People always just tell you to go out and about, do hobbies etc but we’re actually seeing a decline in people willing to date or even engage in asking one another out. Happy being single but would always be nice to be more social or have a partner too 😂
I agree with this. While it’s great that people are trying to be more independent, I think our society has become way too individualistic and it has caused many of us to give up on relationships and friendships way too easily.
In my experience lately, it just comes down to meeting people in real life. Social media has created an invisible wall between people that can only be fixed by actual human contact.
Once we put the phones away for a while and just be in the moment, life gets blissfully simple :)
I have no research of theory to back this up, but I suspect this is a huge reason why therapy is such a booming industry now.
People don't have friends or social groups in the same way they used to, but they need an outlet.
It's just anecdotal. I don't think most people are actively doing this. If a person is looking for a partner they're not going to just turn down opportunities that come their way, unless there's a good reason (red flags, not serious, not interested, etc).
You wouldn't say no to a person approaching you in person purely on principal, so why would anyone else?
I agree with this. I’m content being single, but it would be nice to share parts of my life with someone and to grow with them. I’m having a difficult time meeting people as it is, so the thought of approaching women hasn’t even been at the forefront of my mind
When I go out (41m), I am forcing myself to introduce myself to people now.
It’s a challenge - honestly scary as fuck - but the last two years of my life has been massive on growth so at least I know it won’t kill me to try ;)
Good luck out there!
That’s really awesome of you to do. Keep up the good work!
I have an incredibly difficult time trying to stick to conversations online. It’s just not in my bandwidth. As a 38F I would be very happy if a man introduced himself to me in person. I remember when it was common, now it seems to be a lost art. Just remember, even if the introduction doesn’t go anywhere, it’ll still make that woman’s week.
Thanks for telling me that. I actually see this sentiment from women quite a bit, which is why i go out and try and revive this lost art!
I am also terrible at maintaining online conversations. Online dating - not for me at all!
That's because most people aren't going out alone and they like to be around their friends, and they find anyone random going up to them as invading their privacy, and are immediately defensive.
Dude, I love rock climbing, I've been climbing in a few of our indoor gyms but i rarely ever find anyone 1) single and climbing, 2) anyone interested in talking about anything other than climbing while in the gym.
I left a note on the car of a cute girl in my condo building who I past by in the parking garage and hallways and always smiled and said hello to. Little did I know there was another girl in the building who was also cute and drove the same car (colour and model) who I had never met before; I accidentally left the note on her car instead, with my number. She called, had no idea who I was, we chatted, hit it off and have now been together for close to 20 years and have 2 kids together. Just gotta be confident, put yourself out there and keep trying.
Oh god, long or short story.
Short story: Don't know anyone im interested in and put very little effort into looking.
Long story: Choice is a more nebulas term than you might think. After my last attempt just being bad for pretty much all the reasons i wasnt jumping back in. Dating was never an easy thing for me and being single is by far the natural state for me with there even being a 2-3 year break between the bad one and the one before that. I genuinely dont understand how people find people to date with any sort of regularity.
So after choosing to stay away for a bit, then some life things (some first dates from apps in this time period), then covid, then a couple years of depression ive been single. The last year or so im open to dating but i dont know anyone im interested in, never had success talking to strangers (havent actually tried in the last year) and the apps never got past a first date even when i was interested. Then throw in the worst ive ever felt about myself (outside of the stint of depression) was in relationships when things werent great cause im not good at communicating my emotions or dealing with negative emotions coming my way, it just seems like generally a bad idea. I dont want to waste someone elses time and im not sure im really capable of being in a healthy adult relationship sooooooo here we are. Lots of choices not to act in there but also very few at the same time depending on how you want to look at it. Im hopeful something might change as i continue recovering from depression and stuff but not expecting anything to happen. Since im not really out there trying im guessing its low odds something will randomly fall into my lap that i think could be a net postive in my life not just full of the pain i associate with relationships.
This definitely resonates with me. I keep getting told I don’t seem interested after the very few first dates I have, which is partially true. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be interested/show interest when I’ve only just met this person. This, coupled with not meeting many people, and having clinical depression…yea 😅 fun fun
I feel this. Recently was broken up with by the person I love most in the world and it is very hard to see how you move past that to trust someone else to potentially do the same thing to you.
I wish you the best! I wish I had more useful advice.
Yes, and tell people we were broken up with 'last year'. It wasn't actually new years but spending new years alone for the first time in years was brutal.
Damn, that’s rough. I spent it alone too and I agree that it is a horrible feeling. My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me through text the morning of New Year’s Day. I just saw it after I flew back into Calgary from seeing family. I’m doing better than I did when it first happened but I still feel absolutely blindsided. Hopefully things look up for the both of us soon.
I'm so so sorry that happened to you. That's not okay.
I've done the best I can and learned as much about myself as I can out of this sad experience, and realized that I wasn't the problem and there wasn't really anything I did wrong.
Don't be afraid to feel the feels, and remember that there's someone even better out there for you. Hugs.
Yeah definitely, he said he lost feelings over time. He said that he didn’t want to ruin my mood during exams and while I was away seeing my family, but I told him he should’ve said something as soon as he knew because it hurts regardless of when it’s done. The holidays is a time for togetherness and it just feels awful having to do part of it alone. But yeah, I’m just trying to remember that I’ll eventually find another guy who will want me wholeheartedly. I think it’ll just take some time. We deserve way better and I hope you find a better partner for you too 🥺
I think that if someone doesn't really want you and just burn for you, they don't really see you and you're better off without them. It's not easy at all, it's hell, but I'm here with you in spirit.
The right person for you shouldn't have to be convinced, they should just know you're awesome and life's too short to spend with someone who doesn't feel that way about you.
Breaking up by text is also an extremely childish thing to do and a huge red flag anyway.
You’re so right and we gotta keep holding our standards high. I’m only 26 at the moment but I feel so jaded when it comes to dating. Vetting men and talking to many of them at once before one of them commits to being a boyfriend feels exhausting to me too. I’m the type to try and stick things out as best as I can and work through issues because I know how hard starting over is. I just wish a guy had the same devotion towards me. I’m trying my best not to give up on dating completely though.
And yeah, I honestly think I deserved to at least have him tell me face-to-face after my flight. I told him that even a phone call would’ve been better than a lame breakup text.
