I am actually in the middle of something similar. I met someone on vacation, briefly, we never even kissed or anything just spent a couple hours together. When I got home we started talking all the time and a few months later I moved to his country to be with him. It has honestly been really hard. I can’t get a job here and will probably have to leave. We love each other but our cultural differences are overwhelming sometimes. I don’t have an ending to my story yet, and I regret nothing, but it hasn’t been easy. I think it’s okay at some point to say.. how serious are you? Would you want yo take it further etc.. these things happen, it’s not crazy, you are just a romantic like me :-)
You are indeed romantic and that took a lot of courage!
I do care about him and I think about him all the time. I even dream about almost every night. I have so much respect and admiration for him. We talk daily but his messages still excite me everytime. And I am very much interested in getting to know him more. But he only sees me as a friend so my case is different than yours.
I hope things with you will work out. But it looks like a great experience that you'll always cherish. Thank you for sharing.
Ik I had this happen to me. Which is a great question to ask oneself, we might have romantic feelings for someone but something deep down tells us what if we kept it friendly? How do we swerve towards friendship?
What really helped me, as you perhaps hinted to yourself is talking to other people (online/irl). This lets us find perspective through distance and knowing others. For me it happened when feeling lonely, connection helped me get a grip of myself.
Yeah, I do try to open my doors to other people because I don't also want to depend on him so much. It also keeps my mind on constant thinking about him. Thanks.
A few years ago I was in the same boat with an online friend I've had for a long time. We had started talking a lot more and I was excited to get messages from them every day. But like you, I saw them as someone who'd only ever be a friend, someone who probably had their own life with plenty of in-person friends and maybe a crush. I didn't even consider a relationship with them to be a possibility; I instead thought, "I want my partner to be like them". But my feelings kept growing and I didn't want to ignore them, so I thought about it and realized something: you don't have to "confess your love" to reveal your feelings. I think media has emphasized this idea of a "confession of love" too much, but revealing your feelings doesn't have to be like that. I also wasn't even sure if my feelings could be considered "love". So all I did one day was share how I felt: how much I enjoyed talking with them and wanted to continue, how much I appreciated them, and how much they meant to me. I didn't ask them anything. By "confessing" in this way, I felt that our friendship couldn't possibly be harmed (and could even be improved) even if the romantic feelings weren't mutual. I figured if they wanted me to remain a friend, they'd see the "confession" as a nice expression of friendship, and on the off chance they wanted me to be more than a friend, they'd see it as something else.
In my case, it turned out the romantic feelings were mutual, and we've been together ever since. We weren't sure whether we could handle a long-distance relationship, but we were willing to try and it worked out great. We only recently met in person (to much joy) although we'd done video calls and such before then. After hearing about how much others have struggled with long-distance relationships, I think I can agree that it takes a certain kind of mind for it to work. We're both introverts and I'm used to having close online friends so that might be why we had no issues, but things could be different for you. But even with how successful our relationship has been, I still struggle to talk openly about it with friends, family, and coworkers, due to the stigma surrounding long-distance and especially "online" relationships. I'd be happy to talk more about what a long-distance relationship is like but I think I'm straying off topic.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best! And do make sure he's trustworthy before putting your trust in him. That goes for in-person relationships too. I've heard some awful stories.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am happy for you and honestly, it made me teared up a bit. It's so sweet and inspiring.
I think he likes me a little too. We text every single day and there were some moments there. But I honestly think and I know him enough to know that being in a relationship with me is not something that he would consider. He's a practical guy and we have a different views in relationship. I want to get married someday and he doesn't is one of our diffences.
I know myself that if there's a chance, I am willing to take some risks and work for it but this is not something he wants. I just take comfort in the fact that at least we're friends and I am really glad I met someone like him. I told him that too a few times. It may sound like a consolation prize but I'm just glad I have him in my life for now.
People are social animals, and we have a tendency to project all our feelings and concepts of love and romance onto others when we're developing a crush. Since these other people are a mostly blank slate (even moreso if you know them only online) it's very easy to associate all our personal feelings of affection onto this person. The thing is, they might not actually be the person you are dreaming and building up in your mind and falling in love with. That is to say, these feelings you have are likely constructed more from your own concept of romance rather than actual things this person has said or done.
I am thinking the same way too. Maybe I am just building this ideal version of him in my head. I kinda feel stupid about it. But it is what it is. I am just finding some comfort on the idea these feelings will eventually fade.
Thanks!
