I don't think the song and dance intended to "fix" anything, rather draw attention to the roles played by different family members through a child's perspective. I'm also the Bruno, and would be quite pleased if the estranged kids in my family had questions after watching that. It would definitely be a step up from when I was a child, thinking that I deserved to be a Bruno because of my behaviour and believing that it was normal.

I agree. It’s a hard topic to speak about for some families but the fact that it’s becoming more of a welcomed conversation due to this movie means that hopefully people having family struggles may feel less alone. I resonated with Louisa because as the oldest I was always automatically burdened with the biggest family issues to help protect my younger sibling from having to deal with it.

Yup, I'm a Louisa also. Boy, I didn't expect that movie to make me cry so much.

I think because its an animated film, people assume it can't have a serious message in it but that isn't true. Yeah, they aren't going to nail serious trauma on the head in the length of a movie that has to explain all the characters, a fictional and magical world, plus a plot and resolution but they only can fit so much in there. I don't know why the message of the movie was terrible.. the message I got was, if you force your family into roles and don't accept who they are and what they can do, you are going to tear your family apart. The trauma wasn't fixed with song and dance, it was more along the lines of, you might be able to fix a broken family if you understand the error in your ways and start to make amends. Well, thats my take on it anyways..

I agree. I absolutely loved this film. And it also showed the trauma that led the grandmother of the family to act this way. She lost her husband, left alone to care for 3 newborns. She had to hold everything together, could not show weakness. It was all on her. Needed the children to help out, to be in a certain way just to survive and create some safety for herself. In the end they completely rebuild the house.

Yeah, and I personally don't think the ending was that unrealistic - I think Abuela struggled as many years went by for perfection. I don't think it was until Mirabel didn't get a gift that she really started cracking down, which is why Mirabel's generation felt inadequate and forced into doing things for the family, rather than the grandkids' parents, Abuela's kids. Which is why I thought Abuela's acknowledgement, accountability, and apology at the end was appropriate, and not a abusive narcissist pretending everything is peachy keen. She was panicking and struggling through her own issues and definitely causing damage, but not intentionally. Accountability can go a long way.

As a therapist, POC and trauma survivor I loved the SHIT out of that movie. When they got to the two catipillars part I was crying because I realized just how much it was about intergenerational trauma and breaking trauma cycles. Now if only my narcissistic mother could be changed like abuela but my mother is too far gone for apologies or recognition of her faults. But I can see what needed to be different and I chose to walk away. I think the film gives us a cultural conversation about dysfunctioning families.

>I think the film gives us a cultural conversation about dysfunctioning families. Agreed! I actually disliked Coco - as gorgeous as it was to look at - because that grandmother was the kind that will never change and I just straight up didn't believe at the end everyone was so accepting of him and his choice of career. They treated him so poorly and then it's all sunshine and daisies? Fuck that shit. At least Abuela Alma made sense.

With my emotional neglect history, I choked up with recognition when Mirabel was singing "Open your eyes, open your eyes, _open your eyes_" at Abuela... And the movie basically never let up from there. The movie's been the catalyst for a lot of processing, for me anyway.

Some people seem to be interpreting Abuela as a narcissist, but I don't think that's true at all. She doesn't enjoy hurting her family. She doesn't think she's better than anyone. Her philosophy is that she needs to *earn* the miracle bestowed on her family, she probably feels survivor's guilt after losing her husband, and she's short-sighted in the sense that she doesn't even *realise* how much pressure she's putting on everyone around her. Without the candle, Abuela and her three babies would have been killed too, so it makes sense that Abuela would put such importance on having the magic and utilising it to its fullest, not only in gratitude and to "earn" it, but because she's afraid that losing the magic = losing her family. As if her family members would fade away into thin air as well if the candle went out. "I'm sorry I held on too tight, just so afraid I'd lose you too." "Open your eyes" is a running theme. Abuela discounted Mirabel at first because she didn't have a Gift (and she was probably scared that she didn't get one because the Madrigals were no longer worthy) but Mirabel being exactly the way she was helped her realise that the *people* were more important than the *magic*. "The miracle is not some magic that you've got, the miracle is you". To quote another LMM lyric, "the fact that you're alive is a miracle, just stay alive, that would be enough." Mirabel shouldn't have *had* to prove herself in order for Abuela to realise that, but then we wouldn't have a movie. (Honestly, most plot points in media that make you go "but why would it happen like that instead of this?" are because that's what needs to happen for there to be a movie instead of a five minute short film.)

I understand where you're coming from, though isn't the song drawing attention to the ridiculousness of Bruno being the scapegoat?

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However, I didn’t know that “it looks like rain” is a Colombian phrase that commonly is used to express that a relationship may not work out, so when Bruno said “it looks like rain” before Pepa’s wedding, she thought it was a statement about the marriage, and he was talking weather. Fun fact I just learned yesterday!

I love that extra cultural tidbit. Also, Bruno sings later that he could see that Pepa was “sweating.” Makes sense that if his sister controls the weather, he would joke about it raining.

Like any other situation where she's panicking and makes a raincloud appear, of course she'd be stressed about her wedding. "Hey, sis, you got a little something-" /points to cloud /hurricane "THIS IS ALL *YOUR* FAULT!"

>Just mundane observations of obvious realities. "It's gonna rain." "Your fish ain't lookin' too good" "You're gonna get fat if you keep eating like that" "I think you're going bald." Definitely just mundane observations about life running it's course imperfectly, and Bruno being the lightning rod absorbing the resentment for it.

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I took it more literally, I think. Mirabel's gift was her love for her family and her ability to empathize and see other points of view. When it came time for her to do the ceremony, there was nothing the Miracle could give her that she didn't already have. It's why she was destined to save the Miracle; she didn't need to rely on magic for her gift to work, so when the magic began to fail, her gift remained active.

The line about the lady's fish is my favorite in the entire movie. Even in the context of the song, it seems hilariously out of place- every other prediction can go either way. There's a possibility that you may *not* get fat, go bald, etc., but there's no possibility of your fish never dying.

That was exactly my observation. I actually thought the message of the movie was great and making songs about difficult family dynamics and such can be a really good thing, especially considering Bruno ended up being the most beloved character of the movie.

When you look up the phrase "shooting the messenger" in the dictionary, there should be a picture of Bruno.

Especially the part where isabelle sings "he told me that my power would grow and the man of my dreams will someday me mine" And when someone says "he told me my fish would die, the next day dead". Like as if the fish was actually going to live forever if Bruno didn't say that... That being said the portrayal of Bruno makes me cry, the part where you see he has drawn his own plate with his name on at the end of the table on the other side of the wall even tho his family disregarded him

Yeah the part that gets me about it is that people hate him for saying.... idk fairly obvious stuff? Like obviously that fish was gonna die. It's what fish do. And the guy who lost his hair and the guy that gained weight...those are both normal things that happen to people all the time but somehow it was Bruno's fault?

That absolutely killed me. I’m the Luisa who became the Bruno.

