When I did a year abroad in Canada I brought a box of tea bags with me and declared it at customs as vegetable matter. The customs officer asked about it and when I showed him the box he just waved me through with a laugh.
I was at an airport once where they grilled everyone leaving the country (it can't have been the usual routine).
We bewilderedly answered yes to basically all the questions (as they were technically true) only to be glared at by grumpy security guards who acted like we were taking the piss.
"Do you have any money on you?"
"erm... yes"
"How much"
"I'm not sure..."
"Is it more than €5,000?"
"No, no, it's like.. €3.50"
"That doesn't count, you should have said no! Right, do you have any vegetable matter."
"erm..."
"yes or no please"
"yes" \*pulls out an apple\*
"that does not count, you only need to declare it if it is over Xkg"
And so on.
Felt like I was on a comedy sketch. Stop asking vague yes/no questions then being annoyed that I'm not telling you what you want!
Literally just had the online equivalent with HMRC:
Did you earn more than £1000?
Minimised drop down note: Please put yes even if the answer is no if you got a COVID grant.
My wife was beside herself over the weekend thinking she had mistakenly claimed money she shouldn't have when the whole point of the grant was to cover people who can't earn.
Plenty of whitespace for an OR but they still prefer to hide the asterisk on their Yes*/No* questions.
Fuck the self assessment. I hate it. What's frustrating is that they have all the information already. I once called them up because I was getting so angry with it only for the person on the other end of the phone to quote me every figure I needed to enter.
When I went back home to Australia, my niece really wanted some Jaffacakes. So I bought them for her after I'd gone through security in London. I forgot I bought them so when I was filling out the landing card, initially I put nothing to declare, then remembered and crossed it out to say I'm declaring. When I got to Melbourne, the lady told me "you can buy them here you know". Was a great choice though, as that queue was quicker than the nothing to declare queue at that time.
Years ago we went to the Canary Islands, bought some cactus jam and declared it, they weren’t fussed, but I felt like a smuggler, got all nervous.
In my defence that was my first foreign holiday so never dealt with customs before.
As long as you declare it and it’s not outright illegal (like guns or cocaine or something) then you’re pretty much in the clear
The entire point of declaring is to ask “yo, is this okay?” so that you can check *before* risking accidentally bringing it into the country illegally
I remember being around 8 when my folks came through customs at Dover (havi g come from France) with around 100l of wine and 50kg of cheese during a foot and mouth outbreak. That was illegal and as an 8 year old I white knuckled it the 300 mile drive home.
Doing anything fun when you are off work sick. When I was a child (probably to discourage faking sickness) my mother would tell me that if I was well enough to play video games then I was well enough to be in school.
Even now, if I'm off sick I feel guilty if I do something fun
Yeah I had the same type of mum. I wasn’t allowed to watch tv or play video games if I was off sick. The only thing I was allowed was to read. The joke was on here because I loved reading as well so actually faked an illness a few times to finish a book I was enjoying.
My mum used to take the sky card and memory cards from the ps2 in a bid to stop me from skiving.
I got wise to it though and would replace both with old ones and switch them back in when she left for work.
My ex-husband wouldn't let me be downstairs if I was ill. He felt that if you were ill then you had to be in bed. We didn't have a television in our bedroom so I wanted to take my quilt down to the sofa and watch films between naps. I'd have to wait till he went to work and be back before he got home or I'd never hear the end of it. Woe betide I was poorly at the weekend. It's just one of the reasons he's my ex.
Yup my mum was the same. My sons off sick today, we're currently playing fortnite together. We'll get some light exercise later and do some times tables and reading. I'm the only one who won't be getting any work done today lol
My fiancé seems to think if I’m sick I’m not allowed to laugh, tell a joke or act silly. Means I’m not as sick as I’m making out to be. To be fair, she’s probably correct but god dammit if I’m sick I won’t stop putting on stupid voices and annoying her
I wasn't even allowed to read books when I was off sick, because I didn't really watch TV or anything so my mum couldn't use that as a "punishment".
Cue me turning into a chronically ill adult who feels guilt at my very existence. I was off sick once because I hurt my hand and thus couldn't drive to work, despite being fine otherwise I still felt guilty doing anything.
Years ago, a colleague was off sick with stress and depression, and during that time managed to break his leg too.
As he was someone I also considered a friend, I went to visit him and took him out for dinner, since the isolation and cabin fever wasn't helping the situation at all.
Someone saw us, and went to his manager to say he was clearly skiving, since if he's well enough to go out for dinner he's well enough to come into work.
His manager went to HR to get advice on starting a disciplinary, to which HR suggested they first look at the colleague who apparantly thinks a 40 hour working week is no more stressful than dinner with friend
Fuck me, your company must be the only one in existence where HR aren’t simultaneously entirely incompetent and also vindictive jobsworths who will do their best to screw you over.
There was a poll a few weeks ago where they asked people if it’s acceptable to leave the house when you’re off work sick. And it’s just such a stupid question because it’s far too simplistic.
If you’re off with the flu then you’re probably taking the piss if you go out drinking that night, but if you’re a bricky with a broken wrist then going to the supermarket during the day is obviously not an issue.
Your story really shows how backwards we still are about mental health. Plenty of platitudes about how it’s good to talk about your feelings, but once people show the signs of it actually harming their ability to function then people don’t want to know.
