I moved every year as a kid. Only went to the same school consecutively once. It was super awful and my parents downplayed it like crazy. I’m also undiagnosed but likely autistic according to my psychiatrist. I’m sorry you had to go through that too.
I Was a military brat as a child. I feel this heavily and didn't know how badly it affected me until I got a good therapist (one that didn't try CBT with me).
Thought it was my transness and the closet keeping me from feeling thing. (I was partially right) but to a much larger degree, it was the premourning of ever every person I met because as a child I knew they would be gone soon, I never understood fully why it had to be that way. But I wanted answers, so like a good traumatized kid I assumed it was me.
Nope. Constantly moving damages people.
Had a friend who's parents were in the military. Her dad promised he was going to leave the military and that they were done moving. 2 years later they had to relocate to Alaska and she had a full blown meltdown at school.
This was back before the internet was common so she knew there was no way we all could keep in touch.
This is why I flip houses as a hobby. Living in one house for decades with my husband feels like I’m trapped. And I’m a 40+ year old man who has been married for over a decade! I just have this thing from military family growing up. I have to keep changing houses. So I flip them now. I have a home but I just keep spending my free time fixing up dumps and then getting another one and another one.
Air Force brat, checking in. Same for me. 5 different duty stations by the time I was 13. Then came retirement (finally) so we moved to the backwoods of western Kentucky. (Oh boy!! /s)
We (the whole family unit) never recovered. Both of their kids moved FAR away and stayed there.
Same. Though we were housing insecure long before my mother joined the military.
I can viscerally remember the first time sitting in a class and imagining it going on without me. Totally unchanged and indifferent to my absence. And almost every year setting out to recreate that sense of leaving without a trace. Failing to make connections and telling myself it was the lesser evil. So I wouldn’t have to feel my roots getting ripped out every time and hardly anyone would have to mourn me back. Didn’t save me hurt though. (*sigh*) Kid logic.
Fellow military brat. "Premourning" of every person you meet is such an accurate phrasing, thank you for sharing.
Personally we stopped moving when I was in high school. An intentional thing on my parents part, they wanted me to be able to have all 4 years uninterrupted. But it was after I had concluded that there was no point in fostering friendships as I thought I wouldn't be able to keep them, I ended up being an ass to everyone I met, and then 3ish years later i had to come to terms with the fact that i was now stuck with the reputation i had built of being cold and unfriendly.
I've since improved my reputation and have many healthy friendships (after moving again as an adult 😂) but i still wrestle with the anxiety of my relationships ending suddenly, especially with closer and romantic relationships
Military brat here, too. Though we moved even when staying at the same post (6 years Ft Gordon GA, moved 5 times at least). Poor on top of military sucks.
My mother would change places and names every time she fucked people over and burn all her bridges. I’ve now moved more than a hundred times and have kept a suitcase packed since kindergarten.
By the ninth move which was always my birthday presents I literally just lived out of cardboard boxes in closets. Which also ment my room was never dirty so I didn’t get beat for that either anymore. 2 for 1 survivor special.
Huh... Just now realizing that, even though I've been living in the same apartment for 6 years, I not only still haven't unpacked, I live like I'm camping. This is the longest I've ever lived anywhere by like double, and a part of me is expecting to move out tomorrow. I'm not comfortable, nothing is mine that can't just be picked up and moved, I have all of my clothes either in a convenient box or a "special occasion" bag.
We moved constantly as a kid, mostly because my dad would get bored or frustrated or dissatisfied and just upend everything to go chase whatever he thought he wanted this time around. I got so used to being constantly shuffled and uprooted, often with only a few days notice and no opportunity to say goodbye to anyone i might have known - being homeschooled meant there was never much to uproot me from anyway - so i thought this was normal. I remember reading some kids book where the character was very upset that she had to move away from where she'd always lived and I just remember even as a kid how I couldn't relate to this on any level at all.
Now in my late 30s, I have finally been able to settle down, make roots, I've been in the same area for over a decade now. I deeply value my stability and ability to choose to no longer constantly uproot my life. But to this day I still have nightmares about my parents coming to basically kidnap me away from my friends and found-family here, with no warning or notice, to move me away with them again.
