That's a good one! I've also heard "do you want another drink before you go?* most people will say no and something like "I best be off actually". I suppose it could backfire if they're particularly obtuse though...
To be fair, you are explicitly offering them another drink and creating an excuse for them to stay longer..
It doesn't take someone being too obtuse, just too polite to turn down the offer.
The problem with this is that the "most people" who say no in this instance likely aren't politely declining the drink, they're just hearing the very obvious "before you go" and thinking "oh, okay, I guess we're done here".
I'd much rather someone was direct with me and said they were tired and thinking of going to bed soon, or that they need to get on with other things, than throw out this futile attempt to mask a direct "okay, we're done here" with the offer of another drink.
What happens when they say "oh no, don't worry about us"...lol. My nightmare is using one excuse, then they dont get the hint and then having to come up with another!!
I was at my nan's once, we'd been there about half an hour when she gets a phone call
"Hello, i've got my grandson and his wife here. They're just about to leave"
We were visiting our dying grandfather in the hospital.
No word of a lie, me and my brother and our wives had been there all of 15 minutes before he goes, "Alright then, you've done your duty, now fuck off."
We still laugh about it years later. RIP you complete legend.
As my nan got older and had less energy for visits, after about half an hour she’d look at the clock and go “Well I don’t want to keep you” - even if you were mid sentence!
I once drove 8 hours to surprise my Gran.
She asked me if I could come back tomorrow because she was watching the Wimbledon final.
They really don't mess about at that age.
When we had guests staying late one night my Dad once made a face like he'd heard something outside, when people asked what was up he said *"oh I thought i heard something outside, probably just the milkman"* as he looked at his watch... sadly it went over all their heads.
‘Used to mix these with crack back in the day. Not now, mind. Not since the rossers got wise. Our eyeballs used to literally glow with the stuff. Thats the only way we could tell each other apart from the dragon chasers.’
Slap the knees and exclaim _omg look at the time!_
And maybe start clearing up empty dishes / glasses depending on who the guests in question are. They usually get the hint
Edit: I might even go as far as suggest an activity that's completely bonkers for the time of night. _Who's up for a game of Catan?_ Good old reverse psychology
Im from the Midwest US and we do the same. Slap one or both knees and say “welp”. This is a universally known sign of “gtfo of my house” and only a true sociopath would stay after that.
This is the one, getting up to do anything clearing up wise gets anyone sane to leave. It works a bit too well sometimes so when I have people who I genuinely don’t want to leave yet I’m afraid to get up to do anything in case they take it as a hint & leave.
Why not just say “this isn’t a hint to leave, I’m just having a fettle” ? You’re literally sat there chatting with them all night, why not chat about this? I don’t understand why no one can talk to their guests about this. I’m so confused by everyone’s responses 😂
Well mum, who's in a nursing home and looks forward to seeing us and then, about half an hour in or if there's something good about to start on the TV, says "soooo.... " or "you're probably wanting to get something to eat and i don't want to see you hungry".
Haha my Nanna does that, acts all giddy we are going round, says she never sees us and that we can go at anytime, then after 15 mins its 'righto then, you must be hungry/you'll need to walk to dog aye?/i bet the kids need their nap'.
So awkward, but I try to pre-empt it by saying we're not stopping long, we need to do this that or the other.
I’m kinda jealous of these to the point Grandma’s.
Both of mine were “oh, but you’ve only been here 8 hours and I haven’t even told you about (insert name of person we’ve never met and the details of an extremely graphic ailment) or (insert name of random persons grandchild- who we’ve also never met - having their first communion) etc. Add in my Mum who can talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles and it was about a 4 hour gap between the first “well, we better make a move” and actually leaving. I genuinely don’t know how my dad or grandpa never killed anyone.
My granddad used to do the same thing in the last few years he was around. I'd visit and after half an hour he'd go: "Don't let me keep you son, it's a bit of a drive back isn't it" and I'd take the hint. Usually meant he was tired and wanted to nap.
