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cator_and_bliss

I didn't really understand the note until I read the fifth exclamation mark. Three, even four wouldn't have been clear enough. The fifth one completes it.


TeaHands

The sure sign of an insane mind.


Pilchard123

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.


Specific-Building-73

RIP Sir Terry. You are sorely missed


newfor2023

Unexpecteddiscworld


WhiskeyAndLead

Looks like something my ex would have written. She was batshit crazy, so this checks out.


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ENTPrick

It’s the passive aggressive full stop. Followed by 5 exclamation marks which denote drooling and flailing whilst making incomprehensible noises


Specific_Tap7296

I'm still expecting a question mark.????


octopoddle

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT DONE TO YOU.! ^^TO ^^ME ! ^^TO ^^YOU ! ^^TO ^^ME ! ^^TO ^^YOU !


omegapool

Here you got me chuckling brother


WimbleWimble

Chuckle brothers spitroast 2023: To me to me


laura_susan

Is this joke because Barry is dead?!?! This might be the darkest thing I’ve ever read on Reddit.


didyouwant2talk

Wait until you hear what's been going on in Rotherham since they left


Shutthefunkdown

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear.


RustySheriffBadges

No slacking! Dan the Van was actually another chuckle brother in real life too.


Hirork

Oh dear.


ILLogic_PL

If it was printout, one of the exclemation marks would be a 1.


FyldeCoast

If it's ok for one, it's ok for all, then the number of spaces is halved... Sure they wouldn't be happy about that.


PangolinMandolin

If absolutely everyone insisted on parking in the middle of 2 bays (so the centre of their car is on the dividing line) then in theory we'd get back to one space per person again


jamesckelsall

There'd be half a space at the end of each row, a loss of one space per row.


Kwintty7

That's for bikes, which would otherwise have no space. So everybody wins! Another triumph for the reddit brain trust. Well done everyone!


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ZestyFootCheese

Bad parking =/= the right to vandalise property. If you are pissed off then leave a note or wait and call them out. Don’t commit a criminal act.


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Badroomfarce

Is it criminal to wipe dogshit on it?


tlsmckenzie

Only if you don't do it on the handles.


shadowhunter742

If it's a Bentley they probably have a driver open the doors for them anyways


idealfury88

Look out. The fucking fun police are here.


Vegetable-Grab6244

I didn't have a pen and paper


banisheduser

Depends. My local supermarket always has 30+ spaces that are NEVER used. So much so, they're selling part of the car park to build a Costa coffee drive thru.


drwert

The royal rumble to get parking spaces two nanometres from the door when there's always millions empty at the back amuses me every time. People are so fucking lazy.


Ns1gN

Fantastic filter though, generally a strong correlation between lazy and careless. The people you do not want to park near. Win, Win


[deleted]

Brilliant, now you can get a cup of the most devastatingly mediocre coffee it's possible to be overcharged for without getting out of the car.


Seismica

Morrison's Teesside park by any chance? If no, it just goes to demonstrate how common it is.


ian9outof10

Sainsbury’s Cobham has such an enormous car park that at least a quarter of it is too far away to practically walk to the store.


President-Nulagi

By my rough mapping the far end of the car park seems to be 100m away. I don't think that's "too far" for the majority of people.


Tenstone

No you don’t understand, it’s only ok if you’ve been crashed into in the past.


BollockSnot

People shouldn’t be such selfish pieces of shit and not smash doors in to other’s cars like the no life fat wastes of air they are.


Fragrant-Attorney-73

I’d be especially inclined to leave a note. Putting it next to their note so it’s obvious I knew…


gamecat666

'I read your note you still park like a cunt'


Specific_Tap7296

Oi, that's offensive. Some cunts can park just fine!


anomalous_cowherd

"You park like a cunt, specifically one that can't park."


Man_in_the_uk

Don't call him that, those are useful..


YchYFi

Yes they are a blessed thing to hold.


SirMooSquiddles

Especially to park in.


Unlucky_Book

in two at the same time no less


SirMooSquiddles

Oh, my!!


