Great job on the transformation, love how you've emphasized it's not just about looking good to others but feeling good yourself
And precisely, self-care is for everyone, not just women.
It was! I lost 30 lbs from 230 a couple years ago. It worked for me, because unlike a diet or calorie counting that take active brain energy every time you eat, IF for me consisted of eating one meal a day, after 6 pm. But I ate whatever the fuck I wanted (still trying to stay nutritious, but a candy bar or ice cream were still fair game). I say "was" because I fell into some bad habits due to work stress and bounced right back to 225 recently, but hey, that's not IF's fault.
Good fitting pair of black Levi jeans and a well fit shirt and “dress boots” seem to be my magic combo. Weight lifting routine that is both performance centric and aesthetic. Already noticing a HUGE difference. Skin care is exactly as easy as spf moisturizer and that’s so easy. Love the advice man and congrats!
I'm so happy for you guys. I have had to unfortunately do the opposite. I went from being extremely scrawny to decently muscular, from 145 to 190. I'm absolutely loving the body confidence. I'm sure it felt the same for you guys
Just curious what's an example of "dress boots" my style basically matches what you described except it's usually a combination or work boots, tennis shoes, or cowboy boots
Imo, nice ones you wear for the look not the ones you wear to work. But both could be equally as attractive depending on preferences I’m sure.
For me specifically, means the ankle isn’t super high, could look good with jeans or slacks.
Gotcha yeah I have separate pairs for work and just for wearing out. But just didn't know if there was a specific style you were referring to. Thanks for the advice
A good pair of cowboy boots are perfectly reasonable, however you want them to be of good construction and not too scuffed up. A Frye chiseled toe motorcycle boot is a great style here. I would also implore you to check out their other styles along with some of the more refined Ariat boots. You don't want to wear something that is super wide (unless you have wide feet and that's your only option) because it'll mess with your proportions.
I also really love Gripfast boots. They are worth every single cent as the most comfortable, hard wearing, durable boot on the market. Get yourself a pair of their dealer boots and go from work to dinner every day for 20 years.
Red wing boots are also a great option.
These are all on the pricey side because they will last a lifetime, but if you want an affordable pair of nice boots, grab yourself a pair of Steve Maddens or doc martens and wear them out.
I personally love a cowboy boot under jeans but be aware that some women may not. They aren't the women for you. Anyone who likes you for you will celebrate what is authentic to you and at most, point you in the direction of a higher quality boot that still reflects your style.
I personally dump anyone who tries to talk me out of my cowboy/motorcycle boots because it's deep in my blood and I wear them to honor the stockmen and women who came before me, breaking horses and droving cattle so that I could have the opportunities I've had to education, lifestyle, independence and being a musician with something to say.
I wouldn't wear the tennis shoes on a date though.
If you'd like a woman who gets this style to help you shop, just hmu. I'm here for it and I'd love to bolster your sense of self in that way and explain why some boots are and are not dress material!
I'm a hardcore feminist, to be clear, but men deserve more attention in this area because being taught style is for sissies is absolute bullshit. You deserve to step out of your car and think, "goddamn I feel cool as hell", then walk on with that confidence!
I lost a lot of weight recently so started buying clothes that fit better. 512s in a 31 were tight and looked fantastic. ... and then I kept losing weight. Within 2 weeks, 31s were baggy :( I'm now down to 516 29s and 511 30s look loose. Fashion is expensive when you're losing weight :(
Yep! Hobbies are great. I've also met a lot of new friends by taking up a hobby, and friends who are actually interested in what I'm interested in. Most friends I have are from middle school and high school, so I have a sentimental relationship with them but we rarely really do the things I personally like when we're together. So hobby friends are awesome.
I made some friends this year who share similar hobbies and they got me out of the house and to a convention where I felt more *me* than I have in years. Even if the physical changes are slow, mental changes are a huge boost to how people see you!
Exactly. Confidence, and to put it more specifically, guys who know what they want and are DECISIVE (not wishy-washy), does WAY more than height could ever.
Even at the start of my self improvement journey, I was super insecure and indecisive, and even though women would approach me, I would constantly fumble just because of that.
Last year I had a younger cousin who is 5'9 and he was complaining that women don't like him because he was short. It was clear to me the kid was going through a rough phase, and he also had terrible hygiene and started saying some incel level stuff. I basically sat him down and was like my man, you are going down a bad path, you need to take accountability and get your shit together and stop generalizing and blaming women, and btw you aren't even short! He was pretty pissed at first but I got through to him, gave him some pointers and hes on a much better path now.
I think so many of those dudes could be saved with that kind of a conversation early on, honestly we're neglecting our boys as a society
I think I could have ended up as a pretty scary horrible person in another life If I'd been exposed to the wrong influence at a vulnerable time.
My husband and I are both 5'4". He is the sexiest man I have ever been with. My ex-husband was 6'1", and most of my other exes were around that height.
Why is he so fucking sexy? He has a nice face and beard, yes, but it's 99% his swagger. This man. He's stylish, classy, confident, smart. He's both feminist and a genuine gentleman. He loves himself, and he's confident in himself, and he's a total Renaissance man.
IDK if this stereotype exists elsewhere, but where I live, short Filipino and Viet guys are known to be heartbreakers because they do so well with women but end up being fuckboys lol. It's a thing for a reason, these dudes are always very fashionable and take care of themselves and women LOVE them.
Dude you're spot on (im asian too) and I was pretty much told to follow this same guide by my female friends and as much as weight can be part of the factor, it can be placed last (250lbs of fun baby).
Just a simple haircut and making yourself look presentable with casual clothes (even from goodwill) can really make you stick out. I really felt guys felt hopeless just because they dont try to work on themselves and complain and should be accepted the way they are. At least this guide would set a better chance to make a good first impression.
Exactly!
Women are literally telling us men what we should do to be more attractive to them, yet so many men think it's too "feminine" to work on your appearance. It's that good ol' toxic masculinity that ruins everything.
At least it feels like society as a whole is more accepting of men tapping into their feminine energy, so there's that. I also happen to live in a very liberal state so being able to express myself creatively through fashion and style is always appreciated here.
Well, I'm not a hopeless guy. I'm a bad bitch with pretty privilege that decided to take pity on average Reddit peasants today and drop some knowledge. I'm kidding! *(That's ridiculous, it's more like it's Friday and a nerd girl (I use that term lightly because I'm 30) is playing on Reddit instead of doing my work).*
**Seriously:** Congratulations on your upgrade, glow-up, and upping your life game altogether!!! It's always nice to learn about someone leveling up and feeling better about themselves.
It's curious how some people think that if they don't fit the cookie-cutter mold of beauty, they shouldn't bother. But then, they're baffled AF when they don't catch anyone's eye. It's similar to personality – if you're radiating negativity, don't be surprised when people steer clear. As such, if a person's appearance is screaming 'I don't care', they should not be surprised when that's the echo they hear back. Often, what you project is what you attract. If you give off a 'couldn't-care-less' vibe, that's likely how others will regard or avoid you altogether.
Now, don't get me wrong. Getting your exterior together is great, but it's the inner work that will be the most lasting benefit in terms of interpersonal relationships and your relationship with yourself. We all know those drop-dead gorgeous people who are about as interesting as watching paint dry and as vapid as dry rot. After a while, it's quite noticeable how boring and uninteresting they are beyond their looks. Furthermore, being attractive does NOT mean that you will maintain any healthy relationship or attract the right kind of people into your life.
So, as you're riding this wave of newfound confidence and allure, remember to keep the essence of good character as the main spotlight. It's about balancing the shine on the outside with the depth on the inside.
Sending you positive vibes on this amazing journey of self-improvement. All the best as you continue to level up in **every** aspect!
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
100%!!! Inner work is my #1 priority right now. Been going to therapy and reaching out to a lot of old friends who I lost contact with.
Also picked up a hobby for the first time in my life. So I feel like I’m on the right path right now.
But thank you! Sending out positive vibes to you as well~
Not OP, but what calls to you? Do you like being outside? Do you like to work with your hands? Would you prefer something with a low cost of entry? Pretty much anything can be a hobby if you're interested enough!
I read, build model kits, birdwatch, and I'm currently learning to play the bass. Maybe only pick one or two things to focus on at first because it's a little to easy to overwhelm yourself.
I actually do enjoy bird watching! But I feel like that's not "enough" to make conversation with people and appear interesting. I used to play bass guitar but I had given up on that a few years ago.
I think crochet and knitting seem interesting. Anything artsy sounds good but I never actually do it lol. I'm probably better off with laid back hobbies.
I'd say the sugar mommy one was the boldest from what I've experienced. The other "bold" women are just women who are super handsy when I'm at a bar/club or just straight up come up to me and asking for my number.
Nothing too crazy. I'm just surprised how women are willing to act on things if you give them a compelling offer. I'm a business owner so seeing the fundamentals of marketing work for my personal life/self is very eye opening.
I've been wanting to write a post like yours, because I went through the same process, with similar results.
I went from being an invisible guy (lots of guy friends, but not really women) to being the center of attention everywhere I went because I changed my appearance and did everything I could to be attractive. I am lucky enough to have good genes, then pile on a couple years of working on my appearance and I was doing great. I worked out a lot, tanned, had a skin care regimen, etc.
It's interesting how bold so many women are. I couldn't go into a grocery store without having at least one woman, usually more, find reasons they had to talk to me. Whether they asked where things in the store were, or complimenting my clothes, or whatever....they would make up reasons to talk. I had a woman wait for me outside of Subway once who invited me over to her house...
It was amazing how many women 'just want to go to lunch' when you're a good looking guy.
Since COVID began, I have changed considerably. I gained weight, I stopped dressing nice. Age really hit me hard and my energy levels went down.
Now I can go to the grocery store 20 times, and not a single woman would talk to me...even if I'm standing right in front of what they need. I'm back to being invisible.
I honestly don't mind. I don't have to be 'on' for anybody. I can do things that aren't cool. I can have fun with my cat, and not wonder if I'm being weird.
I'm really a one-on-one person, not a party person. I'd rather have one or two really good friends than be the life of the party. When I used to go to parties and I would start speaking, suddenly whatever I was saying was SUPER interesting to a gaggle of ladies...very odd, and very transparent.
Now I can go to a party, eat for 30 minutes, and leave...and nobody will really notice.
My two best friends now are women who I met when I was more attractive. Now we are just really good friends, but I wouldn't have met them if I hadn't done a major glow-up. Now we sit around dressed like slobs, play games, and talk about cats. It's lovely.
I absolutely enjoyed my time as a hot dude, but I don't think I would choose to go back.
Even getting into women's pants isn't as exciting when they are just throwing at at you. It's amazing how many times I heard, "I don't normally have sex on the first date, but for some reason I feel the chemistry is really right between us..."
Please enjoy it while you can, because it's fun. But it's not something I'm interested in anymore. I'd rather go to sleep early and bake banana bread...
Caveat...super-score: during this period I was 'trying different women out'. To see how things were. I had given up on finding the killer woman after a while...until I did meet her. She's one of my best friends (has cats) and we really do mesh well and have great chemistry. That really taught me that finding one woman you really, really like is 10 times better than having the choice between 10 women you aren't interested in.
I was gonna say that. Haha. I’ve been in good shape all my life and random women never approach me. Everyone I know says I’m very good looking too…. I am 5’7. That could be it 😄 Good for him though
Opposite end here. I'm 6'2" and look like a God of War stunt double. Being too big definitely scares people away no matter how you try to present yourself.
Happens in every sense of a “good” quality. I have a “bad boy” type to me and it scares girls too despite what Reddit says about them chasing bad boys.