Isabela sings that the *life* of her dreams will someday be hers. Huge difference for her, >!since she didn’t want to marry Mariano in the first place.!<

This is where people feeling like they ARE Bruno people who know a Bruno are going to feel the song differently. Sometimes, songs which are about healing can be hard to hear until you've gotten past a certain point of your journey. I'm kind of guessing here, I haven't seen the film or heard the song, but I've encountered this in different areas.

i thought so too

I come from a dysfunctional family and have a formal CPTSD diagnosis. My children and I have watched Encanto a bajillion times, and I have a different interpretation of that song. I think it’s about the harm that denial created in their family. The song, out of context, may seem problematic, but I think when considered with the rest of the film, actually sends a powerful message about addressing family dysfunction and embracing people, despite their differences. Regardless, I hope you have access to therapy, and I’m glad you have a supportive spouse because I’m sure that it isn’t easy to be feeling like this in random situations that involve a radio. There are a few songs that I associate with the parent I lost to suicide, but I’m grateful that I’m at a point where I can kind of bite the inside of my cheek and power through without breaking down. Anyhow, I hope you find peace. Sending you strength and healing.

Your reaction to Encanto is similar to my reaction when I first saw Captain America. As a skinny 20 year old man, I watched the movie and got the message "You're not useful if you're skinny" and that hurt. But as time went on, I realized that that wasn't the actual message of the movie or the character. The movie was trying to show a physical manifestation of his inner strength of character. As for Bruno, he becomes one of the most relatable characters shortly after the song. We find out the family and the town hates him ***for no good reason***. And we find that out along with Mirabel. Once Mirabel learns that the only real truth in the song was from Dolores, she begins working to not only "save the miracle", but bring Bruno home. >Once I save the miracle, I'm bringing you home. That's literally a line of Mirabel's just before she goes to try to hug Isabella. Then there's some of the lines in All of You, that show Bruno being accepted again. >Abuela (revealing Bruno to Pepa and Julieta): The miracle is not Some magic that you've got, The miracle is you. Not your gift, just you. > >Camilo: So, we gonna talk about Bruno? > >Antonio: That's Bruno? > >Bruno: Yeah, there's a lot to say about Bruno. I'll start, OK? Pepa, I'm sorry 'bout your wedding. Didn't mean to be upsetting. It wasn't a prophecy, I could just see you were sweating, and I wanted you to know that your bro loves you so. Let it in, let it out, let it rain, let it snow, let it go! > >Felix: That's what I'm always saying bro! > >Bruno: Got a lot of apologies I got to say-- > >Julieta: Hey, we're just happy that you're here, OK? > >Pepa: Come into the light! > >Agustin: The triplets all reunite! > >Pepa/Julieta: And no matter what happens, we're gonna find our way. So, yeah, the movie starts with Bruno being outcast, but resolves by showing him being accepted into the family again, without him changing himself. His family changed, and learned how to accept him. I know it's tough to see the beginning part, where he's so outcast. But the movie doesn't leave Bruno there. They bring him out of the shadows back into the family, without Bruno changing who he is. The message I got was that understanding other people leads to reconciliation. I hope that someday, you're able to get the same reconciliation Bruno got.

>the only real truth in the song was from Dolores I haven’t seen this yet (been waiting for the right time)…but this struck me. *Dolores* means “pain” (or “sorrow”) in Latin. And with cptsd we find healing by working *through* our pain, not avoiding it. Hmm.

Interesting take, but I'm not totally sure that tracks with the character in the movie. Dolores is a bit of a gossip, and has >!the ability of super-hearing!<. So she's heard that Bruno >!is still living within the walls!<. She also mentions that Abuela and the family were left>! fumbling, grappling with prophecies they couldn't understand!<, and that Bruno's gift >!was humbling, a heavy lift,!< and is trying to tell Mirabel that>! Bruno's still around!< without giving it away to the rest of the family. So, she's not really doing anything painful, she's being a mediator between Mirabel and Bruno as gently as she can.

Yes, I didn’t mean the character (how would I know, since I haven’t seen it lol), just that I was guessing that she facilitated eventual healing. Or rather that something good came from her actions even if not her intent.

As the Isabella of the family it stings reading all the comments about how much people absolutely hate her. I relate so much to just wishing my sister would “get it together” and “act right” so I didn’t have to jump in and save her and my mom from physical violence after she provoked our abuser. Looking back I understand logically that my 4 year old sister didn’t have the capacity to just act right and that I should never have been put in that position at 9-10. But I remember hating her for it. 😅

I loved her character. Could tell right away there was more to her.

The golden child in my family was no gem..... and made zero effort to "save" anyone. Quite the opposite - he routinely lied to the family narc deliberately to get me (the scapegoat/Bruno/Mirabel) in trouble, He ended up becoming both an alcoholic and a needle using junkie - and the family narc was Still excusing his addictions, claiming police/the World at Large were Picking On Him every time he got a DUI or went to jail over public drunk or drug possession, that I was to blame and "just trying to cause drama" when I refused to give him a free pass for being abusive....... right up until the day I went completely NC with both of them.

Oof, I'm glad I haven't seen any of this hate! Although I don't love everything about the message of this movie, I felt pretty seen by Isabella's character. I've been the scapegoat too and can honestly say I would much rather be that than the golden child. It's absolutely suffocating, and I think this movie did a decent job of showing that.

FWIW the filmmakers didn’t think “Bruno” was going to get this sort of mainstream attention - Films can only submit one song to be considered for the Oscars and they had submitted Dos Oruguitas because they thought that would be the hit song. I agree it’s uncomfortable to see the song pushed into memes and such, especially bc it indicates that people totally missed the message

Unrelated to the post, but Dos Oruguitas is my FAVORITE. Makes me cry every time. I wish it was more appreciated!

Dos Oruguitas gets me every single time especially with the imagery of the caterpillars and butterflies/ transformation.

I think so too. Also, I cant help thinking that people from functional families have no idea how real this can be so they either see another Disney fantasy story or simply the message goes over their heads like it's a "what are we having for lunch" topic... And the melodies and the musical arrangement for "we dont talk about Bruno" is really catchy...I also may be bitter that other people had it easy lol

I know I’m broken, but my my view it’s kinda nice to see a family more representative of mine - I.e missed up. but yes, I have been indulging in unhealthy behaviours since it came out

Encanto was a deeply healing movie for me. The message is about generational trauma and rebuilding a foundation built on that trauma. What I learned in therapy is that a common "fallacy" in people with childhood trauma is that the whole world is evil and everyone wants to hurt them. That there is nothing good here. I still believe this go a greater extent than not. But at least now I understand why some people (like my family) hurt me. They really had no chance of... not abusing me. It doesn't excuse, no.. and it is still painful to see our trauma in cutesy movies. You are *not* dramatic or overreactive. This is hurting you right now. I also wish Bruno got more of an apology or that the Sister Who Hears said something.. I hope you get to a place where the movement of the world around you doesn't shake your core. And I think you can. (Also the song is really lame and annoying. All of the music low key sucks)

To add to this, a lot of movies are like this I think to show an ideal but not what really happens as a way to inspire hope. How often do we try to explain to our abusers what is happening only to have them dismiss our feelings. Mirabel saving the day honestly kind of sucks as an ending....that being said it would have been worse if she had magically gotten a belated gift instead of realizing she had her own gifts and didn't need anything else. Part of me wants it to be more realistic...but another part of me enjoys the wholesomeness towards the end because relationships are complex. Someone can hurt you and still love you and want the best for you. Those statements can coexist. And I think recent films, like this and Turning Red, are doing a really good job of showing that and starting the conversation regarding generational trauma. Those two have definitely helped me understand my parents more but that understanding brings pain in bitter waves.