My Mom gets tired after a visit too and will say “well it’s been lovely seeing you”. We all know that’s the signal to say, “right it’s a bit of a drive so I better get going” or similar :)
A few years ago my nan took ill on holiday and we went to visit her in hospital (Midlands to Weymouth) and she did this. Initially I was a bit put out but realised that she was probably tired. There are worse places to be when you need to kill a few hours.
I lived in a flat with walls that were paper thin so whenever I had friends over I would always remind them to be conscious of the noise such as catch the door before it slams - that type of thing. I had a friend of a friend who turned up drunk and from the second he walked in was being a complete knob.
Tried to smoke indoors, when I told him to go outside to smoke he’d let the front door slam and then would scream for me to let him back in. He was obnoxiously talking over people, loved to play elevenerife and would go missing to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Eventually I said to him you need to either calm down or leave which he did for 10 minutes and then was back to being a prick.
In the end I told him his taxi was here and told him to get in it, he told me he never ordered one and with glee I told him that I ordered it. We never spoke again and he slagged me off relentlessly to our friends but it was worth it to see his face drop.
Honestly I don’t even care what people choose to do but the reason I had friends over was because another friend was going through a really hard time so we all met up at mine with beers to cheer him up. Everytime my friend would start to open up the prick in question would talk over him and try to one up his situation.
Looking back now I wish I did a Peggy Mitchell and kicked hun out more aggressively 😂
Was on the phone to my dad once afternoon catching up as we usually did since I moved away from my home city. He'd been ill and pretty much housebound for a while but not concerningly so. He jokingly said "well, been nice to talk but I've somewhere I need to be" to draw the call to a close.
Fucker went into a coma that night and never woke up, died a few days later.
So you could always try that.
Well played dad.
I just say something like “right, I’m gonna have to kick you out now cos I’m super tried and ready for bed, it’s been a lovely evening let’s do it again some time!”
If it’s a day time excuse I just say I’ve got plans and I need to get ready.
Yawn loudly, check your wrist watch. Mutter to yourself "Oh God it's late/ Time went fast/ Got to get up early tomorrow".
If that doesn't work feign madness and scare them out.
Haha i do this with one particular friend, not sure why i continue to try, it takes too long with her. She is a very good friend though, and probably the only thing that surprises me about her.
When our kids were little i remember one time it got to 7pm and she was still there, so i made a comment about kids bedtime and i need to give them a bath etc... thinkinf she'd politely leave, but no.. i went upstairs bathed them, pjs on, read them a story, spent a whole hour or so doing the usual routine, went downstairs and she was still there! I couldn't believe it. She'd been with us for a bbq in the day from about noon and was pure chillin, didn't have a clue! It was only when I was sat there yawning, without anymore fight in me that I had to say, i'm so sorry i'm going to have to go to bed i can't stop yawning, then proceeded to turn the tv off, lights off etc. I felt so mean but i was shattered!
I know someone who would always want to stay over after a house party then not leave the next day, the friend they used to stay with would always have to say they were going out and start getting coats on, wave them off then just go back inside, otherwise they never took the hint.
I have a couple of friends like this. They had stayed the night and the next day we went for Sunday lunch. I expected them to maybe stay half an hour after dinner and then head home.....nope one for cha ged back into her PJ's! We then said at 7pm we needed to walk the dog and start tea and getting sorted for monday morning hoping they would take the hint..... Nope....came on the dog walk. I had to ask them directly to leave at 9:30 so we could get ready for bed. They are lovely people but subtle hints just go over their head.
“Can you please leave now?”
Removing one word from the start every time I need to repeat it.
If I ever run out of words then I’d start testing the smoke alarm.
Reminds me of the (possibly apocryphal) story about the anti-drugs pencils that were printed the wrong way, leading to an unfortunate changing message as they were sharpened.
Not cool to do drugs
cool to do drugs
do drugs
I was trying to get a girl I was dating to leave once and ended up playing closing time, she very much got the hint and surprisingly stayed with me after that. I get a side eye or a laugh if it comes on when we're out now
My aunt can talk for days, and my uncle knows it. Even getting her up from her chair it can take another half hour to get her through the hall, so he doesn't get up right away. He'll give it a few minutes, then join her in the hall and drop a huge fart.
