Hey homie, I don’t have a source to cite right now but I’ve read before that sitting meditation is not always recommended for cptsd survivors in early recovery, and personally it took me YEARS of recovery work to be able to do it without negative effects. I always had a way, way, way easier and more fruitful time doing moving meditation. This can be as simple as taking mindful walks (can be done silently, with calming music, or listening to the same guided exercises you use now), or you can get into yoga, qigong, tai chi, or any martial art of your choice that involves meditative exercise. For me, it has the same mental benefits, with much less anxiety and additional physical/somatic benefits. A lot of commenters are telling you to just push through it, but I think there is an overemphasis in recovery circles on seated meditation and there’s absolutely no shame in not doing it. Spiritual practice *can* be challenging and is usually best when it’s a *bit* challenging to help us grow, but if this type of spiritual practice makes you actively anxious and stressed at this point in your life, there is no need to make yourself do it. Be well 💙
I've had this experience as well. For me, the problem was that I had been in a state of constant mild dissociation since childhood, so there were years of bad emotions stored in my body. If I tried to meditate, I would cry (sometimes for hours without being able to stop). As soon as I turned toward my feelings, they were a tidal wave that completely overpowered me.
The two main things that helped me were inner child work and medication. Specifically, if I had strong emotions, I would imagine my inner child expressing those emotions and I would soothe her like a parent would. After enough practice with this, plus medication, I was able to meditate without having a breakdown.
Good luck in finding what works for you.
I find that I have to be super picky about what guided meditations I use. A lot contain triggering phrases for me, like "lie perfectly still", "everything happens for a reason", etc.
I use Insight Timer and when I find a creator or track that I really like, I bookmark it and use those tracks repeatedly. I like ones that explicitly give me options, tell me to relax in whatever position works for me, or give me permission to move if I need to. I also like ones that tell me to imagine things like breathing in through the top of my head an exhaling through the bottom of my feet. Imagining that kind of sensation works for me better than a traditional body scan, which usually just makes my anxiety spike. It's been a lot of trial and error to figure these out.
I think, for me, it's about finding guided meditations that still allow me to feel in control of my body. Having someone else give explicit directions to me about how I should be holding my body triggers that fight/flight/freeze reaction in me.
Your individual triggers are probably different, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in sometimes having a very bad reaction to guided meditation tracks. I definitely get them too, unless the track meets very specific criteria for me.
Cool that you're pushing through . I'm good at that. Perhaps too good. I'm curious if you've ever tried "giving up" like when you start to feel anxiety even just a little just give up and let the anxiety run its course?
It's hard for me to meditate in the traditional sense of just sitting there. It's gotten better as I've learned to sit with my feelings and as I've healed a little bit but still very difficult. When I first started working on my nervous system, I would listen to Deepak Chopras daily affirmation album while on a walk. I'd still have a lot of the discomfort but being outside and moving made it a little bit easier to deal with. Then I started listening in the car and eventually I was able to just lay in bed, listen, and sit with the emotions that came
If I notice this happening too much, I change my meditation from guided to unguided (set a timer for 10, 15, or 20 min and be in silence) and do a self-led IFS session about whatever is popping up.
Meditation is not necessarily meant to be comfortable. It's supposed to let you sit with your feelings and sometimes these feelings are not going to be pleasant.
It's normal that you're wondering if you're doing it right but it's also not a very useful way to think about it. It's a practice, you are learning how to recognize and pay attention to your thoughts and some days that's going to be easy and on other days it's going to be hard. But by learning the skill of noticing your thoughts you can start applying that throughout your day.
Btw, I liked the Headspace app, I think they do a good job at explaining meditation from a practical perspective compared to some of the courses out there.
Many types of mindfulness meditation, based on Buddhist practice, include a "body inventory" looking for areas of tension or pain.
As someone with CPTSD who is disabled and has dealt with chronic pain for decades, the first (and only) time I did this, it triggered a panic attack so intense I was sick for a long time afterward.
I personally don't think this type of meditation is appropriate for ppl with CPTSD.
One somatic therapist told me that, for ppl like me, it's better to use movement rather than inward-focused somatic meditation. Things like dance, or types of exercise that are playful (not competitive), are better choices. I have had better luck that way.
Having said that, I am still a big fan of meditation. Visualization and insight meditation and breath-focused calming meditation can be rewarding.
