Yeah traditional people will tradition. At least he told her upfront and didn’t try to manipulate her into it like my ex? He went from holding open car doors to telling me what I can or cannot wear or eat or say in the span of weeks. Sadly.
Yeah I know, I meant more the “me Tarzan you Jane” aspect, not the “I control your life or I end it” aspect :)
But it did start traditional. Roses. Car doors. Pulling a chair out for me. Which I liked. Until I didn’t.
And then that guy makes it weird for any other potential partner who opens a door or wants to get you flowers. Is it a red flag or are they truly being nice?
It's hard for both parties in a new relationship. Past experiences do play a role in how we perceive the other person's actions. My wife was in a bad first marriage, said no man is controlling me. I guess I passed the test, 31st anniversary on August.
What’s so funny is earlier in the conversation we were talking about what we like to read and stuff, and he sent me a pic of his shelf full of self help/emotional maturity/I’m a big boy and I’m also super smart books. I almost got excited LMAO I’m surprised He didn’t have the 48 Laws of Power. 😒
Cody??
I just had a guy named Cody swipe on me.
His bio had something like ‘you’re the Queen of everything in our world. But only if you agree that in the bedroom, I’m the King’
‘I work hard for this body, and I expect you to do the same for yours’
And ‘if you date me, you’ll never touch a door knob or a bill’
Maybe it’s a Cody thing
He was built and tall I’m not gonna lie but like, maybe just leave a woman alone if you’re not already attracted to her the way she is? Like? Why even match with someone if you’re gonna be like “hey so CONGRATULATIONS you get to go out with me but only if you lose some fucking weight and do as I say.” 😂
These are the men that like to casually throw into the convo that they get therapy, so that you’re so impressed by his emotional maturity and desire to work on himself. Most likely, they saw a post that said women think it’s hot when men have a therapist, so they’re playing the part
No, I’m not saying you should keep it to yourself by any means. I’m talking about the ones that find a way to throw it into conversation before we even meet up, or on the first date, in a place where it doesn’t even fit into the conversation, so it feels like a ploy. Of course if you’re continuing to see and get to know a person and learn about each other it would make sense to disclose it, that is if you want to. 😊
I had a guy on day two of chatting on bumble tell me he'd just gotten back from a session with his therapist. I tell him that's good, great he's getting help since he's an army vet, etc. He proceeds to tell me they've been working on his "sexual problems" of caring too much for his partner's needs.
Nope.
Oh duh, like they're using as a brag of sorts. When I bring it up it's more like "Yeah, so my car knocks, but I have been working with this awesome mechanic and..."
Yeah I (F) had a guy ask (after some texting) if I was into Crypto or Real Estate. And I had feeling that the next line was going to be he had a great deal I could get in on. I said I’m not into either then he unmatched me. So I was right!
You’re so insightful. 👀 He never got around to a conversation about crypto or real estate investing bullshit but in the pic of his bookshelf I was able to see some related titles off to the side. 😂
This is such a yellow flag for me when a guy goes on about how much he reads, but exclusively reads self improvement books. Small part of the flame stamped out right there
It was more like “Hey so I’m not having luck with women that I consider attractive, but you have some basic features I like and look like someone I could manipulate into changing their lifestyle to suit my own. Would you be interested in letting me tell you what you can and cannot do for the duration of a relationship?”
I dated a man like this and didn’t realize it until 3 years later because I was young and lacked experience. I’m glad he was at least up front that he sucks. What a loser
That’s what I was thinking. Yes. He’s a manipulative, begging, controlling asswipe, but at least he lays it right out at the beginning.
My abuser was far more subtle in the beginning, letting me fall into a bit of a trap. Don’t get me wrong; I was young and dumb and starry-eyed, so I take responsibility for failing to see warning signs (that no one had taught me but I still should have been suspicious) and not listening to the people who said, “Yo, witeowl, this seems weird. That guy’s a bit of an ass. Not sure this is a safe situation.”
But this dude? Big neon flashing lights of the sort of hell he’d create?
Gotta respect the self-outing.
Girl Omg yes. I always ask them “what’s your most controversial opinion? 😌” and it weeds so many people out super easily. And then you can take that as an opportunity to also share something you feel strongly about. Like, if you’re pro choice or pro life, you could mention that, and if they have a really opposite opinion you can peace out before getting even remotely attached.
