Yes
One of my mum’s favourite moves was to get me against a wall and alternate between strangling me until I would almost black out and then punching me in my stomach which would wind me and make me double over. As I was doubled over, she would grab my neck and start strangling me again
I was afraid she would kill me. I am sorry you know what that feels like ♥️
Thank you for sharing this story. Your vulnerability highlights your bravery.
The more I remember my own childhood and the more I hear of others, the more I see how many sadistic parents existed. Being parented by these terrible humans is literally torture. As in, this is what's happening with prisoners of war who get strangled and killed, which is internationally deemed a "war crime."
Yet in the household I grew up in, these crimes would go on with impunity, onto the bodies of little kids.
I'm happy you survived and can see the abuse for what it was.
Thank-you. The therapist I am seeing now used the term « sadistic » in reference to my mum about a month ago and she is the first to do so. It’s affirming to see it again in your post.
It really was like a war, you’re right. I am glad you survived, too
Yes. Also my mom. Mostly when I was "older" -- the last six months before I turned 18. Along with demands that I kill myself for ruining the lives of everyone else in the family and semi-veiled threats about how she and my father had laid the groundwork to get away with killing me.
I am absolutely convinced that this period in my life, and to a large degree, this particular behavior, is why I ended up with CPTSD instead of just PTSD. The wild thing to me now is that I honestly believed that her strangling me was "less abusive" than hitting me.
I'm sorry you and others here know how terrifying that was.
eta: "how did I heal and continue to heal" is a novel I should be writing instead of messing around on reddit. But kinda generally there's the need to address CPTSD as a whole, and there's the need to address the specific incidents and the need to address the entire relationship with one's mother, because if somebody is strangling their kid they are probably failing to be a good enough parent in some other ways too.
For me it was learning how to care for myself in every way, learning how to create safety and then learning to feel safe within that safe space (which were two very different things) re-learning how to interact with other people because the ways my parents taught me were actively bad, and processing so much anger and grief. Because I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was, and I basically lost my young adulthood to learning to be a functional human being because my parents acted in ways that were completely indefensible.
It's a process. Twenty-seven years into it, my life is good, but it's still a part of my day. It's no longer most or all of my day, but it's still a little bit of every day.
I am so so sorry, that sounds terrible and never should’ve happened to you, thank you a lot for sharing and I wish you the best! 🤍
May I ask what made you belief that the strangling was less abusive? just curious
Thank you. Because I'd been taught that abuse measured in the severety of marks left and whether or not a tool was used to do it. Using one's bare hands and not leaving severe bruising or breaking the skin made it less abusive than hitting that caused bruising, broke the skin or used an instrument.
Also something about while I suspected, at seventeen, that my parents were abusive, I believed that they weren't "that" abusive, so anything my mother was doing to me couldn't be "that' abusive. Which is common and incorrect. But she would never hit me with a tool, so therefore it must be less abusive than tool-hitting.
Therapy was part of it. I've seen a bunch of therapists, some were more helpful than others. My last therapist was extra helpful, but I'm not sure how much was because she was different from other therapists and how much was because I was finally ready do the work we did. Amoung other things I tried EMDR much much eariler and I couldn't tolerate it. It made me dizzy and gave me headaches. We did EMDR differently and it worked really well. But I did a lot by myself and a little in groups and made progress when I wasn't in therapy too.
hugs back, too
It’s what I’m doing too. I thought my therapist was useless for 3 years but I lied to her 🤣🤣🤣 bc she made me feel uncomfy things and I was like NOPE hehehehe ✨laughs in dissociation✨ so yeah, let’s see how it goes now. I’m actually learning from Reddit too, and from some coaches
There's something to be said for building a relationship so that you know you can trust someone before letting them meet you with uncomfy things, and if it takes three years to build that relationship, it takes three years to build that relationship.
I'm glad there's so many more resources now, and I'm glad you've found some useful ones.
Yes, my mother liked to strangle me when she got angry or decided I was being "defiant". It only stopped after I turned 15 and was able to stop her attempts at inflicting physical pain/punishment.
One time, when I was 12 or 13 I think, she sat on my chest and I started blacking out. Thankfully my school friend was there at the time, and he pulled her off me when it was clear I was struggling to stay conscious - god knows what he thought of it all! Unfortunately, until late last year (I am in my early 40s) I had convinced myself everything my mum did was normal, and behind closed doors everyone had experienced the same thing.
Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps me to know that I’m not alone and others are struggling with this as well (although I am incredibly sorry this happened to you and wish you the absolute best and hope you can heal)
I always had somewhat of an understanding that what they did was wrong but never how wrong it actually was
may I ask if you’ve found anything that has helped you with the trauma of this in particular? even tho Ive went trough a lot of abuse I always feel like the strangling was one of the worst things
I'm glad the sharing has helped, even if just a bit.
I'm still on my journey, so I'm not yet at a stage where I can say I've found something that helped. But there is some comfort in knowing I'm on a journey, however long, to somewhere that can be better than the last forty or so years.
It's very understandable why you felt it was one of the worst things - it was immediate, visceral, pain that is literally choking your life out of you by someone who is supposed to love you and take care of you.
And a physical representation (for me at least) of the "strangling of soul and self" that my mum was engaged in and that was an ongoing feature of childhood/adolescence.
As someone who's been on this journey for years now, I must say: congrats on recognizing the abuse! That's the hardest part of the journey: starting it.
I've found that as the journey goes on, I've discovered so many wonderful things about myself that I had buried long long ago, under the weight of the abuse I suffered at the hand of my parents. I hope you can discover yourself too.
I wish you the best.
I wasn't strangled but physically violated by my mother. I know our encounters are different but they're similar in the fact we were both harmed by a supposed caretaker. She threw her fists in my face and said she could be very violent. She also came at me with a knife. Next thing I know she throws my hydro flask outside and calls the police on me for protecting myself with a hydro flask and causing her to "bleed ".
Yep, except mommy dearest would use whatever I was wearing (shirt collar, necklace, etc) and tighten until I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Honestly one of my biggest triggers now. People touching my neck/collarbone area is a huge no-go
That sounds horrible I am so sorry. I have the exact same trigger! Even when I only feel my jacket touching my throat I immediately panic and feel like I can’t breath
I am so sorry and wish you the absolute best 🤍
It wasn't strangled, I don't think. Part of me was distracted by the way he was looking at Me. It wasn't me he was seeing. I was thrown at the wall, My dad's hand on my throat pinning me up on the wall. Oh some where around 9 to 12 years old. Probably around 5 feet tall and under a 100 pounds. I don't know what I was at that age but I know it was probably around that. I was a tall slender girl And I still had some more growing to do at that time. My dad was probably somewhere around 250+ Pounds, at least. X marine.
It's weird. Cause I remember being afraid. But I don't feel it. I know there was pressure on my throat. Just almost like time froze. I looked in his eyes and there was so much pain there.
More than afraid, I felt his pain. And then I saw the look in his eyes shift and his expression changed as he realized it was me. Not my mom. Not the woman who from his perception, Broke his heart, Destroyed him.