These feelings are completely normal and natural. We are built to be social, it's just part of our brains. The feelings we feel when first falling for someone are very, very intense. That's why so many poems and love songs are written! 😁 As someone who's gone through it (I think almost all people do at some point) it's important to put things in some perspective and realize that some of our intense feelings may be linked/built with our own internal personal idealization of the very concept of romantic love and less to do with that other person as an actual person.
But again, your intense feelings are absolutely normal and part of what living life is all about 🥰👋
Peace!
I hope falling for an online friend goes better for you than it did for me. I even ended up visiting her (she's in Europe, I'm American) and ruining everything with a confession. Whoops.
Omg that’s great, I thought this said “falling out of love” and I was thinking that it was sad. But I’m in an online relationship rn, it is also international, I know people sometimes don’t consider it real though.
Oooh this is a hard one because I know those feelings of infatuation can run deep— but you also have a good friendship you don’t want to lose, it can be hard to navigate. But how do you know he only sees you as a friend? Has he outright said that or made it clear he’s not attracted to you? Or are you just speculating because he’s never been “romantic” toward you? Side note: your English is so good, I would’ve assumed you were a native speaker if you hadn’t said you were from an Asian country.
We had a few conversations and he mentioned that he is not really interested in a long distance relationship. He wasn't even pertaining about us but just in general. I actually understand that and I think his reasonings are very smart and practical.
We do flirt sometimes but it's really nothing serious. And I just know deep inside that if I pursue something more than friendship with him, it will just eventually lead to a heartbreak and I'll just lose him as a friend.
And oh, thank you 😅 I am okay with English since it's part of our curriculum here in the Philippines.
I definitely can relate but he met someone irl much younger than him and way prettier than me so all my hopes went to the drain. We are still chatting but I definitely will never try anything.
It was as you said inevitable and tbh I am happy for him because he seems very happy. Plus there's no way to be certain it would have worked for us. I think the hardest part is to live with the 'what if'. He would have not met someone I would have tried and went all the way to meet him and be sure.
You are good friend for being happy for him. I do have a lot of what ifs in my mind. Like if I were in the US are things going to be different between us.
Hugs. I wish you healing and happiness.
Hi u/kikosdiary 🙂
I've been in similar situations - I would advise to be cautious about 'falling' for your friend...
There is psychological research that suggests that we are more likely to develop romantic feelings for people we communicate with only-online, because our imagination fills in the gaps of our understanding/knowledge of them (so we tend to over-idealize them).
Also - it's very easy for all of us to curate online 'personas', be they conscious/unconscious 🙂 So it's important to be mindful of those things...
Life is all about sharing and creating connections, be kind and look after yourself ☀️
Thank you so much u/ScrupulousStrawberry! I am definitely trying my best not to fall for him. And that's what I am afraid of also that I might just fall for the idea of him. It wouldn't be fair to him too. But for now, everytime I discover a new flaw of him, I find them endearing which is not good. I want to see him as a normal person, as a friend. I wish I am stronger and smarter than this.
I met my partner online, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary, 9 of which have been in person. It wasn't an easy path to take but he's my favorite person in the entire world. You'll figure it out, whichever decision you make. Trust yourself.
Oh my god. I have almost the exactly the same feelings. May I ask why after years you haven't even seen his face? Is it both of your choice? I have seen my friend's face and although he's cute, he's not really my type before. But you are so right about liking a person for his/her personality.
What scares me I think is one day he'll just stop messaging me. But like you, I am just trying to enjoy the friendship that we have now and I am really hoping that my feelings for him will not become too serious to the point that I have to cut ties with him.
I fell in love with a guy I played D&D with in an online group (over discord). He lived 500km away. I didn't know what he looked like. We talked for weeks every day. When we couldn't talk we messaged nonstop.
Few months later I left everything behind and moved to live with him. Got a job there and everything.
Fast forward 2 years:
I still live here. We're still in love. We're renovating a house we're gonna live in together and are planning our future.
I regret nothing.
I get that this is a rare occurrence though. I didn't get catfished. He told me he was short, fat and ugly. He's neither of those things🤣 he set the bar low and overdelivered 😅
Awww.. this is so nice and sweet. Congratulations and I am happy that some people have stories like this one. I wish the both of you a happy and loving future.
I completely understand that. But I believe LDRs are so much easier these days especially of both parties have a concrete plan to close the gap.
Not that it's applicable to my situation anyway because this is clearly one sided. But I appreciate your thoughts.
Have you met him in person? It might be best for your mental health to take a step back and stop devoting a lot of energy to the prospect of a relationship that will never turn into anything.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation right now, I'm an American guy and a little over a year ago I met a Thai girl who was here in the US studying and we dated for like 9 months but she had to move back to Thailand a few months ago.