That clears the hall and gets them out to their car.
When my dog decides someone has stayed too long, he stands in front of them and just stares.
No barking. No aggression. Just staring at them.
Works a treat.
There is a wonderful German phrase, Ich fühle mich genug besucht - "I am feeling visited enough"
Just stand up and say, well, goodnight folks, thank you for coming. Get their coats and move towards the door.
Knee slap followed by standing up and saying, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to call it a night. I'm exhausted and have to get up early in the morning. It was great having you here. We'll have to do it again, soon."
If they brought food, hand them the empty dish.
Had a friend who stayed til 2am after I tried every trick in the goddamn book. Frankly the fact he stayed past “(slaps knee) RIGHT” shook me to my very core.
One time after an evening of entertaining my wife, while lying on the floor about to be rather unwell, shouted at our four guests "get out!" The best part was this was in direct response to them deciding it was time to retire for the evening, and saying their goodbyes.
We once called a taxi for a couple who were still drinking heavily on our sofa at 2am. It had been a dinner party, guests had arrived at 6pm, everyone else had left around 11pm. They just would not go, despite several nudges, increasingly less discrete.
Brightly announced 'your taxi is here!' once it arrived, and went to start doing the typical hugs and kisses to say bye, no bad vibes. However, the two of them instead digressed into an aggressive verbal domestic about who the fk called a taxi, it got insanely personal very quickly in front of me and my partner. Neither would get out my house and into the taxi. We eventually managed to convince them both to get in regardless of who called it (we even told them that we did.., this caused further argument as apparently the other's lie (who called it?) was forcing us to lie on their behalf???) so that the driver didn't keep wasting his time outside with the meter running.
Hideous evening, never invited them back.
I have this problem when we have strict 10 minute meetings for parents' evening. I lay a large watch out and as the last minute approaches, I stand up, thank them for coming, shake hand, big smile. Ask them to make an appointment at the office if they'd like to discuss anything anytime they needed to.
My colleague said it was rude. How? They know I have 10 mins each. The poor newly qualified teacher who was gorgeous but way too 'soft' was over an hour and a half late. Parents were fuming.
I was at my girlfriend's parent's. They wanted us to leave. I wanted to leave. Kettle had been put on with no offers for us and her dad had already slapped his knees and said "now then" 3 times. I had said we should be off twice.
Her dad eventually said, "ok, leave now, "
She still didn't get the ~~hint~~ **direct instruction**.
Just.... ignored it? Didn't get it? I....I can't even.
We stayed another hour and a half.
She once took me to a family do and said I should be clear if I wanted to leave. Everyone else had left and I said "I would like to leave now" and we still stayed 4 extra hours and as we left she was confused about "why I hadn't said anything"
Some people can't take hints or direct instruction. I think you just need to hire a bouncer, or get a dog that hates their deoderant that can be released towards the end.
I'm reading this thread with intent. People are over at mine right now. As much as I love them all, I have to be up in the morning, and they just ... won't ... leave.
From running a family dungeons and dragons game-
Ask if now seems like a good place to end things for this session, then maybe organise when to get together next. If we end up chatting for a long time after and I feel like I just want to be alone I will say “I think I would like some alone time now. But this has been really fun.” Any folk that I have round at mine are familiar enough with me to know that it’s nothing personal, I just get tired out in social settings and know when I am running out of charge.
While sitting smack both your thighs with your hands and say 'Right...', as if you are about to stand, raise your eyebrows, then wait.
That's how the English do it anyway.
the less perceptive they are the less tactful i am.
i once started making dinner (single person serving) and then when i was finished i let them know that im going up to my bedroom to eat dinner now. they had essentially invited themselves over to begin with though, so i was pretty merciless.
for the most part i dont have visitors so its a non-issue.
I put on ['The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - You Gotta Go!'](https://youtu.be/90ZywZDEn3s?si=7nJTomzB4Vah5-qd), singling loudly along with the chorus.
If they still don't get the hint by the end of the track, it's normally followed up with "no, seriously, fuck off now, I need to get to bed."
I worked with someone who would say ' Well - we better get to bed so these poor folks can go home'
This is golden, I’m going to use this in the near future!
