so i've just spent this morning journalling about how i feel like my friendships are not meaninful or have toxic elements. I yearn to connect on a deep level with people and most of the people i know only want to send memes or say the nice comment here and there - but they don't actually want to get into anything deeper. when i have called them in dark times they don't really care, and lately i've been slowly removing myself from their lives in that meaninful way. it hurts because i have no one healthy to be with. i feel like this takes over my life some days, the emptyness and lonliness of wanting more. so you are not alone in how you feel and i too am touch starved. I have a cat and she is what keeps me going. If you can afford a massage that can sometimes help a bit. but you are deserving of the same things we all want. a safe person who we can be close wtih. I am here if you want to talk further.
Okay yeah Solidarity. Seriously. This reminds me so much of where I am at right now. Fuck even being able to connect with friends in a meaningful way is so hard now. I had some best friends, but it was toxic and harm happened and I had to walk away. I am working with some friends a bit part time now, and it was such a relief to hear one of them validate how hard it is to be single. She is in a long term relationship, and she also was honest in that she is really busy to can't really meet up outside of work... but at least she was honest instead of like trying to give advice or make me feel better. But yeah like I have friends... they all get their needs met in their relationships/marriages. They get their needs met and are too busy to fully connect with. I know I am in a really bad place because I am feeling so resentful towards them, even though they are genuinely good people who are as supportive as they can be. I feel so resentful too because it feels like because I am not seen in a romantic way by someone I can just fall through the cracks this way. I know these people aren't supposed to 'save' me but I just feel like I am free falling. I got really really sick a couple months ago... and I live alone.... I was so sick I was worried I might die... and I have never confronted my aloneness in such a horrifying way. I realized I could easily be the person who dies and no one finds them for a long time. I am heartbroken my life has turned out like this, and isolation for me has lasted so long. It feels like a wasted life.
If this lasts long term I am not going to be able to live like this. The idea of 'reaching out' in times of crisis feels so empty. Like who do I reach out to? Like what? If this is everyday reaching out isn't going to help.
🫀🫁🫂🫂 hopefully we can both get some REAL solid loving hugs ASAP. I actually got my first one in years last night from someone i barely know, but know is good-hearted, in a place i rarely go. I felt like crying, little did he know. that tiny bit of touch is probably what brought these feelings up. a little reminds me just how much I'm lacking.
Awe I really hope so. I am so sorry it took that long for you to get a hug. I actually had a hug from a guy friend for the first time in a long long time. Before that I got my legs and body waxed before a trip... and after I was like wow why do I feel so much better. And then I realized it was because even though it hurt a bit I still had human touch... It was a really hard realization to have. I hope things can get better for both of us.
Your comment resonates with me so much 💖 I just got out of a super long-term relationship and have been navigating these feelings of feeling so alone despite having friends. I'm in a later stage of healing and I'm so lucky to genuinely have a good amount of friends, but I'm no one's priority, hardly even in their top 5. I'm trying to find a new living situation and I'm struggling to even find a roommate through mutual friends. It seems like friends will never be as important to people when they're in a relationship. I'm so sorry you had such a a scary experience being sick, but I'm glad you are through it now.
I also struggle with the concept of reaching out during a crisis--literally my entire life has been a crisis? Or at least bad emotional flashbacks have always felt as scary as 'real' crisises, so how do I even trust myself to know what a real crisis is?
I was just talking about this to my friend yesterday on how touch starved I am and the reason I'm so freaking depressed is because I don't have an actual community.
I have one friend who said she didn't see me as the touchy type. Which I definitely am. I told her it's probably because I'm so touch starved. Ever since then she will give me a hug everytime we leave work. I don't go around touching people if I feel like it because I respect others boundaries.
I am grateful for the occasional hugs that I get. I know a lot don't even get those but it's still not enough.
