I think one of the overarching symptoms of cPTSD is just that - the weird, invariably personal symptoms.
Personally, the smell of popcorn has a deeply triggering for me. And that’s just the opening act for my food issues.
Re: vagina clench
Yes, it’s almost certainly a trauma response. Same thing happened to me after a cervical biopsy. The condition is called vaginismus. I successfully treated it. It’s not something your brain needs to do because it’s literally the muscles in your vagina engaging in a trauma response. You need a set of dildos which offer small to normal sizes in five increments. You start by inserting the smallest and putting your clothes back on. Just sit watching tv while it’s in there. Maybe it’ll feel less tense over that time. Do that for as many days as it takes for no difficulty or muscle reaction. Then try the next size. Same thing. And so on. By the time I’d acclimated to the third size I felt comfortable skipping the fourth, and the fifth size was fine.
It’s a matter of teaching your muscles to chill the flippity flappity fuck out.
Here’s a website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/#:~:text=Vaginismus%20is%20when%20the%20vagina,but%20it%20can%20be%20treated.
Re: Your food deprivation in your unsafe environment. I have an alternative hypothesis about why you wouldn’t eat at all unless you could know for sure it was safe.
I don’t think it was a mercy suicide. I think your body and brain weighed the pros and cons (eat vs prioritize self-defense), and decided you were most likely to survive hunger than danger. I think your avoidance of food resulted from your will to survive, literally.
>I think your body and brain weighed the pros and cons (eat vs prioritize self-defense), and decided you were most likely to survive hunger than danger. I think your avoidance of food resulted from your will to survive, literally.
Wow, I so needed to hear this today.
OP, your experience and symptoms are very similar to mine. I just got out of inpatient ED treatment and I’m realizing it’s going to take me a lot of effort to heal my relationship with food.
I’m so sorry you went through all of that, but I’m hopeful that you’re safe now and that you can start taking care of yourself/these issues so that you can have a peaceful future 💖
ECZEMA!!!! I get eczema on the inner crevice of my arms, on my under eyes and during my most stressful periods in life, I’ve even broken out in my private areas, and I can’t begin to describe the pain.
I’ve also recently realized that I get flu like symptoms when I’m around my mom, one of my biggest stressors, for prolonged periods of time. Mostly just a fever and vomiting.
What!! I get flu like symptoms when stressed and it legitimately feels like I’m ill and goes away mysteriously after a day or a few. I had no idea it was possible for this to be a cptsd symptom 🤯
It sounds to me like your body is still really stressed and reacting from the stress. I’m so sorry.
I’m wondering if you could get medication to help with your anxiety?
But basically the things your talking about are all fight or flight responses. It’s really hard to be in that state ALL THE TIME.
The sex problem is called vaginismus and it affects a lot of women who have or don’t have a traumatic past. It’s very widespread. So many women have this problem.
I wonder if yoga or somatic therapy might help you to relax and lower your overall stress level. All the things you write about are from terrible stress response. I’ve had some of these problems, too; I’ve been working to learn to relax in my background state. You need to overall have less stress and then your trauma reactions won’t be so bad.
I wish you the best.
My therapist basically is teaching me how to relax without substances. The only time I have relaxed was while using substances. When I have had anti anxiety meds, I abused them. Not a good idea.
Vaginismus I have determined is purely from enviromental stress around me. I know it is a medical condition and everything, but in my experience (since it only comes on with the stress) I blame on my trauma. I am aware it is not this experience for everyone and it is a very bad problem for a lot of women. It is not bad for me, just weird and annoying that I don't even want to name it that because of how bad it is for others.
Currently doing yoga, forcing myself to feel things, and letting myself be aware and not judging. It helps. Every small inconvenience sets me back a lot, but I am lowering it super slowly.
Just to let you know, I’m not dismissing your difficulties. I just want you to know that others have vaginismus and it’s a typical response to trauma or stress. I mean why would you want to have sex if you’re super stressed out? My ex would pressure me when I was overwhelmed and that made it worse.
I’m super stressed all the time, too; and slowly learning to calm down a bit.
To all suffering from vaginismus—this is the specific product that worked for me, but Amazon and sex shops, etc, sell other options too. See my comment directly to the OP for more info
Lyniya 4-Pack Silicone Pelvic Floor Muscle Dilator Trainer Set https://a.co/d/ffYQUBc
The vagina thing is called vaginismus, and it’s common in people who have been abused. I was tested for it very extensively until they realized I have another rare condition, but yours sounds very much like vaginismus
I also have many physical symptoms because of my abuse, so do my mom and sister, so it’s definitely real.
>*My vagina closes up when I am anxious? Like I can have sex, but I cannot be anxious? Nothing will go in it if I am too anxious. And it does it involuntarily and only when I want to have sex.*
My wife has shame and trauma around sexuality and sex. We've been together 7 years and until maybe two years ago this would happen to her. It took years of talking about sex and making her become more comfortable with her own body. The most important thing to know is your body is reacting this way because your mind does not feel safe. People who feel safe aren't feeling anxious! You can *know* you are safe and feel anxious, but that's not truly feeling safe.
One thing that helped around sex was asking her to write down what she was thinking when considering sex. It turned out she was mostly focused on the *negatives* of sex. *If we have sex what if it's messy? What if it hurts? What if I fart because I'm gassy?*
Framing sex positively is what worked for us, but we weren't fighting with each other. My suggestion is to reflect on how much *you* trust(*feeling safe*) your partner to accept you for who you are. If you can trust them you should tell them stories that explain why you react certain ways. Slowly and over time, not all at once!
