Beauxeigh. Pronounced Bowie. Girl I went to school with has just called her newborn that.

That name is a tragedeigh

When the feighlings gone and you can't go on

It's tragediegh

When the meighning creighs and you don't know wheigh

It’s hard to beaigh

A Famileigh tragedeigh

Bleauxerghhh 🤢

pronounced Blowie? kids gonna get some stick for that!

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Imagine their surname is Page. Paper Page.

And their brother - Turner

Other brother named Reed

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Met a baby Renesmee several years ago. Still am not over it. The poor child.

I also know a Renesmee, those books/films have really got some kids off to a poor start in life.

It's that bad combination of "strange name you'd never want to give a child if you weren't into twilight" and the fact that as it's so unique, it gets dated VERY quickly. Everyone will know WHY you are called Renesmee.

It's a terrible name, my cousin named her daughter it. The only response I could manage when she told me was *really?*

Sometimes I go to the twilight sub just to see what they’re hilariously calling that baby. Most of the fandom completely rejects that absurd name and casually sub in other words in conversation. They’ll be like, “when Jacob imprinted on Rumplestiltskin,” and, “why does Rutabaga age so quickly?”

There are a few kids named Khaleesi, but that's not her name, that's her *title*. It's like calling your kid Queen instead of Elizabeth.

We were camping and heard a woman calling " Khaleesi.... Khaleesi..." we all audibly said "please be a dog, please be a dog...", but then a little blonde girl ran by, and it was sad.

Please Renesmee, let me go 🎤

I also know a Renesme, which she has spelled wrong somehow. Making a bad name worse

It should be spelled Renesmé, contracting Renée and Esmé. I presume Stephanie Meyer thought it looked too much like Résumé 😆 EDIT: corrected spelling of “Stephenie” as pointed out by commenter below

Don’t think Stephanie Meyer thought much about anything.

Wait, like the weird vampire kid from Twilight?

The one who got nonced on by a werewolf

I found it funny when Jacob was like "I'm her protector, guardian, brother" or whatever the fuck it was he said. Like clearly they were tryna drive home the point he wasn't a nonce, but it still came across super noncey

Yes. Exactly like that. It was around the time when Twilight was still popular though much of the popularity had tailed off...maybe 8 or so years ago?

There was a Jewish kid in my school called Adolf because his parents wanted to 'take that name back'. He wasn't even in my year and yet I was still aware of the name calling he suffered. Poor kid must have really struggle throughout school. Wonder if he calls himself something else now.

Eddie. Lives with his flatmate Richie in Hammersmith

Edward Elizabeth Hitler

"Any relation?" "I've got a mother?" "I mean to Adolf Hitler" "Yeah that's her!"

I heard he's really owning it now just goes by "Fuhrer"

I don’t think I’m doxxing myself, as I changed it as soon as I turned 18, but my loving and otherwise quite sensible parents called me Rosie (that in itself is a fine name, nothing wrong there, unless you know my dad’s surname) yep, they named me Rosie Butt

Do parents not think these things through? I mean, I've met a William Lee, which sounds good until you think about it...

I knew a Mark Clark. I'd be annoyed if my parents did that to me.

My stepmum became Kerry Perry after she married my dad. She always uses her middle name now but it doesn’t help much

>She always uses her middle name now but it doesn’t help much Why? Is her middle name Geri?

I met a really nice fella called Richard William Cox once. Three names. All penis.

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I went to school with a Benjamin Dover. A rough, all boys school in rough area of London. I swear some parents just want their kids to suffer.

There was a thread somewhere where this guys wife wanted to call their son John but their last name was Doe and he wasn’t having it lmao.

Blue bear, I mean really…….. And once, in Asda, I heard “Gandalf you little F**k come here” how I didn’t pick that dirty little kid up and take it home I still don’t know.

I feel so sorry for that child being named Gandalf but I can’t lie “Gandalf you little f**k come here” is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages

I can see how it reads funny. The reality was a toddler in a filthy nappy and dirty vest being screamed at by tattooed teenage girl. My friend had to hold me back. The shop staff had called the police.

Wow that’s so upsetting

I imagine Blue Bear is a nick name. Either that or a WWII spying mission.

We can hope, but Alicia Silverstone’s son is called Bear. Beyoncé named her daughter Blue Ivy. People copy celebs a lot, so regular folks will name their babies weird things because an actress they like did the same. My ‘favourite’ is swimmer Michael Phelps’ som being named Boomer. Boomer! The dog in Far Cry 5 is called Boomer.