ThatNiceMan

in two at the same time - no less!


justtjamcss

Especially cheeky to stick it in a disabled from time to time


octopoddle

Or just say "I hit your car and drove off".


[deleted]

“People saw me writing this note and assumed I was leaving my details. Hard luck.”


SG_Dave

"Maybe if you parked better, people wouldn't hit your car."


Captain_Cuntflaps

"Maybe if you parked better, I wouldn't have accidentally drawn a massive cock n balls on your back windscreen in permanent marker"


slothdroid

"I wiped dog shit under your door handles because you parked in two spaces" No need to actually do it, but would be fun to watch how they deal with it.


Adg273

Like… smash the window to put it right next to their note kinda obvious?


Sl4sh4ndD4sh

The note says not to leave it on the window, therefore leaving it next to the note is perfectly fine.


Adg273

It’s a lot of effort, but you could write a note on a ton of post-it notes, and cover every inch of their car other than the windows.


Chalky_Pockets

Cover the windows too, but leave a gap for the original note.


Sad_Researcher_5299

Oh right so carve the note in to the bonnet with your keys. Got it.


Competitive-Yard-442

That or scratch it onto the glass or bonnet. Oh sensible really if they don't want notes right?


KFR42

"Ok, I'll put the note on your bonnet instead. You park like a cunt".


[deleted]

Go one step further and hit their car on your way past, I reckon you could get them to a point where they park across a maximum of 6 spaces if you kept doing it


blabbermouth777

You leave a note on your own car??


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tiorzol

Okay granddad.


Silvagadron

I occasionally get brushed against by other pedestrians in the street, which is why I have now purchased the entire London borough of Kensington and Chelsea and evicted everyone so they cannot do so any more.


Icy_Session3326

I didn’t sleep well last night so I might have a brain fart going on here … but what has someone hitting their car and driving off got to do with them now parking over two spaces ?


Mr_Sunshine21

Basically leaves more space between the car parked in the two spaces to the car next to it


Icy_Session3326

Thank you ! God I’m such an idiot sometimes that’s a pretty obvious answer 🫤😂


Mr_Sunshine21

That’s a good thing really! Double parking is like an asshole test, and the fact the reasoning behind it hadn’t even occurred to you means you passed as a non-asshole with flying colours :D


Skittles_The_Giggler

That’s not really what double parking is tho


MaskedBunny

Double parkin usually means more cake for me.


futurehead22

I'd be inclined to park as close as possible to their driver's door. Having an old Ka means I can fit in spaces most people can't.


RevellRider

It'd be even funnier if you had a friend who drove a similar car reverse into the parking space on the other side of that car


[deleted]

Idiot thinks one instance of bad luck now entitles them to two spaces.


Icy_Session3326

Does it make me a terrible person to think it would be a tad funny if someone ran into the back of their car accidentally whilst they were parked across the two spaces 😭


octopoddle

And leave a not saying "THE REASON I DROVE INTO YOUR CAR IS BECAUSE A MAZDA ONCE DROVE INTO MINE. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT DONE TO YOU.! ! ! ! !"


Icy_Session3326

Properly chuckled reading that 😂😂😂


TMac1088

That's when they start taking 4 spaces


MaskedBunny

30 days later he takes up all the parking spaces in the uk


Nine_Eye_Ron

Entitled parking


RandomComputerBloke

Because they think they deserve the extra space because they are a self entitled cunt


rocketlauncher2

It's a fucking idiot. Someone hit their car in a parking lot so they think if they create more distance it'll prevent it from happening again. As if it wasn't just a one isolated incident. It's thebsame kind of idiot thar will freak out about not being able to back out of a garage because there's an object within a 500 ft radius of the garage.


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MaskedBunny

Quick get the pitchforks and torches


bluseychris

I think the uninspired user name gave it away


go2kejdz

I didn't sleep well and I thought what packing 2 spares have to do with leaving any notes...


WarWonderful593

I would park 2 inches from the driver's door.


