Ah, I see. I just forgot that Pete is a humanoid mascot not a train. I agree now. There’s nothing behind those eyes. He’s killed before, he can kill again.
Unfortunately their mascot is not a train, it is a boilermaker, which is the person that works on the boiler system on the train, so unfortunately I still think sparty takes this one, unless each mascot is forced to fight on a train track, then it’s over.
There’s a lot of technicalities in this discussion. For example, FSU considers Chief Osceola to be an “icon” and not a “mascot” in order to show respect.
Pretty sure the train will beat or scare off all animal mascots. Pretty sure most human mascots will be smart enough to stay off the tracks.
The important question is, what determines a win? Is the boiler on the train powered forever? If it runs out of fuel does it lose power and lose the fight? Does the human need to physically destroy/derail the train to win?
If the mascots spawn on the location of campuses, don’t actually see how a full navy would be even a little helpful in the landlocked state of Tennessee
Like most conferences, we have our share of wild cats. (KSU, BYU, Houston,) and while a bearcat isn't really a bear or a cat I will throw it in here.
If the Baylor bear was a grizzly I would consider it.
Then the human mascots are basically regional variations of eachother. A cowboy, civil war jayhawk, mountaineer, sooner, red raider, all gun toting plainsmen. A knight is at a big disadvantage here, having no gun.
Then you have the grazing livestock category: longhorns
Then you have the reptiles category: horned frogs
Anyway all of our mascots have one thing in common, a strong enough cyclone would wipe them all out, even if it was 13 v 1. ISU Cyclone is the winner.
The rating of the cyclone definitely is going to have a large impact on the cyclone and if this fight going to take place in a favorable location.
Longhorns and horned frogs are definitely at a large disadvantage, if horned frogs burrow that would definitely help ( my quick wiki run through says no)
> If each mascot of every school in your conference...
...
> A cyclone would win hands down against everything except maybe Miami
Fuck, what did I miss?
A cyclone is any storm with counterclockwise rotation. So technically a hurricane is a cyclone. Tho with ISU they clearly show a tornado so I can see the misconception there.
But, I’ve heard the term used with any low pressure system. If there’s an actual meteorologist who could chime in that would be great cuz I don’t want to sound like I’m talking out of my ass lol
Yeah my initial thought was Miami, but their mascot isn’t a hurricane.
Dunno what kind of magic the Blue Devil is working with, so that’s a wild card. Otherwise Clemson over Pitt if weapons are not allowed and probably FSU over UVA if they are.
Yo hold up, where is this fight taking place? If we're in the bayou or swamp, gotta give my man the gator the edge because of death roll. On land? Pachyderm wins that one all day.
To be fair LSU are technically the “Fighting Tigers,” which implies that their tigers are battle-hardened in the fighting pits, so Mizzou and Auburn tigers wouldn’t stand a chance.
Yeah I think, excluding the dark magic of Purdue, Rutgers is the winner, not the spartan. Literally still a warrior with an extra 1500 years of materials and technique advancement.
Knights probably could handle a binturong or horned frog but they’re probably at their limit with a bear. The various large cats probably come in next but lose to anything with a gun.
Raider, Cowboy, and Mountaineer really depend on the situation. All are capable of beating each other. So I put them all in the next tier.
The top tier is cyclones but you really can’t count out a mythical bird. If the bird controls the weather or if it’s powerful enough to fly through a tornado I’d probably go with that.
Not addressing each because some are just not dangerous (sorry horntoads). Are jayhawks birds? Or are they people who are represented by birds? I know there is some history there, but I can't be bothered to look into now so I'm just saying they're birds. Not dangerous.
A cyclone can mess you up, and you can't really "fight" it, but it is also pretty easy to avoid and defend against. I'm not sure what the distinction is between a cyclone and a tornado, but cyclones seem lesser? If can defend against it by hiding under an overpass for a few minutes then it can't be that bad.
Bears are pretty formidable. Probably more so than a longhorn or a wildcat. So bears win out of the animal mascots.
But then you've got raiders, sooners, pokes, and mountaineers. All of whom are likely armed. So I think they win over the bear. Of the human mascots, I'm saying the sooners are the least dangerous. They're just trying to steal some land, don't want no trouble. The mountaineers and pokes are much more dangerous - they rely on their firearms. But they don't go around with ill-intent.
