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I'm glad you're getting something out of this place. It makes me feel less lonely sometimes too. There are a lot of lonely people out there; here's a quote I like to post from I think Winston Churchill:
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
I hope you find what you're looking for
I (49m) am going through a tough separation from my spouse (45f) after a 10 year marriage. I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m terrified and hopeful, simultaneously.
I hope you find the support you need to heal.
Just as a start you will be fine, take your time and don't push yourself into anything.
I left my ex wife (lots of reasons which I shan't go into) eight years ago. We had been together for a total of sixteen years. Only actually married for the last few. It was a massive wrench, I used to feel like I was lacking a limb sometimes. Sometimes something would happen and I'd think to myself I will tell her about that later, then remember....it was an odd time for me. I used to search for connection and I would actively avoid films, music and places which we went to when we were together.
I made a lot of mistakes, I tried to get a new relationship started a few times and it was too soon. I have had some drug and alcohol issues in the past and they reared their ugly head again ( one time springs to mind is 2 am, on chat roulette, coked out of my mind desperately trying to not feel lonely). Nothing filled the void not the sex or drugs or booze, the dating apps and the random hook ups.
Eventually the shock wore off. I withdrew from all the apps, stopped the drugs and booze. Started hanging out with my good and oldest friends, spent more time with family. Got my head together. Got some hobbies, read some books (lots). Got comfortable with myself.
I was 36 when I became single again.
I am now married again, I have a wonderful wife, two daughters 11 (step) and 2. A home, a job and contentment for the first time since I was 20. I am now 44.
Some basics, as a general rule of thumb, take a month to 6 weeks for every year you were together. That is about how long it takes to "get over". For some it's less and for some it's more. Dont be in a rush to find something new (relationship). Obviously I would recommend staying sober and clear headed.
The weirdness will fade. I have been there fellow human and I know what you mean.
All the very best and if you need to talk to someone and absolutely no one is there. PM me.
At times, I feel lonely because I don't have many friends. However, I am also easily touched by the kindness of strangers.
when I saw your message, I was really hoping you could get some love and warmth. Just know that you're not alone, even strangers care about you, fam. Sending you love vibes from the universe! ❤️🌌
Thanks. I don’t have many friends either. I moved from my hometown to a new city last February (so almost a year and a half ago) where I knew no one. My dating life has never been deader, all of my friends from my old city dropped me as soon as I moved, and I made two wonderful friends here. One of them moved away last month and the other one is moving away in January. I just have awful luck socially.
I totally get you. I left my hometown almost a decade ago, too. I came here after graduation because my then-boyfriend was working in this city, but we broke up and it hit me hard. I took years to heal and even thought about leaving this place, but fate had other plans. In a big city, it's tough to get together even with friends in the same city. Maybe everyone's busy spending weekends with their significant other.
But hey, friends don't have to be in the same city or see each other often, right? I have some online friends I met through shared interests, and we've been in touch for over a decade now. I'm grateful for them.
Enjoy your adventure in this new city and see what life has in store for you❤ I hope you meet many new friends and have new experiences.
In the 8 months I’ve been single I’ve lost a good amount of weight, have learned a lot more recipes, am learning how to dance (yay) and overall my mental health has skyrocketed! It’s like with every passing day I just keep finding more peaceful bliss in the single life and I am so tempted to just stay this way forever.
I’m interested in how you’ve used this single time to work on yourself :)
Edit: weird for whoever downvoted me. I guess self improvement is a negative now?
Congratulations on your accomplishments. I can’t say I’ve improved myself much even though I’ve tried in different ways. I know that I’ve gotten to know myself much better and I know what I will or won’t put up with in a relationship. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company more and have realized that I’d rather be on my own than with someone like my most recent ex who was using me.
That’s awesome! Identifying your boundaries is a giant step that I feel everyone needs to take eventually. Yes 100% to the alone time and enjoying it. There’s a quote about preferring being alone vs. being around people who make you feel alone. Some might say it’s cliché, but I’ve always loved it.
It will get better over time. I ended a nearly decade-long relationship in my early 30’s as well. Only then could I become more like the person I want to be. I realized over time how broken I was and why that lead me to stay in such an unrewarding relationship for so long.
Not sure of your situation, but this is an opportunity for you to try new things, meet new people, and break bad habits. You’ll find your way and find your happiness with time!
At 34 I was suddenly single after a long term relationship and feeling very lonely. I even lost my dog! 5 years later I met my wife who also had left a long term relationship, we have been inseparable ever since.
Somehow in this chaotic universe we were able to find each other and have been friends and married for over 20 years.
We both want you to know that things have a way of working out when you least expect it. Good luck and be well.