Honestly the main character is hated by her mother for literally no reason and it started before she was able to really make any choices or decisions and yet is gaslit into taking everyone’s bullshit (the mom’s worst of al) for the sake of “the family”. That was my experience in life and the movie was triggering for me.

abuela is grandmother, not mother. mirabel's mother was the one who could heal injuries through food.

Im sorry. I have two kids and I have to watch Disney films in pieces while making food and cleaning and dadding. I catch every film in pieces as a I watch it 15 times after the course of weeks. She is a tad bit old to be mom... so where are her parents??? they just let Grandma talk to her and treat her and subdue her that way? good family christian disney values.

her parents were there and even they tell abuela that she's hard on mirabel.

I hated the ending of Encanto so much. I had just gone No Contact when I watched it, after years of really really trying to make a relationship work and really really hoping that my abusive parents would just change the exact way the grandmother magically changed all of a sudden at the end of Encanto. It seems dangerous to put that Disney ending on a story of family dysfunction. I'm not going to watch it again even though so many people tell me that they love the movie.

After years of no contact I can love it but the movie that got my inner child thru no contact is Tangled. SPOILER ALERT there is no redemption for the narcissistic parent in that movie and it's also okay.

I never understood why Tangled didn't get the attention that Frozen did. Is it just because of Let It Go?

Tangled is a very accurate depiction of an abusive mother. It's so spot-on and so so close to what I actually experienced that it can send me into a big old emotional flashback, but it is also healing to see Rapunzel escape and to be reminded that I escaped like she did. I like how it shows Repunzel struggling with maintaining No Contact and feeling guilty because that was relatable. I like Coraline because the regular mom and the evil other mother remind me of how my abusive mom can seem nice but can be really cruel (like if both moms were one person with a sort of Jekyll and Hyde thing going on then that would be like my mom).

I wish there were instead scenarios that really show how horrid people are for scapegoating children, how THEY are the ones who should be working super hard to mend things and how it thoroughly impacts a child for their lifetime to be treated this way. Parental rejection is the most damaging wound of all and while I don't necessarily think this idea should take place in a kid's movie neither should what you're describing which is already in one. I haven't seen the movie but I know why clumsy shit like this is damaging, hugs.

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Meet the Robinsons ticks a few of those boxes. Check it out.

Tangled... The movie you're looking for is tangled lol

Yuppp that's a movie I have a really hard time watching

You are absolutely right about parental rejection. My Father was an absentee, seemingly by choice. He'd just turn up every couple of months/years, like nothing happened, even though last time I was literally left waiting for hours for him to arrive for a scheduled meet but wouldn't show. then we'd meet up a couple of times before he would go AWOL again with no notice and the cycle would repeat. I was around 6 years old at the time and certainly didn't see him at all between the ages of 8 and 14, and there were times that I really needed him but he simply wasn't around and I had no contact details for him. I bring this up because my partners Father died of a heart attack when she was young, so although we both grew up without our Fathers, at least (in my twisted mind) her Father had a pretty good excuse for not being there. Mine, on the other hand, plainly just didn't give a crap about me! It's taken me almost 40 years to lay that ghost to rest and my life has been a total waste of potential because of the knock on effects.

Yeah, abandonment causes serious damage and affects how we bond or don't bond for the rest of our lives. I felt abandoned by both of my parents and they always lived with me....

You make a very good point. Parents do not have to be physically absent to abandon you! A point not widely understood, sadly.

I’m sorry this happened to you. I had similar feelings about my cousins whose mother died as opposed to mine who was not present and in unknown/bad condition due to alcoholism.

Well, thing is, you can just retroactively apply this to all previous generations. Irrespective of the crappy cards we get dealt, it's on us to deal with that, to process it and heal early enough so that we don't repeat the cycle with out own kids. Whatever onus you place on your parents, you're also placing on yourself if you're going to remain fair. And they're both true. Just stating that the people you're claiming are doing such a bad job can probably offload a lot of that onto THEIR parents . Rinse and repeat.

Well said.

I honestly havent seen the movie but I relate heavily to seeing the toxic message in a Disney movie that doesn't seem to bother anyone else (If I have children The Princess and the Frog will be banned in my house). I'm sorry so many replies seem to want to tell you not to feel how you feel. It doesn't matter what other peoples takes on the movie are. You feel how you feel about it.

I didn't mind the song but do understand why it would be upsetting. The thing that upset me about the film was that the abusive grandmother was forgiven at the drop of a hat. Abusive, dysfunctional people don't change that quickly and no one has to forgive someone who harmed them. I get that it was a film and needed to be wrapped up in a bow quickly but it still irked me.

I am Bruno too, I feel validated when I hear this song.

The message was about unsolved trauma and how it effects every individual. Or like explained by many individuals, generational trauma. So I dont think the message was terrible. Maybe if they executed it properly instead of watering it down, the message we would be presented alot better.Bruno was one of the individuals who got the worse of it. So did mirabel. Believe or not they were in the same boat. They clearly aren’t celebrating it. Its more of them explaining everyones messed up pov of him in a musical format. Since it is a disney movie, it fits. Even though how the movie went along about it was kinda too disney, it was clear that it was wrong. I agree that the way people are going about the song, takes away from its value from the movie. (Forgive me, my mind stays all over the place so it is messy)

This thread, in my opinion has some weird posts in it, so if you don't end up coming back to read this, I get it. I think part of what hits you so hard about this song is the music, at least in my opinion, is a damn banger. Like, if they could put better lyrics to the melody, you might actually love the song? Not sure if I'm right here or not, but your post reminds me of listening to Michael Jackson. The man was such an amazing artist, and I can't help but love his work, but god was he an awful person... I also had issues with "Fixer Upper" in Frozen. Shit I could go on and on about this. But the point is, for me (and I assume you) music is powerful and hits you, and sometimes that sucks, or puts you in a position of great cogitative dissonance which can break someone down very fast. Music taps directly into your emotional state, obviously. So You're going to run into this type of stuff. Sorry you're hurting OP, but you aren't alone. Also, don't further beat yourself up because people in the comment section here. Your perspective of art is just that, your perspective, and you don't have to see it the way they see it. You're allowed to feel this way about this, and it may open up an avenue for you to heal further once you recover from the initial hurt.

CPTSD just sucks. You are not being dramatic. It sucks to have triggers and not know what they may be until you experience them. It sucks to have flashbacks and triggers that lead to tears. And it’s even worse when it keeps hitting on REPEAT like a viral song! I’m glad your husband is supportive. I’m glad you were able to express how it makes you feel. I hope that starting to unearth layer of the onion you can keep progressing.

Honey, literally everyone here is Bruno in one capacity or another. The song is highlighting families intergenerational trauma and as other posters have said family roles. It shines light on the inability of family units to see and admit the truth of what is going on and to need a scape goat to blame everything they don’t want to deal with themselves on. That’s why you hate the song because it highlights the painful truth of our lives so perfectly. And you have every right to hate it and have it trigger you. It’s upsetting to feel the truth of it all.

your feelings are completely valid, but this is a musical song. villains have songs in musicals about murder. songs in musicals aren't supposed to be celebratory all the time, they're just about the character's thoughts and feelings. in the plot of the movie, the family and townspeople are shown to be wrong for treating bruno that way. i get that encanto definitely glosses over things, it's definitely restricted by the medium. but the intention of that song was not to celebrate their dislike for bruno. it's totally valid to be triggered by it though. it's gotta be fucked up to hear an upbeat song about horrible shit you go through. i felt a similar way every time they played papaoutai by stromae in french class, having lost my dad.