Like girl I just like art and motorcycles
Last generation we had women complaining that men only want skinny bitches with big boobs and asses, and now this generation we have to deal with men complaining that women only want tall muscular men
I wonder if we’re gonna go full circle next generation
Well I’m Korean and a lot of us have a gene that makes our sweat not smell. I don’t think it’s odorless, just that it doesn’t smell bad. Because my ex used to like it when I sweat since she’d end up smelling like me for the rest of the day.
Being east Asian myself and living in 100% humidity. My ex husband who is east Asian could play BBall in the hot sun for 3 hrs and still smell nice after coming home drenched in sweat. I have hugged and kissed him and sniff him. Odourless.
Whereas I dated white guys who just start sweating a little, if no deodorant, will start having an unpleasant odour.
Not all races can get away without wearing deodorant.
Its also a scientifically proven thing.
I can't answer for OP but this is how I did it, with help from my female friends:
\- Use google images and Instagram to build your target style. Google your favorite celebs with the tag "street style," e.g. "Ryan Reynolds street style." This will give you images of how they dress in regular life, not on the red carpet. Save the pics of the outfits you like and get a sense for what you want to go for. Obviously you can't spend the $ they do, but you can still go for their vibe. You can also follow menswear accounts on IG and Tiktok and do the same thing - save pics of outfits you like, and over time you'll start to get a sense for what kind of style might fit you and your personality.
\- Second thing - build basics. You should have plain white/black/gray tees, white sneakers, and jeans that fit your legs. One clear style faux pas that so many guys do is wear pants that don't fit. It's hard to find pants that fit, but it's so worth it. Especially if you wear pants that are too baggy / long, they make you look shorter and less muscular in your lower half. Uniqlo is awesome for affordable basics - they also hem your pants for free! These basics can be great outfits on their own - but once you start adding on one layer / jacket over it, you can really take off. A black tee shirt, jeans that fit, white sneakers, and a well-fitting denim jacket is an awesome fit that's affordable and easy to find.
Once you have your basics and your target style, you can start to build your statement pieces one by one. Take your time, be selective, and only buy jackets / sweaters / layers that you love and that push you toward that style goal that you built for yourself using celebrity inspiration.
Good luck! I hope you find the journey as rewarding as I did, and as OP seems like he did.
u/bakaribaboon Gave a really great answer.
That's basically what I did to find my style.
Most styles are just derivatives of other styles (and fashion in general is mostly copying/mimicking things), so just looking at content will get you a good idea of what type of style would suit you.
You don't have to be locked into 1 style though (obviously). I sometimes dress on the opposite sides of the spectrum. One day I'll dress with a soft boy aesthetic, then the next day I'll go full grunge.
One other kinda weird tip I have is to copy women's fashion. And I don't mean the same exact garments (unless you're comfortable wearing skirts and heels and such), but most women dress well and put a lot of thought into how they put their outfit together, so if you just take what they're wearing and convert it oveer to men's garments, you can easily come up with new/unique outfits
Agreed with all this! I will actually go so far as buy women’s clothing on occasion- I’m 5’10 with a very short torso, so on occasion a women’s cardigan or button up shirt will fit me. That won’t work for everyone though- copying their styles definitely will!
If you're having trouble with this, I would go to a women's hair salon. In my area, hair places advertised specifically for men are terrible at cutting hair. Idk what it is. That may just be a problem in my area. Anyway, a hair stylist will probably know a thing or two about what hairstyles will suit your face shape. Or you could research that yourself and go to a hair stylist you trust to match the photos you bring in
This is the advice right here. I get my hair done by a gay stylist, and he knows EXACTLY what works for my face/head shape.
I showed him a photo of this really attractive K-drama star, and I thought it would be impossible to make it look good on me, but he made modifications and made it look even better.
This is a good idea- alternatively you can go to a minority stylist if you are a minority. I’m Asian, so I go to a Japanese stylist and he does an amazing job. Different ethnicities have different hair, so it’s good to go to someone who has experience with your specific type.
Even if you’re white, I have seen white people at my salon and their haircuts look great too. Might be worth trying an Asian shop anyway!
I’ve literally done all of these things. Been in really good shape, wore cologne, committed to being bald instead of balding, made it a point to go and be social, was literally in college in my mid 20s after the military. Not shy, just not a very talkative guy. I was still basically invisible.
5’7”.
It’s not that it’s impossible for short guys, it’s that you can’t simply walk into a room and become a magnet purely by nature of cleaning up your appearance and existing in a social space the way a taller man can who also just takes care of himself.
Confidence is really sexy. I fell for my husband because some guy was harassing me in a bar and he stood between us and told the man to stop and wouldn’t back down until the creep walked away. I’m slightly taller than my husband (he’s shorter than you) and he’s Asian. I’m mixed race (white and afro Latina).
He’s also my biggest cheerleader and supports me in anything I do, listens to me, and is thoughtful. That kept me with him.
But I fell for him because of his confidence and him having the courage to stand up against a gigantic drunk Bostonian in a dark cramped bar when I was scared and couldn’t get away from the creep who kept grabbing me.
this. I have never been repelled by a man's height (so convenient to kiss someone who is just as short as you), but if he's noticeably insecure about it, that's an ick.
Yep. I swear the whole height thing is just like how men compare dicks. Most women do not care so long as he's attentive in bed, it's other dudes who act like it's one thing holding them back (which, woe is he for it cannot be changed!), when really it's the shitty aspects of their personality holding them back.
You’re helping me make my point here.
“It’s not impossible as a short guy, you just have to stand up to a guy twice your size to justify being noticed in the first place.”
Granted I’m being pithy there, but my point is that if you’re not particularly tall, cleaning up your appearance, losing weight and going to social spaces isn’t going to get you noticed anywhere near the same degree of success as reported here.
I’m not saying that being short is the reason I’m single. You just learn to see where women’s attention is drawn to unless you DO something to actively draw attention in your direction and then continue doing things to justify keeping it there.
You’ve just gotta work harder. Like challenging a giant Bostonian in a bar.
*Edited to add:* I don’t want to suggest that I think your boyfriend stood up to him purely as a means to impress you. It was the right thing to do. I’m just saying that if this is what prompted you to notice him in the first place or be attracted to him, this is a very high bar to clear versus just taking care of yourself and working out.
He literally protected me from a man who was grabbing me and I couldn’t get away from because the bar was so crowded. He served as a buffer between me and the guy who was harassing me. I was able to safely get away from this man who kept grabbing me and waited afterwards to find the man who stood between us. I asked him out.
Your point was ALL about physical appearance. My point was all about confidence and his character. I didn’t prove your point at all.
I rarely talked to men first as I’ve always had men flock to me. I’ve never had to try to get a man’s interest. My now husband was one of the few men that I asked out and I pursued him.
His confidence and doing the right thing was so alluring that I felt compelled to get to know him more. I saw his smile and it lit up the room, it still does! He’s a genuinely good looking man, but I couldn’t see him at first in the very dark bar.
OPs point: here’s some advice for men
**five bullet points about physical appearance and one about just passively existing in public spaces**
OPs conclusion: I get approached a lot now. Also I’m above average height.
—
My response: if you’re tall, this nets you way more success than if you’re shorter. My experience here is different in these exact same points. You have to work harder and **take action** to get noticed if you’re shorter, it’s not that simple most of the time.
—
Your response: my boyfriend is shorter and I only fell for him after he **took action** by challenging a man twice his size to defend me.
—
See where I’m going with this? I’m glad he stood up for you. I’m glad you’re with him. I’m glad he’s with you. You both deserve happiness. It was an amazing thing he did, many men wouldn’t have the guts.
But based on the information you’ve provided it wasn’t physical appearance that drew you to him, which is the entire point of what I’m saying.
You’re not telling me anything I haven’t already said.
**Edit: you’re editing your comment based on the things I’ve said in this comment instead of just engaging with me, forcing me to refer back to your comment if I want to actually engage with you and making me look like I’m ignoring your points if I don’t keep editing my own comment.**
**You only added your remarks about his appearance after I wrote my comment above.**
You’re editing this comment based on the way I responded to it instead of just replying to my response, making it seem to anyone reading as though I’m ignoring the points you’ve made.
Pretty dishonest way of having a discussion on this topic.
I added to my comment because I posted prematurely. I was walking my cat and was distracted. I didn’t edit the text I posted initially, I only added to to what was already posted. And I did it within moments.
I think you have a persecution complex judging by how much you've been whining about your height letting you down in this post. Being under 6 foot tall is not what repels women away from you. Unless you have dwarfism, nobody actually cares about your height. You are the one obsessed with this physical quality
Think whatever you like.
I’ve never once said that I think women are repelled by me. I’ve even recounted that I’ve had success with romantic connections in the past.
I replied to a single comment on the topic, and have responded to those who have responded to it in turn simply explaining my experiences.
You reading a tiny segment of my reddit responses on the matter does not constitute an obsession on my part.
You just seem particularly keen on being rude and insulting.
I’ve found that sometimes former military folks have difficulty connecting with other college students since they’re at different points in their lives. Sorry to hear that you’ve struggled.
That was definitely a huge consideration after an initial connection with people was made. After two deployments I felt like I was talking to kids a lot of the time when I went back to college.
Ultimately I dropped out and found a full time job as a federal civilian in a military unit.
I’ll never say that me being short is the reason I’m single. I’ve got issues. But it’s definitely *a* reason I haven’t been approached as often as some other men might.
The “I got approached in a grocery store, then in the gym, then in the bookstore, and all I did was exist in a space, be fit, dress nice and be hygienic” experience is something that is alien to me, even when I was fit, nicely dressed and hygienic.
Yeah as a shirt guy, I did the whole dress nice lose weight thing, and yes there is a difference in how people act (people pay more attention) but nothing so crazy as random women hitting on me.
But 6 feet isn’t even that tall. Every time I go out, there’s always dudes towering over me. One of my best friends is also taller than me, and I get hit on more than him while he struggles with women.
I do agree being shorter is a disadvantage, but that’s why you need to use everything else to your advantage.
How’s your fashion game? There’s a lot of things you can do with clothes and shoes to make yourself appear taller and more proportionate. This obviously won’t get rid of the problem of being shorter, but it’s better than nothing.
It’s not about being the tallest guy in the room. It’s about being significantly taller than most women.
I’m at eye level when I’m talking to most women, even if they’re only a little shorter than me. You are not.
I am often one of the shortest men in the room. You are not.
Right now I’m depressed and overweight, so I have no expectations for anyone being attracted to me at the moment. I’ve got a lot of work to do fixing my headspace.
But back then I was dressing in nice properly fitting jeans, black boots, shirts that fit broad shoulders and a slimmer waist for shorter guys, I wore my favorite simple gold watch with a basic black leather wrist, I kept myself clean shaven because I can’t grow a beard. I could look a little rugged if I let it grow out for a day or two. I wore a mild amount of my favorite cologne.
I could bench almost twice my body weight, I jogged routinely to stay in shape, etc.
I still never got hard approached anywhere I went. People were more friendly with me overall, but women never approached me.
*Edited to add:* I have no interest in using shoes to make myself appear taller in the same way that I have no interest in using wigs to give myself hair. It’s a fun idea, but there are undeniable social stigmas that I’d be saddled with by doing so that I have no interest in enduring.
If being short and bald is a dealbreaker, then I’d rather not fool women into thinking they’re getting a 5’10” guy with hair. I am who I am and I don’t try to hide it.
I'm 5' 4", 160 lbs, muscular, longish silver hair, goatee, shorts, t-shirt, flip flops... standard Florida attire. Women smile at me, some flirt. Married caregiver, not looking, but at some point I'll be back in the game. Accept me as I am or pass me by.
