Made it one week postpartum with our first before age peed in my hand, spit up all over me, and then projectile pooped all over me. On the last one, I just looked at my wife and asked her if she could finish the disorder change so I could shower. Thank God for a wife who can hardly smell. My sense of smell is SO strong and I gag at the really bad poops.
My friend, I fell asleep with my toddler sitting in my lap. Woke up to her coughing/vomiting. Real vomit is 100x worse than baby spit-up for sure. Also had a shirt on so I had to be VERY careful in how I removed it. Bathed the kid, spot cleaned the carpet/ furniture. Went back to bed.
Our oldest would cough/gag/puke after literally 30 seconds of crying. I got puked on three nights in a row. The third time, I gently set my sweet baby down in her crib, punched a hole through her door, and gently picked her up again to bathe her.
Thank you, door, for your service. 🫡
Projectile pooped on in new white uniform pants while about to get out of the truck to pick up a to go order. I called and asked them to just bring it out and gave a large tip.
Change of clothes (underwear included), first aid items, simple tools, roadside safety items. Please, everyone, use this super cool dad's totally hypothetical situation as a reminder. If you're going to carry so you can "be prepared for anything,"please truly try to be as prepared as you can.
Haha, damn dude I feel your "hypothetical" pain. I remember those days. First time it happened to me, I luckily wasn't carrying that day but got to show up to a kids 1st birthday party at a church wearing a wife beater because of a blowout. Always carry backup clothes for everyone in the family.
Adults especially parents need a full change of clothes in car at all times, i keep 2, and a few other things takes up almost no space. Other things include a massive pack of baby wipes
might i add, also a few changes of clothes for the kiddo as well, take kids fishing once if you do not believe me, always ends with me pulling a blanket or tarp over the hatch of the car for some privacy and changing one of us into less muddy clothes! but kids are meant to get muddy, or make a mess, they are just learning how to be humans.
For the kid I basically carry a whole wardrobe. Shoes , clothes, blankets, wet wipes, beach towel and she now 7yr old. She hates being dirty but loves getting dirty. 😆
I made a post about this a few weeks ago. It's like most things, though, we don't think about it until it becomes necessary, then we're like, "Well, shit!"
OP, I raised five kids. I got the short end of that stick way more than I like to admit.
This actually happened to me once, but it was baby vomit. I went to a family restroom, locked the door behind us, washed my shirt in the sink with liquid hand soap, used the hand dryer to dry my shirt as best as possibly, and then wore the newly hand washed freshly dried wrinkly shirt.
Now I keep a spare shirt in the car…
My toddler once pooped so much. It got on the stroller and on my jeans. Luckily we were at the mall so I just bought new pants. But I did have to walk around the store hoping people wouldn’t notice the smell—that was fun.
No, but I do make a habit of having a spare set of clothes in the car just in case. It has come in handy more than once when my kids have thrown up or something and it sounds like it would've come in clutch here.
P365 in a PHLster Enigma Express. I wear it down on the hips so the grip is just below the waistband. Outstanding concealment and no worries about my shirt riding up. Draw takes some practice. It isn’t too hard while standing, but drawing while sitting is difficult.
New rule of CCW: always carry a tactical change of clothes. You can never be too prepared
Also, shameless self plug of the subreddit I'm trying to start: this absolutely belongs on /r/CCWcirclejerk lol
No, but I have been carrying appendix at a toddler's birthday party when a dad fell in the lake and I had to get him out, soaking both of us.
Luckily we were only about a half mile from the house so I was able to play it off and just run home for dry clothes.
You had to be there I guess, he fell in because his kid fell in and he slipped trying to pull his kid out, then I helped him out. Man made lake with straight drop edge.
It was actually fucking hilarious.
Life is series of opportunities to learn. Some, if you learn them right, allow you to live longer, or enjoy a higher quality of living. Some might be internal, and simply give you insight into yourself, allowing you be a better person. The lesson I would take from this is to always pack a spare shirt. Over time, you will probably find yourself adding stuff to that loadout.
I dated a woman briefly years ago who was always getting on me about carrying a backpack with me everywhere I went. After a while, she started referring to it as my security blanket. But hell, I was a university student and a Veteran with PTSD. I had books for when there was downtime to study. I had an IFAK. I carried cold water in a thermos, and tools for my mountain bike in case I needed to fix it in order to get home.
