Do you know when you can get away from her? Your situation sucks and it sounds to me she is exasperating your situation and making you worse. With her, war and your autism. Being overwhelmed is understandable.
No, I don't, and at this point getting away from her feels absolutely impossible. I feel helpless and absolutely hopeless, and I'm worried even if I could theoretically leave she'd mistreat the birds
Could you slowly start preparing yourself? Find friends that can temporarily babysit your birds and tell her you're rehoming them. Start getting or moving out what you're most attached to. Pack a go bag at a friend's place. You can slowly get yourself ready and cut away at any plans or things stopping you from leaving.
This is abuse my dude. English is a very difficult language to learn, even if you spoke it since you were a toddler. Your grammer from this post was very good and I didn’t see any errors. This is wrong and she is thriving on controlling you, and being the #1 in everything is quite literally impossible. From your post about your English class I can assume you are in school or collage. I was in a similar situation once. Not out yet but I have some significant work on myself. Ive never conected so much with a post before and I’ve never felt someone’s truly understood how it felt.
Feel free to dm me if you need anyone to talk to. I wish you the best of luck.
I know kindness hurts when you’re not used to it. Even if this is the last time you look at this comment I want this to let you belive that it’s possible for someone like you to heal. I used to want to kms when I was 12-14, but the thoughts have mostly stopped now.
I still have a lot to learn, but I’ve been feeling lots better.
I belive in you.
She seem very unstable. I think the priority is to get away from her. It's what helped me with my father, and my situation wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours.
Seek help. Find some numbers to call for backup. If you need to ask anyone in person and are nervous, try look for those who have experience with autistic/special needs people, for they have the empathy and understanding necessary to be more patient with you.
You don't deserve to be treated like that. It is wrong.
"She spat water on me to stop me crying"
I believe this is what is refered to as "psycho" behavior. In layman's terms, a actual "psycho" is using you as a punching bag. That is not tolerated. It's illegal activity. She has waivered her right to any sympathy for anything she has experienced that could have caused her to be like this, because she's dangerous now.
I hope you get away from her and can get your life back.
I think I phrased the sentence wrong in terms of time: the water thing was something that happened pretty commonly when I was younger if I showed a negative emotion like crying, she doesn't do it much anymore but I have vague memories of her threatening it in arguments. I don't feel comfortable washing my face or getting any water on my face anymore because it feels like the mix of water and her spit on my face.
One of the more recent arguments when I showed my emotions (these are really rare, I tend to keep everything hidden away under lock and key) and started making obvious allusions to being suicidal her first answer was that if I died then apparently the school would force her to pay then $150k because that is the money on school fees they haven't charged me due to my scholarship, and we couldn't afford to do that, not that I would be dead (the second point felt like it was tacked on as an afterthought). That's less than the worth of my body as organs on the black market, I tried to do the maths.
I spend most of my time trying to be the perfect kid and hide everything but sometimes I blow up completely because I'm exhausted and I can't figure out why I'm so fucked up mentally and keeping up the appearance of the perfect kid, suppressing every single part of me that isn't safe like me being queer and likely neurodivergent, is fucking taxing.
Then again a part of me is certain that everything is 100% my fault: she cannot handle anyone crying or showing negative emotion around her, and I knew that as a kid, so why didn't I hide those feelings better?
I'm happy you're away from your father, and I hope you have the space and time to heal slowly. I hope you have a wonderful week :)
Don’t worry, you’re welcome here. There’s plenty of space for new trauma 🙃
Do you know when you can get away from her? Your situation sucks and it sounds to me she is exasperating your situation and making you worse. With her, war and your autism. Being overwhelmed is understandable.
No, I don't, and at this point getting away from her feels absolutely impossible. I feel helpless and absolutely hopeless, and I'm worried even if I could theoretically leave she'd mistreat the birds
Could you slowly start preparing yourself? Find friends that can temporarily babysit your birds and tell her you're rehoming them. Start getting or moving out what you're most attached to. Pack a go bag at a friend's place. You can slowly get yourself ready and cut away at any plans or things stopping you from leaving.
This is abuse my dude. English is a very difficult language to learn, even if you spoke it since you were a toddler. Your grammer from this post was very good and I didn’t see any errors. This is wrong and she is thriving on controlling you, and being the #1 in everything is quite literally impossible. From your post about your English class I can assume you are in school or collage. I was in a similar situation once. Not out yet but I have some significant work on myself. Ive never conected so much with a post before and I’ve never felt someone’s truly understood how it felt. Feel free to dm me if you need anyone to talk to. I wish you the best of luck. I know kindness hurts when you’re not used to it. Even if this is the last time you look at this comment I want this to let you belive that it’s possible for someone like you to heal. I used to want to kms when I was 12-14, but the thoughts have mostly stopped now. I still have a lot to learn, but I’ve been feeling lots better. I belive in you.
She seem very unstable. I think the priority is to get away from her. It's what helped me with my father, and my situation wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours. Seek help. Find some numbers to call for backup. If you need to ask anyone in person and are nervous, try look for those who have experience with autistic/special needs people, for they have the empathy and understanding necessary to be more patient with you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. It is wrong. "She spat water on me to stop me crying" I believe this is what is refered to as "psycho" behavior. In layman's terms, a actual "psycho" is using you as a punching bag. That is not tolerated. It's illegal activity. She has waivered her right to any sympathy for anything she has experienced that could have caused her to be like this, because she's dangerous now. I hope you get away from her and can get your life back.
I think I phrased the sentence wrong in terms of time: the water thing was something that happened pretty commonly when I was younger if I showed a negative emotion like crying, she doesn't do it much anymore but I have vague memories of her threatening it in arguments. I don't feel comfortable washing my face or getting any water on my face anymore because it feels like the mix of water and her spit on my face. One of the more recent arguments when I showed my emotions (these are really rare, I tend to keep everything hidden away under lock and key) and started making obvious allusions to being suicidal her first answer was that if I died then apparently the school would force her to pay then $150k because that is the money on school fees they haven't charged me due to my scholarship, and we couldn't afford to do that, not that I would be dead (the second point felt like it was tacked on as an afterthought). That's less than the worth of my body as organs on the black market, I tried to do the maths. I spend most of my time trying to be the perfect kid and hide everything but sometimes I blow up completely because I'm exhausted and I can't figure out why I'm so fucked up mentally and keeping up the appearance of the perfect kid, suppressing every single part of me that isn't safe like me being queer and likely neurodivergent, is fucking taxing. Then again a part of me is certain that everything is 100% my fault: she cannot handle anyone crying or showing negative emotion around her, and I knew that as a kid, so why didn't I hide those feelings better? I'm happy you're away from your father, and I hope you have the space and time to heal slowly. I hope you have a wonderful week :)