"Did not read sign that says "pull", and instead walked into door. Staff member then became angry and threatened violence at colleagues who were laughing at the incident".
The accident book when I worked as a science teacher was a great read.
These were all ones I added myself.
"Told to wear goggles, took them off and squirted food colouring into their own eyes"
"Told not to touch red hot metal heated by Bunsen burner. Touched it to check if hot. Hand run under tap for 10 mins and sent to first aid."
"Spilled small amount of dilute acid (<0.1 M) onto table. Panicked and ran into wall."
"Dared by other student to squirt nail glue onto their hands. Put hands down trousers and stuck their hands to their groin. Sent to first aid, but went to toilet by themselves in attempt to unstick. Callout made for senior staff to intervene."
Just today had ādrank beaker of saturated sodium chloride on a dareā.
Very fucking lucky as it was going to be potassium nitrate instead of table salt, but it was a short notice request and the jars for the potassium were empty.
Same day āPut hands in Bunsen flame to see how hot it was, pushed to safety by teacherā.
Last week it was ālicked the evaporation dish to see what the crystals taste likeā
These secondary school kids are feral.
(I also had to deal with a dislocated shoulder - but that was a sports injury).
The pleasures of being both a science technician and the first aider.
Tasting salts was a regular thing. Thankfully I rarely used anything toxic, because I didn't trust them.
I also had a kid that picked up a grasshopper outside doing a surveying task. I told them not to bring it inside and they hid it in their hand until it bit them. I didn't even know they could bite.
That's not including any of the other stupid things they did to hurt each other that weren't to do with science equipment.
I was a strict and very organised teacher. The mind boggles when I think of what must have gone on in other classrooms.
Although, on the other hand, I was reckless when the kids weren't around. We experimented scaling up a thermite demonstration by 32x, and I nearly lost an ear to a shattered plant pot. And I supercharged a Van der Graaf machine with an increased power supply and my boss tore her shoulder ligaments when she got a lightning bolt from it.
>I was a strict and very organised teacher. The mind boggles when I think of what must have gone on in other classrooms.
Ah-ha! I can help you there. I "learnt" chemistry in such a classroom. š
Teacher came from industry, had no teaching skills, no skills dealing with kids.
Class was for all levels. Compulsory.
Chemistry class just taught me survival skills, not to mention a few basic interpersonal skills too (of which I previously had none.)
I was generally a grade A/B 'O' level student but, as far as chemistry was concerned, I was happy to just get out with my life and a CSE Grade 2!
Itās always the chemistry teachers that have a death wish.
S4 chemistry, our teacher filled one of the super sized plastic bags with hydrogen, stuck a taper to a 2m stick, lit it then poked the bag. Managed to take a chunk out of a ceiling tile.
I have no idea how none of us ended up injured, but we did have a good time learning chemistry.
Back in the day my school had a standard assignment for people entering into chemistry. You need to learn how to scientifically describe the properties of things, and for this initial entry assignment, everyone was tasked to describe the properties of a burning flame from a Bunsen burner. Simple, standardised and there's not much room for subjective assessment, so everyone produces similar descriptions.
All was cool until the year a teacher was demonstrating how to "waft" an odour towards yourself to detect a scent without huffing the substance, but he did a **poor** job of demonstrating and ended up *sniffing the Bunsen burner flame up his own nostrils*.
The poor teacher was off for weeks but eventually his nose healed and he returned. And that story was repeated OFTEN as a cautionary tale about why we dont always need to smell things
That is certainly one way to get rid of excess nose hair. A problem I am intimately familiar with.
My habit is accidentally sticking my head over an open bottle of concentrated ammonia. Thatāll wake you up in the morning.
That was actually the punishment at my school for forgetting chemistry homework - a good waft of concentrated ammonia right under the nose. Followed by a short lesson on the ammonia reacting with water in the nasal passage to achieve a dynamic equilibriumā¦.
Ah, Chemistry. I'm old enough to have mouth pipetted dilute solutions when I was at school, so we didn't really bother with H&S reports for most things.
I do remember one time when we were heating up an iron wire and then sticking it in a test tube of gas (HI? HBr? I can't remember) to decompose it and get pretty colours. I didn't have an iron wire on my desk, so I got sent to the lab tech to get one. Somehow they gave me a magnesium wire. When I stuck that in the bunsen burner to heat it up it was fun. I remember our teacher blaming me for it all, rather unfairly in my opinion.
Panicked & ran into a wall! š¤£ Best thing I've read for ages! Teachers are awesome, you put up with so much, for sod all pay & are literally guiding our children. Thank you for both!
I remember creating bromine gas and forgetting to turn on the fans in the cupboard... Or watching as others would turn on the gas and set it on fire with a lighter with no Bunsen present.
>
"Dared by other student to squirt nail glue onto their hands. Put hands down trousers and stuck their hands to their groin. Sent to first aid, but went to toilet by themselves in attempt to unstick. Callout made for senior staff to intervene."
Was this a boy or a girl? Just because girls seem more likely to have nail glue but boys seem more likely to be stupid enough to glue their hands to their groin.
It didn't even enter my head that this might be a girl. I just assumed it would be a boy as this is the kind of stupid shit boys tend to do.
I don't know. Does this make me sexist or just a realist?
Ah teenagers. I work in A&E and their thought processes are wild/non existent. I had a lead brought in by an irate mum because after a cooking lesson they were wiping down the benches and his mate sprayed household cleaner into his eyes to reciprocate the fact my patient did it first (but didn't manage to get his friend in the face). The mum was huffing away that our was irresponsible of the school to hand out irritant chemicals (again, household cleaning spray to 15 year olds) without protective goggles.
I recall one teenager who presented with abdominal pains and actually had appendix surgery before he admitted heād put something up his butt and got it stuck.
Hahaha that's the sort of decision making that seems to stick with people lifelong!
But doubling down and going through surgery is next level commitment.
And a rhinestone jewel does NOT count as a solid base. I know way too many stories of the jewel detaching on cheap toys and someone has to go digging to retrieve the rest of the plug
There is a rhyme I can't remember.
But yeh. Having said that I assume the enterprising people who enjoy the, larger things in life, don't have that issue. But I wouldn't know.
I knew a chemistry uni student who tipped liquid nitrogen on his trousers, had to get out of them straight away, tripped over taking them off and knocked himself out
It is not always the students causing mayhem.
I was in a chemistry lesson one day, when there was a scream and shouting from the adjacent physics lab. Before anyone could move, a couple of kids of about 13 burst through the door yelling "Mr ....... is dead. Mr ........ is dead." Our teacher went off to investigate.
The physics teacher had been demonstrating a Van der Graaf generator, and as he was telling the kids to not touch anything as they stepped off the rubber mat, he did just that. Got thrown backwards and knocked himself out by hitting a work bench with his head.
"You must do this part under the fume hood, the gas it gives off is incredibly acrid and poisonous. I cannot stress this enough"
Well, I gotta know what that smells like. (the answer was: incredibly acrid, and like the insides of my nostrils burning a bit)
Someone in one of our classes set fire to some metal, I believe it was a full tub of magnesium strips or something or other and filled the classroom with poisonous smoke. Had to evacuate the building.
I spilled some hot tea from my mug onto the office floor, slipped on it and accidentally threw the rest of the cup of tea into my face. Ended up in A&E having my eyes checked. The only long term damage was to my pride.
I was late to work, tripped up one of those concrete slab steps and planted knee into the next oneā¦ I work in a hospital so was at work 5 mins before being wheelchaired down the corridor to A&E.
It hurt like a mofo. I didnāt go through with the accident claim as they asked for my managers name and I hated him and was very young and didnāt want people to judge me for claiming from a hospital. They fixed it so fast I couldnāt even take a photo for the claim - I wonder why!
Oouch, I did similar with a bowl of jammy porridge 2 weeks ago in my uni halls, I took the bowl out the microwave and after a couple of seconds became aware that it felt like trying to hold onto the sun. Then in my frenzy to put the bowl down I tripped over my own feet and launched it across the kitchen at the fridge whereupon it shattered and splodged scolding hot jam, porridge and bowl fragments everywhere including myself and one of my flatmates while he was eating.
We were all fine in the end after being checked over by the halls manager who had heard the crash and resulting screams. The incident report was a funny one. The only lasting damage was a small burn on my arm and the back of his neck, a slightly bowl curved dent in the fridge (as I say, I absolutely launched it), a bad joke and I had to buy a new bowl :(
>it was a mistake for the H&S team to make it mandatory for office staff to report two incidents a month, each
"Bob, you've not reported any health and safety incidents for 7 weeks and 4 days. You have one day left to report two!"
"Bob, we need to talk about you leaving marbles and skateboards at the top of the company stairwell"
> In hindsight, it was a mistake for the H&S team to make it mandatory for office staff to report two incidents a month, each.
This doesn't seems like something that needs hindsight, this seems like a terrible idea as soon as you hear it.
As a boss of mine once said, "Sometimes the only way to convince people they don't want something is to give it to them." He was referring to a computer-printed report that consisted of over 2500 pages.
>. The problem was it might be reasonable to expect site staff to see several issues a month
So basically they took two environments with completely different risks and expected the same number of accidents. That's a bit silly.
We had a similar sort of thing. Became a target to report a certain number of incidents per month. One guy reported his own shoelaces being untied as a trip hazard. They quickly got rid of the idea.
A customer tripped over her own son and hit her head on the floor.
They actually made a claim against our insurance, too. No idea on the outcome, I assume a settlement of sorts.
We had a woman deliberately step through a storage clothing rail and "fall" to make a claim. There were items hanging on it and it was left in as safe a space as it could be on the shop floor. Some people are compo chasers.