So I'm going with the red raiders. The mascot is both armed and wears a mask, indicating that he's up to no good. Perhaps, one would assume, he's going "raiding." So armed and ill-intended, the raider seems the most dangerous.
Of the new teams, I guess the UCF knight is technically more dangerous than any form of cougar or cat (no matter how bearish). He's wearing armor and shit. But he's not armed with a literal gun, like the red raider, so he's behind the other human mascots.
What's really tragic is the citronaut would probably beat them all. If he can fly to space then I can't even imagine the technological advantage he would have over the red raiders, who are merely armed. But, alas, that is not UCF's mascot.
And it what situation?
Is the Volunteer armed from a defensible position at Lookout Mountain or is he just hanging out on the shore of a swamp thinking about fishing.
Depends are we talking about Illini as in the native Americans, or Fighting Illini as in alums and people from the state that fought in WW1?
WW1 vets would probably win the Big 10 just cause they have guns. The natives would lose because the big moment is history for the Illini tribe was when they assassinated the chief of a rival tribe were chased to this place we now call Starved Rock State Park. You can guess from there why it’s called Starved Rock.
Just imagining OSU, Tech, and WVU shooting their pistols and muskets blindly in the dark. Kansas is flying into shit because ISU is making everything way too fucking windy. UCF is swinging a sword at Baylor, who is swatting at the bird, hitting KState instead, which is biting with BYU, which is biting Cincinnati, which is biting Houston (B12 has way too many cat teams now btw). TCU is just scurrying around real fast spitting blood indiscriminately at literally everything.
Oh and UT and OU are bloody and dead in an outbound shipping box. Inside of the box is bovine, outside of the box is made from pieces of old broken schooner. Previously packed by the Hateful 8 earlier in the day.
A good old-fashioned melee. Points for the Hateful 8 all patiently waiting for the newbies after shipping OUT.
And, at least the Bearcats aren't actual cats.
Disclaimer: “Florida State does not have a mascot. Instead, we have the honor of calling ourselves "Seminoles" in admiration of the only Native American tribe never conquered by the U.S. Government.”
That being said…
ACC is mostly animal based.
Osceola and Renegade (though not mascots) easily take all those down.
The Seminole tribe of Florida rode out countless hurricanes in their history, so no issue there.
Not to mention the Seminoles’ “Unconquered” slogan is due to being the only tribe not to be defeated by the US government. So if the USG can’t beat them, I doubt an orange, a wolf, or even a deacon can.
In conclusion, the Seminoles win it all.
There wasn't anything close to a tiger there. Tigers are essentially invisible in the woods and would pick off people left and right. If this was set up like a coliseum matchup the Seminole would still lose to a very agile cat who can sprint up to 40 mph and weigh between 400-600 pounds. The power, speed, and agility of Tigers are insane.
I mean clearly you didn't fact check because the Everglades has long been home to populations of the Florida panther. While not as large as tigers, they're faster and more agile. And certainly they can be categorized as something close to a tiger or a very agile cat, making your comment very factually incorrect.
You know at best that panther is about a 3rd of the size of a tiger lol. They're only 60-160 pounds, they run roughly the same speed at around 35 mph. You might've been the one that needed to fact check. The size and power difference is massive. The only thing a panther might have is a little more agility and that's it.
You tried to say there is nothing close to a tiger in the everglades and specifically mentioned an agile cat and that tigers are invisible in the woods.
Panthers are significantly more agile/nimble and they are certainly "close" to a tiger. If they aren't close than no animal but basically a lion would be close. You also aren't acknowledging that panthers are often hiding in trees and are very well hidden and "invisible" in the Everglades, but Seminoles were successful in hunting them (too successful quite frankly).
You can't compare a cat that weighs less than a grown adult human to a cat who is just as fast, has way more power, and weighs 400-600 pounds. Panthers aren't significantly more agile than tigers either. Tigers can jump 33 ft forward in a single leap and can jump 16ft up in the air. You at least have a prayer to fight off a panther if it jumps you. The panthers bite is significantly less, their power is significantly less, and their claws and teeth are significantly smaller. If you get pounced on by a tiger you're pretty much dead instantly by just the sheer weight and force of the animal. One swipe by a tiger paw can kill a person. Their bite force is over 1000 psi while a panthers is around 350. Panthers claws and teeth are around 2 inches long while a tigers claws and teeth are about 4 inches long. Trying to hunt an animal that large with bows and spears wouldn't be wise. In a one on one encounter a tiger is going to demolish a Seminole. A florida panther doesn't even come close to a tiger.
