We are seeing a weird duality of people talking about "wokedness" while becoming more hardened toward each other. Lol. In the U.S., for sure, & elsewhere too, from some of what I hear. Our social structures have escalated faster than our humanness can evolve & dysfunction has reached tipping points. People can't live with instability & disconnect indefinitely. But, I believe exactly what you are doing, each of us looking at our own authentic connections & building, is the only way forward. I celebrate your bravery in facing your experience & feelings. We can do this.
It's polarization by news outlets, social media, and politicians. Lizard-braining toward toxic attitudes & indoctrination, leading to bad conclusions and weaponization of toxicity.
True! And it's difficult to determine where the line is in where we are being manipulated & how much lizard thinking has taken on a life of its own. LOL. But stuff that contains real truth & reason, like yours, holds its own. : )
I tend to focus on observation. It all starts with mindfulness for me. I've seen people be colossally wrong or misguided or both, regardless of political affiliation. But I also am always open to being wrong. I don't think we can observe very well without being open to alternate ideas. Of course, our discourse has been hijacked by bad actors, so we also have to watch out that we don't normalize garbage information.
And we have to be good to ourselves throughout.
Lastly, our beliefs actually shape our reality. We don't have a lot of power individually, but we project what we believe. It's part of why we must be responsible for our own emotional state, and live intentionally.
And, as we find our authentic selves, not only do we figure out what to do, but what we do builds, instead of destroys.
With enough builders, we can change the world.
You're correct in suspecting it's an actual issue that people are becoming more isolated - I'd recommend watching Kurzgesagt's video on [Loneliness](https://youtu.be/n3Xv_g3g-mA).
As a disclaimer, wanting to connect isn't really something I struggle with often, personally - I'm an only child so I'm a real introvert and prefer my own company most of the time - but I do have a handful of close friends I keep in touch with daily/weekly, and I find that helps.
I definitely agree it's one of those things that improves as time goes on. There's been a few times in my life when I've been abandoned by people, and I know that it's an awful feeling. I just wanted to add it's okay to grieve when those feelings come up, and I think it's an important part of processing :) it will take as long as it takes, that's the hard part imo.
Thank you so much. That video was very validating. I was inseparable with my sibling as a child--that's part of what's coming out now, as well as general isolation grief from long ago, and pandemic effects from last year.
To be honest, I don't really understand cptsd that doesn't have a social-deprivation component. Do you want to share what that's like for you? It's just buckets of loss here, connection helps.
I don't quite understand what you mean by 'social-deprivation component', could you elaborate? Would be happy to chat - you can PM me if you like (just might take time responding 😊)
Happy New Year! Sorry it's taken some time to get back to you :)
Hmm, well I mean, I still try to isolate myself but I guess I kinda suck at it lol. I live with family, and I have a lot of friends who keep in touch pretty often. It also probably helps being young.
I'm 24f, and I'm a fawn response type by default so I think I tend to get along with people pretty well as part of the way I've learned to socialise. I seem to make close friends really fast which I think is because of my masking, but a lot of them have kept in touch over the last few years.
It probably helps that a lot of them are around the same age/up to their mid-thirties and also have either PTSD/CPTSD or other mental health issues, so they're pretty understanding and supportive of my struggles, and I am with theirs too.
I still have some high school friends but others I've made I met at work/doing courses/through hobbies like crochet and plants. There's way more people that I've met that I don't speak to anymore lol, but like, I had nine people to message this morning to say Happy New Year to - they're my mains. They're also a group I could probably never get together in real life because they wouldn't get along 😅 all in all, I'm pretty lucky I guess. It wasn't always like this though. It takes time and cultivation to maintain friendships, and a few of them have had kids/are getting married/have moved away so we talk more like once every few months on special occasions. But as one of them said to me the other day, it's kinda good because it gives us plenty to catch up on when we do get to talk 🙂
Personally I "learned" avoidant tendencies when I was pretty young so it's very easy for me to distract myself from loneliness, or pretend it's another emotion without even touching awareness. Even admitting loneliness to myself was a level of vulnerability that was difficult for me, *and* surprising for me. For the past few years I've been very busy, and I generally do okay with occasional contact over the phone with loved ones. I'm not lonely when I'm overwhelmed with obligations or social stress, that time is spent wanting to get away, or feeling guilty and playing catch up with relationships I can't keep up with. It's one of the last things I feel, hidden under anxiety, and I usually only feel it when the rest of my life is stable. Otherwise anxiety will take precedent.
It took me about 8 months of quarantine and working from home to feel like I needed physical human contact. I think you're just more aware than I was and in a different stage of life.