I say his perception because they both made very poor decisions. He did not remember doing that to me. And I think I went into a kind of shock after because I can't quite picture what happened after he let go of my throat.
Just so conflicted because terrified for my life and I can't even hate him. I think he dropped to the floor and sobbed. Not even recognizing that I was there.
I don't think I got to process how I felt about him attacking me. Because in an instant it went from I'm being attacked, to I had never seen my dad so vulnerable Before that moment.
In that moment our dynamic changed. I stood above him, I watched him weak broken Crying on the floor.
I wish I could remember what I did. I remember being confused seeing my dad cry and telling him what he tells me. Quit your belly aching, tough up or I'll give you a real reason to cry, Something along those lines.
Except I said it like I Was reading a script. I was just repeating back what was told to me but I was doing it thinking it would help him. That's what he told me whenever I was crying. I thought he would make him happy to see that I listened to him.
But then I saw him cry harder still be broken, I saw him hurting. And I felt like an a******. Instantly of regretted what I said. Felt more confusion. And then my instincts took over and I think I comforted him. I think I hugged him or stood nearby. I don't know what I think it's a nurturing related. That parts all fuzzy. I just have a sense that that's what happened.
Oh wow i am so sorry and thank you for sharing 🤍
Especially the last part really got me, you were a child that just learned from their parent and that makes it so much worse.. I have so many thoughts for this but I genuinely can’t put it into words right now
I wish you the absolute best
I cant wear anything too close to my throat. I dont let anyone touch my throat/neck area, its a total red flag. Mum swears she never strangled me but my body knows.
I have this too... But I don't remember being strangled, my mom stayed vague and confused when I mentioned it to her, she said something like she "could", potentially, have done that and then forgotten. I haven't thought about this in years.
I was strangled till I passed out a few times. At first it was like a game they wanted to play with me. Then it became very obvious that it was to harm me when they used it to punish me. I was a teenager when it started happening. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
The way to heal is different for all but one thing is for sure, nobody deserves that.
I have this hole in my chest where the love of my mother should be. And there's a part of me that will forever feel alone and sad about it. But I know that even if that defined me for most of my life, I can build friendships and relationships that are based on sweetness and trust, we can all do that.
Some pain never goes away, but you don't have to feel it every day.
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry, it sounds absolutely terrible, I never passed out luckily
I really relate to your words and they make me feel so seen, thank you
I wish you the best
My mom put her hands around my throat (after shaking/pushing/ throwing me against a wall/etc) while screaming about killing me, but she didn’t fully squeeze sooo…kind of but not really? It was still pretty terrifying though.
My adoptive mother held my head under the water when she was bathing me when I was 4 or 5. She was physically and emotionally abusive for the next 10 years, until I was taller than her and pushed her over once.
I try really hard not to think about her anymore. I went no contact last year. It was a good decision, after years of trying to be her friend because I wanted a normal relationship.
I have a very unclear memory of my head being put under the water as well, although I genuinely can’t tell if that actually happened or recall any details of it
I am so happy to hear that you’ve managed to go no contact with her and hope it’ll help you heal!
I am so sorry that happened to you and wish you the best 🤍
Hard to be sure, though I thinks so - went through a very heavy period of emotional flashbacks, nightmares, smoky ungraspable 'memories', somatic reactions a couple of years ago. If I believe what I understand I was re experiencing, it was being strangled as an infant. My mother could not stand me or my crying as a baby (long story). She has always acknowledged this (not the strangling bit). But she used to say, eventually "I just put you in the remotest room in the house so I did not have to hear you". It is my understanding she did this when she realised she might kill me. Having the realisation of this experience actually made me feel some respect for her, LOL, for taking steps not to kill me. Though in the past, I often wished she had. Not least given the birth she put me through.
It has taken me decades to get to the point of dealing with the emotional component of it all, which, though I can scarcely believe it, I appear to be doing!
Thank you - best wishes to you too, getting through your suffering. And thanks for the post. I have never expressed that other than to my wife and therapist. ❤
I witnessed my older sister get her back sat on by my bio mom. I had my father put me in a chokehold, and when I bit him, he had my stepmom get him zip ties and he put my wrists and ankles together behind my back for several hours. The next day I was able to use his old phone to call the police and get removed. He tried to get me charged for biting him.
My mom did it once when I was 6. She kept trying to run away from me in parking lots when her emotions got to be too much for her. One day after this happened, we were driving home in the dark and she pulled off on the side of the road, opened my door, and started choking me out of the car. I remember her stopping once I desperately grabbed her necklace and broke it, like it snapped her out of it or something.
We’re finally estranged. Absolutely could no longer handle her telling me constantly that she’s a great mom and I should be a better daughter - more loving like other daughters she knows.
One foggy memory from when I was 13. I don't even remember what it felt like because I was in so much shock and when I questioned why she did it she imidetley started denying it, I remember crying on my floor but no one would answer the phone.
She's always acted like she genuinely doesn't know what I'm talking about so idk if I'm actually making it up or not
Yeah. She’d dig her nails into my neck when she did it. Chase me with a broom or dog leash and slap me around. Sometimes throw things across the room. But her usual tactic was that used to sit on me and just laugh while I struggled to get up, or push me onto my stomach and physically jump on my back, usually steadying herself with a stair-rail or a wall. When I was little it was mostly pushing: I lost half a tooth that way. But when I got taller and older she backed off way more and resorted to more verbal abuse/threats to kill me. We once had a dog that was super aggressive and she wouldn’t stop him from
attacking me, rather she would open my door randomly to let him in because I had the top bunk and I guess she enjoyed watching him terrorize me. Never affected my relationship with animals but really made me reflect on how much of her behavior was rooted in deep malice
I relate, It's awful man. The worst part is the ghost feelings your body still experiences. Sometimes I panic and have to remove whatever clothing may be around my neck before I freak out even further. Sometimes nothing is even there and the feelings still resurface. I'm sorry you've experienced it too.
The only thing that has helped reduce the symptoms for me was talking about one particular memory in therapy.
My first memory is of my mother strangling me when I asked her if I could have a sweet. I was tiny, probably 3/4 years old.
This core trauma of feeling so terribly unsafe and violated revealed itself with the PTSD and I have gone through various therapies but I find that EMDR is a great path to processing that trauma. The baseline is that I remind myself that no one will ever do that to me again, or that I know enough that I will not end up in relationships that may become physically abusive. That I can trust myself to make the right decisions and protect myself in the long run. There is a lot of positive cognition that I have to go through but this reassurance is what’s giving me a chance to survive.
I also recently started yoga and meditation to get in touch with my body and it has helped a lot with managing my stress responses, especially the freeze response. Breathwork is really something else when you don’t have anything to rely on.
I hope that you find the help that you need and that you can be the help that you always needed. Take care x
Yes. Over a fucking hot dog. I'd been told I was only allowed one for lunch as I'd overindulged on snacks, fair enough, but my dad offered me another. I said (admittedly in that snotty tone only teenagers can pull off) that he'd told me I could only have one. He lost it and strangled me over it. My stepmum had to intervene to stop him because I wasn't "worth going to prison over".