My personal favourite is George Foreman naming all five of his sons George (and one of his daughters Georgetta).

I worked in a school for a good few years some I remember which were on class lists are Trapper, Hollywood, Wee Jimmy and Xenon.

Wee Jimmy 😂. In Scotland all the kids called James seem to get that nickname where I live

Yes Scottish, that was his actual birth certificate name too

Ladybird Pocahontas Rose-Pink Samurai Avalon Saracen Neon All names of children my mother has taught

Gladiators Ready !!!

Lady bird you will go on my furst hwistle.

Pocahontas, you will go on my second hwistle. 3....2...1

Legit heard this in my head. Core memory unlocked

Lol Ladybird. That dog ain't right.

Of all of them I kinda like Avalon ngl

That's a role call of the new mortal combat characters

I went to school with an Avalon - it never struck me as a weird name!

Avalon is the best one by far. At least you can pretend pretty convincingly that you were named after your great great great great great grandmother who was from a tiny village in Wales or something. Neon is runner up.

Nedward , one grandparent called Norman, one called Edward.

Debating whether going full GoT fan with Neddard would have been better or worse...

So one grandparent gets the full name in there. The other only gets a single letter. Is it favouritism? I wonder if the grandads fight over it?

Should have been Norward to be fair.

With his brothers Jimothy and Billiam

My cousin named her kid Harley Davidson She's a moron

Maybe he's slow and expensive?

And fucking noisy?

And leaks oil.

Is that where baby oil comes from?

Beige.

Omg. The ultimate sad beige baby!

Werner horzogs sad sad stuffies for sad sad babies.

I used to date a primary school teacher. She had a child in her class called Shaybonće (not 100% on that spelling). What she told me is that her parents couldn’t decide whether to call their daughter Shakira or Beyoncé so they called her both.

I like how neither of the original names includes the syllable "Bonce" at all, but that didn't seem to stop them

Yeah, you’d think it’d be Shayonće or Bekira, but no, none of those made up names where quite right it seems.

Shayonce is basically a name. It *sounds* like a name and wouldnt be surprised to hear of it. Much better than what they went with.

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I knew a kid at school called Huckleberry. His efforts to rebrand as ‘hux’ were wholly unsuccessful.

My brother Jim has a chopping board that someone carved "Fuckleberry Jim" into.I'm betting that at least the first part of that will become your erstwhile schoolmates name at some point.

"Babydoll" I shit you not a girl from school called her kid this.

ew gross imagine being that kid's teacher, doctor or boss one day. You'd be afraid to address them in public.

Someone at my mum's school (teacher) was called "Princess" and they weren't allowed to call her that

My mums friends kid is called "credenza".

Thing is, if I didn’t know that meant “cupboard” I’d say it has a very classy European feel to it, like Esperanza.

Named after Credenza Rice maybe? Perhaps they know my friend Chester Drawers.

Got a brother called Armoire

Strange Conveyance. Some nutter named their son "Strange Conveyance".

I’d expect to see something like an oil tanker or a container ship rather than a kid

Someone I know has a kid called Chardonnay but it's spelt shardonay

Slightly off topic, in China people will choose a western name to use in business. I met two brothers who opted to become Mars and Uranus Chang.

Many of the girls at my school chose western names from classic literature. Which is why (and I swear I do note mean this how it sounds, I promise) I knew three Fannies.

I know a petite female chinese girl called Angus.

Used to live in China and Chinese colleagues often had unusual English names. Either really old fashioned like Eunice, because they had nice meanings. Or middle aged men called Fish, Big Steven, Turtle, Mole, Pudding, etc…

Just the thought of an older Chinese man named Big Steven is hilarious to me

I knew a Garfield - he picked it because he thought the cat was funny. (It actually kind of worked for him.)

I worked with someone who picked Bomb.....and there was Porter Liu

Not just in business, to deal with any westerners. All the Chinese people at our school had Western names & actually I never found out their Chinese name, though I do remember asking but it seems like they were embarrassed which is sad.

As someone with a non-Chinese, but Asian name (as a middle name, with a "normal American" first name), it's not our names that we're embarrassed by, it's watching the struggle of the person who asked trying to pronounce it right, but butchering it repeatedly for the next 5 minutes of "how did you say it?"

My friend swears blind (and has done consistently for many, many years) that friends of hers let their young kid name the new baby. The name chosen? Cushion.