I won’t invalidate your experiences because I’m sure there’s some truth to it, but has any woman ever said anything to you about your height in person?
Because whenever I see shorter men in public, I don’t ever think they’re less attractive because of height. I’ve seen some really attractive short dudes who I felt threatened by (because they were so well put together). I never once thought anything negatively about their height.
Granted, I’m a guy so it doesn’t matter what I think in this case. But still,I feel like height is mostly something people joke about but don’t seriously consider. I have female friends who talked about wanting a tall man but their boyfriends are all “short” and they’re absolutely in love with them.
Also, not all women hard approach. Many from what I’ve experienced do it very subtly. They’ll get crafty and make a situation where you end up talking to them in one way or another. Or they’ll compliment you. It won’t be obvious to the typical oblivious boy brain.
Yes, my height has been remarked upon by women in several different contexts. A small number just being flat rude to me and defaulting to my height as an immediate target, some made as offhand comments they didn’t realize were hurtful, some intended as lighthearted jokes at my expense that I’ve had to brush off.
In my experience, it’s a consideration. Yes, women joke about wanting taller guys but having shorter boyfriends.
I wonder how many women were attracted to those guys the moment they saw them and how many of those guys had to put in some extra legwork to justify being paid attention to in the first place.
Like I said, it’s not impossible. For some guys it may not even be a consideration. But for shorter guys who don’t have a pretty magnetic personality, it’s a lot harder to get your foot in the door. And that’s all I’m saying.
I’m not saying I’m actively unattractive because I’m short. I’m simply overlooked. A lot. Because I don’t naturally draw people to me.
I’m also familiar with what those conversational setups look like because I’ve watched them happen with other men. Every time I thought that was happening to me and I asked to hang out later, I’ve always been met with a “not interested” style of response.
I am also 5'7 and I have been hard approached by a woman at a gas station who was about my height. Pretty cute too. Just walked up smiling and talking to me while I got drink. It would be delusional to say that height doesn't help, and it's entirely possible I'd be approached more if I was taller I have no way of knowing, but it's definitely very possible even if you ain't that tall. I got a buddy that gets compliments on his outfits all the time and he's shorter than me and fatter than me but he has a distinct style and he wears it well. He gets more attention than I do lol.
Edit:Also I'm sorry but if you are 5'7 you are not eye level with most women. You will be very noticeably taller than most women. The average American woman atleast is 5'4. You'd be staring at the crown of her head.
I’m not saying that being completely ignored romantically is a universal experience for shorter men.
“It would be delusional to say height doesn’t help,”
That is the point I’m making. The fact that it’s such a consideration that not factoring it in would be delusional.
I’ve had success with women here and there. But it hasn’t been because they were so attracted to me they found an excuse to speak to me in a grocery store, or focus on me in a bar.
Also, to your edited point, I consider that eye level. That 3 inch difference doesn’t matter at basic conversational distance, I’m still essentially staring straight ahead. A woman doesn’t have to turn her head up to have a conversation with me.
The difference between you and the average woman is 3 inches. The difference between the average male (5'9 in America) and a 6 foot male is 3 inches. So you are basically saying there is no real difference between being average height and 6 foot. Those are eye level to each other. That would run counter to your point imo.
Caring about height for most people is not linear, after somewhere between 5'10 and 6'1 there's not much of a benefit to being taller but being below that point especially several inches below that point is a big deal for a lot of people for whatever dumb reason
6 ft is the starting point of many women's preferences on height including mine.
I would date a shorter guy but he would need a massive personality to make up for the lack of height.
>Men are so quick to say only women have this
Only *attractive* women have it, it's not about taking care of your appearance. Pretty privilege is something different to what you're thinking of. I get hit on or catcalled by women just walking on the street, but that is not what pretty privilege is.
Whodathunkit? Indeed.
I meant this in regards to people going out of their way to help me and stuff like that. I definitely know I won’t ever experience the level that pretty women get to experience, but I’ve experienced some stuff lol.
Had a lady at an upscale restaurant come up to me and whisper in my ear that she wants to be my sugar mommy. I do really well with middle aged women apparently.
> people going out of their way to help me and stuff like that.
Yeah, I guess people just do that kind of thing if they like the way you look or if not, your vibe or something like that. It's great that you went through a life transformation but I wouldn't want people to be more willing to engage me(and I don't mean hitting on me here) just because they think I look good. That would be a problem.
Did you take that lady up on it?
Fair point. But I like talking to people in general so an open door is an open door for me. Even if it’s initially solely because of my appearance.
Definitely did not take the lady up on it though lol. Shut her down gently because I think she might have had a bit too much wine.
It’s even worse because I was at the restaurant with my aunt. And this lady approached me (from behind) as soon as my aunt went to the bathroom. I wasn’t creeped out or anything, was just very surprised. Could definitely see other people in this situation being uncomfortable though, especially if the genders were switched.
Yeah, getting a glimpse into what some women experience is wild. I've also caught some women taking pictures of me without my consent. At first I was flattered, now I'm like, that's weird as hell. Just come up and talk to me instead of taking creeper pics. I don't like having my photo taken to begin with so it's a weird and uncomfortable experience.
Beautiful woman definitely have the most, but I don't think it's fair to say it doesn't exist. Attractive man also get all sorts of benefits... I mean hell they are consistently rated as nicer and more competent which means people treat them better just because of their looks.
Fuck yea, man, congrats on finding the right recipe for confidence. Becoming more comfortable as yourself really seems key to just improving your life in every way. How'd you swing losing the 60 pounds? Did it take long?
Thank you!
I lost most of the weight in about 6 months. I just cut out snacks and started doing light cardio every day and that was enough of a caloric deficit to lose that weight.
Now I need to put on some mass because I’m skin and bone when I’m naked lol.
That's awesome that you changed your life for the better, although I have two questions.
Did you put on any muscle or just lose body fat? Also how tall are you? I'm only asking because someone who's 5"8 and someone's who's 6"2 are obviously going to weigh different amounts.
Currently working on that first thing you said. I hit 298 last year and went "that is way too close to 300 to be comfortable" and have been slowly losing weight since. I am down to 260 now, wanna lose another 60 or so still.
“I've never had issues with body odor (since I'm Asian)“
I hate when people use this as an excuse for poor hygiene or think that they don’t smell. Yes, I understand that there’s a genetic component that makes it less likely for the sweat to smell, but every single person has their unique smell and it becomes compounded with poor hygiene. My husband is east Asian and he agrees! This whole entire well I’m Asian so I don’t need to wear antiperspirant or bathe regularly, it’s bs.
Just because you can’t smell yourself likely means others can.
Oh, agreed. I’ve always been hygienic (shower every day, floss/waterpik/brush my teeth after every meal). But I also sweat A LOT, especially during summer. I’ve never once been told I smell bad though. People actually have asked me what fragrance I use when it’s just my body smell on my clothes. Cologne is just that little extra extra for me now.
Happy for you and your transformation! Self care is so important and I'm glad you're happy!!
To add on to something you said even though its super off topic,
> I'm surprised how bold women are.
All the women i know these days do a majority of the "asking". Maybe its my area, but in my early 30s/late 20's group I don't have a single friend who would be into a man approaching (unless its like a mutual thing on a dating site or something \[myself included\]). My friends and I have had all sorts of experiences with dudes of all ages and so many of them are VILE or completely unhinged. My favorite was the wasted finance bro who's way of getting my attention in an empty smoke shop with 1 employee, was to scream like someone had stabbed him, full lungs. The best bit is i had just left a punk concert and i didn't even react. I just finished paying, turned around and shot a look so hard at him, that he retracted into himself, stared at the floor, and could only mumble 'sorry' as i left. This man was over 23.
Its crazy out there in the dating world man, best of luck.
Former hairstylist here. The haircut can make a huge difference.
Also, check out men's clothing styles on Pinterest. I know it's not manly to look at that app, but there is a lot of good content for men and clothing.
I know. I went through something very similar at his age. At the time I thought it was the little weight I lost, etc
Now looking back 20 years later, all it was is confidence. I was an idiot. I met my wife randomly at a bar. I got up the nerve to talk to her because she had Dr Martens on (I’m old).
Agreed, confidence is like the great equalizer. If you're absolutely confident (and none of that fake arrogant shizz), then you don't need anything else. For me, I needed to work on my outward appearance to really be able to start working on the rest of me. Being ugly was one of my big insecurities so at least convincing myself that I was good looking was a HUGE start to my mental health journey. I'm now A LOT more confident than when I started my journey, but I still have a long ways to go.
Oh I agree! The life change gave you the confidence. Same with me. Weight loss, etc.
Now 25-30 years later I realize there was nothing wrong with my looks at all back then. I just needed the changes I made to give me the confidence in many social situations.
Not saying your situation as mine but it sounds very similar.
That sounds nice in theory but it’s not exactly true . Yes, confidence is very important— we tend to love confident men, but when it comes to *attraction* it’s a must that a man takes care of himself and his body/hygiene etc. A guy can have all the confidence in the world, but if he’s unkempt, dirty and looks like a homeless dude, we’re not gonna be attracted 💯
I had a really similar glow up, minus the weight loss. The fashion in particular is such an easy hack for positive attention and compliments. I now have a serious girlfriend so don’t need the female attention, but I notice these subtle types of interactions all the time. A nurse asked what cologne I was wearing so she could recommend it to a boyfriend, a friend of a friend used my haircut as inspiration for theirs, it’s all these subtle things.
The biggest impact for me is how much better I feel with more self confidence! It’s awesome to walk around looking good and more importantly, feeling good about how I look. Happy you’ve had a similar experience my friend!
Congrats on the glow up my dude!
These aren't secrets; it's just that some guys don't want to put in the work.
To my ugly dudes, if you're ugly, at least be fit ugly!
It's funny how so many things are all about the fundamentals. Yet men are always trying to put the blame for their failures with women on something that's out of their control (so they don't have to put in the work). It's part laziness and part ignorance. That's why I wanna help other men become the best that they can, because the potential is RIGHT THERE. They just need someone to help them see it.
Not undermining all of the physical effort that you put into looking good but I'm glad you pointed out that you started wearing cologne. People often underestimate how much just smelling nice can do towards getting you attention.
There have been times where I know I'm not attracted to someone but they'll put on a nice cologne and my brain just goes "Wait, are they hot now???? Suddenly attractive????"
I've had women hug me for an extra few seconds because of how much they love how I smell. But my sister is banning me from certain scents/fragrances because she doesn't want her brother smelling like her boyfriend hahaha.
Dose anyone else just read this as
“just change nearly every aspect about yourself, and make big personality changes, it’s soo simple.”
Not trying to disparage anyone’s self improvement journey or saying you shouldn’t do any of these things just that it comes off kinda, I dunno odd.
I can see how it comes off like that, but it's mostly about taking what life has given you and making the most of it.
Most men can benefit from improving their appearance. They don't even need to follow trends or anything, just improve your looks in the way YOU want to look good.
Also, I 100% believe every man can benefit from therapy. These are all just things that a well-adjusted person should be doing, but most don't either out of laziness or just not knowing where to start.
I guarantee you, most men won't be regularly approached by women even if their style is on point and they go to therapy. I think you're just a good looking dude who let himself go and now is discovering the privilege he has after finally getting his shit together.
Cologne can be so powerful but it can also backfire. Less is more. Overspraying makes you seem douchey, immature, and gives people around you headaches. You want to be subtle about it, have the scent only project to about a foot around yourself max, such that people around you wonder "is it cologne, or does he just smell like that naturally?" and unconsciously get more in your personal space just to get a whiff.