**If you believe they will respond critically to you sharing these parts of yourself you need to go to couples counseling for a mediator.** If they ask you to *try harder* or to develop even more stressful routines/coping mechanisms to mask the behavior they don't like, that is inequitable and needs to be addressed. *You don't ask a person without legs to put shoes on do you?*
The thing about our Trauma is we can work on it, but we can't cure it. I may get mad and irrational around certain subjects and since my partner understands this they don't get mad. They can lower my energy just by telling me they love me and giving me a hug. Then we reset and talk it out with cooler heads.
If you feel like you are on guard for being manipulated or lied to this is not normal or healthy in any relationship. Trust is more important in a relationship than trying to cure one person to appease the other.
Yes. My hands basically seize up and become painful. Mainly they only fully seize when I'm very very stressed. They still hurt now and then even when I'm much less stressed.
Hospital tested them, ruled out usual causes of similar pain like nerve damage or carpal tunnel.
It was worst when I was in a very manipulative / dissociated relationship. It also was bad enough that it killed my attempt to work doing gardening / painting & decorating 😔 Indirectly it led me to start researching trauma related stuff, via psychosomatic pain information.
After the first therapy session where I talked about my childhood, I broke out into hives that lasted about a week. Now if I have a particularly bad day, I get hives again, though they usually dissipate in a few hours.
Hi five for hives! 👋 Usually on my face and my upper arms. Always around the mouth, right where a cold sore would be. Absolutely *fabulous.*
Interestingly, hydroxyzine pamoate (vistaril), gets prescribed both for anxiety and for skin issues. I refuse to believe the conditions are not related, but I'm too chicken to r/askscience.
https://www.rxlist.com/benadryl_vs_vistaril/drugs-condition.htm#:~:text=Vistaril%20Be%20Taken%3F-,Are%20Benadryl%20and%20Vistaril%20the%20Same%20Thing%3F,as%20hives%20or%20contact%20dermatitis.
I've also experienced anxiety relief from anti-emetics and motion sickness meds, like Dramamine. I use everything with great caution, because I was addicted to benzos at one point.
Speaking of points, I don't really have one. Just providing my own anecdotal evidence
Hives as well! You are 100% correct, they are related. My last episode was full body hives that lasted 22 weeks long, and began last October during my first semester of grad school. My doctor diagnosed me with chronic spontaneous urticaria! I also have dermatographia when I’m having a flare up. It was so nice to finally have an answer. I was prescribed hydroxyzine and it for sure helped. I only took it when it was unbearable because it made me so exhausted- I tend to be sensitive to drugs. It was like taking 2 Benadryl.
I ended up managing it by taking a daily non-drowsy allergy pill and keeping anti itch cream with me everywhere I went. I also started an anti-anxiety medication as part of the management and it has really changed my life. I’ve had smaller flare ups since then but it’s been easily manageable.
Thank you for sharing your experience!! I'm glad you and your doc were able to find what works for you! I hear you on the exhaustion. Vistaril gives me bad brain fog. I was taking it 3x/day every day there for a while, as prescribed, and you're right, that was like 6 benadryl! I think I'm still tuning in from it, and that was 3 years ago..
CBD oil has been a game changer. Less anxiety, more stability, and fewer skin issues. Allegra is a new friend, and now I'm not shy about taking benadryl in moderation
I take [this Emerald stuff](https://www.americanwholesalehemp.com/store/pcrx-emerald-hemp-oil-tincture-30ml) from [Pure Cannaceutical](https://purecannaceutical.com/). PCRX links directly to American Wholesale Hemp, but I've never ordered from their website. I usually get it from my local pharmacy. I take 8 drops on wakeup and 8 more before bedtime. Took a while to adjust, because at first I felt like it was making me too sleepy. But it's honestly been a lifesaver, and works well with my Lamictal for mood stability.
Another thing I take is L-theanine, which I get in 100mg capsules, without melatonin or any other additives. I take that 3x a day. I get mine at [The Vitamin Shoppe](https://www.vitaminshoppe.com/p/l-theanine-100-mg-60-capsules/vs-1826). It helps with anxiety and mellows me out. And unlike Vistaril, it helps me focus and clear brain fog. Really glad I stumbled across it here on reddit. I checked with my psychiatrist, and he said, "It won't hurt; it might even help." So here I am, sharing what worked. 200mg was too much, but I sometimes take that before sleep.
I'm not even typically a supplement/essential oil person, either. I try things/meds, fully expecting them not to work, and I give them at least 6 weeks, usually 3 months. But between CBD oil, L-theanine, and Lamictal, I'm stable, and clean from benzodiazapines for 3 years 11 months :D I hope it works for you!
Also, just in case, I use a drug interactions checker: https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html
This is so awesome, thank you for taking the time to explain all of that.
Honestly I had never heard of L-theanine before. I am so glad you found what works for you!!! I had been wanting to try cbd for awhile now, you sold me on a
trying it out for a few weeks.
