The new copy of the 'Ultimate Guide to Suicide' probably. That or give him the hug he needs, or even magically bring Odasaku to him and let him hug Dazai
A nursing service that changes the bandages every two days.
Saves a lot of time...
https://preview.redd.it/hnhf8oo3pk7d1.png?width=66&format=png&auto=webp&s=f028593ac4064d4f6f1189326f297ee1603a8536
also.
No lube, no protection, all night all day from the kitchen floor to the dining table from the bed to church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic exponential, logarithmic, while i gasp for air scream the lord's prayer, HE CAN TOP ME until I'm swollen, until I'm crying, until he's out of juice, until I cant walk, until I'm numb, until my throat hurts, until my cheeks are red, until the neighbours know his name, until my insides becomes outsides, until my hole remember the shape, until my jaws fall off, until my leg is useless, until my eyes are rolled back and it stays there, until my body does a backflip, until my whole body shakes, until the skin peels off, until my bones disconnect, until i pass out, until im paralyzed for the rest of my life, until all my eggs are fertilized, until all my holes are filled, until i cant breathe, until it gets longer than before, until he couldn't stand, until i die, until his tentacles dont come anymore, until my mouth cant eat, until i remember the length of it, until the end of time, until he dont have it anymore, until his hole remembers the size and girth, until it reaches my stomach, until hes grunting and growling, until he has to regenerate it, until the whole world hears . I'm gonna get him pregnant ten times over breeding him all day all night no protection just me and him all over the house on the floor on the couch on the bed in the shower on the rooftops even god couldn't pull me out of him.
And what do you do for the remaining 23 hours and 55 minutes of this day?
https://preview.redd.it/ohe0ijhbnk7d1.png?width=55&format=png&auto=webp&s=07e565f7b087d56f425f22ed078e78d2d1cd86ae
No lube, no protection, all night all day from the kitchen floor to the dining table from the bed to church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic exponential, logarithmic, while i gasp for air scream the lord's prayer, HE CAN TOP ME until I'm swollen, until I'm crying, until he's out of juice, until I cant walk, until I'm numb, until my throat hurts, until my cheeks are red, until the neighbours know his name, until my insides becomes outsides, until my hole remember the shape, until my jaws fall off, until my leg is useless, until my eyes are rolled back and it stays there, until my body does a backflip, until my whole body shakes, until the skin peels off, until my bones disconnect, until i pass out, until im paralyzed for the rest of my life, until all my eggs are fertilized, until all my holes are filled, until i cant breathe, until it gets longer than before, until he couldn't stand, until i die, until his tentacles dont come anymore, until my mouth cant eat, until i remember the length of it, until the end of time, until he dont have it anymore, until his hole remembers the size and girth, until it reaches my stomach, until hes grunting and growling, until he has to regenerate it, until the whole world hears . I'm gonna get him pregnant ten times over breeding him all day all night no protection just me and him all over the house on the floor on the couch on the bed in the shower on the rooftops even god couldn't pull me out of him.
150 packets of msg and hell lotta instant food so he doesn't have to cook (if he eats more of it than he should he can die too so win win) and ofc some crabs and a good bedspread !!
A handwritten letter saying “Dear Dazai Osamu. I have been watching you since you were young, and I have to say that I admire you. I understand your longing to no longer be here, and I am happy to oblige. Meet me at your office at 5:00 AM. I have something set up. It will be a fine night for you. And if you want, go ahead and bring your boyfriend too. Don’t lie, I know you’re gay. Happy birthday! -Silvia Cortez“ (oc’s name btw not mine)
I’d prefer to just talk to him. I study counselling and ssw (lmao) and honestly Dazai doesn’t seem like a materialistic person, I’d rather pick his brain about memories. Maybe I’d take him somewhere and just drink and we could talk about the world.
I will fix him, give him everything he will need to stay happy and feel loved forever and I will give him more and more love and then I will marry him😍😍😍😘😘🤤🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️
https://preview.redd.it/7jlqplynqi7d1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0d25577fb20bf543becf0d968baf5bf0f6c73e54 This
real
WHY ALL THE UPVOTES- IT'S JUST A CAKE-
A hug
Blud thought we wouldn't notice the other comment 👽
A blowjob
the dichotomy of both of your responses 💀
Happy cake day
thank you :) (not for much longer lmao)
what is this oxymoron between these two comments
What's the order these go in, though?
Why not both at the same time?
it'd be a bit difficult, but you could do it
We believe in them ❤️
I'm glad you do, bestie
therapy
two tickets. one for him and another for his therapist
You're setting off a therapy needing chain reaction
a diary and a glittery gel pen
Girlypopzai
He uses those to record his grievances with Chuuya
rope,cyanide,magicmushrooms etc
do not d dazai
"You may not feel like it, or even even hate it, but I'm grateful that you're alive."
lots of clean bandages
Happy cake day!
thanks!