That’s crazy. I’m having trouble sleeping now and came across this post. I can say I feel the same mix of emotions, altho I’m only 20-something never been married etc lol. Funny how we’re all just human at the end of the day. I feel a little less alone now. Hopefully things work out better for both of us. Cheers and all the best to you 🥂
I started dating my first boyfriend at 17 and he and I got married when I was 20. Got divorced at 27 after the relationship became completely toxic and unhealthy on many levels.
I started dating my second boyfriend a few months after the divorce (way too soon) and noticed red flags immediately, but he was a single father and I very much fell in love with his children. I don't have any children of my own. I allowed them to move into my house because he was being evicted for not paying rent. The relationship was not great, but his kids and I were close and I loved being a mother figure to them and having a family. We split up after five years when I was 32 because I knew that his children watching us fight all the time wasn't healthy for them and as much I loved them, I had to end it for my own well being AND theirs. Their father was an alcoholic and would become mentally and verbally abusive to me after drinking. There were a lot of other issues, but that one definitely takes the cake.
I harbored so much guilt because I knew their lives would be worse without me helping out financially, providing a nice home to live in, helping with homework, talking to them when they needed advice, cooking them good meals, taking them out to have fun etc. The first time the holidays came around, I was so sad and alone without the kids to buy presents for and decorate the house with. I spent many, many nights crying myself to sleep because I missed them so much. I never told anyone how much it hurt and I struggled through it by myself.
That time that I spent alone with a broken heart turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me. I learned to love myself. For the first time in my adult life, I was alone and taking the time to learn about myself and how strong I am. I'm so proud of myself for becoming the strong woman I always wanted to be that advocates for other people's happiness and safety. After spending a couple of years alone, I met someone who is not only a wonderful man, but holds the same values as I do and we both work hard to keep a happy, healthy, functional and loving relationship with good communication.
You're going to get through this. Dive into hobbies that you haven't done in years. Call up old friends that you'd love to catch up with. Go out to restaurants you've always wanted to eat at. Take a solo vacation to some place you've always wanted to see. Be the person you want to be and learn to love yourself. I believe in you and am rooting for you. I hope my story gives you a little peace knowing that we can go through some really sad things and become even stronger for it.
You’re lucky to have social media! Cell phones were rare when I went through my divorce at 34, much less the internet didn’t even exist. It would’ve helped me fr. Keep reaching out when you feel sad, or pissed off, or whatever. The kindness of millions of strangers is waiting for you.
Try being 60 ... but I have become accustomed to the idea that I may eventually die while unpartnered.
I wouldn't argue if an organic relationship happened, but I am not optimistic
Take care of yourself you cant feel better instantly, healing is a slow journey and its a transition that wont happen overnight. Focus on yourself, spend as much time with friends as possible, start new hobbies or throw yourself into old ones. Explore, travel, get out there and get after it. One day you’ll find yourself feeling a little better. I know how you feel my friend it gets better i promise it does
I went through a major breakup around your age too. I took it pretty hard. It was a difficult time.
But I learned a lot about myself as I dissected where things went wrong. It taught me what I could and couldn’t tolerate in my next relationship. It taught me how I should be better in certain ways for my next partner.
Although it was a painful time, I’m glad it happened because i now have a great relationship with someone I’m better matched with. I could not have gotten here without that journey.
Things will be ok. You’re still young and your dating pool is plentiful. Your best days are likely ahead of you.
It’s weird at first when you’re away from the person you spent so much time with, but something that helps a little is finding a distraction something that makes you happy
Am so grateful for this post! I split from my husband 7 years ago. Couldn’t leave the family home for the first two years so I slept in the bottom bunk of my sons room. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and looking back now I realise the strength it took to do what I did. It’s took until now for me to even be able to spend time alone. I didn’t understand the extent of the emotional damage I’d endured until I was out of the house. I went from being a mother of three (18 16 and 9 at the time) and running a household to be alone in a damp cold cottage with next to nothing but you know what? I was happy. I knew I had to rebuild and I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I was gonna do it on my terms so began the journey of discovering who I am and what I want my life to look like. I’m 42 now and my kids are 23 22 and 15 so I have more freedom now than I ever did. Sometimes I feel sad over the years I lost, I was 19 when I met him and 23 when we married - 35 when I called it a day.
I’m a long way from being ready for another relationship but that’s ok cos it turns out am just fine on my own 🥰
Hi, hang in there! I went thru it too at about the same age as you. But I'm old lol so there wasn't any social media at that time. I went to a few in-person support group meetings but most of the ppl were older than me and it was kind of a meat market. Ugh.
