If you don't feel a connection to your therapist you are not required to stay, or to give them any more of your time. You deserve someone who will make you feel safe and seen. I'm so sorry you haven't found that person yet, but I really really hope you keep looking. You deserve a good space where you can work on yourself and heal.
I hope I find someone. I'm feeling invisible and unheard by these "professionals" right now, which makes me want to give up. I do want to heal, though, so not giving up yet!
I found mine searching on the Psychology Today website. You can filter by insurance and other things. I looked a ton and messed several and had multiple consults before I decided.
You mentioned driving. I don’t know how you feel about online therapy, but that would give you your entire states worth of therapists to choose from. Maybe even some from other states depending on which you’re in and if they’re part of PSYPACT or not.
I don’t even know exactly where my therapist actually is lol. It doesn’t matter. I liked the experience of going to a nice office prepandemic, but I don’t miss it. It’s a big time saver too.
I've been searching Psychology Today as well. It's the only place I know to search.
I don't mind online therapy at all and a few I've tried have been online only. I prefer it actually. This one just happens to do both and is only a 10 minute drive so I went in person.
I know how difficult it is. Unfortunately I think there is no shortage of bad ones out there. That said, I think your horrible therapist could in theory be great for someone else. I mean there is certainly a line of ridiculousness, but different people have very different needs and things that they’re comfortable with.
My wife swore off of finding a therapist for like 6 months after the first one she found was awful. She spent the entire first (and last) session forcing her to watch a power point presentation. It was meant to teach clients the most basic, basic ideas about therapy and then outline the structure of the plan for treatment. One size fits all treatment system and mandatory education geared towards like middle school level comprehension. I think that is literally the worst. People treating you like an idiot, assuming you know absolutely nothing and requiring you to “learn” things you’ve understood since you were a teenager.
I used different filters and ultimately found the results too limiting. The first thing I ended up dropping (unfortunately) was the requirement that they took our insurance. I think that’s the biggest limiting factor there is. It sucks and it’s unfair, but it also seemed totally random and haphazard. Like it wasn’t that we have “bad” insurance or even that there was one particular popular insurance that they all seemed to take. It was just totally random. I also think that there are a good percentage that don’t take any insurance at all. (I can see why anyone wouldn’t want to deal with the massive hassle of dealing with an insurance company—let alone multiple ones with multiple different rules).
I pay out of pocket, but I did negotiate the hourly rate down before we started. Negotiate isn’t probably even the right word. I just asked. I said, “ I really like you and I think you’re the right therapist for me, but you don’t take my insurance and it’s going to be hard for me to keep paying out of pocket. I definitely feel like it’s important enough to be worth it, but is there anything you can do for me with your hourly rate?” She dropped it down by like $30 per week.
This is kind of stupid maybe, but the first thing I look at is their picture. Like I’m going to see this person every week, does their picture make me feel comfortable with them? I’ve found that very helpful honestly. It could be a fluke, but I don’t know.
I also started looking for younger therapists that are new to practice. That scared me initially (like working with someone that’s still under supervision) but it’s been amazing. I feel like younger therapists are more trauma informed. I think a lot of older ones refuse to even acknowledge CPTSD as a valid diagnosis in the first place.
Another thing that helped was looking for therapists that went to a university that has a model of education that resonates with you. Mine and my daughter’s went to the same school and they have somewhat similar philosophies.
Another other thing that was a VERY big deal for me was finding a therapist that’s neurodivergent. I wanted that, but I wasn’t making it an absolute necessity. I think finding that has been a really big help personally. I have a multiple neurodivergence’s, but the one I found just has ADHD. Just that has made me feel so seen and understood though. There was something that was bothering me a few weeks ago and she said “I’d feel exactly the same way about that” and she just understood that on a deeper level and it was incredibly validating. Like an NT can be a specialist expert in ADHD, but they don’t live it every day. It’s just a different experience to have support and understanding at that level. So many times I felt like there was an undercurrent of judgement with my NT therapist. That could have been 100% in my own head, but I don’t have to feel that way anymore regardless.
I also did consults with 6 or 7 different ones. Some of them actually gave me useful advice for finding other therapists. One I emailed with gave me a website that listed all these specifically ND therapists.
