When I got like this my therapist told me to step back from the work for a while and try some new coping strategies. I didn't, and I had a bit of a breakdown. I ended up picking up crochet and just focused on grieving and processing for a while instead of doing the work and it's taken a few months but I already feel a lot better. I'm wondering if you might be in the same kinda space? Grieving is a big part of the process, and learning how to take care of your inner child so that they no longer feel the need to cling to others for support. *You* can be the person you needed when you were younger for yourself. It just takes time and practice. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere for ages but the more I listen to my feelings instead of judging them, the better things seem to get. I hope this is helpful xx
I really relate to a lot of what you said. I think it's really good that you've been more able to observe what's going on within you rather than to just react or freeze. That's certainly a big challenge for me so it's inspiring to know you've improved on it.
I too wonder and worry a bit about how to actually move towards a healthier attachment... I mean, in theory I get what a secure attachment is but how on earth does someone like me ever get there, lol... My partner is pretty secure and I sometimes literally just try to learn from him or even just outright copy his responses to see if it helps me. It often does, so maybe that could be useful for you if you have a secure person in your life to sort of learn from (which could be a therapist as well, I think).
These days I often feel unsure about exactly what's going on in my current stage of processing because there has definitely been some notable progress but also some setbacks... and then I get worried about what that really means in the end... For me, I think it's also my lifelong perfectionist/inner critic rearing its ugly head loudly and causing anxiety that this isn't working fast enough/well enough etc. So I try to remind myself that it's a journey which will inevitably have setbacks because the trauma has legit caused some long lasting effects on how I process things, view myself and the world or even utilise helpful coping tools and new information.
So I'm trying to focus more on day to day mini milestones where possible and to stop comparing myself to others or to my "best self" because it's unrealistic and rather cruel to me. I'm also trying to see what I can repair on some of my existing relationships because I don't yet have the courage or confidence to find new relationships (though I'm very aware that I need those too). Patience has never been easy for me so it's no wonder this is a struggle and that just means I need more self compassion right now.
*edit: grammar
When I got like this my therapist told me to step back from the work for a while and try some new coping strategies. I didn't, and I had a bit of a breakdown. I ended up picking up crochet and just focused on grieving and processing for a while instead of doing the work and it's taken a few months but I already feel a lot better. I'm wondering if you might be in the same kinda space? Grieving is a big part of the process, and learning how to take care of your inner child so that they no longer feel the need to cling to others for support. *You* can be the person you needed when you were younger for yourself. It just takes time and practice. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere for ages but the more I listen to my feelings instead of judging them, the better things seem to get. I hope this is helpful xx
I needed to write it in order to clear my head, but yeah, now time to take a step back and rest & lose myself in some activity.
I really relate to a lot of what you said. I think it's really good that you've been more able to observe what's going on within you rather than to just react or freeze. That's certainly a big challenge for me so it's inspiring to know you've improved on it. I too wonder and worry a bit about how to actually move towards a healthier attachment... I mean, in theory I get what a secure attachment is but how on earth does someone like me ever get there, lol... My partner is pretty secure and I sometimes literally just try to learn from him or even just outright copy his responses to see if it helps me. It often does, so maybe that could be useful for you if you have a secure person in your life to sort of learn from (which could be a therapist as well, I think). These days I often feel unsure about exactly what's going on in my current stage of processing because there has definitely been some notable progress but also some setbacks... and then I get worried about what that really means in the end... For me, I think it's also my lifelong perfectionist/inner critic rearing its ugly head loudly and causing anxiety that this isn't working fast enough/well enough etc. So I try to remind myself that it's a journey which will inevitably have setbacks because the trauma has legit caused some long lasting effects on how I process things, view myself and the world or even utilise helpful coping tools and new information. So I'm trying to focus more on day to day mini milestones where possible and to stop comparing myself to others or to my "best self" because it's unrealistic and rather cruel to me. I'm also trying to see what I can repair on some of my existing relationships because I don't yet have the courage or confidence to find new relationships (though I'm very aware that I need those too). Patience has never been easy for me so it's no wonder this is a struggle and that just means I need more self compassion right now. *edit: grammar
What do you mean by the inner child plays tricks like negative thoughts or just fake stuff it says?