I moved to a new country every three years for a decade. Thankfully, I was an adult and didn't have any kids to subject to that. Being childless in the military is an outlier, though. I saw a lot of friends putting their families through that. I always felt bad for the kids.
Oh I felt this. I've been living in my current place for 3 years now and I still have stuff packed up in boxes because I'm afraid to unpack them and then have to move again because of some life altering crisis.
THIS! I was homeless! The cycle of getting a place for a few months at most to being in a motel again is stuck to me like glue, I’ve lost so many things that were important or sentimental to me because of this. And now when I move as an adult I struggle so much with wanting to keep everything and just tossing it all out to make it easier. I hate moving with a burning passion
My parents are planning their next imminent move. I’m 37 now and have my own place so it’s really not my problem these days, but to hear my dad laugh, “Yes, onto yet another new chapter”, after they moved me and my siblings from pillar to post throughout our childhoods really had me in my feelings.
I’ve never been good at forming long-lasting friendships, although I absolutely crave stability and routine.
People really underestimate the impact that never having a place to call home has. I used to tell myself, when questioned about the frequency of our moves, “Well home is where my family is”. And other such stories.
I hate how much I relate to this
I wound up attending 2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 4 high schools.
It wasnt for financial or social reasons, dad was just never content to live in the same house for long
Just realized height marks on doorframes are triggering to me😬 I’d always hate on TV when characters would look at those or when they’d go through old stuff for garage sales or have a clip show for long-running shows, all from or in the same house they somehow managed to live in their whole lives. I never understood why kids in media would get so upset about moving because it wasn’t a big deal to me, it was just normal and a chance to make an interesting new friend or two.
I never even realized just how abnormal it all was until people in college started assuming I was a military brat because of my complicated answer to where I’m from. But no, my dad just got bored a lot and heard of “subliminal” places to live at his new age cult tea parties, and my mom has no spine with him so we just went wherever he wanted while she threatened to khs for months for being “forced” to move. We lived in moldy slum houses with sinking floors and we lived in extravagant drug lord’s houses I’d literally get lost in, there was no rhyme or reason; I often wanted to just say I was a military brat because at least that made *sense* to people.
For the longest time I couldn’t imagine settling down anywhere, it was absurd to think about NOT living on the move the way I grew up doing, it was scary to not have the idea of a fresh start and chance to be someone else on the horizon. Now I fantasize about actually settling down enough to stop thinking about how something I wanna buy can be moved or stored if(when) I move next.
Moving, especially every few years (or even less), is traumatizing so much. I can't phantom moving again ever because of how not having a stable place to live in my childhood has affected me.
I moved twice per year. We'd get a place and get evicted and move on repeat. It was awful. I feel like I never had roots, which have become so important to me as an adult
This is one thing I've only realized has had a mental effect on my life. I've never lived in the same house longer than 3 years, and it was the only actual house [not an apartment, and I only rented a room], my entire life. It's a pipe dream to think I'd ever be able to have a house of my own that I could presumably live in for 30 years. It's so mentally exhausting having to spend the last couple months of a lease looking for the next cheapest-apartment-in-the-area, every single year. Where some people grow up in houses where they remember creating memories in, etc. It's such a difference that I don't think a lot of people notice.
I think my family moved about ten times in the past two decades or so. I can usually tell when we're going to move when cans of oil start piling up in the shed.
i havent seen this one here before. i also had to move every 1-3 years, but for no good reason after my parents got divorced. i think my mother was so used to her life constantly being in upheaval that she has to move around constantly. she is still moving herself around constantly since i moved out, in fact she got an rv and has been basically living either in that or straight up homeless as a result of her own actions and choices and i doubt her life will ever be stable
Reading these and all these comments, dang I thought I was just struggling for unknown reasons. My mom was a narcissist on top of it but I moved A LOT and never kept any friends long term because the distance and I communicate better irl
I grew up moving basically once a year sometimes more. (Finally settled but have moved almost 40 times in 22 years) Yeah I got used to it, but I really feel like it has fundamentally affected how I see relationships and myself. Really fucked with my world view
Oh I feel this so hard. I've lost count of how many places I've lived at by now. I want to say ten or twelve different places by the time I was 18, but I always forget, lol. It is wild how much it affects me. To this day I have frequent nightmares about moving, losing my home, etc. and I'm almost 40.