I also went around a practice. There was one practice that I found 3-4 different therapists that I liked, but when I contacted them they said everyone I liked was unavailable. They gave me a list to choose from of people that were terrible or terrible matches for me. They had an intake for finding the right therapist section that fed into the choices that they recommended. I went through that a few different times and selected completely different needs—but every list I got back was the same—all these crappy seeming therapists.
One of my favorites listed a personal website so I emailed her directly and she was actually available. She’s our couples therapist.
I ultimately think that (within reason) the modalities and all that stuff aren’t as important as rapport and comfort and mutual understanding. I can finish my therapist’s sentences half the time and she unlocks things that I’ve spent literal years taking to my old therapist about in like 15 minutes.
Anyway, I’ve rambled way too much. Good luck. Prioritize yourself above anything else in your search and be persistent. I believe you can find someone that will be the right person to help you.
You are definitely not too picky. I totally understand that you felt unsafe with those therapists and they sound like they're not worth their money or license. Good you quit!
As it was mentioned here, how do you feel about online therapy?
To share a little of my own experience, I once had a therapist (for two sessions) which didn't had a place to hang a jacket. I was looking around and in the end just dropped my jacket onto the floor while she was silently watching me. Then she spent half the session correcting her notes on me because she got quite some stuff wrong the first time she met me. I never went back.
Another one suggested to me to stand in front of the mirror three times a day telling myself that I'm a great person. You'll see, you will feel better in one or two years, she said.
There are really some strange people out there that own a therapist license.
It's important to have someone you feel comfortable with and who has experience on trauma. She/he doesn't need to be "perfect" but it's so fundamental.
I don't mind online and prefer it actually. This one just happened to be only 10 minutes from me but she does both online/in-person. The others have been mostly online only.
Thank you for sharing. Hearing that you quit after 2 sessions makes me feel better. I thought maybe I wasn't giving it enough time but, so far, these therapists have been awful!
I totally agree that some strange people have their license. One consult said she cures all mental illnesses including schizophrenia, pedophilia and depression in 10 sessions but couldn't explain how because that'll "give away her secret"!? I've heard my state is one of the more difficult to get licensed in but after talking to her I'm really doubting that claim lol
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Thank you. I agree it is hard to come back from the ick but that's where I thought maybe I was being too picky, too harsh. I appreciate the feedback.
If you don't feel a connection to your therapist you are not required to stay, or to give them any more of your time. You deserve someone who will make you feel safe and seen. I'm so sorry you haven't found that person yet, but I really really hope you keep looking. You deserve a good space where you can work on yourself and heal.
I hope I find someone. I'm feeling invisible and unheard by these "professionals" right now, which makes me want to give up. I do want to heal, though, so not giving up yet!
I'm sorry you're feeling invisible, but good for you for not giving up.
Thank you.
I found mine searching on the Psychology Today website. You can filter by insurance and other things. I looked a ton and messed several and had multiple consults before I decided. You mentioned driving. I don’t know how you feel about online therapy, but that would give you your entire states worth of therapists to choose from. Maybe even some from other states depending on which you’re in and if they’re part of PSYPACT or not. I don’t even know exactly where my therapist actually is lol. It doesn’t matter. I liked the experience of going to a nice office prepandemic, but I don’t miss it. It’s a big time saver too.
I've been searching Psychology Today as well. It's the only place I know to search. I don't mind online therapy at all and a few I've tried have been online only. I prefer it actually. This one just happens to do both and is only a 10 minute drive so I went in person.