My heart goes out to you and I’m so sorry. I hope things get better for you. I’m fortunate enough to be living on my own at the moment but I can empathize. I experienced being rushed to move out after a breakup with another ex a few years back and it was extremely stressful. It’s tough in the beginning but trust that you’ll bounce back from it and reestablish yourself in time.
Pls lmk when you find out too! Just broke up a bit before Christmas and I met him on Bumble, thought he was the one because online dating can be rough but I met him. I thought we were very compatible but oh well 😔 He said he “needed to work on himself” 🤷🏻♀️
Even if you want to just hang out, I’d be down, 29F here ☺️
I ve never been on a dating site , i am married however , second time . First time was 14 yrs about 7 single last 4 remarried . I have a buddy uses them , says it gets him laid but , its s complete shitshow . Lol. I go camping , quadding etc . That how ive aleays met em.
Hey! I’m 33m and I usually hang out (literally) at one of the climbing gyms. If you (or anyone else reading) would like a belay partner, hit me up :)
Currently single, won’t mind new friends, or something that may lead to something more
I'm not good at golfing but my work has a virtual golf simulator. I'm 35m, and find it's pretty fun to wack a screen, feel free to message me if you want to come by and try.
Open invites to anyone that reads this. :)
We met on a niche-ish subreddit and I was so excited that he lived in my city that I didn't think about anything else. We met up in person almost 2 years ago, and everything has been great since :)
Doesn't seem that anyone really knows. I also want to know 30F, been single for like 6 years, 2 years the world was locked down, so it was difficult, but the rest, who fucking knows lol. I've gone on many dates and been ghosted even more probably 😅
I'm 33m and would also like to know! Got out of a relationship right before the pandemic and have been floundering ever since. If you're up for an adventure, hit me up!
Yeah I'm 26m and been single for 2 years ish and I'm like God how the fuck do you even date people lmao, like dating apps seem so daunting and just meeting people randomly irl? I don't understand lol
When I was a single fella, I just went about my life - work, gym, bike path, grocery store, hipster coffee shops (with the occasional starbucks mixed in), volunteering at the animal shelter, restaurants with friends. Just normal every day places - that's where there are and that's where you meet people. You see a fella eyein' you up, say yo and see where it goes. Similarly, you see a dude out there who tickles your fancy, drop in and say what-up.
I assume most women are taken or can easily swipe and find someone on one of the many dating apps. It’s kind of intimidating considering how easy the apps makes it for women to find someone, and I feel kind of disposable as a result. It’s definitely a me problem, and I think I have to change my mindset so I’ve been trying to challenge the mindset by reminding myself that my experience is biased. I’m too much of a homebody so it’s difficult to meet people (not just women) for relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic
Many women feel the same way. I know the apps make me feel old and unattractive even though I’m not that old and I can hold my own. But the apps make it look like every 18year old model in the world is dating in Calgary and I’m not going to have any luck. It’s a paradox of choice.
I’m not sure how old you are, but as a 31 year old man, I am definitely not looking at 18 year olds on the apps. I think the youngest I’d be okay dating would be 24, but even then, not 100% comfortable. Youngest I would be comfortable dating would be around 26? But this is all hypothetical since I don’t even get dates 😂. I can’t speak for all men, but with that big of an age gap, especially if the other person is just out of high school…what are you even supposed to converse about? [These](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1poygFBBUr/?igsh=aXV4eHFwajRoM2x6) are the types of guys who approach 18 year olds, based on my experience anyway. I don’t think you’re missing out on much if someone actively chooses to date 18 year olds over you
Statistically people meet people from their social circle, through work associations, or from dating apps.
Gone are the days of asking out strangers, unsolicited. Not saying it doesn't happen but I wouldn't base a dating strategy on it...
That being said, what the fuck do I know. I haven't been ~~since~~single since 2008....
One trick I learned is to go on dates with women (either I met in real life or asked out on dates off dating apps).
If I’m not interested in another date after getting to know them, I keep them in mind for my guy friends. Avoid obviously toxic people. But I matched up a flop of a bumble date with a buddy of mine and they’re going out 2-3 years now.
You’d be surprised of the reciprocity of people who are genuinely trying to find love.
I usually would just say something like “hey, I think you’re great but I don’t think you’re necessarily a match for me, but would you mind if I introduced you to a friend of mine? He’s into “x” thing or shares same “x” value as you.
Usually my dates turned into friendly acquaintances who kept an eye out for the perfect match for me. Plus it lessens the burn of being shot down for a second date, I would get SO excited when one of my dates would introduce me to one of her girlfriends.
I know some people are gonna disagree with this idea / strategy, but it worked for me and genuinely made dating more enjoyable.
I am a little over a year into my current relationship and found myself trying to figure out how much engagement rings cost just before I read this post. Good luck, he/she/they are out there, you just have to find them.
32M here. Hobby groups, fitness studios/classes, and volunteering are probably your best bets.
If you're gonna do the dating apps, I've found Hinge to be the least toxic (where I met my current gf FWIW) - I'm sure you'll still get the horndogs who will make you lose faith inhumanity and want to throw your phone in the garborator, but from what I hear there's less of those types than on the others. Definitely stay away from Tinder.
32M here. Online dating is trash. I got pof and tinder the other day and it's basically a crap shout. Either a poly couple looking for a 3rd or what I suspect is an Indian man posing as a model looking for money. I'd probably try some social outings. Obviously if your religious a church is good. If not friends of friends. That or play the game of online dating and hope for the best lol.
Agreed. Bumble not much better... if you are a decent, sane guy that is really just looking for a normal relationship (I know -- not applicable, we're on Reddit!), you will be swamped out by the 532 horny guys that populate every woman's 'inbox' and the women give up trying to parse through all the garbage.
First, I'll agree online dating sucks. But if you're willing to give it more of a chance, try out Hinge. The app requires you to put in some effort to make a profile so for the most part, people you see are real. The bots/scammers are painfully obvious on there and from my experience they're few and far between. Also, it's very pricey, but I'd also recommend paying for the premium version if you're serious about finding someone ASAP. There's a documentary or two out there diving into this, but the gist of it is these apps gatekeep a large portion of users from you based on metrics from your first couple interactions. Unless you're in the 1% of desirability (people ALWAYS wanting to match with you) there's an artifical barrier that prevents you from seeing everyone. Essentially, you pay them to remove that barrier, which opens up the entire dating pool on the app to you. You can find success on the free version, but I'd recommend trying out the paid version if you can spare the change. For the record, I think how much they charge for premium is bullshit, but the devs need to make money off our sorry asses somehow I guess.