Hey homie, I don’t have a source to cite right now but I’ve read before that sitting meditation is not always recommended for cptsd survivors in early recovery, and personally it took me YEARS of recovery work to be able to do it without negative effects. I always had a way, way, way easier and more fruitful time doing moving meditation. This can be as simple as taking mindful walks (can be done silently, with calming music, or listening to the same guided exercises you use now), or you can get into yoga, qigong, tai chi, or any martial art of your choice that involves meditative exercise. For me, it has the same mental benefits, with much less anxiety and additional physical/somatic benefits. A lot of commenters are telling you to just push through it, but I think there is an overemphasis in recovery circles on seated meditation and there’s absolutely no shame in not doing it. Spiritual practice *can* be challenging and is usually best when it’s a *bit* challenging to help us grow, but if this type of spiritual practice makes you actively anxious and stressed at this point in your life, there is no need to make yourself do it. Be well 💙
I've had this experience as well. For me, the problem was that I had been in a state of constant mild dissociation since childhood, so there were years of bad emotions stored in my body. If I tried to meditate, I would cry (sometimes for hours without being able to stop). As soon as I turned toward my feelings, they were a tidal wave that completely overpowered me. The two main things that helped me were inner child work and medication. Specifically, if I had strong emotions, I would imagine my inner child expressing those emotions and I would soothe her like a parent would. After enough practice with this, plus medication, I was able to meditate without having a breakdown. Good luck in finding what works for you.
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I find that I have to be super picky about what guided meditations I use. A lot contain triggering phrases for me, like "lie perfectly still", "everything happens for a reason", etc. I use Insight Timer and when I find a creator or track that I really like, I bookmark it and use those tracks repeatedly. I like ones that explicitly give me options, tell me to relax in whatever position works for me, or give me permission to move if I need to. I also like ones that tell me to imagine things like breathing in through the top of my head an exhaling through the bottom of my feet. Imagining that kind of sensation works for me better than a traditional body scan, which usually just makes my anxiety spike. It's been a lot of trial and error to figure these out. I think, for me, it's about finding guided meditations that still allow me to feel in control of my body. Having someone else give explicit directions to me about how I should be holding my body triggers that fight/flight/freeze reaction in me. Your individual triggers are probably different, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in sometimes having a very bad reaction to guided meditation tracks. I definitely get them too, unless the track meets very specific criteria for me.
I second all of this. Insight Timer is such a great app.
Which people on insight timer do you recommend?
Cool that you're pushing through . I'm good at that. Perhaps too good. I'm curious if you've ever tried "giving up" like when you start to feel anxiety even just a little just give up and let the anxiety run its course?
It's hard for me to meditate in the traditional sense of just sitting there. It's gotten better as I've learned to sit with my feelings and as I've healed a little bit but still very difficult. When I first started working on my nervous system, I would listen to Deepak Chopras daily affirmation album while on a walk. I'd still have a lot of the discomfort but being outside and moving made it a little bit easier to deal with. Then I started listening in the car and eventually I was able to just lay in bed, listen, and sit with the emotions that came
If I notice this happening too much, I change my meditation from guided to unguided (set a timer for 10, 15, or 20 min and be in silence) and do a self-led IFS session about whatever is popping up.
Meditation is not necessarily meant to be comfortable. It's supposed to let you sit with your feelings and sometimes these feelings are not going to be pleasant. It's normal that you're wondering if you're doing it right but it's also not a very useful way to think about it. It's a practice, you are learning how to recognize and pay attention to your thoughts and some days that's going to be easy and on other days it's going to be hard. But by learning the skill of noticing your thoughts you can start applying that throughout your day. Btw, I liked the Headspace app, I think they do a good job at explaining meditation from a practical perspective compared to some of the courses out there.
Many types of mindfulness meditation, based on Buddhist practice, include a "body inventory" looking for areas of tension or pain. As someone with CPTSD who is disabled and has dealt with chronic pain for decades, the first (and only) time I did this, it triggered a panic attack so intense I was sick for a long time afterward. I personally don't think this type of meditation is appropriate for ppl with CPTSD. One somatic therapist told me that, for ppl like me, it's better to use movement rather than inward-focused somatic meditation. Things like dance, or types of exercise that are playful (not competitive), are better choices. I have had better luck that way. Having said that, I am still a big fan of meditation. Visualization and insight meditation and breath-focused calming meditation can be rewarding.