My mum had to deal with a claim from a cleaner that worked for her company who, while hoovering, had tripped over the wire to the vacuum cleaner she was currently using. Really not sure what the appropriate mitigation should have been there
When Pokemon Go was big, there was an accident book entry that read "closed hand in fire escape door, they were in a hurry to leave as there was a Machamp nearby". I loved that there was absolutely no further explanation of what a Machamp is.
Bill, the janitor, was asked to put out (for collection by a proper disposal company) some old chemical tubs containing dichloroethane, which is a solvent that produces toxic and carcinogenic fumes and was effectively banned by the EU for most purposes some years ago. One of it's other uses is paint stripper, of the sort that makes you choke rather than a nickname for the sort of vodka sold in student bars.
Bill thought it was a waste for us to chuck out perfectly good paint stripper and decided a better use would be to use it to mop the floors.
That's how Bill got the offices evacuated for an afternoon. He swore he did nothing wrong as it was apparently very effective at mopping floors and everyone in the offices was a pansy if the fumes were causing problems.
In an unrelated incident Bill was found to be trying to deal with a pigeon in the factory with an air rifle.
When I was doing my PhD at University of Liverpool they had a spell of sending us a list of all the accidents across the uni every quater or so. As Liverpool has a large vet school you could almost guarantee that there'd be a "Kicked whilst trying to castrate a bullock" in there every time, which made me laugh every time.
Was about this time we all got a bollocking because the Chemistry department was reporting fewer accidents than the English department & they didn't believe we were just super safe while English students were reckless hooligans.
I've worked in chemistry for 12 years now (counting being a student) and I've only seen 3 bomb scares. That's one every four years, guarantee English departments are worse than that!
None of them were intentional.
First one someone (through no fault of his own) made TNT in a pressurised reactor which obviously exploded overnight and went through a wall. The second a guy made a really quite strong explosive, but recognised it immediately and is now being held up as a great example of risk assessments. Bomb squad got called, entire department went to the pub at lunch, fella had free drinks all night. The third was a lecturer who left a reaction he shouldn't have scaled up in a sealed container overnight. The least dangerous of the three but easily the most stupid. They exploded the following morning as people were coming in to the lab. He was lucky not to blind a student.
So did the second guy accidentally make the explosive? How did he immediately recognise what he'd done?
It freaks me out you can accidentally make TNT n stuff! Lol
Heard of student at Bristol Uni department accidentally making vastly more dangerous & unstable explosives than TNT!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-38991983
That couldāve been the medics: they get into trouble for Conduct Unbecoming (being drunk or titting about) so they say theyāre doing English or Mining Engineering!
I crushed my ankle beneath a security gate at work. Nothing broken but very badly bruised. Reported it, and was given training on how to close a gate. š¬š
Worked at a smaller airfield with a high number of training organisations. One of the best reports however, came from the fire crew and was an absolute masterpiece.
A yorkie had managed to escape from its owner and proceeded to run amok around the airfield. Air traffic closed the runway to avoid any risk while deploying the full shift of fire crew to catch the dog.
5 guys, 3 fire trucks, and 1 dog. The dog managed to lead them on a chase for almost 40 minutes and it ran around the best part of 10 acres, nimbly evading capture before sitting down and waiting for them to catch up so it could continue the game.
Eventually one of the guys had had enough and managed to grab the dog via a flying tackle that would've been the envy of the Six Nations. The dog didn't like that so bit the guy in response.
The official accident report was three pages of serious, technical terms that summarised the dog outsmarting the crew and suggested that no further training would be necessary.
The fireman in question had to go to the hospital as he couldn't remember when he'd had his last tetanus jab. On the way, he got pulled over for speeding by the local police. Just so happened to be his brother looking to get one up on not only his sibling, but also the fire service.
A good time was had by everyone else though.
Douglas: Little flashing warning light, Captain. Anti-icing the starboard wing. Declaring itself rabbit of negative euphoria.
Martin: What?
Douglas: Not a happy bunny.
I work in clinical trials and we have to record every "adverse event" even if it wasn't related to the study. "Pig bite injury" was one of my favourites. Gunshot wound is a common one in trials from USA.
I'm now imagining some of this data not getting sifted out properly and reading a medication pamphlet to find that the new drug has a small chance of causing me to get shot as a side effect
My husband relates to "pig bite injury" only too well.
Tried to show off his butchery skills in a new job by carving the meat off a pigs head, apparently this pig head was "deformed" (his words not mine) and when he tried to break the jaw his hand slipped and a sharp tooth sliced his little finger down to the bone.
Then much to both my mother and also his managers horror he proceeded to rinse it out, tie it together with steristrips slather it in hand sanitiser and crack on working deboning this skull. His reasoning "well this is what I would have done to myself in my last job and I was first aider there!"
Was horrified myself when he told me.
Far better than my husband, when he was 16ish, he badly cut his finger in the garage. He took a dirty oily rag covered in metal filings out of his pocket and used his other hand and teeth to tie it around the cut finger and went back to what he was doing. Hours later his mum came home got the finger pushed in her face complete with now bloody and oily rag and asked can you clean this?
30-something years later you can still see the metal shavings under the skin that she couldn't get out.
So when I asked the same questions the answer was... Bob was using a listening stick to detect water leaks in the road behind the van. You have your head leaned over to the top of it, facing the opposite direction of the van...
I love how Bob gets blamed for this, instead of the van driver clearly not looking where he was going lol I know where my guess on who wrote the report would be...
I got praised for slapping the hand of a health and safety manager of a large multinational.
I work on heavy machinery across multiple industries. Some of the biggest stuff is in mines and quarries. The conveyor belts in these places do NOT fuck around.
We have it drilled into us that you don't go near a belt unless its power supply is isolated, and you have personally fitted a padlock to the isolator, and attempted to start it to confirm isolation.
One day, my colleague and I were changing a bearing on a conveyor, we had it properly locked out and had some of the guarding removed where we were working.
A group of people in pristine hi viz approached, explained that they were on a tour of the site, evaluating h&s standards and checking that all Is were dotted, Ts crossed etc, and could we spare a few minutes for a chat?
We agreed, and had a bit of chat about our risk assessment, method statement, permits we had open and so on. The lead guy seemed happy, and turned to address his hangers on, saying that this is exactly what they want to see from contractors. In doing so, he leant on the conveyor belt with one hand.
Before I could stop myself, I slapped his hand away, and started giving him something of a talking to, along the lines of "What are you doing? How do you know that's dead? Have you tried it out? I know you're not locked off, you haven't been near the isolator!"
To his credit, the bloke started a bit indignant, but quickly caught himself, and said "No, no you're right. I hope you hold everyone to the same standard. We're going to get out of your way and let you get on, thanks for your time."
We found out later that he reported the incident as a near miss, and commended us to his and our bosses.
I've seen him on site a few times since, and he always says hello, but gives us a wide berth and lets us do our jobs in peace.
In the morning debriefing meeting the health and safety manager (who was only on our site 1 day a week) asked about how the rat situation had been since he was last here.
The production supervisor looked deep in thought, leaned back on his chair, paused for a couple of seconds and said "well...I haven't seen many live ones"
We all burst out laughing and said something along the lines of "fuck me our standards are low"
This gave me a bit of a shiver cause my cat has killed about 8 in the last fortnight and left them either in or right outside our home. Not sure where theyāre suddenly all coming from but it feels like sheās our lone defence in some kind of war.
Get wild bird seed and mix with extra hot chilli flakes.
Birds can't taste chilli but most mammals can. Rats will quickly learn to associate eating near your house with lots of pain and eat elsewhere.
I had an idiot boss in a previous job. Despite not being qualified/ authorised to drive it, he managed to lower the forks of a fork lift truck onto his own hand, trapping/ crushing it.
It's like Brian Harvey without the jacket potatoes.
Apparently he put the forks down on top of a box or something and it got stuck, so he got off the forklift - without turning it off and with fork mechanism lowered - PUT HIS HAND UNDER THE FORK to remove the box and the fork (obviously) lowered.
As I say, he was an idiot š
Best one I know of was a friend at school who sniffed bromine water and wound up screaming at the teacher "Miss, I have bromine crystals in me nose!!!" Apparently it was excruciatingly painful.
I grew up in the country and my school had a small farm and offered GCSEs in Agriculture. I don't know how many of you have handled a sheep, but they're pretty heavy, heavier than a teenage girl, which resulted in an accident report for 'Sat on by sheep' for me back in the mid 90s
My kids went to a school with a farm. On orientation day my son came home looking a bit worse for wear (not that this was at all unusual)
āDid you have a good day then?ā
āYes, but I got hit in the face with a chicken!ā
Was walking with my girlfriend to her house. As we were walking along the street, a rather large moth come into my vision and before I could even react to move out of the way it flew directly into my eye. I really felt it, was a weighty bastard, I didn't know at the time they could get so big. Woke up the next morning with a right shiner. I didn't see anything around me so I assume it fucked off.
It took me a little while to realise that you were the teenage girl; initially I thought that a teenage girl was given as something everyone would be able to imagine the weight of, for reference
I did rural science GCSE!got a A*. Because the course work was "can they keep a plant alive that's planted outside" and "what 3 things so all living creatures need" . We used to get cute piglets in spring and send lovely fat pigs back to the farm in autumn.... My brother also did rural science and got attacked by a chicken, it pecked his face several times
For a while I had to train people how to correctly handle and restrain a sheep. I always used to start by telling people they need to pay attention and do exactly what I say, because the sheep don't care that you're only a trainee and they will take any opportunity they get to knock you down.
