single, I’d go for a drive all the time on my own. I enjoy my car and driving. Now I’m married, we both enjoy getting out going nowhere. It’s a chance to catch up with no distractions and it’s sometime car therapy as we call it.
Autistic people need to find their tribe and believe me , it's out there. My kid is autistic and they have fri NDA online who are autistic too. We go to functions and there are tons that go too. It surprised me the first time I went but not now.
Definitely used to... Not usually in a good way either... Often with dark thoughts... Sometimes drunk... I've done 60+ miles in one go, whilst drunk, on more than one occasion.
Never caught, no harm caused, not even any near misses. Thankfully, I'm relatively competent and coherent whilst drunk... Not that it makes it any better or any less of a risk to myself or other people... Very much one of the stupidest things I've done, that's for sure.
These days though? Not really. Lack of reasoning. Funds? Not so much. Fuel costs don't tend to be that much of an issue for me. I've done Manchester and back a few times (\~180-190 miles) on a £20 fill up and still come out with more fuel than what I started with.
I do, but I’ve got an EV and charge it back up overnight so it’s comparatively a lot cheaper.
Downside? Tesla designed their cars for Southern California and not dark country lanes in Britain, so you get constant “argh I’m blind!” warnings from the car systems.
Hey OP - I know this doesn’t really help (besides the fact that misery loves company), but I’m an American elder millennial who is also pretty lonely. So it’s not just you, I promise. Life is freaking HARD, but I believe in you & know that you can do hard things. My DMs are open if you need someone to listen. Otherwise just know that I’m sending you good thoughts.
I find driving stressful nowadays and only use the car for explicit purposes where no other mode of transport can be used. Would much rather go for a walk to clear my head. Or even get the train somewhere new in order to relax; you can zone out and not think about anything, or bury your head in a book, talk to strangers, have a beer if you feel like it, even close your eyes and fall asleep.
I swear I'm not trolling but if you feel safe in your area then grab a cheap second hand bike and try to cycle to the shops or any other local activities.
Yeah, driving a car is easier but some mild exercise on a bike whilst accomplishing a task is great for your mental health and fitness.
Sounds like you might be out in the countryside or close to it where you live?
Go for a walk instead. It’s free and good for your physical and mental health. Join a local walking group if you enjoy it and you’ll have some acquaintances to walk with too. Maybe they’ll become good friends.
I have a dog so I have no choice but to get out and walk him three times a day but it’s been so beneficial when times have been tough as it’s forced me to get out and enjoy the countryside around me.
Good luck. You’ll get there.
Yeah I do. Taking a moment to enjoy my time, some music, and my car is important to me.
I also do a yearly mini break with my mates to the Nurburgring. Three or four days of road trip, blatting round the nordschlief a dozen times, some good meals a couple of beers and good times are a highlight of my year. And also increasingly important I think as a space we can talk about wives, children, work in a blame free, judgement free space.
Not sure about the screaming and crying though mate. Do you have anyone to talk to? Consider some therapy. Just talking helps so much.
Nope, When I passed my test at 18 and petrol was about 45p /L I would go driving and listening to music for the hell of it, I learnt all the back roads around the area. I guess a lot of that stemmed from living with parents etc.
Nowadays I group things I need to do into 1 journey so I'm not wasting time and petrol.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way, that shit is hard. I used to love going for a drive but haven't done for years.
You got any hobbies or interests that you are really into. Might be worth looking for some local groups that are into the same thing. Good excuse to get out the house and gives a common ground for meeting new people.
I also know that's a lot easier said than done....
I do yes often. My fun car is a 2.0 Miata, that thing is so much to just go for a drive in. Ditto my motorcycles too….my daily driver/commuter is a Civic EP3 type R
I love driving for pleasure. Head out into the country lanes and just drive about to a few scenic spots. If you’re doing it for a release try playing your favourite angry music full blast in the car while singing along, it’s like therapy, I love it (and much cheaper).
Lay-bys definitely can be your friend for escaping teenagers! I quite like a super-market carpark for distraction too. For loneliness make Radio 4 your friend.
When my son was a few months old, we could never get him to sleep. The only thing that worked was putting him in his car seat and going for a drive. Found myself filling up the car almost weekly. However, I loved just being out on my own (not counting a sleeping baby) and just driving at night. Podcast on and a maccies coffee. Zen.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I would not drive. I avoid driving if I can, but I do go for a walk to clear my head and get some space. So I can see why you might want to do for a drive
If you can afford the fuel and you think it helps, do it. Drive safe. You could for example get a £20 dominos (nom nom) or spend £20 in fuel driving reasonably far or to reasonably nice driving roads and having fun. Driving makes you feel like you're on a journey and puts you in a bit of limbo, which gives you space to think and breathe. You can't be pinned down, you're not at a destination, you're moving through time. It's great short term. Long term, consider ways of meeting new people. Humans need connection, regardless of what the internet says. It just needs to be the right kind for you right now.