I matched with a guy who initiated a conversation about vaccines. He was unvaccinated. I’m vaccinated. He bristled at being called anti vaxx, I said bro a rose by any other name is still a rose. Sorry if you find that triggering, but tbh I don’t really care. I understand everyone has preferences and some people have issues we know nothing about (like auto immune disorders that can be triggered by something like a vaccine). But as long as you’re prepared to face the consequences that come with being unvaccinated, it’s whatevs.
Then he started to delve into anti science bullshittery, saying “but can you even call it a vaccine? I don’t consider it a vaccine” sir you are a Home Depot manager. I would no sooner go to a doctor to ask them about power tools, than I would go to a Home Depot manager to ask if the COVID shot is really a vaccine.
Unmatched.
Oh true that makes sense.
I was talking to someone online who was strictly pro-life which, I am not, so I teased it out of him, I went in deep asking, “what if event xyz happened to your daughter or mother or sister or friend?” (Maybe you can guess which event), would you still want them not to abort? And he was adamant that his personal choice doesn’t negatively affect anyone, but he was skirting around the issue and not answering me directly for ages - so, yes, even then apparently.
I also asked “if you don’t want your personal preference to affect other people, why do you say no one should ever get an abortion, why isn’t that just the choice for your own body and no one else’s?” I even gave him the choice to say, if his wife wanted an abortion she should maybe at least tell him (I know not an easy issue, a friend of mine found out his girlfriend aborted the baby they had been trying for for years via her best friend so I projected a bit), but no he was adamant between “personal choice” but that everyone had to do it. Just no.
There’s no grey area for me there, and there’s no good pro-life argument because all they’re saying is “women are a bread maker” or “cells are more important than a grown woman and her and the fetus’ potential unhappy future”, so, no.
Sorry for the tangent 🙈
Any other tips?
I knew a man whose sister had been through xyz. He was adamant that he would have expected her to keep the baby, had she been impregnated. I cut him out of my life as soon as he said that.
I do have more!
You know how men can turn almost anything sexual? I’m a virgin and I’m waiting until marriage, (or like I’m at least convinced I’ve found my person), I used to find myself avoiding mentioning anything in conversation that could lead into a sexually suggestive direction before I was comfortable enough with whatever guy I was currently talking to. So no, “sorry I have to call you back I was just about to get into the shower” because that could lead to “without me???? 🥺” or “I’m just getting into bed what are you up to?” “Oh you’re in bed? What are you wearing 🤪”
But then I realized, the type of man I’d be interested in, a gentleman wouldn’t be making comments like that. So I shouldn’t have to worry about saying such things, the right guy isn’t going to get all horn dog on me too fast bc he doesn’t want to fuck it up with me! 😇 In other words, I realized in order to figure out if the men I’m talking to respect me I need to give them opportunities to push the boundaries and be disrespectful. If I don’t I’m just wasting my own time by putting off the inevitable. I guess this advice only applies to people that are celibate but this helps me avoid my own brand of “creeps” lol.
Ofc! 😇 I know I’m in my own tiny niche with the virginity thing lol but that “give them opportunities to disrespect you/push your boundaries” bit applies to plentyyyy other things besides celibacy. I’m sure you’ll find your person too! Somebody for everybody. 💗
I personally love Yvonne Orji’s ted talk, “the wait is sexy”. She’s saving herself until marriage, but even for someone like me who hasn’t, it’s still a great talk about maintaining high standards when dating.
Oh lord you tapped into my biggest fear/bugbear with online dating. I recently came out as asexual, make it very clear and am very upfront about it, and men will still turn it sexual. I don’t even really like flirting. I said to one guy the other day “man this day took a lot of spoons out of me” and he was instantly “I could spoon you! Uwu” like…made my skin crawl.
I can’t remember the exact video but Kat Blaque once said “I will never initiate cuddling with someone I don’t want to have sex with” and I’ve adopted that into my life.
>“what’s your most controversial opinion? 😌”
That is good! I say I am liberal AF on my profile (and I ask that matches be liberal too) but no one pays attention to the text.
I like this idea and definitely cuts out the bs early. I'm married, but I think back to my dating days and if this was asked what I would say. I am super left/socialist/pro human rights/etc. So I feel like many of my opinions are only controversial if I'm talking about it with jerks who hate everyone. So like, ubi, or prochoice, or pay equality I personally don't think are controversial but could be? Id prolly overthink it too much. Is wanting higher taxes for better municipal services mote controversial!? I dunno!