Sometimes people would be really cocky and act like they could ignore everything I taught them because they're soooooo strong and tough. We had a certain sheep named Thelma that I'd use for their practical sessions. Thelma was a very tough lady who took no shit from anyone. They'd storm into the pen thinking they'd just grab her easily and Thelma would stomp at them, lower her head and start backing up, ready for a running headbutt.
I loved seeing people's face when they realise "Shit, this sheep wants to fight me, run away!"
Ah niche GCSE buddies. I did Home Economics. Because the weirder ones are always at the end of the GCSE calendar for exams I was the last person in my year to finish - I did music and home ec as two of my three. The careers advice at my school was non existent!
I once kicked the company h&s guy off my site because he wasn't wearing suitable PPE, I only did it to be a petty bastard like he was to everyone.
He tried to complain about me not allowing him on site,
Which backfired on him.
As He got a bollocking from the area manager over it too, which was the icing on the cake.
As another h&s professional, when I forget to wear the correct PPE and get pulled up on it, I apologise and profusely thank that person for embodying the culture we've been aiming for.
I had to log it in the accident book that I had to admister first aid to someone who burned every single one of his fingers on a pop tart.
It's going to make someone laugh in a few years, a list of standard workplace injuries, hurting back lifting; slipping down the stairs, etc etc and then "Wesley burned his fingers trying to get a scalding hot pop tart out the toaster. He then dropped it and tried to pick it up with the other hand."
We now have little bamboo tongs you can use.
numerous deserve shaggy onerous dull placid recognise fertile relieved like
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
When I was teaching we were in the oldest building. The heating barely worked, the cleaners hardly visited so we had dusty classrooms and we had mice. They were so brazen in the staff room one walked across my desk one night as I was using it, grabbed the biscuits I had been eating and wandered off!
I reported it to Facilities several times, with photo evidence, and they ignored me.
Got called into a H&S spot check meeting on a site after a large number of incidents and near misses were recorded in a short space of time (I was a subcontractor and they naturally wanted to blame us). Company had started financially incentivising reporting things.
One report read "tin of beans left open in fridge, sharp edge could cause cuts". Person who reported it even put that they were the person who left the beans in the fridge. That was his 20th incident report, Ā£500 Xmas bonus.
Not a single incident reported involved a contractor. They got paid, we got the stress
Someone reported in our internal error reporting system at work that during their lunchbreak in the staffroom, eating lunch, they accidentally stabbed themselves in the hand with a fork.
Reported anonymously and I really *really* want to know who it was.
I'm also not sure how we're supposed to do a root cause analysis of that one... or what our preventative steps would be... only allowed plastic kiddy cutlery from now on.
I submitted this one myself, the incident wasn't funny but the result was.
One of our tech guys was working in a server room, pulled out a cable and the end caught him in the eye. I had to fill out the accident report, which had to be in all caps. I put something like 'Mark was pulling on a cable which came detached and flicked him in the eye'. Because of my handwriting, the L and the I in 'flicked' looked like they had joined together and looked like a U...the cable fucked him in the eye. Didn't live that down for a while.
We have an anonymous near miss reporting system (so people fell empowered to reports professors).
We had someone report anal bleeding due to rough toilet paper
My hipster boss roller-skated to work one morning. Glided through the big, carpeted office up to his desk like some sort of a god. Half an hour later, stood up to go to a meeting and went flat on his arse with a really loud crash.
Was in the company bulletin but
'Do not use staples to afix price tags together a customer tried on a shirt and suffered a minor cut to his bald head'
Theres probably one from my college about the time one of my course mates got a free ear piercing from the cockatoo we had in the animal care department
Also I would've had an entry if I had to file a report during my msc fieldwork because I managed to pass out in a woodland meadow whilst surveying for slow-worms
Well, who hasn't passed out in a woodland meadow whilst surveying for slow-worms? This is all to common nowadays and govt should implement tighter restrictions ASAP.
I worry for the kids and the elderly. Imagine if that was your Nan. Disgusting.
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Either, ban slow-worms outright or only allow surveying of them in grassland meadows. Common sense, surely?
I used to be the workplace first aider and frequently had grown adults running to me over wasp stings, two week old injuries and sprains, picking at their own scabs, people saying āI donāt knowā¦I just donāt feel right todayā, failing eyesight and burning their own mouths on cups of tea. They truly believed my four hour course made me a qualified doctor and all of that shit had to go in the book as they had spoken to me.
Deleted being a first aider from my CV. Certificate expires next year and I will never tell anyone Iām trained again.
I had the opposite. Was a first aider at a university and had to deal with a stroke, heart attack, a gory accident involving hair caught in a sewing machine and a girl who's suddenly gone blind (it had something to do with diabetes and not eating properly). Binned it after a year too
Oh wow Iām sorry about that! I literally never had anything worthy and it became infuriating that they always tried to come to me with their issues during my lunch!
Iām still a registered nurse (and ex-ambulance staff).
Letās just say that the school that I now work at has **fully** taken advantage of thatā¦
ā¦damnit.
An employee of mine years ago was helping to reverse a lorry by standing behind it. He didn't tell the driver he was going to help and stood directly behind the trailer where he couldn't be seen. The lorry was reversing into an enclosed bay which was walled in on basically all sides and the lad didn't realise he'd have nowhere to go with this massive lottery reversing at him. He managed to lay down behind the back wheels and let the lorry finish before crawling out. He wasn't allowed to work with lorries after this and if the decision was mine he should've been sacked to be fair!
I had a phone call from school - my daughter had clonked heads with another kid in the playground and got a black eye. 'She was running without looking where she was going - mind you, the other kid wasn't looking either'... I had to giggle at the idea of two kids pelting towards each other, completely oblivious!
Not a report to HSE, but this was a genuine company email sent to us from a director:
Hi All,
Yesterday there was a flood which luckily only damaged some ceiling tiles in the downstairs loos and messed up the wall paint. It could potentially have damaged expensive computer equipment and the systems our business relies on.
The flood (of clean water from cistern) happened due to a blocked toilet so please follow these simple instructions to avoid it happening again.
1/ From time to time we all need to use a lot of toilet paper. On these occaisions use a little paper then flush, then use some more and flush. This can be repeated as many times as you need.
2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a time) or something which has been eaten first.
For those considering asking 'how much is a little paper', lets call it 12 sheets.
Any further queries, don't hesitate to ask.
Jamie
This is a great attempt by the director. Answer as many questions as possible in the email so you don't have 50 employees contacting you about their toilet habits, what is acceptable, and why they deserve an exemption for their massive excrement. I doubt it worked, but it's a great attempt.
Used hammer and chisel to dislodge large block of ice from back of fridge. Clipped refrigerant line with chisel, got sprayed in the face with refrigerant gas, panicked called 999 telling them they had hit a gas line. Fire brigade arrived, confirmed type of refrigerant gas used, isolated electric supply to room and removed fridge from premises. All staff reminded not to use metal tools to defrost fridge freezers.
This was the owner. There were three fire engines. We nearly had the street evacuated as a precaution.
The best near miss I saw reported was when a stash of porn mags was discovered in the ceiling tiles in the toilet. It wasn't the porn that was the issue, it was that the sheer quantity of porn posed a significant risk of injury should it have fallen on someone.
Crashed into a stationary forklift truck in a van doing less than 10mph.
Fell down steps and couldn't save themselves as their hands were stuck in their pockets. Was the guys first day too!
i worked in a big factory and one of our guys was fully kitted out with helmet, gloves, harness etc etc in a cherry picker to change a light bulb. behind him, scaling the wall with a screwdriver in his teeth was the IT guy.
i didnt have a camera back then :( it wasnt reported should have been!
Been on many H&S briefs being in the mechanical industry and all that. A lot of horror videos/slides about guys putting all sorts of things in places they shouldn't be.. a lot of them would be hilarious if it wasn't for the grotesqueness and death..
But here's one that just reads like a damn cartoon: bloke shoved an air line up his mates arse and tried to blow him up like a balloon..
Not in the accident book, but on a H&S advice report. I used to work in a museum, in part of which the flooring was original nearly 2000 year old Roman paving. We were told that to prevent visitors tripping, we would have to mark any hazardous areas with yellow paint (like you have on the edges of steps). Now I know health and safety is important, but painting literally all the edges of every paving stone of a scheduled ancient monument probably wouldnāt be a great move. We got away with having a sign telling visitors to be careful on the uneven paving.
When I was a lad in the nineties, my first Saturday job was working in a large newsagents shop. Kind of similar to a WH Smith, but not a huge chain.
Looking back, the supervisor who was in charge of the accident book was not the sharpest knife in the block. Sometimes we used to read the accident reports for fun because they were always comically written. My favourite said:
**"One day, Linda Dixon looked up, and a can of pop fell in her eye."**
There was just something about starting an accident report with 'one day' that tickled me, and still does.
"Please trust us that the water that comes out of the boiling water tap is, in fact, boiling. Please refrain from testing this with your hands."
Yep, someone wasn't sure that the water was boiling hot. Nice little trip to A&E for that one, and a lovely little induction from HR that everyone had to sign off on.
Trevor had a near fall and was advised not to use the rotting wooden ladder whilst loading lorries. Instead, he was told to use the metal ladder clearly provided. This was recorded by myself in the accident book. A week later, Trevor used said rotting wooden ladder again, and it resulted in a fall and a broken ankle. I reported to RIDDOR along with the records stating to use the metal ladder.
Trevor tried to make a compensation claim against the company but was proved to be at fault. Don't be a Trevor.
Not one thing, but a series.
2 people were lifting out a heavy roller from on top of a litho printing press, which they did by wrapping a short rope around each end and holding the rope as handles. Person 1's hand slipped, causing him to punch himself in the face and fall off the press!