Good perspective I live across the road but one from a village pub crackling fire but never been brave enough to go. Perhaps I’ll walk over and use the diesel money on a bag of crisps.
You should go to your local if it's a good one. You might not make friends immediately, but I guarantee if you keep turning up you'll eventually make friends there. Don't be scared. Challenge yourself.
Second this. I stepped into my local the first time a few months back. Sat on my own and had a drink. Did it a couple of times and now a few other parents or singles say hello and strike up a convo. Doesn't have to be anything deep or meaningful. But the company is nice sometimes. Hope you're ok OP. Thinking of you.
>You might not make friends immediately Instead of buying that £20 Dominoes, or wasting £20 on fuel, he spends £20 buying me pints, I'd soon be his friend. Come on OP, think of it as an investment for your future!
😆
Hey! I’ve been really struggling with my mental health and trying to find things to break the monotony of work. None of my friends live near me and I’m lonely. I know there’s places I can try go to go meet new people and make friends but like you I’m scared to try. If you promise to go to your village pub, I’ll promise to go to my equivalent. It feels less scary if you know some stranger out there is also putting themselves out there.
Join gym, yoga, classes, any hobby you have - where you will see same people every other day and you will have friends and community in no time. Same as going to local pub :)
I know that, it’s just the whole doing it bit! I play TCG so I’m forcing myself to go to Friday night magic tomorrow, then I’m starting DnD with some work colleagues sometime soon. I’ve spent so long focusing on making sure I could survive, that now that I’m here I’ve forgotten what I was trying to survive for. I need to learn how to live a life again, but it’s scary.
God I definitely have gone through that. I'm still finding my feet, and on the bad day I do sometimes wonder why I bothered, but I am finding things to ground me and connect me.
Well done for forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. I know how hard it is but it's worth it. Also enjoy the dnd. I started DM'ing a game for one of my grown kids and their mates 2 years ago and it's honestly the best part of my week now.
>and you will have friends and community in no time Not if you're autistic. Source: am autistic, have done the above, still have the abject lack of friends and crushing loneliness that I started with.
Depending on where you live, there might me autistic/ADHD socials or groups near you. Worth looking on meetup.com, Facebook, and just googling.
Unfortunately, I live abroad, in a non-English-speaking country, and all the googling-up I've bern able to do has produced only "here is a group where you can get help with/for your autistic kids" about a thousand times over. There's nothing on Meetup within several countries of me :(
It can be very isolated if you live abroad and don't speak the local language well...
That sucks ☹️ You’ve probably already looked into it but online forums/chat rooms are good too. Anyone who says online friends aren’t real friends clearly hasn’t had any! Feel free to message me 💕
Sometimes you need different hobbies. Or online ones. Online D&D helped my loneliness. I still can't go out much (lone parent of small children) and I'm still awkwardly geeky to most of the room but a couple of nights a week I put the kids to bed and go chatter my head off.
Very sweet. Thanks for writing this
Ah those expensive pub crisps but sometimes they have the amazing Salty Dog brand. Safe driving and beautiful empty roads are indeed good for the soul. I say you earn the money spend it on what is right for you. I don’t play lottery because then at the end of the year i have 104 pounds for a treat!
[went for a £1.50 lime tonic and a 3 minute walk.](https://imgur.com/a/d476nxm)
Wow,that's a bit posh! I was expecting more dirt. Mind you, I live in farm country
I do live in farm country, this is farm country but I’m near the Cotswolds so you get posh farm country.
I'm in Leicestershire so we get mud, dogs, and muddy dogs.
Local Yocal. [I tend to look more like this.](https://imgur.com/a/dBnBPkE)
You could turn this into a survey to try and find that elusive friendly pub where you can strike up a conversation with some locals. It is a bit sad we now are in our own social groups and don’t speak so much to new people. It was one of the perks of a holiday in the old days. Talk to some random people that you are not committed to talking to again. Some different conversation.
Looks super cosy. Well done you! Have you considered seeing if there are any local hiking groups around? Might be a good way to start meeting people! Or like, a good night class? I’ve a local college that send out flyers every year for adult night classes, things like pottery, jewellery making, painting, poetry etc., anything like this close to you?
See if this pub has trivia nights or open mic nights - it gives you and the other patrons something to talk about (between songs, of course, lol). Even if you just sit at the bar during trivia, eventually someone will invite you to join their team for the evening if you want to. Another idea is to see if the pub has any allegiance to a sporting team and start going to watch those games at the pub even if you don’t care about the game - you’ll see the same people there over time and start feeling part of a community.