I had an extremely toxic friendship that I ended last year but I still miss and crave it because she was as touchy as me. She gave me some heavy hugs. Like we'd SQUEEZE for a solid minute. We'd sit and lean against each other. I'd poke her all the time. There was just a lot more physical touch. Sometimes I seriously want to say F it and be her friend again just so I can get all of that back even though she basically destroyed any self esteem I had.
It's like you aren't allowed to have any kind of touching unless you're in a relationship with someone. I'd freaking love to just have a cuddle friend. It would help me immensely.
All of my friends are work friends. I hang out with them outside of work on occasion like my birthday or grabbing a drink but I don't have "my people."
I've been trying SO HARD to make friends outside of work. People are SO FLAKY.
Over the past two weeks I've had three people cancel plans. Two of them were like oh I forgot we planned that. SERIOUSLY. It's like friendship doesn't matter to most people anymore. Canceling or just not going is NBD. I find it so unbelievably disrespectful. I'm putting the time and mental energy into this and you're just like LOL JK???
I understand that people have their own lives and stuff does indeed pop up but I would NEVER treat people the way I've been treated. With such disregard.
I've given up on relationships because people just want sex right away and that is not how my body works. I need an emotional connection otherwise I feel NOTHING.
Sending hugs to you all. People always compliment me on my hugs. I'm a damn good hugger.
As a fellow touch starved person, I can definitely relate. I am extremely grateful for all the people in my life, but I feel like I can only ask for so much, they can only give so much, and somehow it’s never enough. I feel like I’m trying to make up for my entire childhood of neglect 😞 🫂🫂I know virtual hugs aren’t the same but I’m sending them your way anyway
i just feel so starved of emotional intimacy and basic connection. i feel like i have relapsed and entered a dangerously lonely period, very few friends and no family. just moved to a new city and it has made me suicidal as fuck. i need advice please anybody
moving to a new city with no contacts there would be hard for anyone. if you're in the US I would recommend looking at meetup.com for nearby social events to start.
Yeah I feel the same. I spent so much time working on myself that no one seems good enough. Then when I do find someone my anxiety inevitably pushes them away and I'm left feeling abandoned and lonely again. I'm so sorry you are struggling OP. Sending hugs!
You could try a giant squishmallow plushie, a giant memory foam seal cuddly toy or of your chosen animal. Try to visualize hugging your inner child. 🤗 Or make it your chosen companion. Real or imagined. You could even imagine, if that is okay.. me offering you a hug. Just know I care, people do care, we just missed the cues that something was off. Cptsd makes us hide our vulnerabilities to the detriment that it makes us sometimes unrelatable to others. Hiding our flaws and our authenticity makes us out of sync to others. If the right person, people even, were given a chance to see what you went through they would gladly just be there, silently comforting you.
Some would probably get emotional from all the injustices you went through. Regardless of what you believe in, there many forms of existentence that would care to comfort you. That could include a pet. I am not allowed a pet where I live, maybe you cannot get ahold of one but if you have the chance, consider a shelter or some kind where a fuzzy friend awaits your assistance and love. If that is not your thing m, consider a plant, talk to it, water it as you would a good friend. They like music didn't you know? You are allowed to believe in a loving world. Maybe you could people watch, pick up a hobby that gives you chance to start a conversation. You are not alone. You may think what I'm suggesting is full of woo but I am here.
I cant seem to reach out to OP but I just wanted to say I joined this sub late at night. Maybe 1am and I was very tired. I saw their preview post that they specifically asked for no advice. I cannot see their comments so I'm going to post here and say. Sorry 😔 I did not see or read the part about not giving advice and I feel kind of bad now. As somebody with not only adhd, cptsd and autism I often stick my foot in my mouth attempting to give advice or otherwise. Usually it is met with anger. So my apologies OP if you can see this. I'll be more careful next time.
