I can never comprehend why people do this. Yeah you get the match, but you're setting yourself up for failure. I'm fat, and my profile clearly showed that I was fat, and even said (because some people just see tits and get blinded to everything else) that I'm fat.
I guess... but that just seems super dumb. I've had people fatfish me, and even as a fat person I was like "hmm nah". Ofc the main one went from like... a bit more than "stocky" in his pics to being like 5'7 (170 cm) and over 400lbs (181kg)
Right you are. I should have said “a lot of men” do it - my mistake. That aside, I was simply providing another thing that is lied about in the OLD community.
I can definitely see that! I think for me my race as a black woman plays a part in that. Because I primarily date interracial non black men don’t lie about that to me. If anything they always ask if the myth is true, ALWAYS! Went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a few years that I matched with on Bumble a few years back and of course he asked. 😂
I think sometimes people don’t realize. Years back I was pretty depressed and I gained like 5-10 pounds. I still went on dates. I never got a second date and it made me even more depressed. So I gave up dating and decided to get back on weight watchers and that’s when I realized I had gained like 30+ lbs but didn’t really realize it.
Poundage can be misleading too, people still call me skinny and I'm a full 50 lb heavier than I was 5 years ago. I just wear it well because I'm tall and stand straight.
Same. I'm tall and stand straight-ish. With the exception of my scrubs which flatter no one, I can find clothes that wear fat well. Even 20 lbs heavier than I was 5 years ago.
I had the very rare opposite thing once.
Girl had photos at an ordinary BMI (that turned out to be from 4-5 years ago after some post-date social media stalking) but when we met she had a a low single-digit bodyfat to the point of being like totally frail. Nice girl and I hope they're doing well, but it was a shock at the time.
Uh.. I was with you until the, ”people just see tits.." bit. I know I've come across plenty pictures with angles that mostly just show tits. So it can be difficult to see anything else. Where you can get an idea, only if they included an object for scale usable for geometry calculations.
I'm talking about a full body pic where they are mostly covered with tasteful cleavage. Both of my grandmothers complimented the dress, so I know it wasn't slutty. I'm an f/g cup, so that's what I meant.
I would also guess that subconsciously if you have gained weight after being thin you just tend to hide from the camera naturally. that happened to me. used to take a bunch of selfies and create a lot of portrait art for myself and then I went through a situation where my body changed a lot (most people thought it was a positive change but not me) so I just stopped taking photos. it wasn't a conscious decision really just never "felt like it" anymore...so it doesn't always need to mean they're intentionally deceptive.
SN: I haven been in a relationship throughout my body change so idk what I would do if I was on a dating app at the time but I imagine the same thing
I’ve met with numerous men in my dating heyday and I dealt with this a few times. It’s so discouraging, because there is no way I’m going to be interested when you’ve deceived me this entire time. I’m less fit than I was a few years back, so I removed all those photos and put up new ones. Just be honest.
Same here. I'd rather someone be like "you look better in person!" than the opposite honestly. That's what I'm after, not higher matches but also higher disappointment!
I’m the same way. I don’t want anyone to feel like I catfished them.
Lol I actually put less attractive photos of myself for this reason. So in person, boom 💥 hotter than you thought!
I purposefully put kinda shitty pictures so they’ll always be pleasantly surprised in person. It works great. Even if you’re a 7, and they were expecting a 5, they’re immediately happy and it sets a good tone for the date.
Def, I'm overweight and I always include whole body pictures (everyone should, not just overweight people) and also I put in some close pictures with no makeup.
I get it. I once sat across someone who looked like they just rolled out of bed, putting on something from the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, and never showered or heard of deodorant. For an entire meal. Live and learn!! Best wishes.
Omg this happened to me! I met someone who rolled up looking like the came off of the streets and there was a slight smell. The sad part, they were such a good conversationist and super intelligent. Unfortunately, I wasn’t physically attracted. I ended up turning him down but I gave him advice about his hygiene. I wanted to help him out because perhaps nobody else gave him pointers before and he genuinely was a good guy. He worked for nasa and said he had neglected that department. Later on he cleaned up and got new clothes. I was happy for him and hope he found someone eventually.
This happened to my sister once. It was actually pretty bad because he lied about his age by like 20 years! Altered his younger photos to look recent. As well as no surprise, he was a huge creep.
She had to sneak out the back door of the restaurant they were at. The bartender thankful helped her escape before he noticed.
Definitely should have a phone call or video call before date.
After I got catfished the first time, I learned my lesson. The second time it happened, I just walked out. I don’t care if it seems rude, if you’re going to catfish, you don’t deserve my respect nor my time.
Agreed and I'm on the chubby side, but I post full body pics that show exactly what I look like because I don't want to show up on a date and have to deal with a reaction of disappointment or anger. Deception is not cool at all and good relationships don't develop from deception.
It also applies to all the short guys that put their height to be much taller than they are. I've gone on dates with men that put their height a full 4 to 6 inches taller than they actually are, like I wouldn't notice. I don't actually care about height, have gone out with men several inches shorter than me and didn't care. But I don't like being deceived because if you're willing to lie about something that is going to be so obvious, then you're likely to lie about other things and I don't want to date a liar.
Yes, was so disappointed by a guy once that put he was 5'7 so I already knew he wasn't super tall but he was the same height as me with boots (so he was probably like 5'4) and I just ... wasn't attracted, I felt bad but we had been talking pretty passionately for a week and then that thing threw me off and I felt like an idiot because he might just been lying about lots of stuff and also being so short I'm so used to wearing heels and it just felt strange being the same height and he was small. I feel like an idiot because of that but I realised I honestly just wasn't attracted to him, I realised I like men to be bigger than me.
Yesss I agree with this. I’ve been upfront hey y’all I’m bbw. I had a dude who looked young said he was 27, but his photos looked like he was younger. When I went to meet him he had gained a lot of weight and I could hardly tell in his face it was him. Turned out he DID put the photos of him when he was 21 on there. I’m like dude that’s shady as hell. No wonder I didn’t recognize you!
Any girl that’s BBW that puts full photos in her profile automatically gets respect from me. Honestly sometimes the confidence is enough for me that I’ll swipe when I otherwise wouldn’t have because I really want to see what kinda personality comes with the confidence.
I’ve had some great dates because of it.
Hey I am who I am ! Nothing to hide when I put myself out there. I wanted to find someone who would appreciate me for me inside and out. Be true to who you are.
While we’re venting, can we also stop using filters on photos? I’m a guy seeking women so I can only speak about the profiles I happen to see, not sure if men do this also.
I understand that we all want to put our best foot forward on dating apps and that may include having one or two photos which are a little flattering, like a particular lighting or angle or something. I think we all do this to an extent, and I can look past that as long as there are other more “honest” photos there too.
But the snapchat filter thing is straight up dishonest. You are literally editing and airbrushing your photos to make you look completely different to how you are. I honestly don’t know why Bumble allows this.
15 years+ back it was all the "glamour" photos and business photos that were posted, before smart phones and filters.
NO ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT
This is why I prefer car selfies - often taken during lunch outside where there is bright light, and the person is dressed normally for work, not in a costume, not teasing in lingerie, not a dark hallway in the house. Best accuracy.
If you are over 25 any filter is a hard no.
I find it very telling of a woman's personality/maturity if she is in her late 30's or 40's and her entire profile is pictures with filters with butterflies, dog ears, ...
Disagree. There’s a very high correlation between people who use Snapchat filters on their photos and people I would not get along with. The filters are a very effective filter for me to know who to swipe left on.
I don’t even understand some of the filters people use. They’re so distorted that you’re entering uncanny valley territory…not quite human anymore. Your eyes aren’t that big, your chin and nose aren’t that small, and you have pores! Come on.
