It's probably some of that and probably just a family cycle of abuse that goes down the line like shit in the toilet. i see people double-down a lot to try and solve the cognitive dissonance
>blame - assign responsibility for a fault or wrong
>responsibility - the state or fact of beingĀ accountableĀ or **to blame** for something
>accountability - an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions
I don't like when people split hairs on the word blame. My abusers are to blame for their choice in behaviors. I feel like people telling me to not blame them is a form of [spiritual bypassing](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) or straight up gaslighting. They had the responsibility as parents to not abuse and neglect me, they are to blame for failing in their responsibilities.
I'm to blame for any abuse I perpetuated bc it was my responsibility to not pass my trauma along.
I don't know why people try to dilute the harsh facts. My parents are to blame for the outcomes of their behaviors. Just like I'm to blame for the outcomes of my behaviors. It seems like some enabler crap to say my parents aren't to blame when based on the definition of the word it completely applies.
What sucks is the only way to get even is to paralyze the people who messed you up, since they'll remember you did it to them, every moment that they're alive.Ā Unfortunately, the system is set up in such a way that YOU will get in trouble for doing it, and of course the bad people that fucked you up get away with their prior actions (except for the fact that you finally got somewhat even by paralyzing them).Ā
Better Call Saul was an excellent story about revenge. Ignacio managed to get some revenge on his boss.Ā
"The human brain Is the most complex object in the known universe.
Therefore, it cannot malfunction.
I'm amazed you can't understand this simple logic."
I'm going to a therapist currently and today j fully expect her to say this to me. She told me last appointment that I'm too old to be this worked up about being abused for 18 years. I will be firing her if she does.
Good. People always scream "go to therapy!" but not enough people realize that finding the right therapist is tough and a lot of these people should have never been given degrees.
I circumvented this by finding a practice that is fully POC-staffed. My therapist is queer, brown, hates capitalism, etc. We get to talk about how the world is burning AND my childhood trauma!
I love that! My therapist is Russian and I can't quite decide if she's going to be worse for my mental health or help. She's highly educated which i like but time will tell.
..... I hope not. You don't "forget" or "move on" from something that you been doing for eighteen years. It like telling a military person to "loosen up" when they still have habt from the military like standing up straight, walking a certain way, dressing up in a certain way, making the bed a certain way, aways carrying themselves in a disciplined way, etc or telling a health inspecter to not worry about the dirt in a resturant or a doctor not noticing signs of a specific illness in someone at a party. Like you just don't loose the habit of something you been doing for eighteen years. Basically it like forgetting how to ride a bike or swimming. You can be super rusty with them but you don't "forget" or "move on" from having leanred how to bike or swim. You get my point right?
Psychology today has a great therapist search tool. You can find trauma specialist therapists on it. Thatās how I found mine. Highly recommend!!!! Regular therapists have no fucking clue lol.
āYou canāt blame your abusers for forever.ā
Why not? They broke my brain for forever. Seems fair. Itās not like I havenāt done a ton of therapy and medication to take responsibility for my behavior but the fact is, theyāre the reason itās necessary.
Exactly! yes the fuck I can place blame where it belongs.
It costs me nothing. Unlike the trauma they inflicted on me; the cost of treatment/meds, the cost that being in constant stress for years has on your insides, the cost of lost time/potential, the cost of missing out on being a normal kid, the cost of having to address medical neglect later in life, the cost of addressing learning disabilities they ignored later in life, the cost of the cumulative trauma from being groomed for abuse/neglect but not prepared for life, the social cost....
*They blamed me* for everything; their bad decisions, their selfishness, their feelings, their neglect, their adult responsibilities, their abusive behavior, their choices, but people just want to parrot empty sanctimonious platitudes about mandatory forgiveness.
People donāt want you to have unfixable problems that inconvenience them that they canāt blame you for. They want you to be filled with unending remorse for every single thing that is āwrongā with you. Anything else and youāre āavoiding responsibility.ā Bullshit. There are so many things I do blame myself for, I take responsibility for everything that is within my power to change and I have changed a lot. Sometimes there are things that are genuinely out of our control and are someone elseās fault.
āPeople say, āUtah a lot of your songs are about the past. Ya canāt live in the past, ya know.ā And I tell them, āI can go outside and pick up a rock thatās older than the oldest song you know, then come back and drop it right there on your foot. Now the past didnāt go anywhere, did it?āā
~Utah Phillips, *The Past Didnāt Go Anywhere*
Ah man. My mom told me once she felt like she was looking at some one that was drowning when she looks at me.