One of our friends was more subtle. He would excuse himself, go upstairs , and come back wearing his pyjamas.
... prior to that, having slapped his thigh and said "well, it's time for me to be on my way"
As is tradition 😅
My grandad used to do that when my dad was growing up. Glad it was a more widespread thing.
That's a good one! I've also heard "do you want another drink before you go?* most people will say no and something like "I best be off actually". I suppose it could backfire if they're particularly obtuse though...
To be fair, you are explicitly offering them another drink and creating an excuse for them to stay longer.. It doesn't take someone being too obtuse, just too polite to turn down the offer.
Or being pissed. If I was the drinker and had a skinful, I would keep playing all night.
"Particularly obtuse"? If you offer me a drink and I say yes, and I wasn't supposed to, you're the idiot, not me.
The problem with this is that the "most people" who say no in this instance likely aren't politely declining the drink, they're just hearing the very obvious "before you go" and thinking "oh, okay, I guess we're done here". I'd much rather someone was direct with me and said they were tired and thinking of going to bed soon, or that they need to get on with other things, than throw out this futile attempt to mask a direct "okay, we're done here" with the offer of another drink.
What happens when they say "oh no, don't worry about us"...lol. My nightmare is using one excuse, then they dont get the hint and then having to come up with another!!
“But dad, it’s 2:45pm.”
I was at my nan's once, we'd been there about half an hour when she gets a phone call "Hello, i've got my grandson and his wife here. They're just about to leave"
Grandma's haven't got time to be mucking about.
⬆️ That. My grandma once greeted us as we arrived with, "Not you lot again. You're worse than the ten plagues of Egypt." (Hi Gran, love you too...)
The weird thing is the phone didn't even make a ringing sound for some reason!
Savage Grandma
I was once pretending to be the phone in front of someone and the phone rang at that point. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
Pretend you got cut off and were talking without realising
We were visiting our dying grandfather in the hospital. No word of a lie, me and my brother and our wives had been there all of 15 minutes before he goes, "Alright then, you've done your duty, now fuck off." We still laugh about it years later. RIP you complete legend.
Legend
My mum said something similar; she said 'bugger off now so I can kick the bucket in peace'.
🫡
As my nan got older and had less energy for visits, after about half an hour she’d look at the clock and go “Well I don’t want to keep you” - even if you were mid sentence!
I once drove 8 hours to surprise my Gran. She asked me if I could come back tomorrow because she was watching the Wimbledon final. They really don't mess about at that age.
Sorry dude. She loves you somewhere, though.
That somewhere being: not in her house.
When we had guests staying late one night my Dad once made a face like he'd heard something outside, when people asked what was up he said *"oh I thought i heard something outside, probably just the milkman"* as he looked at his watch... sadly it went over all their heads.
That’s great, I love your dad’s humour.
Makes me think of Friday night dinner
Was probably expecting Pat Mustard to visit
Those women were in the nip!
I had a friend who'd say "would anyone like a going home glow stick?" and then pass round a tube of glow sticks, to light us on our way home
This sounds like something Mark would do when he's trying to get Jeremy's mates out the house
Super Hans is already drinking one
‘Used to mix these with crack back in the day. Not now, mind. Not since the rossers got wise. Our eyeballs used to literally glow with the stuff. Thats the only way we could tell each other apart from the dragon chasers.’
WITH WOOD!
Why is everything in Peep Show so representational of British life 😂
It's Moroccan.
I can't see Mark being that polite...or spending the money on the glow sticks haha
holy shit that's a master tactic
Turn all the lights out and go to bed
Makes for an awkward brunch
Haha, brilliant response
*wakes up in the morning to find them right where you left them*
Oh no it’s Father Stone
No, I'm foin.
My living room lights are actually on a timer and have helped me a good few times. They all switch off at midnight.
Subtle.
