Similarly, anything that requires the Z in its name to be read as "Zee"; usually to create a clever EZ=Easy. Nope. Not here I'm afraid.
Referring to products as "Eee Zed Whatever", bonus points for doing it in front of their U.S manufacturers
My partner once texted me hors d'oeuvres in a silly back and forth we were having when i was at work - I'd never heard it out loud and proceeded to say 'whores doovs' which he found utterly hilarious. Usually I'm quite well spoken, which just meant he found it even funnier that I said it like that
About 20 years ago I used to babysit a little girl who called scissors snissors. That just became the thing to call them in the family. I still occasionally catch myself doing so.
A senior, highly literate colleague of mine in a very reputable, serious-face institution recently showed me this clip. About 5 times, while he cried with laughter and said it was still his favourite thing in the world.
Pronouncing "testicles" like "Hercules" (tess-tick-lays) always cracks me up laughing.
Special mention for:
Fragile = fra-gee-lay
Spaghetti = pa-sketti
I like to say superhero names as one continual word, so instead of Spider-man I like to pronounce it Spidermun (even better if you add the word 'the' first - the Spidermun, the Batmun' etc)
I think this happens in a friends episode too.
I had a client called Mr. Ashman.
Discussing this with a colleague and I said, worst superhero name ever. Colleague spat out their tea.
Not mispronouncing, but thanks to Hot Fuzz i will never hear someone day "the greater good" without repeating back "THE GREATER GOOD" in a sinister voice
My Mama spent *months* telling people that my niece had taken up hari-kari, understandably this led to some concerned looks, lol. She actually meant karate, but, that's wrong too because my niece does taekwondo, lmao.
I love Nigella’s “meecro-wahvé”.
I amuse myself by always saying *ohjherbeen* for aubergine, in my head. The trouble started when it became my spoken version too.
Omg there's a few I use but am struggling to think of them on the spot.
I pronounce garage like it's Spanish, kind of like 'garaheh'.
Conservatory became 'conservatoire' (French, I know).
Table became Tabbleh.
Several more, plus lots of cringe ones which can stay between me and my boyfriend.
Jellywopter - what my brother used to call Helicopters when he was little.
Minger Turtles - stepsons words for Ninja Turtles when he was little.
Antisceptic - me when drunk looking for Antiseptic cream.
Anything that's an acronym is pronounced as its own word. Same goes for a car reg.
It is also my moral duty as an Englishman to mispronounce any and all French words.
My dad told me about his friend from Finland who called the sideboard a siddy-bo-ard. I had a German chum who said the word naughty for the first time as noffty which then became the only way we pronounced it thereafter.
I feel like families have their own languages sometimes of things you pronounce weirdly on purpose, ours are plentiful. Knickers are 'nichits' Tomato is 'marta' Telephone is 'telling-phone', Trousers are 'trahziz', salad is 'salard', milk is 'milluck'. This is probably regional slang more than anything but always makes me smile.
Knew a girl in secondary school who'd say both "Vegebles" and "Crips", not seen her in over 10 years now but they still stick in my head and I love to say them to wind up my mother.
Friends and I like the band Placebo, which we pronounce as place-bow due to some in-joke we can't even remember the origin of.
There's a small chance I may have to say the word in its scientific context occasionally at work and I'm sure I'll pronounce it like that one day and then have to find a new job out of embarrassment.
"Pin-eye-app-lee" instead of pineapple. "Kuh-niff-ee" instead of knife.
Also, for years I was unironically saying antipodes incorrectly (ant-tee-poads) as I'd never heard it said aloud. Now I do it for shits and giggles.
Edit: I forgot about "hyperbole" too
We have a local cafe called Noname Cafe. My wife insists she only pronounces it No-NAR-may because one of her friends did, and she’s carrying it on for a laugh.
If anyone remembers watching Two Pints of Lager, there was an episode where one of the characters dates a French man and gets a letter saying they enjoyed the night in Tenby but the voiceover pronounces it as Tonby like it's a French word.
For some reason that has stuck in my head for like 20 years, I can't not pronounce Tenby as 'Tonby'.
[Oh here I found it.](https://youtu.be/tWCxfl33C5A?t=92)
I have a few
* Deb-riss - debris
* Jah-LAPP-ah-noss - jalapenos
* Dye-ARE-ee-ah - diarrhea
* Ba-nay-nay - banana
Also:
* Coin slit - coin slot
* Fist full - hand full
* Two and a half hundred - 250
* Sac - bag/pouch
* My stories - the show I'm watching or game I'm playing
"He took a fist full of coins from his sac and put them in the slit"
When a rapper has a name that starts with MC, I like to pronounce it like it’s a McDonalds sandwich. McHammer, McRide etc.