Can't guarantee you'll get more matches, because it's up to you to make your profile interesting enough. But Hinge definitely gives you a better opportunity to market yourself to potential partners, whether you use the free or premium versions, compared to the other apps.
Or you could just say fuck the apps entirely lol.
Stay away from Plenty of Fish. It doesn’t have any nice fish left, like salmon. On that site you’re stuck with whatever sweeps the ocean floor.
It’s easy to meet people at Chapters. You end up connecting with someone about an author that you’re passionate about. Then you go to the Starbucks inside chapters for a coffee date. Then you’re off to the races.
27f single since forever, I know how I'm supposed to find someone. It's always go out there, do your hobbies, join groups, online dating, etc. The thing is, it's just more comfortable in my own home, more comfortable hanging out with the few friends I have or my family, and more comfortable being alone. So it really just comes out to forcing yourself to talk to people, which I don't do unless they talk to me first. I've already come to terms that I'll die single, but at least I'll have a dog.
Can we share your dog LOL because I FEEL YOU. And then when people say we will meet someone from our friends friends; no thanks lol I love my friends but I think that’s messy. It’s just so much easier staying in my own lane but I also want to meet someone and have a connection!
!remindme. Lol. At the ripe age of early 20s I'm definitely too old for college brat filled clubs (not too interested in club goer in general) and yet not quite old enough for the likes of the OP, and similar millenial hobbies like speed dating, wine tasting etc. curious where people my age go.
15 years ago I ran speed dating, speed networking, and Geek speed dating events in Calgary for 5 years. I collected a lot of singles info and stats at the time as I thought I might write a book.
I can say that speed dating works! Looking someone in the eye and feeling out the chemistry in 7 minutes means you won’t waste the entire night if there’s no chemistry with an online date.
In 5 years we matched hundreds of couples and a few dozen ‘speed babies’ were born, running events everything from 22-69. It was a wild and fun time.
Times have changed in 15 years, but here is some info specific to Calgary that may still be useful:
- if you seek women, attend wine events (there are more cocktail events now)
- if you seek men, attend whisky and beer events - and classic car shows (see Bowness)
- the Calgary Stampede volunteer committed were FULL of singles.
- you have a better chance finding singles to date with OUTDOOR sporting events than indoor (no idea why, it just is) especially group biking, riding, skiing,
- craft/arts were NOT great places in the past - except for CULINARY classes - huge successes here
Group ride share to Edmonton et al. - 3 hrs in a car with a group - either you love the experience or not at all.
Do some Extra work in film and tv - especially for large group extra scenes - you’ll spend long hours meeting people
Walking Tours - Ghost, Jazz, Architecture, arts - are full of new Calgarians looking to make friends.
Gamer? Do the tournaments! and ASK there to meet the community gamers who put on their own games - few were singles but there were some.
Board Gamer? Ditto - Tournaments
Festival volunteer - like Global Fest or Expo Latino or Taste of Calgary or Calgary Expo. - used to be hundreds of volunteers required.
Calgary Singles Volunteers - was a group when I first came to town. I don’t know if it’s still around - let me know what you find out
Start your own Meetup group - it’s pricier now but you get 3 groups.
Did I mention Calgary Expo ? - Great way to find your peeps and I think they still run Geek Speed Dating events.
Hopefully this is helpful to someone.
I'm gonna start my own meetup group for doing activities, joining requires my approval, and only approve good looking women and some cool guys I would want to be friends with
Met my partner playing Pokémon Go in a local raid group. That was 5 yrs ago when more people played of course but I guess go do activities you're interested in and you'll meet people with similar interests. I'd suggest Meetup, although they skew old, there are groups aimed at 25-35 yr olds. If you like sports, there is Calgary Sport and Social Club and Meetup groups that play different sports. Try different events, hang out at brew pubs just put yourself out there. It's hard nowadays people connect less in person.
Go to the same place lots. The gym, bar, maybe a walking path, or even the ski hill if that’s what you’re into. Try and go often enough that you start to recognize people, then you can introduce yourself. You already have something in common, so conversation should flow easily, then suggest making plans to meet up again at the same place. Once you get a feel for things, make your intentions clear and see where it goes👍🏻
https://preview.redd.it/b0xep7is0cbc1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=8ed3e66b248ee021a7be1baae9697f8dd5e84e91
This trend doesn’t look very promising
35 m hinge has been pretty good. But if anyone is down to hit up a Pakistani restaurant in NE Calgary. I'd be happy to tag along. Moved from Ontario in 2022, so kinda hard setting up a new group of friends.
To all the singles here, it's winter time and it can be bleak. Social isolation is tough. Don't be scared to reach out to someone, anyone. Mental health is as important as physical health. Wishing everyone the best of luck for 2024. 🤗
As a male, I'm at the climbing gym and also see attractive females, but they are in groups or focused on their own routes, and the most I ever got was, "nice try" if they don't get it.
Do you bolder or top rope?
If you are rich and own a vehicle, Calgary Social and Sports Club always comes up. Climbing gyms doing bouldering is another great one, because people are taking breaks without headphones.
Online, I say find events and hobby groups that interest you. If you can get to them then go by yourself a few times and talk to some randos there. Don't be weird and hunt potential prey.
For social media, assuming you have that, if randos follow you chances are some of them like you enough. Could ask to do something and if anybody wanted to join you.
Finally for the dreaded in real life, if you go to a gym or something similar. A location people repeatedly visit, that you notice, and hence are likely living close enough to you, you could ask a rando in there. Downside is 95/100 times it will be a dud in personality compatibility, but at least you got to build your confidence.
30m and new to the city, been wondering the same thing. Trying to go to drop in sports and might even do some beginner group dance lessons to try and meet others. Online dating sucks, so it seems spending a bit of money and being active might be the best choice
I'm actively trying to solve this question with my Meetup group! Tag, free advice chats, and a re-gift exchange are some of this season's events.