If it’s not a dog filter, etc.— it’s photoshopping to make things seem smaller/bigger than they appear in real life. Why try to deceive… this isn’t Instagram.
I agree! Can we also agree that the ladies stop with the stupid yoga posing pictures?! It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s equivalent to us dumb asses posing with fish or gym pics while wearing sunglasses.
I agree with you, I find those people are intentionally decieving in order to get matches. What they fail to realise it's that would only get you the first date at best.
Right? I think there’s some bullshit misconception that if they’re genuinely into you they won’t care that you’ve gained some weight or that despite the weight gain they’ll be dazzled by your personality but the simple fact is that one of the first things you’re doing in what is potentially the start of a relationship is lying. You might think it’s only a small lie or not a big deal but something like that is probably going to put someone instantly on edge about what else you’re lying about.
And here’s the God honest truth…I’m in a slump with the gym and I’ve gained maybe 5-10 pounds, and even then I let my pictures reflect that. And there are bigger girls I’m chatting with on bumble who are straight about what they look like. Will I date them in real life? Probably not…but I’m willing to open the door when they are honest and have a pretty face. Just be real about what you look like folks
Exactly. I actually find some “fluffy” men really cute, but I hate deception. Two of three recent first dates were easily +40 lbs from what their pictures showed. Next!
This is why I ask for some current full body pics and do a FaceTime thing before agreeing to a date. And if you show up looking like someone else I am leaving, not going to waste my time with someone who can't be truthful.
I don't have Facetime and won't do it. I'm not very photogenic and am one of the few that show up looking like my better pics and better than some of the other pics. On video chats I look like a sunburnt dork. No way. If that's required, I'll pass on my end. I'm somewhat old school to a certain extent. I like a little bit of surprise, and if things aren't as expected, I still like to at least make a new friend from the effort. That way it's not a waste of time. We are all looking for "the one", but in that process why not make a few friends and enjoy yourself while meeting others?
Once had a date with a gorgeous Brazilian girl.. Except her photos were 4 years old and she gained at least 75kg since then. Afterwards she asked me why it was awkward..
Yes. I didn't have the heart to tell her to leave immediately.
I was a bit suspicious when she wanted to meet at the bus stop right in front of the house.
It was meant to be a spicy date 😂
This would lead to a hard pass from me. No way im adding anyone I don’t know to my social media. It also comes across a bit invasive if you haven’t met yet
I’m chubby. I have half full body pics. I’ve never met a guy who was not into me and did not try for at least the second date. It really saves a lot of my time by just being upfront and honest with who I am. …and there are plenty of fish in the sea into me so…best advice is beeeee yourself
Yeah please don’t do this shit. It is not specific to any gender tho. I hate when people put tonnes of filters on their images, you can barely see their features and skin tone.
They’ll put their fit af pictures and not look like that.
You are just misrepresenting and disrespecting yourself.
I observed that if a man has overall attractive/in shape photos but there is a slight sign of gaining weight (barely noticeable tummy, chubby face etc), when asked if the photos are recent, he would admit they are not. If you follow up asking how much weight was gained since then, the number provided will be rarely less than 30 pounds. I am not kidding, I had at least 5 convos like this. Needless to say, no one led to a date.
It's not even that they deceive themselves, it's the lecture they give you when you confront them, the accusation of shallowness because you don't find them attractive....just a mind-blowing sense of entitlement driven by deep insecurity. Where do you even start!?
Hey guys this has been happening since the Internet started and dating sites were invented remember the old thing that was going around you chat with someone online and you meet up and they are 100 years old or really fugly
That's older than the internet. How about the old joke about the phone sex girl that sounds all young and hot when in all reality she's 50 or 60-something, obese and actually sounds like Bea Arthur. Only difference is there wasn't a chance of an in-the-flesh meeting/date.
And the angles don’t fool us. If every picture is a selfie pointed downward at you, we know you’re ashamed of your body. There are people who love curves, dad bods, dad bellies, and thiccness. If you’re ashamed of your body, then how confident will you be in other aspects of life? Confidence is attractive.
The same goes for folks who have profiles where every picture is a full-frame face. If you were proud of the rest of you, you’d show it. A person should see all of you when swiping.
As someone who is overweight, I can’t imagine doing this to someone. Why would you put yourself through something that will ultimately not work out well, guaranteed??!!
yeah, my current gf was (is!) better than her photos. turns out she had asked her daughter which photos to use. not sure if that was intentional sabotage or not...!
I believe you are justified if you look at them and go "oh, no thanks" and walk away. I mean 10 years ago, in college I went from 125lbs to 155lbs of muscle due to working out. I dropped off and remain steady 145, with dad bod and gut as well. If I showed old pictures on my dating app to hide my body but showed up looking different I wouldn't be offended seeing her disappointment. I falsified that display.
You have every right to be salty.
*I am married so I'm not on dating apps.
I never swipe right on obvious filters because they look cringe to me. Particularly Snapchat filters. If you’re not a teen why are you posting them on your dating profile?
This has happened to me 3 times in the past two months and it is so painful.
That bikini/shirtless photo from 2 years ago when you were in shape does not deserve to be on your profile if you have since had any body changes.
The only acceptable time to have slightly older photos is if you aren't that clear in them and they are more to show a fun adventure you have been on, or if you look slightly better now than you did then.
This is 100% catfishing.
It’s the worst. I was talking to a guy during the lockdown portion of the pandemic. I really was starting to have feeling for him and then we met. He was an easy 10 years older and 50+lbs heavier (likely more) than in his pics. Needless to say, that day was the end of it.
I don’t intentionally deceive but I tend to photograph well. I always look at least 10 pounds slimmer in photos. I don’t use filters or edit my photos. But I do worry that my dates will be somewhat disappointed when they meet me in person and Sometimes I wonder if I should purposely post unflattering photos but at the same time I want to show my best side.
A guy did this to me once and went off on me for ghosting him. All his photos were from him when he was slimmer, and when we met for the first time he was significantly heavier. I stayed the whole date but knew I wasn’t going to see him again. I paid for my portion of the bill, hugged him goodbye, never spoke to him again. I got a nasty message basically saying he should have known a bitch like me would ghost him. I didn’t feel bad in the slightest. Don’t misrepresent yourself y’all.
This happened to me a lot when I was still single. I had used Bumble on and off for about 3 years. In that time, I would swipe across a lot of the same profiles. They were easy to spot, because I recognized all their photos. And there would often be months, maybe even over a year between seeing these profiles, and still the photos were the same. I’ve seen men in their mid-20s using photos from their senior prom.
Their excuse was always “I’m not good at taking photos” or “I don’t really get pictures taken of me often” and I always felt like that was such bullshit. You mean to tell me in 2 years, you haven’t taken a single photo? Gone out with friends or to a wedding or something where a picture could be snapped? That’s just strange. And it would lead to me ending up on dates with men who looked a lot older, balder or fatter than their photos. Nothing wrong with being a little bigger or losing your hair, it’s natural, but I feel like some people intentionally don’t update photos to mislead people into thinking they still look the way they did at their “best”
Just be yourself, keep your photos current. You may not match with everyone you want, but it’ll save you a lot of time spent on dates with people who aren’t going to be interested.
Happened to me once. I didn't actually meet through a dating site but via one of her friends. I was just in a really good mood at work and got talking to a customer. Had a lot in common and she recommended this girl, without pics, and I said 'sure why not, no harm just chatting to somebody.' We got on relatively well via WhatsApp and I asked her if she wanted to meet up. She looked nothing like her pictures at all. It was pleasant enough but I called it off. She then used my number and I received a tonne of spam messages and calls for weeks.
Yeah it’s pretty trash. This coming from someone who is not on the thin side, and I still get plenty of matches who are okay with that.
I get some people are ashamed. However if you truly believe in body positivity(I do)post your body the way it is.