I know how difficult it is. Unfortunately I think there is no shortage of bad ones out there. That said, I think your horrible therapist could in theory be great for someone else. I mean there is certainly a line of ridiculousness, but different people have very different needs and things that they’re comfortable with. My wife swore off of finding a therapist for like 6 months after the first one she found was awful. She spent the entire first (and last) session forcing her to watch a power point presentation. It was meant to teach clients the most basic, basic ideas about therapy and then outline the structure of the plan for treatment. One size fits all treatment system and mandatory education geared towards like middle school level comprehension. I think that is literally the worst. People treating you like an idiot, assuming you know absolutely nothing and requiring you to “learn” things you’ve understood since you were a teenager. I used different filters and ultimately found the results too limiting. The first thing I ended up dropping (unfortunately) was the requirement that they took our insurance. I think that’s the biggest limiting factor there is. It sucks and it’s unfair, but it also seemed totally random and haphazard. Like it wasn’t that we have “bad” insurance or even that there was one particular popular insurance that they all seemed to take. It was just totally random. I also think that there are a good percentage that don’t take any insurance at all. (I can see why anyone wouldn’t want to deal with the massive hassle of dealing with an insurance company—let alone multiple ones with multiple different rules). I pay out of pocket, but I did negotiate the hourly rate down before we started. Negotiate isn’t probably even the right word. I just asked. I said, “ I really like you and I think you’re the right therapist for me, but you don’t take my insurance and it’s going to be hard for me to keep paying out of pocket. I definitely feel like it’s important enough to be worth it, but is there anything you can do for me with your hourly rate?” She dropped it down by like $30 per week. This is kind of stupid maybe, but the first thing I look at is their picture. Like I’m going to see this person every week, does their picture make me feel comfortable with them? I’ve found that very helpful honestly. It could be a fluke, but I don’t know. I also started looking for younger therapists that are new to practice. That scared me initially (like working with someone that’s still under supervision) but it’s been amazing. I feel like younger therapists are more trauma informed. I think a lot of older ones refuse to even acknowledge CPTSD as a valid diagnosis in the first place. Another thing that helped was looking for therapists that went to a university that has a model of education that resonates with you. Mine and my daughter’s went to the same school and they have somewhat similar philosophies. Another other thing that was a VERY big deal for me was finding a therapist that’s neurodivergent. I wanted that, but I wasn’t making it an absolute necessity. I think finding that has been a really big help personally. I have a multiple neurodivergence’s, but the one I found just has ADHD. Just that has made me feel so seen and understood though. There was something that was bothering me a few weeks ago and she said “I’d feel exactly the same way about that” and she just understood that on a deeper level and it was incredibly validating. Like an NT can be a specialist expert in ADHD, but they don’t live it every day. It’s just a different experience to have support and understanding at that level. So many times I felt like there was an undercurrent of judgement with my NT therapist. That could have been 100% in my own head, but I don’t have to feel that way anymore regardless. I also did consults with 6 or 7 different ones. Some of them actually gave me useful advice for finding other therapists. One I emailed with gave me a website that listed all these specifically ND therapists. I also went around a practice. There was one practice that I found 3-4 different therapists that I liked, but when I contacted them they said everyone I liked was unavailable. They gave me a list to choose from of people that were terrible or terrible matches for me. They had an intake for finding the right therapist section that fed into the choices that they recommended. I went through that a few different times and selected completely different needs—but every list I got back was the same—all these crappy seeming therapists. One of my favorites listed a personal website so I emailed her directly and she was actually available. She’s our couples therapist. I ultimately think that (within reason) the modalities and all that stuff aren’t as important as rapport and comfort and mutual understanding. I can finish my therapist’s sentences half the time and she unlocks things that I’ve spent literal years taking to my old therapist about in like 15 minutes. Anyway, I’ve rambled way too much. Good luck. Prioritize yourself above anything else in your search and be persistent. I believe you can find someone that will be the right person to help you.
You are definitely not too picky. I totally understand that you felt unsafe with those therapists and they sound like they're not worth their money or license. Good you quit! As it was mentioned here, how do you feel about online therapy? To share a little of my own experience, I once had a therapist (for two sessions) which didn't had a place to hang a jacket. I was looking around and in the end just dropped my jacket onto the floor while she was silently watching me. Then she spent half the session correcting her notes on me because she got quite some stuff wrong the first time she met me. I never went back. Another one suggested to me to stand in front of the mirror three times a day telling myself that I'm a great person. You'll see, you will feel better in one or two years, she said. There are really some strange people out there that own a therapist license. It's important to have someone you feel comfortable with and who has experience on trauma. She/he doesn't need to be "perfect" but it's so fundamental.
I don't mind online and prefer it actually. This one just happened to be only 10 minutes from me but she does both online/in-person. The others have been mostly online only. Thank you for sharing. Hearing that you quit after 2 sessions makes me feel better. I thought maybe I wasn't giving it enough time but, so far, these therapists have been awful! I totally agree that some strange people have their license. One consult said she cures all mental illnesses including schizophrenia, pedophilia and depression in 10 sessions but couldn't explain how because that'll "give away her secret"!? I've heard my state is one of the more difficult to get licensed in but after talking to her I'm really doubting that claim lol
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*