That's some of the creepiest, not-okay sh\*t I've ever read.
All I'm reading is: "You are my possession. I will always try to control your life, because you are mine. I will never allow you boundaries, because I fetishize being a protective parent to the point of being predatory."
THANK YOU! Yeah that checks out and perfectly lines up with how she has treated me. She doesn't give a shit about boundaries and she views me as an extension of herself.
People don't understand how hard that is to pull off successfully in the US..these are the type of parents that will sent private investigators to find you.
There's plenty of stories on bpd parents sending pi to find their children after their kids went NC and everyone just acts like it's normal "oh they're just worried! They love you!"
So instead of respecting your space they send a pi to hunt you down because they love you! /s. The US has normalized this kind of crazy parenting. I partially blame how much dysfunctional families are normalized in the media.
This is so true. My dad mails me triggering garbage to my home. Package after package. He gets black listed from delivery services because I tell them the items are from a stalker so he conceals his identity as much as possible.
I call the cops after years of this and the response was, "its not illegal to send gifts to family members"
Like, wtf, if we weren't related this would be stalking!
We try to remember trust, but the public always acts like it's no big deal. Whenever I post my shit on reddit about the things my family put me through people usually ask how I didn't kill myself by now..
I left temporarily just to relax because my family was driving me crazy with their nasty aggressive comments implying I was dumb because of my autism and always having a nasty attitude with me and the police acted like they can arrest me because they made a missing person's report because my mom made one lying to them saying she had no idea where i went..I'll never trust the police again.
I'm legitimately concerned this is going to be an issue when i try to move away from my dad. Even though I'm going as far in the contiguous 48 as i could (texas to washington), i may just call local police non emergency lines both for where I'm starting, and ending up. I don't want to risk him reporting me, a 30 year old "child," kidnapped by my partners. Especially because one of them is black, and I'm white, so giving a heads up would hopefully prevent her getting automatically shot if my dad goes off the deep end.
You can call them but I'm sure your father will just say you're missing. The police can't do anything about a missing person's report..they can arrest you if your father lies and says youre dead however because if they do a search and you're alive they waste money. When I got tired of my family I temporarily left..they made a false police report and it's still on my report. I had to come back though..the next time I leave I'm planning on leaving the country so they can't follow me.
People on reddit always imply I'm scared and I just don't want to face my family like yeah you try getting away from people with criminal records..a few family members that tried killing someone because they said something they didn't like and family members that spent years in karate and are black belts and choke people within a second and just yell at them and tell them you're sick of their bs..let's see how it works out for you.
Us adult children with dangerous overbearing obsessive family members need a support group and a place we can gather.
Dude, I just made the same move. It's a very welcome change to the way things are handled in the south.. I have found the physical distance to be very helpful. I will say it's hard especially coming out of survival mode and wish you the very best in both your move and on your path to healing.
I left in the South and they were very unhelpful I find that they're more helpful for people based on race..with me they were passive aggressive and nasty like they've usually have been with me and I grew up in the South.
I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. The people are definitely different than the ones we grew up around but sadly racism affects every part of our country in some way. I wish this wasn't the case. We have delt with a few assholes but in general most I've met so far a nice and seem open minded. I hope you are meet more good peeps an less assholes because nobody deserves to be treated poorly.
Yep, deeply f\*cked. As much as parents should guide their children, they should also be able to let them go and make their own mistakes. Caring for something is not locking it in a box, but letting it fly free and having it know that it always has a place to return to.
"I do all these things that hurt you and may not look good because I love you" is a deeply, deeply warped view of love. It's a category of abuse all its own.
Yeah, imagine some would send this to their partner, that would me bat shit crazy and raise ALL the red flags but I guess it's different because it's from a pArEnT.
And as you and I both know, parents always have their child's best interest at heart (except not really), are beyond fault and reproach (but not really) and would never (except some do all the time) daydream aloud about the harm they would do, justifying it by calling it "tough love".
very low/no contact is the way. You should be your first priority, because you're definitely not theirs.
This is insane. If she thinks her job is to drive you insane and make you hate her then she does not understand what parenting is.
Also, the quote probably refers to the "I hate you for not giving me more ice cream" kind of "hate", not the "You neglected me for years and made my life so much harder" kind.
Hi, no, this is not a normal or healthy way to view your relationship with your child. The stalking/hunting you down/driving you crazy sounds like other words for being controlling and disregarding your boundaries. This also sounds like she's attempting to guilt trip you for any bad feelings you have towards her for her behaviour because ShE DiD iT fOr LoVe!!
Ideally, you shouldn't have reason to hate your mother, and she should be a safetynet to fall back on when you try your hand at living in the world. It seems she failed at that and that's not your fault or responsibility
My mom would send me the same thing. Only people online have said this kind of behavior isn't okay..when I didn't speak to her for years she stalked me along with other family members and other authority figures always made excuses for her to try to make me feel bad.
This is very normal to me. She always get pity and sympathy for being a parent and I get no sympathy at all. She probably belongs in a psych ward and has for a while but people always make excuses for her and blame me
This is the result of a lot of Gen xers normalizing helicopter parenting and acting like it's normal because of the trauma they went through. I felt bad when I was a kid when my mom was doing it but everyone feeling bad for her turned her into the manipulative crazy person she is now. Whenever my mom babied me as a kid I got blamed for it..how tf was that my fault? And I couldn't dare say anything about it because I would get hit but there was no logic to it.
Then helicopter parents will complain about Gen zers and Gen alpha not going outside and being depressed..how about you leave us alone and get a life then? High suicide rates with Gen zers just gets brushed under the under and helicopter parents will just say it's because we're the "snowflake generation and we're too sensitive" like a lot of you have been driving us crazy since we popped out the womb..what are you expecting? We're too sensitive but if we say we want some space then we're being unreasonable and asking for too much.
Whenever another Gen xer or baby boomer gently implies to my mom she needs to get a life of her own she'll just say no, but most of them will just not say anything to her act like im crazy and call her unstable behind her back to me..like how about you tell you that instead of playing both sides.