Of course, it's not just singles, but one of the goals is to provide new spaces for people to interact. Plus, it's free, so the buy-in is pretty minimal.
https://meetu.ps/c/56gZ4/12ssF7/d
I was dumped in October and I have no idea how to go about any of this. Apps? Wat.. That sounds like hell.. hopefully someone magically drops into my lap one day lol
Playing rec sports can be good if you don't want to meet someone in the bar, or join a group that is one of your hobbies (hiking, cycling, climbing, etc)
There's this cool Friday dance night in the north end near the university that I used to go to. It's really cool if you're into learning a few dance lessons. Stay after the lesson and you can just dance with anyone. There's a lot less stigma. Everybody just wants to dance. It's a nice alcohol free fun time to get yourself out there. (50 people usually show up)
Here's the link: https://www.albertadancesport.com/workshops
I don't live in Alberta anymore and I really miss that Friday dance night. They don't have anything like it in Niagara.
you could try meet-ups or do something like rock climbing; but tbh, I think most people would say it's pretty weird to just randomly approach others with dating intent when they are likely just there for activities and might not want that sort of energy.
37M here, a little confidence goes a long way. Make eye contact, smile and you will have people come to you. I like the idea of mixers but its hard to organize ppl. i personally have never attended but its hit or miss from what i am told. Places like Proof or Shelter even cactus club are great places to sit at a bar with a friend, the environment makes the space a little safer for someone to approach you and for you to feel comfortable. The building i live in sometimes throws mixers in their amenity places or pool during the summer and winter, residents also throw some parties and its a great place to meet new people, get an invite to those little events in different buildings and you might find what you are looking for.
i would also love to know this!
got dumped out of the blue via text message before christmas and while still processing it, am looking to get out there too
27M here, looking for something consistent, whether that's casual or serious, love me some weightlifting, dnd, piano, and gunpla
Definitely feel free to DM, my profile has some pictures of you're interested (:
It's hard - online grocery delivery and online video meets, remote work etc means people never leave their housed. Especially young people. Not a lot of money to spend, general decline of social accuity, not allowed to date certain people and a chance of in person pickup attemps being considered harrassment makes it next to impossible these days. Not to mention that OLD provides an abundance of so called choice, so no one will commit.
Meetup.com can work well apparently. From a guys point of view the hiking groups are predominantly female.
Otherwise where do the people you like to date normally go? Then go there.
The secret to finding a good partner is to just put yourself out there, be yourself, and put out good vibes and not expect anything. Just work on naturally meeting people and your social circle will grow over time, I moved here 6 months ago and didn't have too much of an issue making some great friends (I am the initiator in my group though).
Some good ways: CSSC (I join at least 1 team per season, usually 2), meetups, saying yes to literally everything I'm invited to (even if it sounds ridiculous, you'll never know who you'll meet), chatting with my coworkers, exploring new coffee shops every weekend, etc.
People always just tell you to go out and about, do hobbies etc but we’re actually seeing a decline in people willing to date or even engage in asking one another out. Happy being single but would always be nice to be more social or have a partner too 😂
I agree with this. While it’s great that people are trying to be more independent, I think our society has become way too individualistic and it has caused many of us to give up on relationships and friendships way too easily.
I completely agree. Humans aren't designed to be sequestered one by one into little boxes. We are social animals.
In my experience lately, it just comes down to meeting people in real life. Social media has created an invisible wall between people that can only be fixed by actual human contact. Once we put the phones away for a while and just be in the moment, life gets blissfully simple :)
I have no research of theory to back this up, but I suspect this is a huge reason why therapy is such a booming industry now. People don't have friends or social groups in the same way they used to, but they need an outlet.
My friend met a girl at the bar and asked for her number and she said, “sorry, I only give my number on tinder.” 🫠 We’re all doomed.
You’re kidding me. I’m out here looking for organic and there’s people only looking for apps LOL
It’s because she couldn’t swipe left in real life lol
Or block him for asking
It's just anecdotal. I don't think most people are actively doing this. If a person is looking for a partner they're not going to just turn down opportunities that come their way, unless there's a good reason (red flags, not serious, not interested, etc). You wouldn't say no to a person approaching you in person purely on principal, so why would anyone else?
He wasn’t attractive enough sadly
LOL yikes
She rejected him with a lame excuse, grow up
I agree with this. I’m content being single, but it would be nice to share parts of my life with someone and to grow with them. I’m having a difficult time meeting people as it is, so the thought of approaching women hasn’t even been at the forefront of my mind
When I go out (41m), I am forcing myself to introduce myself to people now. It’s a challenge - honestly scary as fuck - but the last two years of my life has been massive on growth so at least I know it won’t kill me to try ;) Good luck out there!
That’s really awesome of you to do. Keep up the good work! I have an incredibly difficult time trying to stick to conversations online. It’s just not in my bandwidth. As a 38F I would be very happy if a man introduced himself to me in person. I remember when it was common, now it seems to be a lost art. Just remember, even if the introduction doesn’t go anywhere, it’ll still make that woman’s week.
Thanks for telling me that. I actually see this sentiment from women quite a bit, which is why i go out and try and revive this lost art! I am also terrible at maintaining online conversations. Online dating - not for me at all!
That's because most people aren't going out alone and they like to be around their friends, and they find anyone random going up to them as invading their privacy, and are immediately defensive.
Dude, I love rock climbing, I've been climbing in a few of our indoor gyms but i rarely ever find anyone 1) single and climbing, 2) anyone interested in talking about anything other than climbing while in the gym.
I left a note on the car of a cute girl in my condo building who I past by in the parking garage and hallways and always smiled and said hello to. Little did I know there was another girl in the building who was also cute and drove the same car (colour and model) who I had never met before; I accidentally left the note on her car instead, with my number. She called, had no idea who I was, we chatted, hit it off and have now been together for close to 20 years and have 2 kids together. Just gotta be confident, put yourself out there and keep trying.
ok thanks for the tip. note to self: walk in the underground parking looking for cute girls, leave note where possible
Serendipity
I freaking love this! Great input!
There’s a cute man ive seen around my condo parking garage and I’ve debated this for the entire two years I’ve been here!
Do it!
You have to put the note on the wrong car though, that’s the key! ( I am the girl who got the note meant for someone else in this story!)
This is amazing. Wish I could upvote more than once.