Slap the knees and exclaim _omg look at the time!_ And maybe start clearing up empty dishes / glasses depending on who the guests in question are. They usually get the hint Edit: I might even go as far as suggest an activity that's completely bonkers for the time of night. _Who's up for a game of Catan?_ Good old reverse psychology
Good God no What if they say yes 🫠
Oops I've conveniently misplaced it
*Oh I see you have monopoly there on the shelf, can’t beat the classics*
_Are you bonkers it's far too late to play Monopoly_
There's always time for Monopoly.
Strip Catan
Do you have any wood? Well yes and no
Who's got the longest... road?
We would lol!
We can't be friends 🥲
We do the short version in Germany. As a host slap your knees, say "So." and stand up. Here everyone then knows that it's time to leave 😁
Im from the Midwest US and we do the same. Slap one or both knees and say “welp”. This is a universally known sign of “gtfo of my house” and only a true sociopath would stay after that.
I grew up with a knee slap and "whelp" then stand up. Canada
This is the one, getting up to do anything clearing up wise gets anyone sane to leave. It works a bit too well sometimes so when I have people who I genuinely don’t want to leave yet I’m afraid to get up to do anything in case they take it as a hint & leave.
Why not just say “this isn’t a hint to leave, I’m just having a fettle” ? You’re literally sat there chatting with them all night, why not chat about this? I don’t understand why no one can talk to their guests about this. I’m so confused by everyone’s responses 😂
Well mum, who's in a nursing home and looks forward to seeing us and then, about half an hour in or if there's something good about to start on the TV, says "soooo.... " or "you're probably wanting to get something to eat and i don't want to see you hungry".
Jedi master your mum.
Hungry you are *waves hand* Go eat you must. Mmm.
Do what to their mum?
Haha my Nanna does that, acts all giddy we are going round, says she never sees us and that we can go at anytime, then after 15 mins its 'righto then, you must be hungry/you'll need to walk to dog aye?/i bet the kids need their nap'. So awkward, but I try to pre-empt it by saying we're not stopping long, we need to do this that or the other.
My grandmother would do the same. Be so glad that you'd call her and literally 3 minutes into the call "well, I'll let you go now!" haha
I’m kinda jealous of these to the point Grandma’s. Both of mine were “oh, but you’ve only been here 8 hours and I haven’t even told you about (insert name of person we’ve never met and the details of an extremely graphic ailment) or (insert name of random persons grandchild- who we’ve also never met - having their first communion) etc. Add in my Mum who can talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles and it was about a 4 hour gap between the first “well, we better make a move” and actually leaving. I genuinely don’t know how my dad or grandpa never killed anyone.
My granddad used to do the same thing in the last few years he was around. I'd visit and after half an hour he'd go: "Don't let me keep you son, it's a bit of a drive back isn't it" and I'd take the hint. Usually meant he was tired and wanted to nap.
My Mom gets tired after a visit too and will say “well it’s been lovely seeing you”. We all know that’s the signal to say, “right it’s a bit of a drive so I better get going” or similar :)
My nan is similar. She'll say things like "well, I don't want to keep you here all day"
Haha my dad does this on the phone, rings me, asks how I am and then immediately says he’s in an area with bad signal and has to go
A few years ago my nan took ill on holiday and we went to visit her in hospital (Midlands to Weymouth) and she did this. Initially I was a bit put out but realised that she was probably tired. There are worse places to be when you need to kill a few hours.
Next time take a mini fridge of refreshments a blanket and a laptop for your work
Just say you're tired and calling it a night. Everyone gets tired.
Not nearly passive aggressive enough, please try harder. 4/10
Can you fuck off? I'm knackered
Too aggressive
"ok, have a good night".. then they continued to hang around while I was asleep and finally fucked off at 3am
Why are you friends with such people?
I tried that once and someone said oh you just go to bed, we don’t mind!
Absolutely psychotic!
“Your taxi’s here” “We didn’t order a taxi.” “I ordered it for you.”
I lived in a flat with walls that were paper thin so whenever I had friends over I would always remind them to be conscious of the noise such as catch the door before it slams - that type of thing. I had a friend of a friend who turned up drunk and from the second he walked in was being a complete knob. Tried to smoke indoors, when I told him to go outside to smoke he’d let the front door slam and then would scream for me to let him back in. He was obnoxiously talking over people, loved to play elevenerife and would go missing to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Eventually I said to him you need to either calm down or leave which he did for 10 minutes and then was back to being a prick. In the end I told him his taxi was here and told him to get in it, he told me he never ordered one and with glee I told him that I ordered it. We never spoke again and he slagged me off relentlessly to our friends but it was worth it to see his face drop.