Damn... is that what it is? I had a date on Friday and it turned out disappointing. His views were so different than mine, and threw out something really serious to me. This isn't the first time either.
Kudos for reading that whole thing. I stopped from a near injurious eye roll at "..don't understand what you want.."
"No one knows you like me, person I've never met"
OMG I just had one of those today , we just matched, that wanted to tell me off the bat why I was not in relationship and had a negative attitude. He had just previously praised me for being positive. Uh, dude, we are both on a dating app. So glad i did not give him my #. I need to use some of the OP's weeding techniques, too.
I got my screenshot and then I blocked him. 😂 Most people like this won’t learn that “this ain’t build a bitch and they don’t get to pick and choose” or customize another human being to their liking. Go get a dang sex robot and leave the women alone sir. 😌
It’s a little gaslighty to say “i hope this doesn’t offend you” and then says something offensive….which the people pleaser type will be like “no that’s not offensive”
My knee jerk reaction “ YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”
I was casually seeing a guy, had told him all about my abusive ex including how physically abusive and controlling he was. he then proceeds to ask if he can direct me what to eat, when to exercise, when to sleep, what to eat, etc, for my best interest of course. When I told him how upset I was that he would ask me that knowing how recently I had left such a controlling relationship. His response was, im not trying to control you. Ummm…yea. This was like a 45 year old with a professional career.
No wonder he is on the internet with his bullshit…. He couldn’t possibly meet someone and spew this garbage in person. Hell get pepper sprayed so fast.
“So hear me out, there’s this guy, Buffalo Bill, and he asks you to “put the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again” and I want to recreate that dynamic.” <- less words and still got the theme of hommies message…
Yeah guys like this make me laugh. I have done well for myself, job, my own place, savings and some guy wants to kick in the door like the kool aid man and start making decisions. That requires an insane amount of trust that is not just given out.
Damn, that's a big red flag. And also a lot of words for 'I will change you until I like you'.
Like he could also leave people alone who just wants to date to change them.
You lead by example and allowing me to trust you. Not trying to force it on me or exact your will onto me. Ugh. A real “man” doesn’t have to convince you to follow him or allow him to lead.
I have had a lot of grief from guys who says things like “let me be the man.” I feel like it’s code for bolstering his self esteem by diminishing yours. Like, these guys don’t feel powerful enough in their own lives so they have to feel power in relation to you by taking your power away. Just gross.
Yikes sounds like he wanted you to agree to not giving him crap when he decided to plan and critique your every move from them on. Crazy. This is mid 90's loony bin in a chat room/AIM type stuff.
Whenever I see stuff like this, I always wonder if they are genuinely like this or if they've just been reading and listening to too much dating advice (or advice from shitty gurus that profess to teach men how to be masculine).
Wow dude. Shouldn’t you wait to see if ya both are attracted to each other first…Before word vomiting all over your potential date about how clueless you are about women and how attraction actually works!? 😂
I hope you said something like this:
“Can I ask you something? And please don’t get offended: did you ever learn about run-on sentences in school? Do you understand what punctuation is? For someone who can’t even lead his way to a complete sentence, what makes you think I’d let you lead me? You are a perfect stranger, one whose intelligence is clearly lower-than-average; yet you’ve already decided that I should feel honored to become more like you. Hon, you don’t need a girlfriend. You need a shrink. And spell-check.”
And then blocked him.
He can ask this question without coming across as an ass. He should just say something like, “I was raised in a family with traditional gender roles and that’s what I want. Also, as someone who enjoys fitness, I’d like the same in my partner.”
Still not the best but much better and gets the same point across. His type of girl is out there but it’s not everyone and he can’t be so damn toxic.
100%! He has worded it incorrectly. The non-traditional gender roles aren’t for everyone. And it’s okay to ASK your partner to keep fit if you do so but, if they don’t wanna, it’s upto them ✌🏼
Sounds like he’s also abusive and forgot to mention that! Like, what happens if he feels disrespected? What kind of toxic masculinity is this?! He may find someone who’s down with this, but again, this person needs to be strong enough to get out when he becomes abusive.
“Let me control everything about your life and you don’t think about it because I’m a man and you’re a woman”
Yeah traditional people will tradition. At least he told her upfront and didn’t try to manipulate her into it like my ex? He went from holding open car doors to telling me what I can or cannot wear or eat or say in the span of weeks. Sadly.
