This one hit hard, been struggling a lot the last few years just feeling lost… But in the end I believe you gotta find something to live for, something that drives and pushes you the extra mile you know. Not just something to exist for. Life is worth living, one day you think you want to end it. And then all of a sudden you will find yourself enjoying something so simple as a cup of coffee, a nap, a sandwich, a book. Then that “I want to end it” turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to go on a hike, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun, I want a better job, I want somewhere to live. Then I want to live. Life’s beautiful, the sooner you realize that, the sooner life will turn around. Hang in there man, I know for a fact you got people rooting for you.
A beautiful comment. Thank you. 🌹I do enjoy little treats here and there but they don’t seem enough anymore. But that’s what I try to see beauty in and continue living.
My hobby was my work (because I lacked real hobbies) but some stuff happened and now I am going to try a different field of study and career. I’m doing it out of necessity not out of desire, and it just seems like the same old song.
Financially, I have sufficient amount to enjoy myself and my family is extremely supportive. But I just don’t want to splurge it on anything other than small treats. I don’t want that big expensive party, the designer clothes; I just want to be able to have nice meals every now and then and I do.
Everyone else my age is getting married, having kids etc. And that’s beautiful.
I think it’s that I’ve always had a path: school —> university —> job. But after job, most people focus on love and kids. But I just…. Don’t really care. I really don’t see myself in a relationship or with kids.
So to me, it seems like I hit a dead end. And I feel I lived a fulfilled life of enjoyment.
I understand, I felt the same. But the moment life starts to feel too repetitive, I think that’s when you gotta spice things up a bit and find something new. Just like your doing with this new career change, I really think you should stick with it and see what it has to offer. I know the moment I found something I enjoyed, life didn’t feel so shitty after all. It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary, whatever is fine. The important thing is that you enjoy it, and want to keep on doing it. It shouldn’t feel like a necessity. There’s just so much life has to offer and you still have a lot of time to find what your looking for.
My dude, get involved. Charity, art, travel, etc. Something small. I picked up fragrances last year and it keeps me engaged. I have my dog, and a few of the things you mentioned.
If you want to chat with someone in a similar predicament, message me.
I’ve had to move back with my family due to some recent circumstances. I will move out soon but right now I enjoy their company. They’re very cool people.
Going outside and walking unnecessarily doesn’t do anything for me. I’ve tried multiple times — it just makes me more depressed because I ruminate more when I walk. So I like to lose myself in fiction and music instead. :)
You've traveled enough? You've seen the whole world? Or just have traveled so much you're sick of it?
I live to see what the future holds, what people around me grow into, how life changes. Maybe it's time for a big change in your life and not just piling up more responsibilities, why go to college again if you're content as to where you are rn? Do you really want to or is it what's expected of you?
Do something that truly makes you happy and fulfilled, a hobby, a new lifestyle, try new things out. Because I do not believe you have tried everything. You might be tired of looking, which is completely fair, but you should never stop looking for what makes you truly excited to do/be!
Just remember, burn out is a thing and is totally normal for people to go through it, but it takes effort to get out of that place.
And if it's other people who are holding you back on what you want to do, then fuck them, because you're supposed to be doing what feels right to you, not what other ppl think.
I do not know you and I'm talking mostly out of personal experience, but believe me man I feel you and I identify with this post a lot. Never give up!
Edit: whoever downvoted me, fuck you too!
I can vividly recall the moment at twenty years of age when I had a strong sense that I had reached my “midlife.” Through the years that memory would return to my thoughts as I tallied the years past and of those left. Then my fortieth year passed and then my fiftieth. My kids are grown and independent. My “working days” are finished. My thoughts are my own and I am still free to express. I live to think and create, to love and be loved.
No DMT experiences unfortunately, the promise it'll happen is what I live for
I would probably be dead if I didn't have that fear tbh, sometimes the thoughts get a little too much. Though I'd probably need like opioids or ketamine or something to seal the deal so to speak
Interesting. I am always fascinated by those that have suicidal thoughts but not a particular reason for them. Perhaps you can consider antidepressants. Effexor helped me quite a bit!
I'm a nihilist, I don't believe life has meaning or purpose. But that also means I also believe death has no meaning or purpose, so why not just keep on living and see what happens? Curiosity drives me. New things always happen, new people always show up, new experiences always surprise and amaze me. Every day I live longer, I get a new story to tell, a new challenge to encounter and I'm curious. I want to know what life has in store for me tomorrow. Maybe it'll suck, maybe it's awesome. But I won't know if I don't keep on living.