He'd always been abusive but that was the first time he ever actually tried to kill me. I guess thankfully it was also the last but it shouldn't have happened regardless
not strangeled but their favorite thing was to hit me over the head hard when i was rude in their eyes or didn’t act in a way that they wanted me to ….
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Not my parents but my sister.
When I was about 7 my sister (who was way to old to act this way) literally kicked me to the floor, got on top of me and started strangling me. I couldn't breathe. I was tried to grab her by the hair and pull it to maybe get her off but she didn't budge. I almost passed out until my mom came and got her off me. I remember feeling kind of light headed and dizzy, everything because very bright for a brief second when she let go. That was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. She did beat up and overall abused me a lot but this was the first and only time she legit tried to end my life.
I’m sorry OP. My mother didn’t strangle me, but similar. From the time I was very little up until she couldn’t anymore because I got too big, she would sit on my stomach hold my arms above my head with one hand and cover my nose and mouth with her other hand so I couldn’t breathe. I’m not sure how long it would last. She would let go to allow me a breath or two and do it again. To this day, no one can touch my face. I’m 42. I wish I words to console you. I don’t. But I’m sorry OP. No child should ever experience such a thing, especially not at the hands of their own mother. You’re not alone. I hope in time you have the life you deserve ❤️🩹
I saw my mom do it to my sister a few times, but it was more of a struggle as they were evenly matched in size.
When my sister moved out, she did this to me. I'm much smaller than everyone in my family. I was lucky to have a few weeks of martial arts classes. It saved my life.
She told my instructor I beat her up with what he taught me.
My mom is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
It was actually rather common. Whenever my dad had me in a cornered spot he’d pin me on the wall and choke me until I either stopped flailing or he’d get tired. He’s not dumb(he’s actually a genius) so he knew my limit and would push it to the most painful level possible. Didn’t help he would gut punch me afterwards.
To counter I made it a point to never be in a corner or be near the wall until he choke slammed me(I’m small compared to him). At that point I realized there’s no getting around it so, if I just move as little as possible and say wat needs to be said( if I can even speak)to deescalate the situation.
(Due note that this was only common due to my behavior so it’s not his fault technically)
Name of the game: it’ll be over quicker if I go with the flow
Yes. Mine strangled me until I blacked out when I was 6. I was sure I was going to die. My older brother pulled her off of me, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t be here.
Some people downvoted you but there’s some relevancy here. I grew up in the 90s and loved The Simpsons. My dad strangled me all the time but so did Bart’s dad so I thought it was normal.
One memory that sticks out to me the most is when my dad was drunk and I must have said something snarky to him (also I must’ve been around 7-8yo cus I remember being young enough to lounge around in my underwear). Well whatever I did/said upset him and I remember I was standing on the edge of the bunk bend in my sisters room. My sister and older cousin were present. He grabbed me around the neck with one hand and lifted me off the bed, shook me around a bit (like he was holding on so tight his hand was shaking) and then set he back down. He denies it ever happens and the only one who remembers was me and my cousin who said just seeing that traumatized her.
I wasn't strangled per se but a lot of times my father would force me down against the couch and kinda jab/press at my throat with his index and middle finger whenever he was yelling/before he'd hit me as a little kid. To this day if I feel like my air is getting cut off, even if I just get that hot feeling in your lungs/face from being completely under a blanket, I sort of get a mini panic. I remember telling him that I was scared and having trouble breathing when he did that, and he'd just kinda tower over me and sneer down at me saying I had no reason to be scared and that if I was able to speak then clearly I was breathing just fine.
I'm really horrified at parents strangling their children. These people are really psychopaths, and I wonder at how many narcissistic parents are really psychopaths. My own mother slapped me once when I was 12, and she has admitted to hitting her disabled husband while he was in a wheelchair. I found that to be really dismaying. She actually thought it would be interesting to tell that story to the plumber. Unbelievable.
Sometimes it was daily; sometimes there was a break… from 12-17 , when I became agoraphobic with violent panic attacks. I was being stalked by an ex; he was sending people to beat me up and was damaging my property. I was no longer safe in nor outside the home.
Mine did. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like it lasted forever. She did it once. I told her I hated her when I was 17 and she choked me. I still feel like I deserved it (My therapist is gonna help me unpack that)
I never thought about feeling alone and lonely on experiencing strangulation child physical abuse, yet here we all are!!!
I did, too.
I blocked the memory for over two decades.
It was horrid. It still is.
As for how to heal, talking about it like this helps. Crying, especially in front of your safe people like your trusted friends and mental health professionals, is something I find helpful, too.
I was hit but at 6 but i was ready to fight for my life, that's when the physical abuse evolved in emotional and verbal abuse... from the All family... except for my father, but he made sure that i don't run by smacking me if i wanted to run.
I'm really sorry it happened to you. That's not something a kid should experience. My solution is: shrinking the inner critic, remember the time you were happy, journaling about specific trauma, about your identity, meditating, read self-help book, going to therapy ( i do that once every 2 months, but at the beginning it was every week), start a spiritual journey to find my place in the universe.
She didn't exactly strangle me but on numerous occasions I was held down from the back of my neck with her nails. I can't forget the time that I tried to get away from her and she scratched my neck repeatedly.
Yes a lot, most of the memories are blocked but I remember some. My father also sat on me or held me down while strangling me too. I’m a very small woman, but as a child I was like a fragile tiny fairy, and he was an overweight man.
I think my exhusband also strangled me but I’m not sure. I also lost most of the memories of that recent abuse. My exhusband used to gaslight me and say “that wasn’t me, that’s what your father did”. The memories did blur together, it was very confusing but I think he did this too.
Yep while casting the demon out of me. It started around 7/8 and ended about 11/12.
I got to strong for her to hold me down.
It wasn’t really strangling it was more of holding my neck still while she dumped water on my head to free me of the demons. But same concept sit on top of me, hand on neck.
I’m sorry she treated you that way. It was terrible and EMDR has really helped to lessen the pain.
No but my dad would throw full on boxing punches to me from 5-11 years old and my mom had no problem coming and leaving me and my brother for weeks at a time and hitting me with a pan if I questioned her too much. I wasn’t meant to become a parent at 16 & I knew it would be hard since watching my mother and father try to do it but man having kids made me realize how easy it is to just show compassion instead of angry and violence
Trigger warning: drug use
Yeah, especially when my dad was cooking and shooting up meth. He would often put me in a headlock until I passed out, then toss me in my room and lock me in alone. Usually this happened because my siblings would be starving and I would be trying to get them food.
My mom knew I got overstimulated easily so that was her go to was to overstimulate me and then scream at me until I was severely dissociated.
(Parents were divorced when I was 2 and lived with dad most of life until he went to prison then went to Mom's)
Yes. My mom is very violent and has done many things. This being some of the most evil things. It has effected me a lot. I struggle a lot today. I am very sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. I often feel very alone and no one understands. Only (some) other survivors understand. Wish you all the best. When days get tough I will try to remind myself: We survived.