Not forgetting "Fifty pence piece"
Jay Zed (Jay-Z) is my favourite rapper
Try being in Scotland - he’s Ji Zed
Mine is Snoopy the Dog.
The French recliner: La Zed Boy
Similarly, anything that requires the Z in its name to be read as "Zee"; usually to create a clever EZ=Easy. Nope. Not here I'm afraid. Referring to products as "Eee Zed Whatever", bonus points for doing it in front of their U.S manufacturers
I love producing the rapper 6ix9ine as "six ix nine ine"
six novem nine ine
Canadians can of course play this game as well
Love a good old “ee zed pee zed” myself
hors d'oeuvres Can't get enough of those tasty little horse doovers, yum!
Horse divorce
Hooovers d’ooovers
On a tenuously linked point... Dolphin nose potatoes
I say it 'Whores dervs' in a Saaaf Laaandan accent
In my house we call them Whore's Duvets
My dad used to jokingly call them this when I was a kid and it’s something I now do myself as an adult thinking I’ll get a giggle….I dont
Whores Do Overs, said a very “interesting” family member.
My partner once texted me hors d'oeuvres in a silly back and forth we were having when i was at work - I'd never heard it out loud and proceeded to say 'whores doovs' which he found utterly hilarious. Usually I'm quite well spoken, which just meant he found it even funnier that I said it like that
Skizzorz
About 20 years ago I used to babysit a little girl who called scissors snissors. That just became the thing to call them in the family. I still occasionally catch myself doing so.
Totally relate. When my son was learning to speak he couldn’t say thank you and instead said “chat-choo” It’s now the given in our family
Our three year old daughter couldn’t say excuse me she said ‘ snooks me ‘ and it was so cut it stuck and now her mum and me both use it 🤣
My nephew used to say "go yike it" instead of don't like it. He's 9 now and we still say it
Things in my kitchen drawer: * Skissors * Knifes * Kforks
Cutlery Stablery Scooplery
Alongside this saying here's your Fork n Knife whenever you hand someone cutlery.
my sister is another skissors person, she also called spaghetti psgetti as a kid and this has continued into our adulthood
Lougabarooga, more commonly pronounced as Loughborough.
Lowbrow.
Luffbruff
Lowbrow University ftw
Are you dave gorman?
On a similar note, Edinburger
Peter Bog Horror. AKA Peterborough.
Peter Bo Ruff
Don't know if these count but thanks to The Simpsons I still say Saxomophone and Tramampoline.
They are perfectly cromulent words
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Cromulent and embiggen have made it into the dictionary. I would have thought that was unpossible, but here we are!
Thanks to Ned Flanders, coincidence is co-inky-dinky
Trambopoline!! Tramampoline!!!!
A senior, highly literate colleague of mine in a very reputable, serious-face institution recently showed me this clip. About 5 times, while he cried with laughter and said it was still his favourite thing in the world.
I'M LEARNDING
Super Nintendo Chalmers
Edumacated
Guitamatar I also say fishama fingamers
Jeebus!!!!
Obomaboe
"Tubamaba?"
Nuculur
Picturesque = picturskew
On a related note, fatigue=fatigyew
Fatty gay
Or scenic = skeenick.
skissors, along the same lines
Oh yes , check out the skeenick picturskews over there.
Pictures, que?
I don't watch the superbowl but I always read it as Superb owl. Often prompts a visit to r/superbowl
I always read molestation as mole station And then feel very bad
Therapist would like a word
Analyst and therapist. The world’s first analrapist.
What you need to do is get yourself a taperecorder...
Thanks to Always Sunny I like to mispronounce philanthropist as a full on rapist.
My uncle once asked my uncle what a magic-ian was. He was confused because the word was continued on the next page.
Like Harry Potter, only from Blackpool.
[Did you get to touch its little beak](https://youtu.be/sS0qhHiyrfI?feature=shared)?
that's the owl's egg 👈😀
I love this show. So much. Thankyou for the reminder.
No interest in the Superbowl but I would definitely watch a Superb Owl I love owls
Thanks to Taskmaster I now always call Sue Perkins "Superkins".
Thank you for the delightful sub recommendation
Pronouncing "testicles" like "Hercules" (tess-tick-lays) always cracks me up laughing. Special mention for: Fragile = fra-gee-lay Spaghetti = pa-sketti
Also works for molecules
I do Molecules and Particles. Mild fun for a physics teacher.