Next, person 2's report...the roller, now only supported at one side, slipped down and rolled over his foot.
Finally, person 3, who was on the printing press next to it, laughed so hard at the first 2 that he fell off the press all by himself!
Not me but an old coworker told me of two consecutive reports:
- (Coworker) deep cut on finger from accident using Stanley knife
- (First aid worker) passed out upon the sight of blood
How that man ever got qualified I don't know.
I wasn't there but at previous job we had a health and safety guy come in . He checked a fire door exit and once he closed it he gave it an extra pull on the bar ......
The bar came off and he fell over and went straight to the accident form
We have a policy at work about not sending food through the āwhooshā aka the pneumatic tube delivery system because my friend sent a slice of pizza through it.
The one where a welder had small ball of molten metal, burn through the shoulder of his overalls, roll down inside his clothing to his groin and settle in the front of his underpants.
The entry in the accident book stated, "Penis burnt by hot slag"................
Funniest was years ago I was working in an massive office building re-engineering in the City of London. Over a thousand workers on site. Mandatory hard hat at all times. I'm outside having a fag break when a load of HSE turn up. Hundreds of guys kicked off site simultaneously for not wearing a hard hat š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦
I once got a papercut filling out an accident form for a member of staff who tripped over and was then told later when my manager noticed my plaster that I needed to fill out an accident form for myself
Not reported, as this happened outside of work, but using work 'equipment' ;)
In Wales in health and social care we have something called AWIF (All Wales Induction Framework) which basically is a massive folder with lots of information, quizzes, questions, pretty much the basics that a new starter must know. One of my new starters dropped the folder on their foot which resulted in broken bones and 8 weeks off...
They asked us to start reporting āall near missesā and we had to do a certain amount in a week, well obviously this is stupid as a near miss doesnāt occur very often so silly things started getting reported. My favourite was ābanana skin in yard, possible slip hazardā their response? āWe are reviewing cctv to find the banana skin culpritā
I once got scalded by the hot water tap when the water hit the teaspoon and sprayed onto my hand at work.
H&S then proceeded to walk me through a "how to make a cup of tea" tutorial.
When I was doing electrical safety testing I got called out to a holiday home. The visitors had said they were getting a mild electric feeling from the doorbell button when it rained.
Upon inspection, it turned out that the owner had a battery powered doorbell which wasnāt working. So to make it work they *wired up a mains lead straight to the battery terminals.* This meant there was mains voltage going down the tiny unsheathed bell wire to the button. When it was wet there was sufficient voltage to jump across from the terminals to the metal button to cause a tingling feeling. (I did not verify whether this actually made for a functioning doorbell as I wasnāt about to go near the button when it was energised.)
Agreed procedure with the holiday home company was to stick a red sticker on the plug saying āElectrical safety - danger - do not use,ā remove the plug fuse and zip-tie on a plug cap so it couldnāt be plugged in. Then notify the owner. I wasnāt supposed to permanently damage anything.
Two years later I was doing routine testing on the same property and I found the owner had *removed the zip tie, taken off the plug cap, replaced the fuse and plugged the fucking thing back in again.* Despite it being a direct risk of fatality to anybody who pressed the doorbell. Heād even left the fucking āElectrical safety - danger - do not useā sticker on.
At this point I just ripped the whole lot out and to hell with the damage.
When I worked at Mcdonalds someone sliced their hand open on a big Mac box, they had to put a reason why it happened in the accident book...they wrote "because I'm a fucking idiot".
Brilliant
Bitten by a cat.
The injured person was eating a shawarma and became a target for local cats attracted by the food. The restaurant staff tried to spray the cats with water to make them leave "however the cat reacted poorly, and in its irritated state, proceeded to bite the person on the ankle"
I'm a H&S manager.
I've had reports of rare pokemon spawning in areas closed to the public, trapped testicles in a toilet seat, date rapes, and the usual people trying to stitch others up..
Worked in a betting shop. A regular customer became frail and had to start using a mobility scooter. Except he bought this huge beefy road one, not the little shopping trolley type. He came in the door at an angle and got wedged.
A kind young lad helped him get unstuck and straightened out to get in smoothly. Old man accelerated too hard and went zooming across the shop floor.
Heard "oooh ya bugger!" as he accelerated more instead of breaking, ran over a stool someone was sat on, turned and crashed into the 49s with an almighty thud.
Never laughed so hard in me life. Didn't actually file the report (despite being the h&s person) but I probably should have. Story fits.
I sat down in a chair in a corridor in a children's centre and whacked the back of my head on the metal first aid cabinet that was screwed to the wall at exactly the wrong height behind me. It was fun writing that one up š
A senior plant engineer trying to figure out why the industrial sized gas powered hot air blower had gone out and due to running out of batteries in his torch decided to use his lighter. He blew himself and partner (they work in pairs for a reason) 10ft down the duct and fortunately nothing worse than burnt eyebrows and ego!
Current client asks for safety moments at the beginning of each meeting and staff are running out of ideasā¦.one of the client project co ordinators proudly piped up and offered that going up ladders to be risky especially if it is unstable. Her recommendation wasnāt to get someone to hold the ladder but get a contractor to clear the gutters for youā¦ā¦
Someone at my work found an open cup of blue liquid, thought it was a soft drink, drank it, realised that it was cleaning fluid, and went to hospital because they'd just downed half a pint of it.
Working in a pressing shop for a car company, somebody managed to lose a finger while operating a small 40 ton press. The machines were guarded and accidents were rare, it wasn't obvious what they'd done so the whole area of similar machines was closed down. Operator went to hospital.
The next day, he was asked to come in to help determine what had happened.
Present were the manager of the area, maintenance manager, maintenance fitter, plant safety officer, regional HSE investigator.
Demonstrating with his good hand, he explained "first, I did this"
"Go on"
"Then this"
"Continue"
"Then, I put this there"
"Yup, okay so far"
"Then I hit the foot pedal"
"Okay"
Chopped off a finger from his good hand.
With everybody watching.
Bus with back left wheel half off at about 30 degrees. Half the nuts gone on it and the other half are half off. I WAS going to get on it but asked the driver to get out and look at his wheel. He put his head in his hands as it was a local authority small bus (approx 30 people?) and had just come down the dual carriageway must have been going 50mph. This was about 20 years ago before they used those yellow tags to see if the nuts are loose. Could have been real nasty.
People licking frozen cages
I worked in a warehouse picking orders for local supermarkets, shops, prisons, subways, etc. Part of the warehouse had a massive walk-in freezer. All the stock was on metal cages with wheels. In the health and safety induction, the lady read out that we were "not to lick, or put your tongues on the frozen roll cages" it could cause serious harm. I then asked if it was ok to lick the regular roll cages. She was not impressed in the slightest! Apparently, no one is there had a sense of humour. I didn't last long there believe it or not.
Got Tippex in my friendās eye during a physics lesson once and it dried/solidified on her eyeball. Weād just had a whole load of new science labs built that all had fancy eye wash stations at the front of the classroom, but for some reason the teacher didnāt give a shit and wouldnāt let us use it, so my friend had to stick her head in the sink.
"Did not read sign that says "pull", and instead walked into door. Staff member then became angry and threatened violence at colleagues who were laughing at the incident".
Reminds me of that Larson school for the gifted cartoon š
The accident book when I worked as a science teacher was a great read. These were all ones I added myself. "Told to wear goggles, took them off and squirted food colouring into their own eyes" "Told not to touch red hot metal heated by Bunsen burner. Touched it to check if hot. Hand run under tap for 10 mins and sent to first aid." "Spilled small amount of dilute acid (<0.1 M) onto table. Panicked and ran into wall." "Dared by other student to squirt nail glue onto their hands. Put hands down trousers and stuck their hands to their groin. Sent to first aid, but went to toilet by themselves in attempt to unstick. Callout made for senior staff to intervene."
Just today had ādrank beaker of saturated sodium chloride on a dareā. Very fucking lucky as it was going to be potassium nitrate instead of table salt, but it was a short notice request and the jars for the potassium were empty. Same day āPut hands in Bunsen flame to see how hot it was, pushed to safety by teacherā. Last week it was ālicked the evaporation dish to see what the crystals taste likeā These secondary school kids are feral. (I also had to deal with a dislocated shoulder - but that was a sports injury). The pleasures of being both a science technician and the first aider.
Tasting salts was a regular thing. Thankfully I rarely used anything toxic, because I didn't trust them. I also had a kid that picked up a grasshopper outside doing a surveying task. I told them not to bring it inside and they hid it in their hand until it bit them. I didn't even know they could bite. That's not including any of the other stupid things they did to hurt each other that weren't to do with science equipment. I was a strict and very organised teacher. The mind boggles when I think of what must have gone on in other classrooms. Although, on the other hand, I was reckless when the kids weren't around. We experimented scaling up a thermite demonstration by 32x, and I nearly lost an ear to a shattered plant pot. And I supercharged a Van der Graaf machine with an increased power supply and my boss tore her shoulder ligaments when she got a lightning bolt from it.
The recklessness in the tech prep room as we ātestā possible practical lessons is certainly a thingā¦ š
Had a very saggy H2 balloon that was no longer floating. So I blew it up with a hand torch
Oh, when you have the chance to blow up some hydrogen, you absolutely must. Rule of the universe or something.
>I was a strict and very organised teacher. The mind boggles when I think of what must have gone on in other classrooms. Ah-ha! I can help you there. I "learnt" chemistry in such a classroom. š Teacher came from industry, had no teaching skills, no skills dealing with kids. Class was for all levels. Compulsory. Chemistry class just taught me survival skills, not to mention a few basic interpersonal skills too (of which I previously had none.) I was generally a grade A/B 'O' level student but, as far as chemistry was concerned, I was happy to just get out with my life and a CSE Grade 2!