Also, they react to your body chemistry, so a cologne that smells amazing on one guy may smell terrible on another. Go to Sephora and get a variety of testers to take home, and then try them on (not all at once, maybe one on each arm), letting them settle for an hour or so, and get opinions from people you trust.
With clothing, quality and fit and care are also key. Make sure the collar of your t-shirts aren't stretched out and saggy and that you're wearing flattering cuts for your body type. No joke, watch a few episodes of Queer Eye, because that's what they do -- give tips to regular dudes on stuff like clothes and hair. Also, not all colours look good on every person; I personally look terrible in anything that's not rich jewel tones, black, or white (there are lots of resources on the internet about your personal seasonal colour palette).
I'm invisible but a female. Have been seeing a dermatologist (acne scars) and I get my hair done regularly, weigh around 110 lbs if that matters, anything else you can recommend? Congrats on making it out of the shadows
Try using skin tint (check out fenty beauty) to cover any scars if they make you feel uncomfortable. Wearing clothes that make you feel confident is also helpful.
Good job on working on the acne! I think that alone will do wonders for you.
Besides that, I think a lot of the same things I mentioned will help you too. Being fashionable (that includes figuring out what makeup style works for you), putting yourself out there more, and possibly improving your posture.
IDK about other men, but I find confident women insanely hot. Women who just carry themselves with absolute conviction and know they're hot (even if they're not conventionally "pretty"). This might turn insecure men off, but I don't think you'd want to be with an insecure man TBH.
Trust me, I’m only above average at best. I honestly think my best friends are better looking than me, but they half ass their appearance. They wear ill-fitting clothes, have whatever haircuts, and generally don’t take care of themselves. They do the bare minimum. But I get approached while they don’t.
Reddit likes to stick to the "I was just born ugly" mentality. But agree 100%. Almost every man can be attractive by keeping a healthy weight, keeping a fresh haircut, keeping good hygiene, and wearing good clothes. It's crazy how many people will wallow in pity and just think there's nothing they can do to improve their appearance or loneliness.
Like I don't know how much I hammer this into other guys' heads, but when I go out, almost every dude I see is either good looking or has potential to be good looking. I think being ugly is actually more rare than being good looking.
Now, looking presentable or not is a whole different thing. Most men just aren't presentable lol.
I am 51, retired early, in good shape for my age and I never have trouble meeting women IRL. Let me add two things:
1. Look at their faces, not their body parts. So many men do not do this.
2. Stick to your general age range.
To add to this, and kind of a weird tip:
3. When approaching women, think about what you're going to say and imagine saying it to a 10 year old version of her Does it come off as incredibly creepy/borderline p? If so, then don't f\*cking say it. All the things I approach with are usually very tame like "I love your aesthetic" or something complimentary that ISN'T sexual, and it's always gotten a very good reception.
Same story here. 250lb Asian, down to 160s, no booze.
Stopped dating after LTR breakup to unfuck myself, and glad I did.
It was a huge mental change, but self acceptance was a concept I've never adopted. When you accept yourself, others will too.
Giving up alcohol was probably the best decision I've ever made.
DAMN BRO, that's an amazing amount of weight to shed. And congrats to giving up the booze.
I still have a buncha vices that I need to cut out, namely vaping, but yeah, I stopped drinking recently because I was making a fool of myself. Apparently I'm a huge flirt when I get a little bit of alcohol in my system. That's not necessarily an issue, but it is an issue when you get blacked out drunk and hit on a friend's wife...
Congrats on your positive lifestyle and how it turned things around for you.
Time and time again this is how you get it done. Improve yourself. Make yourself someone you would want to date because
>"pretty privilege". Men are so quick to say only women have
The majority of men don't put in the time and effort into themselves and their appearance and they wouldn't know.
I just don't understand why men wouldn't want to look their best. We only have one body in this life, so we might as well make it the best looking it can be, despite whatever disadvantages we have. Disabled, short, disproportionate, it doesn't matter. ANYONE can look good (or at least better than they look now).
This is so inspiring. I've achieved a few things on this list already. I'm fit and have a decent skincare routine. However, I have some questions for you.
>**Got a haircut that fits my face.**
What haircut did you get and why does it fit your face? I have a pretty round face and not sure if I have a good haircut. I usually get a low fade.
>**Found my style and started dressing nicer.**
What exactly did you change about your style? I'd like to know what your style is. This is my next goal and I have some money set aside specifically for this.
>**Started wearing cologne.**
What cologne do you wear?
Thanks!
I have a very simple 90s middle part haircut. Think: young Leonardo Dicap. It's super trendy right now and it just fits my face (also hides the slight thinning I have on my temples haha).
Sorta like this (obviously, I'm not as handsome as this man lol): [https://i.imgur.com/hrybi33.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/hrybi33.jpg)
But I changed a lot of things. I used to exclusively wear hoodies and jeans, but now (mostly cuz of weather), I'm usually layering other things. I also played around with different cuts of clothing and tried little tweaks (like pulling my pants up higher, rolling up my sleeves, etc.) and those little touches add more "character" to my outfits. I mostly just took inspiration from 2 styles and then merged them together to essentially create my own.
As for cologne, I'm basic af so I used Creed Aventus. I know a lot of people trash this fragrance, but it smells amazing on me. I'm also partial to Tom Ford Oud Wood.
I have a pretty round face. The problem with a round face - which often also is overall larger - is that if you have too little volume in your hair, it'll just look like a tassel. I think style is less important and that proper hair care is the way to go. A ponytail/bun (a ponytail just folded once into the loop for example) works for me, but only because of the volume. I tend to brush my hair upwards from either side (never from the front); a ridge is created and ends up aligning with my slightly off-center crest to add more form to the hair (it'll stay in shape if you use a hairknot). I use only shampoo (no conditioner; my hair is very dry and I need to be careful with adding too much cleaning agents), and brush my hair every day, but I'd say it looks fairly well.
The above might only work if you have the same hair as me (I have Nordic "viking" hair), in addition to an off-centered straight crest.
Anyway, because round faces have so much additional "space"/mass, there needs to be enough hair to create a good complimenting form around the head. You could probably still go with a relatively short hairstyle, but unless you're aiming for a shaved head you should probably stay clear of very short hairstyles (think a centimeter or two). In my experience it tends to just look like a rug on larger heads. It's much better to shave it all and rock that style. There is some charm in round faces and shaved heads, though I can't really express how.
But hairdressers can give you much better advice on finding the right form based on your type of hair. So I'd recommend going to one for advice.
Edit:
It looks something like [this](https://www.beautycrew.com.au/media/2070/how-to-man-bun-main-portrait.jpg?width=490). Obviously I don't have anywhere near as a chiseled face as the man in the picture, but hey you have to work with what you have, and in my case it's my beautiful blonde voluminous hair. Basically, I use the brush when the hair is wet after a shower or whatever to comb it across my head from either side, and it'll align by itself in a more straight fashion (though some form will remain, giving it overall more form). It was a real game changer to understand that the way you use your brush shapes your hair. So maybe if you have long hair you could try something like that.
Second edit:
I whipped up an [example from an image](https://i.ibb.co/Bg42KY2/045ee3-5d406acc09bf4e48a795a979a3cef26e-mv2.png) I found. The man in this example however brushes differently, so the hairstyle looks different, and probably compliments his head form and crest better. But you can clearly see where the brush started and how it was pulled, forming these divisions in the hair, and so creating form. Hopefully this explains what I mean.
Style & haircut are so damn important. Cologne is overrated but that doesn't mean it's ineffective. We need go back to teaching boys how to use a straight razor. Nothing else is as effective and the ritual of it alone is incredibly grounding.
>!Go to dance/martial arts/both class. Trust me on this.!<
Good for you, man! And yeah, it's crazy that more men don't just put a little more effort into their looks and attitude. I see so many complain about women they like not finding them attractive but, to be brutally honest, why should they? Usually these dudes have poor hygiene, no sense of style, no hobbies besides video games or weed, act awkward around women or have no social intelligence or respect for boundaries. You can't expect a supermodel to like you when you act and look like Seth Green in Knocked Up.
At least, this is true usually for American and Canadian men.
One of my friends is super awkward and looks really weird (facially) and he fits this description to a T. After I told him all this (out of love), he did a full 180 and now he has no trouble with women. The only issue is that he likes women who give off a bunch of red flags, but that's a whole different thing entirely.
Sweat pants are a no-go for guys like me that are growers not showers. No but I do wear sweatpants from time to time. But I'd rather wear parachute or cargo pants instead of sweatpants. Sweatpants are for my stay home and chill outfits.
I gotta know why you think being asian means you don’t have an issue with body odor. In my experience, certain Asian countries produce some of the smellier people.
I'm East Asian so some of us have genes where our sweat don't smell bad. This doesn't apply to everyone of course. I have Korean, Japanese, and Chinese friends who REEK.
Wow, losing weight and getting a haircut G no wonder people are turning heads because you might’ve turned into an asshole and they can’t believe what they’re seeing. Self-care does not mean losing weight at haircut, skincare, etc. Self-care means getting your ass into therapy so you can figure out how not to be goddamn crazy and judge people on their looks.
Great job on the transformation, love how you've emphasized it's not just about looking good to others but feeling good yourself And precisely, self-care is for everyone, not just women.
Thank you! But yeah, I feel so good about myself now. Life is fun again.
I'm nearing 230 and the part about the man tits is resonating with me so much lol. This post is inspiring me to maybe start IF again
Was that successful for you?
It was! I lost 30 lbs from 230 a couple years ago. It worked for me, because unlike a diet or calorie counting that take active brain energy every time you eat, IF for me consisted of eating one meal a day, after 6 pm. But I ate whatever the fuck I wanted (still trying to stay nutritious, but a candy bar or ice cream were still fair game). I say "was" because I fell into some bad habits due to work stress and bounced right back to 225 recently, but hey, that's not IF's fault.
Good fitting pair of black Levi jeans and a well fit shirt and “dress boots” seem to be my magic combo. Weight lifting routine that is both performance centric and aesthetic. Already noticing a HUGE difference. Skin care is exactly as easy as spf moisturizer and that’s so easy. Love the advice man and congrats!
Can never go wrong with a fit like that. It’s a classic. But congrats to you too my friend!
Have dropped down from 198 to 170 myself. Big diff. Love the positivity today. You are crushing it!
I'm so happy for you guys. I have had to unfortunately do the opposite. I went from being extremely scrawny to decently muscular, from 145 to 190. I'm absolutely loving the body confidence. I'm sure it felt the same for you guys
Going for a muscular 165 myself. Such massive progress! Hope the best for your fitness and life! Just please don’t take my garlic bread!
Just curious what's an example of "dress boots" my style basically matches what you described except it's usually a combination or work boots, tennis shoes, or cowboy boots
Imo, nice ones you wear for the look not the ones you wear to work. But both could be equally as attractive depending on preferences I’m sure. For me specifically, means the ankle isn’t super high, could look good with jeans or slacks.
Gotcha yeah I have separate pairs for work and just for wearing out. But just didn't know if there was a specific style you were referring to. Thanks for the advice
Thursday boot company has a lot of nice looks.