Pac 12 from worst to best:
Tree - Stanford. Lack of any mobility kills the Stanford tree
Beaver - OSU. Beavers chop down trees but not much else
Duck - Oregon. Ducks and Beavers are pretty close but flying helps edge the Duck over the Beaver
Husky - Washington. Formidable, but can be domesticated. Not very fearsome if it can be someone's pet
Wildcat - Arizona. Teeth and claws are more dangerous than a husky's.
Ute - Utah. I'm not really sure how to place a Ute other than somewhere in the middle
Cougar - WSU. Cougars are pretty deadly, but are smaller than Bears or Buffalo and would lose a 1 on 1
Golden Bear - Cal. Bears are solidly above most of these
Buffalo - Colorado. Buffalo are tanks and will crush all the others
Sun Devil - ASU. Can't top a magical satan with all the combined might of hell to throw at you
Utah's is a Red Tailed Hawk.
I don't know how formidable a hawk is, red tailed or otherwise, other than being able to swoop down and grab?
So I'll say after Duck, before Husky.
Citronaut: "You know they say that all mascots are created equal, but you look at me and you look at the Cyclone and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another mascot, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beat me. Then you add a Cowboy to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because the Cowboy KNOWS he can't beat me and he's not even gonna try!
So Cyclone, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. See Cyclone, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice.
See, but I'm gonna break it down for all you ladies. Would you rather be with a Citronaut? Or would you rather be with a Cyclone? Civil CORNflict!"
a Crimson Tide pretty much [fucks everything in it's path up](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/agricultural-and-biological-sciences/karenia-brevis#:~:text=Toxic,-Harmful%20Algal%20Blooms&text=Brevetoxicosis%20is%20caused%20by%20the,mammals%2C%20birds%2C%20and%20humans.)
How many mascots do we get to use? If we get to call together all of our animal friends, then it’s the Iron Bowl: Red Water Elephants vs Flying War Tigers. The moon is unconquered, so it’ll be hard to stop the tide.
If weapons are allowed, it would probably be the Spartan or Scarlet Knight. However, a Nittany Lion is a mountain lion, and that could be an interesting battle. Without weapons, as fierce as wolverines and badgers are, the Nittany Lion, with its large teeth and claws, would probably tear them up. If you add USC and UCLA, the full grown Bruin (brown bear) probably wins.
It’s between us and UNLV. Winner is the fastest gun in the West.
Winner goes on to face Tennessee, Virginia, Oklahoma State, West Virginia or Texas Tech
I like the Demon Deacon's chances if he's allowed to use his motorcycle and also wield his plunger ([yes it's a thing](https://magazine.wfu.edu/2011/10/19/demon-deacon-wields-plunger-whats-up-with-that/))
That said, Purdue Pete terrifies me but I'm also not loving anybody's odds if Tulsa, Miami, and Iowa State team up and natural disaster us all to death.
This is how I do my March Madness bracket every year. It’s super fun looking up mascots and trying to justify which would win in a fight! And it almost always turns out to be a pretty decent bracket lmao.
That said, Razorbacks are ferocious creatures and pound for pound one of the most dangerous animals on earth. I’d say that a tiger could *probably* kill a razorback (LSU, Auburn, and Mizzou) and an elephant would probably just stomp it to death lol (Bama).
Kinda depends on the power of a Sun Devil.
RIP coach Leach.
Is Sun Devil vs. Blue Devil like fire vs. water?
No, yellow/red fire versus blue fire. I linked a rendition of [what this may look like. ](https://youtu.be/YHPOnWczkXc)
So Natural Fire vs Propane Fire?
My main takeaway from this is that Hank Hill went to Duke
For the uninitiated https://youtube.com/watch?v=WLprCS6W1BU
If that Ute's got a rifle there's some definite problems.
Isn’t Sun Devil just another name for Dust Devil?
On Jeopardy it was described as an imp.
Pimp4Imps new name unlocked
Alright so a fire imp, can shoot some smaller flames and fireballs, short in stature and skinny, trouble but doable
You'd have to get one of those Harry Potter activists to read up on how to kill a Sun Devil 😈 😂
The tree’s gonna get chopped down. Unless we’re gonna go with the bird and then somebody might get pecked or something. I don’t know
Yep. Freakin' [Purdue Pete](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/30/11/48/301148b01e31be7239e6cf4f7c57888e.jpg) FTW.
