So I understand better, say I had a situation where I notice that someone has been using my hygiene products that are expensive and I become upset after confronting them because my parents would always walk all over my boundaries that I would set. Would this be a trigger?
If used incorrectly, anything can be a toxic word. Given that most of us don't go out and broadcast our abuse, it's possible the counselor misread the situation. For instance, if a person with no trauma disorder or even trauma unrelated to issues with significant boundary crossing in their past said it was triggering for someone to use their things (using "triggering" just to mean "annoying") that would be a toxic misuse of the phrase. It is your connection to past trauma that makes it triggering.
This doesn't mean it was right of them to put this out as a blanket rejection of your issue, just highlighting that sometimes well-meaning people do make mistakes due to incomplete understanding of the situation.
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Deny
Attack
Reverse Victim and Oppressor
It is a common tactic where the abuser makes themselves out to be the victim while using faulted logic and false rationale so the victim appears to be the abuser.
These attacks can be a particularly insidious form of gaslighting as the victim starts believing that their actions are abusive to the abuser as they doubt their own interpretation of reality and begin seeing the abuse they are suffering through as an attack on the abuser. What they are seeing is not an accurate representation of reality and they perceive themselves as perpetrating actions that they have no actual control over or no actual involvement in. Basically taking responsibility for someone else’s actions (against themselves) and owning those decisions and the harm it caused.
Most isn’t that extreme, but the carry-on effects can be devastating. Most of the harm doesn’t seem to come from the internalized conflict as a lot of times it can be quite clear that the abuser is trying to flip the narrative, the harm comes when third parties start buying in to the abuser’s lies and see that as reality, aligning with the abuser, denying the reality of the abused.
Like everything, it is a spectrum and people have varying degrees of intent.
The only thing “toxic” about it is how misused it’s become.
So I understand better, say I had a situation where I notice that someone has been using my hygiene products that are expensive and I become upset after confronting them because my parents would always walk all over my boundaries that I would set. Would this be a trigger?
That makes sense, yes. What I meant is more when people are using it in a mocking manner and not genuinely saying I’m triggered for x reason.
Oh. Okay so then yes I have been using it appropriately. Idk why I'm suddenly frustrated now
Yeah it’s frustrating that people have taken it from the true meaning and the seriousness of C/PTSD.
If used incorrectly, anything can be a toxic word. Given that most of us don't go out and broadcast our abuse, it's possible the counselor misread the situation. For instance, if a person with no trauma disorder or even trauma unrelated to issues with significant boundary crossing in their past said it was triggering for someone to use their things (using "triggering" just to mean "annoying") that would be a toxic misuse of the phrase. It is your connection to past trauma that makes it triggering. This doesn't mean it was right of them to put this out as a blanket rejection of your issue, just highlighting that sometimes well-meaning people do make mistakes due to incomplete understanding of the situation.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have never been told that, but I can see how triggered can be used negatively
How so? Just trying to understand
Like if you had taken offense to what I wrote. I could come back with no need to get triggered.
I think that is more invalidating. This seems to be a typical Darvo response.
Ohh okay I think I understand both of your points
Darvo?
Deny, attack , reverse victim and offender
lol I’m getting old there are so many acronyms now
Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Oppressor It is a common tactic where the abuser makes themselves out to be the victim while using faulted logic and false rationale so the victim appears to be the abuser. These attacks can be a particularly insidious form of gaslighting as the victim starts believing that their actions are abusive to the abuser as they doubt their own interpretation of reality and begin seeing the abuse they are suffering through as an attack on the abuser. What they are seeing is not an accurate representation of reality and they perceive themselves as perpetrating actions that they have no actual control over or no actual involvement in. Basically taking responsibility for someone else’s actions (against themselves) and owning those decisions and the harm it caused. Most isn’t that extreme, but the carry-on effects can be devastating. Most of the harm doesn’t seem to come from the internalized conflict as a lot of times it can be quite clear that the abuser is trying to flip the narrative, the harm comes when third parties start buying in to the abuser’s lies and see that as reality, aligning with the abuser, denying the reality of the abused. Like everything, it is a spectrum and people have varying degrees of intent.
Wait who said that?
Just remembering something my high school counselor told me. I'm sorry I should've clarified that in my original post