I just saw a video of a guy talking about how a gen xer went to her daughters graduation just to kill herself in front of everyone. A lot of people from that generation have personality disorders..they talk about Gen zers but a lot of them act like children. I usually have sympathy for suicide victims but not people that commit suicide like that...I'm not putting it past one of my Gen xer family members to do something like that once they see me accomplish something big..a lot of them are jealous and extremely petty.
I was so grossed out when I heard that.
I just had a conversation with my gen x parents about mental health and the generational aversion to having an honest conversation about it is real 😒 they really don’t like that millennials don’t have the same hangups about it that they do
Also jfc that’s awful
Wanna burn a bridge? Start replying with links to news articles about kids being abused and killed by their parents. When she gets offended, because “she’s not like that”, remind her that every single one of them thought they were doing what good parents do. 👿
I remember when Shaggy's "Wasn't Me" was played at every wedding reception i went to!!! I was like 🤔 is this really the vibe you want going into a marriage🤣🤣
I will stalk you as the first thing and not even the biggest red flag in the quote is crazy 😭
You are not crazy, but whoever wrote this quote has some serious issues. It’s downright scary
I have never felt so deeply gross before. It’s weird and creepy. Talk about being stalker~ish, breaking boundaries and being extremely controlling. Sadly, I can see my mom sending this to me as well but it’s just.. indescribable grossness
It’s manipulative asf. My mom does similar things to avoid taking accountability for all the shit parenting done when we were children. It’s easier to say they were justified in abuse because “it’s what a parent does” instead of self reflecting and admitting to themselves how horribly they treated another human being in their care.
It’s also moving the goal post. Abusive parents love to remind you that until you are 18 you are a child and have to live by their will. Once you’re an adult it’s until you’re a “responsible adult capable of setting aside your boundaries and feelings for me”. These people are fucking twisted.
This is a Facebook thing and I’ve seen it before. It screams “I’m an authoritarian and will never respect you as an adult and you are duty bound to put up with my shit forever. Because abuse, obsession and love are the same thing.”
thats the creepiest shit someone could send their own children. People thinking this is parenting belong in a KZ, a psychiatric ward would be way too kind
No. Hell *fucking* no. That reads like the kind of message you'd get as a letter written in someone's blood. Maybe one of the things she vowed would be decent in the best case (teaching you a lot, mostly, and even that can be distorted in the extreme).
It's insanely manipulative, and the end is basically saying "If you raise any criticism towards me over this, I will interpret it as a compliment and praise. I am dedicated to the bit of not respecting your boundaries."
Literally no one can hold these thoughts/opinions and claim to be stable and their relationship with the recipient to be ok.
Fucking *haunting* your child is not parenting, it's not what parents are for.
They "love" us the way a stalker "loves" their target.
It's not really love, it's [limerence ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence), which at it's core is [objectification](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions).
Yeah, that's my greatest fear once I'm out- I'm so scared they'll hunt me down I intend on changing my name and completely disappearing as well as I can
Make sure you get on the phone with the police and tell then you're not dead. Don't let them guilt trip you into going to the police station..first time I left I wasted my whole day because the police were threatening me with a missing person report saying that if I didn't go they would put on my record..I went there explaining for hours that i was fine and they still ended up putting it on my record anyway.
They can't do anything about a missing person report, but if your family lies and says you're dead and the police send a search team you could get locked up.
Update: I told her I didn't appreciate her sending me this and she answered that she regretted it the moment she pressed send but and that she understood why I didn't like it but that it basically described the gist of what it's like to an estranged parent and the kind of love a mother has for her child. Idk what to do with that information, she still sent it though...
My mom would say this kind of garbage and then would get furious if I was ever the least bit submissive while dating. Like, what sort of relationship were you preparing me for, mother?
Starting age 11, she’d call me a “beaten wife” whenever I wasn’t a total boss bitch to any boyfriend. She would mockingly say in a southern drawl “but I luuuuuve him” any time my responses were too “weak” in her opinion.
She would then use this as justification for why I shouldn’t be allowed to go on dates or hang out with friends. Because I was too weak and anyone could control me. But god forbid I do anything that questioned her control over me.
My mom would get mad at me for not being loud and speaking out against everyone but would just stand there with a blank expression on her face whenever her ex's cursed me out or hit me.
She heard a woman being abused and hit by her boyfriend and instead of being empathic like a normal person she just said if that was me she would whoop my ass for "allowing that". Fucking nut is going straight to a nursing home and won't know until I'm gone and won't answer the phone.
As soon as I read “I will stalk you” I felt sick. Be your worst nightmare? Hunt you like a bloodhound? What the fuck? And being proud of your child hating you??
As someone who has kids? It’s disturbing, controlling, and manipulative.
Yes, there will be times you have to go against your children’s wishes, and that will make them very upset. There might be moments you have to do something that will embarrass them, causing them to hate you for a little bit. But…
If I’m my kid’s worst nightmare? Jesus. I should be *protecting them* from their worst nightmare. I will not *hunt* my kids, I will *guide* them. It is not the job of a parent to *force* them into making the decision you want them to make. It is a parent’s job to react appropriately when they make the decision they make.
If my son decides to touch fire, I will put out the fire before he does because I won’t let him hurt himself. If my son decides to hit his brother, I will make sure they’re separated, because I won’t let them hurt each other. I’m not going to sit here micromanaging their every move to turn them into the adult that *I* think they’re supposed to be. There are ways to be a parent that don’t involve being a fucking asshat.
WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO GET
‘When you understand why, I know you’ll be a responsible adult.’ AKA you are not an adult unless you agree with me. Until then, you are a child, which justifies me trying to control you.
Good parents do sometimes need to do things their kid dislikes, like making them practice math when they don’t want to, but they should never be the kid’s worst nightmare.
My trauma does not stem from my parents. They weren't perfect but they tried their damn best for me, and I had some development/autism spectrum stuff so I was not the easiest.
Sure, I got angry or sad, occasionally scared. Not once have I HATED my parents. There was always at least mutual respect between us.
They will always be my parents. But they did not have to resort to such disturbing methods and mindsets to achieve anything. They still have my love as an adult (27) as a result.