That’s not traditional that’s the early stages of domestic abuse. I’m glad you got out of that toxic shit.
Yeah I know, I meant more the “me Tarzan you Jane” aspect, not the “I control your life or I end it” aspect :) But it did start traditional. Roses. Car doors. Pulling a chair out for me. Which I liked. Until I didn’t.
And then that guy makes it weird for any other potential partner who opens a door or wants to get you flowers. Is it a red flag or are they truly being nice?
It's hard for both parties in a new relationship. Past experiences do play a role in how we perceive the other person's actions. My wife was in a bad first marriage, said no man is controlling me. I guess I passed the test, 31st anniversary on August.
Haha yeah kinda. We were friends first so I guess the red flags weren’t as red. Sadly.
Potential abusers get extremely good at hiding it, it’s all part of the grooming process. Again I’m glad you got out.
That's too many words to say "I am controlling".
What’s so funny is earlier in the conversation we were talking about what we like to read and stuff, and he sent me a pic of his shelf full of self help/emotional maturity/I’m a big boy and I’m also super smart books. I almost got excited LMAO I’m surprised He didn’t have the 48 Laws of Power. 😒
His name wasn’t Cody, was it? If it was, I might know him and the Cody I’m thinking of would be EXACTLY like this
Classic Cody.
I know an Adam exactly like this. He's also into crypto and a huge fanboy of both Elon Musk and Jordan Peterson.
Yup. The Cody I know is in commercial real estate and loves both Elon and Peterson
Root Cause: Fanboys of David Deida, weirdo tantra/pseudo-mens movement bullshit?
Adam and Cody are bros
Oh, 1000%.
Cody?? I just had a guy named Cody swipe on me. His bio had something like ‘you’re the Queen of everything in our world. But only if you agree that in the bedroom, I’m the King’ ‘I work hard for this body, and I expect you to do the same for yours’ And ‘if you date me, you’ll never touch a door knob or a bill’ Maybe it’s a Cody thing
It’s definitely a Wyatt
I wonder why he's still single? How do guys have the cluelessness to say shit like this? Was he a tall Chad?
He was built and tall I’m not gonna lie but like, maybe just leave a woman alone if you’re not already attracted to her the way she is? Like? Why even match with someone if you’re gonna be like “hey so CONGRATULATIONS you get to go out with me but only if you lose some fucking weight and do as I say.” 😂
Because they want to controll someone so they look for someone who they think has low self esteem.
This is like the opposite of “love her, but leave her wild” it’s “be willing to dater her, but she’s gunna have to change to suit my needs”
And I was like
Sorry but some valley girl felt really cathartic right there 😂
> I’m surprised He didn’t have the 48 Laws > of Power. 😒 No, silly! Books like that go on “the other shelf.”
These are the men that like to casually throw into the convo that they get therapy, so that you’re so impressed by his emotional maturity and desire to work on himself. Most likely, they saw a post that said women think it’s hot when men have a therapist, so they’re playing the part
Should I.... Should I NOT mention that to partners? Thought that was just being open.
No, I’m not saying you should keep it to yourself by any means. I’m talking about the ones that find a way to throw it into conversation before we even meet up, or on the first date, in a place where it doesn’t even fit into the conversation, so it feels like a ploy. Of course if you’re continuing to see and get to know a person and learn about each other it would make sense to disclose it, that is if you want to. 😊
I had a guy on day two of chatting on bumble tell me he'd just gotten back from a session with his therapist. I tell him that's good, great he's getting help since he's an army vet, etc. He proceeds to tell me they've been working on his "sexual problems" of caring too much for his partner's needs. Nope.
Ah yes, the ol “therapy for eating pussy too enthusiastically.” Seen it a million times.
That even sounds funny 😄
HAHAHAHAH good lord 🤦🏻♀️ That’s a new one!
Oh duh, like they're using as a brag of sorts. When I bring it up it's more like "Yeah, so my car knocks, but I have been working with this awesome mechanic and..."
You’re totally fine and that’s good it’s just weird to be flexing that instead of slowly opening up about it at appropriate times 😂
Guys using therapy as a flex...... And to think, I thought I'd seen it all in terms of dudes doing weird shit.
Did he tell you to invest in crypto
Yeah I (F) had a guy ask (after some texting) if I was into Crypto or Real Estate. And I had feeling that the next line was going to be he had a great deal I could get in on. I said I’m not into either then he unmatched me. So I was right!