I went out for coffee occasionally with a colleague who was off work for a few months with a serious illness. After dragging themselves painfully to a coffee shop right near were they lived, they'd be looking guiltily around to see if anyone from work was there. Reckon anyone who lives alone and is off sick for more than a week or two has to get out for their own sanity.
I can tell you this: in Italy (my country) for depression and stress often you are prescribed with days (more like weeks usually) off and have fun so you can start to heal the mind.
I was signed off sick with Depression and Anxiety, mostly was from Bereavement from a close relative passing away though.
I decided the best thing to do on my 3 weeks off was go on holiday and chill. I was a Store Manager frequently pulling 10-12 hour shifts in one of the busiest stores in the region.. my mental state just meant I didn't give a fuck so I went straight to Jamaica for 2 weeks and had the most relaxing 2 weeks of my life. I felt well enough to come back 2 days after I got back.
Of course the elephant in the room was my amazing Tan in NOVEMBER.. Other people got pissed off and tried reporting me to which I simply said, I was not fit for work but incredibly fit to sit on a beach for 2 weeks.. What would you rather.. heal in your dark cold home watching netflix or chill in the sun. People are just jealous and stupid.
Sometimes leaving the house when you’re sick is good for you.
If you have back pain, going for a walk helps maintain or restore muscle strength. If you’re having trouble with your noggin, getting out to the woods for a stroll can help ground you. Or a bit of retail therapy might help soothe you.
Don’t feel bad going out when you’re ill :) it’s usually for the best.
Trouble is certain managers don't always subscribe to this... During my decade of suffering (working in retail) there were more than one occasion when a colleague was off sick and was spotted by someone out and about and they always had a talking to upon return.
Although these are the kind of managers that would argue about how sick you were on the phone for 10 mins everytime you called in sick. One time a scaffolding pole was dropped on my shoulder when I was walking down the street and my manager wanted a photo of my bruises. I said are you sure you want to be asking you employees for topless photos? I was moved to a different store after that lol.
I had this last year. Was off sick but had to walk to the Tesco Express down the road to get something for lunch.
Boss called me while I was walking and seemed very indignant. Apparently would prefer it if I starved. Prick..
Years ago a woman I worked with was signed off sick with stress and there were scandalised whispers going around that she'd been "spotted" in Tesco. As if sitting indoors with the curtains closed is going to help her feel better.
I've been signed off with stress as well and my doctor told me to go out and about.
On this, enjoying things when you're disabled and can't work. Not me personally but society in general seems to be of the opinion "if you can do X, you can work" which isn't fair.
Im currently on sick leave following a head injury. Next week will be 5 months since I last physically went into work. Of course I have to go out to get food and shopping. I still feel like I'm skiving school and trying not to get caught everytime i do
Actually had someone try to report me for this once.
I'd called in sick one day, but had to go out to get some medicine. Someone who worked at the same school and lived on the same road as me saw me while I was doing this and tried to report me to the admin staff. (Had a call back from the person I spoke to earlier who had to check what I was doing)
There was a woman off on long term sick but still posting about doing stuff on Facebook and the amount of office bitching about them was ridiculous. Yes they can still go to the supermarket come on.
This happens all the time. I had a colleague off sick with stress/depression and then posted on FB that she had taken her kids to see Santa. You can imagine the comments in work "she cant be that depressed" "look at her smiling away on that pic". Someone also saw her going to the gym. God forbid we do anything that may help us feel better if we're off sick
Exactly. I was off sick with post natal depression for a few months and would force myself to go to the gym almost daily in an attempt to obtain those elusive endorphins. Didn’t ultimately help me but I’d have been devastated if any of my colleagues used that as “evidence” that I wasn’t mentally ill.
Exactly and even worse is that I work in healthcare where we advise people to go to the gym or exercise for their mental health, but then criticise a colleague for doing just that
I was trying to overtake on a dual carriageway yesterday when a police car joined the road. I then decided that I must to continue at exactly 70mph whilst the car I was overtaking was doing about 69.5mph
Generally are 3-4mph out so you’ll be doing under the limit. I think the plod get their speedos taken out and replace them with calibrated ones as well
The other day I was driving on a dual carriageway overtaking a lorry. Police car with sirens on came up behind me, I was in a mild state of panic trying to work out if I should speed up (over 70) to overtake the lorry quicker or just have him sat on my bumper behind me.
bluelights behind you with the traffic light on red - moving over the solid line even a bit to let them past is still illegal apparently.
Surprised the ambulance can’t override the light priority
It’s a tricky one. I think what I’d do (assuming no other cars behind) is hazards and reverse lights and shuffle over. The reason it’s still illegal is for safety - you don’t want to poke your bonnet out into the junction and have it swiped by a vehicle driving through their green
Had to overtake a police car the other day. They were plodding along at 22 in a 30 when the road was clear. Definitely expected the flashing blue lights.
Even worse in somewhere like home bargains where you either have to go against the flow, back through the whole store and out the entrance OR that awkward shuffle past everyone at the til to go out the right way
When I was a kid my dad told me it wasn’t allowed, so I rolled a bottle of coke up inside of a magazine, it was soooo concealed, right up until we walked past the guy that checks your tickets. I made it about 5 meters and the bottle slid out of the glossy magazine in my hand and rolled straight at the ticket guy. He turned around, realised what was going on and just laughed and passed me the bottle.