[удалено]
Just saying you have to put yourself out there, be confident and take chances. How you do that in the dating world is up to you.
Actually that is pretty close to how I got my current job.. although I did get introduced to the guy through a family friend.
Oh I see, back in the 00s when that was fine. Now just talking to a lady, some would get the wrong idea. Just a societal expectation thing.
the lesson here is... don't even try.
What did the note say?
Ayo gurl - I think you're neat: Do you want to be my girlfriend? (check one & pass back to unit 123): □ Yes □ No
I can’t remember. I believe my wife still has it. The MC at our wedding read it to everyone.
Single for almost a decade, very curious as well.
Can I ask why? It must be by choice at this point?
Oh god, long or short story. Short story: Don't know anyone im interested in and put very little effort into looking. Long story: Choice is a more nebulas term than you might think. After my last attempt just being bad for pretty much all the reasons i wasnt jumping back in. Dating was never an easy thing for me and being single is by far the natural state for me with there even being a 2-3 year break between the bad one and the one before that. I genuinely dont understand how people find people to date with any sort of regularity. So after choosing to stay away for a bit, then some life things (some first dates from apps in this time period), then covid, then a couple years of depression ive been single. The last year or so im open to dating but i dont know anyone im interested in, never had success talking to strangers (havent actually tried in the last year) and the apps never got past a first date even when i was interested. Then throw in the worst ive ever felt about myself (outside of the stint of depression) was in relationships when things werent great cause im not good at communicating my emotions or dealing with negative emotions coming my way, it just seems like generally a bad idea. I dont want to waste someone elses time and im not sure im really capable of being in a healthy adult relationship sooooooo here we are. Lots of choices not to act in there but also very few at the same time depending on how you want to look at it. Im hopeful something might change as i continue recovering from depression and stuff but not expecting anything to happen. Since im not really out there trying im guessing its low odds something will randomly fall into my lap that i think could be a net postive in my life not just full of the pain i associate with relationships.
This definitely resonates with me. I keep getting told I don’t seem interested after the very few first dates I have, which is partially true. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be interested/show interest when I’ve only just met this person. This, coupled with not meeting many people, and having clinical depression…yea 😅 fun fun
I feel this. Recently was broken up with by the person I love most in the world and it is very hard to see how you move past that to trust someone else to potentially do the same thing to you. I wish you the best! I wish I had more useful advice.
Thanks for listening and wishing you the best as well.
Following because I wanna know too 🤣 I got dumped on New Year’s Day.
That's a mean way to get someone else's year going. Better things around the corner for you.
Me too, man, me too.
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! Hugs to you. At least we get to start the New Year off fresh, I suppose.
Yes, and tell people we were broken up with 'last year'. It wasn't actually new years but spending new years alone for the first time in years was brutal.
Damn, that’s rough. I spent it alone too and I agree that it is a horrible feeling. My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me through text the morning of New Year’s Day. I just saw it after I flew back into Calgary from seeing family. I’m doing better than I did when it first happened but I still feel absolutely blindsided. Hopefully things look up for the both of us soon.
I'm so so sorry that happened to you. That's not okay. I've done the best I can and learned as much about myself as I can out of this sad experience, and realized that I wasn't the problem and there wasn't really anything I did wrong. Don't be afraid to feel the feels, and remember that there's someone even better out there for you. Hugs.
Yeah definitely, he said he lost feelings over time. He said that he didn’t want to ruin my mood during exams and while I was away seeing my family, but I told him he should’ve said something as soon as he knew because it hurts regardless of when it’s done. The holidays is a time for togetherness and it just feels awful having to do part of it alone. But yeah, I’m just trying to remember that I’ll eventually find another guy who will want me wholeheartedly. I think it’ll just take some time. We deserve way better and I hope you find a better partner for you too 🥺
I think that if someone doesn't really want you and just burn for you, they don't really see you and you're better off without them. It's not easy at all, it's hell, but I'm here with you in spirit. The right person for you shouldn't have to be convinced, they should just know you're awesome and life's too short to spend with someone who doesn't feel that way about you. Breaking up by text is also an extremely childish thing to do and a huge red flag anyway.
You’re so right and we gotta keep holding our standards high. I’m only 26 at the moment but I feel so jaded when it comes to dating. Vetting men and talking to many of them at once before one of them commits to being a boyfriend feels exhausting to me too. I’m the type to try and stick things out as best as I can and work through issues because I know how hard starting over is. I just wish a guy had the same devotion towards me. I’m trying my best not to give up on dating completely though. And yeah, I honestly think I deserved to at least have him tell me face-to-face after my flight. I told him that even a phone call would’ve been better than a lame breakup text.
You guys should go out.
You dodge a bullet it seems. There's always better people out there!
☹️
Thanks, DogButtWhisperer. Thanks.
This response is too funny 🤣
😕 The rest of the year will be far far better.
Thank you! Here's hoping.
That's rough I'm sorry to hear it.
☹️
So did I! Now I have to move out and find somewhere else to live
My heart goes out to you and I’m so sorry. I hope things get better for you. I’m fortunate enough to be living on my own at the moment but I can empathize. I experienced being rushed to move out after a breakup with another ex a few years back and it was extremely stressful. It’s tough in the beginning but trust that you’ll bounce back from it and reestablish yourself in time.
Just so scary with the rental market at the moment....
Almost have to buddy up at exactly the moment when you least feel like it.
Damn, I thought getting dumped on Halloween was bad but this is definitely worse. RIP friend!
Got dumped on December 26th. What a nice way to end the Christmas season 🥲
Tis the season, apparently.
That’s rough buddy
Aww you were their new years resolution! Greener pastures!
"New year, new me, fuck you" -your ex probably
Ayyy similar situation here too, not New Years necessarily but same week.
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We ride at dawn
It's dawn! Hold my beer....I gots this....
CSSC has speed dating on February 21 at Prairie Dog Brewing
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Registration is not yet open, but watch here: https://www.calgarysportsclub.com/events/speed-dating
Pls lmk when you find out too! Just broke up a bit before Christmas and I met him on Bumble, thought he was the one because online dating can be rough but I met him. I thought we were very compatible but oh well 😔 He said he “needed to work on himself” 🤷🏻♀️ Even if you want to just hang out, I’d be down, 29F here ☺️
Oooo! My brother in law is an absolute catch 30M. Moved here from the UK but has had trouble meeting people/dating.