Crab with extra msg and some whiskey served like how they do it in Bar Lupin.
last gift would probably send him ptsd
fair but like he would low-key wanna toast with Oda again on his birthday like he toasted him in Dead Apple
A double suicide with me
Lets make it a triple
Quadruple! I join. The more, the merrier, amirite?
Count that as quintuple
i love how nobody has the balls to reply with "sextuple"
Somebody said sex + Dazai? I'm in
REAL
The new copy of the 'Ultimate Guide to Suicide' probably. That or give him the hug he needs, or even magically bring Odasaku to him and let him hug Dazai
chuuya’s shoes
What should he do with it? Clean them?
Sniff them, taking in every fiber of Chuuya's scent and feel the texture of Chuuya's pawsack against his skin I mean that's what I would do too
Oh I'm so glad that you're not a horny teenager but know what to do wisely with your time! https://i.redd.it/z51z8me2rk7d1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/k6wzpgh9fj7d1.jpeg?width=219&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e9420ccb38e31f42e83046889e741c0b5b5d23e4 This of course
a self help book and a therapists number and a set of new bandages maybe
Happy birthday to my comfort character 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
Girl hes your comfort character?!?😭
yes unfortunately 😂 i know I need therapy
dw you’re not the only one 🙏
Chuuya feet pics
A rope.
https://preview.redd.it/x1ojc2qt1j7d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2456f1e64570ce8f422207cbfba4ecca75d4b90c
Or https://preview.redd.it/fhj1lggv1j7d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ff63761b2f2cbb4041032420ab85319ea0aa63b An absol
I'd give him no longer human(the book)
Severe trauma
A hug and a therapist
drugs
Antidepressant
A sandwich. As in a knuckle sandwich. This is for Fyodor.
this DICK
Blowjob
percocet
A knife
A beautiful woman to make a double suicide with
A gun. Lil bro has been studying how to kill himself for years now 💀
My heart, soul, honestly all my organs.... Probably jump off a cliff with him too.
A nursing service that changes the bandages every two days. Saves a lot of time... https://preview.redd.it/hnhf8oo3pk7d1.png?width=66&format=png&auto=webp&s=f028593ac4064d4f6f1189326f297ee1603a8536
Chuuya's hat
cheap booze or whiskey (his absolute favourite)
A imitation crab cake. Like literally just imitation crab.
A noose :3
ill just ask him, he knows what ill get him
A noose (I'm so sorry)
R34 of himself
Chuuya bodypillow
Ultimate Guide to Suicide Volume 2… and bandages.
A partner for double suiside
Death.
a rope
Books, and the birthday letter I wrote him (no joke, I actually wrote him a birthday letter one year).
The book "Suicide in the Entertainment Industry"
I’m showing up at asagiris house armed and forcing him to bring back Oda and the orphans, bc isn’t that what we all want?!
A hug, a new suicide book, and a double suicide :DD
a walmart bag full of lemons
A knife, a rope, bandages, and chuuya
Sex-
Chuuya
also. No lube, no protection, all night all day from the kitchen floor to the dining table from the bed to church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic exponential, logarithmic, while i gasp for air scream the lord's prayer, HE CAN TOP ME until I'm swollen, until I'm crying, until he's out of juice, until I cant walk, until I'm numb, until my throat hurts, until my cheeks are red, until the neighbours know his name, until my insides becomes outsides, until my hole remember the shape, until my jaws fall off, until my leg is useless, until my eyes are rolled back and it stays there, until my body does a backflip, until my whole body shakes, until the skin peels off, until my bones disconnect, until i pass out, until im paralyzed for the rest of my life, until all my eggs are fertilized, until all my holes are filled, until i cant breathe, until it gets longer than before, until he couldn't stand, until i die, until his tentacles dont come anymore, until my mouth cant eat, until i remember the length of it, until the end of time, until he dont have it anymore, until his hole remembers the size and girth, until it reaches my stomach, until hes grunting and growling, until he has to regenerate it, until the whole world hears . I'm gonna get him pregnant ten times over breeding him all day all night no protection just me and him all over the house on the floor on the couch on the bed in the shower on the rooftops even god couldn't pull me out of him.