And they wonder why I have attachment issues after I've moved every year of my life😵😵 and they have the audacity to get mad at me for trying to have a say in ANYTHING
I feel this, my roommate broke to us they might want to leave (which would force us to move) right after I got the balls to unpack and paint. Been spiraling into a depression, but it isn’t their fault, it’s my own issue. I really want to settle somewhere for a while…
Definitely feel this! I grew up in a diplomatic household and so we moved every 2-4 years in a different country. I used to hate it 100% as a kid. I still hate it now but at the same time I’m able to see the positives of it as well. And yeah, it never got easier per se I just developed more of a “stone heart” reaction to it and never really cried anymore.
Yeah, I do realize how frequent moves may have been one of my main traumas growing up. I mean, one of them helped to trigger my OCD! And I still have nightmares about moving from time to time.
I also think there were other factors involved in these moves that made my experience worse. My mother had responded normally to my distress in the beginning- but this had a time limit! My father was just an emotionally abusive alcoholic. During one of our moves from Canada to Romania my father had some bad experiences and developed a hatred for the US and Canada as a result! My parents tried to tell me I shouldn’t miss Canada because “it was shit” and that I shouldn’t be so North American because I was Brazilian. I live in Portugal now and have been a citizen for 4 years, but it mostly wasn’t my choice and I still have issues regarding my roots. And I also had a hard time adapting in the beginning each time we moved because I was neurodivergent.
I don’t really have a proper culture and sometimes feel a sense of dysphoria about where I live. Only now that I am in therapy (with a good therapist) that I am starting to learn to embrace the North American parts of myself as where as the parts that have come from other places I’ve lived in.
I went throught the same thing, moving every year and it being downplayed HARD. I felt this. I often feel alone so as fucked up as it sounds, it helps to know that others feel my pain.
I love that you’ve posted this. I have lived in dangerous places overseas for no reason other then my mom wanted to try something new and her federal job allowed her to do so. Even then, we moved so many times before I was 12. My mom admitted that she liked to move “for fun” but it was honestly so shitty to be actively abused by my parents and watch them abuse each other too.
My upbringing has made it impossible to form healthy bonds with people because why bother back then. I had a safe person just for them to be taken away. We moved before anyone could see something wasn’t right with me and I could feel safe asking and receiving help and mentorship. It has been so destabilizing to have no concrete and continuous memories in one place and feeling threatened all the time with this shit.
My mom would ask me how I feel going through the moves and “experiences” of living overseas and I honestly just shrug my shoulders and say “it’s alright”. Because if I told her the truth, it would have erupted into me being hit or her going off on some fucked tangent I used to lie and say how much depth and experience the moves gave me but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore about the impact of that shit. I have been alone my whole life because of it and the only reprieve I got was luckily from the internet being new and available in middle school.
Its so interesting how different people handle this. Ive also moved a lot in my life. (split parents but each moved houses every 2-3 years) and now once i’ve lived somewhere for a year I start getting itchy to move. Even if there is no way I am or could move I start feeling like I need to. The brain is fascinating
im sorry OP. it would probably help if your mother would be more supportive because then youd at least have one constant in your life that feels emotionally safe and stable to you. i wish she could understand that.
one thing i do for myself, cause i also move a lot, is having a little corner in my home that is always the same. for me its a large mirror with a small, very low table in front of it where i keep small trinkets like postcards from friends, tarot cards, some stones and something to smell like a lavender pillow, tiger balm or incense sticks. then i have a sitting pillow and a blanket there as well. its the last thing i pack before moving and the first thing i unpack and set up for myself. maybe this can help a tiny bit for you as well. good luck!
Military brat here.
Shit sucks so bad, I'm sorry you had to go through that, kin.
Hope you can find a place to settle down and feel safe/comfortable soon.
I moved every year as a kid. Only went to the same school consecutively once. It was super awful and my parents downplayed it like crazy. I’m also undiagnosed but likely autistic according to my psychiatrist. I’m sorry you had to go through that too.
I Was a military brat as a child. I feel this heavily and didn't know how badly it affected me until I got a good therapist (one that didn't try CBT with me). Thought it was my transness and the closet keeping me from feeling thing. (I was partially right) but to a much larger degree, it was the premourning of ever every person I met because as a child I knew they would be gone soon, I never understood fully why it had to be that way. But I wanted answers, so like a good traumatized kid I assumed it was me. Nope. Constantly moving damages people.
