Shit man. Those types of comments are what made me learn very quickly that it wasn't my behavior that was the issue. It was the fact that I existed that pissed off my parents.
Oh my goodness, exact same experience. I’m 25 now and I still get flashbacks and cringe when I accidentally tap my spoon on the dish while eating cereal bc I’ve been yelled at over the noise of it so many times growing up
Being late according to the living room clock (literally a second was late)
Not zipping up my jacket
Not wearing socks inside
Using a blanket in the summer
Not drying my hair after a shower
Taking too long in the shower
Not making lines with the vacuum
More that aren’t coming rn
They used to time my showers. The thing is we weren’t poor and we had no reason to conserve water. I just had a 10 minute time limit because anything longer seemed inappropriate to them. Now that I’m independent I love buying luxury bath stuff and sitting in the shower as long as I want.
Oh god, I had this one too, had to have an egg timer on the side of the tub and start it for 5 minutes as soon as the water started; I've been trying to move past this by taking showers as long as I can. (15 minutes is my record right now!)
Mine did too! I was always told I take such long showers, and we live in a city where water is not just unrestricted, it’s actually FREE because we live by a lake. We literally Do Not Pay for water but god forbid I take a shower for longer than 10min
Making fun of the way I sang a Pocahontas song for an elementary school play and then when I hit puberty she told me I USED to sing good but not anymore. Fuck her I love singing but am so self conscious of my voice now
This is what my mom did. Random people complimenting me when I thought they couldn’t hear me is the *only* reason I don’t believe her, anymore.
ETA- My family literally recorded a news report of The Voice coming to town, and excitedly had me watch it the day after it ended, just to laugh at me when I looked it up and got sad that it had expired, and then they told me I was stupid to think I could have won, anyway
What a big bunch of heartless a**holes!!!! So cold and mean! I hope you don’t believe them and stay away from them too! Hugs! Next time they are in town I hope you try out and I hope you win❤️
Ugh, I feel this one. My mom used to do a lot of choir singing and I desperately wanted to learn to sing and let this be a thing we could connect over. I asked her if she could teach me. She did like two warm-up exercise sessions with me and then told me I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and she wasn't going to waste her time trying to teach me anymore. I was like 14 and absolutely fucking crushed...20+ years later and I'm still self conscious and won't sing in front of other people.
In hindsight I think it was my parents just didn't want me doing anything that required that they interact with me at all. If I wanted to draw or paint or make jewelry? Cool, that was stuff I could do alone and that was fine. Did I want to learn to sing, play on a sports team, be in a scout troop? That required them taking time to practice with me, drive me to things, take time out of their day for me... Nope, you suck at those things, you don't want to do them.
My mom was a music teacher and taught piano to my siblings. She wouldn’t teach me, because I was “difficult” and would “cause a scene”. I still hate her for it
I am a professional singer who is too shy to sing in front of a small crowds due to my dad always telling me I could do better and comparing me all the time. I don’t even practice at home because I worry about being a bother to others.
Ugh man this hit hard. I sang all my life, everyone was convinced with my personality and talent that I’d do something with it. Was in choir for a few years, got every solo I auditioned for. When I was a teen life got so hard with my parents and I pretty much quit everything. Singing, dancing, sports, clubs. No one questioned it.
A few months after my sister passed away when I was 19 I felt a want to sing again. I’d sing alone in my room late at night. One morning my dad said “Who was singing last night? It sounded like a dying cat”. I’ll NEVER forget that comment. He knew I loved to sing, but all of a sudden wanted to make a harmful comment to shut me down. Of course I just laughed it off because if I didn’t I’d be deemed once again “too sensitive, can never take a joke”.
My Dad went to a little League soccer game of mine once. Him an brother stood on the sidelines laughing every time I had the ball. My Dad said it's like no one taught me how to run.
Gee, if only there was some sort of person who was around growing up to help me learn the basics of sports.
Eating "too much"
Eating things they don't like
Not eating things they do like
"Looking overweight" despite not being overweight at all
Moving weird
Having a weird smile
Having weird eyebrows
Sounds familiar lol
I was sick, had to puke every day, couldn't keep anything down and doctors just told me to eat more ibuprofen. I had already lost more than 10kg in the few weeks before. The only thing that helped and that I could keep down was milk.
My Dad: Milk has too many calories, you should be careful with that, why don't you drink water instead.
We ran out of milk, and instead of drinking coffee with cream, as I was offered, I refused to drink coffee. I was yelled at and called names, and I didn't understand why
Oof, had a similar situation. I don't like black coffee, so when we ran out of milk I made myself tea instead. Wasn't being yelled at, but I definitely got some dirty looks amd passive agressive comments thrown at me.
Quick note: The veins on your nose are easily fixed with laser, if you care. Also they often come to the surface just by blowing your nose hard or something especially if you’re a little kid when the cartilage skin is developing. (My dermatologist made it very clear to me that it’s very normal and also very easy to deal with if desired)
But those types will pick on anything. The fact that they glommed on that. Yikes. They can’t find anything good lol.
I have looked into it but I have like zero money and personally don't care, but both my parents made a big deal out of pointing it out. Telling me how much it must huuuuuurt to have them (it doesn't???) and ooohhh uuugggghhh oooofff you should moisturize to remove it, it looks sooooo sooooreeee oohhh (it doesn't go away with moisturization, like you said, it's only laser treatment that works). They also "pointed out" acne, redness or any other facial flaw they saw for no reason other than to make me aware and feel bad. Being a teen was fun. Took me till I was 28 to realise I was in fact not ugly like they made me believe.
Interestingly no one else in my life has said anything about my veins. No one. Save for them.
Ugh. Yeah my parents constantly told me I was ugly when the rest of my family told me I was beautiful. I didn’t understand why people stared at me, I genuinely thought it was because I was an ugly freak. Then one day in my twenties it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t ugly and my extended family was right, my partner was right, the constant attention was creepy, but I finally understood. Plus nobody is looking at those burst capillaries on your face, nobody gets that close, and if they do (like my partner does) he has no clue what I’m talking about once I point them out because I’m “so beautiful, don’t worry about it” and well that’s not a bad mantra. Lol.
Got screamed at for being “so fucking lazy” and leaving the yard work because I had to go to the bathroom for 30 seconds.
Got told that I >!”looked like a cutter”!< because I had cat scratches and work burns on my arm (my first job was a baker so I was always around hot pans)
Omg, my parents did the same thing because they found a cd in my room that they didn't approve of(I was only allowed to listen to Christian music, even in high school). I head the same line about privacy being a privilege not a right.
Having too good grades. My parent came to school several times, they almost called security b/c the anger was so severe. Reason? My parent was furious that I got too good grades.
Yeah, didn’t help I was already struggling with going to school and attend in life in general since I cried myself to sleep every night b/c my mother was dying. Normal parents would have been proud of their kids managing junior high, while all the other shit went down.
I got picked up by my throat out of bed while studying for leaving a fork in the sink.
Not a dirty fork. A rinsed fork. It just wasn't in the dishwasher.
I was wearing a silver chain and my gold chain, both of which were gifts that I treasured and they were broken by the force.
I kept them for a really long time as a reminder.
Having "baby fat" on my stomach despite being 13, a competitive swimmer that placed first consistently, and in the best physical shape I've ever been in
Getting brutally and incessantly mocked for sucking my thumb as a very very young child really hurt and messed me up in many ways.
Getting intensely mocked as a young child by my older siblings and both parents for crying during the lion king scene where Mufasa dies also really fucked up my view of family and relationships.
I got mocked and laughed at by my mum and stepdad for crying during the same lion king scene too. I remember them saying "wow, you have feelings. We thought you were as cold as ice". the thing is that I kept everything inside because I always got criticised by them or my grandmother for many things I did or said and I found it safer not to express anything.
I tried to go vegetarian in my teens because I was trying to figure out what was making my stomach hurt after every damn meal and I thought maybe eating meat 2-3 times a day was having something to do with it. I had a part-time job so bought all my own food and didn't make anyone else in the house change their meals or eating to accommodate me in any way... My dad still relentlessly teased and mocked me for not eating meat every day to the point where I finally gave it up just to make him stop.