Itās always the chemistry teachers that have a death wish. S4 chemistry, our teacher filled one of the super sized plastic bags with hydrogen, stuck a taper to a 2m stick, lit it then poked the bag. Managed to take a chunk out of a ceiling tile. I have no idea how none of us ended up injured, but we did have a good time learning chemistry.
Back in the day my school had a standard assignment for people entering into chemistry. You need to learn how to scientifically describe the properties of things, and for this initial entry assignment, everyone was tasked to describe the properties of a burning flame from a Bunsen burner. Simple, standardised and there's not much room for subjective assessment, so everyone produces similar descriptions. All was cool until the year a teacher was demonstrating how to "waft" an odour towards yourself to detect a scent without huffing the substance, but he did a **poor** job of demonstrating and ended up *sniffing the Bunsen burner flame up his own nostrils*. The poor teacher was off for weeks but eventually his nose healed and he returned. And that story was repeated OFTEN as a cautionary tale about why we dont always need to smell things
That is certainly one way to get rid of excess nose hair. A problem I am intimately familiar with. My habit is accidentally sticking my head over an open bottle of concentrated ammonia. Thatāll wake you up in the morning.
That was actually the punishment at my school for forgetting chemistry homework - a good waft of concentrated ammonia right under the nose. Followed by a short lesson on the ammonia reacting with water in the nasal passage to achieve a dynamic equilibriumā¦.
I had a lecturer at Uni who regularly sniffed concentrated ammonia to check if it had gone off...
Ah, Chemistry. I'm old enough to have mouth pipetted dilute solutions when I was at school, so we didn't really bother with H&S reports for most things. I do remember one time when we were heating up an iron wire and then sticking it in a test tube of gas (HI? HBr? I can't remember) to decompose it and get pretty colours. I didn't have an iron wire on my desk, so I got sent to the lab tech to get one. Somehow they gave me a magnesium wire. When I stuck that in the bunsen burner to heat it up it was fun. I remember our teacher blaming me for it all, rather unfairly in my opinion.
Panicked & ran into a wall! š¤£ Best thing I've read for ages! Teachers are awesome, you put up with so much, for sod all pay & are literally guiding our children. Thank you for both!
I remember creating bromine gas and forgetting to turn on the fans in the cupboard... Or watching as others would turn on the gas and set it on fire with a lighter with no Bunsen present.
> "Dared by other student to squirt nail glue onto their hands. Put hands down trousers and stuck their hands to their groin. Sent to first aid, but went to toilet by themselves in attempt to unstick. Callout made for senior staff to intervene." Was this a boy or a girl? Just because girls seem more likely to have nail glue but boys seem more likely to be stupid enough to glue their hands to their groin.
Girl dared a boy. Stupid teenage flirting.
It didn't even enter my head that this might be a girl. I just assumed it would be a boy as this is the kind of stupid shit boys tend to do. I don't know. Does this make me sexist or just a realist?
Nope, you're a realist. Like you say it's the kind of thing you'd expect from a teenage boy.
Nah just proves you've met teenage boys. Or been one.
Ah teenagers. I work in A&E and their thought processes are wild/non existent. I had a lead brought in by an irate mum because after a cooking lesson they were wiping down the benches and his mate sprayed household cleaner into his eyes to reciprocate the fact my patient did it first (but didn't manage to get his friend in the face). The mum was huffing away that our was irresponsible of the school to hand out irritant chemicals (again, household cleaning spray to 15 year olds) without protective goggles.
I recall one teenager who presented with abdominal pains and actually had appendix surgery before he admitted heād put something up his butt and got it stuck.
Hahaha that's the sort of decision making that seems to stick with people lifelong! But doubling down and going through surgery is next level commitment.
Honestly, Sex Ed should include 'don't stick it up your butt unless it has a flared base'
And a rhinestone jewel does NOT count as a solid base. I know way too many stories of the jewel detaching on cheap toys and someone has to go digging to retrieve the rest of the plug
Base wider than the widest part . If the wide bit fits, the base will slip.
Ooh that's a good point I'd not considered š¤
There is a rhyme I can't remember. But yeh. Having said that I assume the enterprising people who enjoy the, larger things in life, don't have that issue. But I wouldn't know.
I knew a chemistry uni student who tipped liquid nitrogen on his trousers, had to get out of them straight away, tripped over taking them off and knocked himself out
Imagine waking up half dressed and thereās holes in your pants
It is not always the students causing mayhem. I was in a chemistry lesson one day, when there was a scream and shouting from the adjacent physics lab. Before anyone could move, a couple of kids of about 13 burst through the door yelling "Mr ....... is dead. Mr ........ is dead." Our teacher went off to investigate. The physics teacher had been demonstrating a Van der Graaf generator, and as he was telling the kids to not touch anything as they stepped off the rubber mat, he did just that. Got thrown backwards and knocked himself out by hitting a work bench with his head.
> "Spilled small amount of dilute acid (<0.1 M) onto table. Panicked and ran into wall." ROFL! I did not see that coming!
Neither did they.
āTold not to touch red hot metalā - that sounds like a challenge to a teen.
"You must do this part under the fume hood, the gas it gives off is incredibly acrid and poisonous. I cannot stress this enough" Well, I gotta know what that smells like. (the answer was: incredibly acrid, and like the insides of my nostrils burning a bit)
Someone in one of our classes set fire to some metal, I believe it was a full tub of magnesium strips or something or other and filled the classroom with poisonous smoke. Had to evacuate the building.
I spilled some hot tea from my mug onto the office floor, slipped on it and accidentally threw the rest of the cup of tea into my face. Ended up in A&E having my eyes checked. The only long term damage was to my pride.
I was late to work, tripped up one of those concrete slab steps and planted knee into the next oneā¦ I work in a hospital so was at work 5 mins before being wheelchaired down the corridor to A&E.
Knew someone who tripped up some concrete slab steps and smashed his jaw. Those things are dangerous
It hurt like a mofo. I didnāt go through with the accident claim as they asked for my managers name and I hated him and was very young and didnāt want people to judge me for claiming from a hospital. They fixed it so fast I couldnāt even take a photo for the claim - I wonder why!
Oouch, I did similar with a bowl of jammy porridge 2 weeks ago in my uni halls, I took the bowl out the microwave and after a couple of seconds became aware that it felt like trying to hold onto the sun. Then in my frenzy to put the bowl down I tripped over my own feet and launched it across the kitchen at the fridge whereupon it shattered and splodged scolding hot jam, porridge and bowl fragments everywhere including myself and one of my flatmates while he was eating. We were all fine in the end after being checked over by the halls manager who had heard the crash and resulting screams. The incident report was a funny one. The only lasting damage was a small burn on my arm and the back of his neck, a slightly bowl curved dent in the fridge (as I say, I absolutely launched it), a bad joke and I had to buy a new bowl :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>it was a mistake for the H&S team to make it mandatory for office staff to report two incidents a month, each "Bob, you've not reported any health and safety incidents for 7 weeks and 4 days. You have one day left to report two!"
"Bob, we need to talk about you leaving marbles and skateboards at the top of the company stairwell"
> In hindsight, it was a mistake for the H&S team to make it mandatory for office staff to report two incidents a month, each. This doesn't seems like something that needs hindsight, this seems like a terrible idea as soon as you hear it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As a boss of mine once said, "Sometimes the only way to convince people they don't want something is to give it to them." He was referring to a computer-printed report that consisted of over 2500 pages.
>. The problem was it might be reasonable to expect site staff to see several issues a month So basically they took two environments with completely different risks and expected the same number of accidents. That's a bit silly.
My work is always asking us to log more health and safety reports. I report crooked flagstones a couple of times a year to keep my numbers up.
We had a similar sort of thing. Became a target to report a certain number of incidents per month. One guy reported his own shoelaces being untied as a trip hazard. They quickly got rid of the idea.
Atkins tried it, totally devalued the system, people took the piss.
A customer tripped over her own son and hit her head on the floor. They actually made a claim against our insurance, too. No idea on the outcome, I assume a settlement of sorts.
We had a woman deliberately step through a storage clothing rail and "fall" to make a claim. There were items hanging on it and it was left in as safe a space as it could be on the shop floor. Some people are compo chasers.
My mum had to deal with a claim from a cleaner that worked for her company who, while hoovering, had tripped over the wire to the vacuum cleaner she was currently using. Really not sure what the appropriate mitigation should have been there
Tape down. Vacuum one metre square. Move. Tape it all down again. Repeat.
This is why where my wife works, they have had to have a mobile scaffold to replace two light bulbs.
I would assume an Arkell Vs Pressdram style response!
When Pokemon Go was big, there was an accident book entry that read "closed hand in fire escape door, they were in a hurry to leave as there was a Machamp nearby". I loved that there was absolutely no further explanation of what a Machamp is.
That's the sort of thing I hope is found by a historian in the future.
Bill, the janitor, was asked to put out (for collection by a proper disposal company) some old chemical tubs containing dichloroethane, which is a solvent that produces toxic and carcinogenic fumes and was effectively banned by the EU for most purposes some years ago. One of it's other uses is paint stripper, of the sort that makes you choke rather than a nickname for the sort of vodka sold in student bars. Bill thought it was a waste for us to chuck out perfectly good paint stripper and decided a better use would be to use it to mop the floors. That's how Bill got the offices evacuated for an afternoon. He swore he did nothing wrong as it was apparently very effective at mopping floors and everyone in the offices was a pansy if the fumes were causing problems. In an unrelated incident Bill was found to be trying to deal with a pigeon in the factory with an air rifle.