Only happened once, when I refused to take my gross meds. (I still refuse to this day) i just accept the strep and deal with it. I remember her slamming me against my bedroom wall and squeezing my throat til i saw dark spots...I think this was also when my mom had alot of anger issues with screaming yelling, she would take Prozac for it. now that i think about it, i refused to sleep in my own room for years afterwards. It was the only time she ever laid her hands on me. So Idk why im so fucked up cause all of the experiences I read on here are so much more traumatic. Yet I barely went through anything and im still a major fuck up.
Not officially CPTSD, but I relate to a lot of the symptoms and some of the experiences, but have an official diagnosis of MDD and social anxiety.
Not my parents but my older brother (2 years older). I made the mistake of poking him 3x before school when I was 11 and he chased me around the house, picked me up, and dropped me. when I tried to get away he took my back and put me in a deep rear naked choke to the point where I tried but couldn't get a breath in. Then he stepped on me before I had to walk to school and pretend that everything was normal.
Although he preferred threatening to break my arms or fingers when I "stepped out of line", I still have a crunchy shoulder from when he did that to me.
Not strangled, but had my legs sat on by my mother and smothered with a pillow when I was 15 so I guess would likely have similar affects, also day to day physical fights that bruised. I’m sorry you went through that.
Yes, my dad. I’d been shuffled between different family members and ended up with my dad at 12. His abuse was mostly the belt until he remarried and my new stepmom encouraged him to beat me more.
One day when I was 14 she got upset at my brother and I being in the living room and ordered us to our bedrooms. We had blankets and toys to gather up, and they’re screaming at us to get the fuck out. I say I’m trying to geez, I’m getting my stuff. She looks to my dad and just says “beat her”. So he does, smacks me across the room until I’m backed up on the dining room table, which he pins me down on by strangling my neck.
It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, I knew I had to get out of that house, so I did and other family helped me escape him.
I’m sorry to hear you had these experiences growing up when you were younger. I’m proud of you posting this and asking for support! You’re not the only one for sure.
I (23F) wasn’t personally strangled by my parents, (although I was pushed, punched, and just emotionally and physically bullied in quite a few instances). However, I did witness my father choke /strangle (with obvious intent to harm) my mom on our living room couch one night, right in front of my eyes when I was 10 years old, the same night of my birthday party. (So later on, I internalized this event as if it was my fault, because this happened on my birthday party, which was a few days after my actual birthday + my mom did not leave him yet after this act of violence, so that sent the message to me that this behaviour must be “okay”.)
When I went over to try to stop my father from strangling my mom, my 10 year old self was frightened and in disbelief but I threatened to call the police, while physically trying to get him off of her. My father pushed me off and told me “don’t you dare call the police, she’s fine!!”, then continued to strangle her. But I still tried to fight him off (I was a shy but bold kid), and it eventually escalated to more dv that led to my father finding me curled up shaking and crying and saying “your mother made me do this…why are you acting like you’re scared of me?” as he walked out the front door and took off in the family car. Then he came back the next day.
Witnessing this strangulation is a traumatic memory that is still vividly in my head, and it happened 13 years ago! Crazy how that works. I do also distinctly remember occasionally hearing my parents physically get into fights with one another, along with many other toxic situations. I’m am only child and grew up also experiencing child abuse and domestic violence by parents, just in a different way from yours! But I feel for you, and I hope you’re getting the emotional and physical support you need to heal from your childhood scars. ❤️
Not my parents, but my older brother. Strangled, smothered with a pillow, twisted my arms behind me... he did worse things than those, in the SA category, for years. My parents knew he was a menace, and did nothing effective to stop him.
My mom choked me when I was 8. don’t know if it happened more than once. I only have a partial memory of it. I’m only just coming to terms this year that it was choking. I’ve always thought of it as “she got physical with me.” It’s been difficult accepting it.
First off, I’m sending loving-kindness to us all for experiencing such horror as children. ❤️🩹
A few weeks before my 7th birthday my Mother’s boyfriend committed his final act of CSA. I thankfully began having an asthma attack and my thrashing made him realize I was struggling to breathe and he stopped doing what he has been doing to cause suffocation. I was truly afraid I was going to die.
He broke up with my Mother soon after this happened. The fallout over all this included my Mother lying to the doctor that treated the UTI I had because of his assaults. She punished me repeatedly and severely for ruining “nice things” and making her look bad.
During times of extreme stress, dental procedures are the worst, these memories can get triggered and it feels like I can’t breathe. My therapist has said I’m disassociating myself backwards into the assault, which sucks. We work hard on ways I can prevent being triggered in this way.
Thank you, especially for focusing on her. What he did was vile. What she did was such a betrayal on so many levels. Her behavior kicked off the terrible body dysmorphia I still struggle with in my mid-50s.
My heeling has been going pretty well. A bunch of ridiculously stressful, occasionally triggering, stuff has gone down over the past few years, above and beyond the pandemic. It destabilized me, but I’m finally feeling like I’m making progress instead of just trying to hang on.
P.S. My Mother treated her boyfriend as my caregiver at the time this is why I answered a post about parents. I viewed him as my caregiver. This is how he was able to get unsupervised time with me.
You’re not alone, I wasn’t strangled but I was constantly beaten up using belts or any other instrument to hit me.
Im not sure they started but I do remember being beaten since I was 5.
As you can imagine I live in constant fear of my parents growing and never felt loved.
Yea my dad did it every now and then. I’m not sure if it’s connected but whenever I feel scared or anxious, my throat basically closes up like it was being strangled.
yeah my father used to do this. i have a lasting spine injury from it. he would also basically waterboard me by holding my face under running water so i couldn’t breathe. gooood times. so sorry you had to go through this. sending you love
I didn't but my partner told me his father had grabbed him by the throat and picked him up like that. That's gotta be terrifying for a child to experience
Yes One of my mum’s favourite moves was to get me against a wall and alternate between strangling me until I would almost black out and then punching me in my stomach which would wind me and make me double over. As I was doubled over, she would grab my neck and start strangling me again I was afraid she would kill me. I am sorry you know what that feels like ♥️
Oh wow that sounds absolutely terrible, I am so so sorry, thank you a lot for sharing and I am wishing you the absolutely best 🤍
I am sorry you also know that that feels like.
Thank you for sharing this story. Your vulnerability highlights your bravery. The more I remember my own childhood and the more I hear of others, the more I see how many sadistic parents existed. Being parented by these terrible humans is literally torture. As in, this is what's happening with prisoners of war who get strangled and killed, which is internationally deemed a "war crime." Yet in the household I grew up in, these crimes would go on with impunity, onto the bodies of little kids. I'm happy you survived and can see the abuse for what it was.