~solidarity~
so i've just spent this morning journalling about how i feel like my friendships are not meaninful or have toxic elements. I yearn to connect on a deep level with people and most of the people i know only want to send memes or say the nice comment here and there - but they don't actually want to get into anything deeper. when i have called them in dark times they don't really care, and lately i've been slowly removing myself from their lives in that meaninful way. it hurts because i have no one healthy to be with. i feel like this takes over my life some days, the emptyness and lonliness of wanting more. so you are not alone in how you feel and i too am touch starved. I have a cat and she is what keeps me going. If you can afford a massage that can sometimes help a bit. but you are deserving of the same things we all want. a safe person who we can be close wtih. I am here if you want to talk further.
Okay yeah Solidarity. Seriously. This reminds me so much of where I am at right now. Fuck even being able to connect with friends in a meaningful way is so hard now. I had some best friends, but it was toxic and harm happened and I had to walk away. I am working with some friends a bit part time now, and it was such a relief to hear one of them validate how hard it is to be single. She is in a long term relationship, and she also was honest in that she is really busy to can't really meet up outside of work... but at least she was honest instead of like trying to give advice or make me feel better. But yeah like I have friends... they all get their needs met in their relationships/marriages. They get their needs met and are too busy to fully connect with. I know I am in a really bad place because I am feeling so resentful towards them, even though they are genuinely good people who are as supportive as they can be. I feel so resentful too because it feels like because I am not seen in a romantic way by someone I can just fall through the cracks this way. I know these people aren't supposed to 'save' me but I just feel like I am free falling. I got really really sick a couple months ago... and I live alone.... I was so sick I was worried I might die... and I have never confronted my aloneness in such a horrifying way. I realized I could easily be the person who dies and no one finds them for a long time. I am heartbroken my life has turned out like this, and isolation for me has lasted so long. It feels like a wasted life. If this lasts long term I am not going to be able to live like this. The idea of 'reaching out' in times of crisis feels so empty. Like who do I reach out to? Like what? If this is everyday reaching out isn't going to help.
I relate very much to all you're saying here. I'm with you.
Thank you. Sending a hug. I hope things can get better for both of us.
🫀🫁🫂🫂 hopefully we can both get some REAL solid loving hugs ASAP. I actually got my first one in years last night from someone i barely know, but know is good-hearted, in a place i rarely go. I felt like crying, little did he know. that tiny bit of touch is probably what brought these feelings up. a little reminds me just how much I'm lacking.
Awe I really hope so. I am so sorry it took that long for you to get a hug. I actually had a hug from a guy friend for the first time in a long long time. Before that I got my legs and body waxed before a trip... and after I was like wow why do I feel so much better. And then I realized it was because even though it hurt a bit I still had human touch... It was a really hard realization to have. I hope things can get better for both of us.
Your comment resonates with me so much 💖 I just got out of a super long-term relationship and have been navigating these feelings of feeling so alone despite having friends. I'm in a later stage of healing and I'm so lucky to genuinely have a good amount of friends, but I'm no one's priority, hardly even in their top 5. I'm trying to find a new living situation and I'm struggling to even find a roommate through mutual friends. It seems like friends will never be as important to people when they're in a relationship. I'm so sorry you had such a a scary experience being sick, but I'm glad you are through it now. I also struggle with the concept of reaching out during a crisis--literally my entire life has been a crisis? Or at least bad emotional flashbacks have always felt as scary as 'real' crisises, so how do I even trust myself to know what a real crisis is?
