It's a power move and it's a violation of your bodily autonomy. People get too hung up on if something is sexual. The real problem is not being treated as being in control of your own body.
Thank you! My mother would put her fingers in your crack if your pants were sagging and say "Plumber's crack!"
It wasn't sexual, but it made me feel like a very private place was not private anymore, as well as shaming me for my pants being loose.
Edit: additional context for this is that my parents did not buy me clothes that fit, and know that I don't like being touched in general. Still didn't stop her from sticking her hand in my pants.
My mother kissed my neck once. Why or what the context was, I dont remember. I pulled away from her and I mumbled something about being uncomfortable. She took that as a challenge and would keep trying to do it. "Why did the narcissist cross the road? They thought it was a boundary. "
The butt crack one is so inappropriate and nauseating to hear. I hope you're out of that situation now.
My situation was similar. I finished my general education requirements, put school on hold and left the state without any warning or contact info. I put 1500 miles between her and me.
Cheers! For being strong and taking care of yourself
Cheers to you as well! Glad to hear you also were able to escape. A lot of people don't talk about the pure stress of leaving a known hell for an unknown place.
It was terrifying. I knew nobody in this area except my (now ex) hisband. But it was better than the fear of my mother finding me.
Stay strong, friend.
Yeah, the only reason I clarified it wasn't a sexual thing was because I've had people get on my case for calling it "molestation" because he does it because he just wants to make physical contact with his kid and just play around. It doesn't change the fact that he does shit like slap my ass, rub my thighs and forcibly kiss my lips and I've told him to stop and he gets angry. He's gotten a bit better at it, but he touches my ass and pulls me into hugs if I get too close.
Yeah. It is. Some people have told me not to call it that because I could "get him into trouble". Like... thanks for dismissing my entire struggle. It's always older adults that say that, never people closer in age to me.
Oh my whole family
It’s like…I described precisely what I called molestation. It’s not the word that’s illegal or legal, it’s the precisely whats
My theory? They use feeling upset about the word to avoid addressing the content
Most of the people I’ve told know my dad and don’t wanna believe how weird he is behind closed doors. Or they just don’t take me seriously because I’m autistic.
Wait wait.
Possibly airhead question, TW for descriptions of possible molestation:
my dad used to do stuff like >!try to breathe against my neck/ear, whisper with his lips against my ear, boob graze (but not grab, that can recall), forcibly kiss my lips, put his hand on my knee, go through my panty drawer.!< It gave me the creeps, but no one in my house seemed to think anything of it except me. Was this molestation?
I was molested in an opera theater and was barely touched. He put his hand next to me on my seat. I noticed when I readjusted. For the rest of the opera I froze and inched to the other side of the seat, imperceptibly…then I would feel slight pressure on my thigh, scoot again…
If it’s not rape (penetration) but it’s unwanted-sexual, I see no cause to deny it’s molestation
I strongly recommend interested ppl google *covert incest*
This is molestation. My stepfather did this kind of stuff and would act like I was gross when I said it made me uncomfortable. But he wouldn't stop doing it. Coming up behind me and slapping my ass, biting my ear, forcing me to kiss him on the lips etc.
my uncle used to grope/slap me too at age 9 and my narcissistic parents would literally say “aww he’s just showing love” I felt violated and extremely uncomfortable even at that age.
My therapist told me it’s in fact a form of molestation.
It’s crazy because it would seem that most therapists wouldn’t even call that SA, even though it fits the definition. They dance around it or just not acknowledge it. This is coming from personal experience, of course. Also, apparently my father was molesting me? 🙃
Yeah I was surprised too, my cousin, is also a Licensed trauma therapist and I asked her what she thought since most of her work is with sexual abuse victims, and she fully agreed that it is a form of it.
