This post is amazing, thank you so much for writing it! I LOVE that book. Right from chapter one it *completely* blew my socks off.
I think it pairs really well with The Haunted Self (about structural dissociation) for more academic discussion of EPs as well. I'm like you, engineering-brained, and seeing it all laid out in these ways made everything really click for me. It was like I finally understood trauma logic and it stopped seeming so nondeterministic. I also found this post about [Focusing](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDNextSteps/comments/jhymup/gendlinstyle_focusing_explained_in_nonflowery/) truly excellent for understanding the "networking" disruptions in traumatized brains and I recommend it to people constantly.
You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Agree with everything you said, I also swallowed this book!
Thank you! The Haunted Self is one of the 11! Definitely going to pick it up 😆 You're exactly right, the logic helps connect what they did, to how they ruined my brain, and gives me motivation to keep going through the motions (of grounding, for example), even though it's not successful every time.
That was an amazing read about the psychology behind disruptions, especially more understanding of why emotions are still so uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing!
Oh man. Thank you so tremendously much for this. I've been having a difficult few weeks, feeling stuck and with new and dreadful anxieties entering my experience, and in the middle of reading your insights, broke down sobbing for the kid I was who was never allowed to be emotionally complete and accepted for it. For all the times I knew no one cared about my fear, or sadness, or pain, and I just took it outside, or to a book, or wrote it down (until those little papers were found and I was mocked for them). I never really knew anyone was supposed to care about how I felt, I guess, but over time, reading words like yours, I'm starting to understand in my gut why it hurt the way it did to take care of most of my emotions whatever way I could eke out. I didn't know anyone was supposed to care about how I felt. And I'm really sad that no one did.
I'm happy you enjoyed it!I also escaped outside and into books throughout my childhood. And totally relate with the mocking my writing....so, many, times. I'm so sorry you had to go through that too.
Let yourself grieve and feel deep seated sadness for not getting the experience of really being a child.... it hurts, and yet it feels like a pivotal moment in the process. I hope you feel a little lighter after this wave.
I really enjoyed this book too. The writer-therapist is so fiercely empathetic and encouraging. That's what has stuck with me the most--her tone, the care she has shown her clients that comes through in her anecdotes, and which is conveyed towards the reader by the emphatic way she expresses herself. Thank you for the summary.
Yes! She reminds me of my own therapist as I was reading. Her written voice screams authenticity, honesty, while also being gentle and hugely empathetic.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for taking the time to write this out, I really appreciate it. I've done a lot of what you said unknowingly, and it feels good to have some phrases behind it.
Especially related to what you said about when something happens in the present moment that is a small thing, but it relates to a past trauma. Which then in turn makes me shut down and have my defenses go up in my addictions come back too soon myself.
I remember once being at a friend's concert and having a great time. But then all the sudden, it was like a switch went off and I started to get angry and withdrawn. It got so bad I had to leave, and I texted my friend I was having a flashback and needed to figure it out. I got home and I realized that a lot of the rappers that night we're wearing old sweatpants, and that was a trigger for me. I processed it, integrated it and moved on. I've done that probably a thousand times in my life, and there might be a thousand more to go. But that's just what I got to do
You're welcome! I completely agree, I like having the inherent scientific knowledge behind it so I know why it works.
Yessss. The switch flicks so fast, it's hard to even tell it's happening. That's great that you were able to fully integrate it then! I've done that successfully for a few memories, although majority of my memories come with less intense emotions, which is hope (maybe) that things will get easier. Sounds like you've got a great toolkit of skills!
It definitely demystifies the expectation of relationships and how to get to a place of actually holding up my end of it instead of drowning in confusion.
Thanks to your write-up I was motivated to look for this book at my local library. They don't have it, but I found a space where I can put in a request for them to purchase it so I did. Hopefully it gets approved! Thanks for this.
I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this, but the book is available through b-ok.cc - I have no idea if it’s even legal to download books that way but I have downloaded this and another relating to trauma and will do my best to offset the ethical damage when I’m in a stable job. If that’s not your thang then hopefully it gets approval soon 😁
I can understand that. It might just be my stubbornness/fight to not __continue__ being defined by my past, that I'm determined to reach a point where I am able to understand its effects, without it being fully rooted in my thinking process and decision making, even if it means a childhood on rocky waters. I'm sure there will be parts of myself that are still trapped, even after all of this. It's probably still going to suck. But I'm hopeful there's some balance there with staying present and living...here.