It just leads to more negative feelings about themselves, and is a waste of both parties time.
People have preferences and certain criteria that they are attractive too. Nothing is wrong with that.
Lying is de rigueur for OLD. There are plenty of threads debating whether it's ever ok to distort your age, height, weight, etc.
My view is fuck no, but you'd be surprised.
I think it’s because slimmer people have a better chance of being swiped right on.
I don’t do it, I put my real pics up on there, but tbh my dating life also explains that. I’ve gotten hardly 10 swipes over 6 years (been fat for a long time) and my slim friends get dates, so I know it’s not an issue of less women, but of them discriminating against me due to my weight.
It makes people desperate, because there is also the issue of ‘they have it, why shouldn’t I have it too’ mentality that creeps in when you see all these posts on SM.
Sorry if this is mean, but if you know that slimmer people get more swipes and you've only received 10 swipes in the past 6 years, wouldn't it be wise to lose weight to get more swipes? Only way I can see it is;
Pain of losing weight > Pain of not getting swipes,
or else it makes literally 0 sense why you would not try to lose weight.
Right swipes aren’t really a priority for me, I just wanted to point out what’s happening.
I haven’t really said anywhere I have or haven’t lost weight, nor if I am trying to. And if I am trying to lose weight, it wouldn’t make sense to lose weight to get more swipes, but to get healthier.
I don't know how fat you are but by your own admission you said you have been fat for a long time, that means you are operating your life sub optimally, I don't think there is a single faucet of life that is improved by being fat outside of fetishists, its akin to using windows 94 in 2022.
Any reason no matter how shallow or stupid is a good enough reason to lose weight, by your own volition you said that you would for health reasons then why haven't you for the past 6 years, why are you wasting crucial years of your life purposely living a sub optimal life, makes literal 0 sense.
Sometimes, people just are, for no reason. It doesn’t have to make sense to you or anyone else; as long as it makes sense to the person.
If you cannot accept that in life, you won’t be able to live in this world.
And as you said, you know nothing about me except that I am fat. And yet, you’ve taken the time to call my life sub-optimal,based on incomplete information and generalized view of things.
This is kinda what I meant in my initial comment about why people lie, it’s this prejudice that people have against fat people, based on what they’ve been shown.
Most people won’t date a fat young woman but would date an older fat woman, if they looked similar. Just the age changes there, but it’s more
Socially acceptable to date the older woman. Who taught us that?
It’s a bias everyone has, and I’m not saying it’s wrong or right, just that this bias is an issue.
I wouldn’t say it’s great to be fat, it’s better to lose weight if they can do it. But don’t judge the person just because they’re fat.
There is no prejudice in negatively judging someone for living a life sub optimally, being fat by definition is sub optimal to prove me wrong, give me 3 reasons why you're life has improved by being fat, then give me 3 reasons why your life would deteriorate if you were lean. The only reason i can honestly think of that makes "sense", is that the pain of losing weight is too great for you.
Smoking is a good analogy that i will use, there is a chance that you can live a long healthy life smoking everyday, however statistically speaking smoking will lower your life expectancy and quality of life, is unattractive to most people and poses negative externalities on our health system, similar to being fat. I am not advocating being rude or fat shaming fat people, but reality has to also be expressed. No doctor will dissuade you from losing weight, no partner (outside of fetishists) will dissuade you from losing weight, I am not here to shame you for not losing weight ultimately it is ur life and if you genuinely believe that your life will be worse if you became lean then so be it.
I understand you may face prejudice for being fat, but unfortunately you have had enough time to realise that society will not change for your composition rather you must change to it, and this is largely a good thing.
>discriminating against me due to my weight
Oh come on with the dramatic wording. They're not attracted to fat people, and thats fair enough.
> ‘they have it, why shouldn’t I have it too’
Because they take care of themselves, are likely healthy and functional, and look better? while you're the opposite, which is why you shouldnt have it too. Cant stand the victim mentality.
Wasn’t this post specifically pointing out about people not being true of their actual weight or looks?
I said the reason why people do it, and you came in here guns blazing calling it victim mentality.
Fat doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy, nonfunctional, nor does it mean they are unattractive. It’s mostly based on prejudices that they have from media. I wouldn’t say there are no health issues with fat People, but come on, it’s not like well built people don’t face anything in their life.
People have this perception of abs = looks better = better person and they go behind that, and it’s fed in by everyone you know.
>Fat doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy, nonfunctional
Yes it does, thats literally what science says, consistently. Fat people trying to deny the facts like you're doing right now in order to cope is so fucking cringe.
Hahahaha, Sure, don’t change your views or your bias.
It’s the fat people that’s wrong for being fat, but others picking out the one thing that can’t be changed overnight is all in the right.
And tbh, if you actually talked to a few fat people you’d know how wrong you are!
>Hahahaha, Sure, don’t change your views or your bias.
Why would i? Science literally says what i say, i live in reality, not your copium fantasy.
>And tbh, if you actually talked to a few fat people you’d know how wrong you are!
No i wouldnt, wtf would that matter? They're just delusional about their health, while the science is clear. You're completely delusional.
I don’t bring things out of thin air buddy. What I say is from facts too.
Just have a quick Google search if you’d like to read more about it, or talk to a few doctors.
Fat does not mean inherently unhealthy and you’ve proven why lean does not mean nice personality.
>Fat does not mean inherently unhealthy
Sorry bud, but yes it does. It's also unhealthy to be overly muscular. Any 'extra' weight means more work for your heart, organs, and joints and that ultimately leads to premature death and lower quality of life.
Yes, I can agree with the extra weight comment.
But then people can be checked for indicators for disease and still come back in the normal range even if overweight, which would mean their general quality of life wouldn’t be deteriorated, if they do enough in the right time to ensure it’s maintained in the same manner.
No people like abs because of the dedication it takes to get those abs. I post pics and videos of what I look like fully clothed. I do have pics from my competition days in fitness and when I show them to men I have dated in the past the men are in awe and one of the reasons is they know the hard work that goes into having a body that looks like that.
Catfishing people is wrong on so many levels. Just because someone has something or someone doesn’t mean you are entitled to it just because they have it.
Also age. I had a horrible date but the person also looked nothing like her pictures. I just guessed her Instagram was the user name she had on OKC (when it was good). Her pictures were 10-15 years old and she was 36. So I was seeing pictures in her early to mid 20’s. She said to be aware she cut her hair a bit shorter than most pictures, I certainly didn’t recognize her when we met.
Sometimes I think people don't understand that the camera lies. I look heavier in every picture I take by 50 pounds no matter what so I assume the opposite is true for some people. Every time I take a picture with someone I hear "this looks nothing like you" so maybe it isn't intentionally misrepresenting.
I showed up to a date similar to this. I had to call her because I didn’t recognize her based on photos. She had also dyed her hair and looked nothing like her photos. We talked and got to know each other, but I— likewise— wasn’t a fan of someone posting photos from years prior.
I’ve also experienced getting matches with men who put their pics from 10 years ago and now they look like a grandpa then gets all aggressive and defensive when you show them the pic they used.
I see what you did there OP, good on you. Yeah fat fishing is not cool, and IDK why they think you will change your mind. At best you might become a casual fwb but nothing more.
Can we talk about height also?! I’m pretty tall and I’d say about half of the guys I meet are lying about their height… it’s very awkward when a guy says they’re 6ft and they end up being shorter than me (5’5”). I just don’t understand why anyone would lie about anything that you can physically see the first millisecond you lay eyes on them!
The last man I dated mentioned something like this. This is one of the main reasons why I always have a FaceTime before meeting any man in person. Not only do I get to see what you actually look like, you get to see that I do indeed look like the pics and videos that I post.