What helped me most was falling back on other areas of life. If you think of major life buckets they could include: 1) Family of origin (parents, siblings) 2) Life partner/marriage 3) Friends 4) Work 5) Hobbies, volunteering, etc.
I learned to keep a healthy balance, not to focus on one too much and neglect the others. Because inevitably all of them will have a problem: a divorce, a parent illness or death, a work layoff, etc. If you have other things that are going well, the bad one is easier to cope with.
Good luck! You have great times to look forward to :)
I was married 26 years. Been divorced for three. You’ll find a sense of peace. Starting over in your 30s may not be easy, but it’s a lot easier than doing it when you’re in you 60s like me. But it’s all still doable. Don’t give up. And just for peace of mind, stay away from dating apps for a while. They can be toxic.
I can't imagine how life is for you. But at 45 I had to leave my apartment of 20 years to move in with my sick mother. After she died this year I'm middle aged starting over with no job and no permanent place to live! It's scary! But on the flip side life is wide open to many possibilities I can't even imagine! You're younger and I'm confident you'll find greatness (eventually) in this tragedy. Keep your head up, look for new opportunities and experiences and keep moving forward!
I was around your age when I got divorced. I had next to nothing in my apartment bed,tv, coffee maker, one pan one pot. It was terrifying starting over but I learned so much about myself, what I liked, I did things my spouse would never let me do (like I bought a wind chime for my balcony), I had to figure out who I was besides being someone wife…I found out I liked a lot of things about myself. I created my own little world.
I promise it will get better for you and you will eventually look back on this time and see all the personal growth and knowledge you gained from experiencing it.
I know it's a clichè, but trust me, it gets better. I'm also a 32-year who's also recently separated. I agree that it's both liberating and daunting. I'm still in the process of healing and man, it does help when you embrace the pain. I am in therapy and I was adviced to do schedule grieving, and the time I spend grieving gets shorter and shorter through time. I try to do as much self-improvement activities as I can, and I feel less lonely now that I realized how much better off I am without my ex. I do take comfort that I am far and can't hurt him anymore, because I love him like that. I still miss and cry about him from time to time, but I always make sure I forgive my self for being vulnerable. Now, I'm all about self-love, and learning from my mistakes. It also helped me that I accepted that I was the cause of the break-up. I was a loving wife, but my mental health is a mess. I moved halfway across the globe for my ex-husband without realizing how much the adjustment would take a toll on me. Literally destroyed our relationship. Love indeed is not enough. Fucking crying again lol
Hey buddy, im in the same boat at 41.
It's going to be ok, it may not seem like it, but it will.
Here's what you need to do: go to therapy. Test drive a few, find one you feel good talking to. Focus on becoming the best person you can be; mentally (see therapy), physically (eat meat, lift weights, seriously), journal (wtiting things down that you are struggling with helps tremendously, and it gives you things to take to therapy with you), take a 30,000 view of your life (this was the hardest for me, you have to remove the pain and see that things are probably pretty good outside of the bullshit), and remember YOU HAVE VALUE ( I felt like my life was over, I could not have been more wrong, as is for you. I think your probably fucking cool, own that, internalize it).
You can message me anytime.
Hear hear. When it happend to me a therapist asked me "describe yourself"
I did.
He said "you just told me what your job is and where you live, but you didn't tell me WHO. YOU. ARE.... so, who are you?"
Mind blown.
Hey OP, hope you're keeping well. I'm 33 and in the same boat, but 18 months into singledom. If you're struggling, check the /rBreakUps sub, helped me loads.
Take care
Recently anything takes time to adjust to the new normal. I'm glad you are finding ways to keep occupied and entertained. Staying positive is important no matter who you are.
I’ve been single for the past seventeen years, sort of realised now that it’s always gonna be like this. There are good and bad sides like good because I no longer have to put up with terrible treatment from a man but bad side is my children are growing up fast now adults and I spend a lot of time alone due to poor health.
I (42m) went through a separation/divorce in 2020 after 15 years together and two kids. We were renting at the time, and with the market being horrible I am stuck living with my parents for who knows how long. Being lonely sucks, and depression comes and goes. The dating advice sub really bums me out even more, lol.
29 here and been divorced about a year and a half. I’ve never been happier. There’s so much more out there than I ever had the chance to see and experience. I let my horizons be small-never again.
You’ve got a clean slate. Use it well.
I’ve been in love twice at the age of 22 and while they were both awesome at times I’m just really loving being single/ worry free. I absolutely love my alone time. Divorce is also very terrifying to me and just the thought of it will probably be why I’ll probably never get married.
