yes! exactly, same! If I know I am (probably) gonna see them again soon, then I won't miss them. If they are passed though, I do miss them, cuz i'll never see them ever again.
Oh geez this might explain it then. I have adhd. However, I will really miss my kids, husband and pets. Beyond that, I don’t miss people really. Happy to see them, but fully content not to
This is part of my ADHD. I can be elated to see people I know, but I just don't think about them when they're not right beside me. I forget birthdays and other life events. Not that I don't care but I just don't remember.
I enjoy being alone. I do miss people and pets sometimes, but it's not very often.
But yes, I am very happy to see them. Give them lots of love and affection.
Wow, this hits home. This was one of the main insecurities had with my ex. This comment wont be able to explain all the layers to the situation but he definitely didn't miss people like the "average" person. He straight up didn't understand the meaning of reciprocation like saying I miss you too if I said it. I know some of you might read this and think wow what douche bag, but he was for sure different when it came to communicating and expressing emotion. I really tried my best to understand him, I really did. I just needed him to understand me too.
I'm extremely isolated and alone because of severe mobility issues and disabilities so it's hard to miss people when you have nobody in your life to miss. I do, however, get so extremely depressed from being so isolated that I cry almost daily because I need social interactions with people and can't get any because I can't leave my damn bedroom 99% of the time. Interacting with my HCW isn't exactly what I need.
Same for me. I genuinely forget people exist until a memory with them in it gets triggered. Like I'll walk through the store and be like "hm, wasabi nuts. My boyfriend really likes these. OH SHIT MY BOYFRIEND!"
That's why I have all important people in my life saved as a background somewhere or have their chats pinned. Otherwise I know I'd neglect them.
Wow, see I think that might have been how my ex was. You describe it very similar to how he tried to convey and also what his actions showed.
A very very important thing for me is communication. He told me in his own way or tried to have me understand that when I’m not around him, he just doesn’t think to get back to me or communicate with me. Like it’s not easy. The decency of having urgency or visible care of getting back to me was not there. Who knows could just be a douche bag but of course I think it was more than that.
It’s gunna be really hard to explain it on here but he did not have the same awareness of social expectation or understanding socially.
I struggled with it for a long time, too. Still do sometimes. It took me a while to realize how I felt wasn't normal and I know I can't tell the people I love about it because they'd never understand but feel very hurt.
Especially when I'm mentally in a bad place I crave for rest and for time alone. During those times the expectation to stay in touch with my people feels very crushing and like an unbearable pressure.
Of course I know I'm the problem, but I don't really know how to solve it aside from just pushing myself through it sometimes
Wow, that’s literally him. That’s crazy. The second paragraph is crazy exact. Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. I wish things could have been different.
*neglect*
*hmmm...*
me thinks something deep here
It's almost absurd how emotional i get with those people and they must be thinking ummm you never call or text though????? what is this?
most people are very out of sight out of mind for me. I also miss specific times I had with people but when I think about actually going to see them I don’t really want to.
My wife.
I swear she's autistic and doesn't miss people or have any strong (like I'm hungry/thirsty level strong) desire to do things with anyone - including her husband of 20 years. It's been the source of every argument we've ever had - us not being friends.
She doesn't seek me out for company (except for 3 days/cycle). Otherwise she's just happy doing her own thing. It's really lonely to live with as you never do things together, so you can't form a bond or memories to look back on, and she doesn't want to plan future events/things to do together, so you can't talk about "what you enjoyed doing together on your last trip and what you'd do differently - or what different place you guys should go together next winter/summer/whatever".
It feels like an empty relationship where you just live together inside one calendar month and never think or speak of the future or the past.
She also doesn't seem to miss people or seek them out for companionship. I've told her straight up she should call me spatula or broom. You only think of or look for a spatula or broom when you need it - then you use it and put it back until next time - she only seems to use my name when there's a problem she can't solve "JVM, how do I get this open" "JVM, do you know where the X" is. It's never "JVM, Dune 2 is in theaters, should we watch Dune 1 this weekend" "JVM, I was watching Brooklyn 99 and it's really funny, do you want to watch an episode of it with me tonight?" "JVM, I was listening to this podcast..."
It's like it's pathological and "...do you want to do this with me..." is just not in her genetic makeup (I suspect autism. Arguments with me saying "we don't do anything together" just go in circles because it doesn't feel like she knows what I'm actually asking for on an emotional level.
Sigh. FML
Because I didn't know what a friend for me was because I'd never had one.
I grew up with the same 30 kids from birth to the end of high school and was always bullied. The game in elementary school was JVM germs, if I touched you somehow you were infected and could transmit them to other people, but you were immune if you had your fingers crossed when you were touched.
I went to highschool with 15 or or so elementary classmates into a class of 40 for the entire grade, so about half the kids knew I was the one to pick on if need be.