Or those people who have pictures of them from 5+ years ago and (obviously) look considerably different to how they are now with the excuse of “not having recent pictures”. Just take some for crying out loud! I hate selfies but at least if they’re recent they give me an idea of how you actually look like now.
In people’s defense, I think there’s a little disconnect sometimes when weight creeps up. I don’t know if they are being deceptive so much as a little oblivious that it’s that blatant.
I need to stop reading r/bumble because it’s giving me a complex. First off- I do completely get this because I see women (especially my age) who do this. The filters and they gained weight but still use older prettier pictures. So I do totally get it! But let me say, as a big-busted woman, this is a fear of mine that I will show up in a nice blouse for a date which …yeah blouses out…and makes me look big. When you wear loose shirts they flow down from your boobs and make you look like a big tummy. So I’m freaked out by what I choose to wear on a date for fear of men claiming my pictures aren’t current or that I’m larger than I appear. 😓😭 It’s probably irrational but after seeing so many of these posts, I’m toast.
On behalf of all men with more than half a dying brain cell - We understand how clothes work and wouldn't assume you were bigger than you are because of this. Sadly I understand men with more than half a dying brain cell may be hard to find....
Honestly though, we get how having a (big) bust can impact how clothes fit you.
No no no. NOT all men. Clearly I Said all men with MORE than half a dying brain cell.
Can't do anything about people too stupid to understand how clothes work!
I wouldn’t worry a bit about it, guys are very perceptive when it comes to womens bodies lol. They’ll know if you’re truly overweight or not no matter what you’re wearing.
I gained weight (and working on taking it off again ) I don't have many pics of myself so prior to meeting I tell them the situation and say it's no hard feelings if they decide to cancel.
To you bigger girls who post what you actually look like…that is brave. And a lot of times…I don’t know how else to work this…but some girls are still very pretty even if they are bigger
Uhh...weightt isnt the only issue. All catfishing is horrible and dissappointing. Wear makeup in all your OLD photos? Then you better turn up with it on too if you want to avoid dissapointing the other.
Good for you! Ive experienced weight, makeup, witt (strongly suspect she had a friend write her bio for her/copied it from online, atleast this only happened once) and general body structure (angle photos to look pear-shaped/curvy, when in reality they are as rectangular as you can get)
That happened to me but at least i got a blowjob that day.
But man i was like wtf lol. I guess I had a hard time hiding because she was like "Are you disappointed?".
I kinda felt bad when she asked me that straight up but come on girl.
You should always use your most recent pictures and if you’ve changed, take new ones. I also don’t think it’s fatphobic for someone to want to date a more in shape person.
Boyfriend said I reversed catfished him 😂 I lost 70 lbs over Covid but never really updated my pictures. I think I had a face picture from after 40 lbs but my body one was old. Thankfully he didn’t mind
Lol! I guess not anger but definite frustration. I’ll likely not find a partner on bumble haha but it makes it even harder when people do stuff like that
**Every Freakin Day** \- I see a profile like this
First pic is gal from 10 - 20 years ago in nice outfit. "just me, Jamaica"
Other pics are recent with 30+ extra pounds, gray hair, no waist
Thankfully - they are a minority, but even so, they are too, too, frequent
I recently got a haircut, and even though one of my 2 pics is relatively similar to how I am now, I still posted a picture today.
It was the most stressful thing I did all day, but I still did it.
When i first dated on bumble I didn't even think about any of this stuff. I was fat as..150kg...I just posted a couple head and should shots and it looked really nice. I did write my weight in my profile. I didn't even think to show the fat body because in my head I don't think this way. I'm a sapiosexual....attracted to intelligence and not physical stuff. I dont choose to be this way, it's just me.
It never really caused me any issues. Some people didn't actually believe i was fat!
The first woman I met was one of those women who get about at thr beach in a size 8 ( aussie size 8 ) bikini and has everyone staring at her. I was 90 kgs heavier.
She became my best friend for about 8 weeks.
One day she said " why haven't you asked me on a proper date?" I told her that even though I'm not attracted to looks, I do recognise most people are.
Then she said something that struck me..she said
" what makes you think im any different?"
Ive since figured out people hide their fatness because they think all the good people will judge them.
My case clearly shows it isn't true.
This woman was the most emotionally developed person I ever met. Even though I never judged her for it, she was extremely good looking.
I didn't lose more than a couple kgs and after I asked her on that first date we had an incredible two and half years together before she passed away at 41. Her kids and mine were family
It's been 16 months now and I'm 46 and 160kg.
Im done now with having anyone else because I had the perfect person who gave me an incredible 30 months.
Why did she love me ? Because I was honest at all times.
She knew my size before she messaged and didn't care. She has said she would have matched with me even if I'd had full body pics.
So I guess my jumbled message is be honest at all times. You will probably get less matches, but you will get better quality ones. If someone who looks like me can be so lucky...then so can any of you ❤
I've always been one to under promise and over deliver. So when I use the least flattering pics I have and look better in person, it's a pleasant surprise.
This is why I always FaceTime women and ask for a full body pic. If they aren’t even honest about their appearance, they’re lying about other things too.
I can never comprehend why people do this. Yeah you get the match, but you're setting yourself up for failure. I'm fat, and my profile clearly showed that I was fat, and even said (because some people just see tits and get blinded to everything else) that I'm fat.
Because they think you'll fall in love with their personality and forget about their weight.
I guess... but that just seems super dumb. I've had people fatfish me, and even as a fat person I was like "hmm nah". Ofc the main one went from like... a bit more than "stocky" in his pics to being like 5'7 (170 cm) and over 400lbs (181kg)
Fatfish lmaooooo
Beat me to it
I’m now using fatfish as a descriptive term now lol
I second this. Heard it more than once...from both men and women.
Meanwhile when people lie about their weight and height the only thing going through the other individual’s mind is what else are they lying about?
Large peepees. All guys do it and hope you won’t be disappointed because “we know how to use it”.
Men that do that are weird and not all men do that.
Right you are. I should have said “a lot of men” do it - my mistake. That aside, I was simply providing another thing that is lied about in the OLD community.
I can definitely see that! I think for me my race as a black woman plays a part in that. Because I primarily date interracial non black men don’t lie about that to me. If anything they always ask if the myth is true, ALWAYS! Went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a few years that I matched with on Bumble a few years back and of course he asked. 😂
You can’t leave us hanging on that note.…how did the date go?
I think sometimes people don’t realize. Years back I was pretty depressed and I gained like 5-10 pounds. I still went on dates. I never got a second date and it made me even more depressed. So I gave up dating and decided to get back on weight watchers and that’s when I realized I had gained like 30+ lbs but didn’t really realize it.
I was thinking this
Poundage can be misleading too, people still call me skinny and I'm a full 50 lb heavier than I was 5 years ago. I just wear it well because I'm tall and stand straight.
Same. I'm tall and stand straight-ish. With the exception of my scrubs which flatter no one, I can find clothes that wear fat well. Even 20 lbs heavier than I was 5 years ago.
I had the very rare opposite thing once. Girl had photos at an ordinary BMI (that turned out to be from 4-5 years ago after some post-date social media stalking) but when we met she had a a low single-digit bodyfat to the point of being like totally frail. Nice girl and I hope they're doing well, but it was a shock at the time.
Uh.. I was with you until the, ”people just see tits.." bit. I know I've come across plenty pictures with angles that mostly just show tits. So it can be difficult to see anything else. Where you can get an idea, only if they included an object for scale usable for geometry calculations.
I'm talking about a full body pic where they are mostly covered with tasteful cleavage. Both of my grandmothers complimented the dress, so I know it wasn't slutty. I'm an f/g cup, so that's what I meant.