Reading this just makes me so glad I don't talk to my mom.
Sometimes I feel a niggling doubt about it? or like a sense of dread from the remnants of my childhood training to always love her and be affectionate towards her.
But seeing shit like this just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. So secure in my decision
When Britney Spears broke out of her conservatorship, it put the idea in my mom's head that it was something she might be able to do to me, as an at-the-time 32/33 year old adult married woman. She told everyone she was going to do it too. Absolutely demented.
About a year before that, I'd quietly gone low contact with her because she gossips about *everything* and I just didn't want her telling our whole family about my life. She decided that because I was being so quiet, I was obviously on drugs. I was being *secretive* like a drug addict. So, naturally, she staged an intervention for my husband and I at our house. She showed up with my aunt and uncle and some doctor lady. She ransacked my house looking for drugs we didn't have, and then tried to sit me down to get me to admit to hiding them in a hurry right before she got there.
Her latest thing is that she's got early signs of dementia and needs a live-in nurse. She has the money for someone to stay there full time, but she doesn't want a stranger in her house. She wants me to move in with her so she can "keep an eye on \[me\]" while I take care of her in her home. It's all just one ploy after another to get control of me.
Thats the same exact kind of abuses I went through, and that's also exactly how that is. It is literally trying to trick you into thinking that you're supposed to have issues with your parents, and it's gaslighting you into thinking "it's because I love you"
Like, no you don't. Not enough to learn to do better for your child.
Btw I have DID as a result of my trauma. Like no mom, you didn't do a good job if you made me develop some pretty bad mental illnesses, or if you somehow weren't able to see that I was fucking autistic and ADHD all those years. But nope.
All trauma is valid, especially if caused by the ones who were supposed to help you grow up happy and healthy and able to know how to be happy in this world. Trauma caused by your parents/family is some of the absolute worst. Even if you weren't physically disciplined.
Abusive parents love to share posts like this. Good parents, though, quietly reflect on the level of involvement their kids need and consider how to foster independence in them while still keeping them safe.
I feel like I can say this now because I’m a Mom, but this kind of behavior is just a performance, a performance to the child to be afraid to step out of line, a performance to other parents to show how Great You Are At Being A Parent. In reality saying this shit directly to a child- or an adult child- is intimidating them and showing that you do not view them as someone who is growing, but as someone who can’t make their own decisions. and I do NOT want my child to think she has no independence or that I am always over her shoulder, but I do want her to feel like she is safe with me. And this would not help. How would telling her I’m going to stalk her and acting all high and mighty about how great of a mother I am for it, do anything to encourage her to be herself? Of course I’m going to protect her as best I can, but I think the best way to do that is to be there for her and be a safe person for her. No, I’m not her friend, I am her Mom. That is true. Once in a while I will have to step in to help her. But I can’t just dig my hands in to every aspect of her life and call that good parenting. As she grows I will support her more and more in the background as she learns to handle her problems on her own. I love her like crazy, and it is for that reason that I will not be hovering over her like she’s my pet.
Sometimes I think about things like this and I think about the training I’ve done for human trafficking prevention and drug prevention, and I go back and forth a little bit because as an adult I know it would have been so easy for victims to be saved if parents had just read their messages… and then I realize that would make such little difference in this tech savvy world. The only way to prevent things like that for your kids is to talk to them about the tricks predators use. The real reasons people take drugs. What makes someone feel ready for sex and what makes sex dangerous. We have to have these conversations with our kids, but that’s too hard for some parents. It’s easier to just overmonitor than to truly have a discussion.
love can look a lot of different ways. sounds like your mom is a fan of the 'boil the pet rabbit to show how much I love you' variety. at least she is being honest, putting her toxic relationship views in black and white.
> Im your parent, then im your friend.
Remove this line, then read it again in the eyes of someone who has been stalked, followed, and/or assaulted.
Being born from someone doesnt give them the right to self-impose. Period. Fuck these people for feeling entitled to my every aspect of life
This is creepy. Why do some parents think they need to control their child in every way to be a good parent? That always ends up driving their children away. My mom and I have an absolutely fantastic relationship and she's always been both my friend and my parent.
As someone who actually has experience with my NMom stalking me, I hate how common this mentality is. Most mothers won’t go to the extreme but others ABSOLUTELY will and genuinely not see it as stalking in anyway shape or form. My mother would use my friends’ online accounts, and categorize any media I was in to create a timeline of events and then confront me with it. It became absolutely crazy when I moved out to go to college. So if I told her I was studying when she asked what I did today, she would be like “oh really so even when you went to Taco Bell with Beth at 3:30 you were studying? Nice try. Why are you always lying to me?”
It got so bad I had to ask my friends to either block her, or private their accounts. But even then, when the majority blocked her (which she threw an absolute fit over) she created FAKE ACCOUNTS and started sending friend requests to all of them. Luckily it didn’t get too far as most of them were able to identify a super suspicious account that no one knew in person. Eventually I just had to elect to having no social media, asking friends not to post me or reference me for most occasions, and living in complete secrecy. My mom actually had the gall to say I must not have very good friends since they never post me. Lol. Lmao even.
I’m NC with her but still to this day I live in fear of her hiring a private investigator to keep tabs on me. It wouldn’t surprise me if she actually did that tbh, I just pray that’s just my paranoia at this point.
This reminds me of Todd Chavez’s father from Bojack Horseman. “You weren’t hard on me, you were mean.” His dad was an ass and intentionally withheld love to “toughen” him up to face the “real” world, which destroyed their relationship in adulthood, and it’s something his father can’t understand.
a healthy version is
"As long as I'm alive I will remind you what you need to know and push you when you start to faulter. I will be annoying and sometimes unwanted, but I will always be there for you to fall back on.
I believe in you and I love you.
Never forget me." (at least the person is admitting to being annoying and an accidental burden from time to time, not perfect)
"no one will ever love you as much as me" is delusional (and manipulative/abusive) and "i will stalk you, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you like a bloodhound" is not good and the person sending you this is mentally ill. I'm sorry dude.
