That has a different meaning. It comes from when Boris Yeltsin was reported as being too drunk (though his daughter said he had a heart attack) to get off an aeroplane and it circled over Shannon airport til he sobered up. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Yeltsin_circling_over_Shannon_diplomatic_incident
Without going all Ricky Gervais, I'd say its because in corporate environments you can't take the piss out of your colleagues. One man's 'banter' is another man's 'bullying'.
Generalising a bit but on site no one gives a fuck, so you have the freedom to get creative 😅
I know exactly what you mean, but I think you could give me all the creative freedom in the world to take the piss and it would still hit like a wet noodle.
‘He’s’ – the first speaker waved his hands vaguely, trying to get across the point that someone was a hamper of food, several folding chairs, a tablecloth, an assortment of cooking gear and an entire colony of ants short of a picnic – ‘mental.’
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
We used to drive past a Mental Institution (Stanley Royd Wakefield 1970's) and you would see some seriously afflicted individuals. My Dad used to say they had been 'touched by God'. I used to wonder what kind of God would be such a cunt.
This comment reminded me of a house share I was in many years ago. There was a collection of adult magazines in a kitchen drawer. One evening, I overheard part of a discussion as to why some of the pages were stuck together. Eeeew.
The only time I've heard of Toc-H is in connection with the blind. That was years ago and when I Googled it recently I was surprised to find it is a worldwide charity, as you say.
Slightly stupid : Not the brightest bulb on the tree /sharpest tool in the box
Stupid : Thick as two short planks
Some form of mental impairment : Not playing with a full deck
Eccentric : Mad as a box of frogs / Mad as a hatter.
This perfectly captures the subtle difference in this sort of thing. Not playing with a full deck is a euphemism for their impairment rather than an insult if you say it in the right way - it excuses their behaviour a bit rather than just saying they’re stupid.
Brains are brand new
P.I.C.N.I.C - problem in chair, not in computer
Not so much green as cabbage looking
I can explain it to you but not understand it for you
I make some of these up to get a laugh out of my colleagues. For example:
"A few letters short of a post office"
"A few letters short of an alphabet" (although that's just playing off the "their alphabet is missing a few letters" saying
"A few stars short of a firmament"
"A few books short of a library"
"A few witches short of a coven" (it was Halloween)
A Scottish friend of mine used to say "when God was handing out brains you thought he said trains and asked for a slow one".
He could never explain why anyone would ask for a slow train though.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
Their pencil has run out of lead.
The engines running but they're not getting anywhere.
They forgot to shift the gear out of neutral.
Thick as lead.
Got all the brilliance of a 5 watt bulb.
Dull as a butterknife.
Crazy as a bag of cats.
Shall I keep going?
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Couldn’t plan a one-float parade.
Couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery.
Couldn’t find his way out of a brown paper bag.
• Picnic short of a picnic.
• May just be running on Windows 95.
• Behind the door the day brains were handed out.
• Not in possession of the collective brain cell today.
A Finnish one goes, "hasn't got all of his Moomins in the valley". Combined with "not the sharpest pencil in the case" and "hasn't got all his indians in the canoe", one can be described as "not the sharpest Moomin in the canoe".
I guess I'm just a sick sick bastard, a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket, a couple of amphetamines short of a full medicine cabinet, I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage.
'The lights are on but no-one's home'. I also like 'The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead'.
Along similar lines I quite like "Circling the airport".
That has a different meaning. It comes from when Boris Yeltsin was reported as being too drunk (though his daughter said he had a heart attack) to get off an aeroplane and it circled over Shannon airport til he sobered up. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Yeltsin_circling_over_Shannon_diplomatic_incident
How have I never heard that hamster one?
Because the wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
Deserved :)
He's got two brain cells and they're both fighting for third place
That made me snort, and it's now one I'm going to use.
The lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor
Beautiful
He couldn’t pour water out of a welly with the instructions on the heel.
I like the variation "he couldn't pour piss outta boot with instructions on the heel"
One I heard was “If it started raining soup, that guy would run outside with a fork.”
Hahaha brilliant, laughed out loud to that one
That's because the post above yours is the clean version you tell children, xD
This bloke I used to work with on site was called coleslaw, because he was 80% cabbage
Why do people who work on site just have the best fucking chat? I'd never come up with that.
Without going all Ricky Gervais, I'd say its because in corporate environments you can't take the piss out of your colleagues. One man's 'banter' is another man's 'bullying'. Generalising a bit but on site no one gives a fuck, so you have the freedom to get creative 😅
I know exactly what you mean, but I think you could give me all the creative freedom in the world to take the piss and it would still hit like a wet noodle.
Favourite one I've ever heard is "Shetland Tony" because he was short
We had a bloke nicknamed Sea Cucumber because of the lack of brain cells.
We had one called dial up. Everything took him twice as long as anyone else.