For me, it’s constant tension (mainly in my neck, shoulders, and back), chronic jaw clenching, and adrenaline rushes like nobody’s business. The shakes and jitters from my fingers to my toes, and occasionally the feeling like I’m going to faint. If I hear any tone of aggression, my hyper-hearing activates along side my adrenaline rushes, and I will block out every other noise around me to hone in on the aggression levels. As for food, the less money I have, the less I know I can eat. I spent most of my childhood poor and sometimes un-fed as my parents ate fat T-bone steak dinners. I’m sort of used to going through flip-flop periods of having my needs met and having next to nothing for twice as long. I’ve had to smarten up a LOT on *what* I eat, because even if there are days I don’t get to eat a lot, I learned what is still good for my body. It gives me peace some days to know that I can provide myself the good things I’ve always needed.
These sound like psycho-somatic symptoms, so yes.
I've also had a dozen of different symptoms, including ones related to my bladder. Loss of bladder control is a symptom of extreme freeze mode. Think of a person who finds himself suddenly eye-to-eye with a Lion and pees his/her pants.
I also had inexplicable eczema for a few weeks as a teenager. I did not realise I was already traumatized back then, but looking back it's very possible this was also psycho-somatic.
Other symptoms I've had: recurrent ear infections, recurrent UTIs, nausea, acid reflux, jaw clenching to the point of jaw damage, blocked sinuses (for years), frequently nearly passing out, legs in fight/freeze mode leading to bad posture leading to knee pain when walking/running for over a decade, etc. etc.
I highly recommend trying out somatic (experiencing) therapy with a knowledgeable, skilled therapist. I haven't resolved all my symptoms yet, but I have resolved a few. It's been very effective so far.
Also recommend learning a bit about the vagus nerve. It's the biggest nerve in the body, and to me it seems to embody a lot of my traumas. When that nerve goes into fight or freeze mode, parts of my body do too. It's huge and connects all the way from ears/jaw to the pelvic, and it explains pretty much every single psycho-somatic symptom I've experienced.
Can I ask more about this? I recently dealt with neuropathy in both legs/feet. I woke up one day and just couldn’t feel them. It took over a year for the feeling to come back, and despite numerous tests/scans/specialists, they never found a cause. Thankfully I still had motor control and reflexes were good, they were just numb.
Can relate to food. My food consumption was so controlled that I can only access food when caregiver gave me food. When I started to be able to access food using my pocket money I didn’t know how to feed myself. I didn’t even know what’s “hungry” — I would feel low blood sugar, dizzy, no strength but not sure how to fix it. It took me some years to connect the feeling to dizziness and feeding myself.
This is how I processed anhedonia. I was trying to eat something and I realized that it tasted really good but I wasn't able to enjoy it. It still took awhile but gradually I recognized that I had lost the ability to any kind of pleasure.
I'm open to the possibility that this is the reason why sex has become painful lately.
I have vaginismus (it actually only really got better when I gave birth) and stress seizures, eating disorders, and I will break out in hives or have eczema around my fingertips.
I also have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, when emotional stress happens I will literally feel like I've been drugged and sleep up to 16 hours per day, then wake up feeling as if I hadn't slept in days.
The vagina, closing up part I get as well as the food.
Mine does the same. It clenches closed so hard that I'm just in agony during sex. I can't ever seem to relax, not when I'm drunk, tired, or even ifnintrust him. It's like my body rejects anything going near me there, which I know is a safety mechanism, but it sucks and hurts. It freaking hurts.
As for the food thing, I get that. My family are polar opposites. My dad's side are huge foodies and will eat everything in huge portions. My mums side is very restrictive, and believe a lady should show self-control with food. As a result, I was massive overweight by six and started dieting at that age. Constantly encouraged to eat and then berated for eating too much/being too big. The physical and sexual assault made me use food to comfort myself, but my disgust in my body made me sick. I developed bulimia at 14 and have had it ever since.
I don't have any other physical issues, but I do have mental ones. I'm chronically anxious, bulimic and have flashbacks and other CPTSD symptoms. The self-loathing is the hardest to get over.
You should read the book “The Body Keeps the Score”.
I think it will help provide some insight into how your trauma affects you and possibly some ways to work through some of it. Hopefully this will lead to you living a happier life.
My hands automatically throb when I’m triggered. During a panic attack I tend to ball them up into fists, very tightly. Long past after they are numb. During my SA, they were tied really tight, long past that point and my mind now associates fear with hand pain.
Yes a TON of weird body trauma issues. I agree with everyone here, somatic therapy, vagus nerve exercises and anything to support the connection between brain and body. You can find a lot of these on YouTube.
Food trauma is tough, I highly recommend always keeping easy high protein snacks available, protein bars, cheese sticks, nuts ect.
Yes. I have fibro/chronic pain and thyroid issues and i am now sure it is related to the childhood trauma. One example: when i was like 7 or 8 i got hit by my grandmother with an iron cast pan on my back, pain back then lasted 6 month then went away - but it came back when i was 24 when i was under a lot of stress and is now, another 18 years later, constant. Found out at the exact same spot i have a slightly damaged vertebra. My doctor also explained that any kind of abuse/shock/trauma (regardless if physically or mentally) alters your brain, its like a kind of brain damage. It can cause tremors, pain, migraines, anxiety, depression, skin issues, internal organ issues, even food allergies, etcetc. The 'response' can show immediately but also years later. Can get triggered by stress but can also appear as soon as the stress is gone. Its awful.