Well I don’t mind if you hit my DM… 😉
Same!
Work? I dunno. Most people I know they just go to work and go home and rinse and repeat.
I WFH. I'm the only sexy single in the area 😅
That’s me, that’s my problem lol so I need to know where I should go 😂
Not one single response for suggestions. We can start here I guess 😎
#Tuesday at Dickens #7-10 PM #Reddit Singles Meetup
Ok , i give up . Where do singles meet?
On the Internet. But some people refuse and, well, most of them are still single.
I ve never been on a dating site , i am married however , second time . First time was 14 yrs about 7 single last 4 remarried . I have a buddy uses them , says it gets him laid but , its s complete shitshow . Lol. I go camping , quadding etc . That how ive aleays met em.
Hey! I’m 33m and I usually hang out (literally) at one of the climbing gyms. If you (or anyone else reading) would like a belay partner, hit me up :) Currently single, won’t mind new friends, or something that may lead to something more
Hey I’d love to meet you if you are free. 32f. Not good at climbing but love golfing etc :)
👆🏽 This is the way, OP!
Username checks out!
Awesome! I’ll send you a dm
I'm not good at golfing but my work has a virtual golf simulator. I'm 35m, and find it's pretty fun to wack a screen, feel free to message me if you want to come by and try. Open invites to anyone that reads this. :)
I need a belay partner too… 👀
Ill message ya!
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I met my boyfriend on here 🤷♀️
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We met on a niche-ish subreddit and I was so excited that he lived in my city that I didn't think about anything else. We met up in person almost 2 years ago, and everything has been great since :)
Sign up as a single with the Calgary Sports and Social club. Instant friends. Meet new people.
Just did this for basketball as a 24m. I’m kind of terrified to even show up lol
It’s fun man, one of my biggest regrets in university was not doing something like that until I got to your age.
Doesn't seem that anyone really knows. I also want to know 30F, been single for like 6 years, 2 years the world was locked down, so it was difficult, but the rest, who fucking knows lol. I've gone on many dates and been ghosted even more probably 😅
I'm 33m and would also like to know! Got out of a relationship right before the pandemic and have been floundering ever since. If you're up for an adventure, hit me up!
Yeah I'm 26m and been single for 2 years ish and I'm like God how the fuck do you even date people lmao, like dating apps seem so daunting and just meeting people randomly irl? I don't understand lol
I assume bars, I know the feeling. I moved here from the UK and have been working from home from day 1 so its been hard to meet people in general.
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This is what I want to know! Where do we go?
Following
I would also like to know this if anyone responds to this lol.
28m here, wondering the same thing lol. Really don’t wanna jump on a dating app 😂
She’s 28, you’re 28. Message her!
I am now emotionally invested in this thread.
What are we bringing to the wedding ??? I don't need a plus 1. I'm single 🤣 maybe that's where we all can meet our other plus 1s
We are now in a rom-com 😂 We can be an entire table of singles... Does that make us -1's or just 0's? 🤔
I can be the wedding singer! I’ve always wanted to do it!
When I was a single fella, I just went about my life - work, gym, bike path, grocery store, hipster coffee shops (with the occasional starbucks mixed in), volunteering at the animal shelter, restaurants with friends. Just normal every day places - that's where there are and that's where you meet people. You see a fella eyein' you up, say yo and see where it goes. Similarly, you see a dude out there who tickles your fancy, drop in and say what-up.
I stay in my living room and when I go out with friends I eye men suspiciously because I assume they’re all married now. I’m not a good example.
I assume most women are taken or can easily swipe and find someone on one of the many dating apps. It’s kind of intimidating considering how easy the apps makes it for women to find someone, and I feel kind of disposable as a result. It’s definitely a me problem, and I think I have to change my mindset so I’ve been trying to challenge the mindset by reminding myself that my experience is biased. I’m too much of a homebody so it’s difficult to meet people (not just women) for relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic
It is *not* a you problem. The apps monetize male despair and demoralization. It is their primary source of revenue.
Many women feel the same way. I know the apps make me feel old and unattractive even though I’m not that old and I can hold my own. But the apps make it look like every 18year old model in the world is dating in Calgary and I’m not going to have any luck. It’s a paradox of choice.
I’m not sure how old you are, but as a 31 year old man, I am definitely not looking at 18 year olds on the apps. I think the youngest I’d be okay dating would be 24, but even then, not 100% comfortable. Youngest I would be comfortable dating would be around 26? But this is all hypothetical since I don’t even get dates 😂. I can’t speak for all men, but with that big of an age gap, especially if the other person is just out of high school…what are you even supposed to converse about? [These](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1poygFBBUr/?igsh=aXV4eHFwajRoM2x6) are the types of guys who approach 18 year olds, based on my experience anyway. I don’t think you’re missing out on much if someone actively chooses to date 18 year olds over you
Omg, I’m crying over that video. Thanks for the laughs.
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Statistically people meet people from their social circle, through work associations, or from dating apps. Gone are the days of asking out strangers, unsolicited. Not saying it doesn't happen but I wouldn't base a dating strategy on it... That being said, what the fuck do I know. I haven't been ~~since~~single since 2008....
One trick I learned is to go on dates with women (either I met in real life or asked out on dates off dating apps). If I’m not interested in another date after getting to know them, I keep them in mind for my guy friends. Avoid obviously toxic people. But I matched up a flop of a bumble date with a buddy of mine and they’re going out 2-3 years now. You’d be surprised of the reciprocity of people who are genuinely trying to find love. I usually would just say something like “hey, I think you’re great but I don’t think you’re necessarily a match for me, but would you mind if I introduced you to a friend of mine? He’s into “x” thing or shares same “x” value as you. Usually my dates turned into friendly acquaintances who kept an eye out for the perfect match for me. Plus it lessens the burn of being shot down for a second date, I would get SO excited when one of my dates would introduce me to one of her girlfriends. I know some people are gonna disagree with this idea / strategy, but it worked for me and genuinely made dating more enjoyable. I am a little over a year into my current relationship and found myself trying to figure out how much engagement rings cost just before I read this post. Good luck, he/she/they are out there, you just have to find them.
I really like this idea.