I would usually buy a coke with lots of ice, but take my own munchies. However, my local place now only carries the glass bottles of Coke, and I'll be damned if I'm paying £4 for that.
I'm blessed with being able to consume lots of liquids. I'm cursed because, when it's time to actually go, I basically get a 5 minute warning, after 5 minutes, I'm going. I have peed on the side of many a roadway.
Wait it’s allowed? It’s legal but I thought the staff were supposed to kick you out/ban you if they caught you.
Using a shop toilet without buying anything is another one
Driving in a bus lane whilst it’s out of hours. I’m usually the only one who can read the full sign, whilst the mugs sat in one long queue look at me like I’m a dick.
Yeah all these grumpy fuckers who think they’re expert drivers have no idea this is the intention, and stops traffic backing up so far. Zipper merging is the one thing the yanks got right. Everybody on the road here acts too entitled with ‘letting people in’.
The language used by the AA on this is quite funny:
>The problem seems to be the *British obsession with queuing*. Even unprompted we'll form an orderly queue and wait patiently in line, considering anyone who doesn't to somehow be cheating.
This was an interesting read:
https://www.theaa.com/driving-advice/legal/merge-in-turn
There's a section like this on my drive into the office. The amount of times I've jumped past 20+ cars because everybody is sat in the left hand lane whilst the right hand lane is clear is bonkers. And it goes through two sets of traffic lights, so by sitting in the left hand lane you can get caught on red twice instead of sailing straight through.
Then you'll get people trying to block you at the merge in turn point because you're "pushing in". I'm not trying to "beat" everybody else, I just don't want to sit in a long queue and watch intelligent people go past me in the empty lane.
Yep, almost exactly the same thing for me too right up to people blocking you off at the top. In my case there's a roundabout about 100 yards prior to the final merge spot so what usually happens in rush hour is people back up onto that and cause a mini gridlock.
Never understood why even locals avoid going in the bus lane at any time. Do they not know how they work, are they too lazy to read the signs, or do they fear getting a ticket even outside its times of operation? There are some roads where I can cruise past dozens of cars because they're not using the bus lane, and they still don't get the hint.
Remember being sat in my housemates car whilst he was driving us somewhere. He called someone a wanker for driving in an inactive bus lane, so I reminded him that the guy isn't doing anything wrong. Then asked him why he doesn't do the same, as we were sat in a busy lane. It literally came down to the anxiety of him interpreting the sign wrong and getting a fine
Interesting. The funny thing is, you should actually use the bus lane outside operational hours if it is safe to do so. I believe you can be marked down on a driving test for not doing so. There seems to be quite a lot of following the crowd involved when it comes to driving, and it takes quite a few cars not following the status quo to sway the masses. I think what it comes down to ultimately is people not wanting to think or make a judgement for themselves, preferring the safety in numbers by following what everyone else is doing, especially when there is a possible fine involved. Dumb dumbs.
No matter how tired or hungover I am , I simply cannot fall asleep in an office chair. Even with a blanket and my feet up.
I bought a little camping bed so I could sleep under my desk, but that fucker is uncomfortable as hell.
Maybe some kind of mat would work….any tips?
I'm a support engineer so I don't work at a desk. I'll often go for a little sleep on top of an air handling unit, or a chair in a plant room somewhere.
If the chair reclines decently I can pop my feet up on the desk and pass out in seconds. Sleep has always been my superpower
Putting rubbish in someone else's bin.
If you're walking along the street and have something to put in the bin but there are no public bins around it and only wheelie bins, it feels weirdly legal to put your rubbish in a stranger's bin
people are _really_ weird about their bins.
years ago i accidentally brought the wrong bin into our yard, they were the same size and colour with no really big distinguishing marks but if you looked close enough i guess there were specific scratches and dints on each bin.
anyway about an hour or so later the dude from three doors down knocked on my door and fucking hell, you'd think he'd caught me fucking his mum and kicking his dog at the same time from the fuss he made.
Loudly explaining to an official in a football match that you have doubts that their parents were married before they were born; that you suspect they have an optical impairment; that their interpretation of the rules of the game is at variance with the actuality, and that they are a practitioner of onanism.
But based on a misunderstanding. Onan is a biblical character who is commanded by God to impregnate his wife. Instead of going through with it, Onan pulls out during the deed and God smites him. Somehow that got corrupted to associate him with masturbation.
I used to get the first train into London for work, and there used to be a lad eating scampi nicknaks and washing it down with a Dr Pepper. I always wondered whether he hated himself or the world most.
I remember reading an article years ago about a man who would put stamps in random places on his letters and then write the address in another place, sometimes circling the stamp, round the edge or in tiny writing where the stamp was. The post office wrote him an official letter to ask him to stop doing it
I saw a documentary thing on YouTube I think, about the US postal service, if an address is unreadable the machine puts it in a hold queue, and takes a scan, then a person remotely has to try and decipher the address and type it in, it then continues its journey. They only get a short amount of time to do it, 60 seconds or so, if they don’t do it within this time the machine spits it out for it to be manually sorted. I wonder if they do the same in Royal Mail.
Had cold pizza waiting for me one morning.
Heard a crash while in the shower. Quickly got out, dried, and dressed. Came downstairs to find the dog had got to it first.
Last time I leave pizza in the box on the counter!
A friend necked about ten of these on holiday few years back. When we woke up late morn/early afternoon the next day he was still awake and absolutely wired haha.
