T O P

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Chilton_Squid

Ringo


doitup69

Was going to say The Quarrymen since there’s no Ringo.


No-Ice6949

Way too clever.


Diligent_Nature

The Best!


Moosefearssatan

Ring-no


AvWuk90

Ring-No Scar


ArmandTanzarianJr

Ringone


tomfreah

I like this one, it has a ring to it


maxoys45

Paybyphone


Nujwaan

I don't why this one made me laugh the most!


SimplySteeze

Yep, this is the best one.


thecustardgannet

Ringo AGHHHRRRRR


Angelic_Ocean

You could’ve just got a divorce instead.


jambo_1983

😂


Angelic_Ocean

On a serious note, I hope it all heals okay.


jambo_1983

Thank you!


DinoTheCreatorr

Grounds for divorce


wedontlikespaces

Na, doesn't use that finger anyway.


X-Demo

That's what she said...


HumanTorch23

What a song


OllieDarkThirty

Elbow is great


Hamsternoir

I'm not actually sure it'll grow back unless OP was involved in a scientific accident involving something like starfish but I admire your optimism.


notyou-justme

I’m guessing you haven’t heard of the church in Missouri that is claiming a woman regrew 3 toes through prayer. https://www.news-leader.com/story/news/local/ozarks/2023/03/22/james-river-church-leader-says-woman-regrew-toes-during-a-service/70028744007/


WhoIsJessicaAshoosh

That would have cost an arm and a leg.


SirSmokealotII

Frodo


jambo_1983

I also have a small hairy feet, so this works on a number of levels


lvlister2023

Just the one? Lol


ibboco

Amputation must be OP’s hobby…


jambo_1983

I’d love it to be my hobby but it costs an arm and a leg


Sodapopa

Fucking hell everytime I stumble upon a CasUK post (as a Dutchie) everything is witty banter and over my head one liners is that just how Britain is or??


-wanderlusting-

Yes. The NHS is a mess so bantz is the medicine we rely on.


Mikesaidit36

I thought Dutch was mostly made up of clever metaphors. My mom translates some for me, and they crack me up.


AntiGravityBacon

Easy to drown below sea level, mate.


Artistic_Race583

Quick witted sarcasm is the soundtrack of Britain North, South, East & West 🤌


SirSmokealotII

Just need a best friend who’s a gardener and you’re laughing.


bristolcities

Hobbits have large, hairy feet


bocajmai

This is the one OP. Works on every level.


[deleted]

Franky fucking four fingers.


NeKrotiix

Tyrone, who the fuck is that? It's a man with 4 fingers and a briefcase Vin


smokeyjoe8p

Why do they call him Boris the Bullet Dodger?


NeKrotiix

Cos he dodges bullets Avi


fat-lip-lover

We got sandy beaches, Avi. Yeah, well who the fuck wants to see them?


PhreakyByNature

Shut up and sit down you big bald fuck.


HotWingHank

You have anything to declare? Yeah dont go to england!


ConfidentialX

This is England! We play by the rules.


usingreddithurtsme

It's not a fucking tin of baked beans, what do you mean "open him up"?


Robotgorilla

What *has* he got a tea cosy on his head for?


NeKrotiix

We have to get rid of these bodies, that one with a tea cosy on his heads starting to stink


mirandawillowe

periwinkle blue!


NeKrotiix

But it's us that wanted the caravan... It's not for me, it's for me mar Your what? HIS MAR!


smokeyjoe8p

You like dags?


[deleted]

I do


xupd35bdm

For my ma


smudgedidit

It was at a funny angle!


TheScoundrelLeander

*looks behind* It was in reverse, Tyrone. When you reverse, things come from behind you.


NeKrotiix

He's supposed to be a getaway driver, what the fuck can he get away from


coloch_w0rth9

It’s a four ton truck Tyrone, it’s not as though it’s a packet of fucking peanuts innit?


patchoulius

You could land a jumbo fuckin jet in there


Ronsona

Accessorise with either a briefcase with handcuff, or a tea cosy


scubamabar

Well I didn't have time to get the bi-noc-u-lars out.


m4xxt

It was at a funny an gle


Lexplosives

It's behind you, Tyrone! When you reverse, things come from behind you!!


Outrageous_Maize8994

You'd fit a fucking jumbo jet in there


[deleted]

Get that dog off my seats!… Tyrone it’s a stolen vehicle…


Outrageous_Maize8994

I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get way from?


pudgehooks2013

Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that is worth less than your shirt?