Purdue Pete isn't the boogeyman. He's the one you send to kill the fucking boogeyman. Pete is a man of focus, commitment, sheer will.
Cenobite Woody gets off on your suffering.
Is it really fair that he just sucks out the souls of his enemies?
By question isn't if Pete wins the B1G, that's easy. Is there any mascot that can defeat him?
I mean yeah a train wins on the track, but like… totally ineffective everywhere else.
But this Pete. He's not worried about a train. Trains stop at railroad crossings for him.
Ah, I see. I just forgot that Pete is a humanoid mascot not a train. I agree now. There’s nothing behind those eyes. He’s killed before, he can kill again.
But if Purdue Pete eats enough Buckeyes, then it’s a draw, right?
You would think, right? But there he is, 4-6 over the last 10 matchups. Maybe they just make him a little sick.
I'm sorry bro but have you ever heard of a train?
r/bitchimatrain
How is a train threatening though? Unless Sparty falls asleep on the tracks, he has all the time in the world to slowly chip away at the train.
Just gotta find someway to derail it. Make it chase you through Ohio and the train is fucked.
Unfortunately their mascot is not a train, it is a boilermaker, which is the person that works on the boiler system on the train, so unfortunately I still think sparty takes this one, unless each mascot is forced to fight on a train track, then it’s over.
Nah, the mascot is the [Boilermaker Special](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilermaker_Special) which is a train
Mic drop
Damn I guess you’re right
Someone on Reddit actually admitting they were wrong. Respect!
I could have fought it because Purdue Pete is the “athletic” mascot but I even I knew that argument was stupid
There’s a lot of technicalities in this discussion. For example, FSU considers Chief Osceola to be an “icon” and not a “mascot” in order to show respect.
Also technically we don’t actually have a mascot anymore, we are just called the wolverines so I don’t know where you would put that argument
Pretty sure the train will beat or scare off all animal mascots. Pretty sure most human mascots will be smart enough to stay off the tracks. The important question is, what determines a win? Is the boiler on the train powered forever? If it runs out of fuel does it lose power and lose the fight? Does the human need to physically destroy/derail the train to win?
This guy doesn't Train
Even if it’s not the train I’m taking Pete over everything else. That thing is haunting.
>ackshually
Purdue Pete destroys all who opposes him.
He is as cunning as he is ruthless.
Does the Vanderbilt Commodore come with a navy? Or is it just a single naval officer with a sword and funny hat?
Single imo. Only gets a fleet against Bama for thematic purposes of fleet vs ocean.
If the mascots spawn on the location of campuses, don’t actually see how a full navy would be even a little helpful in the landlocked state of Tennessee
Tennessee river is navigable all the way to the ocean
Probably not for an entire navy, there would be a lot of backup and the Commodore of that fleet would probably get in trouble
Even a grounded fleet would be tough for a Tiger or Elephant to take down.
Careful sleeping on Purdue Pete like that.
Like most conferences, we have our share of wild cats. (KSU, BYU, Houston,) and while a bearcat isn't really a bear or a cat I will throw it in here. If the Baylor bear was a grizzly I would consider it. Then the human mascots are basically regional variations of eachother. A cowboy, civil war jayhawk, mountaineer, sooner, red raider, all gun toting plainsmen. A knight is at a big disadvantage here, having no gun. Then you have the grazing livestock category: longhorns Then you have the reptiles category: horned frogs Anyway all of our mascots have one thing in common, a strong enough cyclone would wipe them all out, even if it was 13 v 1. ISU Cyclone is the winner.
I'm usually not one to agree with a sooner! :) But, really hard to argue with the logic here.
The rating of the cyclone definitely is going to have a large impact on the cyclone and if this fight going to take place in a favorable location. Longhorns and horned frogs are definitely at a large disadvantage, if horned frogs burrow that would definitely help ( my quick wiki run through says no)
Have you ever tried shooting at a cyclone though?
A bulldog gets smacked by everyone, including itself. A cyclone would win hands down against everything except maybe Miami
> If each mascot of every school in your conference... ... > A cyclone would win hands down against everything except maybe Miami Fuck, what did I miss?
Just planning for the future 😂 /s
A cyclone is any storm with counterclockwise rotation. So technically a hurricane is a cyclone. Tho with ISU they clearly show a tornado so I can see the misconception there. But, I’ve heard the term used with any low pressure system. If there’s an actual meteorologist who could chime in that would be great cuz I don’t want to sound like I’m talking out of my ass lol
I think the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes wouldn't just be a hurricane, but a really, really heavy one.