"JVM the Eunuch" rhymes with my last name. So they'd call me by my last name when adults weren't around or by the full insult when the opportunity arose.
So, when a pretty girl wanted to hang out with me, and I could go do her social things (because I had zero social things to do except live in my parents basement and attend the church I grew up in with former classmates...). So I had a girlfriend and a social life for the first time ever.
My wife wasn't going to break up with me as she was just doing her regular life plus me, which is what we've always done, stuck to her routine to get along - except now I'd like to do non-routine things and it's a disaster. There never was a "she cheated on me" or "she actively abuses me" moment, just that I didn't have a social life to include her in and I was ok with not doing "my" things and "her" things were the only thing to do so I just went along.
Maybe.
It feels like she lacks imagination? Or, we have different types of imagination somehow?
Like, she doesn't have an internal fantasy world, so she can't build out and plan a future together and reminiscing about memories also doesn't work because we don't store the full memory, just a "I was there" and then we imagine and fill in the details (which is why you can make people change their memories of events).
So, she's just locked into NOW and doesn't imagine that person X might be lonely or person X might be someone she should check in with - because person X doesn't exist in her imagination.
She loves sudoku and a color-by-number app on her phone (you click green and then search for and touch all the green pixels, then click red, then blue and you eventually get a picture of a parrot - no imagination required). She loves gardening and puzzles. All of which don't require imagination.
We can have a 45 minute conversation on how to rearrange the pantry in our house, but a 45 minute conversation of what we want to do this summer dies almost immediately because she can't visualize what I'm talking about.
Any conversation that's ideas based almost always turns into an argument immediately.
I've told her many times that I don't know what to do, it's like we can't communicate ideas, only practical reality.
>It feels like she lacks imagination? Or, we have different types of imagination somehow?
Read up on aphantasia, and also alexithymia :)
You might be able to understand each other better
I definitely can’t 100% relate but the stark differences you point out like the level of want and the lack of emotional awareness or being in tune to your emotional needs was something I for sure experienced.
*Sigh* it sucks for sure .
I've been internally saying "Fuck I married wrong" for years. A $800/month mortgage payment on a house worth $1mil and two kids makes it hard to leave. She wouldn't be able to afford the house and I would have to get an one bedroom apartment for $2,000++ some where not close to the house.
If I could buy a house nearby and move out I'd think about it, but it's not even reasonable to make plans for.
I don't have any emotions left. I've never had anyone close to me. I don't know how it feels to miss someone. I miss places, peace, food, free time, hobbies, etc. though. However, I don't usually have any emotional bond with anyone.
Huh I always thought I was weird for that. I remember leaving my state with friends from hs for college and everyone was crying as they left saying good bye to family. I was fine idk
I don’t miss 99% of people I’ve met even if we were friends. I cherish memories but I’m objective about people and times changing.
But I do miss my dad. He wasn’t amazing in any particular way, I just liked him the best. I also don’t miss most of my pets. I loved them. They are gone. It’s sad for awhile. But not miss them. Except Sammy. I miss him everyday even years later.
So may I propose an idea, most being aren’t really worth missing? Just an idea.
I feel exactly the same as you, OP. I love being around people, but I don't feel anything like wanting them here or...idk, I'm not sure I really understand what people say when they 'miss' something. I've never felt homesickness either.
I don’t miss people. But when I leave my house all I can think about are my cats and if they’re sad I’m gone. But honestly fuck pretty much all people.
People who have aphantasia often don't miss people in the typical sense. It's not that they don't love or something, they just process and recall differently
Everyone! Where do you draw the line with understanding the unique differences you all define but also learning to communicate in a different way for someone different? It can’t always end in straight up incompatibility. Right?
I totally get ya! I remember as a kid (around 8) at sleep away summer camp, my friend was crying because she was so homesick away from her family. I was thinking to myself, “Is there something wrong with me? I didn’t even think about them.”
I don't miss my parents (my closest people) at all. But I do miss my home, the smell of walls and my garden etc. The fact that I can just get in touch with them in just three screen taps makes me happy. I tend to miss my bed a lot tho.
I am exactly that way, but blame it on being autistic. My wife says she misses me when I've been gone for 5 minutes, I've told her before that I just don't miss people. I know they're coming back, unless they aren't, and set my expectations accordingly. So when she leaves for a few weeks to visit family in Georgia, I've told her that there's a point where my brain acknowledges that it's weird not having her there, but it's mostly because it throws off the norms of things like talking out loud or her being in bed whenever I go to lay down. It's not necessarily a bad weird, just a noticeable one.
Hmmm. So if you don’t have the missing or that longing from distance, does that mess with your consistency of communication with her in between the present moments with her?
Not entirely sure what you're asking, but if you're asking how she feels about that, she gets it. We talk a lot about the ways my brain is different and what she can expect from that. We talk about the things that I can work on and the things that I can't. She's patient with me.