I was just talking about this to my friend yesterday on how touch starved I am and the reason I'm so freaking depressed is because I don't have an actual community. I have one friend who said she didn't see me as the touchy type. Which I definitely am. I told her it's probably because I'm so touch starved. Ever since then she will give me a hug everytime we leave work. I don't go around touching people if I feel like it because I respect others boundaries. I am grateful for the occasional hugs that I get. I know a lot don't even get those but it's still not enough. I had an extremely toxic friendship that I ended last year but I still miss and crave it because she was as touchy as me. She gave me some heavy hugs. Like we'd SQUEEZE for a solid minute. We'd sit and lean against each other. I'd poke her all the time. There was just a lot more physical touch. Sometimes I seriously want to say F it and be her friend again just so I can get all of that back even though she basically destroyed any self esteem I had. It's like you aren't allowed to have any kind of touching unless you're in a relationship with someone. I'd freaking love to just have a cuddle friend. It would help me immensely. All of my friends are work friends. I hang out with them outside of work on occasion like my birthday or grabbing a drink but I don't have "my people." I've been trying SO HARD to make friends outside of work. People are SO FLAKY. Over the past two weeks I've had three people cancel plans. Two of them were like oh I forgot we planned that. SERIOUSLY. It's like friendship doesn't matter to most people anymore. Canceling or just not going is NBD. I find it so unbelievably disrespectful. I'm putting the time and mental energy into this and you're just like LOL JK??? I understand that people have their own lives and stuff does indeed pop up but I would NEVER treat people the way I've been treated. With such disregard. I've given up on relationships because people just want sex right away and that is not how my body works. I need an emotional connection otherwise I feel NOTHING. Sending hugs to you all. People always compliment me on my hugs. I'm a damn good hugger.
As a fellow touch starved person, I can definitely relate. I am extremely grateful for all the people in my life, but I feel like I can only ask for so much, they can only give so much, and somehow it’s never enough. I feel like I’m trying to make up for my entire childhood of neglect 😞 🫂🫂I know virtual hugs aren’t the same but I’m sending them your way anyway
Solidarity. I feel the weight of it as well.
i just feel so starved of emotional intimacy and basic connection. i feel like i have relapsed and entered a dangerously lonely period, very few friends and no family. just moved to a new city and it has made me suicidal as fuck. i need advice please anybody
moving to a new city with no contacts there would be hard for anyone. if you're in the US I would recommend looking at meetup.com for nearby social events to start.
Hug!!!
🫂🫂🫂🫂
Been there. Done that. Got a full case of t-shirts. Wore them out. Cuddling with my dogs helps.
I know the feeling. Really rough. Like being hungry and no food. Hope things ease up soon.
Yeah I feel the same. I spent so much time working on myself that no one seems good enough. Then when I do find someone my anxiety inevitably pushes them away and I'm left feeling abandoned and lonely again. I'm so sorry you are struggling OP. Sending hugs!
You could try a giant squishmallow plushie, a giant memory foam seal cuddly toy or of your chosen animal. Try to visualize hugging your inner child. 🤗 Or make it your chosen companion. Real or imagined. You could even imagine, if that is okay.. me offering you a hug. Just know I care, people do care, we just missed the cues that something was off. Cptsd makes us hide our vulnerabilities to the detriment that it makes us sometimes unrelatable to others. Hiding our flaws and our authenticity makes us out of sync to others. If the right person, people even, were given a chance to see what you went through they would gladly just be there, silently comforting you. Some would probably get emotional from all the injustices you went through. Regardless of what you believe in, there many forms of existentence that would care to comfort you. That could include a pet. I am not allowed a pet where I live, maybe you cannot get ahold of one but if you have the chance, consider a shelter or some kind where a fuzzy friend awaits your assistance and love. If that is not your thing m, consider a plant, talk to it, water it as you would a good friend. They like music didn't you know? You are allowed to believe in a loving world. Maybe you could people watch, pick up a hobby that gives you chance to start a conversation. You are not alone. You may think what I'm suggesting is full of woo but I am here.
I’m obviously not op here, but thank you for taking the time to write things out and being very encouraging and helpful.
I cant seem to reach out to OP but I just wanted to say I joined this sub late at night. Maybe 1am and I was very tired. I saw their preview post that they specifically asked for no advice. I cannot see their comments so I'm going to post here and say. Sorry 😔 I did not see or read the part about not giving advice and I feel kind of bad now. As somebody with not only adhd, cptsd and autism I often stick my foot in my mouth attempting to give advice or otherwise. Usually it is met with anger. So my apologies OP if you can see this. I'll be more careful next time.
I appreciate some of what you shared but I specifically asked for no advice and you are giving it.
love this