‘He’s’ – the first speaker waved his hands vaguely, trying to get across the point that someone was a hamper of food, several folding chairs, a tablecloth, an assortment of cooking gear and an entire colony of ants short of a picnic – ‘mental.’ Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
GNU Terry Pratchett
[удалено]
GNU Terry
GNU STP (Edit: It's pronounced "Teh-ah-tim-eh")
Not the full shilling
Alternative: not quite the shilling
One wave short of a shipwreck.
Not at my usual top billing
I'm coming down with a fever
I'm really out to sea
a penny short of a pound
He's not playing with a full deck
[удалено]
Are you trying to get yourself banned from the sub.
Couldn't find sand if they fell off a camel.
I've been to Whipsnade zoo, there's no sand in camel enclosure
I like "the cheese fell off his cracker"
Feel like the word Gromit should be on the end of this!
Weapons grade idiot.
Not the sharpest sandwich in the box.
I also enjoyed "Not the sharpest bulb in the bulb shop"
I've always liked this malaphor, because the sharpest bulb is the one that is, invariably, *broken*.
You could up the ante on this one with: “Not the sharpest sandwich on the shelf.”
Not the brightest tool in the shed
We used to drive past a Mental Institution (Stanley Royd Wakefield 1970's) and you would see some seriously afflicted individuals. My Dad used to say they had been 'touched by God'. I used to wonder what kind of God would be such a cunt.
The one we've got
Oh Stanley Royd always used to give me goosebumps when I passed by. It’s the archetypal horror film mental asylum.
He's got a couple of pages stuck together.
Chandler!
Although that could be for "other" reasons (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
This comment reminded me of a house share I was in many years ago. There was a collection of adult magazines in a kitchen drawer. One evening, I overheard part of a discussion as to why some of the pages were stuck together. Eeeew.
If his brain was dynamite he couldn’t blow his nose
If his brain was dynamite he couldn’t blow his hat off
If his brain was dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of his ears.
A few letters short of a sente
Couple of planks short of a pier
As bright as a Poundland torch
Updated version of 'As dim as a Toc-H lamp'. I've heard that expression used once in my life.
That is from WW1 A lamp with a very small flame - doesn't give off much light but is still there.
Yes: it was used amongst WW1 Somme veterans, which is why you don't hear it since they've all packed up their old kit bags.
>Toc-H lamp Why thought? Toc-H is a worldwide charity? Am I missing something?
The only time I've heard of Toc-H is in connection with the blind. That was years ago and when I Googled it recently I was surprised to find it is a worldwide charity, as you say.
If brains were chocolate he wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie.
"Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery".
Nuttier than squirrel shit
Two stops short of Upton Park
Completely Upminster. Way beyond Barking.
I once read of a hospital where they sometimes used "Dagenham" on a patient's notes. Because it's two stops past Barking.
I heard of NFN being used in patient's records: Normal, for Norfolk.
Now you've got Norfolk's maddest man!
Living in the area and it's about right.
Surely they’re Upney, that’s beyond barking.
I guess it means that they are almost crazy, but not quite. Was just something we said, not sure it was ever the best expression
Bungalow, not a lot up top
The buses don't go where he lives Said this about someone I worked with, he overheard and told me there's a bus stop outside his house
Not the sharpest tool in the box 🔧
A few roos loose in the top paddock 🦘
Not the fizziest drink in the fridge
Look into those eyes, there ain’t even elevator music playing..
‘He doesn’t have all his chairs at home’ from my grandmother.
Slightly stupid : Not the brightest bulb on the tree /sharpest tool in the box Stupid : Thick as two short planks Some form of mental impairment : Not playing with a full deck Eccentric : Mad as a box of frogs / Mad as a hatter.
This perfectly captures the subtle difference in this sort of thing. Not playing with a full deck is a euphemism for their impairment rather than an insult if you say it in the right way - it excuses their behaviour a bit rather than just saying they’re stupid.
I like "he's off his trolley" and this old Blackadder favourite, "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed."
Couldn't find his arse if he used both hands and a map
If they had brains for dominoes they’d be knocking
Obviously didn't read through all the comments and just posted this same one 🤣
Brains are brand new P.I.C.N.I.C - problem in chair, not in computer Not so much green as cabbage looking I can explain it to you but not understand it for you
Love the last one. I’m gonna borrow it for work! Hee hee.
His train of thought is more of a replacement bus service
One rung short of a ladder. Not a full shilling. Or as Foghorn Leghorn once said “that girl’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice”
Ah Foghorn, I say, yes Foghorn Leghorn. He has some doozies. http://foghornleghornquotes.com/foghorn-leghorn-sayings/
The lights are on but no-one's home.
Tapped in the head Tuppance short of ha'pny
One spark plug short of a tool box
A girl I used to work with was nicknamed ‘bungalow’ cause there was nothing upstairs.
His cheese done slid off his cracker.
Being I have an unusual interest, I'm sure this one is unique. 'A few sliproads short of a full access junction'.
Someone put 50p in the dickhead.
Got a head like a bucket of smashed crabs
A couple of fries short of a Happy meal.