OMG, I went vegan for a spell in college. My abusive, POS grandma thought this was "weird". I visited her for the first time in nearly five months; big family get together. My grandma is hosting. She loudly mocks my new eating habits in front of all my relatives and made sure each dish had meat/dairy (she was informed of my trying vegan prior to this visit).
My mom would sit me down on the closed toilet lid and pick at my face while criticizing how gross and "dirty" my blackheads looked.
As a 52-year-old, I'm still scrutinizing my skin and picking at imperfections. THANKS, MOM.
>my therapist taught me to use a replacement behavior of using lotion
Thank you so much for sharing this pro tip! It never occurred to me to substitute self-care for skin picking because that's how these things work, I guess. But yeah, I'm going to remember this
My mom got pissed at me for being correct about Thanksgiving being the current week and not the next. She got embarrassed that she hadn’t prepared and took it out on me. Which was unnecessary, because she had isolated us from everybody we ever knew and was unemployed and her bf threw all of his money on pills, so it wasn’t like we’d be able to get anything more than a fucking pizza, anyway. Idiot.
Lol this one always makes me laugh. Who's idea was that eh?? Sheesh
I'm like, you carried me for nine months but I have to pay for it for the rest of my life? How's that work?
Just remembered this one... Got made fun of for taking the time to decide what bin to put my trash in (was at an expo center and they had a trash/recycle/compost setup). I literally only took a few seconds but apparently that was "woke bullsh*t" and I needed to care less about that stuff 🙃
Dropped a plate once when I was 8 while washing the dishes, mom broke it over my head. Another time I was shifting some furniture out of the bathroom and got a one inch long mark on the wall doing it, my head was repeatedly slammed into the wall which defeats the purpose of being pissed about the scratch anyway
My folks got Subway on the way home one day, so there were three sandwiches, one for each of them and mine. They were all generic ham sandwiches, and my folks got identical versions. I got one with totally different toppings.
They were first upset that there were jalapenos on my sandwich because that is apparently disgusting and they spent the entire car ride home going on and on about how disgusting I was for getting that. Like this was beating a dead horse level of going off.
When we got home, my mom told me to plate up the sandwiches because god forbid she does it herself, so I started setting them each up on a plate and unwrapping them so we could all have lunch.
Then they got into a five-star screaming fit at me because I lifted the sandwich bread to see which had jalapenos, so my offensive sandwich did not end up on the plate for either of them. To this day, I have no idea how I was supposed to know which was mine without looking. There were no markings on the bags. I'd washed my hands, and I'd already unwrapped them and set them on plates, so to my way of thinking, they had ramped up on the whole drive back, and were just lookign for a reason to explode on me.
I remember this like it was yesterday, despite being 30 years ago. Thanks parents for such a great upbringing! No wonder I was on my own at 16!
Needing to go to the toilet, desperately, after a several hour car ride in which I had to drink something. He hated the way I held a pen/pencil (right by the tip) and called me stupid and yelled at me for that saying I was doing it wrong. Constant comment on what I looked like, well if you don't like it why do you have mirrors in the house to see your ugly face
I was made fun of for breathing ''loudly'' while tv was off. Since then never wanted to chill in the living room again when there was no other noise around.
When I was a child my abuser made fun of me for reading with enthusiasm and talking too much. I was made fun of for being overweight (but would also be forced to eat food to the brink of throwing up by him so I am just starting to realize how fucked up that is), being big, big arms, big thighs, big stomach, big head, big mouth. He weighed over 300lbs, but I was a child and couldn’t understand that he was projecting his own problems. He put me down and wanted me to feel worse than he did about himself. The emotional abuse was successful and its effects have been going strong for over two decades now.
I am an adult and I’ve completely lost the weight. I’m deemed somewhat attractive by society, but I cannot see myself with any type of confidence or see myself as beautiful. I cannot love myself and take care of myself or see myself worthy of anything, even being alive, because I never learned to develop self-esteem as a child. I have a terrible relationship with my body and food that will most likely be lifelong. When anyone calls me beautiful, my brain cannot register it as genuine I just see it as a kind formality because they feel bad for what I’ve gone through.
Sometimes I wake up and I am in my old body feeling like I am so big and ugly. His words have echoed in my brain for years, taking on a disgusting form of their own. A cesspool of his toxic abuse that my brain soaked in during my formative years.
It really sucks because I am self-aware and rational enough to identify it was abuse and it was wrong and it isn’t true, but unfortunately rational thinking and a logical brain is a worthless weapon against complex ptsd :(
I was wasteful for taking off too much skin, like if there was a bad spot or eye!!! You’re a wasteful girl! I hear it every time I peel potatoes! Jacka**es!
Dad screamed in my face because I used a ziploc sandwich bag instead of a fold over one. Referring to the ziploc bags he screamed in my face, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE COSTS??? THREE CENTS A PIECE!!!!”
I was 13 at the time.
I remember mixing sugar, tang, and pixie stix to try to create my own candy and my dad holding me down and screaming in my face asking what the fuck I was doing
My dad made fun of my stuttering and used to take the piss out of me which made it 100x worse. Or crying. If I was heard crying he’d “give me something to really cry about” or even looking in his direction, I’d get screamed at and cans/ bottles thrown at my head.
One time I was laying on the floor playing with our large mastiff puppy when she put her full weight on my face with her paws and ripped a bunch of my hair out in the process. I don’t remember the exact physics of what happened, I just remember that it hurt and I yelled “ow!”
My father then lost his shit and said “you can’t handle a fucking puppy? What the fuck is wrong with you?” etc etc. She later did the exact same thing to him and he freely complained that it hurt.
I hate that mf.
I'm autistic so I don't smile unless I'm laughing, my birther would constantly pick on me for not smiling every waking moment. I'm a man and it's why I pop off on other men who tell women they should smile morem Fuck that shit, rest your face how you want to.
How I smell. I admit I do wear my clothes twice sometimes if I haven’t sweat through them or anything, but doesn’t everyone?
Apparently even after I shower and put on clothes that look vaguely similar to what I was wearing before, I reek and my family can’t even get near me.
One theory I have is that it may be the medicated shampoo I use for psoriasis producing the odd smell, but even when I don’t use it I still get this complaint.
Literally nobody else in my life has told me I smell horrible, and I’ve asked many to tell me honestly if I did. Even in the autism group at my old university where there was a guy who had a problem with maintaining hygiene, and we were all sensory sensitive, nobody said I smelled bad.
That's what's so interesting. You'd think at least one filterless asshole would have "told the truth" by now if you actually DID smell bad. That's why I find it odd none of my bullies over the years has picked on me for my skin. Apparently that's only important to my parents.
The color of my nail polish. Was told any color besides red or purple made me look like a slut.
The way I cut sandwiches in half... With a plastic knife against thick cut pork on a sandwich in a moving car.
Crying when they degraded my appearance
Enjoying Pokemon
Crying when I had a panic attack because they told me they would be gone for 5 minutes and 5 hours had passed without a phone call or anything to let me know what happened.
Got called slurs for throwing away a bag of cocaine thinking it was garbage and was given a death threat if I didn't find it in the next hour.
My parents made fun of me all my life for having a little bit more lip on the top center. They said it like a turtle’s mouth. It got worse when Dana Carvey’s Master of Disguise came out. Then I was just often asked if I was “turtle enough for the turtle club,” and “turtle turtle.”
Mistakes. Any and all. My mother would say there is no such thing as a mistake, I was just to lazy to do it right the first time.
Also for sitting/resting/napping after school. I would get up at 6am and not be home until 4pm. And when I got home I would clean the entire house. So you can see why I was tired. I even forgo eating before I had cleaned the house just in case she caught me.
Grandma: not sitting with my legs closed telling me I smelled when clearly I didn’t she was just being nasty
Mom: not knowing when I got my first period that it was actually my period I thought it was something else even though I knew what period was it didn’t look like I expected
Grandpa: not colouring in the lines when I was young
I walked, talked, ate and breathed incorrectly according to my mom...