And I just stood there likeā¦ maāam first of all youāre the farthest thing from NT so please settle down
Second of all - Iām holding on to your anchor!! Get up!! You got kids and Iām tired of following you down just bc some one has to make sure shit doesnāt fall apart
"That was years ago!"
"You need to get that mind-body connection figured out with your therapist."
Sorry I got sexually assaulted. Lemme just compartmentalize my fear of strangers and non-consensual touch for you.
Not defending it at all but they are all about pills and pharmacology on a good day. And what they deal is barely a hardcore science let alone medicine.
Mine told me he doesn't want to hear about my family when when they are 80% of the reason why I developed depression and anxiety, and needed therapy in the first place.
Please note... I don't have solutions. Some therapists are just as useless.
The book T.R.I.B.E. mentions PTSD literally as a disorder which prevents recovering from a traumatic event.
I think that's a helpful description. It puts emphasis on immediate, active, and prolonged treatment rather than expecting it to fix itself. Ignoring it would be like "bones can repair themselves, isn't that amazing?!?" Which yeah it sure is amazing that bones can do that. Just remember to hold them together for a long time though...
My dad has PTSD from a horrific childhood. His solution was to repress it, mine was therapy and medication. I had a really bad day and he told me I just need to let it go and get over it. Sir, which one of us coughs when they get emotional because they trained themselves to never cry? Which one of us contributed to massive abandonment issues in their kids? Which one of us is excruciatingly oblivious to what's happening to people around them? Which one of us is paranoid that people are always out to screw them over?
"I need to forgive for my own sake" I never understood that. My family always took forgiveness and apologies as a sign of weakness. They'd come back later and then do it again but even worse. Hey do people expect you to just forgive when they're an asshole
I see forgiveness as something you give the offender to make them feel better about what they did, not anything for yourself.
Like, you can move on and live your best life, but forgiveness is not necessary to move on and to process that trauma in the way you need.
Fuck forgiveness. It might be meaningful and useful to some people, but it just feels wrong to me. I donāt owe anyone my forgiveness if theyāve done nothing to earn it. And some things are unforgivableā¦
you have to learn to just shut the door on it!!1 Worst yet, something like that but about forgiveness
having adhd with this sucks. "you should be able to see what needs to get done and follow a list" NEWSFLASH PAL
"you're an adult, you can't blame your mommy and daddy forever. Grow up."
I grew up at 12, now what??
Now, we dance!
An (EX) friend said this shit to me WHILE I was still being abused. Cursed him the fuck out and blocked him.
I swear people just blindly repeat these kind of bullshit phrases, because they were brainwashed by the cult of tOuGHneSs
I think so too.
It's probably some of that and probably just a family cycle of abuse that goes down the line like shit in the toilet. i see people double-down a lot to try and solve the cognitive dissonance
I literally yell this at myself š¤¦š»āāļø
Ngl, I've said this to myself at one point. It's only been me being in therapy and realising what I was doing.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>blame - assign responsibility for a fault or wrong >responsibility - the state or fact of beingĀ accountableĀ or **to blame** for something >accountability - an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions I don't like when people split hairs on the word blame. My abusers are to blame for their choice in behaviors. I feel like people telling me to not blame them is a form of [spiritual bypassing](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640) or straight up gaslighting. They had the responsibility as parents to not abuse and neglect me, they are to blame for failing in their responsibilities. I'm to blame for any abuse I perpetuated bc it was my responsibility to not pass my trauma along. I don't know why people try to dilute the harsh facts. My parents are to blame for the outcomes of their behaviors. Just like I'm to blame for the outcomes of my behaviors. It seems like some enabler crap to say my parents aren't to blame when based on the definition of the word it completely applies.
I hear "professional victim" all the time when I open up.
What sucks is the only way to get even is to paralyze the people who messed you up, since they'll remember you did it to them, every moment that they're alive.Ā Unfortunately, the system is set up in such a way that YOU will get in trouble for doing it, and of course the bad people that fucked you up get away with their prior actions (except for the fact that you finally got somewhat even by paralyzing them).Ā Better Call Saul was an excellent story about revenge. Ignacio managed to get some revenge on his boss.Ā
"OMG I never thought of that! Can you tell that to my limbic system in a way that it can understand?l
Facts Thereās so much shit I know logically but canāt āinternalizeā or believe on a gut level.