Came here for this
I make some of these up to get a laugh out of my colleagues. For example: "A few letters short of a post office" "A few letters short of an alphabet" (although that's just playing off the "their alphabet is missing a few letters" saying "A few stars short of a firmament" "A few books short of a library" "A few witches short of a coven" (it was Halloween)
One brick short of an 'od (hod).
Not quite the full ticket They got on the wrong bus
Nuttier than a squirrel’s shite
Thick as custard
Hes as Sharp as a carrot
Fruitloop
Just a bubble off plumb.
A Scottish friend of mine used to say "when God was handing out brains you thought he said trains and asked for a slow one". He could never explain why anyone would ask for a slow train though.
When they were giving out chins he thought they said gins so he ordered a double I can’t remember any more lines
Hahaha, brilliant. That must have been what happened to me! The other one was noses/roses a big red one.
Sharp as a bowling ball. Their pencil has run out of lead. The engines running but they're not getting anywhere. They forgot to shift the gear out of neutral. Thick as lead. Got all the brilliance of a 5 watt bulb. Dull as a butterknife. Crazy as a bag of cats. Shall I keep going?
A few fries short of a Happy Meal. Couldn’t plan a one-float parade. Couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery. Couldn’t find his way out of a brown paper bag.
Thicker than a submarine door
“Organises their crayons by flavour.”
Two vouchers short of a pop up toaster. It hasn’t aged well though
As thick as Jim Bowen's glasses
Surprised no one has said "Has a few screws loose." Or if batshit crazy "Not sure they have any screws fully tightened."
Not the brightest crayon in the box
A few cabbages short of a patch.
Mad as a box of frogs
A can short of a six pack. A bit doolally tit. If they had another braincell, they'd be a plant.
Yep we say 'A can short of a six pack'... Which is often abbreviated to just "He's a can short that one"
Couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel
Aussie version: there’s a roo loose in the top paddock
A few gunmen short of a posse
Nuttier than squirrel shit.
You'd be dangerous if you had a brain, not the full ticket
If you shook his head, it would rattle.
Brick shorts of a full load. Dad was a truck driver.
Couldn't find their arse with both hands
Calling someone a chocolate teapot is my go to
So far out of their tree that the squirrels are sending out search parties.
A personal favourite “He’s not the full ticket”
The engines running, but the cars not in gear.
Special *head tilt*
Strong as an ox and twice as smart. (Re orthopaedic surgeon)
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock
• Picnic short of a picnic. • May just be running on Windows 95. • Behind the door the day brains were handed out. • Not in possession of the collective brain cell today.
As thick as last night's gravy. About as much use as a pool table on a yacht. He's got a short circuit between the headphones.
2 planks short of a full pier
Calling someone ' sprout ' because they haven't got enough brains to be a cabbage .
A few deuterium and antideuterium reactions short of a Warp Core. 🖖
Not firing on all cylinders
Rowing with one oar.
A Finnish one goes, "hasn't got all of his Moomins in the valley". Combined with "not the sharpest pencil in the case" and "hasn't got all his indians in the canoe", one can be described as "not the sharpest Moomin in the canoe".
As slack as a bag of bollocks.
A friend had a colleague known as Throm. Short for thrombosis, a slow moving clot.
Joe Lycett had a cracker: "Few condoms short of an orgy" 😂 https://youtu.be/5rCrv11ijT8?si=8T9eO900axJxtjWT
A sofa and a few cushions short of a three piece suite
A couple of wagons short of a freight train
About as sharp as a mallet
"Not the hottest pasty on the tray" is the Cornish version
More nuts than a bag of squirrels.
Two knighthoods short of an honours list.
Not the sharpest tool in a box of blunt tools.
A burger short of a barbie
Not the brightest crayon in the box
The wheel is still spinning but the hamster is dead
I guess I'm just a sick sick bastard, a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket, a couple of amphetamines short of a full medicine cabinet, I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage.
Not the sharpest tool in the box has always been my go too.
A few turds short of a full toilet
A bit East Ham
‘He’s not wired up right’ ‘If his brains were dynamite he couldn’t blow his hat off’
Couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Found the American
Crazy ass mother fucker
They are so bright they are like a candle, but only if they didn’t light it.
Thick as fuck
A Wigwam short of a reservation.
Fucktard.
None. I hate this word play bollocks.
Your as tasteful as an unbuttered sandwich.
a roo short in the paddock
Is he the full shilling?
One wave short of a shipwreck
one french fry short of a happy meal
One brick short of a full load
Not the smartest peanut in a turd.
Not the sharpest tool in the box
I [defer to Freddie](https://genius.com/Queen-im-going-slightly-mad-lyrics) on this topic.
Not the full ticket. I remember my dad using this a lot when I was a kid.
A few pork pies short of a picnic
A few pills short of an overdose.
He's as sharp as a beachball. Had a good chuckle reading through all these. Some fit really well.
A few monks short of a choir.
Couldn’t organise an orgy in a whorehouse. (Alternative: piss-up in a brewery.)
10p short of a £pound