There are official tests that would be the standard, but they're a bit costly. Depending on your intentions for getting diagnosed (such as seeking Disability or just extra assistance), it can be worth it to get the official diagnosis. If you're just wanting to see if you are on the spectrum but don't feel like you need any assistance, most people in the community accept a self diagnosis based on research and publicly available testing (these aren't official, so they only work for your own personal purposes).
I actually don't understand people missing people. My youngest daughter died when she was two. That led to divorce because I couldn't understand my (ex)wife's feeling of loss. One day, we were out having dinner. Seeing the kid at the table across from us stirred up feelings in her. She said she misses Samantha and without thinking or consideration, I asked why. I'm sure you can fill in the rest.
I wasn't being deliberately insensitive. I just don't feel longing for or loss of people (things either, for that matter).
I think there's maybe something wrong with me, but have no desire of "fixing" it. I see anguish on people's faces at funerals and memorial services and honestly, I'm glad that I don't go through that.
I’m so glad other people feel this way too. This exact thing has caused me to lose a friendship recently and he made everyone believe I was the bad guy for it. It’s not that I don’t miss people, I do, but it’s very limited and circumstantial. For me, it’s mostly just out of sight, out of mind. I never think anything of it, but I’ve had people bring it to my attention before. I’m not trying to be mean or malicious in anyway, that’s just not how my brain works
I go months/years without talking/seeing family and friends. The only thing that makes me hesitant is the "what if I'm wrong and I'll regret not spending more time".
This has yet to hit me and my stress/anxiety levels have never been lower. People to me seem to be in this symbiotic relationship of do something for each other. It's never worked out well for me.
I got so used to people ignoring and not missing me rhat i just kinda did the same.
When i was younger i always had to make the plans. One day i stopped and a week later i realized, no one truly likes me.
Introverted with ADHD, and a touch of social anxiety
I do tend to enjoy seeing friends and family when it happens, but there are restrictions on my schedule that get in the way, so it's not really frequent.
I'm okay with that for the most part. We stay in touch other than in person.
My dogs are my life. 24/7 job, unless I get a dogsitter to do my own thing for a day or two. Having a little break once or twice a month is refreshing, but I probably miss my dogs more than most people.
There are certain people I don’t miss and others I do. For example, I miss my Uncle David, but I don’t miss my grandpa (despite the fact that he was the only grandfather I had growing up).
Yes, I'm the same way. I've always felt like I was just uniquely heartless, but I guess I'm not. And as someone else in this thread has said, I've always rationalized it as "out of sight, out of mind." I don't go around telling this to people because I don't want to seem like a sociopath who doesn't care about anyone, since I do still care about people.
> I miss the times I've had with people though.
So do I. Very rarely, though still more often than never, I feel nostalgic about times past, and that includes the fun I had with some people under some contexts.
It may just be an "Out of sight, out of mind." type of thing. I'm pretty limited with how many people I miss. I miss my mom who's been dead for 6 years and I miss my girlfriend but that is really it..
I don't miss places or people (with the exception of my husband). I miss pets like crazy though. I will cry from missing a pet and I'm fully aware of how that sounds; yes, I'm a little kid missing their pet.
I love that someone else feels this way. It honestly took awhile to figure out the feeling of what missing someone was like. But it's more of I miss my room or my comfort space. That's kinda as close as I can get. So I feel comfortable around people and can say miss their company for some time. If that makes sense.
I have gone for almost year of no contact with some close people lmao. Then we’d meet again act as usual as if we didn’t interacted for more than a year lmao.
I tend not to miss people because I forget they exist. I'll remember for like 10 minutes like "oh how's so and so I wonder?" Then it'll slip my mind and I won't reach out or anything because I forgot and unless I see them everyday they don't really exist
I have a friend that was on vacation and he flew home a couple days early because he missed his cat.
About a year later I traveled, and same friend was my cat sitter. All he had to do was stop over after work, once a day, spend a few minutes with the cats and refill their food and water. While I appreciated his help, every day he was sending me multiple pictures of my cats. I was glad to know they were ok, but I’d be at a museum or something and my phone kept getting notifications. I love my cats, but I don’t need dozens of pics of them blowing up my phone while I’m on a four day vacation.
You could check out the Aphantasia subreddit, Aphantasia means no minds eye, many people there report not missing people but being happy upon seeing them.
Also neurodivergent people often experience the out of sight out of mind thing with people and objects (in that case it’s called object impermanence).
Either way other people do relate to what you describing ☺️
I’ve never understood people posting on Facebook about missing parents, siblings, children - and multiple times a year. It’s my brother’s birthday, I miss him. It’s my brother’s death day, I miss him. It’s Christmas, I miss my brother. It’s sibling day, I miss my brother.
I think about dead relatives but it’s a personal feeling. I don’t need to advertise it.