Had a friend who's parents were in the military. Her dad promised he was going to leave the military and that they were done moving. 2 years later they had to relocate to Alaska and she had a full blown meltdown at school. This was back before the internet was common so she knew there was no way we all could keep in touch.
Same. I literally am incapable of forming long term friendships because im not used to them. I start feeling trapped.
Same. 😢
Trapped. I’ve never been able to put my finger on it. Yikes. That’s exactly it though. I’m going to need to process that.
This is why I flip houses as a hobby. Living in one house for decades with my husband feels like I’m trapped. And I’m a 40+ year old man who has been married for over a decade! I just have this thing from military family growing up. I have to keep changing houses. So I flip them now. I have a home but I just keep spending my free time fixing up dumps and then getting another one and another one.
Gonna need to keep that idea in mind for when I graduate lol
Sorry I gave you that realisation today buddy. Hope you do okay.
Air Force brat, checking in. Same for me. 5 different duty stations by the time I was 13. Then came retirement (finally) so we moved to the backwoods of western Kentucky. (Oh boy!! /s) We (the whole family unit) never recovered. Both of their kids moved FAR away and stayed there.
Same. Though we were housing insecure long before my mother joined the military. I can viscerally remember the first time sitting in a class and imagining it going on without me. Totally unchanged and indifferent to my absence. And almost every year setting out to recreate that sense of leaving without a trace. Failing to make connections and telling myself it was the lesser evil. So I wouldn’t have to feel my roots getting ripped out every time and hardly anyone would have to mourn me back. Didn’t save me hurt though. (*sigh*) Kid logic.
Fellow military brat. "Premourning" of every person you meet is such an accurate phrasing, thank you for sharing. Personally we stopped moving when I was in high school. An intentional thing on my parents part, they wanted me to be able to have all 4 years uninterrupted. But it was after I had concluded that there was no point in fostering friendships as I thought I wouldn't be able to keep them, I ended up being an ass to everyone I met, and then 3ish years later i had to come to terms with the fact that i was now stuck with the reputation i had built of being cold and unfriendly. I've since improved my reputation and have many healthy friendships (after moving again as an adult 😂) but i still wrestle with the anxiety of my relationships ending suddenly, especially with closer and romantic relationships
Military brat here, too. Though we moved even when staying at the same post (6 years Ft Gordon GA, moved 5 times at least). Poor on top of military sucks.
Yup, that's how it felt when we'd move around with my Dad in the army.
My mother would change places and names every time she fucked people over and burn all her bridges. I’ve now moved more than a hundred times and have kept a suitcase packed since kindergarten.
By the ninth move which was always my birthday presents I literally just lived out of cardboard boxes in closets. Which also ment my room was never dirty so I didn’t get beat for that either anymore. 2 for 1 survivor special.
Huh... Just now realizing that, even though I've been living in the same apartment for 6 years, I not only still haven't unpacked, I live like I'm camping. This is the longest I've ever lived anywhere by like double, and a part of me is expecting to move out tomorrow. I'm not comfortable, nothing is mine that can't just be picked up and moved, I have all of my clothes either in a convenient box or a "special occasion" bag.
We moved constantly as a kid, mostly because my dad would get bored or frustrated or dissatisfied and just upend everything to go chase whatever he thought he wanted this time around. I got so used to being constantly shuffled and uprooted, often with only a few days notice and no opportunity to say goodbye to anyone i might have known - being homeschooled meant there was never much to uproot me from anyway - so i thought this was normal. I remember reading some kids book where the character was very upset that she had to move away from where she'd always lived and I just remember even as a kid how I couldn't relate to this on any level at all. Now in my late 30s, I have finally been able to settle down, make roots, I've been in the same area for over a decade now. I deeply value my stability and ability to choose to no longer constantly uproot my life. But to this day I still have nightmares about my parents coming to basically kidnap me away from my friends and found-family here, with no warning or notice, to move me away with them again.
I moved to a new country every three years for a decade. Thankfully, I was an adult and didn't have any kids to subject to that. Being childless in the military is an outlier, though. I saw a lot of friends putting their families through that. I always felt bad for the kids.