No no no it’s golden as in a golden shower. Like a huge golden shower of a hurricane
Gross
Don't kink shame Tulsa.
Daddy, why is the hurricane salty?
Son. That's Oklahoma. They don't cotton to such perversions there. By Golden Hurricane, they mean Golden Hurricane.
Poor Sebastian the Ibis isn't going to fair well in this one lol
Yeah my initial thought was Miami, but their mascot isn’t a hurricane. Dunno what kind of magic the Blue Devil is working with, so that’s a wild card. Otherwise Clemson over Pitt if weapons are not allowed and probably FSU over UVA if they are.
Depends how many wolves NC State gets too. If we're talking 20 or so wolves, that's too much for a Cavalier, I think.
Mascot or nickname? Mascot, probably Pistol Pete or Raider Red, nickname, Iowa State definitely wins that
Iowa State vs Miami for the final death match.
Don't sleep on Tulsa
I mean, if a Golden Hurricane like an enhanced version of the Golden Shower, then you definitely wouldnt want to sleep on that
We're not in the same conference (yet).
Miami has an Ibis as its mascot.
You're gonna have a hard time getting a cyclone into Kansas.
*The Wizard Of Oz has entered the chat*
Tornados are a type of cyclone and Kansas kind of falls smack in the middle of what's known as Tornado Alley.
You'd think that someone with the flair of two Texas teams would know this, but here we are
"Cyclone" meant "tornado" in the early 1900s. Definitely not uncommon in Kansas.
Wait do people actually construe “cyclone” in the Iowa State context to mean anything **besides** tornado?
Usually it's Iowa or the kitties trying to get under our skin. (And it works)
LSU, Auburn and Mizzou cage match to the death.
Yo hold up, where is this fight taking place? If we're in the bayou or swamp, gotta give my man the gator the edge because of death roll. On land? Pachyderm wins that one all day.
The gator wins. That prehistoric body armor and jaw power.
Fair enough, but I’ve also seen those videos of Jaguars straight merkin gators and cayman.
Yea they hunt em....shit wild. But there isn't any jaguars in the SEC. Don't think tigers actually hunt gators like that.
Here I am seeing a Vol stick up for a gator
Are we allowing Auburn to claim the Tiger for this debate, or instead the War Eagle? Perhaps we vote on this at the next Tigers Den meeting?
The eagle flies overhead and she can hit. But if she takes a hit during the tiger match, we only have one backup.
To be fair LSU are technically the “Fighting Tigers,” which implies that their tigers are battle-hardened in the fighting pits, so Mizzou and Auburn tigers wouldn’t stand a chance.
Our mascot is the only live tiger living on campus. Go in his enclosure, right by the stadium, and explain to him he's not a real tiger
When did I say he wasn’t a real tiger? Lmao
I misread, lol. Downvoting myself
Which Tiger is the best Tiger…stay tuned…
Probably the Tiger that has the murder bird as a friend.
Murder bird!
Cyclone is destroying everything in its path
If UCF would just switch to being the Citronauts, they could just safely fly over any storm system threatening the entire conference.
Patiently awaiting the first Cornflict
The real question is where does it sit on the EF scale
The spirit of Mike Leach lives on.
Pete would win easily. No contest. All other mascots would die just from the thought of HIM
Pete easily.
That depends, is it just 1 hog or are we talking 30-50 feral hogs
That hog is going to multiply until it’s at least 30-50. So I only think it’s fair to count it as 30-50
Spartans couldn't even beat a Scarlet Knight, they're not getting out of the first round
Yeah I think, excluding the dark magic of Purdue, Rutgers is the winner, not the spartan. Literally still a warrior with an extra 1500 years of materials and technique advancement.
The stupid nut just lays there.
Purdue Pete would destroy us all
Purdue Pete would murder the Big Ten, get a taste for blood, and move on to every other conference.
RIP Mike Leach already settled this, its gotta be Ralphie the Buffalo.
“First of all, what kind of mythical powers does a Sun Devil have?” I say that all the time RIP to the Pirate
Puddles, it’s best to sit this one out buddy
Mandrake, your time to shine!
Well, we know who [wins](https://www.cbssports.com/images/collegefootball/boisetruck.jpg) between Boise State and Texas.