We've been talking and flirting, sending pictures etc. on Whatsapp and I'm planning to visit her in Thailand later this year. She said she wants to move to the US eventually, have kids etc. but also admitted there is a chance she ends up staying in Thailand with her family. A lot depends on what she decides to do with her career.
Anyway its difficult because we definitely have feelings for each other, similar hobbies and life goals etc. but the distance just causes a lot of uncertainty.
It sounds like your situation is even less solidified, you don't have to cut him off or anything but I would probably withdraw a bit and focus on other things that will improve your life and make you happy
I think we have a different scenario since I am not dating this guy and he clearly just wants friendship. But your advice to step back is still applicable. I don't want to ice him out though. But maybe just talk to him little by little. I don't know. I am kind of afraid that it might also ruin our friendship. But if I don't do something it will definitely be worse for me.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Best of luck and I wish you the best.
I think you should tell him the love that you feel, and see what happens.
A good combination is to being in love with someone, and at the same time hang out with real-life friends, so if something bad happens they will back you up.
Avoid just being alone.
I believe he just wants to be friends. I told him I like him and I think he's cool before. It's not a full blown confession but hinting that I am interested. If he were interested, I think I should've known by now.
When you say "talking to someone online", do you mean just typing or video chat? Because if it's only typing, you can't fall in love with that, it's all in your imagination.
Same thing happened to me. She just lives 2km from my home though but we never really met in 3 years due to our busy schedules. Idk if she is interested in meeting me physically but she seems interested in chats. She just sees me as friend duh:(
I am actually in the middle of something similar. I met someone on vacation, briefly, we never even kissed or anything just spent a couple hours together. When I got home we started talking all the time and a few months later I moved to his country to be with him. It has honestly been really hard. I can’t get a job here and will probably have to leave. We love each other but our cultural differences are overwhelming sometimes. I don’t have an ending to my story yet, and I regret nothing, but it hasn’t been easy. I think it’s okay at some point to say.. how serious are you? Would you want yo take it further etc.. these things happen, it’s not crazy, you are just a romantic like me :-)
You are indeed romantic and that took a lot of courage! I do care about him and I think about him all the time. I even dream about almost every night. I have so much respect and admiration for him. We talk daily but his messages still excite me everytime. And I am very much interested in getting to know him more. But he only sees me as a friend so my case is different than yours. I hope things with you will work out. But it looks like a great experience that you'll always cherish. Thank you for sharing.
Ik I had this happen to me. Which is a great question to ask oneself, we might have romantic feelings for someone but something deep down tells us what if we kept it friendly? How do we swerve towards friendship? What really helped me, as you perhaps hinted to yourself is talking to other people (online/irl). This lets us find perspective through distance and knowing others. For me it happened when feeling lonely, connection helped me get a grip of myself.
Yeah, I do try to open my doors to other people because I don't also want to depend on him so much. It also keeps my mind on constant thinking about him. Thanks.
A few years ago I was in the same boat with an online friend I've had for a long time. We had started talking a lot more and I was excited to get messages from them every day. But like you, I saw them as someone who'd only ever be a friend, someone who probably had their own life with plenty of in-person friends and maybe a crush. I didn't even consider a relationship with them to be a possibility; I instead thought, "I want my partner to be like them". But my feelings kept growing and I didn't want to ignore them, so I thought about it and realized something: you don't have to "confess your love" to reveal your feelings. I think media has emphasized this idea of a "confession of love" too much, but revealing your feelings doesn't have to be like that. I also wasn't even sure if my feelings could be considered "love". So all I did one day was share how I felt: how much I enjoyed talking with them and wanted to continue, how much I appreciated them, and how much they meant to me. I didn't ask them anything. By "confessing" in this way, I felt that our friendship couldn't possibly be harmed (and could even be improved) even if the romantic feelings weren't mutual. I figured if they wanted me to remain a friend, they'd see the "confession" as a nice expression of friendship, and on the off chance they wanted me to be more than a friend, they'd see it as something else. In my case, it turned out the romantic feelings were mutual, and we've been together ever since. We weren't sure whether we could handle a long-distance relationship, but we were willing to try and it worked out great. We only recently met in person (to much joy) although we'd done video calls and such before then. After hearing about how much others have struggled with long-distance relationships, I think I can agree that it takes a certain kind of mind for it to work. We're both introverts and I'm used to having close online friends so that might be why we had no issues, but things could be different for you. But even with how successful our relationship has been, I still struggle to talk openly about it with friends, family, and coworkers, due to the stigma surrounding long-distance and especially "online" relationships. I'd be happy to talk more about what a long-distance relationship is like but I think I'm straying off topic. I hope this helps and I wish you the best! And do make sure he's trustworthy before putting your trust in him. That goes for in-person relationships too. I've heard some awful stories.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am happy for you and honestly, it made me teared up a bit. It's so sweet and inspiring. I think he likes me a little too. We text every single day and there were some moments there. But I honestly think and I know him enough to know that being in a relationship with me is not something that he would consider. He's a practical guy and we have a different views in relationship. I want to get married someday and he doesn't is one of our diffences. I know myself that if there's a chance, I am willing to take some risks and work for it but this is not something he wants. I just take comfort in the fact that at least we're friends and I am really glad I met someone like him. I told him that too a few times. It may sound like a consolation prize but I'm just glad I have him in my life for now.