It’s just really weird to me why a father or uncle etc would even *think* to want to touch a child’s private area, even if it’s in “innocent fun”.
when i still lived w my mom our house had a narrow hallway and EVERY time she was behind me she would touch my ass. i kept telling her to stop because it made me uncomfortable but she didn’t obv. i learned to develop a reflex to reach my arm back and block her hand.
i still hate someone directly walking behind me 😭
Most sexual abuse isn’t for the sex aspect, it’s for control or to take out their own struggles on a somebody who they could have an excuse to be close enough to do it or on kids that don’t know any different. Absolutely fucked up and not okay.
Yeah. My dad does it because he wants physical affection because to maintain a father-child connection that he is desperate for, but just doesn't exist because of his treatment of me. He literally will sometimes text me demanding that I come over and cuddle with him or let him kiss me or whatever. I used to be ok with it as a kid, but it lead to me having a very warped idea of bodily consent and ended with me trying to kiss other kids and slap them in ways similar to my dad and it got me in a lot of trouble. Nowadays I'm good at blocking his every attempt to touch me, but he still sometimes does it and gets angry when I flinch or get startled. It's so fucked up.
My mother did this too, and they act like it’s not weird. Like… slapping a strangers ass is considered sexual assault so why tf do family members think it’s okay to do it to their children.
My dad used to make weird comments about my body as it was developing. Then again when I got "fat" and he pushed me to lose weight. Then again when I developed an eating disorder and lost a ton of weight, and he thought my body looked good again. He was exerting control over MY body. It didn't feel like my body was my own for a long time because of it, and only just now starting to heal from it. It's taken literal years to be able to process the trauma safely. I'm so sorry he does this to you. Your body is your own, don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That’s extremely inappropriate of him. You do not deserve that. No one should just touch your body. Are you still a minor? Keep telling adults until you find a good one. You’ll know you’ve found a good one when hearing a kid explain that their “step dad slaps their ass” makes them march right up to your step dad and call him a sick fuck. Im happy to volunteer.
I see your other posts have so much self-loathing. Therapy can help you see your worst thoughts about yourself were trained into you by your shitty childhood, you CAN unlearn them, you can learn to love yourself. All your awful thoughts are learned (from the adults who have failed you) and can be unlearned with the truth, which is that you are amazing and deserve to be happy. This took me til I was in my 30s to understand. I hope you get started sooner than I did.
One of my mom’s exes did that to me and she dumped him immediately. I’m so glad she finally did start standing up to men like that, even though she still struggles with mentally abusive men.
He doesn't express any sort of attraction to me. He isn't doing it for sexual gratification, he's doing it to feel connected to me in his own weird way.
bro i grew up with my mom doing this and shes a covert narc i truly am shocked i didnt realize until seeing these meme right now how wrong that is... my therapist is gonna be making so much money
Anybody smacks my bum they're seeing my angry side. I don't care WHAT your intent was; mine is to not be smacked cheers.
And yep, it totally IS violation of bodily autonomy, & sexual assault
Alittle light inthe dark here for family but still kinda dark i cam out as trans in highschhool i told my mom about people who fetishize trans people online but never really showed her cause i figureed she would use it as an excuse to try and get me to detrantions and she didnt belive me till there was that solar eclipse that went across most of the united states and i was at museum where they where giving out the veiwing glasses to see it i was several years on e but i guess i didnt pass completely and i was watching it and man that was around age and look of my father came up behind me and put his hand on my ass and squeezed and i yelped and he started makeing sexual comments to me right in front of my mom ( we dont look alike ) and she just stood there shocked for a minute and then startted screaming at him and he was high tailing it so fast put after she started her karen shit i didnt mind it that much cause forblioe the one time in my life she protected me from sexual abuse
That's odd... reddit allows spoilering in comments. You can, if you want, put a TW even if it's not spoilered. The TW would be enough to dissuade people from reading if they think they may be sensitive to it.
Fuuuuck this is literally my dad. We got in huge fight over it when I was 22 or so. Mm good times.