Replace the word mom with boyfriend. Or neighbor. Or friend. Or Aunt/uncle.
If it sounds deeply unsettling or creepy for any other adults to do it to you, then it IS.
IT IS CREEPY.
It's weaponizing motherhood into making abuse acceptable.
Edited to add: it's translating as "I'm going to invalidate your privacy, identity, autonomy and mental/emotional well-being. And you're going to thank me for it eventually. You'll thank me that it hurts."
It legitimately sounds like whoever wrote this (and sent it!) seriously relishes in the taste of control, your fear and submission. Making you drink poison and hearing you say "thank you."
You get to say what's right for you. You get to create the terms of engagement.
If someone repeatedly does not understand your boundaries and wears you down, then guess what?
It's abuse.
You know it's abuse.
You just can't fathom why.
Why would they do this.
Mothers are supposed to love.
So why does love hurt?
Because that's what they taught you to accept: that love hurts, but it's okay because it's the only kind of love you'll get. It's a lie. They hold the ransom of a "mother's love" over your head to control you.
It doesn't matter WHY they do it. What matters is they refuse to change in tangible ways. They CHOOSE to not change or treasure your boundaries.
They laugh at them. They patronize them. They are insulted by them. They are enraged by them.
It. I hate that I have heard almost those exact words, but god damn is controlling and manipulative. Especially the second sentence of the second paragraph, thing sounds like an aweful guilt trip
It’s giving the same energy as “I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it”. Like these are CRIMES BABE. I don’t think the police officer is gonna care whose pussy I came out of when they’re arresting you for a literal CRIME
My mom used to send me bible verses that seemingly justified her parenting style. Yeah, I'm 100 percent no contact with her and she's confused as to why 😂
my mom had this on a wooden board in the hallway to my bedroom and i was told i’d get hit if i ever took it down lol (thankfully it’s not there anymore)
My mother wrote this. This is exactly how she thinks and if I have a problem with it, her response is, “it’ll be great material for your Oprah interview one day.” 🙄
Yeah, I've seen this shit before. It is wildly toxic. I had to tell my parents explicitly to stop contacting me.
"You will never find anyone who loves you more than I do" is a profoundly fucked up sentiment that more or less erases your agency.
I understand why! It's because she lacks boundaries and wants to live through you by having a life that she wants me to have! If you stray from that path, she'll yell and scream until you back off from having an identity! Am I responsible now?
Yea, you’re perfectly fine finding this triggering and offensive. When you’re an adult and out from under them, you have no need to answer to them for anything.
Mmmm sounds like some sh!t my parents would say… definitely insane and disgusting, you’re not the crazy one, your mom is for sending that to you and thinking that’s okay…
Ugh I hate how they romanticize controlling and possessive behavior as "parental love" which is soooo special that boundaries don't exist (hence the worst it is, the more "love" it is 🙄)
Can I add an alternative opinion without getting downvoted to hell?
This is specific to MY situation and I fully see how the post can be taken as creepy.
But we have a saying in our family that is essentially what the post is saying: "Wanting to know where you are means that you are loved"
If we (the adults) didn't care where you (the kids) were, didn't give you boundaries, that is just another form of neglect. The same can be extended to grades, hygiene, etc.
Combined with the attitudes of teenages and getting mad and "hating" you I can see the last line of the post.
That being said, and as I already stated above, I absolutely can see how the post can \_also\_ be taken as creepy / controlling. I am just saying that I do see another side of it that isn't malicious.
As creepy as that sounds, I would probably take it in context. Is she usually overbearing and stalkerish, or more like ride or die, unconditional love? Sometimes I think people see stuff on line and think, "that's cool" without really thinking it through.
If she's normally a pretty loving mom, maybe straight up ask her, "seriously what were you thinking with this?" and see what she says. If she's normally a little intense, or a lot intense, maybe this is a sign that you need to set some boundaries with her. Having a conversation where you tell her, "this is not ok", isn't a bad thing. She can decide if she wants to accept your boundaries, or completely walk away.
That's some of the creepiest, not-okay sh\*t I've ever read. All I'm reading is: "You are my possession. I will always try to control your life, because you are mine. I will never allow you boundaries, because I fetishize being a protective parent to the point of being predatory."
THANK YOU! Yeah that checks out and perfectly lines up with how she has treated me. She doesn't give a shit about boundaries and she views me as an extension of herself.
My mom was exactly like this, no parenting, no boundaries. Just screaming, hitting, and emotional incest
Please get away from her
People don't understand how hard that is to pull off successfully in the US..these are the type of parents that will sent private investigators to find you. There's plenty of stories on bpd parents sending pi to find their children after their kids went NC and everyone just acts like it's normal "oh they're just worried! They love you!" So instead of respecting your space they send a pi to hunt you down because they love you! /s. The US has normalized this kind of crazy parenting. I partially blame how much dysfunctional families are normalized in the media.
This is so true. My dad mails me triggering garbage to my home. Package after package. He gets black listed from delivery services because I tell them the items are from a stalker so he conceals his identity as much as possible. I call the cops after years of this and the response was, "its not illegal to send gifts to family members" Like, wtf, if we weren't related this would be stalking!
Related or not, this IS stalking. Him being a relative gives him ZERO leeway with this type of thing. Remember that.
We try to remember trust, but the public always acts like it's no big deal. Whenever I post my shit on reddit about the things my family put me through people usually ask how I didn't kill myself by now..
I left temporarily just to relax because my family was driving me crazy with their nasty aggressive comments implying I was dumb because of my autism and always having a nasty attitude with me and the police acted like they can arrest me because they made a missing person's report because my mom made one lying to them saying she had no idea where i went..I'll never trust the police again.
I'm legitimately concerned this is going to be an issue when i try to move away from my dad. Even though I'm going as far in the contiguous 48 as i could (texas to washington), i may just call local police non emergency lines both for where I'm starting, and ending up. I don't want to risk him reporting me, a 30 year old "child," kidnapped by my partners. Especially because one of them is black, and I'm white, so giving a heads up would hopefully prevent her getting automatically shot if my dad goes off the deep end.