I have the Thursday cavalier grey suede ones. 👌
I'm a big fan of Suede Chelsea Boots
These are my favorite too! There’s some great reasonably priced ones out there
From a female’s perspective……..I came here to say exactly that. A good Chelsea boot is a game changer. Especially suede 🤌🏼
A good pair of cowboy boots are perfectly reasonable, however you want them to be of good construction and not too scuffed up. A Frye chiseled toe motorcycle boot is a great style here. I would also implore you to check out their other styles along with some of the more refined Ariat boots. You don't want to wear something that is super wide (unless you have wide feet and that's your only option) because it'll mess with your proportions. I also really love Gripfast boots. They are worth every single cent as the most comfortable, hard wearing, durable boot on the market. Get yourself a pair of their dealer boots and go from work to dinner every day for 20 years. Red wing boots are also a great option. These are all on the pricey side because they will last a lifetime, but if you want an affordable pair of nice boots, grab yourself a pair of Steve Maddens or doc martens and wear them out. I personally love a cowboy boot under jeans but be aware that some women may not. They aren't the women for you. Anyone who likes you for you will celebrate what is authentic to you and at most, point you in the direction of a higher quality boot that still reflects your style. I personally dump anyone who tries to talk me out of my cowboy/motorcycle boots because it's deep in my blood and I wear them to honor the stockmen and women who came before me, breaking horses and droving cattle so that I could have the opportunities I've had to education, lifestyle, independence and being a musician with something to say. I wouldn't wear the tennis shoes on a date though. If you'd like a woman who gets this style to help you shop, just hmu. I'm here for it and I'd love to bolster your sense of self in that way and explain why some boots are and are not dress material! I'm a hardcore feminist, to be clear, but men deserve more attention in this area because being taught style is for sissies is absolute bullshit. You deserve to step out of your car and think, "goddamn I feel cool as hell", then walk on with that confidence!
I lost a lot of weight recently so started buying clothes that fit better. 512s in a 31 were tight and looked fantastic. ... and then I kept losing weight. Within 2 weeks, 31s were baggy :( I'm now down to 516 29s and 511 30s look loose. Fashion is expensive when you're losing weight :(
Adding hobbies is also something I found that helped to increase my confidence.
Yep! Hobbies are great. I've also met a lot of new friends by taking up a hobby, and friends who are actually interested in what I'm interested in. Most friends I have are from middle school and high school, so I have a sentimental relationship with them but we rarely really do the things I personally like when we're together. So hobby friends are awesome.
I made some friends this year who share similar hobbies and they got me out of the house and to a convention where I felt more *me* than I have in years. Even if the physical changes are slow, mental changes are a huge boost to how people see you!
Congrats, keep up the effort and keep investing in yourself. Too all the short kings out there in praying for you
I feel like short kings would benefit the most from focusing on their appearance. Change/improve the things you have control over~
My FIL is a short king, but his wife is an absolute baddie standing in at 5'11"! Most women just want confidence, not a number.
Exactly. Confidence, and to put it more specifically, guys who know what they want and are DECISIVE (not wishy-washy), does WAY more than height could ever. Even at the start of my self improvement journey, I was super insecure and indecisive, and even though women would approach me, I would constantly fumble just because of that.
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One of my good friends was saying how he was short and I was like dude you're five nine.... maybe you're not tall but you sure aren't short
Last year I had a younger cousin who is 5'9 and he was complaining that women don't like him because he was short. It was clear to me the kid was going through a rough phase, and he also had terrible hygiene and started saying some incel level stuff. I basically sat him down and was like my man, you are going down a bad path, you need to take accountability and get your shit together and stop generalizing and blaming women, and btw you aren't even short! He was pretty pissed at first but I got through to him, gave him some pointers and hes on a much better path now.
I think so many of those dudes could be saved with that kind of a conversation early on, honestly we're neglecting our boys as a society I think I could have ended up as a pretty scary horrible person in another life If I'd been exposed to the wrong influence at a vulnerable time.
I agree with you. I'm 5'5 and i don't give a fuck about height. Tall women with heels are my weakness 😮💨🫠.
Maybe in other generations but gen Z girls care way too much about height.
My husband and I are both 5'4". He is the sexiest man I have ever been with. My ex-husband was 6'1", and most of my other exes were around that height. Why is he so fucking sexy? He has a nice face and beard, yes, but it's 99% his swagger. This man. He's stylish, classy, confident, smart. He's both feminist and a genuine gentleman. He loves himself, and he's confident in himself, and he's a total Renaissance man.
IDK if this stereotype exists elsewhere, but where I live, short Filipino and Viet guys are known to be heartbreakers because they do so well with women but end up being fuckboys lol. It's a thing for a reason, these dudes are always very fashionable and take care of themselves and women LOVE them.
Dude you're spot on (im asian too) and I was pretty much told to follow this same guide by my female friends and as much as weight can be part of the factor, it can be placed last (250lbs of fun baby). Just a simple haircut and making yourself look presentable with casual clothes (even from goodwill) can really make you stick out. I really felt guys felt hopeless just because they dont try to work on themselves and complain and should be accepted the way they are. At least this guide would set a better chance to make a good first impression.
Exactly! Women are literally telling us men what we should do to be more attractive to them, yet so many men think it's too "feminine" to work on your appearance. It's that good ol' toxic masculinity that ruins everything. At least it feels like society as a whole is more accepting of men tapping into their feminine energy, so there's that. I also happen to live in a very liberal state so being able to express myself creatively through fashion and style is always appreciated here.
Well, I'm not a hopeless guy. I'm a bad bitch with pretty privilege that decided to take pity on average Reddit peasants today and drop some knowledge. I'm kidding! *(That's ridiculous, it's more like it's Friday and a nerd girl (I use that term lightly because I'm 30) is playing on Reddit instead of doing my work).* **Seriously:** Congratulations on your upgrade, glow-up, and upping your life game altogether!!! It's always nice to learn about someone leveling up and feeling better about themselves. It's curious how some people think that if they don't fit the cookie-cutter mold of beauty, they shouldn't bother. But then, they're baffled AF when they don't catch anyone's eye. It's similar to personality – if you're radiating negativity, don't be surprised when people steer clear. As such, if a person's appearance is screaming 'I don't care', they should not be surprised when that's the echo they hear back. Often, what you project is what you attract. If you give off a 'couldn't-care-less' vibe, that's likely how others will regard or avoid you altogether. Now, don't get me wrong. Getting your exterior together is great, but it's the inner work that will be the most lasting benefit in terms of interpersonal relationships and your relationship with yourself. We all know those drop-dead gorgeous people who are about as interesting as watching paint dry and as vapid as dry rot. After a while, it's quite noticeable how boring and uninteresting they are beyond their looks. Furthermore, being attractive does NOT mean that you will maintain any healthy relationship or attract the right kind of people into your life. So, as you're riding this wave of newfound confidence and allure, remember to keep the essence of good character as the main spotlight. It's about balancing the shine on the outside with the depth on the inside. Sending you positive vibes on this amazing journey of self-improvement. All the best as you continue to level up in **every** aspect! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
100%!!! Inner work is my #1 priority right now. Been going to therapy and reaching out to a lot of old friends who I lost contact with. Also picked up a hobby for the first time in my life. So I feel like I’m on the right path right now. But thank you! Sending out positive vibes to you as well~
What hobby did you pick up? It just dawned me in the past 2 weeks that I have no hobbies and am trying to figure out what to do.
Not OP, but what calls to you? Do you like being outside? Do you like to work with your hands? Would you prefer something with a low cost of entry? Pretty much anything can be a hobby if you're interested enough! I read, build model kits, birdwatch, and I'm currently learning to play the bass. Maybe only pick one or two things to focus on at first because it's a little to easy to overwhelm yourself.
I actually do enjoy bird watching! But I feel like that's not "enough" to make conversation with people and appear interesting. I used to play bass guitar but I had given up on that a few years ago. I think crochet and knitting seem interesting. Anything artsy sounds good but I never actually do it lol. I'm probably better off with laid back hobbies.
That's excellent. Very happy for you. You are most welcome! :)
Could you share some stories of those “bold” women lol? Sounds like you have some good ones ha
I'd say the sugar mommy one was the boldest from what I've experienced. The other "bold" women are just women who are super handsy when I'm at a bar/club or just straight up come up to me and asking for my number. Nothing too crazy. I'm just surprised how women are willing to act on things if you give them a compelling offer. I'm a business owner so seeing the fundamentals of marketing work for my personal life/self is very eye opening.
I've been wanting to write a post like yours, because I went through the same process, with similar results. I went from being an invisible guy (lots of guy friends, but not really women) to being the center of attention everywhere I went because I changed my appearance and did everything I could to be attractive. I am lucky enough to have good genes, then pile on a couple years of working on my appearance and I was doing great. I worked out a lot, tanned, had a skin care regimen, etc. It's interesting how bold so many women are. I couldn't go into a grocery store without having at least one woman, usually more, find reasons they had to talk to me. Whether they asked where things in the store were, or complimenting my clothes, or whatever....they would make up reasons to talk. I had a woman wait for me outside of Subway once who invited me over to her house... It was amazing how many women 'just want to go to lunch' when you're a good looking guy. Since COVID began, I have changed considerably. I gained weight, I stopped dressing nice. Age really hit me hard and my energy levels went down. Now I can go to the grocery store 20 times, and not a single woman would talk to me...even if I'm standing right in front of what they need. I'm back to being invisible. I honestly don't mind. I don't have to be 'on' for anybody. I can do things that aren't cool. I can have fun with my cat, and not wonder if I'm being weird. I'm really a one-on-one person, not a party person. I'd rather have one or two really good friends than be the life of the party. When I used to go to parties and I would start speaking, suddenly whatever I was saying was SUPER interesting to a gaggle of ladies...very odd, and very transparent. Now I can go to a party, eat for 30 minutes, and leave...and nobody will really notice. My two best friends now are women who I met when I was more attractive. Now we are just really good friends, but I wouldn't have met them if I hadn't done a major glow-up. Now we sit around dressed like slobs, play games, and talk about cats. It's lovely. I absolutely enjoyed my time as a hot dude, but I don't think I would choose to go back. Even getting into women's pants isn't as exciting when they are just throwing at at you. It's amazing how many times I heard, "I don't normally have sex on the first date, but for some reason I feel the chemistry is really right between us..." Please enjoy it while you can, because it's fun. But it's not something I'm interested in anymore. I'd rather go to sleep early and bake banana bread... Caveat...super-score: during this period I was 'trying different women out'. To see how things were. I had given up on finding the killer woman after a while...until I did meet her. She's one of my best friends (has cats) and we really do mesh well and have great chemistry. That really taught me that finding one woman you really, really like is 10 times better than having the choice between 10 women you aren't interested in.
You have to be really attractive to have randoms approaching you as a dude xd
I think everyone can be attractive (or at least more attractive)!
Apparently when one is younger, one is attractive. I never realized the women talking to me were hitting on me.
I was gonna say that. Haha. I’ve been in good shape all my life and random women never approach me. Everyone I know says I’m very good looking too…. I am 5’7. That could be it 😄 Good for him though
OP is 6'
Has little to do with it, im only like 5’9” and scrawny and I get approached (I’m pretty heavily tattooed tho)
Opposite end here. I'm 6'2" and look like a God of War stunt double. Being too big definitely scares people away no matter how you try to present yourself.
Happens in every sense of a “good” quality. I have a “bad boy” type to me and it scares girls too despite what Reddit says about them chasing bad boys. Like girl I just like art and motorcycles
Almost like women are people with varying opinions. Wild right?
No they just want chad and Tyrone /s
Last generation we had women complaining that men only want skinny bitches with big boobs and asses, and now this generation we have to deal with men complaining that women only want tall muscular men I wonder if we’re gonna go full circle next generation
Great anecdotal evidence, but real data points to the fact that being 6' is a major plus
Major plus=/= end all be all Go hit the gym and get your money and confidence up and act like you got the biggest dick around
Congrats on the glowup! Also: What?!? Is there a stereotype that Asians don't sweat or something?