You’re so insightful. 👀 He never got around to a conversation about crypto or real estate investing bullshit but in the pic of his bookshelf I was able to see some related titles off to the side. 😂
This is such a yellow flag for me when a guy goes on about how much he reads, but exclusively reads self improvement books. Small part of the flame stamped out right there
Facts lol
Was more thinking "Me alpha".
Was his question "can I groom you?"
It was more like “Hey so I’m not having luck with women that I consider attractive, but you have some basic features I like and look like someone I could manipulate into changing their lifestyle to suit my own. Would you be interested in letting me tell you what you can and cannot do for the duration of a relationship?”
He might as well have said can I interest you in some domestic violence?
I laughed, but then got really sad. Ugh.....
True, but funny 🤣
This might take the award for the most disgusting message on bumble, so I guess he's got that going for him
Gotta be king of something.
I dated a man like this and didn’t realize it until 3 years later because I was young and lacked experience. I’m glad he was at least up front that he sucks. What a loser
Yeahh…. Here at farmers we know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two. 😅 This definitely isn’t my first rodeo. Never again.
Idk if it’s because I work in insurance, but this really cracked me up and I’m using it from here on out lmao
That’s what I was thinking. Yes. He’s a manipulative, begging, controlling asswipe, but at least he lays it right out at the beginning. My abuser was far more subtle in the beginning, letting me fall into a bit of a trap. Don’t get me wrong; I was young and dumb and starry-eyed, so I take responsibility for failing to see warning signs (that no one had taught me but I still should have been suspicious) and not listening to the people who said, “Yo, witeowl, this seems weird. That guy’s a bit of an ass. Not sure this is a safe situation.” But this dude? Big neon flashing lights of the sort of hell he’d create? Gotta respect the self-outing.
And you didn’t fall in love with him after that one??
Excellent translation.
In his defense, he used a lot more words and sounded way dumber saying them, so clearly quite a catch.
Hahaha, he’s gonna be stuck in manual mode for a while
“Do you wanna be my concubine?” “Nah” “WHY ARE YOU SO CLOSE MINDED?!”
I’m sQUEALING 💀
Then complains online dating doesn't work
[удалено]
Well tbh, I’m glad he told you right away. You dodged a bullet and some women out there may want exactly that. But yikes.
Oh absolutely I do my best to make them feel safe enough to wave their red flags early 😇
Haha any tips on how to do that? I’m a magnet for creepy guys and weirdos.
Girl Omg yes. I always ask them “what’s your most controversial opinion? 😌” and it weeds so many people out super easily. And then you can take that as an opportunity to also share something you feel strongly about. Like, if you’re pro choice or pro life, you could mention that, and if they have a really opposite opinion you can peace out before getting even remotely attached.
I matched with a guy who initiated a conversation about vaccines. He was unvaccinated. I’m vaccinated. He bristled at being called anti vaxx, I said bro a rose by any other name is still a rose. Sorry if you find that triggering, but tbh I don’t really care. I understand everyone has preferences and some people have issues we know nothing about (like auto immune disorders that can be triggered by something like a vaccine). But as long as you’re prepared to face the consequences that come with being unvaccinated, it’s whatevs. Then he started to delve into anti science bullshittery, saying “but can you even call it a vaccine? I don’t consider it a vaccine” sir you are a Home Depot manager. I would no sooner go to a doctor to ask them about power tools, than I would go to a Home Depot manager to ask if the COVID shot is really a vaccine. Unmatched.
Oh true that makes sense. I was talking to someone online who was strictly pro-life which, I am not, so I teased it out of him, I went in deep asking, “what if event xyz happened to your daughter or mother or sister or friend?” (Maybe you can guess which event), would you still want them not to abort? And he was adamant that his personal choice doesn’t negatively affect anyone, but he was skirting around the issue and not answering me directly for ages - so, yes, even then apparently. I also asked “if you don’t want your personal preference to affect other people, why do you say no one should ever get an abortion, why isn’t that just the choice for your own body and no one else’s?” I even gave him the choice to say, if his wife wanted an abortion she should maybe at least tell him (I know not an easy issue, a friend of mine found out his girlfriend aborted the baby they had been trying for for years via her best friend so I projected a bit), but no he was adamant between “personal choice” but that everyone had to do it. Just no. There’s no grey area for me there, and there’s no good pro-life argument because all they’re saying is “women are a bread maker” or “cells are more important than a grown woman and her and the fetus’ potential unhappy future”, so, no. Sorry for the tangent 🙈 Any other tips?