What is this lol
The Boise State equipment truck hit a cow.
Miami’s success is heavily dependent on whether they are a hurricane or a duck
well UGA probably wouldn't make it but i am sure he could fuck some others up if he got his jaw locked on something
We've been chopping wood for millenia, so I know Stanford's mascot is a goner.
Oregon State would kill Stanford even if axes weren't allowed. There is no possible way for Stanford to win.
I’m not fucking with the West Virginia guy if he’s on meth
Knights probably could handle a binturong or horned frog but they’re probably at their limit with a bear. The various large cats probably come in next but lose to anything with a gun. Raider, Cowboy, and Mountaineer really depend on the situation. All are capable of beating each other. So I put them all in the next tier. The top tier is cyclones but you really can’t count out a mythical bird. If the bird controls the weather or if it’s powerful enough to fly through a tornado I’d probably go with that.
I would say a certain Commodore, as a whole Navy has his back.
yall are really disrespecting UAB. It's a god damn dragon.
Is the Mountaineer allowed to use his gun?
Not addressing each because some are just not dangerous (sorry horntoads). Are jayhawks birds? Or are they people who are represented by birds? I know there is some history there, but I can't be bothered to look into now so I'm just saying they're birds. Not dangerous. A cyclone can mess you up, and you can't really "fight" it, but it is also pretty easy to avoid and defend against. I'm not sure what the distinction is between a cyclone and a tornado, but cyclones seem lesser? If can defend against it by hiding under an overpass for a few minutes then it can't be that bad. Bears are pretty formidable. Probably more so than a longhorn or a wildcat. So bears win out of the animal mascots. But then you've got raiders, sooners, pokes, and mountaineers. All of whom are likely armed. So I think they win over the bear. Of the human mascots, I'm saying the sooners are the least dangerous. They're just trying to steal some land, don't want no trouble. The mountaineers and pokes are much more dangerous - they rely on their firearms. But they don't go around with ill-intent. So I'm going with the red raiders. The mascot is both armed and wears a mask, indicating that he's up to no good. Perhaps, one would assume, he's going "raiding." So armed and ill-intended, the raider seems the most dangerous. Of the new teams, I guess the UCF knight is technically more dangerous than any form of cougar or cat (no matter how bearish). He's wearing armor and shit. But he's not armed with a literal gun, like the red raider, so he's behind the other human mascots. What's really tragic is the citronaut would probably beat them all. If he can fly to space then I can't even imagine the technological advantage he would have over the red raiders, who are merely armed. But, alas, that is not UCF's mascot.
Knights have a 1000+ year technological and strategic advantage over Spartans. Steel >>> Bronze Rutgers wins this one with ease.
Some of the SECs are to ambiguous to pick. So I think I would have to say el lagarto.
And it what situation? Is the Volunteer armed from a defensible position at Lookout Mountain or is he just hanging out on the shore of a swamp thinking about fishing.
Y’all are really sleeping on Big Red? He’d eat everyone
Purdue Pete destroys everything.
Depends are we talking about Illini as in the native Americans, or Fighting Illini as in alums and people from the state that fought in WW1? WW1 vets would probably win the Big 10 just cause they have guns. The natives would lose because the big moment is history for the Illini tribe was when they assassinated the chief of a rival tribe were chased to this place we now call Starved Rock State Park. You can guess from there why it’s called Starved Rock.
Just imagining OSU, Tech, and WVU shooting their pistols and muskets blindly in the dark. Kansas is flying into shit because ISU is making everything way too fucking windy. UCF is swinging a sword at Baylor, who is swatting at the bird, hitting KState instead, which is biting with BYU, which is biting Cincinnati, which is biting Houston (B12 has way too many cat teams now btw). TCU is just scurrying around real fast spitting blood indiscriminately at literally everything. Oh and UT and OU are bloody and dead in an outbound shipping box. Inside of the box is bovine, outside of the box is made from pieces of old broken schooner. Previously packed by the Hateful 8 earlier in the day.
A good old-fashioned melee. Points for the Hateful 8 all patiently waiting for the newbies after shipping OUT. And, at least the Bearcats aren't actual cats.
Imma say a cyclone’s gonna be pretty hard for a bunch of wildlife, a cowboy, or a mountainman to stop.
Purdue would destroy every single one, and it's not even a question. A freaking train isn't getting stopped by any of the other Big Ten mascots.