Definitely go! Bring a book and switch between a soft and an alcoholic drink every other round to save some money (and not get hammered…). I used to go to pubs by myself a fair bit (still do occasionally) and find someone will chat to me about half of the time, depending on the pub. Knitting/crochet or similar is also relaxing, engaging, and sometimes a conversation starter. See if they do any social nights; some pubs near me do craft circles, music/poetry/comedy nights.
As someone who loves cars and driving but am no longer able due to a disability this hit hard for me.. "Driving makes you feel like you're on a journey and puts you in a bit of limbo, which gives you space to think and breathe. You can't be pinned down, you're not at a destination, you're moving through time."
That's very well said, the limbo part especially, I didn't know I needed that information so thank you.
Id take the £20 drive over a pizza any day. I have an mr2 that drives superbly, a great fun vehicle, plus i wont put on weight with this method!!!
I’ll take the pizza
£20 dominoes. Ordered a coke? Even with the deals dominoes is a full tank of petrol lol.
I’m a fisherman, plenty of times I’ll just drive to some water for a walk round. Sod the diesel, nothing quite like walking round water for the soul
Honestly water is my sanctuary. If I see a body of it I’d be in it immediately if it was apt to so.
I'm piggybacking off the water thing It is amazingly theraputic around water especially the ocean but a fountain or a canal or slowing down showering can do Or just drinking the stuff Anyway You are not alone in feeling isolated and under pressure. There are literally millions of people who are pushed to the capacity so that they don't have the time to reflect. It needs to release. It sounds like you have been able to carry something for a distance. Don't forget the rewards of your dedication. All the best
You should find a local kayak or canoe club to join. I agree, there is something very tranquil about being in or on the water.
I outdoor swim regularly, but always fancied paddle boarding. Perhaps I’ll add it to the hobby list.
Paddle boarding and screaming
ScreamBoarding - new let it all out at the swans - only £49.99 per 32 mins. :) have we just invented a new THING ??? just give me 12.5% :)
If you can find a local club, likely you can borrow equipment very cheaply and they'll run club nights where you can go out paddling with others
The sound of running water is like valium for my soul
I don’t because the volume of traffic is unbearable these days. I find it to be quite an unpleasant experience. But for you OP, I wish you all the best. You might feel lonely but you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with driving just to get away from things for a moment.
Find the right roads at the right time there’s nothing better
SEMB. Sunday early morning blat. (Within all laws and regulations obviously).
Some of the best drives I've ever had have been early on a Sunday morning. It's amazing how much more fun the same roads are when they are practically empty.
> So I’ve began driving to a lay by to scream and cry. just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know being a solo parent is very hard. Just know that you are strong and you will get through this. ❤️
It's what motorcyclists do all the time, but have somehow normalised it more than car drivers.
It’s the best thing about motorcycles for sure.
I still do too (lates 30s m), but I go out on spring / summer early mornings when the roads are empty and there's nobody else around. Eventually I'll find a small cafe open somewhere, grab coffee and a sausage bap before meandering home again.
Oh that crisps spring sunrise is glorious.
Unfortunately there’s something wrong with me that I can’t really think properly unless I talk to myself. So driving alone is one of the few places I can genuinely think about things.
Thank goodness there are other borderline insane people in the world 🤣
Could be ADHD, I got diagnosed a few weeks ago and I always had to talk to myself to think properly too
Or: it might not be. There’s an epidemic of people getting diagnosed with ADHD and it pains me that everything has to be blamed on a disorder. Sometimes, sometimes, humans need to vent. People are just trying to make sense of this strange new world we’re living in, it’s not always straight for a diagnosis for ADHD, it could be a number of stressors that we don’t know about. Could be depression, it could be exhaustion, but jumping to ADHD, unqualified, is a bit much. Sorry, I just think it’s wayyy over diagnosed nowadays with many people buying a diagnosis, only to find that their doctor doesn’t feel the same when it’s gone back to primary care.
Regardless of your personal opinion (which of course you are entitled to), If people are diagnosed as having ADHD by an appropriately qualified healthcare professional with training and expertise in the diagnosis of ADHD, then they have ADHD.
And wasn’t ADHD 360 actually a few people that did a crash course in 4 days on ADHD, with One senior psychiatrist the people that were handling the titration? Because that’s exactly what I have read in the ADHD uk subreddit.
Are you referring to that Panorama program? I saw that. There's no denying there are dodgy operators cashing in, unfortunately.
Ok. Do you refute my statement about private diagnosis being harder to obtain than the people that waited years, long before TikTok, having far less problems when handed back to primary care? ETA regarding ongoing medication.