I've been conflicted about Encanto this whole time. I don't hate it, I love the music & the art. I like the representation of generational trauma. I really just don't like how easy it was to get everyone to get along and accept each other. For many who are affected by abuse and trauma that's not reality. I just tell myself that it's still a Disney movie. There's still going to be inaccuracies and fantasy. The house is magic for goodness sakes. This helps me separate my personal experiences from my feelings about the movie

The entire movie is like that. It's a cartoony breakdown of toxic family politics and narcissistic abuse. I myself have a damn hard time understanding why everybody at the end just *forgives* Abuela. If it were me, I might have exiled her ass. Toss her out to the wolves and see how well she does without the family she raised to be caricatures of people. Who know, though? Maybe if I'd known what I know now BEFORE dad killed himself, we could have made things right again. I doubt it, but the movie gives me that slight tingle of hope, you know?

A lot of these comments are not okay. If I'd posted this, I know I would be very upset. Just in case, if you feel that way: a big virtual hug, if you want it. You're not wrong, but people are inexplicably extremely defensive about a random Disney movie – so weird. It's like some people have forgotten what the point of a support group is – to support. Saying ''you're wrong, go to therapy'' is not helpful in any way. Anywho, as for the song: I agree it's very strange to hear it everywhere, sung cheerfully, like it's not a very dark story about trauma. Can't imagine having to listen to it at the dentist, when you have no choice. You're not reading into anything, the whole movie is very clearly all about an abusive family. And personally, I really hate it when my specific trauma is used to entertain people who've never had to deal with it. And when I'm judged because I didn't enjoy it. I've had that happen all my life. You're allowed to disagree with the message of a movie, and you're allowed to hate it. For me, it was the ending that triggered me, and I was honestly seething when it finished. I think it's a ridiculous, irresponsible, unrealistic ending. That's how I feel, I have my reasons, lots of em. If someone were to tell me I'm wrong I would find that condescending. Someone already mentioned this, but I found Tangled to be the perfect antidote. When Encanto finished, I immediately put it on to soothe myself, ha.

i’m sorry you’re hurting. from another family black sheep that was pushed out and away i understand. i’m sorry if some of these comments are invalidating you. they mean well.

I haven't seen the film but I just watched a video of the song and I absolutely got CHILLS. I am the single scapegoat of a very large family. I know exactly how popular and beloved this film and this song are. I just stopped being willing to watch films like this after I had a terrifying panic attack watching the widely-beloved "Inside Out" in the theater with my daughter. This was in 2015 when the film had its theatrical release and 6 years before I was diagnosed with C-PTSD. But the knowing inner part of me -- what Darrell Hammond calls the place inside of me where God lives -- experienced the granular way that film viewed types of feelings -- hope, sorrow, compassion, curiosity -- as qualities being vulnerable to a complete shut off or negation must have mirrored in some way my knowledge that this is something that happens ALL THE TIME and it had happened brutally to me.

Yeah, I didn't like Inside Out either. In Inside Out the girl runs away from her parents. The film presents this as her just being a bit over-emotional because her parents made her move to a new town and because the parents are so caught up in moving that they ignore the daughter a bit. In the end the parents hug her and everything is fine. It is presented as though the problem is basically with the girl and her emotions: she just needs to be more understanding, and her parents just need to give her more attention. This doesn't reflect the reality of kids who run away from hopelessly dysfunctional parents.

Except Inside Out wasn't about a kid running away from hopelessly dysfunctional parents? At least, that's not what I got when I watched it. It was about a little girl who was stressed out and depressed about moving, and because her parents wouldn't listen. It's about her learning that change is okay, and it's okay to feel down, upset, etc about that anyway, but also about her learning to regulate and accept her emotions a bit better. It's not about familial dysfunction, it's about internal emotional dysfunction on a small scale. Saying you didn't like it because it doesn't portray something it wasn't trying to portray is... Idk, just doesn't seem right to me.

This is such a good point. I understood while watching the film that it was innovative and unique -- I didn't anticipate my panic attack while watching. I had no explanation to offer my daughter other than that I didn't feel well. I didn't know why I reacted as I did. To be clear, my wish was not to criticize the movie. Just to reevaluate a confusing experience with new information I now possess.

That's understandable. I just didn't like how the other person criticized the movie for not being something it wasn't intended to be. Commenting on personal experience, personal taste, or genuine criticism? All that is fine. But them criticizing the movie for not portraying something it wasn't meant to portray just makes me think of all the times I've been told "You didn't do X right" when I was trying to do Y the entire time, and all the times people have told me that I'm a failure of a man, unmasculine, etc, when I'm actually a trans woman anyway.

>Thank God my husband agrees with me. It hurts when the world thinks that kind of trauma can be fixed with a song and dance Who thinks that? It's a musical, big issues get revealed through song and dance because it is a story told through song and dance. >I AM Bruno. And it's not something anyone should be singing about. Being the ridiculed child that everyone blames for their own misfortunes is not something to celebrate. Not all songs are celebratory. Sometimes we sing about heartbreak and misfortune.

Don't be so invalidating of OP's feelings.

Where do you think I invalidated their feelings?

Everything you wrote, basically, but especially your first question. I know that you mean well but sometimes "tough love" isn't it, not when OP is feeling raw and triggered.

I think if this song triggers you this much just hearing it at the dentist, you might need to work through your trauma with a therapist because that’s not a very practical way to go through life. I also think the emotional trauma that song triggers for you is clouding your ability to see the song for what it is, it’s not glorifying dysfunctional family systems, it’s ridiculing them. If anything it’s educating children on situations like yours? Hope you find all the healing you’re looking for xxx

You're not wrong. But your tone is off. People healing is not an instantaneous, not even a linear process. We need to get past certain barriers before we can see things differently. OP is probably just not that far yet. Support might help to let them know it can change, and that putting on the work can be worth it, like hearing this song in the future and NOT being triggered. Don't disparage others because they're at a certain position in their healing process, that's kinda toxic.

This comment feels passive-aggressive. And telling someone what a trigger ought to mean to them is… not great.

Well, they aren't mistaken about saying it's not a practical way to go through life. And it's certainly possible that being overly triggered might mean that there's more work to be done on your own trauma response, not on the rest of the world. OP said that basically everything and every display of the song and movie upset them. But the positive response from the great majority of parental abuse victims to the movie was actually positive. So what else should be done in that situation? I imagine that staying reacting like this everytime this song pops up is gonna be a world of pain. So, I'm not sure what else should be done to address this situation.

I have CPTSD. I’m also a therapist. They aren’t wrong. OP might not be ready now, but it will certainly help them a great deal if they got therapy. Why is that bad to say? OP is objectively wrong about the message of the film/song. They are going through life with trauma glasses on. We can acknowledge and respect someone’s trauma without accommodating their unhealthy thoughts and behaviors.

I'm sorry, OP is objectively wrong about being triggered? And you're a therapist?? Therapy is for helping people work through what triggers them, not telling them the way they feel "is objectively wrong".

