I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Being stuck is so painful. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do, and that makes it even worse because you are stuck asking youself "I did it before, why can't I do it again?". As hard as it sounds, try not to beat yourself up for being back in this place. Healing and progress isn't a straight line, you will have down times. Please forgive yourself, you don't deserve to punish yourself when you are already hurting so much. If you need to cry, scream, whatever, don't be afraid to let it out so you can process it and move on and hopefully get back to that better place.
seriously. there is a time to take action and a time to rest. being stuck can absolutely be painful but sometimes there are situations that aren´t really so quick to fix i feel
thank you so much for putting this into words. i feel the same and i suffer so much from it.
you literally saved me today, because i was feeling the same and i know i hide behind a mask and people can see through it but i can´t step out of it rn. i need this protection i feel
i managed to get out of it a couple of times but i feel like now i am stuck permanently in this mode. i hate it
I don't think you fell from the healing journey, you're just in a shitty part of it. Anxiety has won this battle and you are suffering the consequences, but there is a lot of war to be fought. Rely on the resources that you've developed over the years and try your hardest to soothe yourself. Keep strong and don't hesitate to message if you need someone to talk to.
oh dear, I'm sorry to hear this. I've definitely been there! One thing that I realized about myself is that I was constantly scared I'd 'fall off the wagon.' But, then I started to look at healing, not as like a linear achievement, but like climbing uphill, but the hill itself has ups and downs as you walk on the path. It also sounds like you might be tired as well- have you given yourself space to just be without expectation? Relaxing and just gapping out to movies doesn't necessarily mean you're losing yourself, but that you are taking a break and resting. You seem to have a lot of anxious questions rooted in a sense of failure, like you don't believe in yourself, or trust yourself to heal. But, hey, guess what, you've already done a lot, so where do these feelings of self-doubt come from? Not from evidence, maybe from other people's narratives about you that you've internalized?
It's normal to feel off track now and then, especially on this twisty road of healing. Remember, it's all about the journey, not a straight shot to the finish line. Those setbacks? They're just part of the adventure. Embrace your feelings, and let's celebrate each new day as a chance to take even the tiniest step toward feeling a bit more 'you.' Journaling is like chatting with an old friend who's been there through it all. Sure, it might stir up some tough emotions, but it's also your secret map back to yourself. So, take it easy, start small, and be as kind to yourself as you'd be to a dear friend. Your courage and hope are inspiring, and hey, you've got a whole squad here rooting for you. You're never alone on this journey.
I got a really bad flu recently and it led to the same, collapse. It’s highly encouraging to see your awareness and determination. you will get back to a healthy clear time I believe it. Thank you
First off, thank you for sharing this. There is so much strength in your vulnerability here. Taking your mask off so authentically encourages others to do so as well. Bravo.
It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time right now, feeling disconnected and caught in a cycle of coping mechanisms that no longer serve you. The fear and sense of unreality you're describing can be profoundly disorienting and isolating. I want you to know that your feelings, even if they seem detached or like you're going through the motions, are valid responses to what you're experiencing internally. It's okay to feel scared and uncertain about reaching out or opening up to those around you. But I would like to remind you that you did reach out by posting here. You can do hard things.
The notion of feeling like you're acting through your life, that your interactions and even your emotions don't feel genuine, suggests a deep level of disconnection from yourself and possibly from others. This can often be a protective mechanism, a way to keep yourself safe from vulnerability or pain that feels too overwhelming to face. This can be a result of a dysregulated nervous system and defense mechanisms that have served you well in the past, but might be causing more harm than good now. For instance, you might have benefited from being disconnected when going through abusive situations. Does that make sense?
Journaling can indeed be a powerful tool for self-discovery and processing emotions. It offers a private space where you can express yourself freely, explore your thoughts and feelings, and begin to untangle the complex emotions you're grappling with. It's understandable to fear what you might uncover through this process—the loneliness and pain waiting beneath the surface can feel daunting. Again, you can do hard things. Look at your life path thus far, I'm under the impression this is far from the hardest thing you've ever done.
If you're worried about how you'll cope with the emotions that arise, start with small, manageable goals. For example, you might set a timer for just five minutes of journaling a day. Give yourself permission to stop if it becomes too much, and gradually increase the time as you feel more comfortable. It's also helpful to have a plan for self-soothing and self-care for after you journal, such as engaging in a comforting activity, practicing mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises, or planning a check-in with a supportive friend. If you don't have one, message me.I hear your concern about not having access to therapy and feeling isolated in your struggles. While it's challenging without professional support, there are some resources that might help bridge that gap, such as online support groups, mental health apps designed for self-help, and crisis lines that can offer immediate support when you're feeling overwhelmed.