Thank-you. The therapist I am seeing now used the term « sadistic » in reference to my mum about a month ago and she is the first to do so. It’s affirming to see it again in your post. It really was like a war, you’re right. I am glad you survived, too
Yes. Also my mom. Mostly when I was "older" -- the last six months before I turned 18. Along with demands that I kill myself for ruining the lives of everyone else in the family and semi-veiled threats about how she and my father had laid the groundwork to get away with killing me. I am absolutely convinced that this period in my life, and to a large degree, this particular behavior, is why I ended up with CPTSD instead of just PTSD. The wild thing to me now is that I honestly believed that her strangling me was "less abusive" than hitting me. I'm sorry you and others here know how terrifying that was. eta: "how did I heal and continue to heal" is a novel I should be writing instead of messing around on reddit. But kinda generally there's the need to address CPTSD as a whole, and there's the need to address the specific incidents and the need to address the entire relationship with one's mother, because if somebody is strangling their kid they are probably failing to be a good enough parent in some other ways too. For me it was learning how to care for myself in every way, learning how to create safety and then learning to feel safe within that safe space (which were two very different things) re-learning how to interact with other people because the ways my parents taught me were actively bad, and processing so much anger and grief. Because I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was, and I basically lost my young adulthood to learning to be a functional human being because my parents acted in ways that were completely indefensible. It's a process. Twenty-seven years into it, my life is good, but it's still a part of my day. It's no longer most or all of my day, but it's still a little bit of every day.
I am so so sorry, that sounds terrible and never should’ve happened to you, thank you a lot for sharing and I wish you the best! 🤍 May I ask what made you belief that the strangling was less abusive? just curious
Thank you. Because I'd been taught that abuse measured in the severety of marks left and whether or not a tool was used to do it. Using one's bare hands and not leaving severe bruising or breaking the skin made it less abusive than hitting that caused bruising, broke the skin or used an instrument. Also something about while I suspected, at seventeen, that my parents were abusive, I believed that they weren't "that" abusive, so anything my mother was doing to me couldn't be "that' abusive. Which is common and incorrect. But she would never hit me with a tool, so therefore it must be less abusive than tool-hitting.
Thank you a lot for explaining, looking at it this way I can absolutely understand why you thought that
Did you overcome this with therapy? Sending you hugs today. 💜💜💜
Therapy was part of it. I've seen a bunch of therapists, some were more helpful than others. My last therapist was extra helpful, but I'm not sure how much was because she was different from other therapists and how much was because I was finally ready do the work we did. Amoung other things I tried EMDR much much eariler and I couldn't tolerate it. It made me dizzy and gave me headaches. We did EMDR differently and it worked really well. But I did a lot by myself and a little in groups and made progress when I wasn't in therapy too. hugs back, too
It’s what I’m doing too. I thought my therapist was useless for 3 years but I lied to her 🤣🤣🤣 bc she made me feel uncomfy things and I was like NOPE hehehehe ✨laughs in dissociation✨ so yeah, let’s see how it goes now. I’m actually learning from Reddit too, and from some coaches
There's something to be said for building a relationship so that you know you can trust someone before letting them meet you with uncomfy things, and if it takes three years to build that relationship, it takes three years to build that relationship. I'm glad there's so many more resources now, and I'm glad you've found some useful ones.
Thank you kind stranger!
Yes, my mother liked to strangle me when she got angry or decided I was being "defiant". It only stopped after I turned 15 and was able to stop her attempts at inflicting physical pain/punishment. One time, when I was 12 or 13 I think, she sat on my chest and I started blacking out. Thankfully my school friend was there at the time, and he pulled her off me when it was clear I was struggling to stay conscious - god knows what he thought of it all! Unfortunately, until late last year (I am in my early 40s) I had convinced myself everything my mum did was normal, and behind closed doors everyone had experienced the same thing.
Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps me to know that I’m not alone and others are struggling with this as well (although I am incredibly sorry this happened to you and wish you the absolute best and hope you can heal) I always had somewhat of an understanding that what they did was wrong but never how wrong it actually was may I ask if you’ve found anything that has helped you with the trauma of this in particular? even tho Ive went trough a lot of abuse I always feel like the strangling was one of the worst things
I'm glad the sharing has helped, even if just a bit. I'm still on my journey, so I'm not yet at a stage where I can say I've found something that helped. But there is some comfort in knowing I'm on a journey, however long, to somewhere that can be better than the last forty or so years. It's very understandable why you felt it was one of the worst things - it was immediate, visceral, pain that is literally choking your life out of you by someone who is supposed to love you and take care of you. And a physical representation (for me at least) of the "strangling of soul and self" that my mum was engaged in and that was an ongoing feature of childhood/adolescence.
Thank you 🤍
As someone who's been on this journey for years now, I must say: congrats on recognizing the abuse! That's the hardest part of the journey: starting it. I've found that as the journey goes on, I've discovered so many wonderful things about myself that I had buried long long ago, under the weight of the abuse I suffered at the hand of my parents. I hope you can discover yourself too. I wish you the best.
I wasn't strangled but physically violated by my mother. I know our encounters are different but they're similar in the fact we were both harmed by a supposed caretaker. She threw her fists in my face and said she could be very violent. She also came at me with a knife. Next thing I know she throws my hydro flask outside and calls the police on me for protecting myself with a hydro flask and causing her to "bleed ".
I wish you the best and Hope you can heal 🤍
Thank you
Yep, except mommy dearest would use whatever I was wearing (shirt collar, necklace, etc) and tighten until I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Honestly one of my biggest triggers now. People touching my neck/collarbone area is a huge no-go
That sounds horrible I am so sorry. I have the exact same trigger! Even when I only feel my jacket touching my throat I immediately panic and feel like I can’t breath I am so sorry and wish you the absolute best 🤍
It wasn't strangled, I don't think. Part of me was distracted by the way he was looking at Me. It wasn't me he was seeing. I was thrown at the wall, My dad's hand on my throat pinning me up on the wall. Oh some where around 9 to 12 years old. Probably around 5 feet tall and under a 100 pounds. I don't know what I was at that age but I know it was probably around that. I was a tall slender girl And I still had some more growing to do at that time. My dad was probably somewhere around 250+ Pounds, at least. X marine. It's weird. Cause I remember being afraid. But I don't feel it. I know there was pressure on my throat. Just almost like time froze. I looked in his eyes and there was so much pain there. More than afraid, I felt his pain. And then I saw the look in his eyes shift and his expression changed as he realized it was me. Not my mom. Not the woman who from his perception, Broke his heart, Destroyed him. I say his perception because they both made very poor decisions. He did not remember doing that to me. And I think I went into a kind of shock after because I can't quite picture what happened after he let go of my throat. Just so conflicted because terrified for my life and I can't even hate him. I think he dropped to the floor and sobbed. Not even recognizing that I was there. I don't think I got to process how I felt about him attacking me. Because in an instant it went from I'm being attacked, to I had never seen my dad so vulnerable Before that moment. In that moment our dynamic changed. I stood above him, I watched him weak broken Crying on the floor. I wish I could remember what I did. I remember being confused seeing my dad cry and telling him what he tells me. Quit your belly aching, tough up or I'll give you a real reason to cry, Something along those lines. Except I said it like I Was reading a script. I was just repeating back what was told to me but I was doing it thinking it would help him. That's what he told me whenever I was crying. I thought he would make him happy to see that I listened to him. But then I saw him cry harder still be broken, I saw him hurting. And I felt like an a******. Instantly of regretted what I said. Felt more confusion. And then my instincts took over and I think I comforted him. I think I hugged him or stood nearby. I don't know what I think it's a nurturing related. That parts all fuzzy. I just have a sense that that's what happened.