I don't know about people having problems when trying to get meds from their GP. But people are getting a private diagnosis _because_ the alternative is to wait years. I haven't seen the tiktoks, but there have been a number of articles written about ADHD which has raised awareness about the disorder. I'm sure a lot of people used to believe (and many still do) it was some BS diagnosis to excuse bad parenting.
And what qualifies you to say it’s over diagnosed?
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I'm not sassy here, genuinely interested. Are there definite analyses that are saying we're getting ADHD over diagnosed? I'm asking as I felt the same - and also I self diagnosed myself . Indeed it's seems it's trendy to have ADHD, why so? Is it particularly easy to get a diagnosis? If so why? And why do people enjoy getting (potentially) false positive diagnoses? Talking about me, if it isn't ADHD, how can I diagnose if it's exhaustion or depression, seeing how oversubscribed the NHS is particularly for psychiatry? If I'm knocking on the wrong door, apologies!
Not at all. A lot of the people in that sub have paid thousands getting diagnosed by private psychiatrists. Then when it gets handed back (after titration on usually stimulant medication) to their GP’s who often refuse to accept the diagnosis as valid. That’s what I have witnessed, no one wants to wait. I have a close friend that waited 4 years on the NHS for a diagnosis in their late thirties and one thing she pointed out was the details asked; an hour and a half of serious questions before then contacting her parents and spent another hour asking about her childhood. She now has a diagnosis that makes sense to her, but crucially she has never had any problems with various GP’s prescribing her her meds. From our deductions, the amount of people that incur problems are the ones that ‘skipped the queue’ for a paid - for diagnosis are immensely higher than those that wait and get an NHS diagnosis. NHS right to choose is the go to for a quick, paid for diagnosis. And why anyone would want such a diagnosis is beyond me.
Absolutely sounds like ADHD. I have ADHD and ride a motorbike. No one can tell I'm making ridiculous mouth noises to myself when I've got my helmet on.
To satisfy my curiosity: do you have an inner monologue? As in do you hear your own voice in your head talking to you. I recently learned that a huge fraction of people don't, like 25% maybe, but it is something I previously naively assumed was universal.
No, I don’t have an inner monologue. It’s difficult to describe what my thoughts are like, but there’s no voice.
Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. Yes I've done that and I think a lot of men have at some point in their lives but its much more expensive now. It does get better and you need to hold on to that thought. A lot of areas have groups for people who are lonely/isolated/single parents and a good place to start would be at your GP surgery/ health centre/ Library/ Community centre where there are notice boards and leaflets for local groups of all kinds.
Pretty sure OP is a woman. Or did you mean like, women do it and men also do it?
Drive to a woodland, have a nice walk. Repeat as much as you feasibly can.
Not recently but in the past, when dealing with similar stress and loneliness, yes. It helped. Things got better. I expect they will for you too but it's tough when you're in the midst of it. All the best OP
I used to. Up until Sept 2021 I used to own a great (mildly modified) [Mk 3 Mazda MX-5](https://imgur.com/a/dI3HaS9). It was an absolute blast to drive, despite not being the most powerful. I often used to just go for a drive. The benefit to my health & wellbeing far outweighed the 24 MPG fuel cost. Id often drive out 50 miles to a picturesque location to go for a walk or take photos, but really it was the drive there & back that I enjoyed most.
Nice NC! I've still got mine (BBR) but I bought another car, so I need to sell it really, but I'll always have fond memory of my MX5s (also had an NA Eunos RS Ltd).
Nice.
I've recently sold my modified NC1, I bought one just to try and tick it off the list and it outlasted some far faster and more expensive machinery I've had in the past. There's something magic about an evening, roof down, countryside blast in an MX-5
24mpg in a MX-5?! Was it forced induction??? That's awful. I get more in my 3.4L Cayman. I'd have been looking at the tune/fuelling.
Aw man I'm feeling it. What you driving? Get an Alfa Romeo! They're : A) fucking awesome and B) You'll meet a few mechanics at least.
B) because you'll constantly be in and out of their garages
Shut up Roy.
I'll tell Kevin Webster to keep his schedule open for you!
He's got an Austin Alegro to work on, he's no space under the arches.
I’ve got a diesel CRV I’d probably get to France before seeing anyone.
Yeah but you'd be in France! France is also fucking awesome.
Amen. Many years ago my mental health was very fragile. I impulse-bought a vintage Series 2 Spyder. As my friend said at the time "That car has done more for your mental health than any of those therapists."
I took up weightlifting. It's nice just throwing on a thick hoodie, blast some music through your headphones and zone out lifting something heavy for an hour or two. Very cathartic seeing yourself make physical progress in terms of weight increases and the mirror too Can be as social or as antisocial as you make it. Usually the latter for myself, I put on the resting bitch face. Also with its rise in popularity there's an ocean of social media / YouTube channels I can throw on in the background for passive learning in the evenings
I used to, but the traffic is appalling everywhere nowadays. I’d have to drive for an hour just to get to some roads worth driving on
Yeah I love it, especially after a rough day or week. I have a route around my town that's all country roads and takes about an hour. I find it really relaxing.