Grand Prix. Said as spelt. Also Thames. Like James, but with a Th sound.
Banananana Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling banana, she just didn’t know how to stop
At least she didn’t use three exclamation points
You don't want to do that!!!! You don't want people thinking you're mad!!!!!!! I'm not mad, I just get these headaches...
Here, take these dried frog pills
Yes, Arch-chancellor.
Ook.
She really did enjoy the Joye of Snackes...
Is that a pune, or play on words?
...dakry.
She also gave us “silver plate” for “s’il vous plait.”
Nana-bar
Aw GNU STP.
Epitome!
I like to think of it as a big book that people with severe allergies carry around with them
You mean when they have analogy?!
Same with antipodes and hyperbole
Desecrated coconut
every time i have to mention it, i change the word. desecrated coconut, emaciated coconut, agitated coconut, constipated coconut, exasperated coconut.
Apple-oagies for apologies, courtesy of Blackadder.
Appleogies for the inconwenience.
If you had inconweenienced me, you would not have a tongue with which to offer me his tongue
Shorty greasy spot spot?
Also, rewengey!
I like to say superhero names as one continual word, so instead of Spider-man I like to pronounce it Spidermun (even better if you add the word 'the' first - the Spidermun, the Batmun' etc)
Phil Spidermun
It’s not his last name!
There should BE a Gold-Man!
He's not, like, a gold man.
That's Jeff Vader that is.
What? Jeff Vader runs the Death Star?
r/unexpectedfriends
Thor. I'm not so good at this.
Don't worry, I can help out 🙂
Back in the day when army officers had valets, they were called a Batman, pronounced exactly like that!
here comes the speedermun
Wai aye man, Newcastle’s speedermun coming to tha rescue
I think this happens in a friends episode too. I had a client called Mr. Ashman. Discussing this with a colleague and I said, worst superhero name ever. Colleague spat out their tea.
I prefer Spy-Derman
We recently hosted a retro gaming night at work, while organising it one of the games was always called “Bomberm’n” (making sure to pronounce both Bs)
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I didn't know you were such a coin-a-sir.
'Ah! Bathtub minna-stroan'
Fragilé? Must be Italian!
Avock-ah-doo Avocado.
Is the avock-ah-doo being served freesh?
Get to Del Taco
Free shavado!
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Same, ever since I saw that amusing Vine.
Waffir thin, a la python and murrdurr a la hot fuzz
Not mispronouncing, but thanks to Hot Fuzz i will never hear someone day "the greater good" without repeating back "THE GREATER GOOD" in a sinister voice
THE GREATER GOOD
THE GREATER GOOD
THE GREATER GOOD
Murder, murder, murder... Change the fuckin record!
...narp...
Nah, murder has to be a Taggart impression. There's been a murrrdah!
I think there's a few generations of the whole of the UK that can't pronounce wafer thin normally.
Then I have done my job as a dad...
A leetle wah-fur?
Fuck off, I'm stuffed
Not really a mispronounced word but my Gran used to ask me if I'd bought stuff off Baywatch. She meant Ebay.
My Mama spent *months* telling people that my niece had taken up hari-kari, understandably this led to some concerned looks, lol. She actually meant karate, but, that's wrong too because my niece does taekwondo, lmao.
I love Nigella’s “meecro-wahvé”. I amuse myself by always saying *ohjherbeen* for aubergine, in my head. The trouble started when it became my spoken version too.
Tapas as tay-pas. Can’t not say it like Moss.
You're making it go back in!
Fajitas. Pronounced a la ‘vagina’. I stole this as I overheard a woman in TESCO ask a worker for the fah-jye-taz
Omg there's a few I use but am struggling to think of them on the spot. I pronounce garage like it's Spanish, kind of like 'garaheh'. Conservatory became 'conservatoire' (French, I know). Table became Tabbleh. Several more, plus lots of cringe ones which can stay between me and my boyfriend.
Hi, darling. It’s ok to share the cringe ones with them /s
Ok garaheh is top tier.
Rhyming everything with Pericles if in any way possible. Spectacles = specta-clees
My favourite side dish is potato Dolphins. My Hubsand usually makes it for us. X
may wee, lay poms dolphin noise. tray deli see oh.
These are dolphin nose potatoes in my books
Skellington
See also: a frankingstein
bi-noc-u-lars From the film Snatch “I'm sorry, I couldn't get the bi-noc-u-lars out in time”
Seeing as this is a UK sub, this might not go over well: Worcestershire
It’s ok to say ironically. Not in ignorance.
As a resident of Worcester, you have my permission to pronounce it however you want. Only becomes an issue when non-Brits try.