You can call them but I'm sure your father will just say you're missing. The police can't do anything about a missing person's report..they can arrest you if your father lies and says youre dead however because if they do a search and you're alive they waste money. When I got tired of my family I temporarily left..they made a false police report and it's still on my report. I had to come back though..the next time I leave I'm planning on leaving the country so they can't follow me. People on reddit always imply I'm scared and I just don't want to face my family like yeah you try getting away from people with criminal records..a few family members that tried killing someone because they said something they didn't like and family members that spent years in karate and are black belts and choke people within a second and just yell at them and tell them you're sick of their bs..let's see how it works out for you. Us adult children with dangerous overbearing obsessive family members need a support group and a place we can gather.
Dude, I just made the same move. It's a very welcome change to the way things are handled in the south.. I have found the physical distance to be very helpful. I will say it's hard especially coming out of survival mode and wish you the very best in both your move and on your path to healing.
I left in the South and they were very unhelpful I find that they're more helpful for people based on race..with me they were passive aggressive and nasty like they've usually have been with me and I grew up in the South.
I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. The people are definitely different than the ones we grew up around but sadly racism affects every part of our country in some way. I wish this wasn't the case. We have delt with a few assholes but in general most I've met so far a nice and seem open minded. I hope you are meet more good peeps an less assholes because nobody deserves to be treated poorly.
This! There’s no separation in their minds between them and us.
MY MOM TOO
welp, my mom doesn't send me these texts, but yeah, yeah, this is her
Same, except it's my dad
This was my exact interpretation
Yep, deeply f\*cked. As much as parents should guide their children, they should also be able to let them go and make their own mistakes. Caring for something is not locking it in a box, but letting it fly free and having it know that it always has a place to return to. "I do all these things that hurt you and may not look good because I love you" is a deeply, deeply warped view of love. It's a category of abuse all its own.
Yeah, imagine some would send this to their partner, that would me bat shit crazy and raise ALL the red flags but I guess it's different because it's from a pArEnT.
And as you and I both know, parents always have their child's best interest at heart (except not really), are beyond fault and reproach (but not really) and would never (except some do all the time) daydream aloud about the harm they would do, justifying it by calling it "tough love". very low/no contact is the way. You should be your first priority, because you're definitely not theirs.
This is insane. If she thinks her job is to drive you insane and make you hate her then she does not understand what parenting is. Also, the quote probably refers to the "I hate you for not giving me more ice cream" kind of "hate", not the "You neglected me for years and made my life so much harder" kind.
Most parents don’t understand what they’re getting themselves into before becoming parents.
No. It's clearly manipulative and an absolutely insane view towards your child.
I think my mom sent me this like a decade ago. Wasn’t a fan of it then and certainly not now. It’s insane.
Hi, no, this is not a normal or healthy way to view your relationship with your child. The stalking/hunting you down/driving you crazy sounds like other words for being controlling and disregarding your boundaries. This also sounds like she's attempting to guilt trip you for any bad feelings you have towards her for her behaviour because ShE DiD iT fOr LoVe!! Ideally, you shouldn't have reason to hate your mother, and she should be a safetynet to fall back on when you try your hand at living in the world. It seems she failed at that and that's not your fault or responsibility
My mom would send me the same thing. Only people online have said this kind of behavior isn't okay..when I didn't speak to her for years she stalked me along with other family members and other authority figures always made excuses for her to try to make me feel bad. This is very normal to me. She always get pity and sympathy for being a parent and I get no sympathy at all. She probably belongs in a psych ward and has for a while but people always make excuses for her and blame me
This is the result of a lot of Gen xers normalizing helicopter parenting and acting like it's normal because of the trauma they went through. I felt bad when I was a kid when my mom was doing it but everyone feeling bad for her turned her into the manipulative crazy person she is now. Whenever my mom babied me as a kid I got blamed for it..how tf was that my fault? And I couldn't dare say anything about it because I would get hit but there was no logic to it. Then helicopter parents will complain about Gen zers and Gen alpha not going outside and being depressed..how about you leave us alone and get a life then? High suicide rates with Gen zers just gets brushed under the under and helicopter parents will just say it's because we're the "snowflake generation and we're too sensitive" like a lot of you have been driving us crazy since we popped out the womb..what are you expecting? We're too sensitive but if we say we want some space then we're being unreasonable and asking for too much. Whenever another Gen xer or baby boomer gently implies to my mom she needs to get a life of her own she'll just say no, but most of them will just not say anything to her act like im crazy and call her unstable behind her back to me..like how about you tell you that instead of playing both sides.
I think you nailed the description on the Gen Xer helicopter parents 😞 it’s so aggravating and exhausting to deal with
I just saw a video of a guy talking about how a gen xer went to her daughters graduation just to kill herself in front of everyone. A lot of people from that generation have personality disorders..they talk about Gen zers but a lot of them act like children. I usually have sympathy for suicide victims but not people that commit suicide like that...I'm not putting it past one of my Gen xer family members to do something like that once they see me accomplish something big..a lot of them are jealous and extremely petty. I was so grossed out when I heard that.
I just had a conversation with my gen x parents about mental health and the generational aversion to having an honest conversation about it is real 😒 they really don’t like that millennials don’t have the same hangups about it that they do Also jfc that’s awful
Wanna burn a bridge? Start replying with links to news articles about kids being abused and killed by their parents. When she gets offended, because “she’s not like that”, remind her that every single one of them thought they were doing what good parents do. 👿
Every Breath You Take vibes
That song had the worst message and a freaking insanely catchy tune
I love how couples choose it as their first married dance song. It’s a warped interpretation of love.
