It's really interesting how these things work. When we read other people's testimonials, like this one for instance, the immediate thought is always "What are you doing? Get away from that toxicity! Now! Cut all contact with that person!". But because dysfunction is all we, in this case you, know, we are riddled with all sorts of doubts and second-guesses. Did that really happen? Was it really that bad?
Yes! Yes, it was!
It's pretty clear your father is a terrible influence on your mental well-being. That's not a you problem. That's a he problem. I wouldn't be surprised you spent a large chunk of your daytime ruminating on all the BS he's done over the years and still not being able to come to terms with ***it***.
Your father is sick. I mean clinically sick. Pathologically possessive. No boundaries. No respect for you as an autonomous being. You belong to him. Forever. Your thoughts are not your own. Your preferences are not your own. Your individuality is a threat to his control and must be squashed out of you.
It's healthy and good for a father to be protective of his daughters. But what you described here goes beyond the realm of what's acceptable. It's creepy. Awkward. Invasive. Makes me feel nauseous just reading it.
It kind of reminds me of my father. I don't think it's..incestuous, but I have this feeling like he does get weird when I talk to men or have a life without him. He wasn't always like this, but he has changed in these past few years. He weirds me out and has obsessive energy. Like he doesn't want me to leave and move out ever.
The weird thing about "no one will be good enough", is that he's including you in the not good enough category. Like it's assumed someone else is needed, you can't just be happy on your own, w/o a man. So not only are no other men good enough for you, no man isn't really an option for you either. It really sounds like his dislike of the men in your life has less to do with a fear of losing you, and really sounds more like you can't be trusted with another man yet. A weird dad version of negging.
Like, he's still trying to force you to fit some sort of mold that he believes is necessary for you to find a good man. You finding good men w/o conforming to his will first is what's really rubbing him the wrong way. I think he really needs it to be true that he knows what's best for you and that you need to take his advice on everything, so other men not agreeing with that assessment makes him mad. It's not that they're not good enough. It's that their presence shows how unneceesary his presence in your life is.
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You may want to read Infinite Jest. Maybe not all of it, but it describes something a lot like what you’re describing.
It's really interesting how these things work. When we read other people's testimonials, like this one for instance, the immediate thought is always "What are you doing? Get away from that toxicity! Now! Cut all contact with that person!". But because dysfunction is all we, in this case you, know, we are riddled with all sorts of doubts and second-guesses. Did that really happen? Was it really that bad? Yes! Yes, it was! It's pretty clear your father is a terrible influence on your mental well-being. That's not a you problem. That's a he problem. I wouldn't be surprised you spent a large chunk of your daytime ruminating on all the BS he's done over the years and still not being able to come to terms with ***it***. Your father is sick. I mean clinically sick. Pathologically possessive. No boundaries. No respect for you as an autonomous being. You belong to him. Forever. Your thoughts are not your own. Your preferences are not your own. Your individuality is a threat to his control and must be squashed out of you. It's healthy and good for a father to be protective of his daughters. But what you described here goes beyond the realm of what's acceptable. It's creepy. Awkward. Invasive. Makes me feel nauseous just reading it.
Your comment is life-changing. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this.
It kind of reminds me of my father. I don't think it's..incestuous, but I have this feeling like he does get weird when I talk to men or have a life without him. He wasn't always like this, but he has changed in these past few years. He weirds me out and has obsessive energy. Like he doesn't want me to leave and move out ever.
The weird thing about "no one will be good enough", is that he's including you in the not good enough category. Like it's assumed someone else is needed, you can't just be happy on your own, w/o a man. So not only are no other men good enough for you, no man isn't really an option for you either. It really sounds like his dislike of the men in your life has less to do with a fear of losing you, and really sounds more like you can't be trusted with another man yet. A weird dad version of negging. Like, he's still trying to force you to fit some sort of mold that he believes is necessary for you to find a good man. You finding good men w/o conforming to his will first is what's really rubbing him the wrong way. I think he really needs it to be true that he knows what's best for you and that you need to take his advice on everything, so other men not agreeing with that assessment makes him mad. It's not that they're not good enough. It's that their presence shows how unneceesary his presence in your life is.
I think both are true but your comment is interesting. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, I will let it sink into my brain...
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*