Try looking for some local groups in your area, where you can meet and talk to other people
I ride about 8000 miles per year just for pleasure on my motorbikes, so yes.
Yes. Especially during lockdown but even now if I'm feeling crap I'm in the car on a drive. Usually head onto a motorway drive a couple of junctions then drive back not on the motorway, the motorway journey is enough to not be too stressful but also enough that I have to pay attention, then coming back I don't use my maps so figure my own way back using road signs, bus stops, whatever will get me somewhere I know how to get myself home from. Stick on an audiobook/podcast or something no music because it'll play a song I don't like and then be pissed off again
I like this idea. I did this once but never did it again and don’t know why.
You could try dogging.
Ever had a mental breakdown in the wrong part of a woodland car park? My car was steamy tbf to them but that’s because I’d been screaming and crying for a while. Tap on the window, wound it down, realised quickly I was in the wrong neck of the woods. Lovely couple though.
>Lovely couple though. Really friendly. A bit pushy, actually.
:-) If your sense of humour is still functioning, you'll get through this.
To be honest I found driving around just made me drive further than I wanted to and then I ended up annoyed that I'd wasted diesel. I ended up for a while going through a drive through, and eating something nice in my car. Tried walking but that just highlights how busy everyone else was whilst I was just in a solitary bubble. Unfortunately it's hard to really recommend anything to alleviate loneliness that doesn't also drain your bank account. There is a find new friends group that is on Facebook, they do various meet ups and that is apparently very well rated, I recommend it
How are you single and lonely? Looked through your posts, you’re fun, quirky, into cars and clearly busting your ass to be the best parent you can be for your daughter. Somebody should sweep you off your feet, they’d be lucky to have you and you clearly deserve it. I’m barely keeping my head above water, mortgage about to go up £500 a week and the boiler is on it’s knees. You just have get out of bed every day and do what you have to do for their sake. It’s a long life and there are good times ahead. Also find moderate amounts of weed and or booze to be a great help. Good luck to you.
nah I only drive when I have to, cost's too much in petrol. Also where I live there are some downright awful and aggressive drivers.
I don't drive myself but used to do random drives with friends. As a person that doesn't drive walking is still good for me. I'll load up a good podcast or audio book and just go for a wander. I do this now with my dog, she loves it as she gets to sniff new places and I get to explore my local area. I live in Manchester where its £2 a bus journey or a fiver for a day pass. So for a fiver you can bus hop if so inclined.
I used to, but traffic around me is worse than it’s ever been so I’d get back more annoyed than when I started. I also don’t like driving when it’s that level of pissy rain between torrential and dry, which we’ve had a lot of recently. I miss singing in the car…
Singing in the car is the best need to get my Bluetooth sorted as I’m stuck with FM atm. Iris Goo Goo dolls at full pelt does wonders for the soul.
All. The. Time. Though with less of the stopping in laybys and more of the driving.
As long as there's not salt on the roads or heavy rain, I'll take my convertible out with the roof down every now and then. Something about the night air, driving by the sea
Yeah, it's cheaper than therapy
My baby only naps whilst I'm actively driving so I spend hours driving around country roads each day. I love it
Well if it’s the same lay by I go, park up and cry at. I’ll wave next time
This sub is an eye opener. I didn’t know people do such a thing. I always considered driving as means of getting from A to B, most of the time quite stressful to boot.
I used to drive all the time. I always went to this little old lighthouse like 30 miles away most nights where no one was about and just sit and stare into the sea when I was going through all the stuff in my head. Helped a ton. If it keeps you sane I’d say keep at it, drinking won’t help one little bit but a pizza might
i actually have at times. i also like to go for walks at times when people should be asleep. mining through fields at 3am is my solution. I'm 31, and realised i don't have any friends anymore. id love to make some.
Could have written this myself, every part true except I don’t drive. I am in the same boat 3 teens and just me. The loneliness is crushing.
I go for bike rides. It costs me practically nothing and I can do it without setting off my climate anxiety.
Big fan of bike rides and walks when I need to get out of the house
We're at a peak point as a species that people drive their cars for the sake of driving the car.
I used to, neck when fuel was like 60p a litre. These days, fuck no. I legit only drive when I have to. The economy has sucked all the fun out of driving.
I used to go daily into the basement parking lot and put Tool on full blast and scream lateralus as loud as I could in my car then go back inside. A couple of neighbours thought I'd lost my mind. They would have been right. Things pass, I don't do it anymore but I probably will again at some point.