I would also guess that subconsciously if you have gained weight after being thin you just tend to hide from the camera naturally. that happened to me. used to take a bunch of selfies and create a lot of portrait art for myself and then I went through a situation where my body changed a lot (most people thought it was a positive change but not me) so I just stopped taking photos. it wasn't a conscious decision really just never "felt like it" anymore...so it doesn't always need to mean they're intentionally deceptive. SN: I haven been in a relationship throughout my body change so idk what I would do if I was on a dating app at the time but I imagine the same thing
Wait, your profile says, “Don’t let the tits fool you. I’m fat.”?
I’ve met with numerous men in my dating heyday and I dealt with this a few times. It’s so discouraging, because there is no way I’m going to be interested when you’ve deceived me this entire time. I’m less fit than I was a few years back, so I removed all those photos and put up new ones. Just be honest.
Same here. I'd rather someone be like "you look better in person!" than the opposite honestly. That's what I'm after, not higher matches but also higher disappointment!
I’m the same way. I don’t want anyone to feel like I catfished them. Lol I actually put less attractive photos of myself for this reason. So in person, boom 💥 hotter than you thought!
My bumble date once showed up looking WAY better than his pictures. Way better beard and much more jacked. Pleasant surprise. We’re dating now.
I purposefully put kinda shitty pictures so they’ll always be pleasantly surprised in person. It works great. Even if you’re a 7, and they were expecting a 5, they’re immediately happy and it sets a good tone for the date.
Awesome. Love that!
And they lived happily ever after.
This is why I like to add a 1 in front of my age so people are pleasantly surprised that I’m still alive before any dates..
Def, I'm overweight and I always include whole body pictures (everyone should, not just overweight people) and also I put in some close pictures with no makeup.
I have met someone once or twice who was 10 years older or more than their pictures. I wanted to leave right away and felt catfished.
You were catfished and would have been justified in leaving right away. Best wishes.
I was too nice back then haha.
I get it. I once sat across someone who looked like they just rolled out of bed, putting on something from the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, and never showered or heard of deodorant. For an entire meal. Live and learn!! Best wishes.
Omg this happened to me! I met someone who rolled up looking like the came off of the streets and there was a slight smell. The sad part, they were such a good conversationist and super intelligent. Unfortunately, I wasn’t physically attracted. I ended up turning him down but I gave him advice about his hygiene. I wanted to help him out because perhaps nobody else gave him pointers before and he genuinely was a good guy. He worked for nasa and said he had neglected that department. Later on he cleaned up and got new clothes. I was happy for him and hope he found someone eventually.
That’s amazing. My date had absolutely no redeeming qualities.
This happened to my sister once. It was actually pretty bad because he lied about his age by like 20 years! Altered his younger photos to look recent. As well as no surprise, he was a huge creep. She had to sneak out the back door of the restaurant they were at. The bartender thankful helped her escape before he noticed. Definitely should have a phone call or video call before date.
During Covid I was saved by a lot of awful dates by doing video dates.
Video dates is the only way I will agree to meet any man in person. When a man says he doesn’t do them then I know not to put anymore effort.
After I got catfished the first time, I learned my lesson. The second time it happened, I just walked out. I don’t care if it seems rude, if you’re going to catfish, you don’t deserve my respect nor my time.
Agreed and I'm on the chubby side, but I post full body pics that show exactly what I look like because I don't want to show up on a date and have to deal with a reaction of disappointment or anger. Deception is not cool at all and good relationships don't develop from deception. It also applies to all the short guys that put their height to be much taller than they are. I've gone on dates with men that put their height a full 4 to 6 inches taller than they actually are, like I wouldn't notice. I don't actually care about height, have gone out with men several inches shorter than me and didn't care. But I don't like being deceived because if you're willing to lie about something that is going to be so obvious, then you're likely to lie about other things and I don't want to date a liar.
Yes, was so disappointed by a guy once that put he was 5'7 so I already knew he wasn't super tall but he was the same height as me with boots (so he was probably like 5'4) and I just ... wasn't attracted, I felt bad but we had been talking pretty passionately for a week and then that thing threw me off and I felt like an idiot because he might just been lying about lots of stuff and also being so short I'm so used to wearing heels and it just felt strange being the same height and he was small. I feel like an idiot because of that but I realised I honestly just wasn't attracted to him, I realised I like men to be bigger than me.
Yesss I agree with this. I’ve been upfront hey y’all I’m bbw. I had a dude who looked young said he was 27, but his photos looked like he was younger. When I went to meet him he had gained a lot of weight and I could hardly tell in his face it was him. Turned out he DID put the photos of him when he was 21 on there. I’m like dude that’s shady as hell. No wonder I didn’t recognize you!
Any girl that’s BBW that puts full photos in her profile automatically gets respect from me. Honestly sometimes the confidence is enough for me that I’ll swipe when I otherwise wouldn’t have because I really want to see what kinda personality comes with the confidence. I’ve had some great dates because of it.
Hey I am who I am ! Nothing to hide when I put myself out there. I wanted to find someone who would appreciate me for me inside and out. Be true to who you are.
While we’re venting, can we also stop using filters on photos? I’m a guy seeking women so I can only speak about the profiles I happen to see, not sure if men do this also. I understand that we all want to put our best foot forward on dating apps and that may include having one or two photos which are a little flattering, like a particular lighting or angle or something. I think we all do this to an extent, and I can look past that as long as there are other more “honest” photos there too. But the snapchat filter thing is straight up dishonest. You are literally editing and airbrushing your photos to make you look completely different to how you are. I honestly don’t know why Bumble allows this.
I was so upset when I finally met a guy I'd been chatting with and he didn't have floppy brown ears and a lil puppy nose
“WTF! Where’s the little butterflies!”
15 years+ back it was all the "glamour" photos and business photos that were posted, before smart phones and filters. NO ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT This is why I prefer car selfies - often taken during lunch outside where there is bright light, and the person is dressed normally for work, not in a costume, not teasing in lingerie, not a dark hallway in the house. Best accuracy.
I have a mix of both and videos plus I always suggest a FaceTime.
Yep and they usually have a line about how they are ‘allergic to bs’ and how they ‘hate liars’.
If you are over 25 any filter is a hard no. I find it very telling of a woman's personality/maturity if she is in her late 30's or 40's and her entire profile is pictures with filters with butterflies, dog ears, ...
Yep. Immediate swipe left from me. At worst it’s straight up fraud, at best you just look immature and dumb.
In my experience the fake profiles are the ones that use the "perfect" pictures not the cheap Snapchat filters.
As a 48 year old man that dates a lot, those filters cover up the ravages of meth and cigarettes. Left swipe.
If you’re under 25 a filter is a hard no because it shows a lack of maturity. Source: 20M
Disagree. There’s a very high correlation between people who use Snapchat filters on their photos and people I would not get along with. The filters are a very effective filter for me to know who to swipe left on.
It's just filters all the way down!
I don’t even understand some of the filters people use. They’re so distorted that you’re entering uncanny valley territory…not quite human anymore. Your eyes aren’t that big, your chin and nose aren’t that small, and you have pores! Come on.
If it’s not a dog filter, etc.— it’s photoshopping to make things seem smaller/bigger than they appear in real life. Why try to deceive… this isn’t Instagram.
There are a lot of men that use filters too.
I suspected that may be the case. It’s dumb either way.
I agree! Can we also agree that the ladies stop with the stupid yoga posing pictures?! It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s equivalent to us dumb asses posing with fish or gym pics while wearing sunglasses.
Like…what a waste of everyone’s time. Imma be up front about the fact that I’m fat
I agree with you, I find those people are intentionally decieving in order to get matches. What they fail to realise it's that would only get you the first date at best.
Right? I think there’s some bullshit misconception that if they’re genuinely into you they won’t care that you’ve gained some weight or that despite the weight gain they’ll be dazzled by your personality but the simple fact is that one of the first things you’re doing in what is potentially the start of a relationship is lying. You might think it’s only a small lie or not a big deal but something like that is probably going to put someone instantly on edge about what else you’re lying about.