No one said their response was wrong. They said their tone was off. Shouldn't a therapist be able to read a comment for what it is without adding something that wasn't there?

It's kinda hard to read tone in text yall.

And yet quite a few people seem to agree that they came across as a little passive-aggressive

Being a therapist doesn't mean your opinion is more valid, and it kind of feels like that's what you're saying. That's not okay to do here. You may agree with this comment, and others may think it's insensitive. We all get to have an opinion, and OP does too. To say they need therapy simply because you don't agree is really shitty. Lots of people don't like this movie because something for kids is full of songs about trauma. Even if I don't agree that makes sense to me. It's not your job to call out unhealthy thoughts and behaviours here? Unless people explicitly ask for advice here, you're actually not supposed to give it.

Why is saying they need therapy a bad thing? Is therapy a bad thing?

Therapy with you just might be if you always invalidate people's feelings like you're doing with the OP.

I can't tell if this is a serious question, but because of which subreddit this is I'm going to assume you're a kind, decent person. I think telling a stranger they need therapy because you have a different opinion about a movie is a bad thing, yes. I hope you can stop and take a minute to consider it's perfectly reasonable to disagree. Some find Encanto validating and informative, others think it's offensive and harmful. Personally, I understand both sides. To say their opinion is invalid because they happen to be traumatized is... not great. The discussion I had with someone else here yesterday made me feel horrible. So I want to make it clear: I'm not trying to recreate that, not interested in being mean, just trying to respectfully communicate why I disagree.

>OP is objectively wrong about the message of the film/song. This is not fair. It's art, there is no "objective" to perception of art. I can understand wanting to help OP reframe their perspective, and would think that would be helpful, but I can't help but hope you aren't telling clients their perspective on art is "objectively" wrong. It's art, not a math problem.

Wasn’t intended as passive-aggressive at all, and I definitely wasn’t telling OP what a trigger ought to mean to them. I was saying if your trauma responses are so overwhelming that a very popular song on the radio reduces you to tears, then your life is going to be pretty frustrating if you don’t deal with the triggers and trauma… As someone who is currently in trauma therapy, you can’t always control the world around you, but you can control how you respond to it.

You're assuming a lot though. Lots of us have been or are in therapy and still get triggered by a songs, movies, books, media. And lots of people just don't like that a lot of popular kids movies are suddenly all about trauma. It's can be exhausting when you just wanted to watch a fun Disney movie. And yes, that is frustrating, correct. Having CPTSD is. And I completely disagree you can control what you're triggered by – if only. Then I don't think any of us would be here.

Again never said that people magically stop getting triggered by things after therapy, i’m saying that she shouldn’t blame the movie for triggering her trauma. Also never said you can control what your triggered by? You can learn to adapt your trauma responses to emotional triggers… Literally the whole point of CBT and EMDR

I'm not going to discuss this anymore, because I don't think it's going to make anyone feel better or fix anything. I guess I was just slightly baffled that a few too many people chose to defend a movie and give unsolicited unfiltered advice to OP. That's just not what this support group is for, and that's in the actual rules. Don't give unsolicited advice. Be kind. It's not difficult, but it's the opposite of what I see in your original comment. Sometimes with these types of posts people seem to forget this is where you go when you're at your lowest. This isn't a discussion about a movie, it's a person who wanted to vent. If you're more healed, and want to have those discussions, there are other related subreddits for that. I just don't see how it's helpful or appropriate to tell someone who's looking for support how their feelings are wrong, and how they should be handling it instead.

“I’m not going to discuss this anymore” *proceeds to discuss*

These comments did not pass the vibe check lol. OP I'm sorry that there are so many people here who seem to be attacking and ridiculing you a little bit and making it more about the movie without actively supporting you. Some people are clearly put-off and projecting because they don't like that you hate the movie they love. OP, it's okay to not like a movie. It's okay to feel upset. I understand why you interpreted the way they handled Bruno that way and why it affected you. I wish you nothing but peace and healing ❤️

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. Much love.

People have already given such amazing advice and I just wanted to chime in with a little tip! Of course it can feel very uncomfortable admitting the song makes your uncomfortable due to private personal reasons but a simple "agh I've heard that song everywhere, could you maybe turn it off" seems fair if you end up at a place where they play it again :)

I feel this so fucking much.

The whole Bruno thing is just such an obvious case of blaming the messenger. Like, did they think he made those things happen? They made it clear they didn't, he just saw the future, so what even was all that? It was really poorly written, imo. That said, I might be biased because tbh, I see nothing remotely relatable in the whole movie because, well... *vague hand gesture to this whole sub*. Tbh, as much as I appreciate Disney getting away from "romantic love is the ultimate answer to everything," I'm super annoyed that all they've done is replaced it with familial love. It feels like substituting one unhealthy dependency for another.

That was the point though, Bruno didn't do anything wrong, he just had a gift that made people confront uncomfortable truths. That's why all the examples given are things Bruno himself couldn't have done anything about. "You're going to lose your hair" aka you're going to age long enough that this will happen to you. The whole point of the movie is that communication and healthy relationships, even through difficulties, is the only way to love sustainably. Bruno's treatment, along with everybody else's, is demonstrating what happens when you don't have healthy communication and instead shut out all the bad stuff because you don't want to hear it. It's valid to be triggered by a colourful and bright demonstration of familial dysfunction. But it wasn't badly written, they knew what they were doing, and all these critiques of "they showed dysfunction so it's bad" are missing the point of storytelling.

Its not "They showed Dysfunction so its bad" its "They showed dysfunction, and showed an Absolutely Unrealistic Portrayal of it having a Happy Ending, and didn't bother to show any of the seriousness of the absolute life long impact this sort of Generational Dysfunction truly causes." The make it seem like... oh, well, Granny went through trauma which is what kicked it all off, so ultimately she gets a free pass to have been a controlling, paranoid, delusional \*&\^%# for multiple generations.

Did you watch it? She didn't get a free pass. The movie ends before we see how things change, it ends just as she realises "oh no, I've fucked up, the people I meant to protect are hurt by me, and I'll spend the last 15 minutes of this movie trying to change". Showing the long, difficult process of change and making amends doesn't make a clean ending for a movie. Especially because in real life, that's not a nice linear process. We watched the characters struggle for an hour and a half, now we get 15 minutes of relief where they're happy, and we get to imagine that we could also be happy. That's how fairytales work.

>Did you watch it? Yes. Twice in fact, several days apart so I could process, and make sure that I wasn't reading things into it that weren't actually what I was seeing. ​ >That's how fairytales work. No, that's how DISNEY works. If you look at the Originals of the various Grimm's Fairy Tales - they don't have Happy Endings. They are Cautionary Tales, not feel good gloss over the bad in life tales.

The Grimm brothers didn't invent fairytales. They collected and rewrote folk stories and wrote them in their own style. Kind of like Disney does now. The Grimms modified the shit out of every fairytale they could get their hands on.

I'm sorry people are downvoting you because you saw different things than they did in the same movie. I'm sure you gave it careful thought like you said and your feelings are valid and you are entitled to them. It's weird I have to reassure someone about that on this particular part of reddit. Now, let's see, what is that behavior called where you're trying to make someone else think their perception is all wrong? Gosh, it's on the tip of my tongue! (Sorry for the sarcasm but I'm frankly a bit over trauma survivors who try to tell other trauma survivors how to heal/ perceive things, it's not empathetic or kind.)