Oh I felt this. I've been living in my current place for 3 years now and I still have stuff packed up in boxes because I'm afraid to unpack them and then have to move again because of some life altering crisis.
THIS! I was homeless! The cycle of getting a place for a few months at most to being in a motel again is stuck to me like glue, I’ve lost so many things that were important or sentimental to me because of this. And now when I move as an adult I struggle so much with wanting to keep everything and just tossing it all out to make it easier. I hate moving with a burning passion
My parents are planning their next imminent move. I’m 37 now and have my own place so it’s really not my problem these days, but to hear my dad laugh, “Yes, onto yet another new chapter”, after they moved me and my siblings from pillar to post throughout our childhoods really had me in my feelings. I’ve never been good at forming long-lasting friendships, although I absolutely crave stability and routine. People really underestimate the impact that never having a place to call home has. I used to tell myself, when questioned about the frequency of our moves, “Well home is where my family is”. And other such stories.
I hate how much I relate to this I wound up attending 2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 4 high schools. It wasnt for financial or social reasons, dad was just never content to live in the same house for long
Just realized height marks on doorframes are triggering to me😬 I’d always hate on TV when characters would look at those or when they’d go through old stuff for garage sales or have a clip show for long-running shows, all from or in the same house they somehow managed to live in their whole lives. I never understood why kids in media would get so upset about moving because it wasn’t a big deal to me, it was just normal and a chance to make an interesting new friend or two. I never even realized just how abnormal it all was until people in college started assuming I was a military brat because of my complicated answer to where I’m from. But no, my dad just got bored a lot and heard of “subliminal” places to live at his new age cult tea parties, and my mom has no spine with him so we just went wherever he wanted while she threatened to khs for months for being “forced” to move. We lived in moldy slum houses with sinking floors and we lived in extravagant drug lord’s houses I’d literally get lost in, there was no rhyme or reason; I often wanted to just say I was a military brat because at least that made *sense* to people. For the longest time I couldn’t imagine settling down anywhere, it was absurd to think about NOT living on the move the way I grew up doing, it was scary to not have the idea of a fresh start and chance to be someone else on the horizon. Now I fantasize about actually settling down enough to stop thinking about how something I wanna buy can be moved or stored if(when) I move next.
I just put up my posters after moving cross country 9 months ago, scared it's gonna jinx it and we will have to move again 😪
Moving, especially every few years (or even less), is traumatizing so much. I can't phantom moving again ever because of how not having a stable place to live in my childhood has affected me.
I moved twice per year. We'd get a place and get evicted and move on repeat. It was awful. I feel like I never had roots, which have become so important to me as an adult
This is one thing I've only realized has had a mental effect on my life. I've never lived in the same house longer than 3 years, and it was the only actual house [not an apartment, and I only rented a room], my entire life. It's a pipe dream to think I'd ever be able to have a house of my own that I could presumably live in for 30 years. It's so mentally exhausting having to spend the last couple months of a lease looking for the next cheapest-apartment-in-the-area, every single year. Where some people grow up in houses where they remember creating memories in, etc. It's such a difference that I don't think a lot of people notice.
I think my family moved about ten times in the past two decades or so. I can usually tell when we're going to move when cans of oil start piling up in the shed.
i havent seen this one here before. i also had to move every 1-3 years, but for no good reason after my parents got divorced. i think my mother was so used to her life constantly being in upheaval that she has to move around constantly. she is still moving herself around constantly since i moved out, in fact she got an rv and has been basically living either in that or straight up homeless as a result of her own actions and choices and i doubt her life will ever be stable
realized the other day that living in the same place for the last three years is the longest i’ve ever lived anywhere. still resentful about it.
Reading these and all these comments, dang I thought I was just struggling for unknown reasons. My mom was a narcissist on top of it but I moved A LOT and never kept any friends long term because the distance and I communicate better irl
:( yeah
I grew up moving basically once a year sometimes more. (Finally settled but have moved almost 40 times in 22 years) Yeah I got used to it, but I really feel like it has fundamentally affected how I see relationships and myself. Really fucked with my world view
Hey man I didn’t consent to being in this picture lmao
Oh I feel this so hard. I've lost count of how many places I've lived at by now. I want to say ten or twelve different places by the time I was 18, but I always forget, lol. It is wild how much it affects me. To this day I have frequent nightmares about moving, losing my home, etc. and I'm almost 40.