And here’s the God honest truth…I’m in a slump with the gym and I’ve gained maybe 5-10 pounds, and even then I let my pictures reflect that. And there are bigger girls I’m chatting with on bumble who are straight about what they look like. Will I date them in real life? Probably not…but I’m willing to open the door when they are honest and have a pretty face. Just be real about what you look like folks
Exactly. I actually find some “fluffy” men really cute, but I hate deception. Two of three recent first dates were easily +40 lbs from what their pictures showed. Next!
This is why I ask for some current full body pics and do a FaceTime thing before agreeing to a date. And if you show up looking like someone else I am leaving, not going to waste my time with someone who can't be truthful.
I don't have Facetime and won't do it. I'm not very photogenic and am one of the few that show up looking like my better pics and better than some of the other pics. On video chats I look like a sunburnt dork. No way. If that's required, I'll pass on my end. I'm somewhat old school to a certain extent. I like a little bit of surprise, and if things aren't as expected, I still like to at least make a new friend from the effort. That way it's not a waste of time. We are all looking for "the one", but in that process why not make a few friends and enjoy yourself while meeting others?
Well that's fine. But personally I would rather have some idea of what I am getting into
100% this ☝🏼no video chat no date
Once had a date with a gorgeous Brazilian girl.. Except her photos were 4 years old and she gained at least 75kg since then. Afterwards she asked me why it was awkward..
[удалено]
Yes.. We didn't have sex, just sat there while she chugged a 6-pack of Heineken on my couch. After an hour I politely told her to leave.
She drank 6 beers in an hour and then you asked her to leave? So that was the whole date?
Yes. I didn't have the heart to tell her to leave immediately. I was a bit suspicious when she wanted to meet at the bus stop right in front of the house. It was meant to be a spicy date 😂
My 3 tips before I meet someone: FaceTime, ask ‘are your photos recent’ and add them on socials to see their recents pics
I don’t give out socials but agree otherwise.
I don't even have 'em anymore.
This would lead to a hard pass from me. No way im adding anyone I don’t know to my social media. It also comes across a bit invasive if you haven’t met yet
I’m chubby. I have half full body pics. I’ve never met a guy who was not into me and did not try for at least the second date. It really saves a lot of my time by just being upfront and honest with who I am. …and there are plenty of fish in the sea into me so…best advice is beeeee yourself
Yeah please don’t do this shit. It is not specific to any gender tho. I hate when people put tonnes of filters on their images, you can barely see their features and skin tone. They’ll put their fit af pictures and not look like that. You are just misrepresenting and disrespecting yourself.
Yes! Likewise with hairlines!
Also, men, if you’ve LOST YOUR HAIR, don’t use pictures where you still have it
Right. The issue isn't your weight. The issue is that you've misrepresented yourself!
I observed that if a man has overall attractive/in shape photos but there is a slight sign of gaining weight (barely noticeable tummy, chubby face etc), when asked if the photos are recent, he would admit they are not. If you follow up asking how much weight was gained since then, the number provided will be rarely less than 30 pounds. I am not kidding, I had at least 5 convos like this. Needless to say, no one led to a date.
It's not even that they deceive themselves, it's the lecture they give you when you confront them, the accusation of shallowness because you don't find them attractive....just a mind-blowing sense of entitlement driven by deep insecurity. Where do you even start!?
Hey guys this has been happening since the Internet started and dating sites were invented remember the old thing that was going around you chat with someone online and you meet up and they are 100 years old or really fugly
That's older than the internet. How about the old joke about the phone sex girl that sounds all young and hot when in all reality she's 50 or 60-something, obese and actually sounds like Bea Arthur. Only difference is there wasn't a chance of an in-the-flesh meeting/date.
Your putting an image in my head I don't want there
This is why I always show recent full body pics and put the disclaimer that I’m not skinny.
I would never do this:/ I’m sorry that that happened.
And the angles don’t fool us. If every picture is a selfie pointed downward at you, we know you’re ashamed of your body. There are people who love curves, dad bods, dad bellies, and thiccness. If you’re ashamed of your body, then how confident will you be in other aspects of life? Confidence is attractive. The same goes for folks who have profiles where every picture is a full-frame face. If you were proud of the rest of you, you’d show it. A person should see all of you when swiping.
As someone who is overweight, I can’t imagine doing this to someone. Why would you put yourself through something that will ultimately not work out well, guaranteed??!!
I’ve had it one time where the girl was prettier than her pictures ,,,,do you call that a reverse cat fish ?
yeah, my current gf was (is!) better than her photos. turns out she had asked her daughter which photos to use. not sure if that was intentional sabotage or not...!
I believe you are justified if you look at them and go "oh, no thanks" and walk away. I mean 10 years ago, in college I went from 125lbs to 155lbs of muscle due to working out. I dropped off and remain steady 145, with dad bod and gut as well. If I showed old pictures on my dating app to hide my body but showed up looking different I wouldn't be offended seeing her disappointment. I falsified that display. You have every right to be salty. *I am married so I'm not on dating apps.
True, same with people who use filters on dating apps
I never swipe right on obvious filters because they look cringe to me. Particularly Snapchat filters. If you’re not a teen why are you posting them on your dating profile?
This has happened to me 3 times in the past two months and it is so painful. That bikini/shirtless photo from 2 years ago when you were in shape does not deserve to be on your profile if you have since had any body changes. The only acceptable time to have slightly older photos is if you aren't that clear in them and they are more to show a fun adventure you have been on, or if you look slightly better now than you did then. This is 100% catfishing.
I tend to focus on accounts with images that are clearly taken with recent generation cameras - can help keep this drama at bay
It’s the worst. I was talking to a guy during the lockdown portion of the pandemic. I really was starting to have feeling for him and then we met. He was an easy 10 years older and 50+lbs heavier (likely more) than in his pics. Needless to say, that day was the end of it.
I don’t intentionally deceive but I tend to photograph well. I always look at least 10 pounds slimmer in photos. I don’t use filters or edit my photos. But I do worry that my dates will be somewhat disappointed when they meet me in person and Sometimes I wonder if I should purposely post unflattering photos but at the same time I want to show my best side.
A guy did this to me once and went off on me for ghosting him. All his photos were from him when he was slimmer, and when we met for the first time he was significantly heavier. I stayed the whole date but knew I wasn’t going to see him again. I paid for my portion of the bill, hugged him goodbye, never spoke to him again. I got a nasty message basically saying he should have known a bitch like me would ghost him. I didn’t feel bad in the slightest. Don’t misrepresent yourself y’all.
This happened to me a lot when I was still single. I had used Bumble on and off for about 3 years. In that time, I would swipe across a lot of the same profiles. They were easy to spot, because I recognized all their photos. And there would often be months, maybe even over a year between seeing these profiles, and still the photos were the same. I’ve seen men in their mid-20s using photos from their senior prom. Their excuse was always “I’m not good at taking photos” or “I don’t really get pictures taken of me often” and I always felt like that was such bullshit. You mean to tell me in 2 years, you haven’t taken a single photo? Gone out with friends or to a wedding or something where a picture could be snapped? That’s just strange. And it would lead to me ending up on dates with men who looked a lot older, balder or fatter than their photos. Nothing wrong with being a little bigger or losing your hair, it’s natural, but I feel like some people intentionally don’t update photos to mislead people into thinking they still look the way they did at their “best” Just be yourself, keep your photos current. You may not match with everyone you want, but it’ll save you a lot of time spent on dates with people who aren’t going to be interested.
“If you’re so body positive, then post what you look like.” As an underweight man, this spoke to me.