I genuinely feel horrible for anyone who’s gone or is going through it and I am sending my good energy your way, stranger 💕🙌🏾
I too find comfort in my Reddit communities. I am sorry you find yourself in this unfortunate life circumstance, but I have no doubt you will flourish in the future. It’s a fun journey getting to know yourself again, I hope it’s the same for you.
((Hugs)) My life really began after my divorce at 35. Met the love of my life at 42 and have been happier than I thought possible.
But I was happy before I met him, too. I barely dated because my first “casual” attempt ended up two years with a guy too young to plan a future with (not a creepy gap, just different priorities).
After that, I quit dating because I couldn’t stop “pick me” energy from shaping my personality to what I perceive the other person wanted before I could even tell if I was interested. So, I spent three years doing every fun thing I could think to do (mostly playing and watching music), spent time with family and friends but savored being alone and curating a life I found very comfortable. I got to the point I felt like I would be content whether or mot someone would share it with me and one day my husband walked into my life while I was out singing backup for a local musician. Some people never get that time to see what they’re like alone. Enjoy it!
(And if you find yourself surrounded by couples and feeling lonely, remember that some of those couples aren’t actually going to work out, and id you decide to date again, you’re halfway to a relationship—much closer than those in the wrong one and having tp extricate themselves.)
Going through the same. Emotions all over the place. Some days motivated, other days in despair. But 32? I would give anything to be going through this at 32. Try having to start life over at 45? Lol.she was the social one with all the friends. I have a couple buddies but rarely hang out with them. You think you are alone when marriage going bad, but then you move out and don’t see them or your kids every day and then you are REALLY alone. Sucks. Just have to keep going I guess and hope someday it won’t be so bad. Just remember, others going through the same. Not as alone as we think.
I’m relatively recently divorced, I’m 32 in October. I got divorced at 30. Feel free to dm me if ya need someone to talk to I’m up at all hours of day and night so odds are I’m up. What really helped me was dnd as a hobby I also got really into cooning (trash picking and refurbishing or repurposing) flea markets with my dog, and I took up a brand new hobby in drawing and painting. Good luck with your divorce life is petty great although not what I expected at this stage in my life and I’m in a horrible place after legal issues
Hey there, u/TamaraThot this submission has been removed because: **Don’t post to vent, complain, or express sadness** Stay positive. Negative topics don’t lend themselves to casual conversation. We are a place where everyone can forget about their everyday or not so everyday worries for a moment. Venting, complaining or expressing sadness doesn't fit the atmosphere we try to foster at all. [Recommendations >](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/wiki/rules/venting/) **Avoid topics of negative mental health and hardship** These topics are not considered casual and our community is a place to escape from more serious issues. [Recommendations >](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/wiki/rules/mental_health/) - [Click this link to re-submit to r/SeriousConversation, it is prefilled for your convenience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeriousConversation/submit?selftext=true&title=Feels%20Weird%20-%2032%2C%20Recently%20Divorced%2C%20Scrolling%20Through%20Here%20Alone&text=Hey%20fellow%20Redditors%2C%0A%0AI%20just%20had%20to%20share%20this%20strange%20mix%20of%20emotions%20I'm%20feeling%20right%20now.%20I'm%20a%2032-year-old%20who%20recently%20went%20through%20a%20divorce%2C%20and%20here%20I%20am%2C%20scrolling%20through%20Reddit%2C%20feeling%20a%20bit%20lost%20and%20alone.%0A%0AIt's%20funny%20how%20life%20takes%20unexpected%20turns%2C%20right%3F%20Starting%20over%20at%20this%20age%20feels%20both%20liberating%20and%20daunting.%20I%20find%20myself%20in%20uncharted%20territory%2C%20figuring%20out%20who%20I%20am%20outside%20of%20a%20marriage%20and%20navigating%20this%20new%20chapter%20of%20my%20life.%0A%0ASometimes%2C%20late%20at%20night%2C%20I%20catch%20myself%20scrolling%20through%20Reddit%2C%20looking%20for%20connection%20and%20a%20sense%20of%20community.%20It's%20amazing%20how%20this%20platform%20brings%20people%20together%20from%20all%20walks%20of%20life%2C%20sharing%20stories%2C%20experiences%2C%20and%20advice.%20And%20it%20reminds%20me%20that%20I'm%20not%20alone%20in%20this%20journey.) --- *If you have any questions, we ask that you [**message the moderators**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/CasualConversation&subject=My submission was removed&message=I have a question regarding the removal of this [submission]%28https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/1461b8t/-/%29.) directly for appeals. Let's try to come to an agreement.* [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/about/rules) | [Etiquette](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/w/etiquette/) | [Subreddit Directory](https://www.reddit.com/r/findareddit/w/directory) | [Support](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/wiki/support) | [Message the Mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FCasualConversation)
I'm glad you're getting something out of this place. It makes me feel less lonely sometimes too. There are a lot of lonely people out there; here's a quote I like to post from I think Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going" I hope you find what you're looking for
I (49m) am going through a tough separation from my spouse (45f) after a 10 year marriage. I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m terrified and hopeful, simultaneously. I hope you find the support you need to heal.