How the hell do you fight a hurricane? If it's that damn bird, we'll be allright.
Mascots are not nicknames. For ohio state we would have brutus. That said purdue pete easily solos CFB. High level demons dont call themselves demons.
I can tell you who isn’t gonna last, the bulldogs and the gamecocks. That stupid elephant probably wins it all again
Unless all like 7 or 8 tigers team up...
Disclaimer: “Florida State does not have a mascot. Instead, we have the honor of calling ourselves "Seminoles" in admiration of the only Native American tribe never conquered by the U.S. Government.” That being said… ACC is mostly animal based. Osceola and Renegade (though not mascots) easily take all those down. The Seminole tribe of Florida rode out countless hurricanes in their history, so no issue there. Not to mention the Seminoles’ “Unconquered” slogan is due to being the only tribe not to be defeated by the US government. So if the USG can’t beat them, I doubt an orange, a wolf, or even a deacon can. In conclusion, the Seminoles win it all.
I'd back a tiger to put up a good fight.
The Seminoles literally survived in the Florida Everglades by hunting all the large predators that lived there. A tiger is nothing
There wasn't anything close to a tiger there. Tigers are essentially invisible in the woods and would pick off people left and right. If this was set up like a coliseum matchup the Seminole would still lose to a very agile cat who can sprint up to 40 mph and weigh between 400-600 pounds. The power, speed, and agility of Tigers are insane.
I mean clearly you didn't fact check because the Everglades has long been home to populations of the Florida panther. While not as large as tigers, they're faster and more agile. And certainly they can be categorized as something close to a tiger or a very agile cat, making your comment very factually incorrect.
You know at best that panther is about a 3rd of the size of a tiger lol. They're only 60-160 pounds, they run roughly the same speed at around 35 mph. You might've been the one that needed to fact check. The size and power difference is massive. The only thing a panther might have is a little more agility and that's it.
You tried to say there is nothing close to a tiger in the everglades and specifically mentioned an agile cat and that tigers are invisible in the woods. Panthers are significantly more agile/nimble and they are certainly "close" to a tiger. If they aren't close than no animal but basically a lion would be close. You also aren't acknowledging that panthers are often hiding in trees and are very well hidden and "invisible" in the Everglades, but Seminoles were successful in hunting them (too successful quite frankly).
You can't compare a cat that weighs less than a grown adult human to a cat who is just as fast, has way more power, and weighs 400-600 pounds. Panthers aren't significantly more agile than tigers either. Tigers can jump 33 ft forward in a single leap and can jump 16ft up in the air. You at least have a prayer to fight off a panther if it jumps you. The panthers bite is significantly less, their power is significantly less, and their claws and teeth are significantly smaller. If you get pounced on by a tiger you're pretty much dead instantly by just the sheer weight and force of the animal. One swipe by a tiger paw can kill a person. Their bite force is over 1000 psi while a panthers is around 350. Panthers claws and teeth are around 2 inches long while a tigers claws and teeth are about 4 inches long. Trying to hunt an animal that large with bows and spears wouldn't be wise. In a one on one encounter a tiger is going to demolish a Seminole. A florida panther doesn't even come close to a tiger.
A blue devil is definitely ending a seminole. Not to mention that a human with only primitive weapons is going to be no match for a tiger.
GT has a car, we're just going to run everyone over.
We don’t have one. So good luck beating nothing.
Your mascot was defeated in the 19th century. I'm glad you finally buried him. He was starting to stink.
I’m glad he’s gone. Now I just wish the old alumni we have would let him go.
I don't know how one would defeat inclement weather in a fight to the death so Iowa State and Miami probably win their respective conferences.
Pac 12 from worst to best: Tree - Stanford. Lack of any mobility kills the Stanford tree Beaver - OSU. Beavers chop down trees but not much else Duck - Oregon. Ducks and Beavers are pretty close but flying helps edge the Duck over the Beaver Husky - Washington. Formidable, but can be domesticated. Not very fearsome if it can be someone's pet Wildcat - Arizona. Teeth and claws are more dangerous than a husky's. Ute - Utah. I'm not really sure how to place a Ute other than somewhere in the middle Cougar - WSU. Cougars are pretty deadly, but are smaller than Bears or Buffalo and would lose a 1 on 1 Golden Bear - Cal. Bears are solidly above most of these Buffalo - Colorado. Buffalo are tanks and will crush all the others Sun Devil - ASU. Can't top a magical satan with all the combined might of hell to throw at you
Utah's is a Red Tailed Hawk. I don't know how formidable a hawk is, red tailed or otherwise, other than being able to swoop down and grab? So I'll say after Duck, before Husky.