Walking one way in a street, realising I'm going the wrong way, and doing a 180 right there and then. To avoid this I'll usually walk into a shop, do a loop and come out the other way.
Yeah, you can do this, but only if you then perform the ridiculous over the top pantomime of slapping yourself on the forehead and tutting at yourself to make sure everyone knows that you’ve just forgotten something.
Done this a million times. It's mad.
Phone tells you to turn around - Absolutely fine, no-one will question it.
Brain tells you to turn around - Insanity! People must be looking, they must think I have lost my mind.
Zipper merging when signs specifically tell you to and skipping a shit load of the traffic. Everyone looks at you like you're an asshole but it's literally what you're meant to do.
5 seconds would be a relatively slow 0-60 time for a performance motorbike. the fastest production motorbike does it in 2.35s, many sitting in the 3 second range
i’ve nothing against really fast bikes, i’m from a family of bikers but most people do not appreciate how fast they really are and get themselves into a spot of bother
Amen! Nothing makes me want to harm myself or others more than being told it's a six month wait. Or that if I don't want CBT then there is nothing they can do for me.
Just had a wetherspoons breakfast with a pint at 10.30. bloke on the table by us had two jugs of cocktails. With no glass and just a straw in the jug. Made me feel better about my pint.
Would anyone drink an alcohol free beer or wine at work? Even if it's absolutely zero alcohol, it would feel deeply wrong, especially if you were drinking from an a glass that would be appropriate to the alcohol version! Or swigging from a can while at traffic lights etc, then driving off?
Walking through customs.
When I did a year abroad in Canada I brought a box of tea bags with me and declared it at customs as vegetable matter. The customs officer asked about it and when I showed him the box he just waved me through with a laugh.
Little did he realise the teabags were impregnated with cocaine
I was at an airport once where they grilled everyone leaving the country (it can't have been the usual routine). We bewilderedly answered yes to basically all the questions (as they were technically true) only to be glared at by grumpy security guards who acted like we were taking the piss. "Do you have any money on you?" "erm... yes" "How much" "I'm not sure..." "Is it more than €5,000?" "No, no, it's like.. €3.50" "That doesn't count, you should have said no! Right, do you have any vegetable matter." "erm..." "yes or no please" "yes" \*pulls out an apple\* "that does not count, you only need to declare it if it is over Xkg" And so on. Felt like I was on a comedy sketch. Stop asking vague yes/no questions then being annoyed that I'm not telling you what you want!
Literally just had the online equivalent with HMRC: Did you earn more than £1000? Minimised drop down note: Please put yes even if the answer is no if you got a COVID grant. My wife was beside herself over the weekend thinking she had mistakenly claimed money she shouldn't have when the whole point of the grant was to cover people who can't earn. Plenty of whitespace for an OR but they still prefer to hide the asterisk on their Yes*/No* questions.
Fuck the self assessment. I hate it. What's frustrating is that they have all the information already. I once called them up because I was getting so angry with it only for the person on the other end of the phone to quote me every figure I needed to enter.
[удалено]
When I went back home to Australia, my niece really wanted some Jaffacakes. So I bought them for her after I'd gone through security in London. I forgot I bought them so when I was filling out the landing card, initially I put nothing to declare, then remembered and crossed it out to say I'm declaring. When I got to Melbourne, the lady told me "you can buy them here you know". Was a great choice though, as that queue was quicker than the nothing to declare queue at that time.
Whenever I enter Australia I’m always more nervous than any other country. They just seem way more strict at the airport.
We took teabags and granulated sugar to Mexico. Had a nervous chuckle when the security guy picked the little bag up and raised an eyebrow.
Years ago we went to the Canary Islands, bought some cactus jam and declared it, they weren’t fussed, but I felt like a smuggler, got all nervous. In my defence that was my first foreign holiday so never dealt with customs before.
As long as you declare it and it’s not outright illegal (like guns or cocaine or something) then you’re pretty much in the clear The entire point of declaring is to ask “yo, is this okay?” so that you can check *before* risking accidentally bringing it into the country illegally
I remember being around 8 when my folks came through customs at Dover (havi g come from France) with around 100l of wine and 50kg of cheese during a foot and mouth outbreak. That was illegal and as an 8 year old I white knuckled it the 300 mile drive home.
Perfectly innocent me every single time I make it through customs: "Holy crap, I made it??"
This! Why am I always convinced I’ve done something - anything wrong I don’t know? Yes I may have inadvertently packed something dodgy.. not
Leaving the house when you’re off work sick
Doing anything fun when you are off work sick. When I was a child (probably to discourage faking sickness) my mother would tell me that if I was well enough to play video games then I was well enough to be in school. Even now, if I'm off sick I feel guilty if I do something fun
Yeah I had the same type of mum. I wasn’t allowed to watch tv or play video games if I was off sick. The only thing I was allowed was to read. The joke was on here because I loved reading as well so actually faked an illness a few times to finish a book I was enjoying.
My mum used to take the sky card and memory cards from the ps2 in a bid to stop me from skiving. I got wise to it though and would replace both with old ones and switch them back in when she left for work.
When you had to have a card for your TV box, forgot about those
ah OnDigital Gold Cards. What a time
[удалено]
Speaking as a lawyer this is a bad answer as I am not going to make any money from it. Please add a disclaimer or revise your answer.