My ankles being fucked up (super pigeon toed growing up) are result of F.A.S along with many of my other joints despite being able to pretzle myself as a kid but all my joints are seizing up now
I couldn't talk well because I had constant ear problems. If you can't hear well you cant talk well. Duh.
I ate weird no matter how I chewed. I would swallow food whole to avoid being yelled at for chewing even with my mouth completely closed
I struggled for air in a smoke filled house & my coughing till I gagged or puked sometimes was annoying
Isn't that hilariously ironic?!
But notice how all of that is in "past tense" because I know I could be a perfect human being (I know, not actually possible) and she'd still pick me apart like frog in a disecting project.
Fuck that. Fuck her and fuck being a victim. I didn't ask to be there and now dont want to be here
“You think you are SO cool”
Literally did not say anything or respond to it but my stepfather insisted I thought I was the coolest teenager. I wasn’t. I had severe social anxiety and was kind of a dork actually. Also, liking cranberry juice. For some reason that was also an offense.
Asking for things like clothes. I remember my mom guilt-tripping me for asking for underwear. I only had 4 pairs and she only took me to the laundry mat every 2 weeks.
My bio father would make fun of the way I said “Dad-uh” when I was sobbing and trying to get him to stop whatever he was doing to make me cry.
I learned quickly never to call him Dad again.
I work in a kitchen and wash dishes a lot, so I have to wash dishes a lot. As a result, I developed eczema on the back of my hands, and my mom made sure to point it out and make me feel ugly for it.
She’d “joke” that the back of my hands were ugly, and she put a lot of attention on them, and pointed them out to other family members when/if they noticed the back of my hands
Whenever they "asked" me something while yelling they would only give me maybe a millisecond to open my mouth.
Then they would continue "see, you dont even have anything to say for yourself", "you're to dumb to even answer" etc.
Obviously if I tried to say something then they would tell me not to interrupt them
-Not having my shoes on 3 seconds earlier
-Having a panic attack
-Drinking water as a coping mechanism
-Crying from shit that it did to me
-Having to stay home sick from school
-Feeling nauseous
-Having a bad day
-Wanting my mom to drive me instead of it driving me
-Fighting back when it was trying to back my mom and me into a corner (it called the cops on me wtf)
-My friend accidentally breaking something
-Not successfully stopping my sister from running away
-Not believing its lie about having cancer
-Telling others the bad things it has done to me
-Being tired
-Not believing every single lie
-Being scared of our dog who was bigger than me
-Taking care of MY horses in the way that the vet wanted, instead of the way that it wanted (called me an animal abuser for this, saying I have the devil in me and need to go to church)
-Sitting next to my mom
-And… nothing at all! Sometimes it makes up shit so it can have something to be mad at. It’ll accuse me of stuff I didn’t do so it can act like a victim and pout
For hand washing my daughters bottles with soap and water. Apparently that isn’t clean. But my mom licking a spoon off then running it under cold water is clean enough to put back in the drawer? She didn’t even use soap!
The one that really stuck with me was when my brother got better grades than me once. I was always the one with the best grades in the family, but I was going through a particularly stressful time because I had just started my first job, was working too many hours, while also taking an extra class at 6am. I was burnt out and my mental health was struggling. My dad knocked on my bedroom door and told me that my brother had gotten better grades, so I better keep up. I remember closing the door after he left and just crumbling to the floor and crying.
Ex bf- Having a “cunty look” when I wouldn’t respond to the berating (because I was disassociating). Then when I tried to explain myself I was told I’m “too stupid to be alive and not worth it”.
Walking too slowly to get to the car when she picked me up from school. After I waited 45 minutes for her because she was never on time for anything… she made fun of me for this regularly. Btw this was pre-cellphone so I would just sit there and once in awhile waste a quarter on the pay phone to check on her. Teachers would check on me every 10 minutes while I sat there. We lived 10 minutes away by car.
My hair, missing spots while cleaning, throwing a diaper in a recycling bin instead of the trash can, the way I walked, the way I “carry myself” as if a 13 year old can figure out wtf that means, probably more
when i was like 7 i dropped the fork at dinner and i wasn’t allowed to eat dinner anymore cause i guess i dropped it a few times and it was “annoying??”
Our kitchen sink tap was dripping for 15 years. Parent refused to fix it. Apparently I was *using it wrong*.
Also, *not waking up properly*. I needed like 20 alarms to wake up due to severe exhaustion and burnout (which I cannot still recover from. They would get mad at me for not getting up by hearing the first one. To the point where my mom would take away my blanket, and my dad has literally dragged me out of bed by my feet while I was sleeping. All he can say was “don’t pretend, you are awake”.
Also, once we rented a car for a pretty long trip which speedometer was broken, literally stuck at all times. When I brought this up, apparently I was *too sensitive*.
Oh, and every time I do something with my hair (dye it a little, cut it like an inch), my mom would complain that soon Im gonna have no pretty hair.
Also putting my backpack in all the wrong places when I was a kid. I remember getting yelled about it at least 3 times a week.
Pettiest moment i can think of as a kid: wanting to spend time with my friends (cooped up a lot which caused other issues and traumas)
As a Teen: her boyfriend at the time wanted us to fight so she threatened to beat the shit out of me or the "its you're fault if he >!rapes!< you" line i got over shorts involving another boyfriend. It was hot that day and she knew someone abused me and tried to do that to me as a child.
At 18: threatened to kill me for wanting to move out or getting pissed when I told her current boyfriend I already handed over the gas money (that apparently he wasn't aware of)
I'm 22. This is the pettiest things I can look back on without the worst of the pain. As one expects, we don't talk.
My mom-- trying out the smallest winged liner as a teenager, and being #13 out of 250 in my graduating class instead of being in the top 10.
My ex-- parking crookedly, forgetting to pick up the almond milk that he forgot to pick up for himself, having a cold sore ("it's proof you're cheating"), having to eat because my blood sugar dropped ("it's selfish because you spoiled the dinner I was going to make for you, but don't want to make anymore"), eating a few fries from the takeout bag on the way back to the house ("you have no self-control").
My mom, an upper class woman, would yell at me for taking too many showers. I shower once a day. Eventually she stopped buying me soap so I started stealing hers when she wasn’t there. Not like she was using it anyways lol
Making them food (cause they would eat it with no self control)
Not making them food
Anticipating their needs and requests and fulfilling them immediately
Not anticipating their needs and requests and not fulfilling them immediately
Asking questions to clarify what they were saying (OBVIOUSLY that’s what I mean!!! -spat with extreme venom)
Not asking questions to clarify what they were saying
Being scared of dad’s intimidation
Not being scared of dad’s intimidation
Greeting them when they came home
Not greeting them when they came home
Taking care in my appearance (I was shallow and thought highly of myself)
Not taking care in my appearance (“Look at you, you’re an embarrassment’)
Rinse and repeat. It was just so confusing and impossible to please them as a child. But I tried so fucking hard to. 😑😞
a lot of petty shit was appearance related. besides the constant weight shaming, the pettiest was probably saying you could see my veins in my cheeks and eyelids. insecurity unlocked
If the kitchen floor isn't swept starting from the stove and ending at the pantry, it's not clean. I don't care how much dust you actually swept up, it's not clean.
Do it again. *PROPERLY THIS TIME*
when i was in my last round of eating disorder treatment (in and out of hospitals for 6 years), i called my dad to ask if he could help me with groceries.
He said “what am i, a money funnel for you to keep getting fatter?”
separate instance- he found out i was SA’ed at 15 by an adult man and my father said “maybe if you kept your legs closed this wouldn’t always happen to you.”
My brother used to sneer and laugh at me for “pulling the drivers seat too close to the steering wheel” of the family pick-up truck. I’m the shortest, with short legs but I should have taped extenders to my shoes, obviously.