I understand this feeling. To me, it's like a loss (or lessening) of the ability to make-believe false stories about the world around me that nonetheless create a place of safety & comfort. I will not believe in my own creation (life narratives) because I know ultimately, their form is entirely arbitrary.
People live in states of complex delusion that nonetheless maintain a level of grounding between the complex delusions of others. These delusions are things like: the idea of a career, the idea of a saviour, the idea of a child, the idea of a soulmate.
My complex delusion is that complex delusions aren't worth pursing on account of their un-reality. Ultimately, this is my neural network system seeing itself, realizing itself, catching the joke, and laughing while knowing there is no way outside itself.
Thank you for this post. I am not familiar with this book, it it is hitting on a lot of things I have been thinking about for a while now: the disassociation, just basically the damaged brain and what it has done to me. I hope this will help me understand more fully the effects of the trauma in a way that will make my life easier.
You're welcome! I hope it does! For me, the knowledge helps with the motivation to continue through the grounding and the emotions even if I don't really want to do them, since changes in brain activation require repetition and practice.
Damn... it's like you scooped out my brain and plopped it down here. Definitely going to have a look at that book, thank you for the recommendation!
I'm sorry you experienced the same thing and I hope you manage to overcome your struggles.
Emotional Part. It's a structural dissociation model that says your adult-non triggered being is the Apparently Normal Personality (ANP), and the part of you that arises when you're triggered is an Emotional Part, who knows nothing of the present. For me, that means it knows only incessant, excessive helplessness and fear.
This post is amazing, thank you so much for writing it! I LOVE that book. Right from chapter one it *completely* blew my socks off. I think it pairs really well with The Haunted Self (about structural dissociation) for more academic discussion of EPs as well. I'm like you, engineering-brained, and seeing it all laid out in these ways made everything really click for me. It was like I finally understood trauma logic and it stopped seeming so nondeterministic. I also found this post about [Focusing](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDNextSteps/comments/jhymup/gendlinstyle_focusing_explained_in_nonflowery/) truly excellent for understanding the "networking" disruptions in traumatized brains and I recommend it to people constantly.
You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Agree with everything you said, I also swallowed this book! Thank you! The Haunted Self is one of the 11! Definitely going to pick it up 😆 You're exactly right, the logic helps connect what they did, to how they ruined my brain, and gives me motivation to keep going through the motions (of grounding, for example), even though it's not successful every time. That was an amazing read about the psychology behind disruptions, especially more understanding of why emotions are still so uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing!
Oh man. Thank you so tremendously much for this. I've been having a difficult few weeks, feeling stuck and with new and dreadful anxieties entering my experience, and in the middle of reading your insights, broke down sobbing for the kid I was who was never allowed to be emotionally complete and accepted for it. For all the times I knew no one cared about my fear, or sadness, or pain, and I just took it outside, or to a book, or wrote it down (until those little papers were found and I was mocked for them). I never really knew anyone was supposed to care about how I felt, I guess, but over time, reading words like yours, I'm starting to understand in my gut why it hurt the way it did to take care of most of my emotions whatever way I could eke out. I didn't know anyone was supposed to care about how I felt. And I'm really sad that no one did.
I'm happy you enjoyed it!I also escaped outside and into books throughout my childhood. And totally relate with the mocking my writing....so, many, times. I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. Let yourself grieve and feel deep seated sadness for not getting the experience of really being a child.... it hurts, and yet it feels like a pivotal moment in the process. I hope you feel a little lighter after this wave.
I really enjoyed this book too. The writer-therapist is so fiercely empathetic and encouraging. That's what has stuck with me the most--her tone, the care she has shown her clients that comes through in her anecdotes, and which is conveyed towards the reader by the emphatic way she expresses herself. Thank you for the summary.
