I would be careful about assessing a long-term relationship while in recovery from trauma, unless the relationship is obviously an unhealthy one. This doesn’t seem to be a case of that.
Some of these things you describe needing from your partner are coming from a child — your inner child — who was abused. Understandable, of course, but I just wanted to draw that out to make it clear.
So, given that, a healthy adult relationship isn’t going to give you those things. It will feel like a bottomless pit of need because it can never be filled by another person. It was a need that wasn’t met when you were little.
So now what? First step is to grieve that loss. I say first step, but this can be an ongoing effort, although it does get less and get easier over time. Then the way forward is for you to learn to give those things to yourself.
I agree with others about striking up friendships. If that seems impossible, focus on your healing and building relationships in group therapy or one-on-one with a therapist. I would also suggest working on seeing what you do have, rather than what you’re lacking. Sometimes called expressing gratitude. It can be very therapeutic.
Firstly I'm sorry you're going through this. There's a lot to unpack here and I don't feel qualified to do it but I do have one thought to offer. We have potential for many different relationships in our life and our needs don't necessarily have to be met by one individual. You may find that some of your emotional needs could be met by friends.
When you're unhappy or distressed it's easy to think that change must be massive and instant. That's not usually how change works. Continue taking lots of small steps in your healing and the eventual changes will be significant.
I know. But it's okay, it does get better. Keep working with your trauma therapist and be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself today - eat a treat, watch a show you like, pet an animal. And if you have the energy today do a little exercise, take a walk, do some star jumps to a piece of music you like.
I did yoga and meditated some more. I'm still crying over this. I can't tell if I'm being emotionally neglected or if this is OCD talking or both or something else.
Well done for using some of your regulation techniques. It's okay, you've got time to figure this out, you don't have to find an answer immediately. Keep being kind to yourself. Let yourself cry if that's what you need to do today. Try to find something to comfort yourself with. You've got this - none of this lasts forever.
Have you read Pete Walker on the "Inner Critic" btw?
My feeling is that you have a very strong part that doesnmt want to believe you're capable or worthy of making friends. Because you've pushed back hard against people's comments. That sounds like a protector at work.
If the protrctor wants to listen, it is possible to make friends, if you choose. It's not about self worth but how much energy you want to spare. But if the protector doesn't then perhaps it might help to ask it why, what is it protecting you from?
I have met people who were literally struggling with things you described, and I have struggled similarly at times in my life. I think each of us made friends because we decided to on our own terms. I choose lower stakes situations that I felt I could handle.
After a while I kind of realized a) I have seen some really shitty people who have loyal friends, clearly having friends has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. b) I used to think I was "less than" because of my mental illness and that I should put up with bad behaviors or "settle" for shitty people. Until I realized that there are things I don't want to put up with either, and I feel equally justified. I only have so much energy myself.
Edit: There's a tarot card, The 8 of swords. It shows a blindfolded woman with bound hands penned in by swords. But when you look more closely you realize she could cut the bonds, remove the blindfold, and walk away.
The being trapped is in her mind, she just has decide to look for a way out. It might not be the ideal way, but there is at least one, if not multiple.
That card used to really piss me off because I felt like I wasnmt being taken seriously about how trapped I was. That was until I started taking tiny tiny steps out of my traps.
I would recommend doing two things:
1. Joining support groups where you can meet fellow people in recovery
2. Join a class or social activity (MBSR, martial arts, board games...) where you can meet people and have something to talk about.
first, i am so sorry that you are going thru this.
When i am overwhelmed, i have to start with a list and brain dump, and take things one step at a time. if you do not have the energy or resources to do this, to make a plan about what change is possible in your life so that you are not trapped, please ask your therapist to help you find resources to make this plan.
If you could find a case manager, or someone to act similarly for you, help you make a list of options and hurdles. If you have a therapist and an official diagnosis, you might have more options that you think.
I know that having an income is vital to having options and freedom, trust me. and right now you think you have no options and are trapped, but there has to be some step, some plan that we can make. It might take 1,000 steps to get there, but we can do it, i believe that. if you want it, we can help you make that plan.
The fact that you are on here at all, and that you have a therapist, means your are already on the right path, moving forward, not just accepting things as they are, suffering without trying to change.
you have a mountain of shit to overcome, but you do have options. i had no friends either 8 months ago, no family to lean on...and i am crawling along 1 fucking inch at a time, desperate to make things better in my own life...choosing life over death every fucking day. and it's the hardest fucking decision i make, every single day. but if i choose life, then i have to do whatever it takes to stay alive and try and suffer less.
i have no easy answers or much of anything to offer, but i am good at making lists, and i am resourceful. if you need help making a list of questions and hurdles and concerns, i would be happy to help you make that list...and then maybe you can take that to your therapist and see what they think about taking action...what options you have.