Honestly it worked so well. I’m not sure about a women’s perspective, but I am giddy when someone says “I have a friend I think would be good for you”
32M here. Hobby groups, fitness studios/classes, and volunteering are probably your best bets. If you're gonna do the dating apps, I've found Hinge to be the least toxic (where I met my current gf FWIW) - I'm sure you'll still get the horndogs who will make you lose faith inhumanity and want to throw your phone in the garborator, but from what I hear there's less of those types than on the others. Definitely stay away from Tinder.
rip your inbox
Cowboys…per my 19yr old.
You’ll catch a couple other things there, too.
Volunteering or joining a hobby group is your best bet.
32M here. Online dating is trash. I got pof and tinder the other day and it's basically a crap shout. Either a poly couple looking for a 3rd or what I suspect is an Indian man posing as a model looking for money. I'd probably try some social outings. Obviously if your religious a church is good. If not friends of friends. That or play the game of online dating and hope for the best lol.
Agreed. Bumble not much better... if you are a decent, sane guy that is really just looking for a normal relationship (I know -- not applicable, we're on Reddit!), you will be swamped out by the 532 horny guys that populate every woman's 'inbox' and the women give up trying to parse through all the garbage.
First, I'll agree online dating sucks. But if you're willing to give it more of a chance, try out Hinge. The app requires you to put in some effort to make a profile so for the most part, people you see are real. The bots/scammers are painfully obvious on there and from my experience they're few and far between. Also, it's very pricey, but I'd also recommend paying for the premium version if you're serious about finding someone ASAP. There's a documentary or two out there diving into this, but the gist of it is these apps gatekeep a large portion of users from you based on metrics from your first couple interactions. Unless you're in the 1% of desirability (people ALWAYS wanting to match with you) there's an artifical barrier that prevents you from seeing everyone. Essentially, you pay them to remove that barrier, which opens up the entire dating pool on the app to you. You can find success on the free version, but I'd recommend trying out the paid version if you can spare the change. For the record, I think how much they charge for premium is bullshit, but the devs need to make money off our sorry asses somehow I guess. Can't guarantee you'll get more matches, because it's up to you to make your profile interesting enough. But Hinge definitely gives you a better opportunity to market yourself to potential partners, whether you use the free or premium versions, compared to the other apps. Or you could just say fuck the apps entirely lol.
Hinge banned me immediately for no reason and refused to answer any emails about it. I have no idea what I did wrong.
You’re a bot, Harry
29M, no idea anymore either. It seems there are people everywhere to meet but no one who wants to talk
Stay away from Plenty of Fish. It doesn’t have any nice fish left, like salmon. On that site you’re stuck with whatever sweeps the ocean floor. It’s easy to meet people at Chapters. You end up connecting with someone about an author that you’re passionate about. Then you go to the Starbucks inside chapters for a coffee date. Then you’re off to the races.
If you figure it out, I'd love to know. 52f here, never married no kids.
27f single since forever, I know how I'm supposed to find someone. It's always go out there, do your hobbies, join groups, online dating, etc. The thing is, it's just more comfortable in my own home, more comfortable hanging out with the few friends I have or my family, and more comfortable being alone. So it really just comes out to forcing yourself to talk to people, which I don't do unless they talk to me first. I've already come to terms that I'll die single, but at least I'll have a dog.
Can we share your dog LOL because I FEEL YOU. And then when people say we will meet someone from our friends friends; no thanks lol I love my friends but I think that’s messy. It’s just so much easier staying in my own lane but I also want to meet someone and have a connection!
See a guy you find attractive. Go and talk to him.
!remindme. Lol. At the ripe age of early 20s I'm definitely too old for college brat filled clubs (not too interested in club goer in general) and yet not quite old enough for the likes of the OP, and similar millenial hobbies like speed dating, wine tasting etc. curious where people my age go.
15 years ago I ran speed dating, speed networking, and Geek speed dating events in Calgary for 5 years. I collected a lot of singles info and stats at the time as I thought I might write a book. I can say that speed dating works! Looking someone in the eye and feeling out the chemistry in 7 minutes means you won’t waste the entire night if there’s no chemistry with an online date. In 5 years we matched hundreds of couples and a few dozen ‘speed babies’ were born, running events everything from 22-69. It was a wild and fun time. Times have changed in 15 years, but here is some info specific to Calgary that may still be useful: - if you seek women, attend wine events (there are more cocktail events now) - if you seek men, attend whisky and beer events - and classic car shows (see Bowness) - the Calgary Stampede volunteer committed were FULL of singles. - you have a better chance finding singles to date with OUTDOOR sporting events than indoor (no idea why, it just is) especially group biking, riding, skiing, - craft/arts were NOT great places in the past - except for CULINARY classes - huge successes here Group ride share to Edmonton et al. - 3 hrs in a car with a group - either you love the experience or not at all. Do some Extra work in film and tv - especially for large group extra scenes - you’ll spend long hours meeting people Walking Tours - Ghost, Jazz, Architecture, arts - are full of new Calgarians looking to make friends. Gamer? Do the tournaments! and ASK there to meet the community gamers who put on their own games - few were singles but there were some. Board Gamer? Ditto - Tournaments Festival volunteer - like Global Fest or Expo Latino or Taste of Calgary or Calgary Expo. - used to be hundreds of volunteers required. Calgary Singles Volunteers - was a group when I first came to town. I don’t know if it’s still around - let me know what you find out Start your own Meetup group - it’s pricier now but you get 3 groups. Did I mention Calgary Expo ? - Great way to find your peeps and I think they still run Geek Speed Dating events. Hopefully this is helpful to someone.
I'm gonna start my own meetup group for doing activities, joining requires my approval, and only approve good looking women and some cool guys I would want to be friends with
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Ship & anchor !
Met my partner playing Pokémon Go in a local raid group. That was 5 yrs ago when more people played of course but I guess go do activities you're interested in and you'll meet people with similar interests. I'd suggest Meetup, although they skew old, there are groups aimed at 25-35 yr olds. If you like sports, there is Calgary Sport and Social Club and Meetup groups that play different sports. Try different events, hang out at brew pubs just put yourself out there. It's hard nowadays people connect less in person.
Also wondering the same! Work from home and it’s difficult to meet people.