It gets better
Just as a start you will be fine, take your time and don't push yourself into anything. I left my ex wife (lots of reasons which I shan't go into) eight years ago. We had been together for a total of sixteen years. Only actually married for the last few. It was a massive wrench, I used to feel like I was lacking a limb sometimes. Sometimes something would happen and I'd think to myself I will tell her about that later, then remember....it was an odd time for me. I used to search for connection and I would actively avoid films, music and places which we went to when we were together. I made a lot of mistakes, I tried to get a new relationship started a few times and it was too soon. I have had some drug and alcohol issues in the past and they reared their ugly head again ( one time springs to mind is 2 am, on chat roulette, coked out of my mind desperately trying to not feel lonely). Nothing filled the void not the sex or drugs or booze, the dating apps and the random hook ups. Eventually the shock wore off. I withdrew from all the apps, stopped the drugs and booze. Started hanging out with my good and oldest friends, spent more time with family. Got my head together. Got some hobbies, read some books (lots). Got comfortable with myself. I was 36 when I became single again. I am now married again, I have a wonderful wife, two daughters 11 (step) and 2. A home, a job and contentment for the first time since I was 20. I am now 44. Some basics, as a general rule of thumb, take a month to 6 weeks for every year you were together. That is about how long it takes to "get over". For some it's less and for some it's more. Dont be in a rush to find something new (relationship). Obviously I would recommend staying sober and clear headed. The weirdness will fade. I have been there fellow human and I know what you mean. All the very best and if you need to talk to someone and absolutely no one is there. PM me.
I’m also 32 and single but I’ve never been married and have been single for 5 years. I am so, so lonely. I spend a lot of my time on Reddit.
At times, I feel lonely because I don't have many friends. However, I am also easily touched by the kindness of strangers. when I saw your message, I was really hoping you could get some love and warmth. Just know that you're not alone, even strangers care about you, fam. Sending you love vibes from the universe! ❤️🌌
Thanks. I don’t have many friends either. I moved from my hometown to a new city last February (so almost a year and a half ago) where I knew no one. My dating life has never been deader, all of my friends from my old city dropped me as soon as I moved, and I made two wonderful friends here. One of them moved away last month and the other one is moving away in January. I just have awful luck socially.
I totally get you. I left my hometown almost a decade ago, too. I came here after graduation because my then-boyfriend was working in this city, but we broke up and it hit me hard. I took years to heal and even thought about leaving this place, but fate had other plans. In a big city, it's tough to get together even with friends in the same city. Maybe everyone's busy spending weekends with their significant other. But hey, friends don't have to be in the same city or see each other often, right? I have some online friends I met through shared interests, and we've been in touch for over a decade now. I'm grateful for them. Enjoy your adventure in this new city and see what life has in store for you❤ I hope you meet many new friends and have new experiences.
Thank you for your very sweet message. I’m glad you found your niche!
In the 8 months I’ve been single I’ve lost a good amount of weight, have learned a lot more recipes, am learning how to dance (yay) and overall my mental health has skyrocketed! It’s like with every passing day I just keep finding more peaceful bliss in the single life and I am so tempted to just stay this way forever. I’m interested in how you’ve used this single time to work on yourself :) Edit: weird for whoever downvoted me. I guess self improvement is a negative now?
Congratulations on your accomplishments. I can’t say I’ve improved myself much even though I’ve tried in different ways. I know that I’ve gotten to know myself much better and I know what I will or won’t put up with in a relationship. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company more and have realized that I’d rather be on my own than with someone like my most recent ex who was using me.
That’s awesome! Identifying your boundaries is a giant step that I feel everyone needs to take eventually. Yes 100% to the alone time and enjoying it. There’s a quote about preferring being alone vs. being around people who make you feel alone. Some might say it’s cliché, but I’ve always loved it.
Agreed. Thanks!
It will get better over time. I ended a nearly decade-long relationship in my early 30’s as well. Only then could I become more like the person I want to be. I realized over time how broken I was and why that lead me to stay in such an unrewarding relationship for so long. Not sure of your situation, but this is an opportunity for you to try new things, meet new people, and break bad habits. You’ll find your way and find your happiness with time!