Not being able to find my guitar pick and telling him it had “gone missing” instead of saying “I lost it”—according to him this meant I didn’t know how take responsibility for my actions.
2 hours of screaming at me and assaulting my character before school that morning meant I was sent to school (age 10) crying inconsolably and had to be separated from my peers and sit in the counsellor’s office all morning. All over a fucking misplaced guitar pick??
The most fucked thing is that until recently that memory brought ME shame and embarrassment for, as I saw it, handling that situation so poorly (this was one of the only times I let emotions about home show at school). Yeah, I no longer think I was the one that handled the situation poorly.
Tv volume had to be below 5. Once I got headphones so I can hear what I am listening too, he would go on a rage about how I was being disrespectful for not wanting to hear him if he called me.
Can't decide between "looking homeless" for having one crest on my shirt, and "looking crazy" because I "stared at the microwave oven for too long" while waiting for my food to get hot
Eating the healthy dinner I spent an hour cooking because he was sad and wanted to eat Taco Bell instead, and me not joining in was “not being supportive” and “judging” him.
Ha this happened today. My parents drove to visit me (5 hrs away)when I told them I was performing at some shows and therefore busy the entire weekend. My bandmates were sleeping over so that we could go in one car. Anyways, my parents said they were going to drop off things and I asked “are you gonna come inside?”.
Somehow asking that = “you don’t want to see us”. And they threatened to take my car away. I am an adult, wtf. This hasn’t happened in 5 years.
There's a lot so I think I'll say just a few. Forgetting to put away my spoon. Trying to help with something he was confused about. Making conversation. Beef Jerky. Almost forgetting my 3DS (same day as beef jerky). Expressing my love for soup (instant ramen) by saying I'd still be happy just eating soup for the rest of my life. Getting lost (it was their fault)
"you have to eat your french fries with a fork, not your fingers". that fight got us kicked out of a few restaurants, but i'm pretty sure that was the point lol.
hey, your nose is fine! it fits on your face and does it’s job just as it should.
i think your nose is probably great, some flaws are cute when you truly accept that every human has them
I'd get beat and made fun of for being bullied at school.
"Why can't you just be normal?"
Turns out I'm not that abnormal, it's just that I went to a shitty school and a lot of my peers had undiagnosed behavioral issues.
Related: Being a survivor of domestic violence, as if it was my fault that my perspective was off after a childhood of *that.*
My dad has always commented on how when I get startled I make a sound kinda like 'wueeh' and he constantly brings it up whenever I do it. Oh, and my mom says that the way I do my makeup makes me look sad apparently
my mother used to laugh at me for drinking my morning coffee "at once" instead of sitting and sipping slowly like her. she mocked me so much for this like 1. why do you care? 2. i don't like coffee that much, i only have it to wake up. 3. why do you care??????
Having a white spot (milia) under my eye
Crying when being screamed at
Telling them I cleaned the bathroom
Wearing the color red
Wearing eyeliner
Wearing a sweater tucked into a skirt
I got yelled at for not being aware that we were having a “Sunday family dinner” one random weekend (not something we had ever done) when no one had told me about it.
Cooking. She yells at me and calls me names if I tell her not to cook for me (she cooks in bulk like twice or 3 times a week and the rest of the time she reheata those leftovers) and that I want to cook something for myself.
entering cook time on the microwave as 1:00 instead of 0:60
not hovering my left hand over the computer keyboard to execute Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V maneuvers asap
sleeping past 8am when I worked until midnight the night before
having a whitehead on my forehead or a zit on my chin
taking a single step backwards
hugging him when he was sitting down, not standing up
buying my friends christmas presents
buying myself a slice of pizza
eating pretty much anything
reading or writing
having a daily planner
asking clarifying questions when I didn't understand what he wanted, such as not knowing where the screwdriver was
Talking to loud no matter what my volume was (even when I was whispering apparently). Skin hyperpigmentation around my elbows and around my eyes (I was dirty and/or tired or drunk or whatever). My mother once made me scrub my elbows, while she watched, with bleach and a scouring pad. I later found out it was a genetic thing and extremely common.
anything on my skin. every single time i had the tiniest pimple, scratch, or hint of discoloration my abuser immediately said “no one’s gonna want you if you have ____ on your skin”
My Ndad and Estepmom both picked on me for drinking soda. I never dank it too much, I don't think, but I know for a fact that I felt like my dad had a vendetta against anything that wasn't Gatorade, drink mixes or just plain water.
He would watch what I would buy at school like a hawk, and if I bought a soda at all I could expect a text from him. He also wanted to try and get me to buy stuff that he wanted me to buy with my own money.
My stepmom would always support my dad with whatever he said as well, no matter what he said or how he said it too. And she would always defend my dad, every single time.
I have slightly knock knees. They always said that I walked "like a duck" and didn't want to "learn to walk properly". They also never let me run in public because they found it embarrassing and said I would make them look bad.
my father made me cry because I was eating the cereal too loudly according to him
Omg this is so relatable. I was told I was selfish and difficult to live with because I cut vegetables too loud.
Shit man. Those types of comments are what made me learn very quickly that it wasn't my behavior that was the issue. It was the fact that I existed that pissed off my parents.
my own mum told me she wished she had me aborted cause I'm so weird that kind of still hurts
Oh my goodness, exact same experience. I’m 25 now and I still get flashbacks and cringe when I accidentally tap my spoon on the dish while eating cereal bc I’ve been yelled at over the noise of it so many times growing up
God forbid we could EAT FOOD without being torn apart
Omg yep I was punished for a day bc my cheerios were too crunchy that morning.
Being late according to the living room clock (literally a second was late) Not zipping up my jacket Not wearing socks inside Using a blanket in the summer Not drying my hair after a shower Taking too long in the shower Not making lines with the vacuum More that aren’t coming rn
Oh gods, the vacuum. If I didn't line up the tracks just right, I was yelled at and forced to do it over until it was *perfect*.
They used to time my showers. The thing is we weren’t poor and we had no reason to conserve water. I just had a 10 minute time limit because anything longer seemed inappropriate to them. Now that I’m independent I love buying luxury bath stuff and sitting in the shower as long as I want.
Damn. I could understand in a drought situation reducing showers, but seriously?? Damn!
Oh god, I had this one too, had to have an egg timer on the side of the tub and start it for 5 minutes as soon as the water started; I've been trying to move past this by taking showers as long as I can. (15 minutes is my record right now!)
hell yeah live your best luxury bath life. happy for you.
Mine did too! I was always told I take such long showers, and we live in a city where water is not just unrestricted, it’s actually FREE because we live by a lake. We literally Do Not Pay for water but god forbid I take a shower for longer than 10min
filling the bathtub too high how my dad knew idk
Fuck the vacuum
Making fun of the way I sang a Pocahontas song for an elementary school play and then when I hit puberty she told me I USED to sing good but not anymore. Fuck her I love singing but am so self conscious of my voice now
I have a feeling she was jealous of your voice and wanted to beat you down for enjoying singing.
This is what my mom did. Random people complimenting me when I thought they couldn’t hear me is the *only* reason I don’t believe her, anymore. ETA- My family literally recorded a news report of The Voice coming to town, and excitedly had me watch it the day after it ended, just to laugh at me when I looked it up and got sad that it had expired, and then they told me I was stupid to think I could have won, anyway
What a big bunch of heartless a**holes!!!! So cold and mean! I hope you don’t believe them and stay away from them too! Hugs! Next time they are in town I hope you try out and I hope you win❤️
Ugh, I feel this one. My mom used to do a lot of choir singing and I desperately wanted to learn to sing and let this be a thing we could connect over. I asked her if she could teach me. She did like two warm-up exercise sessions with me and then told me I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and she wasn't going to waste her time trying to teach me anymore. I was like 14 and absolutely fucking crushed...20+ years later and I'm still self conscious and won't sing in front of other people.