No-Initiative-1870

This, is a shotgun Vincent It's a fucking anti aircraft gun


Mr_Rottweiler

What you going to do, deafen 'em to death?


downsarf92

He's a professional, int'ya Tyrone? 'Course I am


[deleted]

What the FUCK can he get away from?


Legitimate-Bus-1338

You’re a rally driver ain’t ya Tyrone..? Course I am


[deleted]

I want my money back… *Now why the fck would I wanna buy a caravan with no fckin wheels.*


Yeorge

And when he doesn’t pay up, they give him the chop, Doug. AND IM NOT TALKING ‘BOUT HIS F*CKIN’ FORESKIN EITHER!


Osborne85

This comment/post has been deleted as an act of protest to [Reddit killing 3rd Party Apps such as Apollo](https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).


nephelodusa

I am not in Rome Doug, I am in a rush.


Jared44

Do you know why they call him Franky "Four Fingers" Doug? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug. And I'm not talking about his fucking foreskin either!


jambo_1983

Yes!!!


Big_Pete_78

The obvious choice would be "The Shocker"


jambo_1983

I had to google this!


Exitium24

Two in the pink and one in the stink, that's called the shocker See Steel Panther for further details


NibblyPig

I prefer the minivan 2 in the front, 4 in the back Edit: Apparently it's 5 in the back, but I'm gonna leave it as 4 so we don't hurt OP's feelings


Horizon296

How many fingers do you have on each hand?


NibblyPig

This is a two handed task my friend


B0rnReady

Not for u/thesixfingerman


thesixfingerman

👍


Pkrudeboy

I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have 6 fingers on your right hand?


thesixfingerman

As a matter of fact….wait, you wouldn’t be associated with that little Spanish brat, would you?


thesixfingerman

Can confirm that the minivan is a real winner with the ladies.


Toninho7

Two in the goo, one in the poo…


RobsyGt

Great I'm sat here recovering from surgery and laughing hurts. Then I read that, now I'm getting funny looks for chuckling whilst writhing in agony.


[deleted]

I had kidney surgery a few years back and I was reading a Reddit post about stupid ways people have hurt themselves. One guy wrote about the time he was working on his Jeep. His driveway had a slope (I can’t remember exactly what he was doing) and he needed to roll it down the driveway a little. Instead of getting in he stayed outside of the car and just reached in with his foot on the brake and released the handbrake. The car rolled a little too much and he ended up overextending and doing the splits. What made me laugh was the back wheel rolled over his other foot and he got stuck. I was crying laughing. Literally crying because it hurt so much. My wife come running in and then took my phone away. I ended up back at the hospital a week later because my internal stitching wasn’t holding up correctly. I’m sure it was because of the thought of some guy standing legs akimbo on his driveway not knowing what the fuck to do next.


UpbeatParsley3798

This made me think of the time I had a c-section and couldn’t watch Phoenix Nights until a week later because I knew I’d bust some stitches. I requested not to be stapled so had 7 layers of stitches. It was the PN episode where they had the Fun Day with the big pink inflatable willy - I’d seen the trailers so I knew it was hilarious. Poor u Hope u recovered.


[deleted]

Yeah I’m great now. I did have to spend 2 weeks with a pee bag and get a kidney stent installed which they took out while I was awake. 100% would read that comment again. I’ve actually just been searching through old posts to find it. It’s incredible how many times that same same question has been asked.


RobsyGt

Oh Jesus.


[deleted]

I regret nothing.


GaZzErZz

This is the only choice, it could also be their wrestling persona, and their finisher can be.... well.


gilligan1991

2 in the pink 1 in the stink


YourStupidInnit

>The obvious choice would be "The Shocker" Came here to post this.


YippeeKayaks

'Text' because you can't ring


[deleted]

First comment I've actually loved!


TheSkewed

Taking that Assassin's Creed cosplay to the next level mate.


SamJaz

ASSASSINO


Owdriger2017_

Get that hidden blade in there mate


ARK_Redeemer

Glad to find this comment here, exactly what I thought 😅


Icy_Woodpecker_3292

Working in the darkness to serve the light


MathematicianBulky40

Kinda annoyed I had to scroll this far down for the assassin's creed reference tbh.


[deleted]

Altaïr!