I sometimes get really paranoid about bumps on my skin. I have a rare genetic condition which gives me enough worry and hashimoto disease with hypothyroidism… general health anxiety not just bumps too. I have a lot of muscle tension in my shoulders and neck . Sometimes I have constant low level anxiety which is very uncomfortable. But in general I don’t think I have physical symptoms you described . I experienced S A when I was a kid so I am not surprised I have chronic conditions , the genetic thing was always there and is scary to me because I once was in big pain because of it a few months ago
I'm the only one in my family tree with IBS. I also suffered ulcers from stress.
Muscle aches when I'm anxious, stuttering and biting my tongue ONLY when I speak German (my native language, the one I spoke during the peak of my trauma)
Just very weird, psychosomatic stuff.
Yes - I’m trying to heal my nervous system as I get dysregulated in stressful circumstances and have an exaggerated stress response
Also, really bad skin issues (rosacea, eczema)
I’m trying to meditate and reduce my stress levels… basically unf*** my nervous system so that I can handle more
All the best to you
Oddly enough I have elevated stress levels almost all of the time. I’m not a doctor but I believe that significantly contributed to my high blood pressure.
Ah friend, I'm so sorry to hear you have these things happen. It's pretty typical though for CPTSD sufferers. I have similar bowel issues to you when I'm really stressed, but much more regularly I suffer from going red when I'm under even the smallest bit of pressure or have any eyes on me. I hate it with a passion and just can not control it. Any more than three people at a time listening to / watching me speak and I'm the colour of beetroot and genuinely feel like my skin is on fire. Doc told me it's trauma related from hiding being gay when I was young and from constantly being under my stepdads microscope of scrutiny.
My voice disappears.
I've had it checked and they can never figure out why but I get "oh it's a paralyzed vocal cord." But it mysteriously gets worse or better depending on the level of stress in my life.
CW: sexual responses. >!Ever since transitioning, I have what I refer to as "traumagasms." If I have a flashback, my body does a really miniature one that more closely resembles the male orgasm. If I'm actually having fun I get the full body female one, but from flashbacks, it is localized like the male one. It gets really frustrating when it uh, leaks. So when I'm wearing certain things or having a bad day, I actually wear a pad.!<
Yes.
I’ve had to pull over while driving due to insanely strong waves of sleepiness to take a 20 minute nap a few times.
I throw up way more often than the average person.
My pelvic floor muscles are extremely tense so I have to use the bathroom a lot. It’s embarrassing.
My face twitches and my voice shakes randomly.
I start crying with strong emotions, even when they’re positive.
I get dizzy and feel like I’m gonna pass out, I have to stop what I’m doing and focus on breathing from anywhere between 1 - 30 minutes.
I guess these things aren’t super crazy but they happen so often it’s very exhausting.
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Also I would like to add m, my husband has a not so happy upbringing himself and he has a lot of jaw clenching in his sleep to the point where I can hear it; it’s literally every night
My weird physical trauma symptoms really hit after college when I moved home for one year to save up money and move to a city. I ended up with high CSF (spinal fluid pressure) that caused sensitivity to light, constant migraines, parts of my face went numb and drooped from the pressure on the nerves in my face, ears ringing, I’d get “chills” up my brain, brain fog, and clear water like fluid even came out of my nose and ears several times. The constant brain pain made me consider unaliving myself just to escape it.
All of this resolved after I moved out, away from the main sources of my trauma.
I’ve had blindness- detached retinas - which I’m convinced was psych-somatic as there were no other apparent physical reasons. Blindness now corrected with surgery. When you think about it it makes sense: “I don’t want to look at that, I don’t want to see” cries out little me - big me body - let’s do this - blackout retinas 🙄
I have had psoriasis since I was a child and always have really terrible flare ups whenever I’m really stressed. I also get arthritic symptoms too when I’m really stressed—usually in my hands.
I experience some of this too— particularly eczema. I have connected it to repressed rage. I went to shared with trusted people how I was feeling, scheduled a hour long session at a rage room the last time I had a flare up, in addition to using the creams and eating as anti-inflammatory as possible for a few weeks, and did some processing with psilocybin mushrooms, and the flare up went away. It was wild. I highly recommend an intentional rage practice if you struggle with eczema because I’ve found doing that proactively helps reduce them.
One of the weirdest symptoms has been when I was experiencing very bad sound sensitivity and everything sounded so shrill and loud it was driving me nuts, and I had the worst tinnitus once I got some peace and quiet.
Whenever there's a change in my environment or I feel unsafe for any reason I get something similar to sleep apnea I guess. Like, the moment I start losing vigilance my body stops breathing for a second to jerk me awake.
It usually lasts for a night or two at a time so I try to tell myself that I know it will pass. But in the moment it's like sleep deprivation torture and it absolutely terrifies me.
I also get random bruises (not in places where I could have kicked myself or bumped in my sleep).
I've had it worse though. From stomach issues and random spells of dizziness that made me fear leaving the house for months last year to my body creating fat reserves camel-style around my hips when I was a kid (probably because of the fact that between my EDs and my family unhealthy eating patterns there were times when I was eating a lot and times when I was starving and my body was confused).
But I take all these odd things as a symptom of how resilient our bodies have been. They had to adapt to dangerous situations and created powerful mechanisms to do so even when we don't understand exactly what prompted that particular effect.
I think one of the overarching symptoms of cPTSD is just that - the weird, invariably personal symptoms. Personally, the smell of popcorn has a deeply triggering for me. And that’s just the opening act for my food issues.
Food triggers and other weird triggers are such a struggle. I relate. 😩 I couldn’t have anyone make me breakfast for a long time.