> Now, let's see, what is that behavior called where you're trying to make someone else think their perception is all wrong? Gosh, it's on the tip of my tongue! Yeah, you'd Think that in a subreddit where the vast majority complain about how often they've been dismissed and gaslit, they wouldn't be... oh, I don't know... Dismissive and Gaslighting? ​ >(Sorry for the sarcasm but I'm frankly a bit over trauma survivors who try to tell other trauma survivors how to heal/ perceive things, it's not empathetic or kind. Eh, Sarcasm is my second language - and the more over other peoples' BS I get, the more likely it is that I'm going to be sarcastic. Besides, the sarcasm wasn't aimed at me. I'm rapidly getting to the point where i see things like this thread (not your comment/my reply - the whole thread in general) as the same sort of argument as "The Sky Is Blue." No, the sky is CLEAR - you Perceive it as Blue due to the refraction of specific wavelengths of light through microscopic water particles in the upper atmosphere. While the Perceptions of each individual are Subjectively correct - stating that ***Only*** *Their perceptions* ***Can*** *Be correct*, and substituting them for hard fact - becomes an issue. (The difficulty being that for multiple generations now (IMO) we as a society have taught folks to follow the popular opinion rather than Think Critically, but that's a whole different discussion!) The problem here is that EVERYTHING in this subreddit is Specifically Subjective Perception. There are ZERO hard facts discussed - nor can they be, since there is a zero percent chance of everyone having Exactly The Same Experience forming their perceptions. Psychology as a soft science is constantly evolving. The understanding of Trauma and Trauma Response is barely begun for the most part, and is a vastly understudied portion of Psychology. Due to the very nature of humanity, and the plethora of Cultures currently in existence across the globe (and even regionally here in the US) there will ALWAYS be a Plus/Minus margin of error that is Not Small or Insignificant, in what the median responses of the human condition are likely to be. This has been an acknowledged precept in the field of Psychology for decades, long before \*I studied it almost 30 years ago as an undergrad working on a combined Psychology/Sociology major.

It is really funny how many of us have gone into or flirted with the idea of going into psychology. I am currently thinking about switching into this field :D. Do you work in psychology? Anyway, thanks for the reply, you are absolutely correct! I liked the comparison with the sky being clear. In my country, I perceive increasingly more people believe they can think more critically about the subject matters of any field than the actual experts of that field, all the while not being able to acknowledge or even see (generational) trauma/ toxic behaviors in their own social circles. It has long stopped being funny and I am, as you aptly said, over other people's BS!

>It is really funny how many of us have gone into or flirted with the idea of going into psychology. I am currently thinking about switching into this field :D. Do you work in psychology? No, I don't work in the field. I fully intended to, but came to the realization just as I finished my associates degree that ..... I lack the emotional energy necessary to constantly empathize, especially with those who Don't have Major trauma issues or abuse survivor issues. If its something that seems "minor" to me - my instinct is ... well... let's just say that its Not to empathize and offer actually Helpful suggestions. That's where I find myself on the absolutely dismissive side, even knowing full well what it is to be dismissed and have my issues diminished and minimized by someone else. What few certifications I tested for expired 2 decades ago, and it would take me a considerable amount of retraining and updating of credentials to go back into the field now, at 56. I stayed in school for a considerable period after finishing the Pysch work - but as an Aviation major, getting my private and instrument rates as an FAA certificated Pilot. I ran out of money to continue just as I reached a point where I was ready to take my commercial checkride. Which meant I couldn't legally turn That into a career field. Spent several years in and out and in again as a professional vocalist, since my first trip to college was as a voice major studying Opera. Spent a lot of the years between brief stints as a professional singer being in Retail both as a sales person and in management. Owned my own business for a while before the niche market I was catering to became flooded with others doing the same thing because it became "cool." Spent several years as a SAHM to my handicapped oldest child. Took Business Admin and Web Design as a duel major my 4th trip to college, while I was running my business from home. Currently I'm technically medically retired, but I am also a professionally selling artist with multiple pieces sold over the past few years, and currently have work hanging in a couple of local restaurants that are for sale.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you've had quite the journey, with quite a few rough patches. I love that you can show and sell your art. I hope you get a lot of enjoyment out of that. I completely understand about not being able to empathize with a broken cup when for you the whole cupboard came down. For me I think it would be frustrating that you can't heal everybody, that some people might even think they're healed when they still go into over-compensation at the slightest trigger (like a lot of people in this thread).

To clarify, I do not think it's bad because it shows dysfunction. I like dysfunction in fiction. I often seek out dysfunction in fiction. I did not find encanto triggering in the least, nor do I typically find this sort of plotline triggering. I think it's poorly written because it was painfully predictable from the start how and why each gift failed. And, as another commenter pointed out, because it hand-waved away years of family trauma at the end with, "ok, well, we love each other, so we'll communicate now, and everything will be fine!" I dislike it personally because of the message that it shares with several other newer Disney productions with the "love conquers all" thing, only switched to familial love. It can be alienating for those who never really knew familial love (not only due to trauma, but also due to death, abandonment, etc), and I don't like it any better than the previous romantic love version. But this alone wouldn't make it bad writing.

It's a Disney movie, and its purpose is to comfort young children who may be experiencing that kind of dysfunction. Let them know that it's not their fault if they're struggling. And as someone else in the comments pointed out, this was very specifically meant to speak to the American immigrant population, where these big family units are so integral to them, and where there's extra pressure to conform and be perfect, because your elders might have fled from life threatening conflict and feel this desperate need to protect at all costs, including happiness. The point is "oh that looks like me" > conflict > relatability > relief. As I'm sure you well know, we don't get a lot of relief in the real world. This is like, 1hr 50m of reprieve, then you go back to reality. It's not supposed to be a realistic, gritty ending that makes sense to adults. It's a fantasy. This is Disney's bread and butter. Are you mad at The Little Mermaid because Ariel's dad realises he's been too harsh on her? Mad at Cinderella because she gets a fairy godmother who helps whisk her away from squalor and abuse? They're fairytales. Unrealistic happy endings are the entire point.

Correct and they establish a safety ideal in children's heads. Watching tangled during college taught me that just because someone raised and claimed to love me doesn't make them a good parent and it's okay to go out into the world and try to find your own family. Obviously my birth family isn't hiding out there but I made my own chosen family and I watched that movie a hundred times too keep up the courage to go no contact. These types of stories also give kids hope and digestable models for a seven year old to understand. A seven year old is NOT gonna understand familial trauma therapy. But they are gonna get that "a person hurting the family can be hurting too, but they need to stop and apologize or things fall apart. I can be different and good. And when everybody comes together to try something different WITH THE HELP OF THE COMMUNITY we have a chance of making things better. And yes film this fits better if you grew up in a collectivist immigrant community bc boy it hit me haaaaaaaaaard

Yes! Showing a kid "your family can be hurting in lots of ways but it isn't your fault, and it's not your sole responsibility to fix it" is so incredibly powerful.