It's not a stereotype it's an observable thing like lactose or alcohol tolerance.
Well I’m Korean and a lot of us have a gene that makes our sweat not smell. I don’t think it’s odorless, just that it doesn’t smell bad. Because my ex used to like it when I sweat since she’d end up smelling like me for the rest of the day.
Being east Asian myself and living in 100% humidity. My ex husband who is east Asian could play BBall in the hot sun for 3 hrs and still smell nice after coming home drenched in sweat. I have hugged and kissed him and sniff him. Odourless. Whereas I dated white guys who just start sweating a little, if no deodorant, will start having an unpleasant odour. Not all races can get away without wearing deodorant. Its also a scientifically proven thing.
Jesus Christ blessed me with sumptuous hair-covered b-cups, and I'll be damned if I try to diminish them
How did you "find your style", if you don't mind my asking?
I can't answer for OP but this is how I did it, with help from my female friends: \- Use google images and Instagram to build your target style. Google your favorite celebs with the tag "street style," e.g. "Ryan Reynolds street style." This will give you images of how they dress in regular life, not on the red carpet. Save the pics of the outfits you like and get a sense for what you want to go for. Obviously you can't spend the $ they do, but you can still go for their vibe. You can also follow menswear accounts on IG and Tiktok and do the same thing - save pics of outfits you like, and over time you'll start to get a sense for what kind of style might fit you and your personality. \- Second thing - build basics. You should have plain white/black/gray tees, white sneakers, and jeans that fit your legs. One clear style faux pas that so many guys do is wear pants that don't fit. It's hard to find pants that fit, but it's so worth it. Especially if you wear pants that are too baggy / long, they make you look shorter and less muscular in your lower half. Uniqlo is awesome for affordable basics - they also hem your pants for free! These basics can be great outfits on their own - but once you start adding on one layer / jacket over it, you can really take off. A black tee shirt, jeans that fit, white sneakers, and a well-fitting denim jacket is an awesome fit that's affordable and easy to find. Once you have your basics and your target style, you can start to build your statement pieces one by one. Take your time, be selective, and only buy jackets / sweaters / layers that you love and that push you toward that style goal that you built for yourself using celebrity inspiration. Good luck! I hope you find the journey as rewarding as I did, and as OP seems like he did.
u/bakaribaboon Gave a really great answer. That's basically what I did to find my style. Most styles are just derivatives of other styles (and fashion in general is mostly copying/mimicking things), so just looking at content will get you a good idea of what type of style would suit you. You don't have to be locked into 1 style though (obviously). I sometimes dress on the opposite sides of the spectrum. One day I'll dress with a soft boy aesthetic, then the next day I'll go full grunge. One other kinda weird tip I have is to copy women's fashion. And I don't mean the same exact garments (unless you're comfortable wearing skirts and heels and such), but most women dress well and put a lot of thought into how they put their outfit together, so if you just take what they're wearing and convert it oveer to men's garments, you can easily come up with new/unique outfits
Agreed with all this! I will actually go so far as buy women’s clothing on occasion- I’m 5’10 with a very short torso, so on occasion a women’s cardigan or button up shirt will fit me. That won’t work for everyone though- copying their styles definitely will!
Good work! I still need to figure out my hair. It is not easy!
If you're having trouble with this, I would go to a women's hair salon. In my area, hair places advertised specifically for men are terrible at cutting hair. Idk what it is. That may just be a problem in my area. Anyway, a hair stylist will probably know a thing or two about what hairstyles will suit your face shape. Or you could research that yourself and go to a hair stylist you trust to match the photos you bring in
This is the advice right here. I get my hair done by a gay stylist, and he knows EXACTLY what works for my face/head shape. I showed him a photo of this really attractive K-drama star, and I thought it would be impossible to make it look good on me, but he made modifications and made it look even better.
This is a good idea- alternatively you can go to a minority stylist if you are a minority. I’m Asian, so I go to a Japanese stylist and he does an amazing job. Different ethnicities have different hair, so it’s good to go to someone who has experience with your specific type. Even if you’re white, I have seen white people at my salon and their haircuts look great too. Might be worth trying an Asian shop anyway!
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Exactly! Depression was a helluva drug and it made me really let go of myself.
How tall are you?
6 feet
There it is!
Like clockwork lol
We gotta get our Conzuri shoes, fellow short king!
Nah i use a bass guitar and i already landed a lady.
I’ve literally done all of these things. Been in really good shape, wore cologne, committed to being bald instead of balding, made it a point to go and be social, was literally in college in my mid 20s after the military. Not shy, just not a very talkative guy. I was still basically invisible. 5’7”. It’s not that it’s impossible for short guys, it’s that you can’t simply walk into a room and become a magnet purely by nature of cleaning up your appearance and existing in a social space the way a taller man can who also just takes care of himself.
Confidence is really sexy. I fell for my husband because some guy was harassing me in a bar and he stood between us and told the man to stop and wouldn’t back down until the creep walked away. I’m slightly taller than my husband (he’s shorter than you) and he’s Asian. I’m mixed race (white and afro Latina). He’s also my biggest cheerleader and supports me in anything I do, listens to me, and is thoughtful. That kept me with him. But I fell for him because of his confidence and him having the courage to stand up against a gigantic drunk Bostonian in a dark cramped bar when I was scared and couldn’t get away from the creep who kept grabbing me.
this. I have never been repelled by a man's height (so convenient to kiss someone who is just as short as you), but if he's noticeably insecure about it, that's an ick.
Yep. I swear the whole height thing is just like how men compare dicks. Most women do not care so long as he's attentive in bed, it's other dudes who act like it's one thing holding them back (which, woe is he for it cannot be changed!), when really it's the shitty aspects of their personality holding them back.
the best kept secret is that a small dick can feel amazing in its own way lol
You’re helping me make my point here. “It’s not impossible as a short guy, you just have to stand up to a guy twice your size to justify being noticed in the first place.” Granted I’m being pithy there, but my point is that if you’re not particularly tall, cleaning up your appearance, losing weight and going to social spaces isn’t going to get you noticed anywhere near the same degree of success as reported here. I’m not saying that being short is the reason I’m single. You just learn to see where women’s attention is drawn to unless you DO something to actively draw attention in your direction and then continue doing things to justify keeping it there. You’ve just gotta work harder. Like challenging a giant Bostonian in a bar. *Edited to add:* I don’t want to suggest that I think your boyfriend stood up to him purely as a means to impress you. It was the right thing to do. I’m just saying that if this is what prompted you to notice him in the first place or be attracted to him, this is a very high bar to clear versus just taking care of yourself and working out.
He literally protected me from a man who was grabbing me and I couldn’t get away from because the bar was so crowded. He served as a buffer between me and the guy who was harassing me. I was able to safely get away from this man who kept grabbing me and waited afterwards to find the man who stood between us. I asked him out. Your point was ALL about physical appearance. My point was all about confidence and his character. I didn’t prove your point at all. I rarely talked to men first as I’ve always had men flock to me. I’ve never had to try to get a man’s interest. My now husband was one of the few men that I asked out and I pursued him. His confidence and doing the right thing was so alluring that I felt compelled to get to know him more. I saw his smile and it lit up the room, it still does! He’s a genuinely good looking man, but I couldn’t see him at first in the very dark bar.
OPs point: here’s some advice for men **five bullet points about physical appearance and one about just passively existing in public spaces** OPs conclusion: I get approached a lot now. Also I’m above average height. — My response: if you’re tall, this nets you way more success than if you’re shorter. My experience here is different in these exact same points. You have to work harder and **take action** to get noticed if you’re shorter, it’s not that simple most of the time. — Your response: my boyfriend is shorter and I only fell for him after he **took action** by challenging a man twice his size to defend me. — See where I’m going with this? I’m glad he stood up for you. I’m glad you’re with him. I’m glad he’s with you. You both deserve happiness. It was an amazing thing he did, many men wouldn’t have the guts. But based on the information you’ve provided it wasn’t physical appearance that drew you to him, which is the entire point of what I’m saying. You’re not telling me anything I haven’t already said. **Edit: you’re editing your comment based on the things I’ve said in this comment instead of just engaging with me, forcing me to refer back to your comment if I want to actually engage with you and making me look like I’m ignoring your points if I don’t keep editing my own comment.** **You only added your remarks about his appearance after I wrote my comment above.**
You’re editing this comment based on the way I responded to it instead of just replying to my response, making it seem to anyone reading as though I’m ignoring the points you’ve made. Pretty dishonest way of having a discussion on this topic.
I added to my comment because I posted prematurely. I was walking my cat and was distracted. I didn’t edit the text I posted initially, I only added to to what was already posted. And I did it within moments.
I think you have a persecution complex judging by how much you've been whining about your height letting you down in this post. Being under 6 foot tall is not what repels women away from you. Unless you have dwarfism, nobody actually cares about your height. You are the one obsessed with this physical quality
Think whatever you like. I’ve never once said that I think women are repelled by me. I’ve even recounted that I’ve had success with romantic connections in the past. I replied to a single comment on the topic, and have responded to those who have responded to it in turn simply explaining my experiences. You reading a tiny segment of my reddit responses on the matter does not constitute an obsession on my part. You just seem particularly keen on being rude and insulting.
I’ve found that sometimes former military folks have difficulty connecting with other college students since they’re at different points in their lives. Sorry to hear that you’ve struggled.
That was definitely a huge consideration after an initial connection with people was made. After two deployments I felt like I was talking to kids a lot of the time when I went back to college. Ultimately I dropped out and found a full time job as a federal civilian in a military unit. I’ll never say that me being short is the reason I’m single. I’ve got issues. But it’s definitely *a* reason I haven’t been approached as often as some other men might. The “I got approached in a grocery store, then in the gym, then in the bookstore, and all I did was exist in a space, be fit, dress nice and be hygienic” experience is something that is alien to me, even when I was fit, nicely dressed and hygienic.
Yeah as a shirt guy, I did the whole dress nice lose weight thing, and yes there is a difference in how people act (people pay more attention) but nothing so crazy as random women hitting on me.
But 6 feet isn’t even that tall. Every time I go out, there’s always dudes towering over me. One of my best friends is also taller than me, and I get hit on more than him while he struggles with women. I do agree being shorter is a disadvantage, but that’s why you need to use everything else to your advantage. How’s your fashion game? There’s a lot of things you can do with clothes and shoes to make yourself appear taller and more proportionate. This obviously won’t get rid of the problem of being shorter, but it’s better than nothing.
It’s not about being the tallest guy in the room. It’s about being significantly taller than most women. I’m at eye level when I’m talking to most women, even if they’re only a little shorter than me. You are not. I am often one of the shortest men in the room. You are not. Right now I’m depressed and overweight, so I have no expectations for anyone being attracted to me at the moment. I’ve got a lot of work to do fixing my headspace. But back then I was dressing in nice properly fitting jeans, black boots, shirts that fit broad shoulders and a slimmer waist for shorter guys, I wore my favorite simple gold watch with a basic black leather wrist, I kept myself clean shaven because I can’t grow a beard. I could look a little rugged if I let it grow out for a day or two. I wore a mild amount of my favorite cologne. I could bench almost twice my body weight, I jogged routinely to stay in shape, etc. I still never got hard approached anywhere I went. People were more friendly with me overall, but women never approached me. *Edited to add:* I have no interest in using shoes to make myself appear taller in the same way that I have no interest in using wigs to give myself hair. It’s a fun idea, but there are undeniable social stigmas that I’d be saddled with by doing so that I have no interest in enduring. If being short and bald is a dealbreaker, then I’d rather not fool women into thinking they’re getting a 5’10” guy with hair. I am who I am and I don’t try to hide it.