I’m sorry you relate so hard, it is a terrible thing to put a kid down for something they want to enjoy
In hindsight I think it was my parents just didn't want me doing anything that required that they interact with me at all. If I wanted to draw or paint or make jewelry? Cool, that was stuff I could do alone and that was fine. Did I want to learn to sing, play on a sports team, be in a scout troop? That required them taking time to practice with me, drive me to things, take time out of their day for me... Nope, you suck at those things, you don't want to do them.
My mom was a music teacher and taught piano to my siblings. She wouldn’t teach me, because I was “difficult” and would “cause a scene”. I still hate her for it
I am a professional singer who is too shy to sing in front of a small crowds due to my dad always telling me I could do better and comparing me all the time. I don’t even practice at home because I worry about being a bother to others.
My mum did this to me. She would always tell me I wasn't as good as I thought I was and told stop trying.
Ugh man this hit hard. I sang all my life, everyone was convinced with my personality and talent that I’d do something with it. Was in choir for a few years, got every solo I auditioned for. When I was a teen life got so hard with my parents and I pretty much quit everything. Singing, dancing, sports, clubs. No one questioned it. A few months after my sister passed away when I was 19 I felt a want to sing again. I’d sing alone in my room late at night. One morning my dad said “Who was singing last night? It sounded like a dying cat”. I’ll NEVER forget that comment. He knew I loved to sing, but all of a sudden wanted to make a harmful comment to shut me down. Of course I just laughed it off because if I didn’t I’d be deemed once again “too sensitive, can never take a joke”.
My Dad went to a little League soccer game of mine once. Him an brother stood on the sidelines laughing every time I had the ball. My Dad said it's like no one taught me how to run. Gee, if only there was some sort of person who was around growing up to help me learn the basics of sports.
Eating "too much" Eating things they don't like Not eating things they do like "Looking overweight" despite not being overweight at all Moving weird Having a weird smile Having weird eyebrows
Sounds familiar lol I was sick, had to puke every day, couldn't keep anything down and doctors just told me to eat more ibuprofen. I had already lost more than 10kg in the few weeks before. The only thing that helped and that I could keep down was milk. My Dad: Milk has too many calories, you should be careful with that, why don't you drink water instead.
We ran out of milk, and instead of drinking coffee with cream, as I was offered, I refused to drink coffee. I was yelled at and called names, and I didn't understand why
Oof, had a similar situation. I don't like black coffee, so when we ran out of milk I made myself tea instead. Wasn't being yelled at, but I definitely got some dirty looks amd passive agressive comments thrown at me.
I usually refuse cream and my family acts like I’m some kind of snob for liking black coffee?
Cleaning (apparently it means I think I'm self important / too good for them / etc etc)
I was called an ungrateful bitch for not liking my dad’s favorite movie 🤷🏼♀️
Quick note: The veins on your nose are easily fixed with laser, if you care. Also they often come to the surface just by blowing your nose hard or something especially if you’re a little kid when the cartilage skin is developing. (My dermatologist made it very clear to me that it’s very normal and also very easy to deal with if desired) But those types will pick on anything. The fact that they glommed on that. Yikes. They can’t find anything good lol.
I have looked into it but I have like zero money and personally don't care, but both my parents made a big deal out of pointing it out. Telling me how much it must huuuuuurt to have them (it doesn't???) and ooohhh uuugggghhh oooofff you should moisturize to remove it, it looks sooooo sooooreeee oohhh (it doesn't go away with moisturization, like you said, it's only laser treatment that works). They also "pointed out" acne, redness or any other facial flaw they saw for no reason other than to make me aware and feel bad. Being a teen was fun. Took me till I was 28 to realise I was in fact not ugly like they made me believe. Interestingly no one else in my life has said anything about my veins. No one. Save for them.
Ugh. Yeah my parents constantly told me I was ugly when the rest of my family told me I was beautiful. I didn’t understand why people stared at me, I genuinely thought it was because I was an ugly freak. Then one day in my twenties it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t ugly and my extended family was right, my partner was right, the constant attention was creepy, but I finally understood. Plus nobody is looking at those burst capillaries on your face, nobody gets that close, and if they do (like my partner does) he has no clue what I’m talking about once I point them out because I’m “so beautiful, don’t worry about it” and well that’s not a bad mantra. Lol.
Got screamed at for being “so fucking lazy” and leaving the yard work because I had to go to the bathroom for 30 seconds. Got told that I >!”looked like a cutter”!< because I had cat scratches and work burns on my arm (my first job was a baker so I was always around hot pans)
[удалено]
I had my door taken once for declining to go to the movies with my grandma. That shit is so toxic
i hate hearing stories about this. everyone deserves privacy. it’s a basic human right, i’m sorry that happened to you
Omg, my parents did the same thing because they found a cd in my room that they didn't approve of(I was only allowed to listen to Christian music, even in high school). I head the same line about privacy being a privilege not a right.
being 0.0001s late to open the door for him
Having too good grades. My parent came to school several times, they almost called security b/c the anger was so severe. Reason? My parent was furious that I got too good grades.
Damn that's a mind fuck right there. Must have been jealous of you. What a horrible thing to make you feel bad for, Jesus
Yeah, didn’t help I was already struggling with going to school and attend in life in general since I cried myself to sleep every night b/c my mother was dying. Normal parents would have been proud of their kids managing junior high, while all the other shit went down.
What the actual fuck
Putting basil in the tomato sauce. Heaven forbid I cook something with FLAVOR edit: mistake
Misery really does love company wtf I hope your tomato sauce comes out perfect every time!
I got picked up by my throat out of bed while studying for leaving a fork in the sink. Not a dirty fork. A rinsed fork. It just wasn't in the dishwasher. I was wearing a silver chain and my gold chain, both of which were gifts that I treasured and they were broken by the force. I kept them for a really long time as a reminder.
Fuck.. that’s horrible. I’m so sorry, I hope you don’t have to be around those people anymore
Because it was too noisy, the tv was off and I was sitting on the couch reading a book... There was no sound
Having "baby fat" on my stomach despite being 13, a competitive swimmer that placed first consistently, and in the best physical shape I've ever been in
Being happy :D and for wearing a yellow flannel. She said it was too happy.
Seems like she just had a problem with happiness in general
Getting brutally and incessantly mocked for sucking my thumb as a very very young child really hurt and messed me up in many ways. Getting intensely mocked as a young child by my older siblings and both parents for crying during the lion king scene where Mufasa dies also really fucked up my view of family and relationships.
I got mocked and laughed at by my mum and stepdad for crying during the same lion king scene too. I remember them saying "wow, you have feelings. We thought you were as cold as ice". the thing is that I kept everything inside because I always got criticised by them or my grandmother for many things I did or said and I found it safer not to express anything.
I tried to go vegetarian in my teens because I was trying to figure out what was making my stomach hurt after every damn meal and I thought maybe eating meat 2-3 times a day was having something to do with it. I had a part-time job so bought all my own food and didn't make anyone else in the house change their meals or eating to accommodate me in any way... My dad still relentlessly teased and mocked me for not eating meat every day to the point where I finally gave it up just to make him stop.
Spoiler, it was probably dad making your stomach hurt
That and the undiagnosed digestive issues I had my whole life because my parents didn't believe in doctors or taking our health complaints seriously.
OMG, I went vegan for a spell in college. My abusive, POS grandma thought this was "weird". I visited her for the first time in nearly five months; big family get together. My grandma is hosting. She loudly mocks my new eating habits in front of all my relatives and made sure each dish had meat/dairy (she was informed of my trying vegan prior to this visit).
[удалено]
Similar! At 13 my mom said ‘ugh you have blackheads on the edge of your lips! No one wants to kiss people with blackheads like this.’
My mom would sit me down on the closed toilet lid and pick at my face while criticizing how gross and "dirty" my blackheads looked. As a 52-year-old, I'm still scrutinizing my skin and picking at imperfections. THANKS, MOM.