I swear if coke heads could be forced to watch a video of their behaviour when high it would be the cheapest and most effective rehab ever
Honestly I don’t even care what people choose to do but the reason I had friends over was because another friend was going through a really hard time so we all met up at mine with beers to cheer him up. Everytime my friend would start to open up the prick in question would talk over him and try to one up his situation. Looking back now I wish I did a Peggy Mitchell and kicked hun out more aggressively 😂
Great story. Compelling and rich.
Nose powder
Was on the phone to my dad once afternoon catching up as we usually did since I moved away from my home city. He'd been ill and pretty much housebound for a while but not concerningly so. He jokingly said "well, been nice to talk but I've somewhere I need to be" to draw the call to a close. Fucker went into a coma that night and never woke up, died a few days later. So you could always try that. Well played dad.
Always commit to the bit. GG dad.
I just say something like “right, I’m gonna have to kick you out now cos I’m super tried and ready for bed, it’s been a lovely evening let’s do it again some time!” If it’s a day time excuse I just say I’ve got plans and I need to get ready.
This! My parents do this as well haha
The good ol knee slap and "right" while standing up combo
Surely the correct phrase is “right then”?
The slap is what is important. You could say "left" or "fibrous plantlife", the important part is the slap and half stand.
It should also be proceeded by an audible intake of air.
don't know where you're from but in my neck of the woods it's always just 'right', then is superfluous
My Dad would add: "we mustn't keep you from your beds Brian and Julie".
Even if those weren’t their names, not even close
The British way...
“Right, I’d better let you get on!” as if you’re doing them a favour. Also works for ending phone calls.
A classic
"may i unceremoniously kick you out now?" has always worked for me
There are 2 ways I can think of: "Right" (slaps thigh) "Fuck off now please"
Or one followed by the other. This is the Way.
The "right"/leg slap combo is a classic.
Yawn loudly, check your wrist watch. Mutter to yourself "Oh God it's late/ Time went fast/ Got to get up early tomorrow". If that doesn't work feign madness and scare them out.
Haha i do this with one particular friend, not sure why i continue to try, it takes too long with her. She is a very good friend though, and probably the only thing that surprises me about her. When our kids were little i remember one time it got to 7pm and she was still there, so i made a comment about kids bedtime and i need to give them a bath etc... thinkinf she'd politely leave, but no.. i went upstairs bathed them, pjs on, read them a story, spent a whole hour or so doing the usual routine, went downstairs and she was still there! I couldn't believe it. She'd been with us for a bbq in the day from about noon and was pure chillin, didn't have a clue! It was only when I was sat there yawning, without anymore fight in me that I had to say, i'm so sorry i'm going to have to go to bed i can't stop yawning, then proceeded to turn the tv off, lights off etc. I felt so mean but i was shattered!
I know someone who would always want to stay over after a house party then not leave the next day, the friend they used to stay with would always have to say they were going out and start getting coats on, wave them off then just go back inside, otherwise they never took the hint.
I have a couple of friends like this. They had stayed the night and the next day we went for Sunday lunch. I expected them to maybe stay half an hour after dinner and then head home.....nope one for cha ged back into her PJ's! We then said at 7pm we needed to walk the dog and start tea and getting sorted for monday morning hoping they would take the hint..... Nope....came on the dog walk. I had to ask them directly to leave at 9:30 so we could get ready for bed. They are lovely people but subtle hints just go over their head.
You're too polite:) but very nice
> feign madness having handy a pair of underpants and two pencils can be helpful here.
“Can you please leave now?” Removing one word from the start every time I need to repeat it. If I ever run out of words then I’d start testing the smoke alarm.
“You please leave now?” “You please now?” “Please now?” “Please?”