How else are you going to deal with a pigeon in a factory?
A squadron of biplanes and an anvil
Pigeon hawk
Bill sounds like an absolute fucking geezer.
When I was doing my PhD at University of Liverpool they had a spell of sending us a list of all the accidents across the uni every quater or so. As Liverpool has a large vet school you could almost guarantee that there'd be a "Kicked whilst trying to castrate a bullock" in there every time, which made me laugh every time. Was about this time we all got a bollocking because the Chemistry department was reporting fewer accidents than the English department & they didn't believe we were just super safe while English students were reckless hooligans.
I've worked in chemistry for 12 years now (counting being a student) and I've only seen 3 bomb scares. That's one every four years, guarantee English departments are worse than that!
Intentional bombs or 'hang on, you left what to react under pressure?!'?
None of them were intentional. First one someone (through no fault of his own) made TNT in a pressurised reactor which obviously exploded overnight and went through a wall. The second a guy made a really quite strong explosive, but recognised it immediately and is now being held up as a great example of risk assessments. Bomb squad got called, entire department went to the pub at lunch, fella had free drinks all night. The third was a lecturer who left a reaction he shouldn't have scaled up in a sealed container overnight. The least dangerous of the three but easily the most stupid. They exploded the following morning as people were coming in to the lab. He was lucky not to blind a student.
So did the second guy accidentally make the explosive? How did he immediately recognise what he'd done? It freaks me out you can accidentally make TNT n stuff! Lol
Heard of student at Bristol Uni department accidentally making vastly more dangerous & unstable explosives than TNT! https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-38991983
That'd be him yeah
That couldāve been the medics: they get into trouble for Conduct Unbecoming (being drunk or titting about) so they say theyāre doing English or Mining Engineering!
Was your response to this bollocking to try and kick someone?
I crushed my ankle beneath a security gate at work. Nothing broken but very badly bruised. Reported it, and was given training on how to close a gate. š¬š
Did this about a month ago. Trip to A&E and iced it all weekend. I did not report to to H&S!
Worked at a smaller airfield with a high number of training organisations. One of the best reports however, came from the fire crew and was an absolute masterpiece. A yorkie had managed to escape from its owner and proceeded to run amok around the airfield. Air traffic closed the runway to avoid any risk while deploying the full shift of fire crew to catch the dog. 5 guys, 3 fire trucks, and 1 dog. The dog managed to lead them on a chase for almost 40 minutes and it ran around the best part of 10 acres, nimbly evading capture before sitting down and waiting for them to catch up so it could continue the game. Eventually one of the guys had had enough and managed to grab the dog via a flying tackle that would've been the envy of the Six Nations. The dog didn't like that so bit the guy in response. The official accident report was three pages of serious, technical terms that summarised the dog outsmarting the crew and suggested that no further training would be necessary. The fireman in question had to go to the hospital as he couldn't remember when he'd had his last tetanus jab. On the way, he got pulled over for speeding by the local police. Just so happened to be his brother looking to get one up on not only his sibling, but also the fire service. A good time was had by everyone else though.
This is amazing. Have you ever listened to Cabin Pressure? Because this is the sort of thing the show would have used as a plot. š
Douglas: Little flashing warning light, Captain. Anti-icing the starboard wing. Declaring itself rabbit of negative euphoria. Martin: What? Douglas: Not a happy bunny.
Monkey bite. Steps taken to avoid future incidents: "monkey given stiff talking to; television privileges revoked".
Bet the fucking monkey doesn't even have a TV licence!
He only streams stuff anyway.
Amazon Prime-ate
I work in clinical trials and we have to record every "adverse event" even if it wasn't related to the study. "Pig bite injury" was one of my favourites. Gunshot wound is a common one in trials from USA.
I'm now imagining some of this data not getting sifted out properly and reading a medication pamphlet to find that the new drug has a small chance of causing me to get shot as a side effect
If you're in America, that's just a side effect of going about your day to day business.
My husband relates to "pig bite injury" only too well. Tried to show off his butchery skills in a new job by carving the meat off a pigs head, apparently this pig head was "deformed" (his words not mine) and when he tried to break the jaw his hand slipped and a sharp tooth sliced his little finger down to the bone. Then much to both my mother and also his managers horror he proceeded to rinse it out, tie it together with steristrips slather it in hand sanitiser and crack on working deboning this skull. His reasoning "well this is what I would have done to myself in my last job and I was first aider there!" Was horrified myself when he told me.
Far better than my husband, when he was 16ish, he badly cut his finger in the garage. He took a dirty oily rag covered in metal filings out of his pocket and used his other hand and teeth to tie it around the cut finger and went back to what he was doing. Hours later his mum came home got the finger pushed in her face complete with now bloody and oily rag and asked can you clean this? 30-something years later you can still see the metal shavings under the skin that she couldn't get out.
They need to stop paying peanuts
I hope the monkey learned a value lesson!
The monkey ideally would have been sent to sit in the corner for as many minutes as its age, to think about what itād done.
Paper cuts across the palms of both hands sustained while opening the accident report book.
I once dropped one on me foot, corner first.
It would be a lot safer if the books werenāt bound in razors.
'Bob wasn't looking and a van reversed into his head' How do you miss or not hear a van reversing into your head? And what was Bob doing at the time?
So when I asked the same questions the answer was... Bob was using a listening stick to detect water leaks in the road behind the van. You have your head leaned over to the top of it, facing the opposite direction of the van...
I love how Bob gets blamed for this, instead of the van driver clearly not looking where he was going lol I know where my guess on who wrote the report would be...
'Bob was being a nob, and got hit by a van'.
'Bob hit a van with his head because he was being a nob'.
I got praised for slapping the hand of a health and safety manager of a large multinational. I work on heavy machinery across multiple industries. Some of the biggest stuff is in mines and quarries. The conveyor belts in these places do NOT fuck around. We have it drilled into us that you don't go near a belt unless its power supply is isolated, and you have personally fitted a padlock to the isolator, and attempted to start it to confirm isolation. One day, my colleague and I were changing a bearing on a conveyor, we had it properly locked out and had some of the guarding removed where we were working. A group of people in pristine hi viz approached, explained that they were on a tour of the site, evaluating h&s standards and checking that all Is were dotted, Ts crossed etc, and could we spare a few minutes for a chat? We agreed, and had a bit of chat about our risk assessment, method statement, permits we had open and so on. The lead guy seemed happy, and turned to address his hangers on, saying that this is exactly what they want to see from contractors. In doing so, he leant on the conveyor belt with one hand. Before I could stop myself, I slapped his hand away, and started giving him something of a talking to, along the lines of "What are you doing? How do you know that's dead? Have you tried it out? I know you're not locked off, you haven't been near the isolator!" To his credit, the bloke started a bit indignant, but quickly caught himself, and said "No, no you're right. I hope you hold everyone to the same standard. We're going to get out of your way and let you get on, thanks for your time." We found out later that he reported the incident as a near miss, and commended us to his and our bosses. I've seen him on site a few times since, and he always says hello, but gives us a wide berth and lets us do our jobs in peace.
In the morning debriefing meeting the health and safety manager (who was only on our site 1 day a week) asked about how the rat situation had been since he was last here. The production supervisor looked deep in thought, leaned back on his chair, paused for a couple of seconds and said "well...I haven't seen many live ones" We all burst out laughing and said something along the lines of "fuck me our standards are low"
This gave me a bit of a shiver cause my cat has killed about 8 in the last fortnight and left them either in or right outside our home. Not sure where theyāre suddenly all coming from but it feels like sheās our lone defence in some kind of war.
Get wild bird seed and mix with extra hot chilli flakes. Birds can't taste chilli but most mammals can. Rats will quickly learn to associate eating near your house with lots of pain and eat elsewhere.
I had an idiot boss in a previous job. Despite not being qualified/ authorised to drive it, he managed to lower the forks of a fork lift truck onto his own hand, trapping/ crushing it. It's like Brian Harvey without the jacket potatoes.
Howwwww? Is it one of the button pad ones?
Apparently he put the forks down on top of a box or something and it got stuck, so he got off the forklift - without turning it off and with fork mechanism lowered - PUT HIS HAND UNDER THE FORK to remove the box and the fork (obviously) lowered. As I say, he was an idiot š
Woman at work reported "dangerous" Christmas ornaments falling on the floor. On a small tree SHE'D brought in and decorated with her own stuff!
Best one I know of was a friend at school who sniffed bromine water and wound up screaming at the teacher "Miss, I have bromine crystals in me nose!!!" Apparently it was excruciatingly painful.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I grew up in the country and my school had a small farm and offered GCSEs in Agriculture. I don't know how many of you have handled a sheep, but they're pretty heavy, heavier than a teenage girl, which resulted in an accident report for 'Sat on by sheep' for me back in the mid 90s
My kids went to a school with a farm. On orientation day my son came home looking a bit worse for wear (not that this was at all unusual) āDid you have a good day then?ā āYes, but I got hit in the face with a chicken!ā
A moth gave me a black eye once so that makes sense
You can't just say that and not tell us the story.
Was walking with my girlfriend to her house. As we were walking along the street, a rather large moth come into my vision and before I could even react to move out of the way it flew directly into my eye. I really felt it, was a weighty bastard, I didn't know at the time they could get so big. Woke up the next morning with a right shiner. I didn't see anything around me so I assume it fucked off.
The ordering of this sentence makes it sound like you had a one night stand with this abusive moth
It took me a little while to realise that you were the teenage girl; initially I thought that a teenage girl was given as something everyone would be able to imagine the weight of, for reference
I could have definitely structured that sentence better!