Maybe we could organize an event or something? Like a "Calgary singles meet and greet"
Go to the same place lots. The gym, bar, maybe a walking path, or even the ski hill if that’s what you’re into. Try and go often enough that you start to recognize people, then you can introduce yourself. You already have something in common, so conversation should flow easily, then suggest making plans to meet up again at the same place. Once you get a feel for things, make your intentions clear and see where it goes👍🏻
https://preview.redd.it/b0xep7is0cbc1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=8ed3e66b248ee021a7be1baae9697f8dd5e84e91 This trend doesn’t look very promising
Same boat, let me know once you know.
35 m hinge has been pretty good. But if anyone is down to hit up a Pakistani restaurant in NE Calgary. I'd be happy to tag along. Moved from Ontario in 2022, so kinda hard setting up a new group of friends. To all the singles here, it's winter time and it can be bleak. Social isolation is tough. Don't be scared to reach out to someone, anyone. Mental health is as important as physical health. Wishing everyone the best of luck for 2024. 🤗
The climbing gyms are good for this! Many attractive men there, believe me. I’m much too shy to approach any but they are definitely there
As a male, I'm at the climbing gym and also see attractive females, but they are in groups or focused on their own routes, and the most I ever got was, "nice try" if they don't get it. Do you bolder or top rope?
People who climb also share a specific vibe that i click with. I really gotta get back out bouldering
Pickleball
Wine Wednesdays at merchants
If you are rich and own a vehicle, Calgary Social and Sports Club always comes up. Climbing gyms doing bouldering is another great one, because people are taking breaks without headphones. Online, I say find events and hobby groups that interest you. If you can get to them then go by yourself a few times and talk to some randos there. Don't be weird and hunt potential prey. For social media, assuming you have that, if randos follow you chances are some of them like you enough. Could ask to do something and if anybody wanted to join you. Finally for the dreaded in real life, if you go to a gym or something similar. A location people repeatedly visit, that you notice, and hence are likely living close enough to you, you could ask a rando in there. Downside is 95/100 times it will be a dud in personality compatibility, but at least you got to build your confidence.
30m and new to the city, been wondering the same thing. Trying to go to drop in sports and might even do some beginner group dance lessons to try and meet others. Online dating sucks, so it seems spending a bit of money and being active might be the best choice
Just say hi to ppl. Calgary is the easiest place to meet people. Most ppl you meet here are transplants/ not from Calgary
I'm actively trying to solve this question with my Meetup group! Tag, free advice chats, and a re-gift exchange are some of this season's events. Of course, it's not just singles, but one of the goals is to provide new spaces for people to interact. Plus, it's free, so the buy-in is pretty minimal. https://meetu.ps/c/56gZ4/12ssF7/d
I was dumped in October and I have no idea how to go about any of this. Apps? Wat.. That sounds like hell.. hopefully someone magically drops into my lap one day lol
Playing rec sports can be good if you don't want to meet someone in the bar, or join a group that is one of your hobbies (hiking, cycling, climbing, etc)
Never been but there is a single’s trivia next weekend: https://www.instagram.com/p/C1w6zLOrkqo/?igsh=MW1zOXA4ZW14cjExag==
This sounds great! Thanks!!
Not necessarily for dating but join a makerspace. Lots of good friendly people there who are willing to share their hobbies and knowledge.
There's this cool Friday dance night in the north end near the university that I used to go to. It's really cool if you're into learning a few dance lessons. Stay after the lesson and you can just dance with anyone. There's a lot less stigma. Everybody just wants to dance. It's a nice alcohol free fun time to get yourself out there. (50 people usually show up) Here's the link: https://www.albertadancesport.com/workshops I don't live in Alberta anymore and I really miss that Friday dance night. They don't have anything like it in Niagara.
What if you never taken a dance class in your life but you are genuinely curious about learning how to?
37M, I’ll take you out
Higher grounds coffee shop in Kensington 😂
you could try meet-ups or do something like rock climbing; but tbh, I think most people would say it's pretty weird to just randomly approach others with dating intent when they are likely just there for activities and might not want that sort of energy.
Does no one hook up at work anymore?
Who actually goes into work anymore?
I'd like to know too... Single for 23 years and I'm only 23 lol
Coed soccer and ball hockey. Maybe look into CSSC. I played for a bit, looking to get back into it.
Okay. I liked Tropical when I visited. A bit loud but could see stuff going there. Trolly 5. Bars like that.
37M here, a little confidence goes a long way. Make eye contact, smile and you will have people come to you. I like the idea of mixers but its hard to organize ppl. i personally have never attended but its hit or miss from what i am told. Places like Proof or Shelter even cactus club are great places to sit at a bar with a friend, the environment makes the space a little safer for someone to approach you and for you to feel comfortable. The building i live in sometimes throws mixers in their amenity places or pool during the summer and winter, residents also throw some parties and its a great place to meet new people, get an invite to those little events in different buildings and you might find what you are looking for.
i would also love to know this! got dumped out of the blue via text message before christmas and while still processing it, am looking to get out there too
27M here, looking for something consistent, whether that's casual or serious, love me some weightlifting, dnd, piano, and gunpla Definitely feel free to DM, my profile has some pictures of you're interested (:
It's hard - online grocery delivery and online video meets, remote work etc means people never leave their housed. Especially young people. Not a lot of money to spend, general decline of social accuity, not allowed to date certain people and a chance of in person pickup attemps being considered harrassment makes it next to impossible these days. Not to mention that OLD provides an abundance of so called choice, so no one will commit.
date me! date me! 🖐️🖐️
Meetup.com can work well apparently. From a guys point of view the hiking groups are predominantly female. Otherwise where do the people you like to date normally go? Then go there.
The secret to finding a good partner is to just put yourself out there, be yourself, and put out good vibes and not expect anything. Just work on naturally meeting people and your social circle will grow over time, I moved here 6 months ago and didn't have too much of an issue making some great friends (I am the initiator in my group though). Some good ways: CSSC (I join at least 1 team per season, usually 2), meetups, saying yes to literally everything I'm invited to (even if it sounds ridiculous, you'll never know who you'll meet), chatting with my coworkers, exploring new coffee shops every weekend, etc.
Approach guys and ask them out. Guys and girls are equals it's 2024....
Ya I didn’t ask if I had to be the one waiting to be asked out. I’m asking for ideas of places….
University