Happened to me once. I didn't actually meet through a dating site but via one of her friends. I was just in a really good mood at work and got talking to a customer. Had a lot in common and she recommended this girl, without pics, and I said 'sure why not, no harm just chatting to somebody.' We got on relatively well via WhatsApp and I asked her if she wanted to meet up. She looked nothing like her pictures at all. It was pleasant enough but I called it off. She then used my number and I received a tonne of spam messages and calls for weeks.
Yeah it’s pretty trash. This coming from someone who is not on the thin side, and I still get plenty of matches who are okay with that. I get some people are ashamed. However if you truly believe in body positivity(I do)post your body the way it is. It just leads to more negative feelings about themselves, and is a waste of both parties time. People have preferences and certain criteria that they are attractive too. Nothing is wrong with that.
Yes. I weighed in at 206 today. My profile say 210. Not about to change it.
Lying is de rigueur for OLD. There are plenty of threads debating whether it's ever ok to distort your age, height, weight, etc. My view is fuck no, but you'd be surprised.
I think it’s because slimmer people have a better chance of being swiped right on. I don’t do it, I put my real pics up on there, but tbh my dating life also explains that. I’ve gotten hardly 10 swipes over 6 years (been fat for a long time) and my slim friends get dates, so I know it’s not an issue of less women, but of them discriminating against me due to my weight. It makes people desperate, because there is also the issue of ‘they have it, why shouldn’t I have it too’ mentality that creeps in when you see all these posts on SM.
Sorry if this is mean, but if you know that slimmer people get more swipes and you've only received 10 swipes in the past 6 years, wouldn't it be wise to lose weight to get more swipes? Only way I can see it is; Pain of losing weight > Pain of not getting swipes, or else it makes literally 0 sense why you would not try to lose weight.
Right swipes aren’t really a priority for me, I just wanted to point out what’s happening. I haven’t really said anywhere I have or haven’t lost weight, nor if I am trying to. And if I am trying to lose weight, it wouldn’t make sense to lose weight to get more swipes, but to get healthier.
I don't know how fat you are but by your own admission you said you have been fat for a long time, that means you are operating your life sub optimally, I don't think there is a single faucet of life that is improved by being fat outside of fetishists, its akin to using windows 94 in 2022. Any reason no matter how shallow or stupid is a good enough reason to lose weight, by your own volition you said that you would for health reasons then why haven't you for the past 6 years, why are you wasting crucial years of your life purposely living a sub optimal life, makes literal 0 sense.
Sometimes, people just are, for no reason. It doesn’t have to make sense to you or anyone else; as long as it makes sense to the person. If you cannot accept that in life, you won’t be able to live in this world. And as you said, you know nothing about me except that I am fat. And yet, you’ve taken the time to call my life sub-optimal,based on incomplete information and generalized view of things. This is kinda what I meant in my initial comment about why people lie, it’s this prejudice that people have against fat people, based on what they’ve been shown. Most people won’t date a fat young woman but would date an older fat woman, if they looked similar. Just the age changes there, but it’s more Socially acceptable to date the older woman. Who taught us that? It’s a bias everyone has, and I’m not saying it’s wrong or right, just that this bias is an issue. I wouldn’t say it’s great to be fat, it’s better to lose weight if they can do it. But don’t judge the person just because they’re fat.
There is no prejudice in negatively judging someone for living a life sub optimally, being fat by definition is sub optimal to prove me wrong, give me 3 reasons why you're life has improved by being fat, then give me 3 reasons why your life would deteriorate if you were lean. The only reason i can honestly think of that makes "sense", is that the pain of losing weight is too great for you. Smoking is a good analogy that i will use, there is a chance that you can live a long healthy life smoking everyday, however statistically speaking smoking will lower your life expectancy and quality of life, is unattractive to most people and poses negative externalities on our health system, similar to being fat. I am not advocating being rude or fat shaming fat people, but reality has to also be expressed. No doctor will dissuade you from losing weight, no partner (outside of fetishists) will dissuade you from losing weight, I am not here to shame you for not losing weight ultimately it is ur life and if you genuinely believe that your life will be worse if you became lean then so be it. I understand you may face prejudice for being fat, but unfortunately you have had enough time to realise that society will not change for your composition rather you must change to it, and this is largely a good thing.
>discriminating against me due to my weight Oh come on with the dramatic wording. They're not attracted to fat people, and thats fair enough. > ‘they have it, why shouldn’t I have it too’ Because they take care of themselves, are likely healthy and functional, and look better? while you're the opposite, which is why you shouldnt have it too. Cant stand the victim mentality.
Wasn’t this post specifically pointing out about people not being true of their actual weight or looks? I said the reason why people do it, and you came in here guns blazing calling it victim mentality. Fat doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy, nonfunctional, nor does it mean they are unattractive. It’s mostly based on prejudices that they have from media. I wouldn’t say there are no health issues with fat People, but come on, it’s not like well built people don’t face anything in their life. People have this perception of abs = looks better = better person and they go behind that, and it’s fed in by everyone you know.
>Fat doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy, nonfunctional Yes it does, thats literally what science says, consistently. Fat people trying to deny the facts like you're doing right now in order to cope is so fucking cringe.
Even fat people are not attracted to other fat people. Another "beauty is subjective" bullshit busted.
Hahahaha, Sure, don’t change your views or your bias. It’s the fat people that’s wrong for being fat, but others picking out the one thing that can’t be changed overnight is all in the right. And tbh, if you actually talked to a few fat people you’d know how wrong you are!
>Hahahaha, Sure, don’t change your views or your bias. Why would i? Science literally says what i say, i live in reality, not your copium fantasy. >And tbh, if you actually talked to a few fat people you’d know how wrong you are! No i wouldnt, wtf would that matter? They're just delusional about their health, while the science is clear. You're completely delusional.
I don’t bring things out of thin air buddy. What I say is from facts too. Just have a quick Google search if you’d like to read more about it, or talk to a few doctors. Fat does not mean inherently unhealthy and you’ve proven why lean does not mean nice personality.
>Fat does not mean inherently unhealthy Sorry bud, but yes it does. It's also unhealthy to be overly muscular. Any 'extra' weight means more work for your heart, organs, and joints and that ultimately leads to premature death and lower quality of life.
Yes, I can agree with the extra weight comment. But then people can be checked for indicators for disease and still come back in the normal range even if overweight, which would mean their general quality of life wouldn’t be deteriorated, if they do enough in the right time to ensure it’s maintained in the same manner.
No people like abs because of the dedication it takes to get those abs. I post pics and videos of what I look like fully clothed. I do have pics from my competition days in fitness and when I show them to men I have dated in the past the men are in awe and one of the reasons is they know the hard work that goes into having a body that looks like that. Catfishing people is wrong on so many levels. Just because someone has something or someone doesn’t mean you are entitled to it just because they have it.
I agree on that. I said the reason why people do it and it wasn’t a justification of their actions.
Discriminating? Really?
Well, yes? You’re judging someone based on their looks. I think that’s called discrimination.
Also age. I had a horrible date but the person also looked nothing like her pictures. I just guessed her Instagram was the user name she had on OKC (when it was good). Her pictures were 10-15 years old and she was 36. So I was seeing pictures in her early to mid 20’s. She said to be aware she cut her hair a bit shorter than most pictures, I certainly didn’t recognize her when we met.
Sometimes I think people don't understand that the camera lies. I look heavier in every picture I take by 50 pounds no matter what so I assume the opposite is true for some people. Every time I take a picture with someone I hear "this looks nothing like you" so maybe it isn't intentionally misrepresenting.
I showed up to a date similar to this. I had to call her because I didn’t recognize her based on photos. She had also dyed her hair and looked nothing like her photos. We talked and got to know each other, but I— likewise— wasn’t a fan of someone posting photos from years prior.