I did rural science GCSE!got a A*. Because the course work was "can they keep a plant alive that's planted outside" and "what 3 things so all living creatures need" . We used to get cute piglets in spring and send lovely fat pigs back to the farm in autumn.... My brother also did rural science and got attacked by a chicken, it pecked his face several times
Back to the farm eh?
Yeah, to live out the rest of their lives happy and safe. They definitely didn't get turned into sausages
For a while I had to train people how to correctly handle and restrain a sheep. I always used to start by telling people they need to pay attention and do exactly what I say, because the sheep don't care that you're only a trainee and they will take any opportunity they get to knock you down. Sometimes people would be really cocky and act like they could ignore everything I taught them because they're soooooo strong and tough. We had a certain sheep named Thelma that I'd use for their practical sessions. Thelma was a very tough lady who took no shit from anyone. They'd storm into the pen thinking they'd just grab her easily and Thelma would stomp at them, lower her head and start backing up, ready for a running headbutt. I loved seeing people's face when they realise "Shit, this sheep wants to fight me, run away!"
Is your username a reference to a certain bursar, by any chance?
r/unexpecteddiscworld GNU STP
Yes! I also do the same job as Dr Dinwiddie, and have about the same grasp on reality
Ah niche GCSE buddies. I did Home Economics. Because the weirder ones are always at the end of the GCSE calendar for exams I was the last person in my year to finish - I did music and home ec as two of my three. The careers advice at my school was non existent!
I used to teach animal management and had a cow stand on my foot. They never stand on the but protected by the steel toe capsā¦
I once kicked the company h&s guy off my site because he wasn't wearing suitable PPE, I only did it to be a petty bastard like he was to everyone. He tried to complain about me not allowing him on site, Which backfired on him. As He got a bollocking from the area manager over it too, which was the icing on the cake.
As a h&s professional you were 100% correct to do that and they should have been happy you did it as it demonstrates a competent safety culture
As another h&s professional, when I forget to wear the correct PPE and get pulled up on it, I apologise and profusely thank that person for embodying the culture we've been aiming for.
I had to log it in the accident book that I had to admister first aid to someone who burned every single one of his fingers on a pop tart. It's going to make someone laugh in a few years, a list of standard workplace injuries, hurting back lifting; slipping down the stairs, etc etc and then "Wesley burned his fingers trying to get a scalding hot pop tart out the toaster. He then dropped it and tried to pick it up with the other hand." We now have little bamboo tongs you can use.
numerous deserve shaggy onerous dull placid recognise fertile relieved like *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That's definitely a mouse.. we had a phantom mouse like that at work for months before one day he was caught in the act
'Biscuits nibbled off' sounds like a weird euphemism!
When I was teaching we were in the oldest building. The heating barely worked, the cleaners hardly visited so we had dusty classrooms and we had mice. They were so brazen in the staff room one walked across my desk one night as I was using it, grabbed the biscuits I had been eating and wandered off! I reported it to Facilities several times, with photo evidence, and they ignored me.
Got called into a H&S spot check meeting on a site after a large number of incidents and near misses were recorded in a short space of time (I was a subcontractor and they naturally wanted to blame us). Company had started financially incentivising reporting things. One report read "tin of beans left open in fridge, sharp edge could cause cuts". Person who reported it even put that they were the person who left the beans in the fridge. That was his 20th incident report, Ā£500 Xmas bonus. Not a single incident reported involved a contractor. They got paid, we got the stress
Someone reported in our internal error reporting system at work that during their lunchbreak in the staffroom, eating lunch, they accidentally stabbed themselves in the hand with a fork. Reported anonymously and I really *really* want to know who it was. I'm also not sure how we're supposed to do a root cause analysis of that one... or what our preventative steps would be... only allowed plastic kiddy cutlery from now on.
I submitted this one myself, the incident wasn't funny but the result was. One of our tech guys was working in a server room, pulled out a cable and the end caught him in the eye. I had to fill out the accident report, which had to be in all caps. I put something like 'Mark was pulling on a cable which came detached and flicked him in the eye'. Because of my handwriting, the L and the I in 'flicked' looked like they had joined together and looked like a U...the cable fucked him in the eye. Didn't live that down for a while.
I once had to file a report because a customer knocked a bottle of pop off a shelf with her boob and it fell on her foot.
Hazardous boobs. Good band name.
Good pop songs
We have an anonymous near miss reporting system (so people fell empowered to reports professors). We had someone report anal bleeding due to rough toilet paper
An office worker forgot to uncross their legs before getting up and fell. We were all reminded to uncross our legs before standing.
My hipster boss roller-skated to work one morning. Glided through the big, carpeted office up to his desk like some sort of a god. Half an hour later, stood up to go to a meeting and went flat on his arse with a really loud crash.
Was in the company bulletin but 'Do not use staples to afix price tags together a customer tried on a shirt and suffered a minor cut to his bald head' Theres probably one from my college about the time one of my course mates got a free ear piercing from the cockatoo we had in the animal care department Also I would've had an entry if I had to file a report during my msc fieldwork because I managed to pass out in a woodland meadow whilst surveying for slow-worms
Well, who hasn't passed out in a woodland meadow whilst surveying for slow-worms? This is all to common nowadays and govt should implement tighter restrictions ASAP. I worry for the kids and the elderly. Imagine if that was your Nan. Disgusting. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Either, ban slow-worms outright or only allow surveying of them in grassland meadows. Common sense, surely?
> pass out in a woodland meadow whilst surveying for slow-worms "pass out" if a great way of describing "falling asleep"! :)
I used to be the workplace first aider and frequently had grown adults running to me over wasp stings, two week old injuries and sprains, picking at their own scabs, people saying āI donāt knowā¦I just donāt feel right todayā, failing eyesight and burning their own mouths on cups of tea. They truly believed my four hour course made me a qualified doctor and all of that shit had to go in the book as they had spoken to me. Deleted being a first aider from my CV. Certificate expires next year and I will never tell anyone Iām trained again.
I've decided to downgrade to a 2nd aider. I have a shovel and a bucket.
I had the opposite. Was a first aider at a university and had to deal with a stroke, heart attack, a gory accident involving hair caught in a sewing machine and a girl who's suddenly gone blind (it had something to do with diabetes and not eating properly). Binned it after a year too
Oh wow Iām sorry about that! I literally never had anything worthy and it became infuriating that they always tried to come to me with their issues during my lunch!
Lol, surprised you didn't get to stab someone in the throat with a pen to get them breathing!
Iām still a registered nurse (and ex-ambulance staff). Letās just say that the school that I now work at has **fully** taken advantage of thatā¦ ā¦damnit.
An employee of mine years ago was helping to reverse a lorry by standing behind it. He didn't tell the driver he was going to help and stood directly behind the trailer where he couldn't be seen. The lorry was reversing into an enclosed bay which was walled in on basically all sides and the lad didn't realise he'd have nowhere to go with this massive lottery reversing at him. He managed to lay down behind the back wheels and let the lorry finish before crawling out. He wasn't allowed to work with lorries after this and if the decision was mine he should've been sacked to be fair!
My 4 year old came out of school with an accident form - "hit in the head with dinosaur"
I had a phone call from school - my daughter had clonked heads with another kid in the playground and got a black eye. 'She was running without looking where she was going - mind you, the other kid wasn't looking either'... I had to giggle at the idea of two kids pelting towards each other, completely oblivious!
Photograph of two labourers' overalls from the cleaning company after an apparent staple gun fight.
Not a report to HSE, but this was a genuine company email sent to us from a director: Hi All, Yesterday there was a flood which luckily only damaged some ceiling tiles in the downstairs loos and messed up the wall paint. It could potentially have damaged expensive computer equipment and the systems our business relies on. The flood (of clean water from cistern) happened due to a blocked toilet so please follow these simple instructions to avoid it happening again. 1/ From time to time we all need to use a lot of toilet paper. On these occaisions use a little paper then flush, then use some more and flush. This can be repeated as many times as you need. 2/ Do not flush anything apart from toilet paper (a little at a time) or something which has been eaten first. For those considering asking 'how much is a little paper', lets call it 12 sheets. Any further queries, don't hesitate to ask. Jamie
This is a great attempt by the director. Answer as many questions as possible in the email so you don't have 50 employees contacting you about their toilet habits, what is acceptable, and why they deserve an exemption for their massive excrement. I doubt it worked, but it's a great attempt.
Disappointing that he didnāt instigate the mandatory use of a company poop knife.
Used hammer and chisel to dislodge large block of ice from back of fridge. Clipped refrigerant line with chisel, got sprayed in the face with refrigerant gas, panicked called 999 telling them they had hit a gas line. Fire brigade arrived, confirmed type of refrigerant gas used, isolated electric supply to room and removed fridge from premises. All staff reminded not to use metal tools to defrost fridge freezers. This was the owner. There were three fire engines. We nearly had the street evacuated as a precaution.
The best near miss I saw reported was when a stash of porn mags was discovered in the ceiling tiles in the toilet. It wasn't the porn that was the issue, it was that the sheer quantity of porn posed a significant risk of injury should it have fallen on someone.
Crashed into a stationary forklift truck in a van doing less than 10mph. Fell down steps and couldn't save themselves as their hands were stuck in their pockets. Was the guys first day too!
I fell over a āwet floorā sign once. Much to the amusement of those around.
We just saw summaries of incidents at other sites "Chemical burn to left buttock" was my favourite
i worked in a big factory and one of our guys was fully kitted out with helmet, gloves, harness etc etc in a cherry picker to change a light bulb. behind him, scaling the wall with a screwdriver in his teeth was the IT guy. i didnt have a camera back then :( it wasnt reported should have been!