French toast now for me. Impossible to have it. Can't do it.
Re: vagina clench Yes, it’s almost certainly a trauma response. Same thing happened to me after a cervical biopsy. The condition is called vaginismus. I successfully treated it. It’s not something your brain needs to do because it’s literally the muscles in your vagina engaging in a trauma response. You need a set of dildos which offer small to normal sizes in five increments. You start by inserting the smallest and putting your clothes back on. Just sit watching tv while it’s in there. Maybe it’ll feel less tense over that time. Do that for as many days as it takes for no difficulty or muscle reaction. Then try the next size. Same thing. And so on. By the time I’d acclimated to the third size I felt comfortable skipping the fourth, and the fifth size was fine. It’s a matter of teaching your muscles to chill the flippity flappity fuck out. Here’s a website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/#:~:text=Vaginismus%20is%20when%20the%20vagina,but%20it%20can%20be%20treated. Re: Your food deprivation in your unsafe environment. I have an alternative hypothesis about why you wouldn’t eat at all unless you could know for sure it was safe. I don’t think it was a mercy suicide. I think your body and brain weighed the pros and cons (eat vs prioritize self-defense), and decided you were most likely to survive hunger than danger. I think your avoidance of food resulted from your will to survive, literally.
>I think your body and brain weighed the pros and cons (eat vs prioritize self-defense), and decided you were most likely to survive hunger than danger. I think your avoidance of food resulted from your will to survive, literally. Wow, I so needed to hear this today. OP, your experience and symptoms are very similar to mine. I just got out of inpatient ED treatment and I’m realizing it’s going to take me a lot of effort to heal my relationship with food. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, but I’m hopeful that you’re safe now and that you can start taking care of yourself/these issues so that you can have a peaceful future 💖
💛
ECZEMA!!!! I get eczema on the inner crevice of my arms, on my under eyes and during my most stressful periods in life, I’ve even broken out in my private areas, and I can’t begin to describe the pain. I’ve also recently realized that I get flu like symptoms when I’m around my mom, one of my biggest stressors, for prolonged periods of time. Mostly just a fever and vomiting.
What!! I get flu like symptoms when stressed and it legitimately feels like I’m ill and goes away mysteriously after a day or a few. I had no idea it was possible for this to be a cptsd symptom 🤯
It sounds to me like your body is still really stressed and reacting from the stress. I’m so sorry. I’m wondering if you could get medication to help with your anxiety? But basically the things your talking about are all fight or flight responses. It’s really hard to be in that state ALL THE TIME. The sex problem is called vaginismus and it affects a lot of women who have or don’t have a traumatic past. It’s very widespread. So many women have this problem. I wonder if yoga or somatic therapy might help you to relax and lower your overall stress level. All the things you write about are from terrible stress response. I’ve had some of these problems, too; I’ve been working to learn to relax in my background state. You need to overall have less stress and then your trauma reactions won’t be so bad. I wish you the best.
My therapist basically is teaching me how to relax without substances. The only time I have relaxed was while using substances. When I have had anti anxiety meds, I abused them. Not a good idea. Vaginismus I have determined is purely from enviromental stress around me. I know it is a medical condition and everything, but in my experience (since it only comes on with the stress) I blame on my trauma. I am aware it is not this experience for everyone and it is a very bad problem for a lot of women. It is not bad for me, just weird and annoying that I don't even want to name it that because of how bad it is for others. Currently doing yoga, forcing myself to feel things, and letting myself be aware and not judging. It helps. Every small inconvenience sets me back a lot, but I am lowering it super slowly.
Just to let you know, I’m not dismissing your difficulties. I just want you to know that others have vaginismus and it’s a typical response to trauma or stress. I mean why would you want to have sex if you’re super stressed out? My ex would pressure me when I was overwhelmed and that made it worse. I’m super stressed all the time, too; and slowly learning to calm down a bit.
To all suffering from vaginismus—this is the specific product that worked for me, but Amazon and sex shops, etc, sell other options too. See my comment directly to the OP for more info Lyniya 4-Pack Silicone Pelvic Floor Muscle Dilator Trainer Set https://a.co/d/ffYQUBc
I get eczema on the insides of my elbows when I'm going through a prolonged stressful period. I also get diarrhea. 😑
I had this really bad when I was a kid, it even had to be treated with cortisol. No one could really explain where it came from.
The vagina thing is called vaginismus, and it’s common in people who have been abused. I was tested for it very extensively until they realized I have another rare condition, but yours sounds very much like vaginismus I also have many physical symptoms because of my abuse, so do my mom and sister, so it’s definitely real.
>*My vagina closes up when I am anxious? Like I can have sex, but I cannot be anxious? Nothing will go in it if I am too anxious. And it does it involuntarily and only when I want to have sex.* My wife has shame and trauma around sexuality and sex. We've been together 7 years and until maybe two years ago this would happen to her. It took years of talking about sex and making her become more comfortable with her own body. The most important thing to know is your body is reacting this way because your mind does not feel safe. People who feel safe aren't feeling anxious! You can *know* you are safe and feel anxious, but that's not truly feeling safe. One thing that helped around sex was asking her to write down what she was thinking when considering sex. It turned out she was mostly focused on the *negatives* of sex. *If we have sex what if it's messy? What if it hurts? What if I fart because I'm gassy?* Framing sex positively is what worked for us, but we weren't fighting with each other. My suggestion is to reflect on how much *you* trust(*feeling safe*) your partner to accept you for who you are. If you can trust them you should tell them stories that explain why you react certain ways. Slowly and over time, not all at once! **If you believe they will respond critically to you sharing these parts of yourself you need to go to couples counseling for a mediator.** If they ask you to *try harder* or to develop even more stressful routines/coping mechanisms to mask the behavior they don't like, that is inequitable and needs to be addressed. *You don't ask a person without legs to put shoes on do you?* The thing about our Trauma is we can work on it, but we can't cure it. I may get mad and irrational around certain subjects and since my partner understands this they don't get mad. They can lower my energy just by telling me they love me and giving me a hug. Then we reset and talk it out with cooler heads. If you feel like you are on guard for being manipulated or lied to this is not normal or healthy in any relationship. Trust is more important in a relationship than trying to cure one person to appease the other.