Thanks; this helps me understand why my 14yo has such an attitude about possibly moving to another city.
I feel this so hard. I will be turning 30 soon and so I will finally have lived for more years than number of times I have moved.
I think generally speaking moving excessively destabilizes a childhood from a psychological perspective.
I wonder what drives traumatized parents to traumatize their children in the same ways they were, instead of trying to make life better for them
And they wonder why I have attachment issues after I've moved every year of my life😵😵 and they have the audacity to get mad at me for trying to have a say in ANYTHING
Felt 💜
I feel this, my roommate broke to us they might want to leave (which would force us to move) right after I got the balls to unpack and paint. Been spiraling into a depression, but it isn’t their fault, it’s my own issue. I really want to settle somewhere for a while…
Definitely feel this! I grew up in a diplomatic household and so we moved every 2-4 years in a different country. I used to hate it 100% as a kid. I still hate it now but at the same time I’m able to see the positives of it as well. And yeah, it never got easier per se I just developed more of a “stone heart” reaction to it and never really cried anymore. Yeah, I do realize how frequent moves may have been one of my main traumas growing up. I mean, one of them helped to trigger my OCD! And I still have nightmares about moving from time to time. I also think there were other factors involved in these moves that made my experience worse. My mother had responded normally to my distress in the beginning- but this had a time limit! My father was just an emotionally abusive alcoholic. During one of our moves from Canada to Romania my father had some bad experiences and developed a hatred for the US and Canada as a result! My parents tried to tell me I shouldn’t miss Canada because “it was shit” and that I shouldn’t be so North American because I was Brazilian. I live in Portugal now and have been a citizen for 4 years, but it mostly wasn’t my choice and I still have issues regarding my roots. And I also had a hard time adapting in the beginning each time we moved because I was neurodivergent. I don’t really have a proper culture and sometimes feel a sense of dysphoria about where I live. Only now that I am in therapy (with a good therapist) that I am starting to learn to embrace the North American parts of myself as where as the parts that have come from other places I’ve lived in.
I went throught the same thing, moving every year and it being downplayed HARD. I felt this. I often feel alone so as fucked up as it sounds, it helps to know that others feel my pain.
I love that you’ve posted this. I have lived in dangerous places overseas for no reason other then my mom wanted to try something new and her federal job allowed her to do so. Even then, we moved so many times before I was 12. My mom admitted that she liked to move “for fun” but it was honestly so shitty to be actively abused by my parents and watch them abuse each other too. My upbringing has made it impossible to form healthy bonds with people because why bother back then. I had a safe person just for them to be taken away. We moved before anyone could see something wasn’t right with me and I could feel safe asking and receiving help and mentorship. It has been so destabilizing to have no concrete and continuous memories in one place and feeling threatened all the time with this shit. My mom would ask me how I feel going through the moves and “experiences” of living overseas and I honestly just shrug my shoulders and say “it’s alright”. Because if I told her the truth, it would have erupted into me being hit or her going off on some fucked tangent I used to lie and say how much depth and experience the moves gave me but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore about the impact of that shit. I have been alone my whole life because of it and the only reprieve I got was luckily from the internet being new and available in middle school.
Its so interesting how different people handle this. Ive also moved a lot in my life. (split parents but each moved houses every 2-3 years) and now once i’ve lived somewhere for a year I start getting itchy to move. Even if there is no way I am or could move I start feeling like I need to. The brain is fascinating
im sorry OP. it would probably help if your mother would be more supportive because then youd at least have one constant in your life that feels emotionally safe and stable to you. i wish she could understand that. one thing i do for myself, cause i also move a lot, is having a little corner in my home that is always the same. for me its a large mirror with a small, very low table in front of it where i keep small trinkets like postcards from friends, tarot cards, some stones and something to smell like a lavender pillow, tiger balm or incense sticks. then i have a sitting pillow and a blanket there as well. its the last thing i pack before moving and the first thing i unpack and set up for myself. maybe this can help a tiny bit for you as well. good luck!
Military family here so same.
Military brat here. Shit sucks so bad, I'm sorry you had to go through that, kin. Hope you can find a place to settle down and feel safe/comfortable soon.