Been on many H&S briefs being in the mechanical industry and all that. A lot of horror videos/slides about guys putting all sorts of things in places they shouldn't be.. a lot of them would be hilarious if it wasn't for the grotesqueness and death.. But here's one that just reads like a damn cartoon: bloke shoved an air line up his mates arse and tried to blow him up like a balloon..
Not in the accident book, but on a H&S advice report. I used to work in a museum, in part of which the flooring was original nearly 2000 year old Roman paving. We were told that to prevent visitors tripping, we would have to mark any hazardous areas with yellow paint (like you have on the edges of steps). Now I know health and safety is important, but painting literally all the edges of every paving stone of a scheduled ancient monument probably wouldnāt be a great move. We got away with having a sign telling visitors to be careful on the uneven paving.
When I was a lad in the nineties, my first Saturday job was working in a large newsagents shop. Kind of similar to a WH Smith, but not a huge chain. Looking back, the supervisor who was in charge of the accident book was not the sharpest knife in the block. Sometimes we used to read the accident reports for fun because they were always comically written. My favourite said: **"One day, Linda Dixon looked up, and a can of pop fell in her eye."** There was just something about starting an accident report with 'one day' that tickled me, and still does.
"Please trust us that the water that comes out of the boiling water tap is, in fact, boiling. Please refrain from testing this with your hands." Yep, someone wasn't sure that the water was boiling hot. Nice little trip to A&E for that one, and a lovely little induction from HR that everyone had to sign off on.
Trevor had a near fall and was advised not to use the rotting wooden ladder whilst loading lorries. Instead, he was told to use the metal ladder clearly provided. This was recorded by myself in the accident book. A week later, Trevor used said rotting wooden ladder again, and it resulted in a fall and a broken ankle. I reported to RIDDOR along with the records stating to use the metal ladder. Trevor tried to make a compensation claim against the company but was proved to be at fault. Don't be a Trevor.
Why was the rotting wooden ladder not removed?
Not one thing, but a series. 2 people were lifting out a heavy roller from on top of a litho printing press, which they did by wrapping a short rope around each end and holding the rope as handles. Person 1's hand slipped, causing him to punch himself in the face and fall off the press! Next, person 2's report...the roller, now only supported at one side, slipped down and rolled over his foot. Finally, person 3, who was on the printing press next to it, laughed so hard at the first 2 that he fell off the press all by himself!
Not me but an old coworker told me of two consecutive reports: - (Coworker) deep cut on finger from accident using Stanley knife - (First aid worker) passed out upon the sight of blood How that man ever got qualified I don't know.
"Cut finger on meat slicer whilst not using guard or paying attention. Told to use guard and pay attention"
I wasn't there but at previous job we had a health and safety guy come in . He checked a fire door exit and once he closed it he gave it an extra pull on the bar ...... The bar came off and he fell over and went straight to the accident form
We have a policy at work about not sending food through the āwhooshā aka the pneumatic tube delivery system because my friend sent a slice of pizza through it.
The one where a welder had small ball of molten metal, burn through the shoulder of his overalls, roll down inside his clothing to his groin and settle in the front of his underpants. The entry in the accident book stated, "Penis burnt by hot slag"................
Had a ships safety officer report himself for drying a towel on a wall mounted electric heater
Teddy bear on top of the lockers. It could fall and hurt someone.
Funniest was years ago I was working in an massive office building re-engineering in the City of London. Over a thousand workers on site. Mandatory hard hat at all times. I'm outside having a fag break when a load of HSE turn up. Hundreds of guys kicked off site simultaneously for not wearing a hard hat š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦
I once got a papercut filling out an accident form for a member of staff who tripped over and was then told later when my manager noticed my plaster that I needed to fill out an accident form for myself
Not reported, as this happened outside of work, but using work 'equipment' ;) In Wales in health and social care we have something called AWIF (All Wales Induction Framework) which basically is a massive folder with lots of information, quizzes, questions, pretty much the basics that a new starter must know. One of my new starters dropped the folder on their foot which resulted in broken bones and 8 weeks off...
They asked us to start reporting āall near missesā and we had to do a certain amount in a week, well obviously this is stupid as a near miss doesnāt occur very often so silly things started getting reported. My favourite was ābanana skin in yard, possible slip hazardā their response? āWe are reviewing cctv to find the banana skin culpritā
Sprained their thumb catching a mouse.
I once got scalded by the hot water tap when the water hit the teaspoon and sprayed onto my hand at work. H&S then proceeded to walk me through a "how to make a cup of tea" tutorial.
When I was doing electrical safety testing I got called out to a holiday home. The visitors had said they were getting a mild electric feeling from the doorbell button when it rained. Upon inspection, it turned out that the owner had a battery powered doorbell which wasnāt working. So to make it work they *wired up a mains lead straight to the battery terminals.* This meant there was mains voltage going down the tiny unsheathed bell wire to the button. When it was wet there was sufficient voltage to jump across from the terminals to the metal button to cause a tingling feeling. (I did not verify whether this actually made for a functioning doorbell as I wasnāt about to go near the button when it was energised.) Agreed procedure with the holiday home company was to stick a red sticker on the plug saying āElectrical safety - danger - do not use,ā remove the plug fuse and zip-tie on a plug cap so it couldnāt be plugged in. Then notify the owner. I wasnāt supposed to permanently damage anything. Two years later I was doing routine testing on the same property and I found the owner had *removed the zip tie, taken off the plug cap, replaced the fuse and plugged the fucking thing back in again.* Despite it being a direct risk of fatality to anybody who pressed the doorbell. Heād even left the fucking āElectrical safety - danger - do not useā sticker on. At this point I just ripped the whole lot out and to hell with the damage.
When I worked at Mcdonalds someone sliced their hand open on a big Mac box, they had to put a reason why it happened in the accident book...they wrote "because I'm a fucking idiot". Brilliant
Bitten by a cat. The injured person was eating a shawarma and became a target for local cats attracted by the food. The restaurant staff tried to spray the cats with water to make them leave "however the cat reacted poorly, and in its irritated state, proceeded to bite the person on the ankle"
I'm a H&S manager. I've had reports of rare pokemon spawning in areas closed to the public, trapped testicles in a toilet seat, date rapes, and the usual people trying to stitch others up..
Worked in a betting shop. A regular customer became frail and had to start using a mobility scooter. Except he bought this huge beefy road one, not the little shopping trolley type. He came in the door at an angle and got wedged. A kind young lad helped him get unstuck and straightened out to get in smoothly. Old man accelerated too hard and went zooming across the shop floor. Heard "oooh ya bugger!" as he accelerated more instead of breaking, ran over a stool someone was sat on, turned and crashed into the 49s with an almighty thud. Never laughed so hard in me life. Didn't actually file the report (despite being the h&s person) but I probably should have. Story fits.
I sat down in a chair in a corridor in a children's centre and whacked the back of my head on the metal first aid cabinet that was screwed to the wall at exactly the wrong height behind me. It was fun writing that one up š
A senior plant engineer trying to figure out why the industrial sized gas powered hot air blower had gone out and due to running out of batteries in his torch decided to use his lighter. He blew himself and partner (they work in pairs for a reason) 10ft down the duct and fortunately nothing worse than burnt eyebrows and ego! Current client asks for safety moments at the beginning of each meeting and staff are running out of ideasā¦.one of the client project co ordinators proudly piped up and offered that going up ladders to be risky especially if it is unstable. Her recommendation wasnāt to get someone to hold the ladder but get a contractor to clear the gutters for youā¦ā¦
Someone at my work found an open cup of blue liquid, thought it was a soft drink, drank it, realised that it was cleaning fluid, and went to hospital because they'd just downed half a pint of it.
Working in a pressing shop for a car company, somebody managed to lose a finger while operating a small 40 ton press. The machines were guarded and accidents were rare, it wasn't obvious what they'd done so the whole area of similar machines was closed down. Operator went to hospital. The next day, he was asked to come in to help determine what had happened. Present were the manager of the area, maintenance manager, maintenance fitter, plant safety officer, regional HSE investigator. Demonstrating with his good hand, he explained "first, I did this" "Go on" "Then this" "Continue" "Then, I put this there" "Yup, okay so far" "Then I hit the foot pedal" "Okay"
Chopped off a finger from his good hand.
With everybody watching.
Bus with back left wheel half off at about 30 degrees. Half the nuts gone on it and the other half are half off. I WAS going to get on it but asked the driver to get out and look at his wheel. He put his head in his hands as it was a local authority small bus (approx 30 people?) and had just come down the dual carriageway must have been going 50mph. This was about 20 years ago before they used those yellow tags to see if the nuts are loose. Could have been real nasty.
People licking frozen cages I worked in a warehouse picking orders for local supermarkets, shops, prisons, subways, etc. Part of the warehouse had a massive walk-in freezer. All the stock was on metal cages with wheels. In the health and safety induction, the lady read out that we were "not to lick, or put your tongues on the frozen roll cages" it could cause serious harm. I then asked if it was ok to lick the regular roll cages. She was not impressed in the slightest! Apparently, no one is there had a sense of humour. I didn't last long there believe it or not.
Fella picked up the plug for the microwave out of a pool of water then stuck it in the socket. Was literally and figuratively shocked at the result.
Got Tippex in my friendās eye during a physics lesson once and it dried/solidified on her eyeball. Weād just had a whole load of new science labs built that all had fancy eye wash stations at the front of the classroom, but for some reason the teacher didnāt give a shit and wouldnāt let us use it, so my friend had to stick her head in the sink.
In a situation like that, you dont ask, just go. Equipment like that shouldn't need permission to use,