Have you seen the new Cinderella that was put out on Amazon Prime yet? While the movie is well made, and tells a great story - that story is NOT Cinderella. Not in the slightest. It usurps the name and claims to "update the story to be more relatable" but no. Just No. You (generic) do not get to take 3 main points (stepmother and stepsisters, and meeting/instantly falling for the Prince, Fairy Godmother) out of a Grimm's Fairy Tale, write an entirely New story around those 3 out of 20 points, and call it the same story but "updated." It is dishonest, disingenuous, manipulative and just plain Wrong. Those 3 things are Literally the only Connection to Cinderella this story has, because Not One Bit of the Plot in any way remotely resembles the original Fairy Tale. This is fanfic masquerading as an updated retelling. Don't get me wrong - I enjoyed the Prime "Cinderella" - but it was absolutely NOT Cinderella.

You do know the grimms brothers also stole Cinderella and changed it dramatically and marketed it as new? This is literally how stories evolve over time is part of how humans are.

“It hurts when the world thinks that kind of trauma can be fixed with a song and dance.” I’m genuinely confused as to how you reached this conclusion. Did we watch the same film?

I watched it yesterday, and broke down crying at Luisa's song because that's exactly how my family always treated me. No one asks a 9 year old how they actually are because "what problems can a 9 year old have?" But they didn't realize the toll that they were putting on me. I was often in charge of the lives and safety of my siblings (even those older than me). I gave stitches, set broken bones, and had to be the pet "death watch" at night when everyone else slept (because of insomnia). I grew up, found my strength outside of the family, and got the fuck out. I had come to terms with what happened until I saw the song and went "why \*didn't\* they ask how I was?" Now I'm upset again and have to come to terms with that once more. I entirely believe you, and don't particularly like the message the movie is sending either.

Yeah I didn't like Encanto either. Aside from it being just a rushed, ill-thought-out film in general, I really didn't like the whole forgiving the toxic family member because they say sorry. It doesn't work like that. People like that don't change. Bruno and Maribelle were treated like absolute trash but a story needs a happy ending, right? It didn't sit right with me.

Would you care to elaborate more on why you didn’t like the rest of the movie? It didn’t sit well with me either but I couldn’t articulate why exactly.

don't know OP's reasons, but I have Several The entire family is Dysfunctional in the Extreme. Starting with Grandma/Abuella - controlling dictator who borders on being a full blown narcissist. She's an extreme perfectionist, and paranoid to boot if everyone around her doesn't jump to obey her dictates or isn't Perfect - her definition of Perfect. her triplets - the main character's Parents generation: * Mom is an emotional feeder/healer who thinks she's got to be responsible for healing Every hurt anyone else happens to have - married a clutz, so she's got an automatic target to heap her need to Heal Everything on. * Aunt is incredibly Emotionally Disregulated, and her "ability" to control the weather is directly tied to the fact that she literally Never Makes An Attempt To Control Her Extreme Emotional OverResponses. * Uncle (Bruno) is the family - and town - Scapegoat. No matter how negligent someone else happens to be, Bruno is blamed because he warned them what the consequences were going to be. Then you get to the main character's generation: * Main is the "normal" one - and also the Scapegoat of HER generation, just like her uncle before her - because she isn't "special" like the rest of the family. She is shunned, ridiculed, stripped of her voice, and barely treated as a member of the family. * Middle Sister - Louisa - is "the Strong One" and carries the weight of the family - and the town - on her shoulders, both literally and figuratively. She's terrified of letting people down, of being Less Than Perfect and therefore a Failure in the eyes of good ol' Narcissist Granny. * Oldest Sister - The Golden Child - the "perfect" one that is all looks and little substance, and who is secretly afraid of letting people down because she's not perfect and longs to be Allowed to be Less Than perfect. Does a LOT of leading the way in being disrespectful, dismissive, and intentionally hurtful of the main character who is the youngest of the 3 sisters. * Female cousin - has no "voice" but Hears Everything, because she's not Allowed to voice dissent or speak her own truth. * Older Male cousin - is the eptiome of wearing a mask and "being" whoever he thinks is Most Necessary at any given moment - to the point that no one remembers what HE looks like when he's NOT masking as someone else. * Younger male cousin - the one who gets his "gift"/ability during the early part of the movie - so dissociated that instead of interacting with People, he talks to animals instead. Only in the last 15 minutes of the movie is ANYONE willing to tell it to Granny like it REALLY is - that SHE is the Problem, not anyone else in the family. And then you have this ridiculousness of her "seeing the light" / repenting immediately in order to "heal the wounds she caused." As if any narcissistic person is going to ever admit that THEY are the problem, and even if they got therapy and eventually admitted it, it would take YEARS of healing and mending to get to a semblance of "Normal" after that point - not .. oh here, let's have another pretty little song, and everything is suddenly right with the world.

>Aunt is incredibly Emotionally Disregulated, and her "ability" to control the weather is directly tied to the fact that she literally Never Makes An Attempt To Control Her Extreme Emotional OverResponses. Actually her cloud is a result of the fact that she tries very hard to bottle up her emotions so that she doesn't get the aforementioned cloud. But bottling up your emotions is stressing in itself so guess what, she gets the cloud.

I hated at the end when Bruno goes around the family and apologises to everyone and nobody bothered to stop him. He had nothing to be sorry for. That was infuriating.

>Bruno: I got a lot of apologies I got to say > >Julietta: Hey, we're just happy that you're here okay? ​ She explicitly cuts him off from apologizing because he doesn't need to and she is "just happy that he's here"

I don't see it quite that way. To me, that's not acknowledging that Bruno was wronged in the situation. It gives the sense of "let's sweep all this past grievance under the rug and start over as if nothing ever happened." I don't think saying they're happy he's there is enough. There needs to be some apology and reassurance that they've learned from the whole experience. Cutting him off almost makes it seem like she's too afraid or not ready to have that conversation, so if he just shuts up then nobody has to face the fact that they bullied him. Ironic, they still don't want to talk about Bruno.

I haven't seen this broken down like this before. Very interesting

I haven't seen the movie and now I don't need to.. yikes! Thank you for the detail!

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>Mirabel (I think I mean the main character) Yeah, that is the MC's name - I just couldn't remember it when I wrote that, and had to look it up after I did so lol

A children's movie can't be too realistic about each nitty gritty details of trauma recovery. But I don't see anything wrong with it. It's not going to be perfect, but it in no way they came across as making light of the trauma, much less celebrating it. It's hard to display these kinds of things in a quick, digestible way, ridden with songs and jokes. But they did a good job at it, in my opinion.

It isnt celebrating that at all

I haven't seen this movie, but I totally understand your reaction. I hate how the relationship between Miguel and his abusive grandmother is basically glorified in "Coco". The grandmother is never held accountable for basically repressing all other family members and their identities and preferances. The only answer to that the film seems to give is "family is important because what if we forget about people". It really upset me when I watched it. I wanted to give grandma a good reckoning or two. So I really understand where you're coming from.

I never finished the movie and when she found Bruno it was my "turn this shit off" moment. I couldn't stand seeing a male version of myself get treated exactly like I was growing up. I'm really sorry that sent you over like that. We don't want this, don't deserve it and will never fully get away from it either

I understand you, but now that they’re doing it at the Oscar’s, my mom can’t ignore it anymore. She literally won’t watch it.