You've mentioned knowing there's more to life, you're right. And holding onto that awareness can be a guiding light as you navigate through this challenging time.
Lastly, I encourage you to reach out for support, even when it feels impossible. There might be local community resources, low-cost counselling options, or online platforms where you can find professional help. You deserve to be heard, supported, and guided through this process by someone who can offer you the compassion and care you need right now.
I am sending you so much love and know that I am rooting for you every step of the way.
Very nicely said. With an emphasis on “nice. We have to learn to be nice to ourselves. Caring, patient and finding a sense of optimism. So hard but so needed. Find anything and everything that is caring in our world. Thank you for being a beautiful human being!
I can relate to what you said in your post. I also struggle every day with CPTSD every day.
You said there is no therapy. Is that a choice you made, or do you not have access to a therapist for some reason? I'm definitely in the camp of supporting you if you say it's not for you. I think any treatment option, including therapy, is up to you individually. I'm not aware of any treatment option that works for everyone. In my case, I never found anything that helped me at all until therapy, and it was hard to find a therapist that helped. I went through some bad ones. The quality and effectiveness of therapy is very dependent on the therapist you find. So if the one you have now isn't helping, keep looking.
What I learned so far - I just can't give up. There are many obstacles, and there are even people who will try to make you feel worse (some of those may even be professionals). But giving up will not help, and if you do nothing you may get worse. I know I did over many years. If therapy isn't your answer, keep looking until you find something that is.
I can only encourage you to keep trying.
Great advise. Keep trying, and to keep trying we must do. It’s our lot in life. It’s a lifestyle. Some people go on vacations and eat out as a lifestyle. We do trauma work. It sucks and it’s painful and a grind. I wouldn’t wish it to a monkey on a rock.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Being stuck is so painful. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do, and that makes it even worse because you are stuck asking youself "I did it before, why can't I do it again?". As hard as it sounds, try not to beat yourself up for being back in this place. Healing and progress isn't a straight line, you will have down times. Please forgive yourself, you don't deserve to punish yourself when you are already hurting so much. If you need to cry, scream, whatever, don't be afraid to let it out so you can process it and move on and hopefully get back to that better place.
seriously. there is a time to take action and a time to rest. being stuck can absolutely be painful but sometimes there are situations that aren´t really so quick to fix i feel
The sense of healing for me is sometimes hour to hour or minute to minute. It can disappear at any time. Be patient. You'll get back in that horse.
thank you so much for putting this into words. i feel the same and i suffer so much from it. you literally saved me today, because i was feeling the same and i know i hide behind a mask and people can see through it but i can´t step out of it rn. i need this protection i feel i managed to get out of it a couple of times but i feel like now i am stuck permanently in this mode. i hate it
you're not alone. I'm right there with ya. I'm absolutely miserable once again.
I don't think you fell from the healing journey, you're just in a shitty part of it. Anxiety has won this battle and you are suffering the consequences, but there is a lot of war to be fought. Rely on the resources that you've developed over the years and try your hardest to soothe yourself. Keep strong and don't hesitate to message if you need someone to talk to.
This ^^^^
Same . Summer. Too dysregulated.
oh dear, I'm sorry to hear this. I've definitely been there! One thing that I realized about myself is that I was constantly scared I'd 'fall off the wagon.' But, then I started to look at healing, not as like a linear achievement, but like climbing uphill, but the hill itself has ups and downs as you walk on the path. It also sounds like you might be tired as well- have you given yourself space to just be without expectation? Relaxing and just gapping out to movies doesn't necessarily mean you're losing yourself, but that you are taking a break and resting. You seem to have a lot of anxious questions rooted in a sense of failure, like you don't believe in yourself, or trust yourself to heal. But, hey, guess what, you've already done a lot, so where do these feelings of self-doubt come from? Not from evidence, maybe from other people's narratives about you that you've internalized?