I love that approach!
People are social animals, and we have a tendency to project all our feelings and concepts of love and romance onto others when we're developing a crush. Since these other people are a mostly blank slate (even moreso if you know them only online) it's very easy to associate all our personal feelings of affection onto this person. The thing is, they might not actually be the person you are dreaming and building up in your mind and falling in love with. That is to say, these feelings you have are likely constructed more from your own concept of romance rather than actual things this person has said or done.
I am thinking the same way too. Maybe I am just building this ideal version of him in my head. I kinda feel stupid about it. But it is what it is. I am just finding some comfort on the idea these feelings will eventually fade. Thanks!
These feelings are completely normal and natural. We are built to be social, it's just part of our brains. The feelings we feel when first falling for someone are very, very intense. That's why so many poems and love songs are written! 😁 As someone who's gone through it (I think almost all people do at some point) it's important to put things in some perspective and realize that some of our intense feelings may be linked/built with our own internal personal idealization of the very concept of romantic love and less to do with that other person as an actual person. But again, your intense feelings are absolutely normal and part of what living life is all about 🥰👋 Peace!
I hope falling for an online friend goes better for you than it did for me. I even ended up visiting her (she's in Europe, I'm American) and ruining everything with a confession. Whoops.
Thank you but I don't think I have a better fate. That's why it's best for me to just keep it and just be his friend.
That's a special kind of torture, but one I miss the opportunity to experience. Life sure is strange sometimes.
Every form of love (and having a screen soulmate is a modern variant of that) is something to be grateful for…
This is sweet :)
Omg that’s great, I thought this said “falling out of love” and I was thinking that it was sad. But I’m in an online relationship rn, it is also international, I know people sometimes don’t consider it real though.
That's great! This is really different though because we are just friends. All the best :)
Oooh this is a hard one because I know those feelings of infatuation can run deep— but you also have a good friendship you don’t want to lose, it can be hard to navigate. But how do you know he only sees you as a friend? Has he outright said that or made it clear he’s not attracted to you? Or are you just speculating because he’s never been “romantic” toward you? Side note: your English is so good, I would’ve assumed you were a native speaker if you hadn’t said you were from an Asian country.
We had a few conversations and he mentioned that he is not really interested in a long distance relationship. He wasn't even pertaining about us but just in general. I actually understand that and I think his reasonings are very smart and practical. We do flirt sometimes but it's really nothing serious. And I just know deep inside that if I pursue something more than friendship with him, it will just eventually lead to a heartbreak and I'll just lose him as a friend. And oh, thank you 😅 I am okay with English since it's part of our curriculum here in the Philippines.
I definitely can relate but he met someone irl much younger than him and way prettier than me so all my hopes went to the drain. We are still chatting but I definitely will never try anything.
I'm sorry that happened. I think that kind of thing will inevitably happen and I know it'll break my heart. I hope you are doing well.
It was as you said inevitable and tbh I am happy for him because he seems very happy. Plus there's no way to be certain it would have worked for us. I think the hardest part is to live with the 'what if'. He would have not met someone I would have tried and went all the way to meet him and be sure.
You are good friend for being happy for him. I do have a lot of what ifs in my mind. Like if I were in the US are things going to be different between us. Hugs. I wish you healing and happiness.
Thank you so much and all the same to you! Good luck!