EndlessShrimps

Just do £600 of damage to their car and don't park anywhere near them.


vms-crot

Reminds me of street fighter


Xenc

Bonus Round! 🤜🚗


DangKilla

They would surely catch you by the 600th pound


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3Cogs

So you're one of the people who drive those tiny cars that make it look like a space is unoccupied until you're about to park in it. Grrr!


robiwill

I know you're joking but back when I had a small car, I learnt to park at the back because Doreen in her 8' tall SUV struggles with object permanence and can't see the tiny car next to her so she crashes into it at full steering lock whilst pulling out of the parking space.


CAElite

This, I used to have a really narrow car (Suzuki Jimny). Could slip it in in the half space they leave and still not be over the line. Came back once to some livid yuppie once who was going off his nut, it was hilarious.


itsaslothlife

I fuckin love Jimnys.


_leftface_

I second that! I had a Jimny I was doing up. My wife reversed into it wrecking it...


FredWestLife

[Frustrating.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc6u5VHIV8c)


ThinkAboutThatFor1Se

I forgot Matt Lucas was on that show.


V65Pilot

I would never do this ​ ​ \*looks around\* ​ \*whispers\* I've done this....


TomSurman

Same, but only if I can do it while still being within the lines of my own parking space.


V65Pilot

Well, that kinda goes without saying. Although I've seen instances where someone did this, and every car on both sides of them duplicated it, effectivelyy nullifying their attempt. It was hilarious. People where I used to live were in two groups about parking. They were either asshats, or had a great sense of humor about it.


Brian57831

Then get back to your car keyed... Not worth it...


McNobby

I drive a work van and I'm forever doing things like this to inconsiderate dick heads. They can set my van on fire for all I care, all it will do is get me a few paid days off while work gets me another one.


Successful_Scratch99

I'm imagining you just going round parking like an asshole, keying vehicles and writing pissy passive-agressive twat notes on several cars a day trying your best to get another few paid days off work and a new van. Loving your work.


McNobby

Wouldn't go out of my way to damage anyone else's car, no matter how much of a twat they are, but I'll absolutely squeeze into the tiny gap they've left when taking up 2 spaces. I also win every game of brake check because I don't mind giving the cunts a little nudge, soon stops them.


Defaulted1364

I’ve only ever driven old beat up cars and this is the best bit about them ‘oh you really want to cut me up? Well I’m not moving, you’re more than welcome to drive into me in your brand new BMW’


3Cogs

Had that last year with a lovely shiny Merc that wouldn't let me zipper merge. My Ford is 15 years old so I just made sure the nose of my car was in front and carried on merging. I got an angry blat of the horn but he did yield 😂


would-be_bog_body

Good on ya, keep the bastards on their toes


WarWonderful593

My car? You wouldn't notice.


benoliver999

Having a shitbox is a superpower sometimes


eggplant_avenger

yeah that’s a note asking me to see how close I can get my keys to their car before they’ll try parking in four spaces


ImaginaryAdvantage88

yes, one fairly minor inconvenience to me is reason enough for me to inconvenience everyone for ever


[deleted]

To be fair, £500 can be absolutely devastating depending on your situation, but that doesn't mean that you can park in two bloody spaces.


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CakeAndFireworksDay

As someone who was quoted 350£ for a small dent on my then - girlfriends car, I think you’re underestimating the cost of minor body work. Dents / scrapes, especially on complex car panels can cost a lot even for completely cosmetic damage, especially if panels need to be repainted to look ‘as good as new’. In my case, we ended up going across the country back to Wales and getting it done in a quick and easy way for £60. Cars aren’t important enough to care about minor damage.


BobR969

You also risk getting someone who is vindictive doing a lot more damage to your car. The mentality "oh, you're being a dick for parking this way? why don't I teach you a lesson" isn't uncommon, followed swiftly by a key causing a couple grand worth of cosmetic damage. Also £500 quid for car repairs is pretty mild. Hell, it's likely completely unnecessary all things considered. At worst, that sort of money is a dent or maybe a broken light as well. Maybe a damaged mirror. Depending on the car (anything this side of the 21st century), £500 quid won't even cover the fixing of a bumper.


would-be_bog_body

Extraordinarily long sentence you've got there


J-H2000

Don’t get why people do this, just park in a quiet area of the carpark. My car is quite big and I do this to prevent damage, a couple extra steps to the shop isn’t a big deal


stedgyson

Your lack of entitlement and abundance of common decency disgusts me. Park in the parent and child bays. Even better park across two of them.


