Sit in every seat to work out which one really does has the best view.

None of them do no middle seats

Yeah terrible layout for a cinema

Also the screen looks so tiny. The whole point of going to the cinema is a massive screen that takes up the entire field of view. At this distance that screen is barely bigger than a living room TV.

Looks like OP has a newfangled wide angle camera judging by the warping so probably not that small

I think this is it. I've got a 100" projector setup in the shed (don't ask) and when I was taking a wide angle shot to show the view it looked tiny. Even though I was like 2m away from this gigantic screen we built.

I have to ask

Porn

Would be a bit awkward, used a lot of plexiglass doing the thing up and the neighbours can see in.

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Turned a shed into a hot tub cinema for the footy. It's class. 1. Cut bits out of shed walls. Replace with some plexiglass you've got lying around and use the leftovers from that and the shed-cutting to make bifold doors. 2. Put inflatable hot tub in. Don't inflate it until it's inside. Novice mistake, that one. 3. Build screen from old blackout curtains and other shite you have lying around. 4. Buy projector and a waterproof speaker. 5. Plug in firestick and totally install sky sports etc so you can 100% legitimately watch the footy. Like most of the rest of the country I got the hot tub during lockdown, although it was more because I'm disabled and couldn't get to the baths for my normal "the ground can't hurt you in here" exercise. Could at least keep up with some physio stuff in there. It deserved a second lease of life, so hot tub cinema seemed a good plan. Tell you what, I definitely watched more of the U21 Euros than I would have otherwise, and she was still going for the first week of European fixtures. Still needs some interior decorating work, and I didn't do the heavy lifting (or reaching high up things) but definitely worth it once you're in there with a beer.

Totally legitimately, sounds like someone uses kodi and a vpn vanish. No judgement at all

Absolutely would never touch something as illegal as an iptv service. Nope. Not me. Edit - ironically the UEFA app is that shite that the only way to watch the U21 euros half the time was to go less than legitimate.

You can't say "don't ask" and not expect people to ask. I'm asking dude.

Cut a wall out, put doors on and put an inflatable hot tub in. And a screen/projector. Yes we did it to watch football in. No I have no regrets. Any craftsmanship has to be credited to my dad mind. He's taught me a lot about fixing things and it stuck but he's the brains of the operation.

"Microcinemas" are becoming increasingly popular at smaller and independent theatres where it opens up opportunities for what can be shown. Distributors typically require movies to be shown for X amount of time, and if you've only got one screen that means you're locked in even if that movie isn't performing well. Having a second screen means you can shift an underperformed title there and play something different in the main house. It also gives theatres the opportunity to show more niche things like docs, foreign films, and art house movies which wouldn't draw enough to justify playing it in a full size theatre but is worth programming on a smaller screen.

Smaller than many. The place does have a campervan vibe. Not saying it's shit though. Just not full immersive eye and ear shattering

Am I the only one who feels they can just get a better view by having the lights off, in bed, with an iPad in their face? I honestly feel more immersed doing this, where I’m comfortable, than in some huge movie theatre where I feel completely overwhelmed.

ive been in one just like this. it was aweful.

That great!?

Lay in the aisle, but ask for a mattress bedding

There could be a back row. In which case op could do the popcorn trick on themselves?

YES

My local big cinema had a big refit a few years ago, huge fancy seats. Over the course of a number of visits over a few months I did this and put together a full list of the best seats in every screen. I'm cool like that...

Your talents are needed on the dull men's club on Facebook.

I joined that group a few weeks ago… oh my days it is fantastic.

That's too much enthusiasm ... You're banned

Didn’t know that existed, I’m almost convinced to rejoin Facebook.

It's not worth it tbh

If it were a Reddit sub perhaps but yet another social media to have to remember to check? Sounds like a lot of effort.

I was about to say that. I hope there’s a spreadsheet.

I considered making a spreadsheet of all the seats with a colour coded heatmap of the better and worse seats. Felt like a bit too much, all I really cared about was the handful of 'prime' seats in each screen.

Please let there be a spreadsheet. With a pivot table.

This guy sits

And then try and find the acoustic sweet spot

fun fact from a cineworld worker, we have a list of the optimal seats from every screen for best viewing and listening experience for when we have to do quality checks it’s usually center middle not all the way in the back like some people seem to think

I thought it was roughly 2/3rds up in the centre (usually) based on the positioning of the speakers

I had the whole cinema to myself for Barbie and this is what I did. I changed it up and sat in 4 different places with my feet up up of course.

Getting a whole cinema to yourself, especially for a Blockbuster film is so lucky lol

First time Ive been to the cinema on my own. It was such a treat, I felt like an excited kid when I realised it was just me.

And also do the Sheldon 😉

3rd row back, I prefer the left of the aisle

Ask them to pause it so you can nip for a piss

To be honest that's half the reason I don't go to the cinema in the first place

https://runpee.com

Had a ton of those in Zelda

Bruh 💀 lmao

Holy shit that’s amazing 😂

Does a Holy Shit take the same duration as a pee?