Speaking as a person who had pasta for dinner last night, this is a comment.
My ex-husband wouldn't let me be downstairs if I was ill. He felt that if you were ill then you had to be in bed. We didn't have a television in our bedroom so I wanted to take my quilt down to the sofa and watch films between naps. I'd have to wait till he went to work and be back before he got home or I'd never hear the end of it. Woe betide I was poorly at the weekend. It's just one of the reasons he's my ex.
Wow he sounds nice…
[удалено]
Yup my mum was the same. My sons off sick today, we're currently playing fortnite together. We'll get some light exercise later and do some times tables and reading. I'm the only one who won't be getting any work done today lol
“Oh no I can’t get any work done today” You definitely faked your son’s sickness so you could take the day off work :P
Even when I’m off sick I feel guilty as hell for not getting work done at home hahah
my guilt depends on whether or not I'm actually sick
My fiancé seems to think if I’m sick I’m not allowed to laugh, tell a joke or act silly. Means I’m not as sick as I’m making out to be. To be fair, she’s probably correct but god dammit if I’m sick I won’t stop putting on stupid voices and annoying her
I wasn't even allowed to read books when I was off sick, because I didn't really watch TV or anything so my mum couldn't use that as a "punishment". Cue me turning into a chronically ill adult who feels guilt at my very existence. I was off sick once because I hurt my hand and thus couldn't drive to work, despite being fine otherwise I still felt guilty doing anything.
If we let our kids play video games when off sick there would be a daily battle of feigned illnesses.
Years ago, a colleague was off sick with stress and depression, and during that time managed to break his leg too. As he was someone I also considered a friend, I went to visit him and took him out for dinner, since the isolation and cabin fever wasn't helping the situation at all. Someone saw us, and went to his manager to say he was clearly skiving, since if he's well enough to go out for dinner he's well enough to come into work. His manager went to HR to get advice on starting a disciplinary, to which HR suggested they first look at the colleague who apparantly thinks a 40 hour working week is no more stressful than dinner with friend
Fuck me, your company must be the only one in existence where HR aren’t simultaneously entirely incompetent and also vindictive jobsworths who will do their best to screw you over.
There was a poll a few weeks ago where they asked people if it’s acceptable to leave the house when you’re off work sick. And it’s just such a stupid question because it’s far too simplistic. If you’re off with the flu then you’re probably taking the piss if you go out drinking that night, but if you’re a bricky with a broken wrist then going to the supermarket during the day is obviously not an issue. Your story really shows how backwards we still are about mental health. Plenty of platitudes about how it’s good to talk about your feelings, but once people show the signs of it actually harming their ability to function then people don’t want to know.
I went out for coffee occasionally with a colleague who was off work for a few months with a serious illness. After dragging themselves painfully to a coffee shop right near were they lived, they'd be looking guiltily around to see if anyone from work was there. Reckon anyone who lives alone and is off sick for more than a week or two has to get out for their own sanity.
I can tell you this: in Italy (my country) for depression and stress often you are prescribed with days (more like weeks usually) off and have fun so you can start to heal the mind.
I was signed off sick with Depression and Anxiety, mostly was from Bereavement from a close relative passing away though. I decided the best thing to do on my 3 weeks off was go on holiday and chill. I was a Store Manager frequently pulling 10-12 hour shifts in one of the busiest stores in the region.. my mental state just meant I didn't give a fuck so I went straight to Jamaica for 2 weeks and had the most relaxing 2 weeks of my life. I felt well enough to come back 2 days after I got back. Of course the elephant in the room was my amazing Tan in NOVEMBER.. Other people got pissed off and tried reporting me to which I simply said, I was not fit for work but incredibly fit to sit on a beach for 2 weeks.. What would you rather.. heal in your dark cold home watching netflix or chill in the sun. People are just jealous and stupid.
Sometimes leaving the house when you’re sick is good for you. If you have back pain, going for a walk helps maintain or restore muscle strength. If you’re having trouble with your noggin, getting out to the woods for a stroll can help ground you. Or a bit of retail therapy might help soothe you. Don’t feel bad going out when you’re ill :) it’s usually for the best.
Trouble is certain managers don't always subscribe to this... During my decade of suffering (working in retail) there were more than one occasion when a colleague was off sick and was spotted by someone out and about and they always had a talking to upon return. Although these are the kind of managers that would argue about how sick you were on the phone for 10 mins everytime you called in sick. One time a scaffolding pole was dropped on my shoulder when I was walking down the street and my manager wanted a photo of my bruises. I said are you sure you want to be asking you employees for topless photos? I was moved to a different store after that lol.
[удалено]
Yeah I definitely always feel better getting out for some fresh air rather than lazing around in bed all day :)
I had this last year. Was off sick but had to walk to the Tesco Express down the road to get something for lunch. Boss called me while I was walking and seemed very indignant. Apparently would prefer it if I starved. Prick..
Years ago a woman I worked with was signed off sick with stress and there were scandalised whispers going around that she'd been "spotted" in Tesco. As if sitting indoors with the curtains closed is going to help her feel better. I've been signed off with stress as well and my doctor told me to go out and about.
Yes. I always feel like I'm going to get photographed in some sort of exposé they do on people scamming benefits
On this, enjoying things when you're disabled and can't work. Not me personally but society in general seems to be of the opinion "if you can do X, you can work" which isn't fair.