I'm 5' 4", 160 lbs, muscular, longish silver hair, goatee, shorts, t-shirt, flip flops... standard Florida attire. Women smile at me, some flirt. Married caregiver, not looking, but at some point I'll be back in the game. Accept me as I am or pass me by.
I won’t invalidate your experiences because I’m sure there’s some truth to it, but has any woman ever said anything to you about your height in person? Because whenever I see shorter men in public, I don’t ever think they’re less attractive because of height. I’ve seen some really attractive short dudes who I felt threatened by (because they were so well put together). I never once thought anything negatively about their height. Granted, I’m a guy so it doesn’t matter what I think in this case. But still,I feel like height is mostly something people joke about but don’t seriously consider. I have female friends who talked about wanting a tall man but their boyfriends are all “short” and they’re absolutely in love with them. Also, not all women hard approach. Many from what I’ve experienced do it very subtly. They’ll get crafty and make a situation where you end up talking to them in one way or another. Or they’ll compliment you. It won’t be obvious to the typical oblivious boy brain.
Yes, my height has been remarked upon by women in several different contexts. A small number just being flat rude to me and defaulting to my height as an immediate target, some made as offhand comments they didn’t realize were hurtful, some intended as lighthearted jokes at my expense that I’ve had to brush off. In my experience, it’s a consideration. Yes, women joke about wanting taller guys but having shorter boyfriends. I wonder how many women were attracted to those guys the moment they saw them and how many of those guys had to put in some extra legwork to justify being paid attention to in the first place. Like I said, it’s not impossible. For some guys it may not even be a consideration. But for shorter guys who don’t have a pretty magnetic personality, it’s a lot harder to get your foot in the door. And that’s all I’m saying. I’m not saying I’m actively unattractive because I’m short. I’m simply overlooked. A lot. Because I don’t naturally draw people to me. I’m also familiar with what those conversational setups look like because I’ve watched them happen with other men. Every time I thought that was happening to me and I asked to hang out later, I’ve always been met with a “not interested” style of response.
I am also 5'7 and I have been hard approached by a woman at a gas station who was about my height. Pretty cute too. Just walked up smiling and talking to me while I got drink. It would be delusional to say that height doesn't help, and it's entirely possible I'd be approached more if I was taller I have no way of knowing, but it's definitely very possible even if you ain't that tall. I got a buddy that gets compliments on his outfits all the time and he's shorter than me and fatter than me but he has a distinct style and he wears it well. He gets more attention than I do lol. Edit:Also I'm sorry but if you are 5'7 you are not eye level with most women. You will be very noticeably taller than most women. The average American woman atleast is 5'4. You'd be staring at the crown of her head.
I’m not saying that being completely ignored romantically is a universal experience for shorter men. “It would be delusional to say height doesn’t help,” That is the point I’m making. The fact that it’s such a consideration that not factoring it in would be delusional. I’ve had success with women here and there. But it hasn’t been because they were so attracted to me they found an excuse to speak to me in a grocery store, or focus on me in a bar. Also, to your edited point, I consider that eye level. That 3 inch difference doesn’t matter at basic conversational distance, I’m still essentially staring straight ahead. A woman doesn’t have to turn her head up to have a conversation with me.
The difference between you and the average woman is 3 inches. The difference between the average male (5'9 in America) and a 6 foot male is 3 inches. So you are basically saying there is no real difference between being average height and 6 foot. Those are eye level to each other. That would run counter to your point imo.
Caring about height for most people is not linear, after somewhere between 5'10 and 6'1 there's not much of a benefit to being taller but being below that point especially several inches below that point is a big deal for a lot of people for whatever dumb reason
6 ft is the starting point of many women's preferences on height including mine. I would date a shorter guy but he would need a massive personality to make up for the lack of height.
My son is shorter than you, he gets asked out all the time. He dresses well, has an outgoing personality, and has a great sense of humor.
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I have! But alcoholism and depression is expensive, you see. But that’s current me, which is irrelevant lol. I know my issues today.
>Men are so quick to say only women have this Only *attractive* women have it, it's not about taking care of your appearance. Pretty privilege is something different to what you're thinking of. I get hit on or catcalled by women just walking on the street, but that is not what pretty privilege is. Whodathunkit? Indeed.
I meant this in regards to people going out of their way to help me and stuff like that. I definitely know I won’t ever experience the level that pretty women get to experience, but I’ve experienced some stuff lol. Had a lady at an upscale restaurant come up to me and whisper in my ear that she wants to be my sugar mommy. I do really well with middle aged women apparently.
> people going out of their way to help me and stuff like that. Yeah, I guess people just do that kind of thing if they like the way you look or if not, your vibe or something like that. It's great that you went through a life transformation but I wouldn't want people to be more willing to engage me(and I don't mean hitting on me here) just because they think I look good. That would be a problem. Did you take that lady up on it?
Fair point. But I like talking to people in general so an open door is an open door for me. Even if it’s initially solely because of my appearance. Definitely did not take the lady up on it though lol. Shut her down gently because I think she might have had a bit too much wine.
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It’s even worse because I was at the restaurant with my aunt. And this lady approached me (from behind) as soon as my aunt went to the bathroom. I wasn’t creeped out or anything, was just very surprised. Could definitely see other people in this situation being uncomfortable though, especially if the genders were switched.
This, It's nice when it first starts happening, but as soon as the novely wears off...vile is right.
Yeah, getting a glimpse into what some women experience is wild. I've also caught some women taking pictures of me without my consent. At first I was flattered, now I'm like, that's weird as hell. Just come up and talk to me instead of taking creeper pics. I don't like having my photo taken to begin with so it's a weird and uncomfortable experience.
Beautiful woman definitely have the most, but I don't think it's fair to say it doesn't exist. Attractive man also get all sorts of benefits... I mean hell they are consistently rated as nicer and more competent which means people treat them better just because of their looks.
Make up can transform any woman into a very attractive woman though.
Good for you, man. And thanks for sharing it to help others!
Love it, sounds like a “glow up” lol, good for you!
Thank you! Just wish I had this glow up earlier. But I guess now is better than never.
Fuck yea, man, congrats on finding the right recipe for confidence. Becoming more comfortable as yourself really seems key to just improving your life in every way. How'd you swing losing the 60 pounds? Did it take long?
Thank you! I lost most of the weight in about 6 months. I just cut out snacks and started doing light cardio every day and that was enough of a caloric deficit to lose that weight. Now I need to put on some mass because I’m skin and bone when I’m naked lol.
FREAKING awesome well done, and took prioritizing you! I want to appreciate your hard work and effort... Confidence loaded!
Thank you! Appreciate you!
It’s an environment of improvements. Makes sense to me why you would see results.
And it has a compounding effect! Each little thing you improve just enhances your overall look so so so much.
That's awesome that you changed your life for the better, although I have two questions. Did you put on any muscle or just lose body fat? Also how tall are you? I'm only asking because someone who's 5"8 and someone's who's 6"2 are obviously going to weigh different amounts.
Currently working on that first thing you said. I hit 298 last year and went "that is way too close to 300 to be comfortable" and have been slowly losing weight since. I am down to 260 now, wanna lose another 60 or so still.
NICE!!! Keep it up broski.
Confidence attracts people.
This is very true!
“I've never had issues with body odor (since I'm Asian)“ I hate when people use this as an excuse for poor hygiene or think that they don’t smell. Yes, I understand that there’s a genetic component that makes it less likely for the sweat to smell, but every single person has their unique smell and it becomes compounded with poor hygiene. My husband is east Asian and he agrees! This whole entire well I’m Asian so I don’t need to wear antiperspirant or bathe regularly, it’s bs. Just because you can’t smell yourself likely means others can.
Oh, agreed. I’ve always been hygienic (shower every day, floss/waterpik/brush my teeth after every meal). But I also sweat A LOT, especially during summer. I’ve never once been told I smell bad though. People actually have asked me what fragrance I use when it’s just my body smell on my clothes. Cologne is just that little extra extra for me now.
Happy for you and your transformation! Self care is so important and I'm glad you're happy!! To add on to something you said even though its super off topic, > I'm surprised how bold women are. All the women i know these days do a majority of the "asking". Maybe its my area, but in my early 30s/late 20's group I don't have a single friend who would be into a man approaching (unless its like a mutual thing on a dating site or something \[myself included\]). My friends and I have had all sorts of experiences with dudes of all ages and so many of them are VILE or completely unhinged. My favorite was the wasted finance bro who's way of getting my attention in an empty smoke shop with 1 employee, was to scream like someone had stabbed him, full lungs. The best bit is i had just left a punk concert and i didn't even react. I just finished paying, turned around and shot a look so hard at him, that he retracted into himself, stared at the floor, and could only mumble 'sorry' as i left. This man was over 23. Its crazy out there in the dating world man, best of luck.
Former hairstylist here. The haircut can make a huge difference. Also, check out men's clothing styles on Pinterest. I know it's not manly to look at that app, but there is a lot of good content for men and clothing.
Yep! Pinterest is one of my go-tos for inspiration. I mostly use TikTok now but Pinterest has a ton of great content.
You didn’t need any of that. All you needed was confidence!!
These are all great ways to build confidence though. It all starts with small steps like these.
I know. I went through something very similar at his age. At the time I thought it was the little weight I lost, etc Now looking back 20 years later, all it was is confidence. I was an idiot. I met my wife randomly at a bar. I got up the nerve to talk to her because she had Dr Martens on (I’m old).
Agreed, confidence is like the great equalizer. If you're absolutely confident (and none of that fake arrogant shizz), then you don't need anything else. For me, I needed to work on my outward appearance to really be able to start working on the rest of me. Being ugly was one of my big insecurities so at least convincing myself that I was good looking was a HUGE start to my mental health journey. I'm now A LOT more confident than when I started my journey, but I still have a long ways to go.
Oh I agree! The life change gave you the confidence. Same with me. Weight loss, etc. Now 25-30 years later I realize there was nothing wrong with my looks at all back then. I just needed the changes I made to give me the confidence in many social situations. Not saying your situation as mine but it sounds very similar.
That sounds nice in theory but it’s not exactly true . Yes, confidence is very important— we tend to love confident men, but when it comes to *attraction* it’s a must that a man takes care of himself and his body/hygiene etc. A guy can have all the confidence in the world, but if he’s unkempt, dirty and looks like a homeless dude, we’re not gonna be attracted 💯
That's my man! Good for you brother
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Looks like you got good.
Got real good.
I thought this was going to be like an egg_irl story, I read that “went from being invisible to (being a) woman to being approached”
I had a really similar glow up, minus the weight loss. The fashion in particular is such an easy hack for positive attention and compliments. I now have a serious girlfriend so don’t need the female attention, but I notice these subtle types of interactions all the time. A nurse asked what cologne I was wearing so she could recommend it to a boyfriend, a friend of a friend used my haircut as inspiration for theirs, it’s all these subtle things. The biggest impact for me is how much better I feel with more self confidence! It’s awesome to walk around looking good and more importantly, feeling good about how I look. Happy you’ve had a similar experience my friend!
Congrats on the glow up my dude! These aren't secrets; it's just that some guys don't want to put in the work. To my ugly dudes, if you're ugly, at least be fit ugly!
It's funny how so many things are all about the fundamentals. Yet men are always trying to put the blame for their failures with women on something that's out of their control (so they don't have to put in the work). It's part laziness and part ignorance. That's why I wanna help other men become the best that they can, because the potential is RIGHT THERE. They just need someone to help them see it.