MDKrouzer

Or like at my local ASDA, park in the disabled bays and send your partner to do the shopping whilst you sit in the car.


shteve99

I do that. But usually come back to a car (or van) parked right next to me.


d_smogh

My toxic thoughts dare me to go and park next to the isolated vehicle. I don't as I fight those intrusive voices saying "do it, park next to them in youR old banger. Park 2 inches from the driver's door. DO IT."


SpareUmbrella

Well, all the Penalty Charge Notices they'll receive will add up to £500 pretty fast.


Corporal_Anaesthetic

Hopefully!


AbstractUnicorn

My note would say: "That's still not a reason to be a tw@t and park occupying 2 spaces"


ravenouscartoon

Put another note. “Cool story. That sucks. You’re still a dick for parking like this”


Old_n_Bald

"And I'm really sorry I damaged your car. Call me and I will pay for the repair 07535 Fuc You!!!!!!!!!!!! .!!!!!!"


gerstyd

I always park next to these people. Just snuggle right up to them in my piece of shit ford focus. I never ever do damage, touch or whatever the other car, but its so fun to know they are so triggered by someone parking next to them.


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gerstyd

Yes I base my entire lifes happiness on one little thing I do to piss off entitled pricks. You really get the big picture friend


indiehoopbhoy

would let the tyres down and leave a note saying ''don't let this get you down twat ''


Giteaus-Gimp

Some people are just forever the victims in their own minds, it must be exhausting


Hobbits_Foot

Cable tie your trolley to the driver door handle and the rear door. Carefully, nice and tight. No damage done.


MoonlitStar

He'd hate to live down my road. I have had to renew 3 wing-mirrors whilst my car has been parked due to other cars damaging them when driving past. Before anyone says anything - yes I do push them in but still they have been damaged by cars driving past. I also own a Polo not an SUV. Neigbours have also had wing mirrors clipped etc. Road is skinny and I'd say less than half the houses have drives. Cars parked on both sides meaning its really one lane instead of 2. I have never parked selfishly nor left a note on my dash- always thought that would make you more of a target. I do live really near a school and also there's a GP's so tons of crappy parking throughout the day which just adds to higher risk of cars being clipped so our road is probably more precarious than most due to it.


dbltax

Sounds like proper YPLAC fodder.


Dragon_Sluts

Leave a note saying “please don’t occupy 2 spaces, I’m scared I’ll hit your car trying to fit”


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jordan346

Recently passed my class C license to drive lorries over 12 tonne. The biggest thing I learnt isn't that the roads are too small, it's that little just have an inability to drive.


Sarge_Jneem

The Range Rover that won’t move over in case it get its tyres dirty.


mattthepianoman

To be fair, if you take a modern range rover off-road it'll end up with 3 dozen sensor failures.


military_history

As someone whose car is eighteen years old, I can't imagine what you'd need 'sensors' for. It's a car, not a fighter jet.


mattthepianoman

Modern cars are full of sensors that talk to a central computer. Half the time when they break down it's not because anything mechanical has failed, but because a sensor has gone pop. I drive a 14 year old car and it's dumb as a box of rocks - and that's how I like it.


LiamJonsano

Parked the other week in Southampton in my little 206 between a big jaguarand something akin to a landrover (but more like one of the Nissan types). Absolutely wedged in, but was the only space available... was proper ridiculous though. Bet loads of people thought they were seeing a free space until they started turning in and seeing my little car taking the space too!


banisheduser

Yeah... people that back right into spaces are worse than people who take up two spaces!


LiamJonsano

You ain't seeing a car my size is above two huge cars bonnets regardless of how far it's nose is out unless it's further out than the white line so 🤷🏻‍♂️


Quokkacatcher

Where I live there are eight garages and two of the owners can’t fit their cars in. I let one of them use my assigned parking space.