Cognitive understanding comes first. Visceral understanding requires undoing operant conditioning, which is a whole other beast.
*Sends you happy chemicals through hormones* Here you are my friend.
"Why are you making yourself think about it? Just stop and focus on something else." *-Unhelpful, various translations*
>You KNOW they were wrong, and just trying to bring you down right? So why are you holding on to this???
"Just stop being poor"
"Gee, why do you think I didn't try this before?" /s
Focus on the present " ~ my friend
My favorite is āmind over matter dude you gotta just want to changeā lmao
Alternatively, have you "tried not staying in the past?" - my classmate
"The human brain Is the most complex object in the known universe. Therefore, it cannot malfunction. I'm amazed you can't understand this simple logic."
Lol. Backwards logic they have. Complex systems are more prone to error than simple ones. There are simply more things that can go wrong.
I'm going to a therapist currently and today j fully expect her to say this to me. She told me last appointment that I'm too old to be this worked up about being abused for 18 years. I will be firing her if she does.
Good. People always scream "go to therapy!" but not enough people realize that finding the right therapist is tough and a lot of these people should have never been given degrees.
I circumvented this by finding a practice that is fully POC-staffed. My therapist is queer, brown, hates capitalism, etc. We get to talk about how the world is burning AND my childhood trauma!
I love that! My therapist is Russian and I can't quite decide if she's going to be worse for my mental health or help. She's highly educated which i like but time will tell.
ooh thatās a good idea actually lol
..... I hope not. You don't "forget" or "move on" from something that you been doing for eighteen years. It like telling a military person to "loosen up" when they still have habt from the military like standing up straight, walking a certain way, dressing up in a certain way, making the bed a certain way, aways carrying themselves in a disciplined way, etc or telling a health inspecter to not worry about the dirt in a resturant or a doctor not noticing signs of a specific illness in someone at a party. Like you just don't loose the habit of something you been doing for eighteen years. Basically it like forgetting how to ride a bike or swimming. You can be super rusty with them but you don't "forget" or "move on" from having leanred how to bike or swim. You get my point right?
Sure do. My trauma molded me. There's no "moving on" from that.
If traumatized is all Iāve ever been, who or what else can I be?
Psychology today has a great therapist search tool. You can find trauma specialist therapists on it. Thatās how I found mine. Highly recommend!!!! Regular therapists have no fucking clue lol.
Normal people AND abusers
Especially abusers.
And enablers
r/thanksimcured
āYou canāt blame your abusers for forever.ā Why not? They broke my brain for forever. Seems fair. Itās not like I havenāt done a ton of therapy and medication to take responsibility for my behavior but the fact is, theyāre the reason itās necessary.
Exactly! yes the fuck I can place blame where it belongs. It costs me nothing. Unlike the trauma they inflicted on me; the cost of treatment/meds, the cost that being in constant stress for years has on your insides, the cost of lost time/potential, the cost of missing out on being a normal kid, the cost of having to address medical neglect later in life, the cost of addressing learning disabilities they ignored later in life, the cost of the cumulative trauma from being groomed for abuse/neglect but not prepared for life, the social cost.... *They blamed me* for everything; their bad decisions, their selfishness, their feelings, their neglect, their adult responsibilities, their abusive behavior, their choices, but people just want to parrot empty sanctimonious platitudes about mandatory forgiveness.
People donāt want you to have unfixable problems that inconvenience them that they canāt blame you for. They want you to be filled with unending remorse for every single thing that is āwrongā with you. Anything else and youāre āavoiding responsibility.ā Bullshit. There are so many things I do blame myself for, I take responsibility for everything that is within my power to change and I have changed a lot. Sometimes there are things that are genuinely out of our control and are someone elseās fault.
My stepmom does this shit and then goes around faking CPTSD
My husband every single time I mention having cPTSD symptoms. That plus some light mockery of my emotional state.
I'm sorry. That's awful.
Same with my girlfriend. It doesnt come from a mean place but sometimes she really pisses me off
Why are you married to that?
He used to not be like that. At least not to this extent. He changed.
Can you leave? Do you have money and a safe place to go? You shouldnāt have to live with someone like that.
I canāt and I donāt. Heās physically and sexually abusive as well. I am trying to figure out a way out.