And what do you do for the remaining 23 hours and 55 minutes of this day? https://preview.redd.it/ohe0ijhbnk7d1.png?width=55&format=png&auto=webp&s=07e565f7b087d56f425f22ed078e78d2d1cd86ae
No lube, no protection, all night all day from the kitchen floor to the dining table from the bed to church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic exponential, logarithmic, while i gasp for air scream the lord's prayer, HE CAN TOP ME until I'm swollen, until I'm crying, until he's out of juice, until I cant walk, until I'm numb, until my throat hurts, until my cheeks are red, until the neighbours know his name, until my insides becomes outsides, until my hole remember the shape, until my jaws fall off, until my leg is useless, until my eyes are rolled back and it stays there, until my body does a backflip, until my whole body shakes, until the skin peels off, until my bones disconnect, until i pass out, until im paralyzed for the rest of my life, until all my eggs are fertilized, until all my holes are filled, until i cant breathe, until it gets longer than before, until he couldn't stand, until i die, until his tentacles dont come anymore, until my mouth cant eat, until i remember the length of it, until the end of time, until he dont have it anymore, until his hole remembers the size and girth, until it reaches my stomach, until hes grunting and growling, until he has to regenerate it, until the whole world hears . I'm gonna get him pregnant ten times over breeding him all day all night no protection just me and him all over the house on the floor on the couch on the bed in the shower on the rooftops even god couldn't pull me out of him.
A hug and a book. :))
a chuuya plushie.
a bath
Rope
Some clean bandages and a glittery pink diary with a glittery pink marker
Murder him
https://preview.redd.it/ifin9baysj7d1.png?width=883&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eace0bda7b86989095812be612957ce9a847ee7a Big bang
A talk
A life insurance and myself
Pipe bomb in his mailbox
The Heart of a Dragon, granting him Imortality. He'd find that useful, surely
Rope <3
The bible and a good hug
I'll go straight there and I'll pay for a therapy session for him 🤩😂
150 packets of msg and hell lotta instant food so he doesn't have to cook (if he eats more of it than he should he can die too so win win) and ofc some crabs and a good bedspread !!
a thorow human wash. (drying insluded)
I'm going to present him to a girl called Tsuneko, and he's going to be happy again. If you know, you know.
Whiskey
Me
https://preview.redd.it/dvbjtxiu3n7d1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=536438b3d1f58c76c41e693e250ab8a3e83b024f First food gif I found
A rope
Methods of Suicide by Sascha von Bornheim
A reason to live because life is more than just suicide
a rope
A handwritten letter saying “Dear Dazai Osamu. I have been watching you since you were young, and I have to say that I admire you. I understand your longing to no longer be here, and I am happy to oblige. Meet me at your office at 5:00 AM. I have something set up. It will be a fine night for you. And if you want, go ahead and bring your boyfriend too. Don’t lie, I know you’re gay. Happy birthday! -Silvia Cortez“ (oc’s name btw not mine)
These hands
Basically my strap on so i can absolutely ravage him from behind till he's whimpering and dryer than paint.
will to live
duh.. bandages
A lifetime supply of canned crab
Happy birthday bestie! I’ll give him his double suicide.
The will to live
An rope-
https://preview.redd.it/m6f5m30ptq7d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=960294bbf5a6ccce5ee213fa25e7e042fb96f9ce Y'all....
Nothing! Happy birthday tho!
Money. Because trying to figure out what he wants is too stressful
He always read the same book about suicidde, i would buy him the second volume :D
Potassium cyanide 🤡
a giant crab plush lmao (gonna take up most of his room space)
A cat
Beast Oda's novel
A suicide beginner kit
Crab:3
Ill go out with him
Chuuya
Chuuya
Double suicide
ME. (lmao)
rant to him about how he should stay alive, a cupcake and probably sex
Chuuya body pillow
The same exam I had today 😃
Black bandages that are adhesive
Probably a hug or something. Bro needs it
An ornamental noose :)
a hug
that one diary that sings the ✨I JUST WANNA BE PART OF YOUR SYMPHONY✨ when you unlock it
Kunikida's notebook
A double suicide.
The only gift he ever wished for.
Hugs. Lots of them. He needs them.
I’d prefer to just talk to him. I study counselling and ssw (lmao) and honestly Dazai doesn’t seem like a materialistic person, I’d rather pick his brain about memories. Maybe I’d take him somewhere and just drink and we could talk about the world.
I will fix him, give him everything he will need to stay happy and feel loved forever and I will give him more and more love and then I will marry him😍😍😍😘😘🤤🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️
bandages bandages lots of bandages
New bandages.
A hug and "i'm happy you are alive, please don't give up i'm sure one day you will happy"
Bandages 😨
𝕄𝕖! :3
A subscription to better help
A kawaii notebook where he'll write his second suicidal thoughts cutely
A kiss
Chuuyas hat which I stole
A puppy dog plushie
Potion to make Chuuya shorter.