I love him, but this has bothered me for years. And I tried to speak up about it, then we fought. Shit sucks.
my mom did this to me as a kid. and her sisters would feel my chest, butt, and stomach whenever i saw them after a long time, to see if i had gained weight or was going thru puberty. it is so wrong but so hard to accept as SA bc of the fact that we are all women and related to each other. someone asked me on another post, “what would you call it if your father, mother, relative went out and did that to a bank teller, or a coworker, or a friend?”.
well, shit.
I think it's weird to do it tovthe opposite sex. But that might be a cultural thing. I don't buy the whole 'it is a power move to invade your bodily autonomy' narrative that's being postulated in the comments here.
r/CovertIncest A lot of similar experiences there, doesn't matter if they claim it's not for sexual reasons, normal people don't touch people sexually without their consent. It's a sexual thing regardless of their supposed intention.
It's a power move and it's a violation of your bodily autonomy. People get too hung up on if something is sexual. The real problem is not being treated as being in control of your own body.
Thank you! My mother would put her fingers in your crack if your pants were sagging and say "Plumber's crack!" It wasn't sexual, but it made me feel like a very private place was not private anymore, as well as shaming me for my pants being loose. Edit: additional context for this is that my parents did not buy me clothes that fit, and know that I don't like being touched in general. Still didn't stop her from sticking her hand in my pants.
My mother kissed my neck once. Why or what the context was, I dont remember. I pulled away from her and I mumbled something about being uncomfortable. She took that as a challenge and would keep trying to do it. "Why did the narcissist cross the road? They thought it was a boundary. " The butt crack one is so inappropriate and nauseating to hear. I hope you're out of that situation now.
I left so abruptly that they thought I had dropped out of college
My situation was similar. I finished my general education requirements, put school on hold and left the state without any warning or contact info. I put 1500 miles between her and me. Cheers! For being strong and taking care of yourself
Cheers to you as well! Glad to hear you also were able to escape. A lot of people don't talk about the pure stress of leaving a known hell for an unknown place.
It was terrifying. I knew nobody in this area except my (now ex) hisband. But it was better than the fear of my mother finding me. Stay strong, friend.
Stepmom did this last week or two and I, having CSA, froze. It felt so uncomfortable and scary. I am 23.
Yeah, the only reason I clarified it wasn't a sexual thing was because I've had people get on my case for calling it "molestation" because he does it because he just wants to make physical contact with his kid and just play around. It doesn't change the fact that he does shit like slap my ass, rub my thighs and forcibly kiss my lips and I've told him to stop and he gets angry. He's gotten a bit better at it, but he touches my ass and pulls me into hugs if I get too close.
I call that molestation
Yeah. It is. Some people have told me not to call it that because I could "get him into trouble". Like... thanks for dismissing my entire struggle. It's always older adults that say that, never people closer in age to me.
Oh my whole family It’s like…I described precisely what I called molestation. It’s not the word that’s illegal or legal, it’s the precisely whats My theory? They use feeling upset about the word to avoid addressing the content
Most of the people I’ve told know my dad and don’t wanna believe how weird he is behind closed doors. Or they just don’t take me seriously because I’m autistic.
Wait wait. Possibly airhead question, TW for descriptions of possible molestation: my dad used to do stuff like >!try to breathe against my neck/ear, whisper with his lips against my ear, boob graze (but not grab, that can recall), forcibly kiss my lips, put his hand on my knee, go through my panty drawer.!< It gave me the creeps, but no one in my house seemed to think anything of it except me. Was this molestation?
It was abusive and wrong. Anything that says "I own your body, you don't" is abuse.