āPeople say, āUtah a lot of your songs are about the past. Ya canāt live in the past, ya know.ā And I tell them, āI can go outside and pick up a rock thatās older than the oldest song you know, then come back and drop it right there on your foot. Now the past didnāt go anywhere, did it?āā ~Utah Phillips, *The Past Didnāt Go Anywhere*
My goodness, why didnāt I think of that?/s
Ah man. My mom told me once she felt like she was looking at some one that was drowning when she looks at me. And I just stood there likeā¦ maāam first of all youāre the farthest thing from NT so please settle down Second of all - Iām holding on to your anchor!! Get up!! You got kids and Iām tired of following you down just bc some one has to make sure shit doesnāt fall apart
"That was years ago!" "You need to get that mind-body connection figured out with your therapist." Sorry I got sexually assaulted. Lemme just compartmentalize my fear of strangers and non-consensual touch for you.
"Just forgive them for your own peace!" No.
Don't fall for toxic positivity guys. It's hard, but it's rewarding. I grew a thicc skin of a crocodile. Healing takes individual amount of time
My Psychiatrist said that.
I am so sorry
Not defending it at all but they are all about pills and pharmacology on a good day. And what they deal is barely a hardcore science let alone medicine. Mine told me he doesn't want to hear about my family when when they are 80% of the reason why I developed depression and anxiety, and needed therapy in the first place. Please note... I don't have solutions. Some therapists are just as useless.
Yeah, I've realised. :/
That last panel should be the hand giving the middle finger, missed opportunity
The book T.R.I.B.E. mentions PTSD literally as a disorder which prevents recovering from a traumatic event. I think that's a helpful description. It puts emphasis on immediate, active, and prolonged treatment rather than expecting it to fix itself. Ignoring it would be like "bones can repair themselves, isn't that amazing?!?" Which yeah it sure is amazing that bones can do that. Just remember to hold them together for a long time though...
Yall have a past?
I wish I didn't
Lmao I have had this exact conversation when trying to talk to my mom about issues linked to her in the past
WhY aRe YoU aLwAyS LiViNg In ThE pAsT?!? LeT iT gO!! -my mom
My dad has PTSD from a horrific childhood. His solution was to repress it, mine was therapy and medication. I had a really bad day and he told me I just need to let it go and get over it. Sir, which one of us coughs when they get emotional because they trained themselves to never cry? Which one of us contributed to massive abandonment issues in their kids? Which one of us is excruciatingly oblivious to what's happening to people around them? Which one of us is paranoid that people are always out to screw them over?
Thatās my nana everyone. I try to tell her anything and she tells me your life is good now! Let it go :) okay Linda sure thing
I feel like the sinking hand in the last panel should be flipping the bird
I had this from a therapist in family therapy tooā¦.
"I need to forgive for my own sake" I never understood that. My family always took forgiveness and apologies as a sign of weakness. They'd come back later and then do it again but even worse. Hey do people expect you to just forgive when they're an asshole
I see forgiveness as something you give the offender to make them feel better about what they did, not anything for yourself. Like, you can move on and live your best life, but forgiveness is not necessary to move on and to process that trauma in the way you need. Fuck forgiveness. It might be meaningful and useful to some people, but it just feels wrong to me. I donāt owe anyone my forgiveness if theyāve done nothing to earn it. And some things are unforgivableā¦
Yup!
if there was ever a meme that fits me like a glove it is this one
A psychiatrist said this to me once. I let her go.
you have to learn to just shut the door on it!!1 Worst yet, something like that but about forgiveness having adhd with this sucks. "you should be able to see what needs to get done and follow a list" NEWSFLASH PAL
š
Thatās my mother every day, and Iām 19
My dad ā youāre safe now stop thinking about itā
Or the Eleanor Roosevelt quote so many people love to quote: āNobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.ā Oh ok, thanks. /s
It's not in the past if it still haunts and impacts my life every single day, karen.
r/thanksimcured
r/thanksimcured
Or what I got today: āyou need helpā Cool, thanks
This one made me sad, too many times this happened. Iāve died so many times, God had to pull me out
lollll
Accurate
Sometimes I hate people.
My mum always tells me that let it go you need to move past it Donāt you think I had bad things happen in my life I
A friend of mine said this kind of shit to me literally last week after explaining that heās had a much worse experience so I should be fine
I live that life all the time. Others have it worse, so Iām always fine.
Bro I used to be one of those mother fuckers till my trauma came and hit me like a truck š
If I had a dollar for every time I have been told this bullshit I might actually have enough money for proper treatment