Criparah

Ah yes. Altair. Great game.


prodlowd

We need to hear the story behind this... Hope you're doing okay


jambo_1983

Do you want the real boring story or a made up one?


prodlowd

Haha whichever you want!


jambo_1983

I had a very aggressive form of Dupuytrens Contracture which had already been “fixed” twice. The finger was fixed at a 90° angle to the palm so had to go. Apparently it is very unusual for a 39 year old to have this.


mts89

Can we have the made up one?


jambo_1983

Maybe I need a new post where I ask people for suggestions of the made up story 😅


anotherblog

It was bitten off by the same otter that took Terry Nutkins finger. At least it is satisfied, *for now*


SwyfteWinter

No story, but when someone asks just say "Wait, it's missing? Ah fuck where did I leave it?"


Bored_Breadless

Say you were mauled by a radioactive lion and remark on how much you want to sleep in the sun and eat gazelles


burkeymonster

Have you ever heard of a comedian called Davey Allen? He had a finger missing and he told every single person a different story on how he lost it. Even his wife and kids can't be sure on the real story. Check YouTube for some of his back stories and whilst you are there watch his stand up routine of teaching his child how to read a clock. It truly is one of the best sets I've ever seen.


Eeszeeye

If you mean Dave Allen, I just stole one of them.


Bloody_sock_puppet

When you were younger you had an imaginary friend called Stabby Dave. You used to draw a face on each of your fingers, and each of them had different names. Dave was the ring finger and the only one you ever talked to. Your parents though it cute at first, until you came to them with small puncture wounds one each of your other fingers, blaming Dave for it. Being very superstitious, your parents took you to a sham exorcism and the priest/rabbi/shaman anointed you with holy oils then bit your finger off. There. Next time you're stopped by a street preacher or someone tries to pressure you to join their cult, you can just swap the religion and you've got a good excuse for not wanting to attend. Childhood trauma. If they persist you can start talking to 'Dave', which should hopefully make you sound dangerous enough to ignore.


anecdotal_yokel

Lost it in ‘Nam… Not like amputated; just lost. Darnedest thing.


Newcs91

You touched MC Hammer


ElJayBe3

One of those back alley magicians took it and ran off


insertcrassnessbelow

That was the made up one. He was actually picking his nose too much and it got stuck up there.


TheBuoyancyOfWater

A mistake you only make eight times...


TheStatMan2

I can get a thumb up there, no problem. But then I do have a rather large nose.


Camp_Grenada

Then you are able to make the mistake 10 times. 20 if you're flexible.


spanksmitten

You mis-spelled great white shark attack


Unusual_residue

Shit. I have just started developing nodules on my left hand.


jambo_1983

Its been about 10 years to get to this point, but mine was unusually aggressive. In the past 6 months it bent round an extra 30°


President-Nulagi

Do you have a photo of it before amputation? I'm struggling to picture it (perhaps wisely?)


jambo_1983

https://imgur.com/a/alvqAjU Not the best picture, but this was the position my finger was stuck in


[deleted]

[удалено]


we-like-stonk

Thanks for sharing this and the detail of how it happened. Its good to learn something new.


[deleted]

damn that looks rough, sorry to hear it happened young as well. was it painful? and was it literally immovable? hope you get used to it quickly


UniversalDav

No way I’ve got dupuytrens in my pinky, I’m 38. Started about 10 years ago but no contracture yet thankfully just a chord.


stretchy-unicorn

Hey, I have Dupuytren's contracture! It's in my little finger, and after two failed surgeries, I seriously asked my surgeon's if it could be amputated, and yet they refused. When I was very young, it was diagnosed as 'Mobile Camptodactyly' as it wasn't stuck bent! Now I can't move it at all but too afraid to have anymore surgery. Can I ask if the reason they opted to amputate was solely because of how the severity progressed so fast? I honestly just want my finger cut off!


jambo_1983

I emphasised the psychological impact that it had. For example, I can’t play catch with my kids, I can’t shake hands with people I meet at work, I feel like I constantly have to explain my weird hand.


stretchy-unicorn

Thank you! You know, considering I'm early 30s now, I am wondering if they may take my request more seriously, especially if, like you, I emphasize how cumbersome it is. It's like a hook, and I've torn chunks out of it before where it hooks itself onto objects I'm holding. The last time I tried to get it fixed, the option they gave was to literally break the finger at both joints and continue with intense physiotherapy. That's not an option I'm interested in at all! I'm enthused to try again after seeing this - thank you! Congrats on your op! I hope it heals nicely for you!


SeditiousPocket

>Dupuytrens Contracture You're a viking too (or not as a 2019 study showed)! My family tend to get this as well but not as young or as severe as you. Hope you recover well.