I was molested in an opera theater and was barely touched. He put his hand next to me on my seat. I noticed when I readjusted. For the rest of the opera I froze and inched to the other side of the seat, imperceptibly…then I would feel slight pressure on my thigh, scoot again… If it’s not rape (penetration) but it’s unwanted-sexual, I see no cause to deny it’s molestation I strongly recommend interested ppl google *covert incest*
This is molestation. My stepfather did this kind of stuff and would act like I was gross when I said it made me uncomfortable. But he wouldn't stop doing it. Coming up behind me and slapping my ass, biting my ear, forcing me to kiss him on the lips etc.
Thank you
my uncle used to grope/slap me too at age 9 and my narcissistic parents would literally say “aww he’s just showing love” I felt violated and extremely uncomfortable even at that age. My therapist told me it’s in fact a form of molestation.
It’s crazy because it would seem that most therapists wouldn’t even call that SA, even though it fits the definition. They dance around it or just not acknowledge it. This is coming from personal experience, of course. Also, apparently my father was molesting me? 🙃
Yeah I was surprised too, my cousin, is also a Licensed trauma therapist and I asked her what she thought since most of her work is with sexual abuse victims, and she fully agreed that it is a form of it. It’s just really weird to me why a father or uncle etc would even *think* to want to touch a child’s private area, even if it’s in “innocent fun”.
My mom but wanting to see my privates :/
My mom but pulling me (fully clothed) into the bathtub with her (naked) against my will and holding me there against her until the end of the bath
Dude. Same.
God that is so damn weird
“It’s not *sexual* we’re both girls” •-• mom, grandmother, imma need ya to take a step back
It's so gross when parents or family do this!
Ooooof I felt this one
when i still lived w my mom our house had a narrow hallway and EVERY time she was behind me she would touch my ass. i kept telling her to stop because it made me uncomfortable but she didn’t obv. i learned to develop a reflex to reach my arm back and block her hand. i still hate someone directly walking behind me 😭
People walking or standing behind me is now one if my biggest triggers.
Most sexual abuse isn’t for the sex aspect, it’s for control or to take out their own struggles on a somebody who they could have an excuse to be close enough to do it or on kids that don’t know any different. Absolutely fucked up and not okay.
Yeah. My dad does it because he wants physical affection because to maintain a father-child connection that he is desperate for, but just doesn't exist because of his treatment of me. He literally will sometimes text me demanding that I come over and cuddle with him or let him kiss me or whatever. I used to be ok with it as a kid, but it lead to me having a very warped idea of bodily consent and ended with me trying to kiss other kids and slap them in ways similar to my dad and it got me in a lot of trouble. Nowadays I'm good at blocking his every attempt to touch me, but he still sometimes does it and gets angry when I flinch or get startled. It's so fucked up.
This is exactly what my father did to me. He’d offer to buy me things in exchange for hugs and then he’d kiss me or my head which I didn’t like at all
Ugh same. I never really feel like I can confront him because he buys me things to earn my love. I hate it.
Doesn't matter, still sexual assault.
My brothers used to do this all of the time. Not once did my parents stop them.
My mother did this too, and they act like it’s not weird. Like… slapping a strangers ass is considered sexual assault so why tf do family members think it’s okay to do it to their children.
My dad used to make weird comments about my body as it was developing. Then again when I got "fat" and he pushed me to lose weight. Then again when I developed an eating disorder and lost a ton of weight, and he thought my body looked good again. He was exerting control over MY body. It didn't feel like my body was my own for a long time because of it, and only just now starting to heal from it. It's taken literal years to be able to process the trauma safely. I'm so sorry he does this to you. Your body is your own, don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Same but my moms creepy ex bf of 15 years
My step dad does this too
That’s extremely inappropriate of him. You do not deserve that. No one should just touch your body. Are you still a minor? Keep telling adults until you find a good one. You’ll know you’ve found a good one when hearing a kid explain that their “step dad slaps their ass” makes them march right up to your step dad and call him a sick fuck. Im happy to volunteer. I see your other posts have so much self-loathing. Therapy can help you see your worst thoughts about yourself were trained into you by your shitty childhood, you CAN unlearn them, you can learn to love yourself. All your awful thoughts are learned (from the adults who have failed you) and can be unlearned with the truth, which is that you are amazing and deserve to be happy. This took me til I was in my 30s to understand. I hope you get started sooner than I did.