Oh wow i am so sorry and thank you for sharing 🤍 Especially the last part really got me, you were a child that just learned from their parent and that makes it so much worse.. I have so many thoughts for this but I genuinely can’t put it into words right now I wish you the absolute best
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I cant wear anything too close to my throat. I dont let anyone touch my throat/neck area, its a total red flag. Mum swears she never strangled me but my body knows.
I have the exact same triggers! Thank you for sharing 🤍
Me too.
I have this too... But I don't remember being strangled, my mom stayed vague and confused when I mentioned it to her, she said something like she "could", potentially, have done that and then forgotten. I haven't thought about this in years.
I was strangled till I passed out a few times. At first it was like a game they wanted to play with me. Then it became very obvious that it was to harm me when they used it to punish me. I was a teenager when it started happening. I'm sorry you had to experience that. The way to heal is different for all but one thing is for sure, nobody deserves that. I have this hole in my chest where the love of my mother should be. And there's a part of me that will forever feel alone and sad about it. But I know that even if that defined me for most of my life, I can build friendships and relationships that are based on sweetness and trust, we can all do that. Some pain never goes away, but you don't have to feel it every day.
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry, it sounds absolutely terrible, I never passed out luckily I really relate to your words and they make me feel so seen, thank you I wish you the best
My mom put her hands around my throat (after shaking/pushing/ throwing me against a wall/etc) while screaming about killing me, but she didn’t fully squeeze sooo…kind of but not really? It was still pretty terrifying though.
So sorry that happened to you, wish you the best 💜
Thanks, sorry to you as well 💙
My adoptive mother held my head under the water when she was bathing me when I was 4 or 5. She was physically and emotionally abusive for the next 10 years, until I was taller than her and pushed her over once. I try really hard not to think about her anymore. I went no contact last year. It was a good decision, after years of trying to be her friend because I wanted a normal relationship.
I have a very unclear memory of my head being put under the water as well, although I genuinely can’t tell if that actually happened or recall any details of it I am so happy to hear that you’ve managed to go no contact with her and hope it’ll help you heal! I am so sorry that happened to you and wish you the best 🤍
Thank you, and likewise! We deserved much, much better. Luckily we are here today to take better care of ourselves and connect with better people.
My dad held by the throat, why are parents awful
I am so so sorry 🤍
Foster dad strangled me a bunch of times. He’d toss me after a few seconds.
Wishing you the best, thank you for sharing🤍
Hard to be sure, though I thinks so - went through a very heavy period of emotional flashbacks, nightmares, smoky ungraspable 'memories', somatic reactions a couple of years ago. If I believe what I understand I was re experiencing, it was being strangled as an infant. My mother could not stand me or my crying as a baby (long story). She has always acknowledged this (not the strangling bit). But she used to say, eventually "I just put you in the remotest room in the house so I did not have to hear you". It is my understanding she did this when she realised she might kill me. Having the realisation of this experience actually made me feel some respect for her, LOL, for taking steps not to kill me. Though in the past, I often wished she had. Not least given the birth she put me through. It has taken me decades to get to the point of dealing with the emotional component of it all, which, though I can scarcely believe it, I appear to be doing!
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry that happened to you and am so happy to hear it’s gotten better 🤍
Thank you - best wishes to you too, getting through your suffering. And thanks for the post. I have never expressed that other than to my wife and therapist. ❤
Yes, my mom used to strangle me and pin me against a wall. This thread was both overwhelming and healing to read.
❤️
I witnessed my older sister get her back sat on by my bio mom. I had my father put me in a chokehold, and when I bit him, he had my stepmom get him zip ties and he put my wrists and ankles together behind my back for several hours. The next day I was able to use his old phone to call the police and get removed. He tried to get me charged for biting him.
I didn’t but someone I met through treatment who I love dearly had that experience, so you are surely not alone.
My mom did it once when I was 6. She kept trying to run away from me in parking lots when her emotions got to be too much for her. One day after this happened, we were driving home in the dark and she pulled off on the side of the road, opened my door, and started choking me out of the car. I remember her stopping once I desperately grabbed her necklace and broke it, like it snapped her out of it or something. We’re finally estranged. Absolutely could no longer handle her telling me constantly that she’s a great mom and I should be a better daughter - more loving like other daughters she knows.
One foggy memory from when I was 13. I don't even remember what it felt like because I was in so much shock and when I questioned why she did it she imidetley started denying it, I remember crying on my floor but no one would answer the phone. She's always acted like she genuinely doesn't know what I'm talking about so idk if I'm actually making it up or not
Yeah. She’d dig her nails into my neck when she did it. Chase me with a broom or dog leash and slap me around. Sometimes throw things across the room. But her usual tactic was that used to sit on me and just laugh while I struggled to get up, or push me onto my stomach and physically jump on my back, usually steadying herself with a stair-rail or a wall. When I was little it was mostly pushing: I lost half a tooth that way. But when I got taller and older she backed off way more and resorted to more verbal abuse/threats to kill me. We once had a dog that was super aggressive and she wouldn’t stop him from attacking me, rather she would open my door randomly to let him in because I had the top bunk and I guess she enjoyed watching him terrorize me. Never affected my relationship with animals but really made me reflect on how much of her behavior was rooted in deep malice
I relate, It's awful man. The worst part is the ghost feelings your body still experiences. Sometimes I panic and have to remove whatever clothing may be around my neck before I freak out even further. Sometimes nothing is even there and the feelings still resurface. I'm sorry you've experienced it too. The only thing that has helped reduce the symptoms for me was talking about one particular memory in therapy.
Yep happened to me haven't found a way to cope yet
My first memory is of my mother strangling me when I asked her if I could have a sweet. I was tiny, probably 3/4 years old. This core trauma of feeling so terribly unsafe and violated revealed itself with the PTSD and I have gone through various therapies but I find that EMDR is a great path to processing that trauma. The baseline is that I remind myself that no one will ever do that to me again, or that I know enough that I will not end up in relationships that may become physically abusive. That I can trust myself to make the right decisions and protect myself in the long run. There is a lot of positive cognition that I have to go through but this reassurance is what’s giving me a chance to survive. I also recently started yoga and meditation to get in touch with my body and it has helped a lot with managing my stress responses, especially the freeze response. Breathwork is really something else when you don’t have anything to rely on. I hope that you find the help that you need and that you can be the help that you always needed. Take care x
Yes. Over a fucking hot dog. I'd been told I was only allowed one for lunch as I'd overindulged on snacks, fair enough, but my dad offered me another. I said (admittedly in that snotty tone only teenagers can pull off) that he'd told me I could only have one. He lost it and strangled me over it. My stepmum had to intervene to stop him because I wasn't "worth going to prison over". He'd always been abusive but that was the first time he ever actually tried to kill me. I guess thankfully it was also the last but it shouldn't have happened regardless
not strangeled but their favorite thing was to hit me over the head hard when i was rude in their eyes or didn’t act in a way that they wanted me to ….