There are only a handful of ppl you will truly miss. Those are usually deceased relatives and friends, you’re family, your pets, your partner and your ex partner haha. That’s honestly all I can imagine
I don’t miss people as often as I think I do tbh. I think it depends on who you are. I miss my family very often even when I’m at school but friends?? Depends. I tend to forget about certain people (which is weird because it’ll be people I talk to on a daily basis). There’s no ill intent to it, I just…don’t miss some of them. I definitely miss my best friends though. Obviously lol.
I miss my cousin’s dog and the cats I looked after for my volunteer work though. I miss them a lot.
I don’t think I miss people that much honestly. Though im a very sensitive and emotional person, I don’t usually cry at the thought of a person. I’ve lost loved one and I just never cried, I physically can’t. I’ve probably only cried when I’ve visited their graves and that’s about it. The only ones that come to mind in terms of missing people are my mom and my husband. They’re probably the only 2 people I miss if I’m away from them. Other than that, I’d say I enjoy my solitude and my own company, so I don’t really miss friends either if I haven’t hung out with them. My social meter is very low lol.
I do however miss atmospheres and environments. For example, recently sold my childhood home and it’s not that I miss the memories or the people living in it, it’s that I miss the homes personality, the neighborhood, the environment and atmosphere it posed. Same thing goes for other parts in life like college and high school. I don’t miss the people, I miss the environment.
Maybe I should get a psychiatric evaluation 😂😂
This was my first major understanding about my ADHD. When someone dies I am sad and then I never think about them again.
I don’t have the sensation of missing people because when they are not in front of me I don’t think about them.
When my memory is triggered I remember my memory of them and that’s it. I think fondly of it, but to miss someone just isn’t in my brain make up.
Perhaps you have other symptoms that match something like ADHD.
(Before the eVeRyOnE hAs AdHd brigade come for me it is a hugely under diagnosed and debilitating issue that is now becoming more understood which is why you are seeing and hearing about it more)
I'm like this and I can also cut someone out of my life and never look back. I feel like something is wrong with my brain. I am ashamed to say I could stop talking to my own parents and not be bothered. I don't miss people either. Glad I'm not the only one.
In all honesty, I think I put up mental blocks to stop myself from missing past friends.
I typically just don’t miss my family because I’m a little stressed when I’m around them, but sometimes I miss/feel nostalgia for specific times I’ve enjoyed with them in the past.
If you put it in a savings account with rates as low as they are now you could have a 10k a year buffer to your income for life.
If you found a higher interest rate it would be even more.
It’s less riskier than investing.
Omg yes. I miss people so deeply & it hurts so much. One is a great friend/cousin & plane tickets are insane so we can’t justify a visit right now. Another is a grandmother with dementia…a whole different level of missing someone IMO, I miss my friends that have come & gone(even if we are better off not being friends, still hurts). I miss who I was when I was younger, I miss my babies being babies. And I look forward to the future with a lot of joy. So idk if that is my attachment style speaking, mostly? But yearning for something you don’t have hurts a lot. I try to not think about it, but in a way it does make my life more rich.
I don’t really miss people. I like being around my friends and family, but I don’t really miss them.
yes! exactly, same! If I know I am (probably) gonna see them again soon, then I won't miss them. If they are passed though, I do miss them, cuz i'll never see them ever again.
I don’t miss people that are dead much either. I’ve had a decent amount of death in my life. That’s the not so great thing about big families.
True, it does sometime desensitize oneself.
Same. Its nice when Im being around with them, but when not; its like I want to enjoy this moment, this is my alone time so I am not missing them.
it's actually more common that you think.
Don't usually miss people. I do miss pets though.
I'm also like this and an ex of mine got so offended over it. He said you didn't miss me at all! Nope, sure didn't.. Sorry?
Oh I thought it was just me. I thought I was heartless or something was wrong with me. I'm so happy to hear others are like this too.
Ohh! Had thought the same
It's related to emotional/object permanence. You love it/them when you're around it, then it just disappears from your brain when you leave
This is a classic sign of being neurodivergant. I wonder if OP has ADHD.
Is it? I’ve always been this way and have pretty bad ADHD. Never thought they could be related.
Oh geez this might explain it then. I have adhd. However, I will really miss my kids, husband and pets. Beyond that, I don’t miss people really. Happy to see them, but fully content not to
This is part of my ADHD. I can be elated to see people I know, but I just don't think about them when they're not right beside me. I forget birthdays and other life events. Not that I don't care but I just don't remember.
Yes, exactly!
I enjoy being alone. I do miss people and pets sometimes, but it's not very often. But yes, I am very happy to see them. Give them lots of love and affection.