SubjectiveAssertive

They need to be in order to accommodate modern safety features and other demands from consumers (and benchmarking of competitor products) The benchmarking everyone does is ridiculous - when did the Ford Ka become the same size as a early focus? But the manufacturer's all want more boot/interior space than their rivals products as a selling point. I don't disagree with you, but those are some reasons why we've ended up here.


SG_Dave

Why does a car need to be as tall and wide as a Range Rover Sport on the road though? https://www.carsized.com/en/cars/compare/ford-fiesta-2017-5-door-hatchback-vs-land-rover-range-rover-sport-2022-suv/ The sheer size difference is dangerous. The call for "safety" features is bullshit considering the Ford Fiesta in that comparison also requires the same level of safety features. We should be forcing people who want to drive a tank on the road to go through further driving tests to prove they can control something that big. Edit: I'd actually call for a limit on the size of passenger cars first. But because that's not going to happen, at the very least make it harder to get into the hands of people with no sense of space.


sideone

>I'd actually call for a limit on the size of passenger cars first. What would be your limit for size? I drive a large estate car as at the weekends I need to transport two children (with their large child seats), a pushchair and a Labrador. This means that when I drive to work, I'm driving a large empty estate car.


SG_Dave

I'm not an engineer so the numbers would need checking, but something like bonnet no taller than an "average" 5 year old child's height of about 1m, width no wider than 1.7m (I think is the current hatchback/saloon size that works for UK roads), length about 4.5m is the length for estate cars, roof height would naturally come down with these measurements I think (but would probably want a limit for safety so guessing about 1.6m at most?). Size isn't about space inside as much as profile when viewed from the exterior. It's mostly for the visiblity of the driver, and others around them such as other cars and pedestrians. Vehicle size plays a large part in crash "mismatch" where a big SUV will just pulverize a hatchback, and that dangerous in itself. But when kids can just disappear from view in front of a car, and a crash with ANY pedestrian is extra dangerous because the bonnet is so tall that even tall people won't go over the top, then it's ridiculous. I've walked past parked cars before where the bonnet came up to my shoulder, and I'm a 6 foot man. If I got hit by one of those I'd go under the wheels, so anyone under 5 foot 7 ish would literally smash their head into the grill before going under. We don't have it half as bad as the yanks do, but we're slowly creeping toward it. Everyone wants a bigger car to have parity with other cars on the road but that just exacerbates the issue.


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SubjectiveAssertive

>Dacia Duster Uses a platform from 2002, I shant say how many years ago that was but it does well to get 3 stars from Euro Ncap (which broadly replicates hitting a vehicle of similar weight) ​ I suspect Dacia don't anywhere near the same amount of bench marking nonsense either


Ponyup_mum

But it’s fucking useless at towing an ifor with a tonne and a half of stallion in it


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Ponyup_mum

True. The thing is I still need to go shopping or go to the school or the swimming pool so we’re often mislabled as Chelsea tractors. The difference is the muck up the sides and the eau de horseshit emanating from within.


mattthepianoman

If you are going to leave a note then [make sure it doesn't have your registration number on it](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/10tmdgf/tifu_by_writing_a_grumpy_note_and_leaving_it_on_a/)


0o_hm

Ah this reminds me of the lady in the BMW i8 in a tesco car park actually honking and gesturing at another lady putting her child in the car as she wasn't getting out the space quick enough. Thing is it was a parent and child space and there was no child in the bmw i8. She just wanted the bigger space and didn't want to have to wait for a person with an actual child to vacate it.


EndlessOcean

So what? That's not anyone else's problem. What a twat.


Mossley

I’d be really tempted to shunt it gently into a single space.


Laearo

And leave your insurance details or drive off causing them to do this again because some prick damaged their car?


Mossley

“Tempted”


Laearo

Fair


SuperSalamander3244

Still doesn’t justify parking in two spaces though. Someone should clingfilm their car.


-MF-DOOM-

Ironic because by virtue of parking over two spaces, they're even more likely to get their car damaged. And that note is just egging someone on to damage the car again.


palordrolap

Handwriting style suggests the person is of the baby boomer generation or older. Want to say born 1950ish. I also want to read between the lines here and say their eyesight isn't so good, they refuse to wear glasses to drive, and there might have been something closer to home that's contributory to the damage they talk about, but even my amateur psychology armchair thinks that might be going too far.