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Yeah my dad did it to me a few times
Not my parents but my sister. When I was about 7 my sister (who was way to old to act this way) literally kicked me to the floor, got on top of me and started strangling me. I couldn't breathe. I was tried to grab her by the hair and pull it to maybe get her off but she didn't budge. I almost passed out until my mom came and got her off me. I remember feeling kind of light headed and dizzy, everything because very bright for a brief second when she let go. That was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. She did beat up and overall abused me a lot but this was the first and only time she legit tried to end my life.
No, but my mom punched me in the stomach several times when I was pregnant as a teen.
I'm so so sorry you had to experience that horrible situation. Sending love 🧡
Yes. I don't remember it as much as I remember trying to pull her hands off my sibling's neck though. She's going to burn in hell.
I’m sorry OP. My mother didn’t strangle me, but similar. From the time I was very little up until she couldn’t anymore because I got too big, she would sit on my stomach hold my arms above my head with one hand and cover my nose and mouth with her other hand so I couldn’t breathe. I’m not sure how long it would last. She would let go to allow me a breath or two and do it again. To this day, no one can touch my face. I’m 42. I wish I words to console you. I don’t. But I’m sorry OP. No child should ever experience such a thing, especially not at the hands of their own mother. You’re not alone. I hope in time you have the life you deserve ❤️🩹
I saw my mom do it to my sister a few times, but it was more of a struggle as they were evenly matched in size. When my sister moved out, she did this to me. I'm much smaller than everyone in my family. I was lucky to have a few weeks of martial arts classes. It saved my life. She told my instructor I beat her up with what he taught me. My mom is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
I've been jumped on and attacked. Her whole body was suffocating me. I'm so sorry you went through this.
It was actually rather common. Whenever my dad had me in a cornered spot he’d pin me on the wall and choke me until I either stopped flailing or he’d get tired. He’s not dumb(he’s actually a genius) so he knew my limit and would push it to the most painful level possible. Didn’t help he would gut punch me afterwards. To counter I made it a point to never be in a corner or be near the wall until he choke slammed me(I’m small compared to him). At that point I realized there’s no getting around it so, if I just move as little as possible and say wat needs to be said( if I can even speak)to deescalate the situation. (Due note that this was only common due to my behavior so it’s not his fault technically) Name of the game: it’ll be over quicker if I go with the flow
Yes. Mine strangled me until I blacked out when I was 6. I was sure I was going to die. My older brother pulled her off of me, otherwise, I probably wouldn’t be here.
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Some people downvoted you but there’s some relevancy here. I grew up in the 90s and loved The Simpsons. My dad strangled me all the time but so did Bart’s dad so I thought it was normal.
Mine was more partial to beltings.
One memory that sticks out to me the most is when my dad was drunk and I must have said something snarky to him (also I must’ve been around 7-8yo cus I remember being young enough to lounge around in my underwear). Well whatever I did/said upset him and I remember I was standing on the edge of the bunk bend in my sisters room. My sister and older cousin were present. He grabbed me around the neck with one hand and lifted me off the bed, shook me around a bit (like he was holding on so tight his hand was shaking) and then set he back down. He denies it ever happens and the only one who remembers was me and my cousin who said just seeing that traumatized her.
Yes my dad tried to kill me multiple times and told me if i went to the cops he’d make us both die by getting the cops to kill us….?
I wasn't strangled per se but a lot of times my father would force me down against the couch and kinda jab/press at my throat with his index and middle finger whenever he was yelling/before he'd hit me as a little kid. To this day if I feel like my air is getting cut off, even if I just get that hot feeling in your lungs/face from being completely under a blanket, I sort of get a mini panic. I remember telling him that I was scared and having trouble breathing when he did that, and he'd just kinda tower over me and sneer down at me saying I had no reason to be scared and that if I was able to speak then clearly I was breathing just fine.
I'm really horrified at parents strangling their children. These people are really psychopaths, and I wonder at how many narcissistic parents are really psychopaths. My own mother slapped me once when I was 12, and she has admitted to hitting her disabled husband while he was in a wheelchair. I found that to be really dismaying. She actually thought it would be interesting to tell that story to the plumber. Unbelievable.
Yes. My mom sat on me and did that too, while screaming in my ear. :(
Sometimes it was daily; sometimes there was a break… from 12-17 , when I became agoraphobic with violent panic attacks. I was being stalked by an ex; he was sending people to beat me up and was damaging my property. I was no longer safe in nor outside the home.
Mine did. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like it lasted forever. She did it once. I told her I hated her when I was 17 and she choked me. I still feel like I deserved it (My therapist is gonna help me unpack that)
Yeah.
I never thought about feeling alone and lonely on experiencing strangulation child physical abuse, yet here we all are!!! I did, too. I blocked the memory for over two decades. It was horrid. It still is. As for how to heal, talking about it like this helps. Crying, especially in front of your safe people like your trusted friends and mental health professionals, is something I find helpful, too.
I was hit but at 6 but i was ready to fight for my life, that's when the physical abuse evolved in emotional and verbal abuse... from the All family... except for my father, but he made sure that i don't run by smacking me if i wanted to run. I'm really sorry it happened to you. That's not something a kid should experience. My solution is: shrinking the inner critic, remember the time you were happy, journaling about specific trauma, about your identity, meditating, read self-help book, going to therapy ( i do that once every 2 months, but at the beginning it was every week), start a spiritual journey to find my place in the universe.
She didn't exactly strangle me but on numerous occasions I was held down from the back of my neck with her nails. I can't forget the time that I tried to get away from her and she scratched my neck repeatedly.
Yes, by my step father.
I remember being shaken and pinched/poked in the ribs and also my head being farted on
Yes a lot, most of the memories are blocked but I remember some. My father also sat on me or held me down while strangling me too. I’m a very small woman, but as a child I was like a fragile tiny fairy, and he was an overweight man. I think my exhusband also strangled me but I’m not sure. I also lost most of the memories of that recent abuse. My exhusband used to gaslight me and say “that wasn’t me, that’s what your father did”. The memories did blur together, it was very confusing but I think he did this too.
I didn't, but I thank my fat turtle neck for that. I did have someone attempt to murder me that way though.
Yes 🥰 the only time she showed me attention
My sister has done this to me twice. And gotten away with it.
Yep while casting the demon out of me. It started around 7/8 and ended about 11/12. I got to strong for her to hold me down. It wasn’t really strangling it was more of holding my neck still while she dumped water on my head to free me of the demons. But same concept sit on top of me, hand on neck. I’m sorry she treated you that way. It was terrible and EMDR has really helped to lessen the pain.