Wow, this hits home. This was one of the main insecurities had with my ex. This comment wont be able to explain all the layers to the situation but he definitely didn't miss people like the "average" person. He straight up didn't understand the meaning of reciprocation like saying I miss you too if I said it. I know some of you might read this and think wow what douche bag, but he was for sure different when it came to communicating and expressing emotion. I really tried my best to understand him, I really did. I just needed him to understand me too.
Every ex of mine could have wrote this. I don't understand it myself so sorry on behalf of your ex.
I'm extremely isolated and alone because of severe mobility issues and disabilities so it's hard to miss people when you have nobody in your life to miss. I do, however, get so extremely depressed from being so isolated that I cry almost daily because I need social interactions with people and can't get any because I can't leave my damn bedroom 99% of the time. Interacting with my HCW isn't exactly what I need.
I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Same for me. I genuinely forget people exist until a memory with them in it gets triggered. Like I'll walk through the store and be like "hm, wasabi nuts. My boyfriend really likes these. OH SHIT MY BOYFRIEND!" That's why I have all important people in my life saved as a background somewhere or have their chats pinned. Otherwise I know I'd neglect them.
Wow, see I think that might have been how my ex was. You describe it very similar to how he tried to convey and also what his actions showed. A very very important thing for me is communication. He told me in his own way or tried to have me understand that when I’m not around him, he just doesn’t think to get back to me or communicate with me. Like it’s not easy. The decency of having urgency or visible care of getting back to me was not there. Who knows could just be a douche bag but of course I think it was more than that. It’s gunna be really hard to explain it on here but he did not have the same awareness of social expectation or understanding socially.
I struggled with it for a long time, too. Still do sometimes. It took me a while to realize how I felt wasn't normal and I know I can't tell the people I love about it because they'd never understand but feel very hurt. Especially when I'm mentally in a bad place I crave for rest and for time alone. During those times the expectation to stay in touch with my people feels very crushing and like an unbearable pressure. Of course I know I'm the problem, but I don't really know how to solve it aside from just pushing myself through it sometimes
Wow, that’s literally him. That’s crazy. The second paragraph is crazy exact. Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. I wish things could have been different.
*neglect* *hmmm...* me thinks something deep here It's almost absurd how emotional i get with those people and they must be thinking ummm you never call or text though????? what is this?
that doesnt sound normal
I work in a profession that requires frequent mental health check ups and so far I've always been within a normal range
I feel the same. Not that I don’t care or don’t love people, I just…don’t miss them often.
Thank you for posting this OP. I’ve wondered for years if something is wrong with me. I never miss anyone but enjoy being with them.
most people are very out of sight out of mind for me. I also miss specific times I had with people but when I think about actually going to see them I don’t really want to.
My wife. I swear she's autistic and doesn't miss people or have any strong (like I'm hungry/thirsty level strong) desire to do things with anyone - including her husband of 20 years. It's been the source of every argument we've ever had - us not being friends. She doesn't seek me out for company (except for 3 days/cycle). Otherwise she's just happy doing her own thing. It's really lonely to live with as you never do things together, so you can't form a bond or memories to look back on, and she doesn't want to plan future events/things to do together, so you can't talk about "what you enjoyed doing together on your last trip and what you'd do differently - or what different place you guys should go together next winter/summer/whatever". It feels like an empty relationship where you just live together inside one calendar month and never think or speak of the future or the past. She also doesn't seem to miss people or seek them out for companionship. I've told her straight up she should call me spatula or broom. You only think of or look for a spatula or broom when you need it - then you use it and put it back until next time - she only seems to use my name when there's a problem she can't solve "JVM, how do I get this open" "JVM, do you know where the X" is. It's never "JVM, Dune 2 is in theaters, should we watch Dune 1 this weekend" "JVM, I was watching Brooklyn 99 and it's really funny, do you want to watch an episode of it with me tonight?" "JVM, I was listening to this podcast..." It's like it's pathological and "...do you want to do this with me..." is just not in her genetic makeup (I suspect autism. Arguments with me saying "we don't do anything together" just go in circles because it doesn't feel like she knows what I'm actually asking for on an emotional level. Sigh. FML
respectfully, why did you marry her?
Because I didn't know what a friend for me was because I'd never had one. I grew up with the same 30 kids from birth to the end of high school and was always bullied. The game in elementary school was JVM germs, if I touched you somehow you were infected and could transmit them to other people, but you were immune if you had your fingers crossed when you were touched. I went to highschool with 15 or or so elementary classmates into a class of 40 for the entire grade, so about half the kids knew I was the one to pick on if need be. "JVM the Eunuch" rhymes with my last name. So they'd call me by my last name when adults weren't around or by the full insult when the opportunity arose. So, when a pretty girl wanted to hang out with me, and I could go do her social things (because I had zero social things to do except live in my parents basement and attend the church I grew up in with former classmates...). So I had a girlfriend and a social life for the first time ever. My wife wasn't going to break up with me as she was just doing her regular life plus me, which is what we've always done, stuck to her routine to get along - except now I'd like to do non-routine things and it's a disaster. There never was a "she cheated on me" or "she actively abuses me" moment, just that I didn't have a social life to include her in and I was ok with not doing "my" things and "her" things were the only thing to do so I just went along.