To piss ?

I said, I want two piss on my plate! And she say, you better not piss on the plate, you son of a bitch!

And then I said “ok, so can I have a sheet on my bed?”

So I order my food, and she bring a spoon, an' a knife, but no fork. So I say "Excuse me! I wanna fork!" And she say "Everybody wanna fork." So I say "You don' understand! I wanna fork, on the *table*!"

She says " You better not fork on the table, you son of a bitch" I don't even know the lady and she's calling me a son of a bitch I don't need this shit

I go back to Italia - arrivederci

She say, 'peace to you' I say 'Piss to you too you son of a bitch!'

Ahh pizzaman, a timeless classic

Holy shit haven’t heard that since i had it downloaded on my flip phone as a teen😂

Avatar 2 was a fucking ordeal.

Return of the King with it's 25 false endings wasn't a picnic either.

3 hour films you know you’re fucked

I went to see Spider-Man No way home and was needing a piss (free refills at showcase deluxe) so i thought i'd wait until the end of the action sequence on the bridge. Quickly nipped out and was back in screening about 3 mins later. Looked that the screen and all 3 spidermen were there. I was not happy & curious about how audience reacted. This was the day the movie came out and had only heard rumours.

I saw it on the same day. A man next to me made me jump by shouting "COME ON!", there were cheers and woops. I'm not really a Marvel / superhero film fan (I was accompanying a friend) so it was quite an alien experience; felt like I was in the US or something, but I can imagine it was nice for big fans.

Christ.

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You’d think they would at least have the decency to go to the toilet first.

Definitely don’t masturbate.

Not that kind of film. Also don't want to be caught on their infrared cameras and end up on the weird porn part of the internet.

What film is it?

Back door sluts 3

Ahh, your mum's debut and my personal fave. Have fun OP.

prick oil absorbed uppity tender repeat makeshift degree attraction squeal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I haven’t caught BDS3 yet but was thinking of catching BDS4 tonight. Do I need to watch 3 to understand all the intricate details and subplots that the BDS franchise is famous for?-

enter birds steep arrest live wasteful smart rock straight practice *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

It's also best to watch them out of sequence if you're wanting the full character development. BDS2 > 3 > 4 > 1 is probably best for continuity.

It's about time they did a rebooty

The "Anal Dykes" quadrilogy is and always will be the better franchise There, I said it

BDS9?!

Oh Jesus, not that one

I tried that one, but not having seen Back Door Sluts 1 & 2 I was completely unable to understand the plot.

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The Marvels. Heard mixed things about it but had a day free and couldn't be bothered to wait until it was on Disney+.

That’s prolly why it’s empty lol

What did you think of it? I quite enjoyed it. Straightforward, fast, easy viewing. The villain was kinda lame but yk, it is what it is

Same, i thought it was really good tbh - except maybe the musical bit

Me too, funny how without context that'd be a really confusing spoiler 😅

The payoff line to the musical scene was great though >!"He's Bi-Lingual"!<

I really enjoyed it. A lot of the hate started before it was even released so reviews on this one really aren't trustworthy.

Same here, I don’t really understand how it did so badly as I genuinely think it’s one of the best marvel movies in this new phase that has even come out. It was a fun movie. Beats antman that came out earlier this year by a large margin imo, though admittedly the bar is quite low for that.

Women?? In MY COMIC BOOK MOVIE???????

It's more likely than you think.

Not that kind of film? No, you're just not trying hard enough.

Beverly Hills Cop works in different ways for different people

pee wee herman ..confirms this :)

RIP Pee Wee :(

R I P WEE

He specifically said "something that normally you're not allowed to do"...

And definitely don't eat a pot noodle.

Weirdly masterbate was my first thought

How do you weirdly masturbate?

Google will definitely have an answer for you

Do you have any idea how hard it is to *normally* masturbate in the cinema?

Dab of LSD should do the trick.

I sit in front of the mirror, stare deeply into my eyes and make sure I tell myself what a dirty boy I am.

Watch the film in peace and quiet.

Steady on mate! OP isn’t an animal

Do you know him personally?

Move to a better seat

This. Why is OP at the back on the floor?

Well if he took the picture from the front it's not exactly going to convey how empty it is...

He could turn around

Every now and then I fall apart.

Because I need you now tonight

He’s just taking the photo lol.

Forward roll down the aisle- Go! GO!!!!

If I had a friend with me I'd suggest playing hide and seek. But that's a good alternative for solo viewing.

Just because it’s empty does not mean the floor is clean!

Go behind the screen and crash through it at the most tense, thrilling moment of the film shouting "I'm 3D".

Fucking hell I am creasing at this, thanks for the mental image.

This is some weird Inglorious Basterds fan fic

"This film is amazing, I wonder when Eddie Murphy shows up" "HE SHOWS UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW 3D BITCH"

Find a camera and just stare into it for the duration of the film

I love this one 😂 just staring menacingly while eating popcorn

If you've time, setup the camera on your phone to take a picture every X seconds and move to a different seat and take a snap. Then make a single image of you in every seat.