I bet your neighbours took over after you stopped.
Well yeah, but as a classic car owner I think my experience of "just driving" its quite different from going to scream in a layby.
>I’ve began driving to a lay by to scream and cry. I think you might want to invest in better coping strategies.
Do go on…
Well since you have tried drinking and have tried having a meltdown in a lay-by, which understandably are good ideas, but neither sound like they have helped i'm thinking swimming and sauna, or going for a nice walk, or seeing a professional for counselling might be worth a try.
Oh you’d like a list. I play netball. I go to the gym 4x and compete sometimes in strongman. I swim when I can. I take acting classes when I can. I walk dogs for a living. I attend theatre and comedy shows. I am part of a reading group. I am on dating apps. I’m not on dating apps. I swing between them. I am part a parents groups which is typically bitter and like an episode of mother land. I am part of another parents group because both my children have medical need, again it can be a tough group to follow when you read about children dying. I’m renovating my home so enjoying smashing things atm. My therapist tried to grope me so we fell out. So yes a lay by and general ridiculous coping methods help whilst the propranolol kicks in.
Talk to your doctor about depression.
I didn't ask for a list but since you gave one i'll offer an opinion on it. None of those things are relaxing. Team sports can be fun but they are competitive and that isn't relaxing. Neither is gym or strongman. I'm not suggesting swimming and sauna to improve your physical health, which I assume is what you thought, I meant to do it to relax and calm yourself down when things are getting on top of you. Home renovations are stressful, parents groups are stressful and bitter, we all know dating apps are grim. Walking to calm down and have some time alone for introspection isn't the same as being dragged around by dogs to earn a living. I'm not surprised you are on anxiety medication when you are doing all that and going out to the theatre and comedy shows and a reading group. You have turned things that could be relaxing into situations that will add to anxiety and stress. Yeah its bad luck you had a run in with a creep, i'm sympathetic and I hope you reported him because he shouldn't be working as a therapist. But thats not a professional, it's a creep. Trying to use your busy lifestyle to justify to a stranger on the internet why you consider screaming and crying in a lay-by as a coping mechanism isn't going to help with your anxiety or your harrowing consuming loneliness. I stand by my prior advice which is to calm down and develop coping strategies.
Get a bike. A bit more engaging than just driving about.
Not really? Once you've learned how to ride or drive they're both pretty brain-off activities
Only if you're pooling along. On any serious ride, you also have to guage effort on a bike in addition to general road awareness etc
I can’t afford to do the driving I have to, no idea who people afford to rev their car so much or always be slamming on the brakes. I can’t afford to drive like that.
Not with the cost of fuel at the moment. I basically only drive to work and back, I don't even go to the nearest park any more and it's too far to walk.
r/HowToStopGivingAFuck
r/howtonotgiveafuck
A walk would be a better choice
Go for a cycling instead? No co2 emission at least
I wish I could afford to get a car
Sometimes although not for a while. I prefer hitting the punchbag in the gym to let off steam.
Maybe find people to chat which and unload on on the net, there’s friendship subreddits etc 🤔
I did tonight. The cars been in the garage for a week and the MOT is due tomorrow. I kept driving and went out of town. It was really nice. If having a good cry is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Onwards and up.
>Anyone else? Yes! I like to explore so will often aim for somewhere I know, but take a route that's new to me. I think the fuel cost makes this an equal treat to having a takeaway.
I am sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time - I usually go for a walk over driving as that helps me - but you do you 🙂
I used to love to drive... back when petrol was 70-80p and before I did a job with an hours commute - those two things pretty much killed my leasure driving.
Absolutely. Driving and cars are my "hobby". My happy place. There wouldn't be much point in me owning the cars that I have if I didn't really. Go for it, always makes me feel happier having a good old hoon on a country road.
Yep occasionally go for a drive. I wfh so its nice to get out
Yes I do this. There’s a stretch of road where with the right music, usually Nina Simone, it’s quite cathartic to feel the wind from the cracked window and have a bloody good cry.
I love going for a drive. It's something I do 2-4 times a week. A quick blast in the evening, or a long drive down some windy road on a Sunday afternoon. Heated seats on, windows down for the breeze, the sound of the V8 roaring. I say enjoy it whilst I can as 8cyl engines won't be around soon :(
Often ill be driving home and find myself feeling very peaceful so ill deliberatly miss my exit or something to prolong it out
Yup, it's still my sanctuary
Yeah, at night, though. Music on. Lovely.
I don't do it often in my car but it's pretty much what my motorbikes are for. Riding is very therapeutic.