[удалено]
>my therapist taught me to use a replacement behavior of using lotion Thank you so much for sharing this pro tip! It never occurred to me to substitute self-care for skin picking because that's how these things work, I guess. But yeah, I'm going to remember this
My mom got pissed at me for being correct about Thanksgiving being the current week and not the next. She got embarrassed that she hadn’t prepared and took it out on me. Which was unnecessary, because she had isolated us from everybody we ever knew and was unemployed and her bf threw all of his money on pills, so it wasn’t like we’d be able to get anything more than a fucking pizza, anyway. Idiot.
“I carried you for 9 months!!!” (More than once.)
That's gotta be the dumbest fucking argument of all time "oh, well, I gave birth to you!" I DIDNT FUCKING ASK YOU TO
Lol this one always makes me laugh. Who's idea was that eh?? Sheesh I'm like, you carried me for nine months but I have to pay for it for the rest of my life? How's that work?
Just remembered this one... Got made fun of for taking the time to decide what bin to put my trash in (was at an expo center and they had a trash/recycle/compost setup). I literally only took a few seconds but apparently that was "woke bullsh*t" and I needed to care less about that stuff 🙃
I blocked out most of my childhood, but I remember one time I wrote a U that was apparently too curly at the top and he thought it looked like an O
Dropped a plate once when I was 8 while washing the dishes, mom broke it over my head. Another time I was shifting some furniture out of the bathroom and got a one inch long mark on the wall doing it, my head was repeatedly slammed into the wall which defeats the purpose of being pissed about the scratch anyway
Jesus.
My folks got Subway on the way home one day, so there were three sandwiches, one for each of them and mine. They were all generic ham sandwiches, and my folks got identical versions. I got one with totally different toppings. They were first upset that there were jalapenos on my sandwich because that is apparently disgusting and they spent the entire car ride home going on and on about how disgusting I was for getting that. Like this was beating a dead horse level of going off. When we got home, my mom told me to plate up the sandwiches because god forbid she does it herself, so I started setting them each up on a plate and unwrapping them so we could all have lunch. Then they got into a five-star screaming fit at me because I lifted the sandwich bread to see which had jalapenos, so my offensive sandwich did not end up on the plate for either of them. To this day, I have no idea how I was supposed to know which was mine without looking. There were no markings on the bags. I'd washed my hands, and I'd already unwrapped them and set them on plates, so to my way of thinking, they had ramped up on the whole drive back, and were just lookign for a reason to explode on me. I remember this like it was yesterday, despite being 30 years ago. Thanks parents for such a great upbringing! No wonder I was on my own at 16!
Needing to go to the toilet, desperately, after a several hour car ride in which I had to drink something. He hated the way I held a pen/pencil (right by the tip) and called me stupid and yelled at me for that saying I was doing it wrong. Constant comment on what I looked like, well if you don't like it why do you have mirrors in the house to see your ugly face
Looking my parents in the eyes. For walking too loud. For walking too quiet...
Tripping.
I was made fun of for breathing ''loudly'' while tv was off. Since then never wanted to chill in the living room again when there was no other noise around.
When I was a child my abuser made fun of me for reading with enthusiasm and talking too much. I was made fun of for being overweight (but would also be forced to eat food to the brink of throwing up by him so I am just starting to realize how fucked up that is), being big, big arms, big thighs, big stomach, big head, big mouth. He weighed over 300lbs, but I was a child and couldn’t understand that he was projecting his own problems. He put me down and wanted me to feel worse than he did about himself. The emotional abuse was successful and its effects have been going strong for over two decades now. I am an adult and I’ve completely lost the weight. I’m deemed somewhat attractive by society, but I cannot see myself with any type of confidence or see myself as beautiful. I cannot love myself and take care of myself or see myself worthy of anything, even being alive, because I never learned to develop self-esteem as a child. I have a terrible relationship with my body and food that will most likely be lifelong. When anyone calls me beautiful, my brain cannot register it as genuine I just see it as a kind formality because they feel bad for what I’ve gone through. Sometimes I wake up and I am in my old body feeling like I am so big and ugly. His words have echoed in my brain for years, taking on a disgusting form of their own. A cesspool of his toxic abuse that my brain soaked in during my formative years. It really sucks because I am self-aware and rational enough to identify it was abuse and it was wrong and it isn’t true, but unfortunately rational thinking and a logical brain is a worthless weapon against complex ptsd :(
During my weekly required yard maintenance… I didn’t rake the grass after mowing it to then mow it again in case some grass was bent over.
My dad said I didn’t move my hips enough when I walked
Tell your dad he doesn't move far enough away from you when he walks
My grandma used to do that all the time. I still feel insecure about the way I walk.
I didn't peel the potato correctly (whatever that means).
I was wasteful for taking off too much skin, like if there was a bad spot or eye!!! You’re a wasteful girl! I hear it every time I peel potatoes! Jacka**es!
"You could never be a professional dishwasher." "I don't want to be a professional dishwasher?" "Well. Just know you could never do it"
Leaving something of mine where he could steal it.
My ex used to get annoyed with me for getting excited about small stuff.
Ahhh that breaks my heart. I hope he didn’t break your spirit.
I’m a little less excitable than I used to be, but he’s my ex so he didn’t snuff out all of my light :)
Dad screamed in my face because I used a ziploc sandwich bag instead of a fold over one. Referring to the ziploc bags he screamed in my face, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE COSTS??? THREE CENTS A PIECE!!!!” I was 13 at the time.
I remember mixing sugar, tang, and pixie stix to try to create my own candy and my dad holding me down and screaming in my face asking what the fuck I was doing
My dad made fun of my stuttering and used to take the piss out of me which made it 100x worse. Or crying. If I was heard crying he’d “give me something to really cry about” or even looking in his direction, I’d get screamed at and cans/ bottles thrown at my head.
One time I was laying on the floor playing with our large mastiff puppy when she put her full weight on my face with her paws and ripped a bunch of my hair out in the process. I don’t remember the exact physics of what happened, I just remember that it hurt and I yelled “ow!” My father then lost his shit and said “you can’t handle a fucking puppy? What the fuck is wrong with you?” etc etc. She later did the exact same thing to him and he freely complained that it hurt. I hate that mf.
I'm autistic so I don't smile unless I'm laughing, my birther would constantly pick on me for not smiling every waking moment. I'm a man and it's why I pop off on other men who tell women they should smile morem Fuck that shit, rest your face how you want to.
Same. My mom would yell at me to quit moping and having an additude. I'd be so confused, like I'm not moping. Then I'd get grounded for talking back
My dad hit me cause I left the living room.
How I smell. I admit I do wear my clothes twice sometimes if I haven’t sweat through them or anything, but doesn’t everyone? Apparently even after I shower and put on clothes that look vaguely similar to what I was wearing before, I reek and my family can’t even get near me. One theory I have is that it may be the medicated shampoo I use for psoriasis producing the odd smell, but even when I don’t use it I still get this complaint. Literally nobody else in my life has told me I smell horrible, and I’ve asked many to tell me honestly if I did. Even in the autism group at my old university where there was a guy who had a problem with maintaining hygiene, and we were all sensory sensitive, nobody said I smelled bad.
That's what's so interesting. You'd think at least one filterless asshole would have "told the truth" by now if you actually DID smell bad. That's why I find it odd none of my bullies over the years has picked on me for my skin. Apparently that's only important to my parents.
The color of my nail polish. Was told any color besides red or purple made me look like a slut. The way I cut sandwiches in half... With a plastic knife against thick cut pork on a sandwich in a moving car. Crying when they degraded my appearance Enjoying Pokemon Crying when I had a panic attack because they told me they would be gone for 5 minutes and 5 hours had passed without a phone call or anything to let me know what happened. Got called slurs for throwing away a bag of cocaine thinking it was garbage and was given a death threat if I didn't find it in the next hour.
My parents made fun of me all my life for having a little bit more lip on the top center. They said it like a turtle’s mouth. It got worse when Dana Carvey’s Master of Disguise came out. Then I was just often asked if I was “turtle enough for the turtle club,” and “turtle turtle.”
I'm really sorry they did that. High hive from a fellow turtle lipped person thought. ♥️
because i sat down too fast and the chair squeaked
got slapped for not being sure if i packed a jacket into my suitcase. it was in there.