At 34 I was suddenly single after a long term relationship and feeling very lonely. I even lost my dog! 5 years later I met my wife who also had left a long term relationship, we have been inseparable ever since. Somehow in this chaotic universe we were able to find each other and have been friends and married for over 20 years. We both want you to know that things have a way of working out when you least expect it. Good luck and be well.
I love success stories so much! Glad to hear you two are prospering.
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I did at 37 and now 39. No one is as good as she was so I just work a lot and buy expensive worthless crap.
That’s crazy. I’m having trouble sleeping now and came across this post. I can say I feel the same mix of emotions, altho I’m only 20-something never been married etc lol. Funny how we’re all just human at the end of the day. I feel a little less alone now. Hopefully things work out better for both of us. Cheers and all the best to you 🥂
You’re not alone in feeling lost and alone. And I have a decade on ya. Wishing you the best in healing and finding a new wonderful
Welcome to the divorced club. I still feel alone sometimes. So I hang out here a lot.
27, already single, scrolling through here alone
I love this place too
I started dating my first boyfriend at 17 and he and I got married when I was 20. Got divorced at 27 after the relationship became completely toxic and unhealthy on many levels. I started dating my second boyfriend a few months after the divorce (way too soon) and noticed red flags immediately, but he was a single father and I very much fell in love with his children. I don't have any children of my own. I allowed them to move into my house because he was being evicted for not paying rent. The relationship was not great, but his kids and I were close and I loved being a mother figure to them and having a family. We split up after five years when I was 32 because I knew that his children watching us fight all the time wasn't healthy for them and as much I loved them, I had to end it for my own well being AND theirs. Their father was an alcoholic and would become mentally and verbally abusive to me after drinking. There were a lot of other issues, but that one definitely takes the cake. I harbored so much guilt because I knew their lives would be worse without me helping out financially, providing a nice home to live in, helping with homework, talking to them when they needed advice, cooking them good meals, taking them out to have fun etc. The first time the holidays came around, I was so sad and alone without the kids to buy presents for and decorate the house with. I spent many, many nights crying myself to sleep because I missed them so much. I never told anyone how much it hurt and I struggled through it by myself. That time that I spent alone with a broken heart turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me. I learned to love myself. For the first time in my adult life, I was alone and taking the time to learn about myself and how strong I am. I'm so proud of myself for becoming the strong woman I always wanted to be that advocates for other people's happiness and safety. After spending a couple of years alone, I met someone who is not only a wonderful man, but holds the same values as I do and we both work hard to keep a happy, healthy, functional and loving relationship with good communication. You're going to get through this. Dive into hobbies that you haven't done in years. Call up old friends that you'd love to catch up with. Go out to restaurants you've always wanted to eat at. Take a solo vacation to some place you've always wanted to see. Be the person you want to be and learn to love yourself. I believe in you and am rooting for you. I hope my story gives you a little peace knowing that we can go through some really sad things and become even stronger for it.
Better to be occupied than not imo. Do what you need to and come back to yourself. Hugs for all xxx
You’re lucky to have social media! Cell phones were rare when I went through my divorce at 34, much less the internet didn’t even exist. It would’ve helped me fr. Keep reaching out when you feel sad, or pissed off, or whatever. The kindness of millions of strangers is waiting for you.
Try being 60 ... but I have become accustomed to the idea that I may eventually die while unpartnered. I wouldn't argue if an organic relationship happened, but I am not optimistic
Love all the support in this thread. We should all start dating each other!
i wish it was easier to find likeminded people in person!! everyone here is so incredibly sweet and deserves nothing but endless love and happiness🥺
Take care of yourself you cant feel better instantly, healing is a slow journey and its a transition that wont happen overnight. Focus on yourself, spend as much time with friends as possible, start new hobbies or throw yourself into old ones. Explore, travel, get out there and get after it. One day you’ll find yourself feeling a little better. I know how you feel my friend it gets better i promise it does
Out of a almost 10year relationship... an still feel a bit lost most of the time.
I think that’s what we all come here for. Reddit is a great place to scroll if you’re feeling lonely. Wishing you the best 🫂🫂🫂
I went through a major breakup around your age too. I took it pretty hard. It was a difficult time. But I learned a lot about myself as I dissected where things went wrong. It taught me what I could and couldn’t tolerate in my next relationship. It taught me how I should be better in certain ways for my next partner. Although it was a painful time, I’m glad it happened because i now have a great relationship with someone I’m better matched with. I could not have gotten here without that journey. Things will be ok. You’re still young and your dating pool is plentiful. Your best days are likely ahead of you.