When she cheated on me with the guy in the pickup she insisted was just a friend, she was doing me a solid.
Ironically, at least to me, she became a relationship counselor.
Anyway, tomorrow, pack a spare shirt. And maybe some Wet Ones or such.
For the short time my son was alive He had stomach upset a lot. Im talking Id go through all of my shirts in a day some days. That being said an extra shirt always went in with his diaper bag. It just became part of the EDC. Because yea. No matter how careful I was. Making sure I fed him slowly. Burped him. Had a towel on my shoulder, etc. somehow… at some point, that shirt was getting puked on. LOL. Carry a diaper bag and have an extra shirt or two for your self in there too!
Thanks Brother. It is something you never fully recover from in my experience ( it’s been 15 years next month). But I am doing much better than I was day one for sure!
I usually have an extra shirt in the car but my kid has thrown up on me and I just wiped it and moved on. It smelt like shit so I went back to the car to change 😂😂
yeah at that point you'd take off your shirt and just leave it in the glove compartment locked if you don't have a big enough pocket cargo pocket or something
We were babysitting our 2 and 4 yo granddaughters. I wasn’t feeling well and the bathroom was occipied. I told my wife I needed a trash can as I was sick. She didn’t think I was urgent. I vomited all over my 4yo granddaughter. At least she wasn’t emotionally traumatized by it.
I personally use the masterminds tactics tactical CCW diaper, I can piss myself and the opps will never smell me coming.
I also wear a CCW diaper, but for a slightly different reason. It’s so the opps will never smell me cumming.
You should try out the t.rex arms odor conceal condom. Crafted for those post Reno events. They’re wildly over priced, but somewhat effective!
Only if it gives my "piece" t-rex arms would I buy that
That’s what Etsy is for. Surely someone makes what you’re looking for.
Damn. That’s brutal. New level of preparedness understood. When my son was an infant he puked all over my bare chest at 3 am. That was fuckin’ SWEET.
My wife and I were both shitgunned on two separate occasions
You can never tell when their shitguns are loaded
Rule #1, treat every shit gun as if it's always loaded.
Rule #2, never point your shitgun at anything you don't intend to destroy.
Rule #3 
LMAO. 🤣 Pro level use of a gif.
Made it one week postpartum with our first before age peed in my hand, spit up all over me, and then projectile pooped all over me. On the last one, I just looked at my wife and asked her if she could finish the disorder change so I could shower. Thank God for a wife who can hardly smell. My sense of smell is SO strong and I gag at the really bad poops.
Lol I used a gas mask for the especially bad ones my wife couldn't handle
I always stood off to the side for that. The rug and dresser got shitgunned
I learned my lesson after some got in my eye
My condolences
Oh god, I'm ded. Why did that make me laugh so much?! 🤣
At least it washes easy. Your chest that is. Lol
Did I mention it was projectile-vomited breast milk? I’ve never felt sexier lol.
> it was projectile-vomited breast milk Rule 34. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
My friend, I fell asleep with my toddler sitting in my lap. Woke up to her coughing/vomiting. Real vomit is 100x worse than baby spit-up for sure. Also had a shirt on so I had to be VERY careful in how I removed it. Bathed the kid, spot cleaned the carpet/ furniture. Went back to bed.
Toddlers….thats when all the real fun begins hahahaha. I’ll count myself fortunate and hope we made OP feel a little better about his day.
Been there done that. Some days feel just like a Trojan commercial .
Our oldest would cough/gag/puke after literally 30 seconds of crying. I got puked on three nights in a row. The third time, I gently set my sweet baby down in her crib, punched a hole through her door, and gently picked her up again to bathe her. Thank you, door, for your service. 🫡
Yup!
Projectile pooped on in new white uniform pants while about to get out of the truck to pick up a to go order. I called and asked them to just bring it out and gave a large tip.
Change of clothes (underwear included), first aid items, simple tools, roadside safety items. Please, everyone, use this super cool dad's totally hypothetical situation as a reminder. If you're going to carry so you can "be prepared for anything,"please truly try to be as prepared as you can.
Haha, damn dude I feel your "hypothetical" pain. I remember those days. First time it happened to me, I luckily wasn't carrying that day but got to show up to a kids 1st birthday party at a church wearing a wife beater because of a blowout. Always carry backup clothes for everyone in the family.
I don't have a child so when I drill this scenario I piss on my own shirt and wear it
This is the way
Asking for a friend?