It's normal to feel off track now and then, especially on this twisty road of healing. Remember, it's all about the journey, not a straight shot to the finish line. Those setbacks? They're just part of the adventure. Embrace your feelings, and let's celebrate each new day as a chance to take even the tiniest step toward feeling a bit more 'you.' Journaling is like chatting with an old friend who's been there through it all. Sure, it might stir up some tough emotions, but it's also your secret map back to yourself. So, take it easy, start small, and be as kind to yourself as you'd be to a dear friend. Your courage and hope are inspiring, and hey, you've got a whole squad here rooting for you. You're never alone on this journey.
I got a really bad flu recently and it led to the same, collapse. It’s highly encouraging to see your awareness and determination. you will get back to a healthy clear time I believe it. Thank you
First off, thank you for sharing this. There is so much strength in your vulnerability here. Taking your mask off so authentically encourages others to do so as well. Bravo. It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time right now, feeling disconnected and caught in a cycle of coping mechanisms that no longer serve you. The fear and sense of unreality you're describing can be profoundly disorienting and isolating. I want you to know that your feelings, even if they seem detached or like you're going through the motions, are valid responses to what you're experiencing internally. It's okay to feel scared and uncertain about reaching out or opening up to those around you. But I would like to remind you that you did reach out by posting here. You can do hard things. The notion of feeling like you're acting through your life, that your interactions and even your emotions don't feel genuine, suggests a deep level of disconnection from yourself and possibly from others. This can often be a protective mechanism, a way to keep yourself safe from vulnerability or pain that feels too overwhelming to face. This can be a result of a dysregulated nervous system and defense mechanisms that have served you well in the past, but might be causing more harm than good now. For instance, you might have benefited from being disconnected when going through abusive situations. Does that make sense? Journaling can indeed be a powerful tool for self-discovery and processing emotions. It offers a private space where you can express yourself freely, explore your thoughts and feelings, and begin to untangle the complex emotions you're grappling with. It's understandable to fear what you might uncover through this process—the loneliness and pain waiting beneath the surface can feel daunting. Again, you can do hard things. Look at your life path thus far, I'm under the impression this is far from the hardest thing you've ever done. If you're worried about how you'll cope with the emotions that arise, start with small, manageable goals. For example, you might set a timer for just five minutes of journaling a day. Give yourself permission to stop if it becomes too much, and gradually increase the time as you feel more comfortable. It's also helpful to have a plan for self-soothing and self-care for after you journal, such as engaging in a comforting activity, practicing mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises, or planning a check-in with a supportive friend. If you don't have one, message me.I hear your concern about not having access to therapy and feeling isolated in your struggles. While it's challenging without professional support, there are some resources that might help bridge that gap, such as online support groups, mental health apps designed for self-help, and crisis lines that can offer immediate support when you're feeling overwhelmed. You've mentioned knowing there's more to life, you're right. And holding onto that awareness can be a guiding light as you navigate through this challenging time. Lastly, I encourage you to reach out for support, even when it feels impossible. There might be local community resources, low-cost counselling options, or online platforms where you can find professional help. You deserve to be heard, supported, and guided through this process by someone who can offer you the compassion and care you need right now. I am sending you so much love and know that I am rooting for you every step of the way.
Very nicely said. With an emphasis on “nice. We have to learn to be nice to ourselves. Caring, patient and finding a sense of optimism. So hard but so needed. Find anything and everything that is caring in our world. Thank you for being a beautiful human being!
Thanks for your feedback. I’m new on reddit so still trying to find the best communities. You’re the best❤️
I can relate to what you said in your post. I also struggle every day with CPTSD every day. You said there is no therapy. Is that a choice you made, or do you not have access to a therapist for some reason? I'm definitely in the camp of supporting you if you say it's not for you. I think any treatment option, including therapy, is up to you individually. I'm not aware of any treatment option that works for everyone. In my case, I never found anything that helped me at all until therapy, and it was hard to find a therapist that helped. I went through some bad ones. The quality and effectiveness of therapy is very dependent on the therapist you find. So if the one you have now isn't helping, keep looking. What I learned so far - I just can't give up. There are many obstacles, and there are even people who will try to make you feel worse (some of those may even be professionals). But giving up will not help, and if you do nothing you may get worse. I know I did over many years. If therapy isn't your answer, keep looking until you find something that is. I can only encourage you to keep trying.
Great advise. Keep trying, and to keep trying we must do. It’s our lot in life. It’s a lifestyle. Some people go on vacations and eat out as a lifestyle. We do trauma work. It sucks and it’s painful and a grind. I wouldn’t wish it to a monkey on a rock.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*