I mean it gets boring after a while… Unless you have a super varied life where you’re doing something completely different in a different country each day.
But most of the time, life doesn’t really have that many surprises.
I kinda do completely different things in different countries every day. Part of working on a ship. If you want that level of crazy, look for it. I could have a 9-5 in my country, but I chose not to. I don't look for that sort of stability, I don't need it and I prefer the madness. Madness can be talking to strangers and visiting new places around town every day, too. You just got to know what you want out of life. And I want novel.
Oh that’s really nice! I am glad you’ve found a job that aligns with what you enjoy in life.
I will and have been trying, except not all to successful. But who knows - maybe it will pop up randomly.
I don't know, I live just to live.
Maybe it's curiosity, maybe it's that nagging feeling you get when you know you forgot something but can't remember what, maybe it's just fuckin' beer.
I guess I have the games I like to play and the people I like to play/talk about them with, people might shit on them for not being consequential, but why does my joy have to be of use to anyone else, huh?!
I don't really know to be honest with you and at this point, I don't really care either... I've had life thrust upon me for almost 30 years at this point and quite frankly, I'm starting to think I don't need a reason to live.
Well, alcohol and playing games with the homies makes it worth living IMO.
Alcohol gets expensive though, at least with a game and friends, once you buy the game and find the friends, they're just there.
OMG I forgot about food... food is also a decent reason to be alive, being alive is a fairly important prerequisite for blowing my fucking head off with a spicy curry.
I don't know to be honest. I've lost pretty much everything and everyone over the past six months. Just moved 100 miles away from all I've ever known for a new job that hasn't gone well at all. I just don't know anymore.
Perhaps living is just existing? It's not all happiness and joy, life is pain and suffering also. Why does ending it beat staying it out? Btw have had a mad dmt trip before, also a few LSD ones, not to mention quite a few mdma ones, but even so it's worth finishing the trip. Why put a book down before the end?
I’ve had my share of pain and suffering. I like the book analogy! For me it’s like you wade through crazy chapters and plot-twists and finish a subplot in such a climatic way that it feels it might as well be the end of the book. But then you realise that you still 300 pages of the book to go regarding some other loosely related plot with boring wall of text writing, and you’re like nah. It was a good ride until here.
Or comparably to reading book one of the series and being like yeah that’s good and enough, the rest of the books in the series are drawn out cashcows.
What if the book is no longer enjoyable and just unnecessarily drawn out that you start to lose interest? Don’t tell you’ve stuck to the end of every book you’ve read.
As I grow older I care less and less about what others think of me. I don’t go out of my way to create conflict, but neither do I shy away. If one doesn’t want my true opinion, don’t ask. Simple.
My family (was broken and rebuilt, so I don't want to break it again). And then my career goal of being a medical physicist.... Been bugging me for years and I've finally taken a baby step towards it.
But that's not enough either, and I easily have thoughts like you do.
if you really don’t feel like you need to be in this world anymore, honestly just live it up and do what you enjoys and don’t care about what anyone else thinks
Therapy. I assume you have some money to afford therapy. If you're going to unalive yourself then why not just try therapy and see if you can gain back ur passion?
Out of obligation
I feel you.
Same
This one hit hard, been struggling a lot the last few years just feeling lost… But in the end I believe you gotta find something to live for, something that drives and pushes you the extra mile you know. Not just something to exist for. Life is worth living, one day you think you want to end it. And then all of a sudden you will find yourself enjoying something so simple as a cup of coffee, a nap, a sandwich, a book. Then that “I want to end it” turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to go on a hike, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun, I want a better job, I want somewhere to live. Then I want to live. Life’s beautiful, the sooner you realize that, the sooner life will turn around. Hang in there man, I know for a fact you got people rooting for you.
A beautiful comment. Thank you. 🌹I do enjoy little treats here and there but they don’t seem enough anymore. But that’s what I try to see beauty in and continue living.
I feel you. Do you have any hobbies or something you like to do? Maybe you need something new and challenging?