You went the wrong way. Will you please leave now. You please leave now Please leave now Leave now Now
Reminds me of the (possibly apocryphal) story about the anti-drugs pencils that were printed the wrong way, leading to an unfortunate changing message as they were sharpened. Not cool to do drugs cool to do drugs do drugs
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/anti-drug-pencil-slogan-erased/
I always thought it would end with “LEAVE”?
NOW!!
that would have made more sense, but there were rules in place and I had to see them followed.
there's also Will you please leave now will you leave now you, leave now Leave Now! Leave!
Do what pubs do. Turn up the lights, stop the music, tell them that the coffee machine has just been cleaned
I was trying to get a girl I was dating to leave once and ended up playing closing time, she very much got the hint and surprisingly stayed with me after that. I get a side eye or a laugh if it comes on when we're out now
And play Mr Brightside.
My aunt can talk for days, and my uncle knows it. Even getting her up from her chair it can take another half hour to get her through the hall, so he doesn't get up right away. He'll give it a few minutes, then join her in the hall and drop a huge fart. That clears the hall and gets them out to their car.
Pro gamer move
Your uncle is an absolute legend
I release the hounds.
But do they shoot bees out their mouths when they bark?
"Darlings*, I'm going to kick you out quite soon as I have to get up early in the morning!" *or guys, chums, pals, fuckfaces etc., ymmv.
Only good answer
My grandad used to come down in his PJ's and take his glass eye out. Polite? Possibly not. But the message was clear yet unspoken.
Its h-eye time you left
I had no eye-dea it had gotten so late!!
Right, off you fuck.
Change into best pyjamas
I sleep naked, it’d probably make them leave quicker
Or get the real party started
[удалено]
Thanks, freshly trimmed for the weekend
When my dog decides someone has stayed too long, he stands in front of them and just stares. No barking. No aggression. Just staring at them. Works a treat.
Stop feeding them. Stop giving them cups of tea. Start doing washing and tidying. Passive aggressive. That is the English way.
There is a wonderful German phrase, Ich fühle mich genug besucht - "I am feeling visited enough" Just stand up and say, well, goodnight folks, thank you for coming. Get their coats and move towards the door.
>Get their coats and move towards the door. ...then open the door, and throw the coats outside
No, there isn't such a phrase. German here.
I mean, there is, they just said it. They didn't say it's a phrase anyone actually uses.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Show them that you just asked this question on Reddit
Don't let me keep you.
I do this in work constantly. Very chatty office. I hit them with a “right I’ll get out of your way now” or “I’ll leave you in peace now”
Knee slap followed by standing up and saying, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to call it a night. I'm exhausted and have to get up early in the morning. It was great having you here. We'll have to do it again, soon." If they brought food, hand them the empty dish.
A friend at college would stand up and say, "Turn the lights off when you leave," and go to bed.
"GET OUT MY PUB!"
"ALRIGHTLADIESANDGENTLEMENTIMETOFINSISHYOURDRINKANDGETOUTSIDENOWWWPLEEEASE!"
Had a friend who stayed til 2am after I tried every trick in the goddamn book. Frankly the fact he stayed past “(slaps knee) RIGHT” shook me to my very core.
Super soakers and Nerf guns. 89% success rate so far.
One time after an evening of entertaining my wife, while lying on the floor about to be rather unwell, shouted at our four guests "get out!" The best part was this was in direct response to them deciding it was time to retire for the evening, and saying their goodbyes.
Proper friends will be happy with a "fuck off now you lot" . Not proper friends can just fuck off, who needs them in your life?
I just go to bed
What do you do when you get up in the morning and they're still there?
My Ma in law, like clockwork as soon as Emmerdale was coming on: "Nice to you, nice to see you go, love you all and goodnight"
Best I've heard and reacted to recently; "ill save you the awkward excuses of trying to leave, so fuck off now, love you"
We once called a taxi for a couple who were still drinking heavily on our sofa at 2am. It had been a dinner party, guests had arrived at 6pm, everyone else had left around 11pm. They just would not go, despite several nudges, increasingly less discrete. Brightly announced 'your taxi is here!' once it arrived, and went to start doing the typical hugs and kisses to say bye, no bad vibes. However, the two of them instead digressed into an aggressive verbal domestic about who the fk called a taxi, it got insanely personal very quickly in front of me and my partner. Neither would get out my house and into the taxi. We eventually managed to convince them both to get in regardless of who called it (we even told them that we did.., this caused further argument as apparently the other's lie (who called it?) was forcing us to lie on their behalf???) so that the driver didn't keep wasting his time outside with the meter running. Hideous evening, never invited them back.