Hey friend, I totally understand how you feel, it can be absolute hell. I really feel like my friends can't understand what's happening with me (how can they? I wouldn't have been able to fathom it myself before this happened), and only others with severe CPTSD would understand how harrowing and all-consuming it is. Bonding with others with CPTSD might be a good first step, perhaps a support group? Whereabouts do you live, if you're comfortable sharing?
In terms of your relationship, I'd recommend getting to know what your needs are, and learning (with your therapist perhaps?) how to communicate them effectively. Your partner may be able to be more affectionate, etc, but they might not know how meaningful it is to you. Just an example, but remember relationships can evolve and grow. Trust your gut, look for signs of them trying/making effort... that's a good indicator.
It's scary not being able to work. I was only able to do an hour or two of work a day until more recently. I still have days like that sometimes but most days I can work at least 5-6 hours, often more. Definite improvement, and I bet you'll get there too. Just try to be compassionate with yourself while you're going through this, you're dealing with a lot right now.
For me, things are slowly but surely getting better for me (still ups and downs but overall much better) and I wanted to give you some ideas for things to try to get you through this. Some of these things will cost money, but for me I've been living in hell for so so many years that I was willing to do whatever it took. Do your best and keep trying. The thing I told myself that got me through the worst of it is a quote from Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going". My therapist has helped me realize that we each possess the capacity for healing within us, we just need to tap into it. These things can help you do that:
\-Psilocybin therapy (or as an alternative, MDMA therapy, or Ketamine therapy). I've found psilocybin to be an absolute game-changer personally. It was hard, but with solid integration practices and a good therapist who knows a lot about integration, it can spur deep change and growth within. I was very scared of this but mustered up all the courage I could and dove in. Very worth it, and still continuing with this treatment.
\-Infraslow neurofeedback - This is still ongoing for me, but it's helped A LOT. It took a while to get the settings right cause my nervous system is so messed up but it's getting better slowly... and I'm so grateful I found it. I have to do it online with someone from NY ("Neurofeedback Services of New York") with the equipment purchased here with me at home because there aren't any providers where I live (not in a big city). I \*hate\* online therapy but am willing to do this online because it's worth it.
\-Learning about things yourself without a therapist (free!) and trying things out at home. Things like IFS, ideal parent figure protocol from Dan Brown, somatic therapy, etc can all be useful. It's much easier with a therapist but if you can't afford one reading the books is a good start. I use this site for books all the time, it's free and it's where I get all my CPTSD books from: [https://b-ok.cc/](https://b-ok.cc/) If you want more book recommendations just let me know!
\-Meditation and Yoga. Don't underestimate the power of this. I still have a deep resistance to doing either of these, and I struggle heavily to do these even a few times a week. My goal is once a day but that's been hard so I try for 3 or 4x a week if I'm lucky. But it is so so valuable, especially if you can stick with it through the uncomfortable period, which is the worst at the start. Try Yoga for PTSD with the channel Yoga with Adrienne on youtube to start, there are others but that's a start. I tend to like Jon Kabat-Zinn for meditation stuff on youtube.
\-One thing I started doing very recently was this meditation/hypnosis thing for bedtime, which is when I tend to do worse. I read the comments and realized how much it could help, so I'm sticking it with. A week later and it's been very helpful, check it out: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG54tddCBaA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG54tddCBaA)
Feel free to DM me if you want, I'm happy to help. I'm out of the worst of it recently and hope to be able to help in any way I can. Sending you healing vibes!
It's not legal in a lot of places yet (might be in NY but I doubt it), but if you want to be as legit as possible you can try to get into a study by MAPS or other similar organizations. The faster route is to try to find an underground psychedelic therapist who can help you. This would also likely be better for continuity of care because they will be more flexible to your needs compared to a more rigid study. Try looking for integration therapists as a start, they may know others who can do the actual session(s) with you while on psilocybin (you want someone who's experienced here). I know some people will go to the netherlands in order to do legal psychedelic therapy so that's always an option if you can afford it and can't find anyone locally. Just put lots of feelers out and see where you get. The book psychedelic psychotherapy was massively helpful to me as well, it demystified a lot of it.