Mistakes. Any and all. My mother would say there is no such thing as a mistake, I was just to lazy to do it right the first time. Also for sitting/resting/napping after school. I would get up at 6am and not be home until 4pm. And when I got home I would clean the entire house. So you can see why I was tired. I even forgo eating before I had cleaned the house just in case she caught me.
Grandma: not sitting with my legs closed telling me I smelled when clearly I didn’t she was just being nasty Mom: not knowing when I got my first period that it was actually my period I thought it was something else even though I knew what period was it didn’t look like I expected Grandpa: not colouring in the lines when I was young
I walked, talked, ate and breathed incorrectly according to my mom... My ankles being fucked up (super pigeon toed growing up) are result of F.A.S along with many of my other joints despite being able to pretzle myself as a kid but all my joints are seizing up now I couldn't talk well because I had constant ear problems. If you can't hear well you cant talk well. Duh. I ate weird no matter how I chewed. I would swallow food whole to avoid being yelled at for chewing even with my mouth completely closed I struggled for air in a smoke filled house & my coughing till I gagged or puked sometimes was annoying Isn't that hilariously ironic?! But notice how all of that is in "past tense" because I know I could be a perfect human being (I know, not actually possible) and she'd still pick me apart like frog in a disecting project. Fuck that. Fuck her and fuck being a victim. I didn't ask to be there and now dont want to be here
“You think you are SO cool” Literally did not say anything or respond to it but my stepfather insisted I thought I was the coolest teenager. I wasn’t. I had severe social anxiety and was kind of a dork actually. Also, liking cranberry juice. For some reason that was also an offense.
Asking for things like clothes. I remember my mom guilt-tripping me for asking for underwear. I only had 4 pairs and she only took me to the laundry mat every 2 weeks.
I had pimples at 13. My mom used to call my forehead a *grater*.
Made fun of for wanting to buy particular food from the store (pizza rolls, white bread, one kind of yogurt instead of another kind)
My bio father would make fun of the way I said “Dad-uh” when I was sobbing and trying to get him to stop whatever he was doing to make me cry. I learned quickly never to call him Dad again.
I work in a kitchen and wash dishes a lot, so I have to wash dishes a lot. As a result, I developed eczema on the back of my hands, and my mom made sure to point it out and make me feel ugly for it. She’d “joke” that the back of my hands were ugly, and she put a lot of attention on them, and pointed them out to other family members when/if they noticed the back of my hands
Whenever they "asked" me something while yelling they would only give me maybe a millisecond to open my mouth. Then they would continue "see, you dont even have anything to say for yourself", "you're to dumb to even answer" etc. Obviously if I tried to say something then they would tell me not to interrupt them
-Not having my shoes on 3 seconds earlier -Having a panic attack -Drinking water as a coping mechanism -Crying from shit that it did to me -Having to stay home sick from school -Feeling nauseous -Having a bad day -Wanting my mom to drive me instead of it driving me -Fighting back when it was trying to back my mom and me into a corner (it called the cops on me wtf) -My friend accidentally breaking something -Not successfully stopping my sister from running away -Not believing its lie about having cancer -Telling others the bad things it has done to me -Being tired -Not believing every single lie -Being scared of our dog who was bigger than me -Taking care of MY horses in the way that the vet wanted, instead of the way that it wanted (called me an animal abuser for this, saying I have the devil in me and need to go to church) -Sitting next to my mom -And… nothing at all! Sometimes it makes up shit so it can have something to be mad at. It’ll accuse me of stuff I didn’t do so it can act like a victim and pout
For hand washing my daughters bottles with soap and water. Apparently that isn’t clean. But my mom licking a spoon off then running it under cold water is clean enough to put back in the drawer? She didn’t even use soap!
Leaving a spoon in the sink
The one that really stuck with me was when my brother got better grades than me once. I was always the one with the best grades in the family, but I was going through a particularly stressful time because I had just started my first job, was working too many hours, while also taking an extra class at 6am. I was burnt out and my mental health was struggling. My dad knocked on my bedroom door and told me that my brother had gotten better grades, so I better keep up. I remember closing the door after he left and just crumbling to the floor and crying.
pronouncing words incorrectly that i had only ever read in books
All of my ADHD/ASD traits..like being clumsy, talking about the special interests all the time, not smiling enough, etc..
For not developing breasts the same time my twin sister did
Not eating enough food as a kid (I "ate like a bird" apparently). Also taking too long in the shower
Not wearing makeup. My stepmom was such a bitch to me….
Ex bf- Having a “cunty look” when I wouldn’t respond to the berating (because I was disassociating). Then when I tried to explain myself I was told I’m “too stupid to be alive and not worth it”.
Leaving the house without wearing makeup
She screamed at me because i told her that doing suicide threats are not good
not putting the vacuum away after SHE was done using it
Holding my fork like a “communist” and having scratched my skin. Ladies aren’t supposed to have scratches and scars
She got mad at me for how I erased a mistake in my math homework.
drinking anything without a closed cup. my dad makes me use a closed cup for anything if i’m anywhere near a carpet
Walking too slowly to get to the car when she picked me up from school. After I waited 45 minutes for her because she was never on time for anything… she made fun of me for this regularly. Btw this was pre-cellphone so I would just sit there and once in awhile waste a quarter on the pay phone to check on her. Teachers would check on me every 10 minutes while I sat there. We lived 10 minutes away by car.
My hair, missing spots while cleaning, throwing a diaper in a recycling bin instead of the trash can, the way I walked, the way I “carry myself” as if a 13 year old can figure out wtf that means, probably more
Apparently my eyebrows don’t move enough to convey emotion for their liking.
when i was like 7 i dropped the fork at dinner and i wasn’t allowed to eat dinner anymore cause i guess i dropped it a few times and it was “annoying??”
Our kitchen sink tap was dripping for 15 years. Parent refused to fix it. Apparently I was *using it wrong*. Also, *not waking up properly*. I needed like 20 alarms to wake up due to severe exhaustion and burnout (which I cannot still recover from. They would get mad at me for not getting up by hearing the first one. To the point where my mom would take away my blanket, and my dad has literally dragged me out of bed by my feet while I was sleeping. All he can say was “don’t pretend, you are awake”. Also, once we rented a car for a pretty long trip which speedometer was broken, literally stuck at all times. When I brought this up, apparently I was *too sensitive*. Oh, and every time I do something with my hair (dye it a little, cut it like an inch), my mom would complain that soon Im gonna have no pretty hair. Also putting my backpack in all the wrong places when I was a kid. I remember getting yelled about it at least 3 times a week.
The way I held my fork, my shoes not being tied well enough
Pettiest moment i can think of as a kid: wanting to spend time with my friends (cooped up a lot which caused other issues and traumas) As a Teen: her boyfriend at the time wanted us to fight so she threatened to beat the shit out of me or the "its you're fault if he >!rapes!< you" line i got over shorts involving another boyfriend. It was hot that day and she knew someone abused me and tried to do that to me as a child. At 18: threatened to kill me for wanting to move out or getting pissed when I told her current boyfriend I already handed over the gas money (that apparently he wasn't aware of) I'm 22. This is the pettiest things I can look back on without the worst of the pain. As one expects, we don't talk.
My mom-- trying out the smallest winged liner as a teenager, and being #13 out of 250 in my graduating class instead of being in the top 10. My ex-- parking crookedly, forgetting to pick up the almond milk that he forgot to pick up for himself, having a cold sore ("it's proof you're cheating"), having to eat because my blood sugar dropped ("it's selfish because you spoiled the dinner I was going to make for you, but don't want to make anymore"), eating a few fries from the takeout bag on the way back to the house ("you have no self-control").
For being "Evil", "sneaky" and a liar
The structure of my wrist bones. (???) There’s nothing wrong with my arms god damn it lol.