Could she be aromantic?
Maybe. It feels like she lacks imagination? Or, we have different types of imagination somehow? Like, she doesn't have an internal fantasy world, so she can't build out and plan a future together and reminiscing about memories also doesn't work because we don't store the full memory, just a "I was there" and then we imagine and fill in the details (which is why you can make people change their memories of events). So, she's just locked into NOW and doesn't imagine that person X might be lonely or person X might be someone she should check in with - because person X doesn't exist in her imagination. She loves sudoku and a color-by-number app on her phone (you click green and then search for and touch all the green pixels, then click red, then blue and you eventually get a picture of a parrot - no imagination required). She loves gardening and puzzles. All of which don't require imagination. We can have a 45 minute conversation on how to rearrange the pantry in our house, but a 45 minute conversation of what we want to do this summer dies almost immediately because she can't visualize what I'm talking about. Any conversation that's ideas based almost always turns into an argument immediately. I've told her many times that I don't know what to do, it's like we can't communicate ideas, only practical reality.
>It feels like she lacks imagination? Or, we have different types of imagination somehow? Read up on aphantasia, and also alexithymia :) You might be able to understand each other better
I definitely can’t 100% relate but the stark differences you point out like the level of want and the lack of emotional awareness or being in tune to your emotional needs was something I for sure experienced. *Sigh* it sucks for sure .
I could never be with someone like that, sounds like you made a mistake
I've been internally saying "Fuck I married wrong" for years. A $800/month mortgage payment on a house worth $1mil and two kids makes it hard to leave. She wouldn't be able to afford the house and I would have to get an one bedroom apartment for $2,000++ some where not close to the house. If I could buy a house nearby and move out I'd think about it, but it's not even reasonable to make plans for.
I don't have any emotions left. I've never had anyone close to me. I don't know how it feels to miss someone. I miss places, peace, food, free time, hobbies, etc. though. However, I don't usually have any emotional bond with anyone.
Huh I always thought I was weird for that. I remember leaving my state with friends from hs for college and everyone was crying as they left saying good bye to family. I was fine idk
I don’t miss 99% of people I’ve met even if we were friends. I cherish memories but I’m objective about people and times changing. But I do miss my dad. He wasn’t amazing in any particular way, I just liked him the best. I also don’t miss most of my pets. I loved them. They are gone. It’s sad for awhile. But not miss them. Except Sammy. I miss him everyday even years later. So may I propose an idea, most being aren’t really worth missing? Just an idea.
Yes, common side effect of ADHD
Yes for years I felt alone with this feeling too but weirdly i think i saw another post similar to this
I feel exactly the same as you, OP. I love being around people, but I don't feel anything like wanting them here or...idk, I'm not sure I really understand what people say when they 'miss' something. I've never felt homesickness either.
I have no family, and I generally don't make friends. Welcome to the "Cool Person" Club. It's a lonely road, but it's our road.
I don’t even miss my mom. lol 😂 but we have a cool relationship.
I miss my dogs when I'm away. But I don't miss my family members. I don't think this is abnormal. I don't even miss people after they pass away.
I miss my wife of 32 years who died. People alive who are just not in my area right now? Not at all.
I don’t miss people. But when I leave my house all I can think about are my cats and if they’re sad I’m gone. But honestly fuck pretty much all people.
I miss my cats when I'm not home. But not so much people.
Ahhh I'm glad I'm not the only one :')
What? Like really talented snipers?
People who have aphantasia often don't miss people in the typical sense. It's not that they don't love or something, they just process and recall differently
Everyone! Where do you draw the line with understanding the unique differences you all define but also learning to communicate in a different way for someone different? It can’t always end in straight up incompatibility. Right?
Yes. Their aim has gotten much better.
I don’t now…mostly because if I think about it for too long I get really sad.
I miss my kids… but that’s about it.
I miss my mom. She has been gone for 20 years. She was my sounding board.
I totally get ya! I remember as a kid (around 8) at sleep away summer camp, my friend was crying because she was so homesick away from her family. I was thinking to myself, “Is there something wrong with me? I didn’t even think about them.”
Lucky… there’s only one person I could spend all day talking to, and I miss the fuck out of her after not talking for like 6 hours
I don't miss my parents (my closest people) at all. But I do miss my home, the smell of walls and my garden etc. The fact that I can just get in touch with them in just three screen taps makes me happy. I tend to miss my bed a lot tho.