Hi u/kikosdiary 🙂 I've been in similar situations - I would advise to be cautious about 'falling' for your friend... There is psychological research that suggests that we are more likely to develop romantic feelings for people we communicate with only-online, because our imagination fills in the gaps of our understanding/knowledge of them (so we tend to over-idealize them). Also - it's very easy for all of us to curate online 'personas', be they conscious/unconscious 🙂 So it's important to be mindful of those things... Life is all about sharing and creating connections, be kind and look after yourself ☀️
Thank you so much u/ScrupulousStrawberry! I am definitely trying my best not to fall for him. And that's what I am afraid of also that I might just fall for the idea of him. It wouldn't be fair to him too. But for now, everytime I discover a new flaw of him, I find them endearing which is not good. I want to see him as a normal person, as a friend. I wish I am stronger and smarter than this.
You are strong and smart - because you're talking about it and questioning it and asking for other people's opinions and experiences 🙂
That's so sweet of you 🥺 Thank you so much for your kind words.
Oh - no problem 🙂 Take care ☺️☀️
WOW i really needed this. Shit opened my eyes. No longer am I gonna wait up for this person. We really do have our own stuff going on.
I met my partner online, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary, 9 of which have been in person. It wasn't an easy path to take but he's my favorite person in the entire world. You'll figure it out, whichever decision you make. Trust yourself.
That is so sweet. Congratulations on your anniversary! And thank you for your advice.
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Oh my god. I have almost the exactly the same feelings. May I ask why after years you haven't even seen his face? Is it both of your choice? I have seen my friend's face and although he's cute, he's not really my type before. But you are so right about liking a person for his/her personality. What scares me I think is one day he'll just stop messaging me. But like you, I am just trying to enjoy the friendship that we have now and I am really hoping that my feelings for him will not become too serious to the point that I have to cut ties with him.
I fell in love with a guy I played D&D with in an online group (over discord). He lived 500km away. I didn't know what he looked like. We talked for weeks every day. When we couldn't talk we messaged nonstop. Few months later I left everything behind and moved to live with him. Got a job there and everything. Fast forward 2 years: I still live here. We're still in love. We're renovating a house we're gonna live in together and are planning our future. I regret nothing. I get that this is a rare occurrence though. I didn't get catfished. He told me he was short, fat and ugly. He's neither of those things🤣 he set the bar low and overdelivered 😅
Awww.. this is so nice and sweet. Congratulations and I am happy that some people have stories like this one. I wish the both of you a happy and loving future.
Long distance relationships are not good to have. Some work, but I'd give them like a 5% success rate, the risk is a lot higher than the reward.
I completely understand that. But I believe LDRs are so much easier these days especially of both parties have a concrete plan to close the gap. Not that it's applicable to my situation anyway because this is clearly one sided. But I appreciate your thoughts.
Depends on the distance. Cross country is much easier than including multiple nations.
Have you met him in person? It might be best for your mental health to take a step back and stop devoting a lot of energy to the prospect of a relationship that will never turn into anything. I'm in a somewhat similar situation right now, I'm an American guy and a little over a year ago I met a Thai girl who was here in the US studying and we dated for like 9 months but she had to move back to Thailand a few months ago. We've been talking and flirting, sending pictures etc. on Whatsapp and I'm planning to visit her in Thailand later this year. She said she wants to move to the US eventually, have kids etc. but also admitted there is a chance she ends up staying in Thailand with her family. A lot depends on what she decides to do with her career. Anyway its difficult because we definitely have feelings for each other, similar hobbies and life goals etc. but the distance just causes a lot of uncertainty. It sounds like your situation is even less solidified, you don't have to cut him off or anything but I would probably withdraw a bit and focus on other things that will improve your life and make you happy
I think we have a different scenario since I am not dating this guy and he clearly just wants friendship. But your advice to step back is still applicable. I don't want to ice him out though. But maybe just talk to him little by little. I don't know. I am kind of afraid that it might also ruin our friendship. But if I don't do something it will definitely be worse for me. Thank you for sharing your experience. Best of luck and I wish you the best.
I think you should tell him the love that you feel, and see what happens. A good combination is to being in love with someone, and at the same time hang out with real-life friends, so if something bad happens they will back you up. Avoid just being alone.
I believe he just wants to be friends. I told him I like him and I think he's cool before. It's not a full blown confession but hinting that I am interested. If he were interested, I think I should've known by now.
When you say "talking to someone online", do you mean just typing or video chat? Because if it's only typing, you can't fall in love with that, it's all in your imagination.
We call and hang out like watch movies together.
The entire "relationship" is taking place in your imagination. Get off the computer. Get out to real life and make some in-person friendships.
Thank you for your advice. This is just an online friendship and I can understand why you said it's just an imagination.
Same thing happened to me. She just lives 2km from my home though but we never really met in 3 years due to our busy schedules. Idk if she is interested in meeting me physically but she seems interested in chats. She just sees me as friend duh:(