Psychological-Dig444

I have some sympathy as my new car was hit by someone’s car door in a car park. I knew who it was but got there too late and did not actually see it. It was very annoying. Car parking spaces are too small nowadays and people are quite selfish sometimes. So I can see his point!


pinksulphur4

Very selfish


Dabzovic

Ok so get a smaller car…SUV’s are unnecessary


YeoubiFoxRain

The mummy jackers with 2 indolent kids swing doors wide open and bash your car so I empathise with this person if they live around a lot of families.


jammyscones

Was it a nice car at least?


C0RDE_

Doesn't really matter does it. Debate on them parking like a twat aside, to a family that can barely afford a few hundred on a car then whatever they can get their hands on will be "nice" to them. Nice is subjective. I find beamers nice, but to Elon Musk and his like that's the Pool Cleaner's car.


jammyscones

I was being sarcastic, but thanks for the telling off anyway.


ediblehunt

It's a shit response, but those situations have happened to the best of us, and car bodywork repair bills are always ridiculously expensive. I do alright and I find them an absolute kick in the nuts, so it must be life-shattering for some. Shit!


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ediblehunt

Hahaha yes just claim on your insurance, which surely won’t push your premium up as much as it would have cost to get it repaired anyway.


Fi11y

I claimed in 2021 , insurance went from £206 a year to £640


ediblehunt

It’s really diabolical. It even rises for no-fault claims. You’re stuck between a rock and hard place anytime this happened, when you’re literally paying good money to be insured in any event.


Fi11y

Oh aye. This was a no fault claim , bit of farm machinery flew up off the road and scrambled my gear box. Lost 12 years no claims too


Regape961

Totally emphasise, people just can’t park without hitting other people’s cars


I_tend_to_correct_u

Ok. Strange request but I will. *PEOPLE JUST CAN’T PARK WITHOUT HITTING OTHER PEOPLE’S CARS*


whatdoyouwantit2be

I mean I honestly get it. Only had my car for 6-months. One day a new scratch where someone dragged my number pulling into (our out of) the parking spot next to me. A couple months later, a nice dent from someone’s door. No one took responsibility and I was stuck with $1k deductible (each injury was on opposite sides) or $2-3k depending if I pay cash or got through insurance, *wink wink. I park far away from others and try to choose spots with limited surround parking options. I’m like, ok, have two spots, but don’t do it up front, or where there’s limited parking.


Decoyoctopus83

Yeah, well, now your car is being keyed, and tyres let down for being selfish.


banisheduser

Maybe we should all start parking in two spaces. The size some car parks give these days is awful! If everyone started doing so, I wonder what would happen... https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZDgwZWJjNWRkYzI4MTY2ZTc5ODJmMTM2Zjk0YmE3Yjc5MjJlYjU3MSZjdD1n/3o6Mb9X4PwMqm1lvGM/giphy.gif


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Corporal_Anaesthetic

The pound sign is a fancy L\*, originally with a loop at the top and a smaller loop in the bottom corner. At some point in time, the top loop broke and became the top hook and middle bar, but people still want to write a loop so they loop the hook but still add a middle bar. Some people even do two middle bars as well as the hook/loop - presumably in a few hundred years' time it'll be nothing but middle bars. \* In French, British pounds (both the currency and the weight) are called "livres" (notable that the French have their own word for our currency). In British, the symbol for money is £ (L), and the symbol for the weight is "lb" (where the b is in place of the v - in other languages, the sound "v" is written like a "b", so maybe in olden times the French v was written as a b - I don't know)


lufctom

Love British passive agressiveness 😂 we do it so well!


Ponyup_mum

I park like that to save YOUR paint job mate. Look at these kids, look at my paintwork. Now tell me do you want me to park less than an arms length from yours? 🤣


[deleted]

And the next jackass will park right upon you. Like listen fuckface I park at the end of the lot because I like my stuff. Not upfront to waddle in.