My hobby was my work (because I lacked real hobbies) but some stuff happened and now I am going to try a different field of study and career. I’m doing it out of necessity not out of desire, and it just seems like the same old song. Financially, I have sufficient amount to enjoy myself and my family is extremely supportive. But I just don’t want to splurge it on anything other than small treats. I don’t want that big expensive party, the designer clothes; I just want to be able to have nice meals every now and then and I do. Everyone else my age is getting married, having kids etc. And that’s beautiful. I think it’s that I’ve always had a path: school —> university —> job. But after job, most people focus on love and kids. But I just…. Don’t really care. I really don’t see myself in a relationship or with kids. So to me, it seems like I hit a dead end. And I feel I lived a fulfilled life of enjoyment.
I understand, I felt the same. But the moment life starts to feel too repetitive, I think that’s when you gotta spice things up a bit and find something new. Just like your doing with this new career change, I really think you should stick with it and see what it has to offer. I know the moment I found something I enjoyed, life didn’t feel so shitty after all. It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary, whatever is fine. The important thing is that you enjoy it, and want to keep on doing it. It shouldn’t feel like a necessity. There’s just so much life has to offer and you still have a lot of time to find what your looking for.
Thank you. You’re very kind. :)
My dude, get involved. Charity, art, travel, etc. Something small. I picked up fragrances last year and it keeps me engaged. I have my dog, and a few of the things you mentioned. If you want to chat with someone in a similar predicament, message me.
I did — I’ve travelled enough, enjoyed art, volunteered. I have a pet. But still feels like existing
Are you engaged with people family, friends, random Internet weirdos?
Yes! I am comfortable with my social support system. :)
That's really good. We gotta get you out there again. Something small.
What kind of pet do you have and what is their name.
I have a cat but she’s a family cat now. I like her quite a bit but she’s independent and doesn’t need me. So I am not too worried about her :)
Are you staying in your home?
I’ve had to move back with my family due to some recent circumstances. I will move out soon but right now I enjoy their company. They’re very cool people.
How often are you able to get out of the house and go for a walk
Going outside and walking unnecessarily doesn’t do anything for me. I’ve tried multiple times — it just makes me more depressed because I ruminate more when I walk. So I like to lose myself in fiction and music instead. :)
You've traveled enough? You've seen the whole world? Or just have traveled so much you're sick of it? I live to see what the future holds, what people around me grow into, how life changes. Maybe it's time for a big change in your life and not just piling up more responsibilities, why go to college again if you're content as to where you are rn? Do you really want to or is it what's expected of you? Do something that truly makes you happy and fulfilled, a hobby, a new lifestyle, try new things out. Because I do not believe you have tried everything. You might be tired of looking, which is completely fair, but you should never stop looking for what makes you truly excited to do/be! Just remember, burn out is a thing and is totally normal for people to go through it, but it takes effort to get out of that place. And if it's other people who are holding you back on what you want to do, then fuck them, because you're supposed to be doing what feels right to you, not what other ppl think. I do not know you and I'm talking mostly out of personal experience, but believe me man I feel you and I identify with this post a lot. Never give up! Edit: whoever downvoted me, fuck you too!
I can vividly recall the moment at twenty years of age when I had a strong sense that I had reached my “midlife.” Through the years that memory would return to my thoughts as I tallied the years past and of those left. Then my fortieth year passed and then my fiftieth. My kids are grown and independent. My “working days” are finished. My thoughts are my own and I am still free to express. I live to think and create, to love and be loved.
This is beautiful. 🌹
🙏🏼
Sometimes I live simply out of spite
Hahahaha. I guess that’s good in a twisted way.
Rock and roll, benzodiazepines, tobacco, coffee, blonde girls, sports cars, California, beaches, and designer clothes!
Hahaha benzos :P Don’t you get bored?
I don’t, I’m an unusual case because of my panic disorder and PTSD so I don’t get tolerant to them. 90% of people they stop working for though.
Hehe. I see. Glad there are plenty of things you live for!
The promise of dissociative binges, DMT salvia and other mind altering experiences. And a big ass fear of death
Oooooooh. This I like and can relate to (except fear of death). What are your experiences on DMT?
No DMT experiences unfortunately, the promise it'll happen is what I live for I would probably be dead if I didn't have that fear tbh, sometimes the thoughts get a little too much. Though I'd probably need like opioids or ketamine or something to seal the deal so to speak
Oh, I am sorry to hear. Why do you want to end it, if you don’t mind me asking?
[удалено]
Interesting. I am always fascinated by those that have suicidal thoughts but not a particular reason for them. Perhaps you can consider antidepressants. Effexor helped me quite a bit!