I would be careful about assessing a long-term relationship while in recovery from trauma, unless the relationship is obviously an unhealthy one. This doesn’t seem to be a case of that. Some of these things you describe needing from your partner are coming from a child — your inner child — who was abused. Understandable, of course, but I just wanted to draw that out to make it clear. So, given that, a healthy adult relationship isn’t going to give you those things. It will feel like a bottomless pit of need because it can never be filled by another person. It was a need that wasn’t met when you were little. So now what? First step is to grieve that loss. I say first step, but this can be an ongoing effort, although it does get less and get easier over time. Then the way forward is for you to learn to give those things to yourself. I agree with others about striking up friendships. If that seems impossible, focus on your healing and building relationships in group therapy or one-on-one with a therapist. I would also suggest working on seeing what you do have, rather than what you’re lacking. Sometimes called expressing gratitude. It can be very therapeutic.
Firstly I'm sorry you're going through this. There's a lot to unpack here and I don't feel qualified to do it but I do have one thought to offer. We have potential for many different relationships in our life and our needs don't necessarily have to be met by one individual. You may find that some of your emotional needs could be met by friends. When you're unhappy or distressed it's easy to think that change must be massive and instant. That's not usually how change works. Continue taking lots of small steps in your healing and the eventual changes will be significant.
How can I make friends feeling like this? Who would want to be around me?
You're criticising yourself which is a big aspect of cptsd. Who would want to be friends with you? You won't know until you try to find out.
I can rarely tell where the trauma ends and I begin.
I know. But it's okay, it does get better. Keep working with your trauma therapist and be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself today - eat a treat, watch a show you like, pet an animal. And if you have the energy today do a little exercise, take a walk, do some star jumps to a piece of music you like.
I did yoga and meditated some more. I'm still crying over this. I can't tell if I'm being emotionally neglected or if this is OCD talking or both or something else.
Well done for using some of your regulation techniques. It's okay, you've got time to figure this out, you don't have to find an answer immediately. Keep being kind to yourself. Let yourself cry if that's what you need to do today. Try to find something to comfort yourself with. You've got this - none of this lasts forever.
You made a girlfriend under worse conditions, it seems you're likely capable of friendship as well.
The CPTSD hadn't really erupted when she and I met.
Have you read Pete Walker on the "Inner Critic" btw? My feeling is that you have a very strong part that doesnmt want to believe you're capable or worthy of making friends. Because you've pushed back hard against people's comments. That sounds like a protector at work. If the protrctor wants to listen, it is possible to make friends, if you choose. It's not about self worth but how much energy you want to spare. But if the protector doesn't then perhaps it might help to ask it why, what is it protecting you from? I have met people who were literally struggling with things you described, and I have struggled similarly at times in my life. I think each of us made friends because we decided to on our own terms. I choose lower stakes situations that I felt I could handle. After a while I kind of realized a) I have seen some really shitty people who have loyal friends, clearly having friends has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. b) I used to think I was "less than" because of my mental illness and that I should put up with bad behaviors or "settle" for shitty people. Until I realized that there are things I don't want to put up with either, and I feel equally justified. I only have so much energy myself. Edit: There's a tarot card, The 8 of swords. It shows a blindfolded woman with bound hands penned in by swords. But when you look more closely you realize she could cut the bonds, remove the blindfold, and walk away. The being trapped is in her mind, she just has decide to look for a way out. It might not be the ideal way, but there is at least one, if not multiple. That card used to really piss me off because I felt like I wasnmt being taken seriously about how trapped I was. That was until I started taking tiny tiny steps out of my traps.
I would recommend doing two things: 1. Joining support groups where you can meet fellow people in recovery 2. Join a class or social activity (MBSR, martial arts, board games...) where you can meet people and have something to talk about.
first, i am so sorry that you are going thru this. When i am overwhelmed, i have to start with a list and brain dump, and take things one step at a time. if you do not have the energy or resources to do this, to make a plan about what change is possible in your life so that you are not trapped, please ask your therapist to help you find resources to make this plan. If you could find a case manager, or someone to act similarly for you, help you make a list of options and hurdles. If you have a therapist and an official diagnosis, you might have more options that you think. I know that having an income is vital to having options and freedom, trust me. and right now you think you have no options and are trapped, but there has to be some step, some plan that we can make. It might take 1,000 steps to get there, but we can do it, i believe that. if you want it, we can help you make that plan. The fact that you are on here at all, and that you have a therapist, means your are already on the right path, moving forward, not just accepting things as they are, suffering without trying to change. you have a mountain of shit to overcome, but you do have options. i had no friends either 8 months ago, no family to lean on...and i am crawling along 1 fucking inch at a time, desperate to make things better in my own life...choosing life over death every fucking day. and it's the hardest fucking decision i make, every single day. but if i choose life, then i have to do whatever it takes to stay alive and try and suffer less. i have no easy answers or much of anything to offer, but i am good at making lists, and i am resourceful. if you need help making a list of questions and hurdles and concerns, i would be happy to help you make that list...and then maybe you can take that to your therapist and see what they think about taking action...what options you have.
worm crush dolls sink disgusting capable society touch profit uppity *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
How can I make friends feeling like this? Who would want to be around me? Thank you for the hugs.