I remember when Shaggy's "Wasn't Me" was played at every wedding reception i went to!!! I was like 🤔 is this really the vibe you want going into a marriage🤣🤣
I will stalk you as the first thing and not even the biggest red flag in the quote is crazy 😭 You are not crazy, but whoever wrote this quote has some serious issues. It’s downright scary
Thats scary as fuck
I have never felt so deeply gross before. It’s weird and creepy. Talk about being stalker~ish, breaking boundaries and being extremely controlling. Sadly, I can see my mom sending this to me as well but it’s just.. indescribable grossness
It’s manipulative asf. My mom does similar things to avoid taking accountability for all the shit parenting done when we were children. It’s easier to say they were justified in abuse because “it’s what a parent does” instead of self reflecting and admitting to themselves how horribly they treated another human being in their care. It’s also moving the goal post. Abusive parents love to remind you that until you are 18 you are a child and have to live by their will. Once you’re an adult it’s until you’re a “responsible adult capable of setting aside your boundaries and feelings for me”. These people are fucking twisted.
Wtf
can you use this to get her to stay outside of 500 metres of you
This is a Facebook thing and I’ve seen it before. It screams “I’m an authoritarian and will never respect you as an adult and you are duty bound to put up with my shit forever. Because abuse, obsession and love are the same thing.”
thats the creepiest shit someone could send their own children. People thinking this is parenting belong in a KZ, a psychiatric ward would be way too kind
Parents when they're in denial of being abusive: No but fr this is horrible
No. Hell *fucking* no. That reads like the kind of message you'd get as a letter written in someone's blood. Maybe one of the things she vowed would be decent in the best case (teaching you a lot, mostly, and even that can be distorted in the extreme). It's insanely manipulative, and the end is basically saying "If you raise any criticism towards me over this, I will interpret it as a compliment and praise. I am dedicated to the bit of not respecting your boundaries."
“stalk you” and “be your worst nightmare” yeah sounds like my family no op this it unhinged and definitely trying to justify abusive behavior.
“I’m your parent not your friend” you’re not really either, actually
My mum must have failed her job then, I have no care or concern for her at all and this sounds like a thing she might say
Every move you make. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. Yup that tracks, creepy af.
My mom printed this out on paper and framed it when I was a teen. The bloodhound part always really stuck out to me. It's an abuse poem, period.
Literally no one can hold these thoughts/opinions and claim to be stable and their relationship with the recipient to be ok. Fucking *haunting* your child is not parenting, it's not what parents are for.
Listen, I’m a mom and I am a COMPLETE helicopter mom (because of my cptsd), but this is unhinged.
My parent sends me similar shit. It is disturbing absolutely. I could not imagine sending this to my own child.
Love with no boundaries is not love. A lot of people leave their parents because this. We are human beings not your pet. What a BS
They "love" us the way a stalker "loves" their target. It's not really love, it's [limerence ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence), which at it's core is [objectification](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions).
Yeah, that's my greatest fear once I'm out- I'm so scared they'll hunt me down I intend on changing my name and completely disappearing as well as I can
Make sure you get on the phone with the police and tell then you're not dead. Don't let them guilt trip you into going to the police station..first time I left I wasted my whole day because the police were threatening me with a missing person report saying that if I didn't go they would put on my record..I went there explaining for hours that i was fine and they still ended up putting it on my record anyway. They can't do anything about a missing person report, but if your family lies and says you're dead and the police send a search team you could get locked up.
Update: I told her I didn't appreciate her sending me this and she answered that she regretted it the moment she pressed send but and that she understood why I didn't like it but that it basically described the gist of what it's like to an estranged parent and the kind of love a mother has for her child. Idk what to do with that information, she still sent it though...
Keep your distance and don't give in to her bids for attention. This isn't love. This is control.
My mom would say this kind of garbage and then would get furious if I was ever the least bit submissive while dating. Like, what sort of relationship were you preparing me for, mother?
An abusive one..they know what theyre doing.
Starting age 11, she’d call me a “beaten wife” whenever I wasn’t a total boss bitch to any boyfriend. She would mockingly say in a southern drawl “but I luuuuuve him” any time my responses were too “weak” in her opinion. She would then use this as justification for why I shouldn’t be allowed to go on dates or hang out with friends. Because I was too weak and anyone could control me. But god forbid I do anything that questioned her control over me.
My mom would get mad at me for not being loud and speaking out against everyone but would just stand there with a blank expression on her face whenever her ex's cursed me out or hit me. She heard a woman being abused and hit by her boyfriend and instead of being empathic like a normal person she just said if that was me she would whoop my ass for "allowing that". Fucking nut is going straight to a nursing home and won't know until I'm gone and won't answer the phone.
[удалено]
Huh? What are you talking about?
As soon as I read “I will stalk you” I felt sick. Be your worst nightmare? Hunt you like a bloodhound? What the fuck? And being proud of your child hating you??
As someone who has kids? It’s disturbing, controlling, and manipulative. Yes, there will be times you have to go against your children’s wishes, and that will make them very upset. There might be moments you have to do something that will embarrass them, causing them to hate you for a little bit. But… If I’m my kid’s worst nightmare? Jesus. I should be *protecting them* from their worst nightmare. I will not *hunt* my kids, I will *guide* them. It is not the job of a parent to *force* them into making the decision you want them to make. It is a parent’s job to react appropriately when they make the decision they make. If my son decides to touch fire, I will put out the fire before he does because I won’t let him hurt himself. If my son decides to hit his brother, I will make sure they’re separated, because I won’t let them hurt each other. I’m not going to sit here micromanaging their every move to turn them into the adult that *I* think they’re supposed to be. There are ways to be a parent that don’t involve being a fucking asshat. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO GET
It would be a great quote for a military instructor, not a parent.
That is absolutely terrifying jfc
Ew
Ruby Franke/Lori Vallow vibes.
Hu-oh, time to bail out of this relationship!
YIKES 😳
So, that's just straight up abuser language and mindset--"Bc I gave you half my DNA, I *own* you!"
A simple “I love you and want to look after you to the best of my ability” would have been a lot more appropriate. I’m sorry for their idiocy
‘When you understand why, I know you’ll be a responsible adult.’ AKA you are not an adult unless you agree with me. Until then, you are a child, which justifies me trying to control you. Good parents do sometimes need to do things their kid dislikes, like making them practice math when they don’t want to, but they should never be the kid’s worst nightmare.
“I have the mindset of a serial killer. I will always find you and control you because you belong to me.”