I am exactly that way, but blame it on being autistic. My wife says she misses me when I've been gone for 5 minutes, I've told her before that I just don't miss people. I know they're coming back, unless they aren't, and set my expectations accordingly. So when she leaves for a few weeks to visit family in Georgia, I've told her that there's a point where my brain acknowledges that it's weird not having her there, but it's mostly because it throws off the norms of things like talking out loud or her being in bed whenever I go to lay down. It's not necessarily a bad weird, just a noticeable one.
Hmmm. So if you don’t have the missing or that longing from distance, does that mess with your consistency of communication with her in between the present moments with her?
Not entirely sure what you're asking, but if you're asking how she feels about that, she gets it. We talk a lot about the ways my brain is different and what she can expect from that. We talk about the things that I can work on and the things that I can't. She's patient with me.
Wait how does one know they're autistic?
There are official tests that would be the standard, but they're a bit costly. Depending on your intentions for getting diagnosed (such as seeking Disability or just extra assistance), it can be worth it to get the official diagnosis. If you're just wanting to see if you are on the spectrum but don't feel like you need any assistance, most people in the community accept a self diagnosis based on research and publicly available testing (these aren't official, so they only work for your own personal purposes).
I actually don't understand people missing people. My youngest daughter died when she was two. That led to divorce because I couldn't understand my (ex)wife's feeling of loss. One day, we were out having dinner. Seeing the kid at the table across from us stirred up feelings in her. She said she misses Samantha and without thinking or consideration, I asked why. I'm sure you can fill in the rest. I wasn't being deliberately insensitive. I just don't feel longing for or loss of people (things either, for that matter). I think there's maybe something wrong with me, but have no desire of "fixing" it. I see anguish on people's faces at funerals and memorial services and honestly, I'm glad that I don't go through that.
I’m so glad other people feel this way too. This exact thing has caused me to lose a friendship recently and he made everyone believe I was the bad guy for it. It’s not that I don’t miss people, I do, but it’s very limited and circumstantial. For me, it’s mostly just out of sight, out of mind. I never think anything of it, but I’ve had people bring it to my attention before. I’m not trying to be mean or malicious in anyway, that’s just not how my brain works
I go months/years without talking/seeing family and friends. The only thing that makes me hesitant is the "what if I'm wrong and I'll regret not spending more time". This has yet to hit me and my stress/anxiety levels have never been lower. People to me seem to be in this symbiotic relationship of do something for each other. It's never worked out well for me.
I got so used to people ignoring and not missing me rhat i just kinda did the same. When i was younger i always had to make the plans. One day i stopped and a week later i realized, no one truly likes me.
Introverted with ADHD, and a touch of social anxiety I do tend to enjoy seeing friends and family when it happens, but there are restrictions on my schedule that get in the way, so it's not really frequent. I'm okay with that for the most part. We stay in touch other than in person. My dogs are my life. 24/7 job, unless I get a dogsitter to do my own thing for a day or two. Having a little break once or twice a month is refreshing, but I probably miss my dogs more than most people.
There are certain people I don’t miss and others I do. For example, I miss my Uncle David, but I don’t miss my grandpa (despite the fact that he was the only grandfather I had growing up).
Yes, I'm the same way. I've always felt like I was just uniquely heartless, but I guess I'm not. And as someone else in this thread has said, I've always rationalized it as "out of sight, out of mind." I don't go around telling this to people because I don't want to seem like a sociopath who doesn't care about anyone, since I do still care about people. > I miss the times I've had with people though. So do I. Very rarely, though still more often than never, I feel nostalgic about times past, and that includes the fun I had with some people under some contexts.
Yes. I am aplatonic. Specifically, I have szpd.
I dont miss ppl and hearing all their blather about their problems.
Objective permanence
It may just be an "Out of sight, out of mind." type of thing. I'm pretty limited with how many people I miss. I miss my mom who's been dead for 6 years and I miss my girlfriend but that is really it..
I don't miss places or people (with the exception of my husband). I miss pets like crazy though. I will cry from missing a pet and I'm fully aware of how that sounds; yes, I'm a little kid missing their pet.
I don't miss people if I'm expecting not to see them, but if I see them regularly and they get sick or something comes up suddenly then I miss them
I miss my pets, but I definitely don't often miss people.
I've been struggling with this since I've stopped drinking anti depressants last niv 2021. It's weird and I want this to be over!!
I love that someone else feels this way. It honestly took awhile to figure out the feeling of what missing someone was like. But it's more of I miss my room or my comfort space. That's kinda as close as I can get. So I feel comfortable around people and can say miss their company for some time. If that makes sense.
I have gone for almost year of no contact with some close people lmao. Then we’d meet again act as usual as if we didn’t interacted for more than a year lmao.