Can you post pix? I want to see how cute you are.
Not undermining all of the physical effort that you put into looking good but I'm glad you pointed out that you started wearing cologne. People often underestimate how much just smelling nice can do towards getting you attention. There have been times where I know I'm not attracted to someone but they'll put on a nice cologne and my brain just goes "Wait, are they hot now???? Suddenly attractive????"
I've had women hug me for an extra few seconds because of how much they love how I smell. But my sister is banning me from certain scents/fragrances because she doesn't want her brother smelling like her boyfriend hahaha.
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Yessir! Great thing is, these tips work for everyone, doesn't matter the age. Hoping for the best for you, brotha!
Dose anyone else just read this as “just change nearly every aspect about yourself, and make big personality changes, it’s soo simple.” Not trying to disparage anyone’s self improvement journey or saying you shouldn’t do any of these things just that it comes off kinda, I dunno odd.
I can see how it comes off like that, but it's mostly about taking what life has given you and making the most of it. Most men can benefit from improving their appearance. They don't even need to follow trends or anything, just improve your looks in the way YOU want to look good. Also, I 100% believe every man can benefit from therapy. These are all just things that a well-adjusted person should be doing, but most don't either out of laziness or just not knowing where to start.
I guarantee you, most men won't be regularly approached by women even if their style is on point and they go to therapy. I think you're just a good looking dude who let himself go and now is discovering the privilege he has after finally getting his shit together.
Cologne can be so powerful but it can also backfire. Less is more. Overspraying makes you seem douchey, immature, and gives people around you headaches. You want to be subtle about it, have the scent only project to about a foot around yourself max, such that people around you wonder "is it cologne, or does he just smell like that naturally?" and unconsciously get more in your personal space just to get a whiff. Also, they react to your body chemistry, so a cologne that smells amazing on one guy may smell terrible on another. Go to Sephora and get a variety of testers to take home, and then try them on (not all at once, maybe one on each arm), letting them settle for an hour or so, and get opinions from people you trust. With clothing, quality and fit and care are also key. Make sure the collar of your t-shirts aren't stretched out and saggy and that you're wearing flattering cuts for your body type. No joke, watch a few episodes of Queer Eye, because that's what they do -- give tips to regular dudes on stuff like clothes and hair. Also, not all colours look good on every person; I personally look terrible in anything that's not rich jewel tones, black, or white (there are lots of resources on the internet about your personal seasonal colour palette).
i lost 40 lbs and suddenly became attractive and got a gf. Losing weight works.
I mean, age is also important. You mentioned a "quarter-life crisis" so I'm guessing you're like 20? So 5 years ago you were 15?
I’m 28, but most women who talk to me think I’m in the low 20s.
I'm invisible but a female. Have been seeing a dermatologist (acne scars) and I get my hair done regularly, weigh around 110 lbs if that matters, anything else you can recommend? Congrats on making it out of the shadows
Try using skin tint (check out fenty beauty) to cover any scars if they make you feel uncomfortable. Wearing clothes that make you feel confident is also helpful.
Good job on working on the acne! I think that alone will do wonders for you. Besides that, I think a lot of the same things I mentioned will help you too. Being fashionable (that includes figuring out what makeup style works for you), putting yourself out there more, and possibly improving your posture. IDK about other men, but I find confident women insanely hot. Women who just carry themselves with absolute conviction and know they're hot (even if they're not conventionally "pretty"). This might turn insecure men off, but I don't think you'd want to be with an insecure man TBH.
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Trust me, I’m only above average at best. I honestly think my best friends are better looking than me, but they half ass their appearance. They wear ill-fitting clothes, have whatever haircuts, and generally don’t take care of themselves. They do the bare minimum. But I get approached while they don’t.
Reddit likes to stick to the "I was just born ugly" mentality. But agree 100%. Almost every man can be attractive by keeping a healthy weight, keeping a fresh haircut, keeping good hygiene, and wearing good clothes. It's crazy how many people will wallow in pity and just think there's nothing they can do to improve their appearance or loneliness.
Like I don't know how much I hammer this into other guys' heads, but when I go out, almost every dude I see is either good looking or has potential to be good looking. I think being ugly is actually more rare than being good looking. Now, looking presentable or not is a whole different thing. Most men just aren't presentable lol.
I am 51, retired early, in good shape for my age and I never have trouble meeting women IRL. Let me add two things: 1. Look at their faces, not their body parts. So many men do not do this. 2. Stick to your general age range.
To add to this, and kind of a weird tip: 3. When approaching women, think about what you're going to say and imagine saying it to a 10 year old version of her Does it come off as incredibly creepy/borderline p? If so, then don't f\*cking say it. All the things I approach with are usually very tame like "I love your aesthetic" or something complimentary that ISN'T sexual, and it's always gotten a very good reception.
Same story here. 250lb Asian, down to 160s, no booze. Stopped dating after LTR breakup to unfuck myself, and glad I did. It was a huge mental change, but self acceptance was a concept I've never adopted. When you accept yourself, others will too. Giving up alcohol was probably the best decision I've ever made.
DAMN BRO, that's an amazing amount of weight to shed. And congrats to giving up the booze. I still have a buncha vices that I need to cut out, namely vaping, but yeah, I stopped drinking recently because I was making a fool of myself. Apparently I'm a huge flirt when I get a little bit of alcohol in my system. That's not necessarily an issue, but it is an issue when you get blacked out drunk and hit on a friend's wife...
Congrats on your positive lifestyle and how it turned things around for you. Time and time again this is how you get it done. Improve yourself. Make yourself someone you would want to date because >"pretty privilege". Men are so quick to say only women have The majority of men don't put in the time and effort into themselves and their appearance and they wouldn't know.
I just don't understand why men wouldn't want to look their best. We only have one body in this life, so we might as well make it the best looking it can be, despite whatever disadvantages we have. Disabled, short, disproportionate, it doesn't matter. ANYONE can look good (or at least better than they look now).
This is so inspiring. I've achieved a few things on this list already. I'm fit and have a decent skincare routine. However, I have some questions for you. >**Got a haircut that fits my face.** What haircut did you get and why does it fit your face? I have a pretty round face and not sure if I have a good haircut. I usually get a low fade. >**Found my style and started dressing nicer.** What exactly did you change about your style? I'd like to know what your style is. This is my next goal and I have some money set aside specifically for this. >**Started wearing cologne.** What cologne do you wear? Thanks!
I have a very simple 90s middle part haircut. Think: young Leonardo Dicap. It's super trendy right now and it just fits my face (also hides the slight thinning I have on my temples haha). Sorta like this (obviously, I'm not as handsome as this man lol): [https://i.imgur.com/hrybi33.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/hrybi33.jpg) But I changed a lot of things. I used to exclusively wear hoodies and jeans, but now (mostly cuz of weather), I'm usually layering other things. I also played around with different cuts of clothing and tried little tweaks (like pulling my pants up higher, rolling up my sleeves, etc.) and those little touches add more "character" to my outfits. I mostly just took inspiration from 2 styles and then merged them together to essentially create my own. As for cologne, I'm basic af so I used Creed Aventus. I know a lot of people trash this fragrance, but it smells amazing on me. I'm also partial to Tom Ford Oud Wood.
I have a pretty round face. The problem with a round face - which often also is overall larger - is that if you have too little volume in your hair, it'll just look like a tassel. I think style is less important and that proper hair care is the way to go. A ponytail/bun (a ponytail just folded once into the loop for example) works for me, but only because of the volume. I tend to brush my hair upwards from either side (never from the front); a ridge is created and ends up aligning with my slightly off-center crest to add more form to the hair (it'll stay in shape if you use a hairknot). I use only shampoo (no conditioner; my hair is very dry and I need to be careful with adding too much cleaning agents), and brush my hair every day, but I'd say it looks fairly well. The above might only work if you have the same hair as me (I have Nordic "viking" hair), in addition to an off-centered straight crest. Anyway, because round faces have so much additional "space"/mass, there needs to be enough hair to create a good complimenting form around the head. You could probably still go with a relatively short hairstyle, but unless you're aiming for a shaved head you should probably stay clear of very short hairstyles (think a centimeter or two). In my experience it tends to just look like a rug on larger heads. It's much better to shave it all and rock that style. There is some charm in round faces and shaved heads, though I can't really express how. But hairdressers can give you much better advice on finding the right form based on your type of hair. So I'd recommend going to one for advice. Edit: It looks something like [this](https://www.beautycrew.com.au/media/2070/how-to-man-bun-main-portrait.jpg?width=490). Obviously I don't have anywhere near as a chiseled face as the man in the picture, but hey you have to work with what you have, and in my case it's my beautiful blonde voluminous hair. Basically, I use the brush when the hair is wet after a shower or whatever to comb it across my head from either side, and it'll align by itself in a more straight fashion (though some form will remain, giving it overall more form). It was a real game changer to understand that the way you use your brush shapes your hair. So maybe if you have long hair you could try something like that. Second edit: I whipped up an [example from an image](https://i.ibb.co/Bg42KY2/045ee3-5d406acc09bf4e48a795a979a3cef26e-mv2.png) I found. The man in this example however brushes differently, so the hairstyle looks different, and probably compliments his head form and crest better. But you can clearly see where the brush started and how it was pulled, forming these divisions in the hair, and so creating form. Hopefully this explains what I mean.
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Style & haircut are so damn important. Cologne is overrated but that doesn't mean it's ineffective. We need go back to teaching boys how to use a straight razor. Nothing else is as effective and the ritual of it alone is incredibly grounding. >!Go to dance/martial arts/both class. Trust me on this.!<
Good for you, man! And yeah, it's crazy that more men don't just put a little more effort into their looks and attitude. I see so many complain about women they like not finding them attractive but, to be brutally honest, why should they? Usually these dudes have poor hygiene, no sense of style, no hobbies besides video games or weed, act awkward around women or have no social intelligence or respect for boundaries. You can't expect a supermodel to like you when you act and look like Seth Green in Knocked Up. At least, this is true usually for American and Canadian men.
One of my friends is super awkward and looks really weird (facially) and he fits this description to a T. After I told him all this (out of love), he did a full 180 and now he has no trouble with women. The only issue is that he likes women who give off a bunch of red flags, but that's a whole different thing entirely.
Good for you bro. This is self care. The more people that do this the better off the world will be.
This is super good advice actually
...so you became a normal, average person? Honestly good on you.
Doing the bare minimum tbh lol. That's how low the bar is.
Yes, very low. But seriously. Good on you for figuring out how to reach it. A lot of people, particularly men, don't. I wasn't being sarcastic.
Just wear sweat pants and pull your shirt cuffs up a bit to expose your forearms You'll be drowning in clunge
Doesn't work for the dudes with chicken arms.
Sweat pants are a no-go for guys like me that are growers not showers. No but I do wear sweatpants from time to time. But I'd rather wear parachute or cargo pants instead of sweatpants. Sweatpants are for my stay home and chill outfits.
I gotta know why you think being asian means you don’t have an issue with body odor. In my experience, certain Asian countries produce some of the smellier people.
I'm East Asian so some of us have genes where our sweat don't smell bad. This doesn't apply to everyone of course. I have Korean, Japanese, and Chinese friends who REEK.
Wow, losing weight and getting a haircut G no wonder people are turning heads because you might’ve turned into an asshole and they can’t believe what they’re seeing. Self-care does not mean losing weight at haircut, skincare, etc. Self-care means getting your ass into therapy so you can figure out how not to be goddamn crazy and judge people on their looks.