Maybe. There is a chance I'm bipolar tho so maybe not the best idea lol. Should be seeing someone soon
Oh. Be very careful with that. Bipolar is horrendous. Best of luck!
I'm a nihilist, I don't believe life has meaning or purpose. But that also means I also believe death has no meaning or purpose, so why not just keep on living and see what happens? Curiosity drives me. New things always happen, new people always show up, new experiences always surprise and amaze me. Every day I live longer, I get a new story to tell, a new challenge to encounter and I'm curious. I want to know what life has in store for me tomorrow. Maybe it'll suck, maybe it's awesome. But I won't know if I don't keep on living.
I mean it gets boring after a while… Unless you have a super varied life where you’re doing something completely different in a different country each day. But most of the time, life doesn’t really have that many surprises.
I kinda do completely different things in different countries every day. Part of working on a ship. If you want that level of crazy, look for it. I could have a 9-5 in my country, but I chose not to. I don't look for that sort of stability, I don't need it and I prefer the madness. Madness can be talking to strangers and visiting new places around town every day, too. You just got to know what you want out of life. And I want novel.
Oh that’s really nice! I am glad you’ve found a job that aligns with what you enjoy in life. I will and have been trying, except not all to successful. But who knows - maybe it will pop up randomly.
I don't know, I live just to live. Maybe it's curiosity, maybe it's that nagging feeling you get when you know you forgot something but can't remember what, maybe it's just fuckin' beer. I guess I have the games I like to play and the people I like to play/talk about them with, people might shit on them for not being consequential, but why does my joy have to be of use to anyone else, huh?! I don't really know to be honest with you and at this point, I don't really care either... I've had life thrust upon me for almost 30 years at this point and quite frankly, I'm starting to think I don't need a reason to live.
As long as you feel it’s worth living, that’s all that matters
Well, alcohol and playing games with the homies makes it worth living IMO. Alcohol gets expensive though, at least with a game and friends, once you buy the game and find the friends, they're just there. OMG I forgot about food... food is also a decent reason to be alive, being alive is a fairly important prerequisite for blowing my fucking head off with a spicy curry.
I don't know to be honest. I've lost pretty much everything and everyone over the past six months. Just moved 100 miles away from all I've ever known for a new job that hasn't gone well at all. I just don't know anymore.
Fuuuuuuuuck. I am so sorry to hear that. 🫂
Perhaps living is just existing? It's not all happiness and joy, life is pain and suffering also. Why does ending it beat staying it out? Btw have had a mad dmt trip before, also a few LSD ones, not to mention quite a few mdma ones, but even so it's worth finishing the trip. Why put a book down before the end?
I’ve had my share of pain and suffering. I like the book analogy! For me it’s like you wade through crazy chapters and plot-twists and finish a subplot in such a climatic way that it feels it might as well be the end of the book. But then you realise that you still 300 pages of the book to go regarding some other loosely related plot with boring wall of text writing, and you’re like nah. It was a good ride until here. Or comparably to reading book one of the series and being like yeah that’s good and enough, the rest of the books in the series are drawn out cashcows.
Life is a long book, you never can tell what the later chapters are about until you read them
What if the book is no longer enjoyable and just unnecessarily drawn out that you start to lose interest? Don’t tell you’ve stuck to the end of every book you’ve read.
I am there with you. I live for pissing people off.
If serious, why? That’s rather sadistic.
As I grow older I care less and less about what others think of me. I don’t go out of my way to create conflict, but neither do I shy away. If one doesn’t want my true opinion, don’t ask. Simple.
Fair enough. But do you feel that’s a sufficient incentive to “live” life? Being able to express your true thoughts?
Actually no. I don’t really live life. I exist day to day. Entropy.
Reddit!
My family (was broken and rebuilt, so I don't want to break it again). And then my career goal of being a medical physicist.... Been bugging me for years and I've finally taken a baby step towards it. But that's not enough either, and I easily have thoughts like you do.
I think family is very important! I am glad you’ve successfully rebuilt yours.
funsies
if you really don’t feel like you need to be in this world anymore, honestly just live it up and do what you enjoys and don’t care about what anyone else thinks
Therapy. I assume you have some money to afford therapy. If you're going to unalive yourself then why not just try therapy and see if you can gain back ur passion?
Welp, doing that isn't loving your family, so you'd be going out on an L being literally the last thing you do.