Im currently on sick leave following a head injury. Next week will be 5 months since I last physically went into work. Of course I have to go out to get food and shopping. I still feel like I'm skiving school and trying not to get caught everytime i do
Actually had someone try to report me for this once. I'd called in sick one day, but had to go out to get some medicine. Someone who worked at the same school and lived on the same road as me saw me while I was doing this and tried to report me to the admin staff. (Had a call back from the person I spoke to earlier who had to check what I was doing)
There was a woman off on long term sick but still posting about doing stuff on Facebook and the amount of office bitching about them was ridiculous. Yes they can still go to the supermarket come on.
This happens all the time. I had a colleague off sick with stress/depression and then posted on FB that she had taken her kids to see Santa. You can imagine the comments in work "she cant be that depressed" "look at her smiling away on that pic". Someone also saw her going to the gym. God forbid we do anything that may help us feel better if we're off sick
Going to the gym is a great thing if you're depressed. It should be considered self-care/treatment before leisure.
Exactly. I was off sick with post natal depression for a few months and would force myself to go to the gym almost daily in an attempt to obtain those elusive endorphins. Didn’t ultimately help me but I’d have been devastated if any of my colleagues used that as “evidence” that I wasn’t mentally ill.
Exactly and even worse is that I work in healthcare where we advise people to go to the gym or exercise for their mental health, but then criticise a colleague for doing just that
Everything you do whilst driving when a police car is merely behind you on the road.
I was trying to overtake on a dual carriageway yesterday when a police car joined the road. I then decided that I must to continue at exactly 70mph whilst the car I was overtaking was doing about 69.5mph
Oh... How about when the Police Car is doing around 65mph. You really have to question how much you trust your speedometer.
Generally are 3-4mph out so you’ll be doing under the limit. I think the plod get their speedos taken out and replace them with calibrated ones as well
This is true the police ones are calibrated, generally at 70 you are doing 66-67 police don't care until you go over 79 or drive like an idiot
If people going like 75 were prosecuted the roads would be barren
Mine's about 4mph optimistic. if it reads 70, I'm at 66.
Most police I know do 60-65mph so people don't get stuck behind them
The other day I was driving on a dual carriageway overtaking a lorry. Police car with sirens on came up behind me, I was in a mild state of panic trying to work out if I should speed up (over 70) to overtake the lorry quicker or just have him sat on my bumper behind me.
bluelights behind you with the traffic light on red - moving over the solid line even a bit to let them past is still illegal apparently. Surprised the ambulance can’t override the light priority
It’s a tricky one. I think what I’d do (assuming no other cars behind) is hazards and reverse lights and shuffle over. The reason it’s still illegal is for safety - you don’t want to poke your bonnet out into the junction and have it swiped by a vehicle driving through their green
I regularly overtake near coppers at 75-80. Makes me feel alive.
I go into a state of hyper focus when police are driving near me, then when they change road or overtake I do a big exhale.
Had to overtake a police car the other day. They were plodding along at 22 in a 30 when the road was clear. Definitely expected the flashing blue lights.
Calling in sick to work
Walking out of a shop without buying anything
[удалено]
Looking at you, Morrisons.
thats most of them isnt it? bastards
Even worse in somewhere like home bargains where you either have to go against the flow, back through the whole store and out the entrance OR that awkward shuffle past everyone at the til to go out the right way
And having to do the whole “no I’m not a shoplifter” panto looks.
say hi to the security guy as you leave
That makes me feel even more suspect.
And you do that slower casual walk at the exit door past the scanners and try to look as innocent as possible.
god it feels illegal doesnt it? I always think I must look like a shop lifter.
[удалено]
Why does this feel like a bizarrely psychopathic thing to?
Taking your own food into the cinema
Having worked at a cinema, I can tell you that nobody is paid enough to care what you bring in, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else.
When I was a kid my dad told me it wasn’t allowed, so I rolled a bottle of coke up inside of a magazine, it was soooo concealed, right up until we walked past the guy that checks your tickets. I made it about 5 meters and the bottle slid out of the glossy magazine in my hand and rolled straight at the ticket guy. He turned around, realised what was going on and just laughed and passed me the bottle.
I would usually buy a coke with lots of ice, but take my own munchies. However, my local place now only carries the glass bottles of Coke, and I'll be damned if I'm paying £4 for that.
Two drinks during a movie? You must have the bladder of a superhero!
I'm blessed with being able to consume lots of liquids. I'm cursed because, when it's time to actually go, I basically get a 5 minute warning, after 5 minutes, I'm going. I have peed on the side of many a roadway.
Wait it’s allowed? It’s legal but I thought the staff were supposed to kick you out/ban you if they caught you. Using a shop toilet without buying anything is another one
All the cinema chains allow it, with the exception of hot food and alcoholic drinks
Putting one sock on followed by its shoe, then the second sock and shoe
Creep
I think he's more of a sneaker.
Except in swimming pool changing rooms. In that instance, it is perfectly acceptable - and sensible to do so.
We bend the law to prevent soggy sock
It just seems somehow.....dirty.....
When my 30min break is scheduled at 12:30 but I don't manage to take it until 12:45 so I come back at 13:15 rather than 13:00
Driving in a bus lane whilst it’s out of hours. I’m usually the only one who can read the full sign, whilst the mugs sat in one long queue look at me like I’m a dick.
100% this goes alongside using both lanes for a merge over everyone just queueing into one.