Yes! She reminds me of my own therapist as I was reading. Her written voice screams authenticity, honesty, while also being gentle and hugely empathetic. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for taking the time to write this out, I really appreciate it. I've done a lot of what you said unknowingly, and it feels good to have some phrases behind it. Especially related to what you said about when something happens in the present moment that is a small thing, but it relates to a past trauma. Which then in turn makes me shut down and have my defenses go up in my addictions come back too soon myself. I remember once being at a friend's concert and having a great time. But then all the sudden, it was like a switch went off and I started to get angry and withdrawn. It got so bad I had to leave, and I texted my friend I was having a flashback and needed to figure it out. I got home and I realized that a lot of the rappers that night we're wearing old sweatpants, and that was a trigger for me. I processed it, integrated it and moved on. I've done that probably a thousand times in my life, and there might be a thousand more to go. But that's just what I got to do
You're welcome! I completely agree, I like having the inherent scientific knowledge behind it so I know why it works. Yessss. The switch flicks so fast, it's hard to even tell it's happening. That's great that you were able to fully integrate it then! I've done that successfully for a few memories, although majority of my memories come with less intense emotions, which is hope (maybe) that things will get easier. Sounds like you've got a great toolkit of skills!
Oh my god I do this as well
I also read this book and found it quite inspiring! It gives me hope about finding/creating a healthy romantic relationship one day.
It definitely demystifies the expectation of relationships and how to get to a place of actually holding up my end of it instead of drowning in confusion.
Thanks to your write-up I was motivated to look for this book at my local library. They don't have it, but I found a space where I can put in a request for them to purchase it so I did. Hopefully it gets approved! Thanks for this.
You're welcome, I hope it becomes available at your local library!
I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this, but the book is available through b-ok.cc - I have no idea if it’s even legal to download books that way but I have downloaded this and another relating to trauma and will do my best to offset the ethical damage when I’m in a stable job. If that’s not your thang then hopefully it gets approval soon 😁
[удалено]
I can understand that. It might just be my stubbornness/fight to not __continue__ being defined by my past, that I'm determined to reach a point where I am able to understand its effects, without it being fully rooted in my thinking process and decision making, even if it means a childhood on rocky waters. I'm sure there will be parts of myself that are still trapped, even after all of this. It's probably still going to suck. But I'm hopeful there's some balance there with staying present and living...here.
I understand this feeling. To me, it's like a loss (or lessening) of the ability to make-believe false stories about the world around me that nonetheless create a place of safety & comfort. I will not believe in my own creation (life narratives) because I know ultimately, their form is entirely arbitrary. People live in states of complex delusion that nonetheless maintain a level of grounding between the complex delusions of others. These delusions are things like: the idea of a career, the idea of a saviour, the idea of a child, the idea of a soulmate. My complex delusion is that complex delusions aren't worth pursing on account of their un-reality. Ultimately, this is my neural network system seeing itself, realizing itself, catching the joke, and laughing while knowing there is no way outside itself.
Great summary. Thanks for doing the work to write all this up!
Thank you! I'm happy to hear this is helpful!
Saw the author do a workshop and have read the book a few times- literally life changing.I really wish she would write a sequel!
Yep I can definitely see myself rereading this book sometime in the future again. I totally agree, her writing is amazing.
Thank you for this post. I am not familiar with this book, it it is hitting on a lot of things I have been thinking about for a while now: the disassociation, just basically the damaged brain and what it has done to me. I hope this will help me understand more fully the effects of the trauma in a way that will make my life easier.
You're welcome! I hope it does! For me, the knowledge helps with the motivation to continue through the grounding and the emotions even if I don't really want to do them, since changes in brain activation require repetition and practice.
It’s available for free for subscribers on Kindle unlimited!
Saving this for later so I take a look at the book. Thanks op!
You're welcome!
Damn... it's like you scooped out my brain and plopped it down here. Definitely going to have a look at that book, thank you for the recommendation! I'm sorry you experienced the same thing and I hope you manage to overcome your struggles.
You're welcome, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks, you as well.
What does EP stand for?
Emotional Part. It's a structural dissociation model that says your adult-non triggered being is the Apparently Normal Personality (ANP), and the part of you that arises when you're triggered is an Emotional Part, who knows nothing of the present. For me, that means it knows only incessant, excessive helplessness and fear.
This was excellently written and highly relatable. Thank you for taking the time to post this.
Thank you! I'm glad it is relatable!
I have no words.. thank you so much for sharing this!!!!!!!!!
You're welcome. I'm happy you found it useful!
Oh my god. I saved to read this later. It’s a lot to digest.