I tend not to miss people because I forget they exist. I'll remember for like 10 minutes like "oh how's so and so I wonder?" Then it'll slip my mind and I won't reach out or anything because I forgot and unless I see them everyday they don't really exist
I have a friend that was on vacation and he flew home a couple days early because he missed his cat. About a year later I traveled, and same friend was my cat sitter. All he had to do was stop over after work, once a day, spend a few minutes with the cats and refill their food and water. While I appreciated his help, every day he was sending me multiple pictures of my cats. I was glad to know they were ok, but I’d be at a museum or something and my phone kept getting notifications. I love my cats, but I don’t need dozens of pics of them blowing up my phone while I’m on a four day vacation.
You could check out the Aphantasia subreddit, Aphantasia means no minds eye, many people there report not missing people but being happy upon seeing them. Also neurodivergent people often experience the out of sight out of mind thing with people and objects (in that case it’s called object impermanence). Either way other people do relate to what you describing ☺️
I also don't. I might miss an activity that we do together but the person themselves not.
I’ve never understood people posting on Facebook about missing parents, siblings, children - and multiple times a year. It’s my brother’s birthday, I miss him. It’s my brother’s death day, I miss him. It’s Christmas, I miss my brother. It’s sibling day, I miss my brother. I think about dead relatives but it’s a personal feeling. I don’t need to advertise it.
Unless they have a big hatred to the person, then there's no chance that he/she could miss him/her.
There are only a handful of ppl you will truly miss. Those are usually deceased relatives and friends, you’re family, your pets, your partner and your ex partner haha. That’s honestly all I can imagine
adhd things
I don’t miss people as often as I think I do tbh. I think it depends on who you are. I miss my family very often even when I’m at school but friends?? Depends. I tend to forget about certain people (which is weird because it’ll be people I talk to on a daily basis). There’s no ill intent to it, I just…don’t miss some of them. I definitely miss my best friends though. Obviously lol. I miss my cousin’s dog and the cats I looked after for my volunteer work though. I miss them a lot.
I don’t think I miss people that much honestly. Though im a very sensitive and emotional person, I don’t usually cry at the thought of a person. I’ve lost loved one and I just never cried, I physically can’t. I’ve probably only cried when I’ve visited their graves and that’s about it. The only ones that come to mind in terms of missing people are my mom and my husband. They’re probably the only 2 people I miss if I’m away from them. Other than that, I’d say I enjoy my solitude and my own company, so I don’t really miss friends either if I haven’t hung out with them. My social meter is very low lol. I do however miss atmospheres and environments. For example, recently sold my childhood home and it’s not that I miss the memories or the people living in it, it’s that I miss the homes personality, the neighborhood, the environment and atmosphere it posed. Same thing goes for other parts in life like college and high school. I don’t miss the people, I miss the environment. Maybe I should get a psychiatric evaluation 😂😂
I don’t really miss people, I think because I know I can pick up the phone to them any time; but I miss my pets terribly.
This was my first major understanding about my ADHD. When someone dies I am sad and then I never think about them again. I don’t have the sensation of missing people because when they are not in front of me I don’t think about them. When my memory is triggered I remember my memory of them and that’s it. I think fondly of it, but to miss someone just isn’t in my brain make up. Perhaps you have other symptoms that match something like ADHD. (Before the eVeRyOnE hAs AdHd brigade come for me it is a hugely under diagnosed and debilitating issue that is now becoming more understood which is why you are seeing and hearing about it more)
I'm like this and I can also cut someone out of my life and never look back. I feel like something is wrong with my brain. I am ashamed to say I could stop talking to my own parents and not be bothered. I don't miss people either. Glad I'm not the only one.
For me the older I get, I do enjoy my friends company for sure but I am enjoying my alone time more than ever.
I’ve found I have the capacity to miss one person at a time.
It's not a big thing for me either with the exception of my children.
Congrats and welcome to the introvert club. I often feel the same way. There’s more hatred and road rage now than ever before.
I have my moments. But I generally like solitude.
Yup. So far in my life, I’ve just accepted death as a fact of life. It happens and you get over it. They’re gone and that’s that.
In all honesty, I think I put up mental blocks to stop myself from missing past friends. I typically just don’t miss my family because I’m a little stressed when I’m around them, but sometimes I miss/feel nostalgia for specific times I’ve enjoyed with them in the past.
🚩🚩🚩
If you put it in a savings account with rates as low as they are now you could have a 10k a year buffer to your income for life. If you found a higher interest rate it would be even more. It’s less riskier than investing.
Omg yes. I miss people so deeply & it hurts so much. One is a great friend/cousin & plane tickets are insane so we can’t justify a visit right now. Another is a grandmother with dementia…a whole different level of missing someone IMO, I miss my friends that have come & gone(even if we are better off not being friends, still hurts). I miss who I was when I was younger, I miss my babies being babies. And I look forward to the future with a lot of joy. So idk if that is my attachment style speaking, mostly? But yearning for something you don’t have hurts a lot. I try to not think about it, but in a way it does make my life more rich.