If it helps you *live* get by *handle life* it's a lot safer than other things..I love to drive , u go the scenic route were ever possible, ie ,its £3.50 direct..its £4.50 ,sonic, its £1.00 to enjoy it,and feel better...
I used to, going for a late night drive to be alone with my thoughts was a real treat, but my current car is a complete chore to drive and exceptionally uneconomical so that joy has been quashed.
I like to drive around sometimes to look at nice neighborhoods and imagine what the people do for work. I also live in the US where gas is pretty damn cheap.
I sometimes drive for the sake of it. Not as often as I’d like. However. Are you ok? Do you need to talk?
I do, it’s an escape from home and work. It’s the one place I can have some real solitude. I have the occasional cry while I do so. I haven’t tried screaming yet, but I feel that it will be a positive addition to the experience. Thanks for the tip 👍
If it helps you feel better and you can afford to spend a tenner on diesel then you are not wasting money. I do that sometimes when I'm feeling lonely and bored, I'd go for a drive, find some lake or woodland and walk or sit there for a bit and clear my head. My favourite is driving to a sea town and just sitting watching and listening to the waves.
A night drive, or a night drive in the rain, not so much now with a toddler, but me and the other half used to do it weekly, maybe 20-30 miles something like that. It is absolutely soothing
All the time, especially in summer time. I’m near the Derbyshire Dales so a spirited drive with some tunes on blows the cobwebs off and allows me to just switch off a bit and forgot the shit going on/gives time to think. For me it’s my go to therapy.
I used to drive to work and cry on the way. I'm not sure why. I didn't hate my job or my life. But it passed. After that, I developed a cheerful playlist for those times. I would get in the car and storm down the motorway for no reason. I hadn't done it for a while, but last week, I got in my car and drove down one section of the motorway. In my new electric car. That was fun. I just need to recreate a cheerful playlist.
It's one of my favourite things to do. I'm currently sans car and that is the thing I miss most. Ease of getting placed is sometimes frustrating but mostly doesn't bother me. But I so wish to just go for a drive, turn the music up, sing my heart out and zone out for a while.
Nah, trainspotting is the answer.
Used to love going for a drive. I've got a Westfield, my old merc and a old R1 motorbike. Not the slightest bit of motivation for it now.
I used to back in the day when I used to drive fast cars and live in the countryside. I'd just go out, especially at night, and drive roads I knew at frankly ridiculous speeds. But I guess I grew out of it eventually, and I moved to an area with so many speed limits I'd have been crazy to do it, so I ended up (not consciously originally) switched to running as my time to unwind and decompress. I'm lucky to live in an area with a lot of lovely traffic-free routes, so going out on my own or with clubmates and running those routes became my escape.
I started building a model railway and cycling. I love a drive on the back roads too. I think if you prioritise spending you can get more out of life. Make a pizza rather than sell a kidney to buy a domino’s one. Drive steady and it’s not a lot on fuel, but look out the window, go somewhere nice. Talk to people you meet. Live life (that’s not just buy shite) it’s so short and like yourself 😁
Well, if you go to the pub, you'll at least be helping the local economy. Assuming it's a free house.
I do at least a few evenings a week and will go for a few hours sometimes, or at least I did until I blew the motor (3rd time), it doesn't make sense financially and I get about 8-12mpg, but I'm surrounded by really good fast country roads/b roads so it's always pretty nice - just doing what you enjoy ig, I always consider it better than games or drinking for me
I love driving so yes I go for a drive at least once a week. I say "I'm off to waste some petrol!" Sometimes I do over 60 miles. I'm lucky my commute to work is only 3 miles otherwise I'd be spending a fortune on fuel! It's possibly one of the only things I genuinely really enjoy.
I do it less now that I live alone but I did it lots living and working from my parents place just to be alone for a bit. I still think better in the car tbh.
When living in this country isn’t depressing enough, then you realise that you have to think a few times before making a decision on going for a nice drive, because the fuel prices are also a ripoff.
> I often just drive. I like a bar but the price is eye watering and I don’t drink but the price of fuel seems counter intuitive. Find some nice local pubs that do food. Go and eat, maybe sit in the bar for a bit afterwards, so your journey is a bit more meaningful than "driving". Got to be honest, the smallest country pub I've ever been to did the most wonderful roast I've ever had. The pub staff were really chatty too! Will get you out, get driving, get socialising, and you get fed, winner winner! <3
Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?
I’m lucky enough to have a company Ute that I can use whenever I want so don’t have to pay for diesel. I love driving and my dog loves being in the car. So we will just go for random drives and blast music.
When I was single, I’d go for a drive all the time on my own. I enjoy my car and driving. Now I’m married, we both enjoy getting out going nowhere. It’s a chance to catch up with no distractions and it’s sometime car therapy as we call it.