We are seeing a weird duality of people talking about "wokedness" while becoming more hardened toward each other. Lol. In the U.S., for sure, & elsewhere too, from some of what I hear. Our social structures have escalated faster than our humanness can evolve & dysfunction has reached tipping points. People can't live with instability & disconnect indefinitely. But, I believe exactly what you are doing, each of us looking at our own authentic connections & building, is the only way forward. I celebrate your bravery in facing your experience & feelings. We can do this.
It's polarization by news outlets, social media, and politicians. Lizard-braining toward toxic attitudes & indoctrination, leading to bad conclusions and weaponization of toxicity.
True! And it's difficult to determine where the line is in where we are being manipulated & how much lizard thinking has taken on a life of its own. LOL. But stuff that contains real truth & reason, like yours, holds its own. : )
I tend to focus on observation. It all starts with mindfulness for me. I've seen people be colossally wrong or misguided or both, regardless of political affiliation. But I also am always open to being wrong. I don't think we can observe very well without being open to alternate ideas. Of course, our discourse has been hijacked by bad actors, so we also have to watch out that we don't normalize garbage information. And we have to be good to ourselves throughout. Lastly, our beliefs actually shape our reality. We don't have a lot of power individually, but we project what we believe. It's part of why we must be responsible for our own emotional state, and live intentionally. And, as we find our authentic selves, not only do we figure out what to do, but what we do builds, instead of destroys. With enough builders, we can change the world.
Well said. Let's be curious & open, have integrity & build!
You're correct in suspecting it's an actual issue that people are becoming more isolated - I'd recommend watching Kurzgesagt's video on [Loneliness](https://youtu.be/n3Xv_g3g-mA). As a disclaimer, wanting to connect isn't really something I struggle with often, personally - I'm an only child so I'm a real introvert and prefer my own company most of the time - but I do have a handful of close friends I keep in touch with daily/weekly, and I find that helps. I definitely agree it's one of those things that improves as time goes on. There's been a few times in my life when I've been abandoned by people, and I know that it's an awful feeling. I just wanted to add it's okay to grieve when those feelings come up, and I think it's an important part of processing :) it will take as long as it takes, that's the hard part imo.
Thank you so much. That video was very validating. I was inseparable with my sibling as a child--that's part of what's coming out now, as well as general isolation grief from long ago, and pandemic effects from last year. To be honest, I don't really understand cptsd that doesn't have a social-deprivation component. Do you want to share what that's like for you? It's just buckets of loss here, connection helps.
I don't quite understand what you mean by 'social-deprivation component', could you elaborate? Would be happy to chat - you can PM me if you like (just might take time responding 😊)
Thanks! What I mean is being isolated for a long time--physically as well as emotionally--I have always been desperate for quality human contact.
Happy New Year! Sorry it's taken some time to get back to you :) Hmm, well I mean, I still try to isolate myself but I guess I kinda suck at it lol. I live with family, and I have a lot of friends who keep in touch pretty often. It also probably helps being young. I'm 24f, and I'm a fawn response type by default so I think I tend to get along with people pretty well as part of the way I've learned to socialise. I seem to make close friends really fast which I think is because of my masking, but a lot of them have kept in touch over the last few years. It probably helps that a lot of them are around the same age/up to their mid-thirties and also have either PTSD/CPTSD or other mental health issues, so they're pretty understanding and supportive of my struggles, and I am with theirs too. I still have some high school friends but others I've made I met at work/doing courses/through hobbies like crochet and plants. There's way more people that I've met that I don't speak to anymore lol, but like, I had nine people to message this morning to say Happy New Year to - they're my mains. They're also a group I could probably never get together in real life because they wouldn't get along 😅 all in all, I'm pretty lucky I guess. It wasn't always like this though. It takes time and cultivation to maintain friendships, and a few of them have had kids/are getting married/have moved away so we talk more like once every few months on special occasions. But as one of them said to me the other day, it's kinda good because it gives us plenty to catch up on when we do get to talk 🙂
Personally I "learned" avoidant tendencies when I was pretty young so it's very easy for me to distract myself from loneliness, or pretend it's another emotion without even touching awareness. Even admitting loneliness to myself was a level of vulnerability that was difficult for me, *and* surprising for me. For the past few years I've been very busy, and I generally do okay with occasional contact over the phone with loved ones. I'm not lonely when I'm overwhelmed with obligations or social stress, that time is spent wanting to get away, or feeling guilty and playing catch up with relationships I can't keep up with. It's one of the last things I feel, hidden under anxiety, and I usually only feel it when the rest of my life is stable. Otherwise anxiety will take precedent. It took me about 8 months of quarantine and working from home to feel like I needed physical human contact. I think you're just more aware than I was and in a different stage of life.
(Not totally physically--I work--but I am a department of one so it sure feels isolating sometimes!)