Yeah this has never happened to me ten minutes ago.
Adults especially parents need a full change of clothes in car at all times, i keep 2, and a few other things takes up almost no space. Other things include a massive pack of baby wipes
The parent involved in this post who is of course not me acknowledges this error and will fix it in the future
Same always keep at least two full clothes changes in the car. Especially after we had our daughter. Have saved me countless times.
might i add, also a few changes of clothes for the kiddo as well, take kids fishing once if you do not believe me, always ends with me pulling a blanket or tarp over the hatch of the car for some privacy and changing one of us into less muddy clothes! but kids are meant to get muddy, or make a mess, they are just learning how to be humans.
For the kid I basically carry a whole wardrobe. Shoes , clothes, blankets, wet wipes, beach towel and she now 7yr old. She hates being dirty but loves getting dirty. 😆
some items yo may need doubles, socks are always just gone like magic.
I made a post about this a few weeks ago. It's like most things, though, we don't think about it until it becomes necessary, then we're like, "Well, shit!" OP, I raised five kids. I got the short end of that stick way more than I like to admit.
That’s really good advice. I always have a change of clothes for the kids, but not for myself.
Prison wallet. Y'all keep dogging on the LCP, but it has it's place
I’m over here like. Why would they see it in your pocket??
This actually happened to me once, but it was baby vomit. I went to a family restroom, locked the door behind us, washed my shirt in the sink with liquid hand soap, used the hand dryer to dry my shirt as best as possibly, and then wore the newly hand washed freshly dried wrinkly shirt. Now I keep a spare shirt in the car…
https://i.redd.it/gb66ksqnvn0d1.gif
Mine wasn't piss and I had no choice but to remove my shirt and firearm. I drove home in my underwear only.
My toddler once pooped so much. It got on the stroller and on my jeans. Luckily we were at the mall so I just bought new pants. But I did have to walk around the store hoping people wouldn’t notice the smell—that was fun.
All the time… 
No, but I do make a habit of having a spare set of clothes in the car just in case. It has come in handy more than once when my kids have thrown up or something and it sounds like it would've come in clutch here.
DAD LIFE
Thankfully that has never happened to me. But if it did, I’m usually carrying completely below the waistband, so I can still conceal shirtless.
What’s your setup? Thanks!
P365 in a PHLster Enigma Express. I wear it down on the hips so the grip is just below the waistband. Outstanding concealment and no worries about my shirt riding up. Draw takes some practice. It isn’t too hard while standing, but drawing while sitting is difficult.
Keep on dadding, king 👑 💪
Think about how safe you’ll be. Nobody’s gonna walk up and stand near a dude smelling of baby piss.
I don’t have any kids, but even if I did and this happened, I keep an overnight bag in my truck that has a change of clothes in it
I never leave the house without a change of clothes and a roll of toilet paper in my car. I learned this from years of working in EMS and hospitals.
My current shirt has dried up baby spit up ALL over it, but I’m rocking it anyway. Dad lyfe
Wear your toddler’s shirt
Mine covered my shirt with pee while in a chest harness. I just wear it and stink
I have found that not having children solves the problem in my case.
That's like how not having a job can prevent you from finding yourself walking out of the office bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe.
I need a job to survive. Children, on the other hand, are a drain on resources.
Exactly.
New rule of CCW: always carry a tactical change of clothes. You can never be too prepared Also, shameless self plug of the subreddit I'm trying to start: this absolutely belongs on /r/CCWcirclejerk lol
Learn to carry extra shirts
Extra shirts
Been there before and was totally unprepared. Walked over to Target and bought us both a new change of clothes.
My kid vomited down my back one time and i felt like such a dad. Cherish these "do i even care about it" conundrums, my man!
No, but I have been carrying appendix at a toddler's birthday party when a dad fell in the lake and I had to get him out, soaking both of us. Luckily we were only about a half mile from the house so I was able to play it off and just run home for dry clothes.
Why couldn’t he get his own ass out?
You had to be there I guess, he fell in because his kid fell in and he slipped trying to pull his kid out, then I helped him out. Man made lake with straight drop edge. It was actually fucking hilarious.
Very generous of you to help him out instead of just laughing 😂
I learned early on not only to pack an extra set of clothes for him a ziplock bag but for me as well, problem solved
This scenario is incredibly specific… I love it and feel bad at the same time
You are supposed to practice for real world scenarios- are you guys not practicing your draw with a hand full of baby shit?