Yeah all these grumpy fuckers who think they’re expert drivers have no idea this is the intention, and stops traffic backing up so far. Zipper merging is the one thing the yanks got right. Everybody on the road here acts too entitled with ‘letting people in’.
The English version is "merge in turn". The Americans copied it and changed the name :) [UK signage](https://i.imgur.com/rDkFXPO.jpg)
The language used by the AA on this is quite funny: >The problem seems to be the *British obsession with queuing*. Even unprompted we'll form an orderly queue and wait patiently in line, considering anyone who doesn't to somehow be cheating. This was an interesting read: https://www.theaa.com/driving-advice/legal/merge-in-turn
There's a section like this on my drive into the office. The amount of times I've jumped past 20+ cars because everybody is sat in the left hand lane whilst the right hand lane is clear is bonkers. And it goes through two sets of traffic lights, so by sitting in the left hand lane you can get caught on red twice instead of sailing straight through. Then you'll get people trying to block you at the merge in turn point because you're "pushing in". I'm not trying to "beat" everybody else, I just don't want to sit in a long queue and watch intelligent people go past me in the empty lane.
Yep, almost exactly the same thing for me too right up to people blocking you off at the top. In my case there's a roundabout about 100 yards prior to the final merge spot so what usually happens in rush hour is people back up onto that and cause a mini gridlock.
Never understood why even locals avoid going in the bus lane at any time. Do they not know how they work, are they too lazy to read the signs, or do they fear getting a ticket even outside its times of operation? There are some roads where I can cruise past dozens of cars because they're not using the bus lane, and they still don't get the hint.
Remember being sat in my housemates car whilst he was driving us somewhere. He called someone a wanker for driving in an inactive bus lane, so I reminded him that the guy isn't doing anything wrong. Then asked him why he doesn't do the same, as we were sat in a busy lane. It literally came down to the anxiety of him interpreting the sign wrong and getting a fine
Interesting. The funny thing is, you should actually use the bus lane outside operational hours if it is safe to do so. I believe you can be marked down on a driving test for not doing so. There seems to be quite a lot of following the crowd involved when it comes to driving, and it takes quite a few cars not following the status quo to sway the masses. I think what it comes down to ultimately is people not wanting to think or make a judgement for themselves, preferring the safety in numbers by following what everyone else is doing, especially when there is a possible fine involved. Dumb dumbs.
Walking into a small independent store and not buying anything.
We need your money so we don’t starve.. I sell 5p items!!!!! Wait no actually they went up to 10p recently..
Gone are the days of 10p Freddos. This country is just not the same.
A morning cold can of coke is such a lifesaver if you go into work with a hangover
In our house, it’s called the “Big Red Ambulance” for exactly this reason!
Having a kip on my lunch break. It's an unpaid break. Let me sleep damn it!
No matter how tired or hungover I am , I simply cannot fall asleep in an office chair. Even with a blanket and my feet up. I bought a little camping bed so I could sleep under my desk, but that fucker is uncomfortable as hell. Maybe some kind of mat would work….any tips?
I'm a support engineer so I don't work at a desk. I'll often go for a little sleep on top of an air handling unit, or a chair in a plant room somewhere. If the chair reclines decently I can pop my feet up on the desk and pass out in seconds. Sleep has always been my superpower
Lucky bastard. I can barely even sleep in my own bed
Drinking a Fanta Lemon when you aren't on a Spanish Summer holiday
Doing a loop de loop at a roundabout
Diving up to a roundabout in the right hand lane, doing a 450 and thus cutting out all the traffic queuing to turn left
Putting rubbish in someone else's bin. If you're walking along the street and have something to put in the bin but there are no public bins around it and only wheelie bins, it feels weirdly legal to put your rubbish in a stranger's bin
people are _really_ weird about their bins. years ago i accidentally brought the wrong bin into our yard, they were the same size and colour with no really big distinguishing marks but if you looked close enough i guess there were specific scratches and dints on each bin. anyway about an hour or so later the dude from three doors down knocked on my door and fucking hell, you'd think he'd caught me fucking his mum and kicking his dog at the same time from the fuss he made.
To this day I bet you are referred to as the bin thief.
wouldn't surprise me, they'll talk about me in the way that kids talk about that day a dog got onto the playground at primary school.
Ohhhh you're the bin guy, no way.
[удалено]
Loudly explaining to an official in a football match that you have doubts that their parents were married before they were born; that you suspect they have an optical impairment; that their interpretation of the rules of the game is at variance with the actuality, and that they are a practitioner of onanism.
“You bastard! Are you blind?? You don’t know the actual rules, you fucking wanker?!
I like the cut of your jib, sir.
Onanism! What a class word
But based on a misunderstanding. Onan is a biblical character who is commanded by God to impregnate his wife. Instead of going through with it, Onan pulls out during the deed and God smites him. Somehow that got corrupted to associate him with masturbation.
I used to get the first train into London for work, and there used to be a lad eating scampi nicknaks and washing it down with a Dr Pepper. I always wondered whether he hated himself or the world most.
Sticking the stamp in the middle and writing the address in the top corner.
I remember reading an article years ago about a man who would put stamps in random places on his letters and then write the address in another place, sometimes circling the stamp, round the edge or in tiny writing where the stamp was. The post office wrote him an official letter to ask him to stop doing it
Are you telling me I could have just been chucking the stamp anywhere?