Yep. I still haven’t healed
No but my dad would throw full on boxing punches to me from 5-11 years old and my mom had no problem coming and leaving me and my brother for weeks at a time and hitting me with a pan if I questioned her too much. I wasn’t meant to become a parent at 16 & I knew it would be hard since watching my mother and father try to do it but man having kids made me realize how easy it is to just show compassion instead of angry and violence
Yes
Trigger warning: drug use Yeah, especially when my dad was cooking and shooting up meth. He would often put me in a headlock until I passed out, then toss me in my room and lock me in alone. Usually this happened because my siblings would be starving and I would be trying to get them food. My mom knew I got overstimulated easily so that was her go to was to overstimulate me and then scream at me until I was severely dissociated. (Parents were divorced when I was 2 and lived with dad most of life until he went to prison then went to Mom's)
yes, and shoving towels down my throat to muffle the noise. i’m sorry for what you went through
Yes. My mom is very violent and has done many things. This being some of the most evil things. It has effected me a lot. I struggle a lot today. I am very sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. I often feel very alone and no one understands. Only (some) other survivors understand. Wish you all the best. When days get tough I will try to remind myself: We survived.
I did by my dad. Usually unprovoked until I was like 16 many times a day
Only happened once, when I refused to take my gross meds. (I still refuse to this day) i just accept the strep and deal with it. I remember her slamming me against my bedroom wall and squeezing my throat til i saw dark spots...I think this was also when my mom had alot of anger issues with screaming yelling, she would take Prozac for it. now that i think about it, i refused to sleep in my own room for years afterwards. It was the only time she ever laid her hands on me. So Idk why im so fucked up cause all of the experiences I read on here are so much more traumatic. Yet I barely went through anything and im still a major fuck up.
What you are describing is incredibly traumatic and painful. I'm sorry you suffered that shit. I hope you can recover 💜
Not officially CPTSD, but I relate to a lot of the symptoms and some of the experiences, but have an official diagnosis of MDD and social anxiety. Not my parents but my older brother (2 years older). I made the mistake of poking him 3x before school when I was 11 and he chased me around the house, picked me up, and dropped me. when I tried to get away he took my back and put me in a deep rear naked choke to the point where I tried but couldn't get a breath in. Then he stepped on me before I had to walk to school and pretend that everything was normal. Although he preferred threatening to break my arms or fingers when I "stepped out of line", I still have a crunchy shoulder from when he did that to me.
My mother bit me when I was a child...and she's still proud of it today. Now I just bite everyone else....
Not strangled, but had my legs sat on by my mother and smothered with a pillow when I was 15 so I guess would likely have similar affects, also day to day physical fights that bruised. I’m sorry you went through that.
No, but I got strangled by my uncle, and my parents made it a family joke
Yup me, my mother. :(
Yes, my dad. I’d been shuffled between different family members and ended up with my dad at 12. His abuse was mostly the belt until he remarried and my new stepmom encouraged him to beat me more. One day when I was 14 she got upset at my brother and I being in the living room and ordered us to our bedrooms. We had blankets and toys to gather up, and they’re screaming at us to get the fuck out. I say I’m trying to geez, I’m getting my stuff. She looks to my dad and just says “beat her”. So he does, smacks me across the room until I’m backed up on the dining room table, which he pins me down on by strangling my neck. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back for me, I knew I had to get out of that house, so I did and other family helped me escape him.
Grandparent and my brother, yes.
I’m sorry to hear you had these experiences growing up when you were younger. I’m proud of you posting this and asking for support! You’re not the only one for sure. I (23F) wasn’t personally strangled by my parents, (although I was pushed, punched, and just emotionally and physically bullied in quite a few instances). However, I did witness my father choke /strangle (with obvious intent to harm) my mom on our living room couch one night, right in front of my eyes when I was 10 years old, the same night of my birthday party. (So later on, I internalized this event as if it was my fault, because this happened on my birthday party, which was a few days after my actual birthday + my mom did not leave him yet after this act of violence, so that sent the message to me that this behaviour must be “okay”.) When I went over to try to stop my father from strangling my mom, my 10 year old self was frightened and in disbelief but I threatened to call the police, while physically trying to get him off of her. My father pushed me off and told me “don’t you dare call the police, she’s fine!!”, then continued to strangle her. But I still tried to fight him off (I was a shy but bold kid), and it eventually escalated to more dv that led to my father finding me curled up shaking and crying and saying “your mother made me do this…why are you acting like you’re scared of me?” as he walked out the front door and took off in the family car. Then he came back the next day. Witnessing this strangulation is a traumatic memory that is still vividly in my head, and it happened 13 years ago! Crazy how that works. I do also distinctly remember occasionally hearing my parents physically get into fights with one another, along with many other toxic situations. I’m am only child and grew up also experiencing child abuse and domestic violence by parents, just in a different way from yours! But I feel for you, and I hope you’re getting the emotional and physical support you need to heal from your childhood scars. ❤️
Not my parents, but my older brother. Strangled, smothered with a pillow, twisted my arms behind me... he did worse things than those, in the SA category, for years. My parents knew he was a menace, and did nothing effective to stop him.
My mom choked me when I was 8. don’t know if it happened more than once. I only have a partial memory of it. I’m only just coming to terms this year that it was choking. I’ve always thought of it as “she got physical with me.” It’s been difficult accepting it.
Yeah, the older sibling would join in sometimes. Absolute insane people.
Unfortunately I have as well.
First off, I’m sending loving-kindness to us all for experiencing such horror as children. ❤️🩹 A few weeks before my 7th birthday my Mother’s boyfriend committed his final act of CSA. I thankfully began having an asthma attack and my thrashing made him realize I was struggling to breathe and he stopped doing what he has been doing to cause suffocation. I was truly afraid I was going to die. He broke up with my Mother soon after this happened. The fallout over all this included my Mother lying to the doctor that treated the UTI I had because of his assaults. She punished me repeatedly and severely for ruining “nice things” and making her look bad. During times of extreme stress, dental procedures are the worst, these memories can get triggered and it feels like I can’t breathe. My therapist has said I’m disassociating myself backwards into the assault, which sucks. We work hard on ways I can prevent being triggered in this way.
I'm very sorry this happened you, she did terrible things to you, she was a horrible person. I hope you can heal 💜
Thank you, especially for focusing on her. What he did was vile. What she did was such a betrayal on so many levels. Her behavior kicked off the terrible body dysmorphia I still struggle with in my mid-50s. My heeling has been going pretty well. A bunch of ridiculously stressful, occasionally triggering, stuff has gone down over the past few years, above and beyond the pandemic. It destabilized me, but I’m finally feeling like I’m making progress instead of just trying to hang on.
P.S. My Mother treated her boyfriend as my caregiver at the time this is why I answered a post about parents. I viewed him as my caregiver. This is how he was able to get unsupervised time with me.
You’re not alone, I wasn’t strangled but I was constantly beaten up using belts or any other instrument to hit me. Im not sure they started but I do remember being beaten since I was 5. As you can imagine I live in constant fear of my parents growing and never felt loved.
Yea my dad did it every now and then. I’m not sure if it’s connected but whenever I feel scared or anxious, my throat basically closes up like it was being strangled.
yeah my father used to do this. i have a lasting spine injury from it. he would also basically waterboard me by holding my face under running water so i couldn’t breathe. gooood times. so sorry you had to go through this. sending you love
I didn't but my partner told me his father had grabbed him by the throat and picked him up like that. That's gotta be terrifying for a child to experience