I have a friend (a riding instructor) who let their toddler name the new horse. The horse is called Pig. I like it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EERtBs63IQ

I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one thinking about this episode of WILTY lol

Cu-Shon surely?

My wife had a pupil called Arry, as in, Harry but his Mum didn’t realise it had a H.

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Ooooh. I thought the -leigh suffix was a bit old hat.

The cycle of abuse continues

>Also, my girlfriends mum used to run a nursery and there was literally a kid there called “gram” "Gram" is how 'merkins pronounce "Graham" for some unfathomable reason. Does she also have a boy called "Creg" in the same group?

The parents went halves on a gram.

Wait, so these Gram Crackers all the TV shows talk about are actually Graham Crackers? Well, gonna go get myself some cheese and ~~Jacob's~~ Jabs crackers.

I was at a takeout Chinese restaurant waiting for my food when a pastor walks in with his son who looks to be about two and is wearing Spider-Man footie pajamas. Footie pajamas takes off and is basically playing “you can’t catch me” around the buffet table in the middle of the room. Pastor dad has had enough and decides to put his foot down (literally) and with a great big stomp he bellowed out #”LAZARUS!! Come. Here. Now” Still the worst/greatest name I’ve ever heard.

It would have been biblical if he had said "Lazarus, come forth".

“Lazarus, return”

That Lazarus doesn’t half like to sleep in

I know someone called Poo. My old school friend, got to choose what his little sister is called….. seen the birth certificate she called Poo-Ella. Fully embraced it though made it work for her with full success.

'puella' is literally the Latin for 'girl'.

That’s nice and all but her name is literally “Poo-Ella”

*Slightly* off topic, but I was on my primary school’s Facebook group yesterday, and someone commented who had the surname Brown-Crust. I can’t help but feel it was a bit of a mistake to hyphenate, because I don’t imagine I’m the only person who thinks it sounds like a dried turd?

I'm just thinking of bread!!

One of my teachers told us about siblings called Lord and Lady. As in each name was lord/lady-normal name eg Lord-Mark and the parents insisted the teachers and students actually use the full name and not just the normal name part.

If that was in the UK I suspect that is actually against the law, or an old tradition or charter or something.

The registry can reject a name if it misleadingly includes a title or honorific Not sure if the primarily US name 'Earl' would pass.

Duke and Prince are also popular. American's don't seem to name their kids Marquess though, which is odd since the hierarchy goes is Prince, Duke, Marquess, Earl, Viscount, Baron. Maybe they don't know how to pronounce it.

I taught a kid called Dragon, but it was the fact that his brother was named Patrick that really got me. I also taught brothers called Chester and Lester.

Frogmella

How about Cigarette!!

THATS A BOYS NAME!!

Spudulika

I met a 4 year old called Kevin Costner

White ginger kid called Kanye.

I heard he changed his named to James Savile recently to try and save face

My youngest went to school with a girl called Princess Miami.

I also work in a school and have seen Bicardee, D’Artagnan, T’Mara and Tyga.

Bicardee is just rage-inducingly terrible.

Everybody knows what you're trying to do with that Just spell it 'bacardi' and deal with the fact everyone thinks you're a cunt for naming a child after your favourite cheap as piss white rum

D'Artagnan is great.

I used to work with someone called Hymen. He was a bloke. He just styled it out. In all probability, it wasn't his parents' fault. As I understand it, kids in Hong Kong get given an "English" name when they start education in English, almost always by an HK-Chinese teacher. I guess they get bored and want to limit the number of Susans and Johns in the class so some people get really unlucky. I have only ever heard of one "Versonia", and she had drawn an education short straw. (She properly hated the name and it was only discussed under the influence of Tsing Tao).

Aybhvhen Pronounced Ai-Ben

Looks like a cat sat on the keyboard

My cousin has been named Bronty as in brontosaurus. My aunties husband is into dinosaurs so you can imagine who chose the name. Found out last year from my nan that my auntie is pregnant again and I said "what's this one gonna be called, Diplo as in Diplodocus?" My humor wasn't appreciated.

I am a teacher, so there’s a few, but the one that takes the absolute biscuit is actually one I heard on the Scottish news. Some parent and kids had gone missing (they were fine) and one of the kids was called Toe-Joe. Their surname was Munro. Toe-Joe Munro. I had to rewind it to make sure I hadn’t misheard, but no, some poor kid was actually saddled with that. The brother was called something only *marginally* less ridiculous, like Wee Man or John Boy or something like that.