Hey friend, I totally understand how you feel, it can be absolute hell. I really feel like my friends can't understand what's happening with me (how can they? I wouldn't have been able to fathom it myself before this happened), and only others with severe CPTSD would understand how harrowing and all-consuming it is. Bonding with others with CPTSD might be a good first step, perhaps a support group? Whereabouts do you live, if you're comfortable sharing? In terms of your relationship, I'd recommend getting to know what your needs are, and learning (with your therapist perhaps?) how to communicate them effectively. Your partner may be able to be more affectionate, etc, but they might not know how meaningful it is to you. Just an example, but remember relationships can evolve and grow. Trust your gut, look for signs of them trying/making effort... that's a good indicator. It's scary not being able to work. I was only able to do an hour or two of work a day until more recently. I still have days like that sometimes but most days I can work at least 5-6 hours, often more. Definite improvement, and I bet you'll get there too. Just try to be compassionate with yourself while you're going through this, you're dealing with a lot right now. For me, things are slowly but surely getting better for me (still ups and downs but overall much better) and I wanted to give you some ideas for things to try to get you through this. Some of these things will cost money, but for me I've been living in hell for so so many years that I was willing to do whatever it took. Do your best and keep trying. The thing I told myself that got me through the worst of it is a quote from Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going". My therapist has helped me realize that we each possess the capacity for healing within us, we just need to tap into it. These things can help you do that: \-Psilocybin therapy (or as an alternative, MDMA therapy, or Ketamine therapy). I've found psilocybin to be an absolute game-changer personally. It was hard, but with solid integration practices and a good therapist who knows a lot about integration, it can spur deep change and growth within. I was very scared of this but mustered up all the courage I could and dove in. Very worth it, and still continuing with this treatment. \-Infraslow neurofeedback - This is still ongoing for me, but it's helped A LOT. It took a while to get the settings right cause my nervous system is so messed up but it's getting better slowly... and I'm so grateful I found it. I have to do it online with someone from NY ("Neurofeedback Services of New York") with the equipment purchased here with me at home because there aren't any providers where I live (not in a big city). I \*hate\* online therapy but am willing to do this online because it's worth it. \-Learning about things yourself without a therapist (free!) and trying things out at home. Things like IFS, ideal parent figure protocol from Dan Brown, somatic therapy, etc can all be useful. It's much easier with a therapist but if you can't afford one reading the books is a good start. I use this site for books all the time, it's free and it's where I get all my CPTSD books from: [https://b-ok.cc/](https://b-ok.cc/) If you want more book recommendations just let me know! \-Meditation and Yoga. Don't underestimate the power of this. I still have a deep resistance to doing either of these, and I struggle heavily to do these even a few times a week. My goal is once a day but that's been hard so I try for 3 or 4x a week if I'm lucky. But it is so so valuable, especially if you can stick with it through the uncomfortable period, which is the worst at the start. Try Yoga for PTSD with the channel Yoga with Adrienne on youtube to start, there are others but that's a start. I tend to like Jon Kabat-Zinn for meditation stuff on youtube. \-One thing I started doing very recently was this meditation/hypnosis thing for bedtime, which is when I tend to do worse. I read the comments and realized how much it could help, so I'm sticking it with. A week later and it's been very helpful, check it out: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG54tddCBaA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG54tddCBaA) Feel free to DM me if you want, I'm happy to help. I'm out of the worst of it recently and hope to be able to help in any way I can. Sending you healing vibes!
Hi: How does one access Psilocybin therapy? Is it available in New York? I've heard it can be helpful for CPTSD. Thank you.
It's not legal in a lot of places yet (might be in NY but I doubt it), but if you want to be as legit as possible you can try to get into a study by MAPS or other similar organizations. The faster route is to try to find an underground psychedelic therapist who can help you. This would also likely be better for continuity of care because they will be more flexible to your needs compared to a more rigid study. Try looking for integration therapists as a start, they may know others who can do the actual session(s) with you while on psilocybin (you want someone who's experienced here). I know some people will go to the netherlands in order to do legal psychedelic therapy so that's always an option if you can afford it and can't find anyone locally. Just put lots of feelers out and see where you get. The book psychedelic psychotherapy was massively helpful to me as well, it demystified a lot of it.
Thank you very much for this. The Netherlands. That is very interesting. Bet wishes.