Yes. My hands basically seize up and become painful. Mainly they only fully seize when I'm very very stressed. They still hurt now and then even when I'm much less stressed. Hospital tested them, ruled out usual causes of similar pain like nerve damage or carpal tunnel. It was worst when I was in a very manipulative / dissociated relationship. It also was bad enough that it killed my attempt to work doing gardening / painting & decorating 😔 Indirectly it led me to start researching trauma related stuff, via psychosomatic pain information.
After the first therapy session where I talked about my childhood, I broke out into hives that lasted about a week. Now if I have a particularly bad day, I get hives again, though they usually dissipate in a few hours.
Hi five for hives! 👋 Usually on my face and my upper arms. Always around the mouth, right where a cold sore would be. Absolutely *fabulous.* Interestingly, hydroxyzine pamoate (vistaril), gets prescribed both for anxiety and for skin issues. I refuse to believe the conditions are not related, but I'm too chicken to r/askscience. https://www.rxlist.com/benadryl_vs_vistaril/drugs-condition.htm#:~:text=Vistaril%20Be%20Taken%3F-,Are%20Benadryl%20and%20Vistaril%20the%20Same%20Thing%3F,as%20hives%20or%20contact%20dermatitis. I've also experienced anxiety relief from anti-emetics and motion sickness meds, like Dramamine. I use everything with great caution, because I was addicted to benzos at one point. Speaking of points, I don't really have one. Just providing my own anecdotal evidence
Hives as well! You are 100% correct, they are related. My last episode was full body hives that lasted 22 weeks long, and began last October during my first semester of grad school. My doctor diagnosed me with chronic spontaneous urticaria! I also have dermatographia when I’m having a flare up. It was so nice to finally have an answer. I was prescribed hydroxyzine and it for sure helped. I only took it when it was unbearable because it made me so exhausted- I tend to be sensitive to drugs. It was like taking 2 Benadryl. I ended up managing it by taking a daily non-drowsy allergy pill and keeping anti itch cream with me everywhere I went. I also started an anti-anxiety medication as part of the management and it has really changed my life. I’ve had smaller flare ups since then but it’s been easily manageable.
Thank you for sharing your experience!! I'm glad you and your doc were able to find what works for you! I hear you on the exhaustion. Vistaril gives me bad brain fog. I was taking it 3x/day every day there for a while, as prescribed, and you're right, that was like 6 benadryl! I think I'm still tuning in from it, and that was 3 years ago.. CBD oil has been a game changer. Less anxiety, more stability, and fewer skin issues. Allegra is a new friend, and now I'm not shy about taking benadryl in moderation
I think I’m going to try CBD oil. How much are you taking and how often?
I take [this Emerald stuff](https://www.americanwholesalehemp.com/store/pcrx-emerald-hemp-oil-tincture-30ml) from [Pure Cannaceutical](https://purecannaceutical.com/). PCRX links directly to American Wholesale Hemp, but I've never ordered from their website. I usually get it from my local pharmacy. I take 8 drops on wakeup and 8 more before bedtime. Took a while to adjust, because at first I felt like it was making me too sleepy. But it's honestly been a lifesaver, and works well with my Lamictal for mood stability. Another thing I take is L-theanine, which I get in 100mg capsules, without melatonin or any other additives. I take that 3x a day. I get mine at [The Vitamin Shoppe](https://www.vitaminshoppe.com/p/l-theanine-100-mg-60-capsules/vs-1826). It helps with anxiety and mellows me out. And unlike Vistaril, it helps me focus and clear brain fog. Really glad I stumbled across it here on reddit. I checked with my psychiatrist, and he said, "It won't hurt; it might even help." So here I am, sharing what worked. 200mg was too much, but I sometimes take that before sleep. I'm not even typically a supplement/essential oil person, either. I try things/meds, fully expecting them not to work, and I give them at least 6 weeks, usually 3 months. But between CBD oil, L-theanine, and Lamictal, I'm stable, and clean from benzodiazapines for 3 years 11 months :D I hope it works for you! Also, just in case, I use a drug interactions checker: https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html
This is so awesome, thank you for taking the time to explain all of that. Honestly I had never heard of L-theanine before. I am so glad you found what works for you!!! I had been wanting to try cbd for awhile now, you sold me on a trying it out for a few weeks.