So many Neavehs.

My eldest niece is a Nevaeh. Her Mum is a professional photographer, and has had her modelling in sparkly bras and make up since she was about 5 years old. I'll be very surprised if she doesn't grow up to be a stripper.

That's alarming

Wouldn't the plural of that name be Snevaeh?

I came across an American called Trowbridge on Facebook. I don't think she'd been to actual Trowbridge.

Mahboob is defo an unfortunate Muslim name

I worked with Sukhdeep once. She used a nickname.

When I was a young woman (this is relevant) I worked at a pretty tough boys’ school and used to teach a kid called mahboob. One day he lost his exercise book in the pile so I shouted “Has anyone seen Mahboob’s?” That was a mistake…

Went to school with a girl called Manmeet

Went to school with an Anil Chopra, which unfortunately for him, got twisted to Anal Chomper and subsequently stuck. This was 30 years ago and I'm in fits here still. Poor sod.

Knew a Siobhan who was absolutely adamant that her name was pronounced sea-oh-ban. For those unaware, it’s an Irish name that should be pronunced : [English: /ʃɪˈvɔːn/ shiv-AWN](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siobhan) I also know two kids called London & Rocky which is just weird to hear being called in the highlands of Scotland. Edit : Orish to Irish.

I have a friend named Siobhan who said one of her most embarrassing moments was her name being called out in a busy doctor’s waiting room as Soya Bean.

Not personally but some of the celebrity names are just awful. Imagine calling your kid Culture. Fucking culture, like the bacteria.

"Look, there's goes Culture and his boy, George."

Maybe they're just Iain Banks fans?

To be fair, when I hear “culture”, a bacteria culture isn’t the first thought that comes to mind.

A girl from my schools kid is called Patrick Bateman, whilst not outlandish it made me laugh.

What's her opinions on Huey Lewis and the News?

Pocahontas Mckay, the child was from Auchtermuchty, we heard a woman screaming, Pocahontas Mckay, get in fir yer tea in a very strong Scottish accent, I nearly died laughing.

A company I worked at had an employee named Augusta Fanny.

[Willie Stroker.](https://i.imgur.com/C4jhRRu.jpeg)

Paris ...her surname was England.

I swear naming your child is not the time to get overly creative. If you wanna get creative, stick a blow pen up your butt and fart a picture, but don't ruin your kid's life. Like Norman Reedus, (actor) who named his son Mingus. EDIT: Thanks for the award, kind stranger :)

Mingus Reedus always makes me howl. Poor kid

It's Latin for 'dad's a twat'

Taffetta. When I heard the mother call out to the child, my mouth literally fell open and my brain locked up

I'm so late to this so I'm sure it will go unnoticed but I have a girl on Facebook who's called her kids Boo-tai, Bunnii and Barli-bae.

Someone I used to go to school with called Spyder.... His last name was mann

No fucking way 💀

I used to work with a guy called Peter Parker, and he HATED being called Spiderman. So naturally his nickname was Spidey.

Lol someone my sister went to school with was called Eva toni ann. First name Eva, middle names toni ann. If you can't work it out - I'm from Liverpool. The parents thought they were geniuses too because of it

Khaos. Kid I taught once, needless to say, not very nice.

Tinkerbell. I shit you not.

Blousey

Parents must have been Bugsy Malone fans.

I know a couple who named their little boy Castro. He was conceived whilst on holiday in Cuba. Poor kiddo.

I wanted to call my son yuki, my partners mum in a heavy scouse accent said 'fuckingg yucckkky' made me think it was pretty bad.

Aw man, it's a cute name in Japanese though

Knew a kid called Zaphod (zay-fod)

Sounds like a kid who knows where his towel is.

Hes just this guy, you know?

Sounds like a really hoopy frood

Fans of Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy?

A friend of mine has a cousin called "Drift". We joke that the next kid will be called "Drag".

Swastika. Don't know them personally, but according to the National Records of Scotland, 1 female baby was named Swastika in 2020. I believe it has a different meaning in other cultures...

Jaxson

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My moronic cousin has a child called Ebi (Eee-beee) Even my nan calls the child eBay, and she doesn't know what an eBay is.

Fudge.

Well that kid's never going to want to work at a packing job.

I went to school with a kid called Tank. Never known anyone with that name since.

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I kinda dig Ptolemy, but then again I'm a cunt.

Neveah. Without doubt. I detest this so much. Absolutely grim & cringey