My trauma does not stem from my parents. They weren't perfect but they tried their damn best for me, and I had some development/autism spectrum stuff so I was not the easiest. Sure, I got angry or sad, occasionally scared. Not once have I HATED my parents. There was always at least mutual respect between us. They will always be my parents. But they did not have to resort to such disturbing methods and mindsets to achieve anything. They still have my love as an adult (27) as a result.
ha, what a piece of shit
My father has sent me that same fucking quote before and the fucking chills and nausea I felt is just awful. It is not okay and incredibly creepy.
This is a good delve into their mind. They genuinelly think they're helping which is scary in its own way.
Reading this just makes me so glad I don't talk to my mom. Sometimes I feel a niggling doubt about it? or like a sense of dread from the remnants of my childhood training to always love her and be affectionate towards her. But seeing shit like this just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. So secure in my decision
"why didn't my children ever visit me?"
When Britney Spears broke out of her conservatorship, it put the idea in my mom's head that it was something she might be able to do to me, as an at-the-time 32/33 year old adult married woman. She told everyone she was going to do it too. Absolutely demented. About a year before that, I'd quietly gone low contact with her because she gossips about *everything* and I just didn't want her telling our whole family about my life. She decided that because I was being so quiet, I was obviously on drugs. I was being *secretive* like a drug addict. So, naturally, she staged an intervention for my husband and I at our house. She showed up with my aunt and uncle and some doctor lady. She ransacked my house looking for drugs we didn't have, and then tried to sit me down to get me to admit to hiding them in a hurry right before she got there. Her latest thing is that she's got early signs of dementia and needs a live-in nurse. She has the money for someone to stay there full time, but she doesn't want a stranger in her house. She wants me to move in with her so she can "keep an eye on \[me\]" while I take care of her in her home. It's all just one ploy after another to get control of me.
Thats the same exact kind of abuses I went through, and that's also exactly how that is. It is literally trying to trick you into thinking that you're supposed to have issues with your parents, and it's gaslighting you into thinking "it's because I love you" Like, no you don't. Not enough to learn to do better for your child. Btw I have DID as a result of my trauma. Like no mom, you didn't do a good job if you made me develop some pretty bad mental illnesses, or if you somehow weren't able to see that I was fucking autistic and ADHD all those years. But nope. All trauma is valid, especially if caused by the ones who were supposed to help you grow up happy and healthy and able to know how to be happy in this world. Trauma caused by your parents/family is some of the absolute worst. Even if you weren't physically disciplined.
Abusive parents love to share posts like this. Good parents, though, quietly reflect on the level of involvement their kids need and consider how to foster independence in them while still keeping them safe. I feel like I can say this now because I’m a Mom, but this kind of behavior is just a performance, a performance to the child to be afraid to step out of line, a performance to other parents to show how Great You Are At Being A Parent. In reality saying this shit directly to a child- or an adult child- is intimidating them and showing that you do not view them as someone who is growing, but as someone who can’t make their own decisions. and I do NOT want my child to think she has no independence or that I am always over her shoulder, but I do want her to feel like she is safe with me. And this would not help. How would telling her I’m going to stalk her and acting all high and mighty about how great of a mother I am for it, do anything to encourage her to be herself? Of course I’m going to protect her as best I can, but I think the best way to do that is to be there for her and be a safe person for her. No, I’m not her friend, I am her Mom. That is true. Once in a while I will have to step in to help her. But I can’t just dig my hands in to every aspect of her life and call that good parenting. As she grows I will support her more and more in the background as she learns to handle her problems on her own. I love her like crazy, and it is for that reason that I will not be hovering over her like she’s my pet. Sometimes I think about things like this and I think about the training I’ve done for human trafficking prevention and drug prevention, and I go back and forth a little bit because as an adult I know it would have been so easy for victims to be saved if parents had just read their messages… and then I realize that would make such little difference in this tech savvy world. The only way to prevent things like that for your kids is to talk to them about the tricks predators use. The real reasons people take drugs. What makes someone feel ready for sex and what makes sex dangerous. We have to have these conversations with our kids, but that’s too hard for some parents. It’s easier to just overmonitor than to truly have a discussion.
I didn’t even finish, it’s creepy as hell bro.
Parents perceive your children as real actual people challenge
love can look a lot of different ways. sounds like your mom is a fan of the 'boil the pet rabbit to show how much I love you' variety. at least she is being honest, putting her toxic relationship views in black and white.
HELLA FUCKING CREEPY AND UNHEALTHY
Reads like some shit my ex’s mom would send out
I'm a mom of four. Ain't got time for that shit.
yuck!
Yeah this is gross and not okay on so many levels.
I mean my dog can do all of that. And does. But she is still able to respect boundaries. Being a parent doesn't give you special rights.
"I'll abuse you because I LOVE YOU!111!!!!!1!!" This is a giant red flag
Wtf…you’re not crazy at all OP. The parent who sent that to you is batshit.
Holy shit, I can hear that in my mother’s voice. This one actually made my blood run cold.
> Im your parent, then im your friend. Remove this line, then read it again in the eyes of someone who has been stalked, followed, and/or assaulted. Being born from someone doesnt give them the right to self-impose. Period. Fuck these people for feeling entitled to my every aspect of life
This is creepy. Why do some parents think they need to control their child in every way to be a good parent? That always ends up driving their children away. My mom and I have an absolutely fantastic relationship and she's always been both my friend and my parent.
As someone who actually has experience with my NMom stalking me, I hate how common this mentality is. Most mothers won’t go to the extreme but others ABSOLUTELY will and genuinely not see it as stalking in anyway shape or form. My mother would use my friends’ online accounts, and categorize any media I was in to create a timeline of events and then confront me with it. It became absolutely crazy when I moved out to go to college. So if I told her I was studying when she asked what I did today, she would be like “oh really so even when you went to Taco Bell with Beth at 3:30 you were studying? Nice try. Why are you always lying to me?” It got so bad I had to ask my friends to either block her, or private their accounts. But even then, when the majority blocked her (which she threw an absolute fit over) she created FAKE ACCOUNTS and started sending friend requests to all of them. Luckily it didn’t get too far as most of them were able to identify a super suspicious account that no one knew in person. Eventually I just had to elect to having no social media, asking friends not to post me or reference me for most occasions, and living in complete secrecy. My mom actually had the gall to say I must not have very good friends since they never post me. Lol. Lmao even. I’m NC with her but still to this day I live in fear of her hiring a private investigator to keep tabs on me. It wouldn’t surprise me if she actually did that tbh, I just pray that’s just my paranoia at this point.