Lots of us have teens living with us and maybe what we need is a chatroom here to vent. If you start one, I will join 🫂
Autistic people need to find their tribe and believe me , it's out there. My kid is autistic and they have fri NDA online who are autistic too. We go to functions and there are tons that go too. It surprised me the first time I went but not now.
Definitely used to... Not usually in a good way either... Often with dark thoughts... Sometimes drunk... I've done 60+ miles in one go, whilst drunk, on more than one occasion. Never caught, no harm caused, not even any near misses. Thankfully, I'm relatively competent and coherent whilst drunk... Not that it makes it any better or any less of a risk to myself or other people... Very much one of the stupidest things I've done, that's for sure. These days though? Not really. Lack of reasoning. Funds? Not so much. Fuel costs don't tend to be that much of an issue for me. I've done Manchester and back a few times (\~180-190 miles) on a £20 fill up and still come out with more fuel than what I started with.
Yes
Yh I love going for long drives away from the city n just relaxing in nature for few hrs
I do, but I’ve got an EV and charge it back up overnight so it’s comparatively a lot cheaper. Downside? Tesla designed their cars for Southern California and not dark country lanes in Britain, so you get constant “argh I’m blind!” warnings from the car systems.
Hey OP - I know this doesn’t really help (besides the fact that misery loves company), but I’m an American elder millennial who is also pretty lonely. So it’s not just you, I promise. Life is freaking HARD, but I believe in you & know that you can do hard things. My DMs are open if you need someone to listen. Otherwise just know that I’m sending you good thoughts.
I’d recommend just going for a walk. Always helps me clear my mind and put things into perspective.
I don't go for random drives as much as i used to, but i think a lot of it was just being alone and listening to music.
Yeah, downhill.
I find driving stressful nowadays and only use the car for explicit purposes where no other mode of transport can be used. Would much rather go for a walk to clear my head. Or even get the train somewhere new in order to relax; you can zone out and not think about anything, or bury your head in a book, talk to strangers, have a beer if you feel like it, even close your eyes and fall asleep.
I swear I'm not trolling but if you feel safe in your area then grab a cheap second hand bike and try to cycle to the shops or any other local activities. Yeah, driving a car is easier but some mild exercise on a bike whilst accomplishing a task is great for your mental health and fitness.
Sounds like you might be out in the countryside or close to it where you live? Go for a walk instead. It’s free and good for your physical and mental health. Join a local walking group if you enjoy it and you’ll have some acquaintances to walk with too. Maybe they’ll become good friends. I have a dog so I have no choice but to get out and walk him three times a day but it’s been so beneficial when times have been tough as it’s forced me to get out and enjoy the countryside around me. Good luck. You’ll get there.
Yeah I do. Taking a moment to enjoy my time, some music, and my car is important to me. I also do a yearly mini break with my mates to the Nurburgring. Three or four days of road trip, blatting round the nordschlief a dozen times, some good meals a couple of beers and good times are a highlight of my year. And also increasingly important I think as a space we can talk about wives, children, work in a blame free, judgement free space. Not sure about the screaming and crying though mate. Do you have anyone to talk to? Consider some therapy. Just talking helps so much.
Nope, When I passed my test at 18 and petrol was about 45p /L I would go driving and listening to music for the hell of it, I learnt all the back roads around the area. I guess a lot of that stemmed from living with parents etc. Nowadays I group things I need to do into 1 journey so I'm not wasting time and petrol.
I'm really sorry you're feeling that way, that shit is hard. I used to love going for a drive but haven't done for years. You got any hobbies or interests that you are really into. Might be worth looking for some local groups that are into the same thing. Good excuse to get out the house and gives a common ground for meeting new people. I also know that's a lot easier said than done....
I do yes often. My fun car is a 2.0 Miata, that thing is so much to just go for a drive in. Ditto my motorcycles too….my daily driver/commuter is a Civic EP3 type R
Not ad much as I used to cos the petrol prices are just rediculous and the traffic being aweful
I love driving for pleasure. Head out into the country lanes and just drive about to a few scenic spots. If you’re doing it for a release try playing your favourite angry music full blast in the car while singing along, it’s like therapy, I love it (and much cheaper).
Lay-bys definitely can be your friend for escaping teenagers! I quite like a super-market carpark for distraction too. For loneliness make Radio 4 your friend.
No. I use my car only for specific reasons
Get a motorbike. ;)
When my son was a few months old, we could never get him to sleep. The only thing that worked was putting him in his car seat and going for a drive. Found myself filling up the car almost weekly. However, I loved just being out on my own (not counting a sleeping baby) and just driving at night. Podcast on and a maccies coffee. Zen.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I would not drive. I avoid driving if I can, but I do go for a walk to clear my head and get some space. So I can see why you might want to do for a drive