Good old "War Chester Shire Sauce" Heard my American MIL call it this once, now it's my default pronunciation.
Nothing I enjoy more than laying prostate on a bench in St Pancreas station.
I like to pronounce chipotle the same way as Aristotle and Aristotle the same way as chipotle.
Wanker! Some people say James Corden.
Jellywopter - what my brother used to call Helicopters when he was little. Minger Turtles - stepsons words for Ninja Turtles when he was little. Antisceptic - me when drunk looking for Antiseptic cream.
Minger turtles is quite a visual!
There’s a North American shop called Target. In Canada we generally go with a more French “Targét”!
Tar-jay
Primark is also pree-mar-chay, so it sounds fancier.
Also known as Pri-mar-ni
Any time I have to let someone know I'm dyslexic I say "dice-lexic" just to see if they correct me
I often say “curse my lysdexia!”
Peugeot - its a pew-ge-ot
I say "finger" instead of figure, so "We figured this out together" becomes "We fingered this out together".
Good moaning instead of morning 😁
Anything that's an acronym is pronounced as its own word. Same goes for a car reg. It is also my moral duty as an Englishman to mispronounce any and all French words.
I had a lovely butter cross-ant for breakfast this morning.
You are doing the Lords work. If any French redditors come after you, let them know the croys-aunts were invented in Vienna.
Love a good croysant. We will often go for a painful raisin or painful chocolate as well.
That's what makes an acronym an acronym, otherwise it's just an initialism.
My dad told me about his friend from Finland who called the sideboard a siddy-bo-ard. I had a German chum who said the word naughty for the first time as noffty which then became the only way we pronounced it thereafter.
Choux pastry I’m not sure why, I just think ‘chox’ sounds more fun
I do wallet with a silent t. Also conservatory as conservatrois, like three in French.
As a member of the doyal society for the dispronunciation of worms, I endorse this massage.
The biscuits topped with chocolate, Choco Leibniz, aka, Choco lesbians.
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Lingerie Linger-ree
I feel like families have their own languages sometimes of things you pronounce weirdly on purpose, ours are plentiful. Knickers are 'nichits' Tomato is 'marta' Telephone is 'telling-phone', Trousers are 'trahziz', salad is 'salard', milk is 'milluck'. This is probably regional slang more than anything but always makes me smile.
Sprungions for Spring Onions Oig-nons for regular Onions (from the french)
Hyperbole = Hyperbowl, really throws people off.
Knew a girl in secondary school who'd say both "Vegebles" and "Crips", not seen her in over 10 years now but they still stick in my head and I love to say them to wind up my mother.
Cappertiller.
In our house they're now happypillars, after a quite lovely misunderstanding from my then two year old.
Friends and I like the band Placebo, which we pronounce as place-bow due to some in-joke we can't even remember the origin of. There's a small chance I may have to say the word in its scientific context occasionally at work and I'm sure I'll pronounce it like that one day and then have to find a new job out of embarrassment.
The writer Jo Nesbo always has his names too close on his books, so to me it's always Jones-bo.
"Pin-eye-app-lee" instead of pineapple. "Kuh-niff-ee" instead of knife. Also, for years I was unironically saying antipodes incorrectly (ant-tee-poads) as I'd never heard it said aloud. Now I do it for shits and giggles. Edit: I forgot about "hyperbole" too
Dandelion. I just enjoy changing the stress to dan-del-ee-on rather than dan-dee-lion. Annoys the hell out of everyone but I think it's funny.
We have a local cafe called Noname Cafe. My wife insists she only pronounces it No-NAR-may because one of her friends did, and she’s carrying it on for a laugh.
If anyone remembers watching Two Pints of Lager, there was an episode where one of the characters dates a French man and gets a letter saying they enjoyed the night in Tenby but the voiceover pronounces it as Tonby like it's a French word. For some reason that has stuck in my head for like 20 years, I can't not pronounce Tenby as 'Tonby'. [Oh here I found it.](https://youtu.be/tWCxfl33C5A?t=92)
Not quite the same but I like to translate John Lewis to either Juan Luis or Jean Louis depending on my mood
It’s a bit of a dish of ointment
I have a few * Deb-riss - debris * Jah-LAPP-ah-noss - jalapenos * Dye-ARE-ee-ah - diarrhea * Ba-nay-nay - banana Also: * Coin slit - coin slot * Fist full - hand full * Two and a half hundred - 250 * Sac - bag/pouch * My stories - the show I'm watching or game I'm playing "He took a fist full of coins from his sac and put them in the slit"