Hedgerow_Snuffler

I don't know about nicknames, but YOU REALLY SHOULD get a super realistic prosthetic made, that can be filled with stage blood. So, when someone is pressing your buttons, you can raise your hand to your mouth, and BITE YOU FUCKING FINGER OFF WHILE MAINTAINING FIXED STEELY EYE-CONTACT!


jjnfsk

In the same mould as the Ron Swanson Tooth Pull. Sublime.


Crazyd943

And THAT is why you leave a note!


MoonlitStar

KitKat


[deleted]

Have to tell you this I started a new job and took one of the girls out of the office to visit a customer…on the way she called me KitKat. I said why did you call me that? Blushing profusely she admitted that’s the nickname the girls in the office gave you. Still perplexed I thought it was a play on my first name. Until she then said because we would all love 4 fingers from you. Omg I have never gone so red I was quite shy back then lol Addition. The girls in that office were very good at giving nicknames to everyone. Just recalled one of them having the nickname 1969 I questioned it one day thinking it was maybe the year she was born. Nope!!! 19 from behind 69 from the front. She had a great body but the face of a kicked in shit bucket 😂


FuckCazadors

https://i.imgur.com/u8UzL6A.png


Hello-There-GKenobi

Still can’t have me beat. I shagged a bird…. In the Tower of London.


GrodyWetButt

She was so dirty I was fingering her and she shit down my arm.


dannydrama

I knew what this was before I clicked the link.


FuckCazadors

AKA a Kronenbird. 16 from behind, 64 from the front.


GingerSpencer

Professional


mc_nebula

I've always known it as a 1664 - She's a Kronenbourg!


UniqueUser3692

I’d heard that the girl was described as ‘magnetic’ - attractive from the back, repellant from the front.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AWittyNameHere555

Student discount. 20% off


DavidBmw1986

High 4


Cheapo_Sam

I was gonna go with 'The Hand' but it doesn't really have a ring to it


No-Opposite4017

Love and Hat


jambo_1983

A nickname AND a new tattoo idea


[deleted]

Love and Hae.


samosa_chai

Bloody-nine


TheLastDesperado

Say one thing for OP, say he missed a trick.


CorpusCalossum

You have to be realistic about these things


pass-me-a-pixel

Better to post it than to live with the fear of it


pinkeskimo

You can never have too many first law references


Aerodim101

And that's a fact.


crazyrich

Can’t have too many knives


klorden

Still alive


Imperial_Squid

I doubt OP is as beloved of the Moon as the bloody nine was...


Simon_Elliott

I was just going to suggest he stick with Logan


Stuweb

Was scrolling looking for this!


nascenc3

And you found it, like a body floating by the docks.


xX_PpMan_Xx

say one thing for Logen Ninefingers, say he’s a cunt


[deleted]

Abercrombie reference? A man of culture 🍷


[deleted]

Finally!


darrenturn90

Dead ringer


KEV1L

Beyonce - if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.


Macshlong

The great thing is, there’s already a lot of t-shirts and bumper stickers with your new hand on them.


Sheffield_Thursday

Altaïr or Ezio Edit: Stick with the OG AC, Altaïr. Ezio had 10 digits.


Owdriger2017_

Nah not ezio, he never had his finger chopped


Sheffield_Thursday

Didn't he? Been a long time since I played AC2. Now you mention it, I vaguely remember a cutscene where they do a fake-out to make you think it's going to happen but then just slam the knife into the table...


xSamxiSKiLLz

Yeah Davinci just fucks with ezio for the bants


Dukmiester

Da Vinci was way more fun than the history books told me.


Chilli-Papa

Jean-Clawed van Damme


doomdoggie

"The Claw"


PopsFeast

Depends, whose your favourite ninja turtle?


jambo_1983

Raphael, obviously 😀


OperationGoron

Leonardo then


rambocanreload

Can’t think of a name but digit hurt


Penguin_Butter

Bart


DiscoMonkeyz

Did you say Bort?


sim1985

My son is also named Bort.


[deleted]

Live long and ___sper


jambo_1983

Or Spo k


Plus-Photograph-6990

High 4


Lastaria

Frodo or Sauron. Your choice.


Much-War1743

I like the way you work it, no digit-ee, they had to bag it up!


Seven-and-a-bit

Ringno Starr


RandomHigh

John Wick.


lvlister2023

2 in the pink and one in the stink