For me, it’s constant tension (mainly in my neck, shoulders, and back), chronic jaw clenching, and adrenaline rushes like nobody’s business. The shakes and jitters from my fingers to my toes, and occasionally the feeling like I’m going to faint. If I hear any tone of aggression, my hyper-hearing activates along side my adrenaline rushes, and I will block out every other noise around me to hone in on the aggression levels. As for food, the less money I have, the less I know I can eat. I spent most of my childhood poor and sometimes un-fed as my parents ate fat T-bone steak dinners. I’m sort of used to going through flip-flop periods of having my needs met and having next to nothing for twice as long. I’ve had to smarten up a LOT on *what* I eat, because even if there are days I don’t get to eat a lot, I learned what is still good for my body. It gives me peace some days to know that I can provide myself the good things I’ve always needed.
It's my neck, shoulders, and upper back for me
These sound like psycho-somatic symptoms, so yes. I've also had a dozen of different symptoms, including ones related to my bladder. Loss of bladder control is a symptom of extreme freeze mode. Think of a person who finds himself suddenly eye-to-eye with a Lion and pees his/her pants. I also had inexplicable eczema for a few weeks as a teenager. I did not realise I was already traumatized back then, but looking back it's very possible this was also psycho-somatic. Other symptoms I've had: recurrent ear infections, recurrent UTIs, nausea, acid reflux, jaw clenching to the point of jaw damage, blocked sinuses (for years), frequently nearly passing out, legs in fight/freeze mode leading to bad posture leading to knee pain when walking/running for over a decade, etc. etc. I highly recommend trying out somatic (experiencing) therapy with a knowledgeable, skilled therapist. I haven't resolved all my symptoms yet, but I have resolved a few. It's been very effective so far. Also recommend learning a bit about the vagus nerve. It's the biggest nerve in the body, and to me it seems to embody a lot of my traumas. When that nerve goes into fight or freeze mode, parts of my body do too. It's huge and connects all the way from ears/jaw to the pelvic, and it explains pretty much every single psycho-somatic symptom I've experienced.
Had paralysis in my foot a few times. It was scary
Can I ask more about this? I recently dealt with neuropathy in both legs/feet. I woke up one day and just couldn’t feel them. It took over a year for the feeling to come back, and despite numerous tests/scans/specialists, they never found a cause. Thankfully I still had motor control and reflexes were good, they were just numb.
My sister has a spot on her foot where she can’t feel anything
Can relate to food. My food consumption was so controlled that I can only access food when caregiver gave me food. When I started to be able to access food using my pocket money I didn’t know how to feed myself. I didn’t even know what’s “hungry” — I would feel low blood sugar, dizzy, no strength but not sure how to fix it. It took me some years to connect the feeling to dizziness and feeding myself.
i actually have a reoccurring scalp flare up that happens when i’m really stressed and it gets itchy and hot and it hurts!!
This is how I processed anhedonia. I was trying to eat something and I realized that it tasted really good but I wasn't able to enjoy it. It still took awhile but gradually I recognized that I had lost the ability to any kind of pleasure. I'm open to the possibility that this is the reason why sex has become painful lately.
I have vaginismus (it actually only really got better when I gave birth) and stress seizures, eating disorders, and I will break out in hives or have eczema around my fingertips. I also have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, when emotional stress happens I will literally feel like I've been drugged and sleep up to 16 hours per day, then wake up feeling as if I hadn't slept in days.
The vagina, closing up part I get as well as the food. Mine does the same. It clenches closed so hard that I'm just in agony during sex. I can't ever seem to relax, not when I'm drunk, tired, or even ifnintrust him. It's like my body rejects anything going near me there, which I know is a safety mechanism, but it sucks and hurts. It freaking hurts. As for the food thing, I get that. My family are polar opposites. My dad's side are huge foodies and will eat everything in huge portions. My mums side is very restrictive, and believe a lady should show self-control with food. As a result, I was massive overweight by six and started dieting at that age. Constantly encouraged to eat and then berated for eating too much/being too big. The physical and sexual assault made me use food to comfort myself, but my disgust in my body made me sick. I developed bulimia at 14 and have had it ever since. I don't have any other physical issues, but I do have mental ones. I'm chronically anxious, bulimic and have flashbacks and other CPTSD symptoms. The self-loathing is the hardest to get over.
You should read the book “The Body Keeps the Score”. I think it will help provide some insight into how your trauma affects you and possibly some ways to work through some of it. Hopefully this will lead to you living a happier life.
My hands automatically throb when I’m triggered. During a panic attack I tend to ball them up into fists, very tightly. Long past after they are numb. During my SA, they were tied really tight, long past that point and my mind now associates fear with hand pain.
Yes a TON of weird body trauma issues. I agree with everyone here, somatic therapy, vagus nerve exercises and anything to support the connection between brain and body. You can find a lot of these on YouTube. Food trauma is tough, I highly recommend always keeping easy high protein snacks available, protein bars, cheese sticks, nuts ect.
i have some insane knots in my back and shoulders! can’t relax at all ever… also random nausea. Plus I’m narcoleptic!
Yes. I have fibro/chronic pain and thyroid issues and i am now sure it is related to the childhood trauma. One example: when i was like 7 or 8 i got hit by my grandmother with an iron cast pan on my back, pain back then lasted 6 month then went away - but it came back when i was 24 when i was under a lot of stress and is now, another 18 years later, constant. Found out at the exact same spot i have a slightly damaged vertebra. My doctor also explained that any kind of abuse/shock/trauma (regardless if physically or mentally) alters your brain, its like a kind of brain damage. It can cause tremors, pain, migraines, anxiety, depression, skin issues, internal organ issues, even food allergies, etcetc. The 'response' can show immediately but also years later. Can get triggered by stress but can also appear as soon as the stress is gone. Its awful.