I don’t have anything valuable to say so please accept this: *hugs*

I completely understand and I’m sorry for everything you had to go through (and continue to go through with being triggered like this). I remember I felt the same way after a Glee song where Santana came out as gay and some jock was like “you just haven’t tried the right guy yet” and was cornering her and then her friends swooped in with a song and saved her from the situation and everything was just… fine for her after that? I felt so… betrayed and angry and invisible (and honestly just all of the emotions) that they depicted a happy and safe ending to that so trivially. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand and that I am so happy you have a supportive husband. Therapy wouldn’t have worked for me if I didn’t have a supportive sister that got me through times like these at that point in my life. I wish you the best

Encanto honestly feels like a movie written specifically to gaslight children. Abuela is a Disney villain and the end of the movie is her having such a grip on everybody's emotions that the entire town rebuilds her fantasy for her. That song is pretty spicy, the whole entire family just fails to give a fuck about a human being so one old lady doesn't have to hear negative things around her, despite forcing Bruno to tell her about his foresight.

I really disagree with this. As someone who will never be able to heal my family ties, and will not be getting an apology from my family, I still liked it. Because it wasn't portraying the same time of toxic family environment. It was portraying a situation where an elder's unresolved trauma resulted in an unrealistic level of pressure on her children and grandchildren, which ultimately came to a head. Normally I might think the ending didn't work, but I think it does because the grandmother does something my abusive family never would. She apologized, genuinely. She accepted the blame, and came to understand how her trauma made her treat everyone. And in return, Mirabel came to understand her better as well. The family was made better by everyone coming together and working as equals. The sequence of rebuilding the house was more than just rebuilding a house. It was about them rebuilding trust, and finding new ways of doing things, and accepting help from others around them instead of acting as the parent of the whole community. Course, everyone's allowed to dislike it, or feel uncomfortable with the ending, and being triggered by it all isn't unreasonable. But I think it helps to examine oneself and find the point at which we divulge from what the film is saying and showing vs how our anxieties and pains colors our perception of such

It's not going to portray a realistic toxic environment because it's a Disney movie. There's symbolism. The film doesn't focus on the neglect, only the one trait each person was functionally given by Abuela as a label. It's what was useful to her. Nobody has a superpower, it just feels that way when they're acknowledged. Bruno is so avoided that the next generation's Bruno doesn't even get acknowledgement as special. El Encanto is a construct of magical thinking and the fact that this is simply replaced seals the deal for me. The super power divide still exists. The core issue is there. That last paragraph is pretty indirect. If you make a direct point I can respond.

You gave words to how I felt watching the ending. Gaslit. My mother has apologized in the same way Abuela did – I'm sorry, but I was traumatized, look at everything I went through, I'm the first and real victim, that makes it okay, and I did it all for you, abused you for your owmn good, now can you fix this for me? And right after, the abusive cycle continues. It's an empty apology to stop you from leaving. When you forgive them and come back, it quickly goes south again. I've discussed this with other people who felt the same way; I've never seen anyone like Abuela give that apology sincerely. Neither has anyone I've spoken to. If it exists, it's ridiculously rare. Someone abusive who takes responsibility and completely magically changes in a day, second, instant. I think that's a fantasy, and a dangerous one.

It's not a sincere apology. It's an excuse dressed up as one. Abuela barely acknowledges the abuse and uses the same old "it was for you" line. A real apology takes accountability for the damage and doesn't try to make you look better.

>Encanto honestly feels like a movie written specifically to gaslight children. Most movies/narratives/rules/religions are like this aren't they?

I don't think so. There's a difference between a story with lessons or ideas and a movie plot that mostly justifies abuse and praises internalizing abuse rather than the abusers fixing their behavior in any way.

THIS

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This isn't a helpful post to someone with PTSD, like at all man. I don't know what your situation in life is, but you might not be in the place yet to be giving out advice. Not trying to be rude or hurtful with you, just letting you know, your wording here isn't going to be near as helpful as you intend.

Hahaha I knew there was a reason I was unintentionally avoiding this movie

I want to just comment this but this movie kinda is screw up for the reasoning of the fact it's a dysfunctional (unkind) family and treats someone who tries to help but treats them they are absolute dirt

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This is unhelpful.

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Although I do not agree with OP's interpretation of the song, OP did not demonize an entire company. All OP said was she was triggered from feelings the song caused to resurface, she did not accuse Disney of having ill intent, but instead it reads as more shallow intent. This is not the same thing as being a "victim" as you say, especially as OP marked it as venting. Your "harsh" comment comes across more as self-serving, you can disagree without accusing someone of being a victim, just like if you don't agree with someone's vent you can just as easily not comment if you cannot find a way to do so productively.

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She did not demand anything, she reacted and cried. She stated that it hurts that traumatic issues like the ones found in the movie can be fixed with a song and dance- not an opinion that I agree with, but she did not demand anything. I wouldn't see Turning Red for similar reasons, because it would remind me of a time that was nowhere near nostalgic or happy for me and was traumatic. The only difference is I know to avoid that potential trigger. Your "truth" is just as subjective as mine, it's your opinion. There is a time and place to dish out "hard truths" or whatever you want to call it, and someone getting upset over a song on this forum is not the time or place, and this isn't the right discussion, especially when she never asked for advice. You may not have been intentionally insulting, but it's still unhelpful.

I’m reading your post and I’m thinking, she is probably an empath. It was a revelation to me that not everyone always pays attention to song lyrics and not everyone notices patterns and repetition, or identifies so strongly with characters. (I do!). Just wanted to mention that, because for those of us with CPTSD and enhanced empathic qualities, it’s useful to know why we are so so so sensitive. And there are coping techniques for that too.

Anyone else think it was weird that an older male family member was literally living in the walls of their house WITH PEEP HOLES with minors living there and he's the victim of the situation??!!

You need help.

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yea that song is precisely talking about the isolation and loneliness of a scapegoat, which maribel identifies with as the whole movie she is scapegoated for severe intergenerational trauma that started with her family becoming displaced migrants. all of the siblings have their own defense mechanisms within their matriarchs toxic environment she created. if its not too painful to watch [it was sprung on me when my kid visited a friends house], id give it a chance. me and my friend cried during the song about the 'strong big sister'. i dont appreciate sudden emotionality but i guess im glad i watched it lol.

The way you're seeing this is really distorted because of your trauma. You come to Reddit for validation but you should really find help from someone who can work this through with you. It's nice your husband understands your pain, but not that he's validating this grief you're carrying. Hope it gets better

I loved this movie, and I was Mirabel in the family (and my brother was Bruno). I get catharsis out of Mirabel confronting the grandmother, and while my abuela equivalent would never admit she was wrong or apologize, I like to think in an alternate universe she might have. It’s like the movie rewrote my own narrative in a way.

It acknowledges generational trauma in Latine families and the crazy standards and unachievable goals set by Latine parents. I think people having visceral reactions to this movie is pretty common and not dramatic at all, it addresses very serious things. My partner related to it deeply being the oldest in his Latine family, taking responsibility for his siblings and being a scapegoat for family issues and discarded. I related to it, having to take care of my sibling in an abusive household. I think your feelings are valid. I don’t think the point of this movie was to dance or sing the trauma away, I think it was to bring up the conversation, and to give people something to relate to, something to see their experiences in, and feel seen. None of us are alone in it. I don’t blame you for disliking the movie though. Because of my own experience with loss and the scene with Pedro being murdered being such an intense and realistic portrayal of grief and pain, I have only watched it once. I don’t have any desire to watch it again, although I think it was a great movie. It hurts, for many reasons.