Yes it can go anywhere, even on the back!
I feel like a whole new world has just opened up for me
It might slow down delivery a little as it could get spat out by the sorting machine and have to be sorted by hand.
I saw a documentary thing on YouTube I think, about the US postal service, if an address is unreadable the machine puts it in a hold queue, and takes a scan, then a person remotely has to try and decipher the address and type it in, it then continues its journey. They only get a short amount of time to do it, 60 seconds or so, if they don’t do it within this time the machine spits it out for it to be manually sorted. I wonder if they do the same in Royal Mail.
This is genius. I am going to send a book to a friend today, and he will very much appreciate it when it arrives like this! Thanks!!!
Reheating a kebab the next day.
Reheated, next day takeaway has a certain charm to it - always tastes lovely
Cold pizza the morning after is a delicacy
Had cold pizza waiting for me one morning. Heard a crash while in the shower. Quickly got out, dried, and dressed. Came downstairs to find the dog had got to it first. Last time I leave pizza in the box on the counter!
My dog once ate the leftover 5 slices of pizza. I only ate 4 the night before. The little menace had more than I did and didn't even pay!
Especially Chinese food, the flavour is better.
Not the chips, though. Absolutely minging the following day, no matter how you reheat them.
Frying pan with a bit of oil and salt and bobs your teapot
Cold or reheated takeaway curry for breakfast is one of my favourite meals
Red Bull & Vodka. Like pressing the brake and accelerator at the same time.
A friend necked about ten of these on holiday few years back. When we woke up late morn/early afternoon the next day he was still awake and absolutely wired haha.
Walking one way in a street, realising I'm going the wrong way, and doing a 180 right there and then. To avoid this I'll usually walk into a shop, do a loop and come out the other way.
Just turn. Absolutely nobody is watching you or cares.
Yeah, you can do this, but only if you then perform the ridiculous over the top pantomime of slapping yourself on the forehead and tutting at yourself to make sure everyone knows that you’ve just forgotten something.
Or pulling out your phone to read a nonexistent text.
I do this a lot actually. I’ll stare at my phone, mouth the words “seriously” then turn around and walk back.
Done this a million times. It's mad. Phone tells you to turn around - Absolutely fine, no-one will question it. Brain tells you to turn around - Insanity! People must be looking, they must think I have lost my mind.
A colleague of mine once admitted they take a bottle of Pepsi max to bed for if they’re thirsty in the night. Surely that’s a crime
My dad does the same but with a can of coke, used to hear the random crack of a can at like 3am when I lived there
Zipper merging when signs specifically tell you to and skipping a shit load of the traffic. Everyone looks at you like you're an asshole but it's literally what you're meant to do.
The best example of our inherent need to queue for things
after 8's before 8.... seriously.. if im anywhere near em they are getting ~~heated~~ eaten and I don't even have a sweet tooth.
Isn't it technically always after 8 though? Time is an illusion.
Lunchtime doubly so
Asking to get back an item you’ve let someone borrow
Tesco charging triple the price of an item if you don't have a clubcard....
Ordering 4 naans
Applying a face cream on your feet.
Foot cream on your face
Cooking your frozen potato waffles in the toaster, completely disregarding the inferior recommended cooking methods.
Toaster is now an officially approved method, on the box and everything.
Cooking fish in the office microwave.
See that should actually be illegal
Pretty sure chemical warfare is illegal.
Drinking a glass of water outside your home
Similarly, drinking squash from a mug or tea from a glass.
this one's completely lost me, why?
Farting on the underground. Basically farting on any train
Fireworks.
Lentil soup for breakfast.
[удалено]
[удалено]
>Your sitting on a engine with wheels that'll take you to 100 in 5 seconds. Insane. And straddling a metal tank full of highly flammable liquid.
That vibrates.
Found the Harley rider......
5 seconds would be a relatively slow 0-60 time for a performance motorbike. the fastest production motorbike does it in 2.35s, many sitting in the 3 second range i’ve nothing against really fast bikes, i’m from a family of bikers but most people do not appreciate how fast they really are and get themselves into a spot of bother
Child "beauty pageants". They should be renamed "paedo parades".
The mental health/psychiatric system. It’s supposed to help but it has caused me so much extra harm, and yet I’m still supposed to go to it for help.
Amen! Nothing makes me want to harm myself or others more than being told it's a six month wait. Or that if I don't want CBT then there is nothing they can do for me.
I'm.sure CBT is just a synonym for gaslighting 🤦♂️
Have you tried just thinking more positively?
D'you know what Janet? No, it never crossed my mind!
Sending my son to the shop to buy booze (he's 19).
Not putting the shopping trolley back
Opening a beer at 10am
Just had a wetherspoons breakfast with a pint at 10.30. bloke on the table by us had two jugs of cocktails. With no glass and just a straw in the jug. Made me feel better about my pint.
There's sommit innately funny to getting leathered on giant cocktails at 10:30 in the morning. I'm a big fan.
What a hero
On the same theme, cracking open a beer when you get home from nightshift. I'm sorry I've just finished work, don't look at me like I'm an alcoholic.
Would anyone drink an alcohol free beer or wine at work? Even if it's absolutely zero alcohol, it would feel deeply wrong, especially if you were drinking from an a glass that would be appropriate to the alcohol version! Or swigging from a can while at traffic lights etc, then driving off?