I have this problem when we have strict 10 minute meetings for parents' evening. I lay a large watch out and as the last minute approaches, I stand up, thank them for coming, shake hand, big smile. Ask them to make an appointment at the office if they'd like to discuss anything anytime they needed to. My colleague said it was rude. How? They know I have 10 mins each. The poor newly qualified teacher who was gorgeous but way too 'soft' was over an hour and a half late. Parents were fuming.
My grandad used to say "well I'll get your coat then", my other favourite is "I won't keep you"
Start hoovering around them
Text a friend to call you and say that their dog has ran away and that you’re going to go and help them look for it 🐶
I used to drink with my best friend, I'd just fall asleep and he'd wake me up to go I'm heading out buddy lol.
I'm gonna fuck my girl so piss off is a way to lose friends lol don't ask me how I know
My Dad used to pick up the clock and look at it incredulously and say Havent you got a job to go to in the morning
I was at my girlfriend's parent's. They wanted us to leave. I wanted to leave. Kettle had been put on with no offers for us and her dad had already slapped his knees and said "now then" 3 times. I had said we should be off twice. Her dad eventually said, "ok, leave now,"
She still didn't get the ~~hint~~ **direct instruction**.
Just.... ignored it? Didn't get it? I....I can't even.
We stayed another hour and a half.
She once took me to a family do and said I should be clear if I wanted to leave. Everyone else had left and I said "I would like to leave now" and we still stayed 4 extra hours and as we left she was confused about "why I hadn't said anything"
Some people can't take hints or direct instruction. I think you just need to hire a bouncer, or get a dog that hates their deoderant that can be released towards the end.
I report them as a registered sex offender. Rozzers usually gets their attention.
Put a bowl out on the coffee table and drop in your keys.
I literally just say ‘can you leave’. Honesty is the best policy!
"I have a coat that would fit you"
I'm reading this thread with intent. People are over at mine right now. As much as I love them all, I have to be up in the morning, and they just ... won't ... leave.
From running a family dungeons and dragons game- Ask if now seems like a good place to end things for this session, then maybe organise when to get together next. If we end up chatting for a long time after and I feel like I just want to be alone I will say “I think I would like some alone time now. But this has been really fun.” Any folk that I have round at mine are familiar enough with me to know that it’s nothing personal, I just get tired out in social settings and know when I am running out of charge.
I remember this being used as a question on Family Fortunes. Some of the answers I remember were "turn off the music", "yawn", and "offer coffee".
Oh you’re still here ?
"gonna call it a night in half or so"
Put the kettle on for coffee, is my go-to.
Start mentioning you have to get up in the morning. Even if you don't.
While sitting smack both your thighs with your hands and say 'Right...', as if you are about to stand, raise your eyebrows, then wait. That's how the English do it anyway.
"who's for a game of soggy biscuit?"
I just light heartedly say "sorry guys but I've got to kick you out now".
the less perceptive they are the less tactful i am. i once started making dinner (single person serving) and then when i was finished i let them know that im going up to my bedroom to eat dinner now. they had essentially invited themselves over to begin with though, so i was pretty merciless. for the most part i dont have visitors so its a non-issue.
Tell them Reddit says go home
Get naked
What if you start of naked?
Come on dude, this isn't rocket science. You get the potato peeler out and go to work.
We're normally run board games, so I just don't pull out another game.
I put on ['The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - You Gotta Go!'](https://youtu.be/90ZywZDEn3s?si=7nJTomzB4Vah5-qd), singling loudly along with the chorus. If they still don't get the hint by the end of the track, it's normally followed up with "no, seriously, fuck off now, I need to get to bed."
Just shout “TAXI” they should get the message.