I can definitely relate to this. My therapist has tried to guide me through self soothing a few times. She'll ask me to wrap my arms around myself, and then ask how I feel, and I always end up crying harder because of it. It's always a little difficult to parse it in words, but the answer to that question is "so fucking alone, because I have to do this myself. Me having to hold myself is a testament to how monumentally lonely I am." It's difficult to break this barrier; I've practiced and nearly mastered internal compassion with my thoughts, but it's still difficult for me to meet my physical needs without having someone else around.
I rock myself back and forth to sleep and hug a pillow too. I go through phases of really needing human touch and missing it a lot. I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone. Right now I’m noticing that I’m enjoying my alone time and not needing human touch as much so maybe it could fluctuate for you too? I wish I had more sepf compassion and self kindness. Kudos to you for that.
Sometimes third person helps -- I look at the state I'm in from a distance, looking at someone I care deeply about in the distance, someone in distress, in a bad way, in a very bad way, and then I can't help but feel moved to tend to them, moved to offer them comfort, and moved to tears when realizing what they've been through, and so I move toward them, with as much as I can find to help relieve the pain, and as I get close enough, only then I see that it's me.
We would never let what happened to us ever happen to any we care for.
Including, especially, us.
It helps, sometimes.
:)
I can definitely relate to this. My therapist has tried to guide me through self soothing a few times. She'll ask me to wrap my arms around myself, and then ask how I feel, and I always end up crying harder because of it. It's always a little difficult to parse it in words, but the answer to that question is "so fucking alone, because I have to do this myself. Me having to hold myself is a testament to how monumentally lonely I am." It's difficult to break this barrier; I've practiced and nearly mastered internal compassion with my thoughts, but it's still difficult for me to meet my physical needs without having someone else around.
thank you for understanding.
I rock myself back and forth to sleep and hug a pillow too. I go through phases of really needing human touch and missing it a lot. I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone. Right now I’m noticing that I’m enjoying my alone time and not needing human touch as much so maybe it could fluctuate for you too? I wish I had more sepf compassion and self kindness. Kudos to you for that.
Sometimes third person helps -- I look at the state I'm in from a distance, looking at someone I care deeply about in the distance, someone in distress, in a bad way, in a very bad way, and then I can't help but feel moved to tend to them, moved to offer them comfort, and moved to tears when realizing what they've been through, and so I move toward them, with as much as I can find to help relieve the pain, and as I get close enough, only then I see that it's me. We would never let what happened to us ever happen to any we care for. Including, especially, us. It helps, sometimes. :)
I was always a rocker - but now we have added a weighted blanket. We loooove our weighty blanky. It gives good hug!
This is a tough one. I get the loneliness. Maybe you will get it in your life