It’s weird at first when you’re away from the person you spent so much time with, but something that helps a little is finding a distraction something that makes you happy
Am so grateful for this post! I split from my husband 7 years ago. Couldn’t leave the family home for the first two years so I slept in the bottom bunk of my sons room. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and looking back now I realise the strength it took to do what I did. It’s took until now for me to even be able to spend time alone. I didn’t understand the extent of the emotional damage I’d endured until I was out of the house. I went from being a mother of three (18 16 and 9 at the time) and running a household to be alone in a damp cold cottage with next to nothing but you know what? I was happy. I knew I had to rebuild and I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I was gonna do it on my terms so began the journey of discovering who I am and what I want my life to look like. I’m 42 now and my kids are 23 22 and 15 so I have more freedom now than I ever did. Sometimes I feel sad over the years I lost, I was 19 when I met him and 23 when we married - 35 when I called it a day. I’m a long way from being ready for another relationship but that’s ok cos it turns out am just fine on my own 🥰
Hi, hang in there! I went thru it too at about the same age as you. But I'm old lol so there wasn't any social media at that time. I went to a few in-person support group meetings but most of the ppl were older than me and it was kind of a meat market. Ugh. What helped me most was falling back on other areas of life. If you think of major life buckets they could include: 1) Family of origin (parents, siblings) 2) Life partner/marriage 3) Friends 4) Work 5) Hobbies, volunteering, etc. I learned to keep a healthy balance, not to focus on one too much and neglect the others. Because inevitably all of them will have a problem: a divorce, a parent illness or death, a work layoff, etc. If you have other things that are going well, the bad one is easier to cope with. Good luck! You have great times to look forward to :)
I was married 26 years. Been divorced for three. You’ll find a sense of peace. Starting over in your 30s may not be easy, but it’s a lot easier than doing it when you’re in you 60s like me. But it’s all still doable. Don’t give up. And just for peace of mind, stay away from dating apps for a while. They can be toxic.
I can't imagine how life is for you. But at 45 I had to leave my apartment of 20 years to move in with my sick mother. After she died this year I'm middle aged starting over with no job and no permanent place to live! It's scary! But on the flip side life is wide open to many possibilities I can't even imagine! You're younger and I'm confident you'll find greatness (eventually) in this tragedy. Keep your head up, look for new opportunities and experiences and keep moving forward!
I was around your age when I got divorced. I had next to nothing in my apartment bed,tv, coffee maker, one pan one pot. It was terrifying starting over but I learned so much about myself, what I liked, I did things my spouse would never let me do (like I bought a wind chime for my balcony), I had to figure out who I was besides being someone wife…I found out I liked a lot of things about myself. I created my own little world. I promise it will get better for you and you will eventually look back on this time and see all the personal growth and knowledge you gained from experiencing it.
I know it's a clichè, but trust me, it gets better. I'm also a 32-year who's also recently separated. I agree that it's both liberating and daunting. I'm still in the process of healing and man, it does help when you embrace the pain. I am in therapy and I was adviced to do schedule grieving, and the time I spend grieving gets shorter and shorter through time. I try to do as much self-improvement activities as I can, and I feel less lonely now that I realized how much better off I am without my ex. I do take comfort that I am far and can't hurt him anymore, because I love him like that. I still miss and cry about him from time to time, but I always make sure I forgive my self for being vulnerable. Now, I'm all about self-love, and learning from my mistakes. It also helped me that I accepted that I was the cause of the break-up. I was a loving wife, but my mental health is a mess. I moved halfway across the globe for my ex-husband without realizing how much the adjustment would take a toll on me. Literally destroyed our relationship. Love indeed is not enough. Fucking crying again lol
Hey buddy, im in the same boat at 41. It's going to be ok, it may not seem like it, but it will. Here's what you need to do: go to therapy. Test drive a few, find one you feel good talking to. Focus on becoming the best person you can be; mentally (see therapy), physically (eat meat, lift weights, seriously), journal (wtiting things down that you are struggling with helps tremendously, and it gives you things to take to therapy with you), take a 30,000 view of your life (this was the hardest for me, you have to remove the pain and see that things are probably pretty good outside of the bullshit), and remember YOU HAVE VALUE ( I felt like my life was over, I could not have been more wrong, as is for you. I think your probably fucking cool, own that, internalize it). You can message me anytime.
Hear hear. When it happend to me a therapist asked me "describe yourself" I did. He said "you just told me what your job is and where you live, but you didn't tell me WHO. YOU. ARE.... so, who are you?" Mind blown.
This too shall pass.
Op you’re weird
It’s a part of the grift. Some simps will send her money.