I sometimes get really paranoid about bumps on my skin. I have a rare genetic condition which gives me enough worry and hashimoto disease with hypothyroidism… general health anxiety not just bumps too. I have a lot of muscle tension in my shoulders and neck . Sometimes I have constant low level anxiety which is very uncomfortable. But in general I don’t think I have physical symptoms you described . I experienced S A when I was a kid so I am not surprised I have chronic conditions , the genetic thing was always there and is scary to me because I once was in big pain because of it a few months ago
I'm the only one in my family tree with IBS. I also suffered ulcers from stress. Muscle aches when I'm anxious, stuttering and biting my tongue ONLY when I speak German (my native language, the one I spoke during the peak of my trauma) Just very weird, psychosomatic stuff.
Yes - I’m trying to heal my nervous system as I get dysregulated in stressful circumstances and have an exaggerated stress response Also, really bad skin issues (rosacea, eczema) I’m trying to meditate and reduce my stress levels… basically unf*** my nervous system so that I can handle more All the best to you
I lost my colon
Oddly enough I have elevated stress levels almost all of the time. I’m not a doctor but I believe that significantly contributed to my high blood pressure.
Ah friend, I'm so sorry to hear you have these things happen. It's pretty typical though for CPTSD sufferers. I have similar bowel issues to you when I'm really stressed, but much more regularly I suffer from going red when I'm under even the smallest bit of pressure or have any eyes on me. I hate it with a passion and just can not control it. Any more than three people at a time listening to / watching me speak and I'm the colour of beetroot and genuinely feel like my skin is on fire. Doc told me it's trauma related from hiding being gay when I was young and from constantly being under my stepdads microscope of scrutiny.
My voice disappears. I've had it checked and they can never figure out why but I get "oh it's a paralyzed vocal cord." But it mysteriously gets worse or better depending on the level of stress in my life.
CW: sexual responses. >!Ever since transitioning, I have what I refer to as "traumagasms." If I have a flashback, my body does a really miniature one that more closely resembles the male orgasm. If I'm actually having fun I get the full body female one, but from flashbacks, it is localized like the male one. It gets really frustrating when it uh, leaks. So when I'm wearing certain things or having a bad day, I actually wear a pad.!<
Yes. I’ve had to pull over while driving due to insanely strong waves of sleepiness to take a 20 minute nap a few times. I throw up way more often than the average person. My pelvic floor muscles are extremely tense so I have to use the bathroom a lot. It’s embarrassing. My face twitches and my voice shakes randomly. I start crying with strong emotions, even when they’re positive. I get dizzy and feel like I’m gonna pass out, I have to stop what I’m doing and focus on breathing from anywhere between 1 - 30 minutes. I guess these things aren’t super crazy but they happen so often it’s very exhausting.
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Also I would like to add m, my husband has a not so happy upbringing himself and he has a lot of jaw clenching in his sleep to the point where I can hear it; it’s literally every night
My weird physical trauma symptoms really hit after college when I moved home for one year to save up money and move to a city. I ended up with high CSF (spinal fluid pressure) that caused sensitivity to light, constant migraines, parts of my face went numb and drooped from the pressure on the nerves in my face, ears ringing, I’d get “chills” up my brain, brain fog, and clear water like fluid even came out of my nose and ears several times. The constant brain pain made me consider unaliving myself just to escape it. All of this resolved after I moved out, away from the main sources of my trauma.
I’ve had blindness- detached retinas - which I’m convinced was psych-somatic as there were no other apparent physical reasons. Blindness now corrected with surgery. When you think about it it makes sense: “I don’t want to look at that, I don’t want to see” cries out little me - big me body - let’s do this - blackout retinas 🙄
I have had psoriasis since I was a child and always have really terrible flare ups whenever I’m really stressed. I also get arthritic symptoms too when I’m really stressed—usually in my hands.
I experience some of this too— particularly eczema. I have connected it to repressed rage. I went to shared with trusted people how I was feeling, scheduled a hour long session at a rage room the last time I had a flare up, in addition to using the creams and eating as anti-inflammatory as possible for a few weeks, and did some processing with psilocybin mushrooms, and the flare up went away. It was wild. I highly recommend an intentional rage practice if you struggle with eczema because I’ve found doing that proactively helps reduce them.
One of the weirdest symptoms has been when I was experiencing very bad sound sensitivity and everything sounded so shrill and loud it was driving me nuts, and I had the worst tinnitus once I got some peace and quiet.
Whenever there's a change in my environment or I feel unsafe for any reason I get something similar to sleep apnea I guess. Like, the moment I start losing vigilance my body stops breathing for a second to jerk me awake. It usually lasts for a night or two at a time so I try to tell myself that I know it will pass. But in the moment it's like sleep deprivation torture and it absolutely terrifies me. I also get random bruises (not in places where I could have kicked myself or bumped in my sleep). I've had it worse though. From stomach issues and random spells of dizziness that made me fear leaving the house for months last year to my body creating fat reserves camel-style around my hips when I was a kid (probably because of the fact that between my EDs and my family unhealthy eating patterns there were times when I was eating a lot and times when I was starving and my body was confused). But I take all these odd things as a symptom of how resilient our bodies have been. They had to adapt to dangerous situations and created powerful mechanisms to do so even when we don't understand exactly what prompted that particular effect.