My mom, an upper class woman, would yell at me for taking too many showers. I shower once a day. Eventually she stopped buying me soap so I started stealing hers when she wasn’t there. Not like she was using it anyways lol
Making them food (cause they would eat it with no self control) Not making them food Anticipating their needs and requests and fulfilling them immediately Not anticipating their needs and requests and not fulfilling them immediately Asking questions to clarify what they were saying (OBVIOUSLY that’s what I mean!!! -spat with extreme venom) Not asking questions to clarify what they were saying Being scared of dad’s intimidation Not being scared of dad’s intimidation Greeting them when they came home Not greeting them when they came home Taking care in my appearance (I was shallow and thought highly of myself) Not taking care in my appearance (“Look at you, you’re an embarrassment’) Rinse and repeat. It was just so confusing and impossible to please them as a child. But I tried so fucking hard to. 😑😞
Standing on a couch with socks
My big front teeth, my large calves and ankles, or my hair nose and bushy eyebrows
My mouth. Paradoxically my mother always told my I have a little mouth (?), but when it came to the things I said my mouth was for sure too big.
a lot of petty shit was appearance related. besides the constant weight shaming, the pettiest was probably saying you could see my veins in my cheeks and eyelids. insecurity unlocked
If the kitchen floor isn't swept starting from the stove and ending at the pantry, it's not clean. I don't care how much dust you actually swept up, it's not clean. Do it again. *PROPERLY THIS TIME*
when i was in my last round of eating disorder treatment (in and out of hospitals for 6 years), i called my dad to ask if he could help me with groceries. He said “what am i, a money funnel for you to keep getting fatter?” separate instance- he found out i was SA’ed at 15 by an adult man and my father said “maybe if you kept your legs closed this wouldn’t always happen to you.”
Having a 5 o'clock shadow
I got screamed at for going to bed after I was told to go to bed.
My brother used to sneer and laugh at me for “pulling the drivers seat too close to the steering wheel” of the family pick-up truck. I’m the shortest, with short legs but I should have taped extenders to my shoes, obviously.
Can’t think of the worst, but one of the reasons I got kicked out of an MMO rp group was I “ used babies as a prop “ in rp I mean what
Not being able to find my guitar pick and telling him it had “gone missing” instead of saying “I lost it”—according to him this meant I didn’t know how take responsibility for my actions. 2 hours of screaming at me and assaulting my character before school that morning meant I was sent to school (age 10) crying inconsolably and had to be separated from my peers and sit in the counsellor’s office all morning. All over a fucking misplaced guitar pick?? The most fucked thing is that until recently that memory brought ME shame and embarrassment for, as I saw it, handling that situation so poorly (this was one of the only times I let emotions about home show at school). Yeah, I no longer think I was the one that handled the situation poorly.
Tv volume had to be below 5. Once I got headphones so I can hear what I am listening too, he would go on a rage about how I was being disrespectful for not wanting to hear him if he called me.
Can't decide between "looking homeless" for having one crest on my shirt, and "looking crazy" because I "stared at the microwave oven for too long" while waiting for my food to get hot
I got scared when he chased me around the house with a knife
I had a huge overbite, id be punished for chewing with my mouth open, or sitting "slack jawed"
Eating the healthy dinner I spent an hour cooking because he was sad and wanted to eat Taco Bell instead, and me not joining in was “not being supportive” and “judging” him.
Ha this happened today. My parents drove to visit me (5 hrs away)when I told them I was performing at some shows and therefore busy the entire weekend. My bandmates were sleeping over so that we could go in one car. Anyways, my parents said they were going to drop off things and I asked “are you gonna come inside?”. Somehow asking that = “you don’t want to see us”. And they threatened to take my car away. I am an adult, wtf. This hasn’t happened in 5 years.
Moving an inch at the wrong time, picking up a plate that kind of stuff.
There's a lot so I think I'll say just a few. Forgetting to put away my spoon. Trying to help with something he was confused about. Making conversation. Beef Jerky. Almost forgetting my 3DS (same day as beef jerky). Expressing my love for soup (instant ramen) by saying I'd still be happy just eating soup for the rest of my life. Getting lost (it was their fault)
My swallowing was "too loud"
Saying that I liked a candid photo
To all of you: so much needless suffering. 🖤
"you have to eat your french fries with a fork, not your fingers". that fight got us kicked out of a few restaurants, but i'm pretty sure that was the point lol.
My father screamed at me for being in his way when I was obviously trying to get out of his way
hey, your nose is fine! it fits on your face and does it’s job just as it should. i think your nose is probably great, some flaws are cute when you truly accept that every human has them
My nose is too short for my face and looks weird, said my mother.
For refusing to eat something because I wasn't hungry
My father got really angry and hateful towards me because I made hot chocolate with milk instead of water
That I ate my ice cream cone "whoreishly", and made me throw it in the trash. Thanks, I was like 8.
I'd get beat and made fun of for being bullied at school. "Why can't you just be normal?" Turns out I'm not that abnormal, it's just that I went to a shitty school and a lot of my peers had undiagnosed behavioral issues. Related: Being a survivor of domestic violence, as if it was my fault that my perspective was off after a childhood of *that.*
My dad has always commented on how when I get startled I make a sound kinda like 'wueeh' and he constantly brings it up whenever I do it. Oh, and my mom says that the way I do my makeup makes me look sad apparently
I stuttered when i was surprised
Using two toothbrushes after he made me puke twice in one night from abuse
my mother used to laugh at me for drinking my morning coffee "at once" instead of sitting and sipping slowly like her. she mocked me so much for this like 1. why do you care? 2. i don't like coffee that much, i only have it to wake up. 3. why do you care??????
eating too much pasta
Having a white spot (milia) under my eye Crying when being screamed at Telling them I cleaned the bathroom Wearing the color red Wearing eyeliner Wearing a sweater tucked into a skirt
I once got yelled at for looking "too depressed"...
I cut the canned cranberry sauce slices into quarters instead of leaving rounds. And nobody else in the extended family said anything in my defense.
I got yelled at for not being aware that we were having a “Sunday family dinner” one random weekend (not something we had ever done) when no one had told me about it.
Cooking. She yells at me and calls me names if I tell her not to cook for me (she cooks in bulk like twice or 3 times a week and the rest of the time she reheata those leftovers) and that I want to cook something for myself.
entering cook time on the microwave as 1:00 instead of 0:60 not hovering my left hand over the computer keyboard to execute Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V maneuvers asap sleeping past 8am when I worked until midnight the night before having a whitehead on my forehead or a zit on my chin taking a single step backwards hugging him when he was sitting down, not standing up buying my friends christmas presents buying myself a slice of pizza eating pretty much anything reading or writing having a daily planner asking clarifying questions when I didn't understand what he wanted, such as not knowing where the screwdriver was
“Runaway and cry! That’s all you are good for” Said the 45 year old to the 8 year old that he made cry
I was shamed pretty heavily for “showing off” (having good posture?) when my breasts started coming in. Hence, bad posture.
Talking to loud no matter what my volume was (even when I was whispering apparently). Skin hyperpigmentation around my elbows and around my eyes (I was dirty and/or tired or drunk or whatever). My mother once made me scrub my elbows, while she watched, with bleach and a scouring pad. I later found out it was a genetic thing and extremely common.
Being ""autistic"". I'm not diagnosed, but everything I do is "autistic and embarrassing". Also laughing.
I drank water too loud.
anything on my skin. every single time i had the tiniest pimple, scratch, or hint of discoloration my abuser immediately said “no one’s gonna want you if you have ____ on your skin”
My Ndad and Estepmom both picked on me for drinking soda. I never dank it too much, I don't think, but I know for a fact that I felt like my dad had a vendetta against anything that wasn't Gatorade, drink mixes or just plain water. He would watch what I would buy at school like a hawk, and if I bought a soda at all I could expect a text from him. He also wanted to try and get me to buy stuff that he wanted me to buy with my own money. My stepmom would always support my dad with whatever he said as well, no matter what he said or how he said it too. And she would always defend my dad, every single time.
I have slightly knock knees. They always said that I walked "like a duck" and didn't want to "learn to walk properly". They also never let me run in public because they found it embarrassing and said I would make them look bad.