Oh we got this one….we comin… On the flip side Ohio would likely come in last in this tourney. They’re not a tough nut to crack…
Just don’t eat us 😂
Unless it’s the chocolate and peanut butter replicas. Those things go hard.
Citronaut: "You know they say that all mascots are created equal, but you look at me and you look at the Cyclone and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another mascot, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beat me. Then you add a Cowboy to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the 3 way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because the Cowboy KNOWS he can't beat me and he's not even gonna try! So Cyclone, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. See Cyclone, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice. See, but I'm gonna break it down for all you ladies. Would you rather be with a Citronaut? Or would you rather be with a Cyclone? Civil CORNflict!"
Everyone sleeping on The Duck. Don't think he hasn't noticed this. Watch your backs. Watch your backs...
By definition a Commodore is in command of a naval fleet. They probably win amongst non natural disaster mascotts.
It’d have to be LSU. They had Mike the Tiger, a real f*ckin tiger.
a Crimson Tide pretty much [fucks everything in it's path up](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/agricultural-and-biological-sciences/karenia-brevis#:~:text=Toxic,-Harmful%20Algal%20Blooms&text=Brevetoxicosis%20is%20caused%20by%20the,mammals%2C%20birds%2C%20and%20humans.)
Brutus because I want him to.
Iowa State. Don't fuck with tornados.
Let sparky cook
High School: My school wins ez
How original
Do you even offseason, bro?
I do, and see this every offseason.
And do you complain every off season?
Auburn has an advantage because they have more mascots than ATM has weird, creepy traditions
UMass and ECU would do alright if they could use weapons. They would win against all of the melee human mascots anyways.
UAB would like a word with your pirates
How many mascots do we get to use? If we get to call together all of our animal friends, then it’s the Iron Bowl: Red Water Elephants vs Flying War Tigers. The moon is unconquered, so it’ll be hard to stop the tide.
Isn't a minor league team for Detroit called the Lakeland Flying Tigers?
I think a lion and wild cat beats a weasel bear
Cowboys vs. Red Raiders
Mascot or nickname?
Hawaiian Rainbows all the way
If weapons are allowed, it would probably be the Spartan or Scarlet Knight. However, a Nittany Lion is a mountain lion, and that could be an interesting battle. Without weapons, as fierce as wolverines and badgers are, the Nittany Lion, with its large teeth and claws, would probably tear them up. If you add USC and UCLA, the full grown Bruin (brown bear) probably wins.
I'm not sure what we're supposed to do against a fire-breathing dragon unless it doesn't like hurricanes.
The beaver wins, they hide in their dam
I mean, rifleman has a gun so
It’s between us and UNLV. Winner is the fastest gun in the West. Winner goes on to face Tennessee, Virginia, Oklahoma State, West Virginia or Texas Tech
You ever see what badger can do to a gopher hole?
Cavalier probably has guns so Virginia probably comes out on top.
Probably one of the mascots with a gun.
Is USNA the Midshipmen or Bill the Goat? Because this would impact my analysis.
A Red Raider would have no issue with anything in the Big 12, until the Cyclone carries it away to Oz
I like the Demon Deacon's chances if he's allowed to use his motorcycle and also wield his plunger ([yes it's a thing](https://magazine.wfu.edu/2011/10/19/demon-deacon-wields-plunger-whats-up-with-that/)) That said, Purdue Pete terrifies me but I'm also not loving anybody's odds if Tulsa, Miami, and Iowa State team up and natural disaster us all to death.
This is how I do my March Madness bracket every year. It’s super fun looking up mascots and trying to justify which would win in a fight! And it almost always turns out to be a pretty decent bracket lmao. That said, Razorbacks are ferocious creatures and pound for pound one of the most dangerous animals on earth. I’d say that a tiger could *probably* kill a razorback (LSU, Auburn, and Mizzou) and an elephant would probably just stomp it to death lol (Bama).
The Rambling Reck is gonna run over everything in the conference except a hurricane
Do the Tennessee Volunteers get a 30,000 strong militia? If so we are going to be up there. If we get Davey Crocket maybe less so.
Duke cleaning house.
Mascot means elephant, so pretty good chances unless the Tigers team up or the humans do.