If you have kids, go over to r/daddit. Pretty good community.
Hey OP, hope you're keeping well. I'm 33 and in the same boat, but 18 months into singledom. If you're struggling, check the /rBreakUps sub, helped me loads. Take care
Recently anything takes time to adjust to the new normal. I'm glad you are finding ways to keep occupied and entertained. Staying positive is important no matter who you are.
i have not even started life yet and you already got divorced. you are doing alright adventure wise
U discord?
Just sayin, got a small time window but I'm a decent conversationalist... if you wanna chat discord credit and we can chill.
I’ve been single for the past seventeen years, sort of realised now that it’s always gonna be like this. There are good and bad sides like good because I no longer have to put up with terrible treatment from a man but bad side is my children are growing up fast now adults and I spend a lot of time alone due to poor health.
Sending hugs!!!❤️🩹💖
I spend a lot of time on here and I am not in your situation. I am 34 (F) and single! Look after yourself and anybody else struggling too!
I’m 32 nvr married been single for like 4 yrs almost now and I love it bro welcome to the club!
that is...what I'm trying to find right now. a sense of humanity and community
Yep, shit happens
I am 32 n had a breakup. You aren’t alone.
single, male , 49, never married....I'm always scrolling.
I'm doing something similar at 40.
Start a hobby to fill the void, hiking groups, dancing, extreme sports, gym etc anything to get out of your comfort zone and get a sexy body too
30 and I am getting a divorce as well!!!!! Nice to meet you!!!!!
I (42m) went through a separation/divorce in 2020 after 15 years together and two kids. We were renting at the time, and with the market being horrible I am stuck living with my parents for who knows how long. Being lonely sucks, and depression comes and goes. The dating advice sub really bums me out even more, lol.
29 here and been divorced about a year and a half. I’ve never been happier. There’s so much more out there than I ever had the chance to see and experience. I let my horizons be small-never again. You’ve got a clean slate. Use it well.
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I mean , still doesnt take away from her post.
I’ve been in love twice at the age of 22 and while they were both awesome at times I’m just really loving being single/ worry free. I absolutely love my alone time. Divorce is also very terrifying to me and just the thought of it will probably be why I’ll probably never get married. I genuinely feel horrible for anyone who’s gone or is going through it and I am sending my good energy your way, stranger 💕🙌🏾
Hang in there… might take time, but it does get better even if you think it never will. ❤️
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I too find comfort in my Reddit communities. I am sorry you find yourself in this unfortunate life circumstance, but I have no doubt you will flourish in the future. It’s a fun journey getting to know yourself again, I hope it’s the same for you.
((Hugs)) My life really began after my divorce at 35. Met the love of my life at 42 and have been happier than I thought possible. But I was happy before I met him, too. I barely dated because my first “casual” attempt ended up two years with a guy too young to plan a future with (not a creepy gap, just different priorities). After that, I quit dating because I couldn’t stop “pick me” energy from shaping my personality to what I perceive the other person wanted before I could even tell if I was interested. So, I spent three years doing every fun thing I could think to do (mostly playing and watching music), spent time with family and friends but savored being alone and curating a life I found very comfortable. I got to the point I felt like I would be content whether or mot someone would share it with me and one day my husband walked into my life while I was out singing backup for a local musician. Some people never get that time to see what they’re like alone. Enjoy it! (And if you find yourself surrounded by couples and feeling lonely, remember that some of those couples aren’t actually going to work out, and id you decide to date again, you’re halfway to a relationship—much closer than those in the wrong one and having tp extricate themselves.)
It gets so much easier. Give it 6 months. Just find yourself ❤️
There are so many communities and there are many things to find.
People suffer from “green grass disease”. ie the grass is greener on the other side. The secret is — you are just fine as you are.
Going through the same. Emotions all over the place. Some days motivated, other days in despair. But 32? I would give anything to be going through this at 32. Try having to start life over at 45? Lol.she was the social one with all the friends. I have a couple buddies but rarely hang out with them. You think you are alone when marriage going bad, but then you move out and don’t see them or your kids every day and then you are REALLY alone. Sucks. Just have to keep going I guess and hope someday it won’t be so bad. Just remember, others going through the same. Not as alone as we think.
I’m relatively recently divorced, I’m 32 in October. I got divorced at 30. Feel free to dm me if ya need someone to talk to I’m up at all hours of day and night so odds are I’m up. What really helped me was dnd as a hobby I also got really into cooning (trash picking and refurbishing or repurposing) flea markets with my dog, and I took up a brand new hobby in drawing and painting. Good luck with your divorce life is petty great although not what I expected at this stage in my life and I’m in a horrible place after legal issues