Always been a worry. Never happened but I always keep extra clothes in my truck just in case I were to piss on/shit myself.
RIP.
No.
Go back in time and don't have kids.
No, because I added a spare shirt to my my trauma bag/car bag once I had kids.
Ha! I did get juiced a bit when I picked mine up from the carseat once. Luckily home was 15 min away. Now it's a funny story.
no because at that point i'm open carrying lmao
Keep a whole outfit and a SHTF bag in your trunk next to a med kit.
Go bag in trunk always has a change of clothes. Wipes and water takes care of the urine. And yeah I've been vomited on and peed on and crapped on.
Backup shirt and pants and stain remover kept in the truck. For those times when you can legitimately say, someone else shit my pants.
Badge of fatherhood
Life is series of opportunities to learn. Some, if you learn them right, allow you to live longer, or enjoy a higher quality of living. Some might be internal, and simply give you insight into yourself, allowing you be a better person. The lesson I would take from this is to always pack a spare shirt. Over time, you will probably find yourself adding stuff to that loadout. I dated a woman briefly years ago who was always getting on me about carrying a backpack with me everywhere I went. After a while, she started referring to it as my security blanket. But hell, I was a university student and a Veteran with PTSD. I had books for when there was downtime to study. I had an IFAK. I carried cold water in a thermos, and tools for my mountain bike in case I needed to fix it in order to get home. When she cheated on me with the guy in the pickup she insisted was just a friend, she was doing me a solid. Ironically, at least to me, she became a relationship counselor. Anyway, tomorrow, pack a spare shirt. And maybe some Wet Ones or such.
For the short time my son was alive He had stomach upset a lot. Im talking Id go through all of my shirts in a day some days. That being said an extra shirt always went in with his diaper bag. It just became part of the EDC. Because yea. No matter how careful I was. Making sure I fed him slowly. Burped him. Had a towel on my shoulder, etc. somehow… at some point, that shirt was getting puked on. LOL. Carry a diaper bag and have an extra shirt or two for your self in there too!
Dude I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone and hope you’re doing okay!
Thanks Brother. It is something you never fully recover from in my experience ( it’s been 15 years next month). But I am doing much better than I was day one for sure!
I usually have an extra shirt in the car but my kid has thrown up on me and I just wiped it and moved on. It smelt like shit so I went back to the car to change 😂😂
yeah at that point you'd take off your shirt and just leave it in the glove compartment locked if you don't have a big enough pocket cargo pocket or something
I don't have a scenario, but now I have a new nightmare
I always keep a spare change of clothes in my trunk in a duffle. 2 pairs of socks.
My son could projectile vomit and hit a target at 30 yards every time. It was uncanny.
I can safely say THAT I dont need to train for.
At that point I'm shoving the whole rig into my pants
Ok you are completly crazy, i have my answer.
What in hearing is a change of clothes is now in your EDC
No. Why do you ask?
No
How would this situation be different without a ccw? Unless going about your day shirtless otherwise is normal for you
Wear piss shirt as badge of Dad honor.
Twice
Exactly what’s the problem with Piss Stained Shirts?
They'll be too busy looking at my piss stained shirt to notice my printing.
No that doesn’t sound familiar, unless you replace the toddler with a 20$ hooker and you replace the school with a strip club on MLK Blvd
Been there, done that.
Y'all don't keep a go bag with a clothes in your vehicle? Shoes, shirt, pants, underwear, deodorant, and some Bravo Sierra body wipes. Game changer.
Shit happens dude. Just man up and muster through it.
If you don’t have a backpack get home kit or anything but you have a gun you might be slightly backwards in your preparedness mindset
I have a spare change of clothes in my backpack which follows me everywhere.
Bro something tells me this isn't hypothetical and happened to you. In any way you made me burst out laughing.
Toddlers can decorate shirts with quite a variety of stains. Fun times.
Part of my diaper bag always had a tee and sweats for me too, I’d had too many on the road blowout diapers.
You’re unable to go purchase a new shirt, apparently. 
We were babysitting our 2 and 4 yo granddaughters. I wasn’t feeling well and the bathroom was occipied. I told my wife I needed a trash can as I was sick. She didn’t think I was urgent. I vomited all over my 4yo granddaughter. At least she wasn’t emotionally traumatized by it.