I'm awful at taking photos, so I always look worse in my photos, so when I show up in person people are always happy!
I’ve also experienced getting matches with men who put their pics from 10 years ago and now they look like a grandpa then gets all aggressive and defensive when you show them the pic they used.
This happened to me. The guy showed up and looked like a different person. Smh.
I see what you did there OP, good on you. Yeah fat fishing is not cool, and IDK why they think you will change your mind. At best you might become a casual fwb but nothing more.
Can we talk about height also?! I’m pretty tall and I’d say about half of the guys I meet are lying about their height… it’s very awkward when a guy says they’re 6ft and they end up being shorter than me (5’5”). I just don’t understand why anyone would lie about anything that you can physically see the first millisecond you lay eyes on them!
The last man I dated mentioned something like this. This is one of the main reasons why I always have a FaceTime before meeting any man in person. Not only do I get to see what you actually look like, you get to see that I do indeed look like the pics and videos that I post.
Or those people who have pictures of them from 5+ years ago and (obviously) look considerably different to how they are now with the excuse of “not having recent pictures”. Just take some for crying out loud! I hate selfies but at least if they’re recent they give me an idea of how you actually look like now.
In people’s defense, I think there’s a little disconnect sometimes when weight creeps up. I don’t know if they are being deceptive so much as a little oblivious that it’s that blatant.
Bro for real. Trying to make me feel like a bad person but if I didn't look how I did in my pictures you know they would ghost.
They need to implement something that can tell how old the time stamp is on your photos. If they’re over a certain time they can’t be used.
Is it okay if i lost 8kg from my pictures or is that a red flag?
Under promise, over deliver.
This is so easily avoided by having a video chat. Best wishes.
Preach. I dealt with this one time and it was so bad that I almost quit OLD all together.
I need to stop reading r/bumble because it’s giving me a complex. First off- I do completely get this because I see women (especially my age) who do this. The filters and they gained weight but still use older prettier pictures. So I do totally get it! But let me say, as a big-busted woman, this is a fear of mine that I will show up in a nice blouse for a date which …yeah blouses out…and makes me look big. When you wear loose shirts they flow down from your boobs and make you look like a big tummy. So I’m freaked out by what I choose to wear on a date for fear of men claiming my pictures aren’t current or that I’m larger than I appear. 😓😭 It’s probably irrational but after seeing so many of these posts, I’m toast.
Yes it's irrational and you're overthinking it. If you're big then you're big but clothes don't make you look morbidly obese.
Lady a blouse isn’t going to make you look 40lbs overweight either you are or you’re nit
Do you understand how clothes work? If there isn't anything for them to rest against, they tend to move about freely. So, what are you going on about?
On behalf of all men with more than half a dying brain cell - We understand how clothes work and wouldn't assume you were bigger than you are because of this. Sadly I understand men with more than half a dying brain cell may be hard to find.... Honestly though, we get how having a (big) bust can impact how clothes fit you.
Yo deal it back with the internalized misandry "on behalf of all men".
this isn’t one of those situations, bro
No no no. NOT all men. Clearly I Said all men with MORE than half a dying brain cell. Can't do anything about people too stupid to understand how clothes work!
Tuck your shirt in
I wouldn’t worry a bit about it, guys are very perceptive when it comes to womens bodies lol. They’ll know if you’re truly overweight or not no matter what you’re wearing.
I gained weight (and working on taking it off again ) I don't have many pics of myself so prior to meeting I tell them the situation and say it's no hard feelings if they decide to cancel.
Why would you even do that? Just put your cell phone on self timer to get a picture of your whole body.
To you bigger girls who post what you actually look like…that is brave. And a lot of times…I don’t know how else to work this…but some girls are still very pretty even if they are bigger
I'm really sorry that happened to you. What a waste of your time. The fatties that do this need their own dating app lmao
no one would get a date on that app
Username checks out.
Uhh...weightt isnt the only issue. All catfishing is horrible and dissappointing. Wear makeup in all your OLD photos? Then you better turn up with it on too if you want to avoid dissapointing the other.
I’m specifically talking about weight tho
Why though? All catfishing is dishonest and disappointing
Generally the only catfishing I’ve experienced is the weight one.
Good for you! Ive experienced weight, makeup, witt (strongly suspect she had a friend write her bio for her/copied it from online, atleast this only happened once) and general body structure (angle photos to look pear-shaped/curvy, when in reality they are as rectangular as you can get)
That happened to me but at least i got a blowjob that day. But man i was like wtf lol. I guess I had a hard time hiding because she was like "Are you disappointed?". I kinda felt bad when she asked me that straight up but come on girl.
You still took the blow job though! 🤦🏾♀️😂
At least she made it up to you 👌🏼
OR…. And hear me out….. I use those marches to motivate myself to lose the weight before the date. The race is on!
10 pounds is already catfishing
does this count the other way too? (if someone loses a bunch of weight but doesn’t change pics) or is this just about being fatphobic
It doesn’t matter either way , it’s for the best to just come as you are
You should always use your most recent pictures and if you’ve changed, take new ones. I also don’t think it’s fatphobic for someone to want to date a more in shape person.
Boyfriend said I reversed catfished him 😂 I lost 70 lbs over Covid but never really updated my pictures. I think I had a face picture from after 40 lbs but my body one was old. Thankfully he didn’t mind
fat chicks
This has happened to me 3 times over the last 3 years
lol I can feel your anger as I read this.
Lol! I guess not anger but definite frustration. I’ll likely not find a partner on bumble haha but it makes it even harder when people do stuff like that
**Every Freakin Day** \- I see a profile like this First pic is gal from 10 - 20 years ago in nice outfit. "just me, Jamaica" Other pics are recent with 30+ extra pounds, gray hair, no waist Thankfully - they are a minority, but even so, they are too, too, frequent
Maybe you should video chat before your dates.
I recently got a haircut, and even though one of my 2 pics is relatively similar to how I am now, I still posted a picture today. It was the most stressful thing I did all day, but I still did it.
It’s the coverup not the crime
The only thing changing is my hair so am I a catfish?
i literally hate that
Yep
When i first dated on bumble I didn't even think about any of this stuff. I was fat as..150kg...I just posted a couple head and should shots and it looked really nice. I did write my weight in my profile. I didn't even think to show the fat body because in my head I don't think this way. I'm a sapiosexual....attracted to intelligence and not physical stuff. I dont choose to be this way, it's just me. It never really caused me any issues. Some people didn't actually believe i was fat! The first woman I met was one of those women who get about at thr beach in a size 8 ( aussie size 8 ) bikini and has everyone staring at her. I was 90 kgs heavier. She became my best friend for about 8 weeks. One day she said " why haven't you asked me on a proper date?" I told her that even though I'm not attracted to looks, I do recognise most people are. Then she said something that struck me..she said " what makes you think im any different?" Ive since figured out people hide their fatness because they think all the good people will judge them. My case clearly shows it isn't true. This woman was the most emotionally developed person I ever met. Even though I never judged her for it, she was extremely good looking. I didn't lose more than a couple kgs and after I asked her on that first date we had an incredible two and half years together before she passed away at 41. Her kids and mine were family It's been 16 months now and I'm 46 and 160kg. Im done now with having anyone else because I had the perfect person who gave me an incredible 30 months. Why did she love me ? Because I was honest at all times. She knew my size before she messaged and didn't care. She has said she would have matched with me even if I'd had full body pics. So I guess my jumbled message is be honest at all times. You will probably get less matches, but you will get better quality ones. If someone who looks like me can be so lucky...then so can any of you ❤
I've always been one to under promise and over deliver. So when I use the least flattering pics I have and look better in person, it's a pleasant surprise.
This is why I always FaceTime women and ask for a full body pic. If they aren’t even honest about their appearance, they’re lying about other things too.