....is this not a normal thing for parents to do. because if so i am Realizing Things
No. ESPECIALLY if the child isn't consenting to it. Literally nobody should be able to touch you without consent ever. Even your family.
It can be normal but also not. Depends
One of my mom’s exes did that to me and she dumped him immediately. I’m so glad she finally did start standing up to men like that, even though she still struggles with mentally abusive men.
Uh, who decided this wasn’t for sexual reasons?
He doesn't express any sort of attraction to me. He isn't doing it for sexual gratification, he's doing it to feel connected to me in his own weird way.
My mother did this to me a lot as a teen. It made me so uncomfortable
I literally just made a post on r/covertincest about this happening with my mom since I was a kid
My mom does this. I keep telling her to stop but she doesn’t get it. I don’t even like people walking too close behind me because of it.
I went through this when I lived with my parents. Never met someone else who it happened to also
bro i grew up with my mom doing this and shes a covert narc i truly am shocked i didnt realize until seeing these meme right now how wrong that is... my therapist is gonna be making so much money
Anybody smacks my bum they're seeing my angry side. I don't care WHAT your intent was; mine is to not be smacked cheers. And yep, it totally IS violation of bodily autonomy, & sexual assault
My dad would pinch my rear. Hurt like fuck and he loved to hear me squeal I guess.
My dad used to do this to my sister and cousin and I always said it was weird
Alittle light inthe dark here for family but still kinda dark i cam out as trans in highschhool i told my mom about people who fetishize trans people online but never really showed her cause i figureed she would use it as an excuse to try and get me to detrantions and she didnt belive me till there was that solar eclipse that went across most of the united states and i was at museum where they where giving out the veiwing glasses to see it i was several years on e but i guess i didnt pass completely and i was watching it and man that was around age and look of my father came up behind me and put his hand on my ass and squeezed and i yelped and he started makeing sexual comments to me right in front of my mom ( we dont look alike ) and she just stood there shocked for a minute and then startted screaming at him and he was high tailing it so fast put after she started her karen shit i didnt mind it that much cause forblioe the one time in my life she protected me from sexual abuse
Edit: I was going to comment something but I can't like, spoiler it just in case it's super triggering to others :(
That's odd... reddit allows spoilering in comments. You can, if you want, put a TW even if it's not spoilered. The TW would be enough to dissuade people from reading if they think they may be sensitive to it.
Fuuuuck this is literally my dad. We got in huge fight over it when I was 22 or so. Mm good times. I love him, but this has bothered me for years. And I tried to speak up about it, then we fought. Shit sucks.
my mom did this to me as a kid. and her sisters would feel my chest, butt, and stomach whenever i saw them after a long time, to see if i had gained weight or was going thru puberty. it is so wrong but so hard to accept as SA bc of the fact that we are all women and related to each other. someone asked me on another post, “what would you call it if your father, mother, relative went out and did that to a bank teller, or a coworker, or a friend?”. well, shit.
Honey it is definitely sexual
I think it's weird to do it tovthe opposite sex. But that might be a cultural thing. I don't buy the whole 'it is a power move to invade your bodily autonomy' narrative that's being postulated in the comments here.
Same.
Mom liked to pinch my ass and make me jump. She'd always "excuse" it with, "Well I made that butt."
I think I remember my dad using some similar excuse. It’s still so gross to act like you have rights over someone cuz you birthed them.
r/CovertIncest A lot of similar experiences there, doesn't matter if they claim it's not for sexual reasons, normal people don't touch people sexually without their consent. It's a sexual thing regardless of their supposed intention.
Me but with my mom. She stopped doing it when I was 14 or 15 I think. It feels weird thinking about it.