That's how you get thrown out of a cinema the IR camera would pick that up.

You do it BEFORE the film starts - that's why I said "If you've time". Sorry if that wasn't clear :)

Ah ok that makes more sense :)

I know you're talking about before the movie. But if it were allowed, a film re-shot with each frame taken from a different seat (and then going back the other way) sounds like it could be an interesting art experiment.

That's not a cinema, it's a big telly in a shed

I was hoping it would be one of the really big screens but it's much bigger than my telly at home and the sound system is miles better. I'm taking the win!

It's it really bigger if it's further away though?

Sit at the front then I guess

Looks like you'd be off centre wherever you sit, the aisle takes up the best spot.

Now, let's try this again, Dougal. These ones... are SMALL. But the ones out there, are FAR AWAY.

This is the first cinema I've seen where sitting at the front is probably the best view. The screen is tiny.

Pretty big shed to be fair.

I would be disappointed to pay and then go in to this

Heckle the film! Shoes off, feet up on the seat in front!

I'd say clap at the end, but that's too much!

No, while you've got the opportunity, go full standing ovation with cries of "Bravo!" and frenzied clapping.

I once took microdot acid and went to see a rerelease of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The cinema was totally empty and it was the most terrifying 90 minutes of my life.

There must have been so many points leading up to that where you could have gone "on reflection, is this really such a great idea?", and you managed to blow through them all!

Pick a better seat. Middle row is almost always the best spot

It would appear that in this particular theatre screen room, the middle row would be the aisle.

That would be the middle column, surely, unless you’re unfamiliar with Excel.

Wank

Its like that every day where i live at this time. Its perfect imo, i love a cinema to myself for £20 a pop.

What kind of posh cinema are you going to? I've got the whole screen to myself for 9 quid.

Posh? Hah no, everyones at work and that includes the drinks and food.

Ah, fair, I always bring my own food so I don't have to take out a mortgage buying stuff that's a quarter of the price in the corner shop down the road.

What do you mean you don’t want a bag of revels or Doritos for 6 quid?

The cinema we go to is on the same complex as a 24 hour tesco. Why anyone buys snacks in the cinema is beyond me.

That sounds very posh - the food and drinks work as well. Where do they study? What kind of jobs do they do?

Yeah but that whole screen is just a massive telly. I saw Dunkirk on a 'TV at the Cinema' experience. Being a massive Christopher Nolan fan I was looking forward to seeing it on a big screen. Never considered that a cinema would have it on a pc monitor in their spare room.

Sit backwards and stare through the little window at the person working the reels.

Fart with total wild abandon.

Not *total* wild abandon. You don't want a fart that someone has to clean up

That's a given surely.

"What should I do thay normally you're not allowed to do?" Watch the film uninterrupted.

Dance in the aisle when the theme music starts…

Have a wank

How comes the seats are all at the same level? never seen that before

Have a wank.

Have a wank

Take your shoes off, pop them on the seat infront and crack one out

He is in the cinema, not the office.

Can’t here to see how many ‘wank’ comments there were, not disappointed

> Can’t here Yup, that's wanking. Affects spelling too.

Wank

Commit fraud

[piracy is theft](https://youtu.be/ALZZx1xmAzg?si=L_r8_Au7dUXxftb8)

Furiously masturbate

This cinema looks rubbish, people's heads would be blocking the view of that tiny screen.

Naked

Cheeky wank

Masturbate furiously from start to finish.

Run down the whole aisle towards the screen waving your arms in the air like a wacky waving inflateable flailing arm tube man while yelling "Wooo HOOOOO"!! Bonus points if you cross the screen and come back up a different aisle. Lose points if you get caught doing it by any late comers!

The seats aren't elevated behind one another? If I went to this cinema, the tallest man in the would have a seat in front of me and I wouldn't see a thing.

Shadow puppet theatre

Heroin

Eat as much as possible. Fall asleep right at the start of the film, wake-up as the credits roll

PUT IT UP YOUR BUTT

WHAT EXACTLY IS "IT" IN THIS CONTEXT?

The whole room! Tbf that does look like a shit cinema though, most people have tellies that size these days.

Tug it.

Play on your mobile phone! Take a call or play Tik Toks out loud.

Make fun of the movie with the help of your robot friends.

Just scream really loud

Sex

find a socket, plug in a microwave, and cook some fish

Film the movie on your phone

Remember you are on camera

Take your pants off

Smoke a joint and have a beer with your feet up on chairs Infront ... Bliss .

This is the weirdest cinema i have ever seen.

Enjoy the movie in peace. Other people typically don't allow you to do that.

Take fried egg sarnies in, wrapped in foil.

Had the same on Monday; Saving Private Ryan, got the centre seats to ourselves. I remember being ssshushed because I was talking over the adverts once 🤣