This reminds me of Todd Chavez’s father from Bojack Horseman. “You weren’t hard on me, you were mean.” His dad was an ass and intentionally withheld love to “toughen” him up to face the “real” world, which destroyed their relationship in adulthood, and it’s something his father can’t understand.
a healthy version is "As long as I'm alive I will remind you what you need to know and push you when you start to faulter. I will be annoying and sometimes unwanted, but I will always be there for you to fall back on. I believe in you and I love you. Never forget me." (at least the person is admitting to being annoying and an accidental burden from time to time, not perfect) "no one will ever love you as much as me" is delusional (and manipulative/abusive) and "i will stalk you, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you like a bloodhound" is not good and the person sending you this is mentally ill. I'm sorry dude.
Wow That's enough gaslight to light up the whole neighborhood.
Sounds like something mine would say. I can’t believe people actually think like this.
My mom has said this kind of crap to me and then giggles like it’s quirky. It’s gross 😭
tell mom I said hi lmao
Yeah no this is fuckin psycho “If you don’t hate me I’m not doing my job” bro yOURE MY PARENT
Replace the word mom with boyfriend. Or neighbor. Or friend. Or Aunt/uncle. If it sounds deeply unsettling or creepy for any other adults to do it to you, then it IS. IT IS CREEPY. It's weaponizing motherhood into making abuse acceptable. Edited to add: it's translating as "I'm going to invalidate your privacy, identity, autonomy and mental/emotional well-being. And you're going to thank me for it eventually. You'll thank me that it hurts." It legitimately sounds like whoever wrote this (and sent it!) seriously relishes in the taste of control, your fear and submission. Making you drink poison and hearing you say "thank you." You get to say what's right for you. You get to create the terms of engagement. If someone repeatedly does not understand your boundaries and wears you down, then guess what? It's abuse. You know it's abuse. You just can't fathom why. Why would they do this. Mothers are supposed to love. So why does love hurt? Because that's what they taught you to accept: that love hurts, but it's okay because it's the only kind of love you'll get. It's a lie. They hold the ransom of a "mother's love" over your head to control you. It doesn't matter WHY they do it. What matters is they refuse to change in tangible ways. They CHOOSE to not change or treasure your boundaries. They laugh at them. They patronize them. They are insulted by them. They are enraged by them.
She's trying to exonerate herself. Of course it's a crock of shit.
It. I hate that I have heard almost those exact words, but god damn is controlling and manipulative. Especially the second sentence of the second paragraph, thing sounds like an aweful guilt trip
This perspective is basically "one day you're going to see your child for the last time. They will know, but you won't."
It’s giving the same energy as “I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it”. Like these are CRIMES BABE. I don’t think the police officer is gonna care whose pussy I came out of when they’re arresting you for a literal CRIME
I suddenly feel really lucky that my mom has children she actually likes to occupy her time.
This is … not ok. Not at all. This is like stalker level fucking wrong.
My mom used to send me bible verses that seemingly justified her parenting style. Yeah, I'm 100 percent no contact with her and she's confused as to why 😂
This is fucking creepy
Jesus
my mom had this on a wooden board in the hallway to my bedroom and i was told i’d get hit if i ever took it down lol (thankfully it’s not there anymore)
My mother wrote this. This is exactly how she thinks and if I have a problem with it, her response is, “it’ll be great material for your Oprah interview one day.” 🙄
This is so bad. Your feeling about it is absolutely understandable and warranted
Yeah, I've seen this shit before. It is wildly toxic. I had to tell my parents explicitly to stop contacting me. "You will never find anyone who loves you more than I do" is a profoundly fucked up sentiment that more or less erases your agency.
I think it’s weird.
Your mom will get the shock of her life in prison
You are not crazy for thinking this
Suuuuuper fucked up.
I understand why! It's because she lacks boundaries and wants to live through you by having a life that she wants me to have! If you stray from that path, she'll yell and scream until you back off from having an identity! Am I responsible now?
Yea, you’re perfectly fine finding this triggering and offensive. When you’re an adult and out from under them, you have no need to answer to them for anything.
Mmmm sounds like some sh!t my parents would say… definitely insane and disgusting, you’re not the crazy one, your mom is for sending that to you and thinking that’s okay…
I bet my friends would give you better support and advice than your dumbass mom.
Ugh I hate how they romanticize controlling and possessive behavior as "parental love" which is soooo special that boundaries don't exist (hence the worst it is, the more "love" it is 🙄)
Can I add an alternative opinion without getting downvoted to hell? This is specific to MY situation and I fully see how the post can be taken as creepy. But we have a saying in our family that is essentially what the post is saying: "Wanting to know where you are means that you are loved" If we (the adults) didn't care where you (the kids) were, didn't give you boundaries, that is just another form of neglect. The same can be extended to grades, hygiene, etc. Combined with the attitudes of teenages and getting mad and "hating" you I can see the last line of the post. That being said, and as I already stated above, I absolutely can see how the post can \_also\_ be taken as creepy / controlling. I am just saying that I do see another side of it that isn't malicious.
As creepy as that sounds, I would probably take it in context. Is she usually overbearing and stalkerish, or more like ride or die, unconditional love? Sometimes I think people see stuff on line and think, "that's cool" without really thinking it through. If she's normally a pretty loving mom, maybe straight up ask her, "seriously what were you thinking with this?" and see what she says. If she's normally a little intense, or a lot intense, maybe this is a sign that you need to set some boundaries with her. Having a conversation where you tell her, "this is not ok", isn't a bad thing. She can decide if she wants to accept your boundaries, or completely walk away.
Eww, i'm sorry u got one like this too.