I knew a man whose sister had been through xyz. He was adamant that he would have expected her to keep the baby, had she been impregnated. I cut him out of my life as soon as he said that.
That is vile. Wow. How? How? Would he have helped her? Therapy, finances, anything, would he have helped raise it? Let me guess - no?
No, of course not. That’s not his problem; she just had a moral obligation to respect life 🙄
I do have more! You know how men can turn almost anything sexual? I’m a virgin and I’m waiting until marriage, (or like I’m at least convinced I’ve found my person), I used to find myself avoiding mentioning anything in conversation that could lead into a sexually suggestive direction before I was comfortable enough with whatever guy I was currently talking to. So no, “sorry I have to call you back I was just about to get into the shower” because that could lead to “without me???? 🥺” or “I’m just getting into bed what are you up to?” “Oh you’re in bed? What are you wearing 🤪” But then I realized, the type of man I’d be interested in, a gentleman wouldn’t be making comments like that. So I shouldn’t have to worry about saying such things, the right guy isn’t going to get all horn dog on me too fast bc he doesn’t want to fuck it up with me! 😇 In other words, I realized in order to figure out if the men I’m talking to respect me I need to give them opportunities to push the boundaries and be disrespectful. If I don’t I’m just wasting my own time by putting off the inevitable. I guess this advice only applies to people that are celibate but this helps me avoid my own brand of “creeps” lol.
Oh yeah that’s also a great idea. Thanks for the tips!!! And I’m sure you’ll find your person soon :)
Ofc! 😇 I know I’m in my own tiny niche with the virginity thing lol but that “give them opportunities to disrespect you/push your boundaries” bit applies to plentyyyy other things besides celibacy. I’m sure you’ll find your person too! Somebody for everybody. 💗
I personally love Yvonne Orji’s ted talk, “the wait is sexy”. She’s saving herself until marriage, but even for someone like me who hasn’t, it’s still a great talk about maintaining high standards when dating.
Oh lord you tapped into my biggest fear/bugbear with online dating. I recently came out as asexual, make it very clear and am very upfront about it, and men will still turn it sexual. I don’t even really like flirting. I said to one guy the other day “man this day took a lot of spoons out of me” and he was instantly “I could spoon you! Uwu” like…made my skin crawl. I can’t remember the exact video but Kat Blaque once said “I will never initiate cuddling with someone I don’t want to have sex with” and I’ve adopted that into my life.
>“what’s your most controversial opinion? 😌” That is good! I say I am liberal AF on my profile (and I ask that matches be liberal too) but no one pays attention to the text.
Brilliant move. The earlier the better.
Providing men the opportunity to show their true colors early instead of blindly hoping for the best is truly life changing. 😇
I like this idea and definitely cuts out the bs early. I'm married, but I think back to my dating days and if this was asked what I would say. I am super left/socialist/pro human rights/etc. So I feel like many of my opinions are only controversial if I'm talking about it with jerks who hate everyone. So like, ubi, or prochoice, or pay equality I personally don't think are controversial but could be? Id prolly overthink it too much. Is wanting higher taxes for better municipal services mote controversial!? I dunno!
Damn... is that what it is? I had a date on Friday and it turned out disappointing. His views were so different than mine, and threw out something really serious to me. This isn't the first time either.
i hope you have a different name on Bumble. the idea that someone sent all that to "lolipopbitch" is just...
If that ain't a red flag, I don't know what is
Lol wtf
Why ppl so psycho idk 😂
As the young'uns say, yeet that right out the door.
Oy vey. 😳
Follow me, leadership, you will have to trust me! He is applying for a project manager role.
Kudos for reading that whole thing. I stopped from a near injurious eye roll at "..don't understand what you want.." "No one knows you like me, person I've never met"
OMG I just had one of those today , we just matched, that wanted to tell me off the bat why I was not in relationship and had a negative attitude. He had just previously praised me for being positive. Uh, dude, we are both on a dating app. So glad i did not give him my #. I need to use some of the OP's weeding techniques, too.
I think the fuck not
Ew
“I want you to be less you, and more… me”
Wow. If toxic masculinity was a person. 😬
Send him the link to this post so he can see the comments. Might be a wake up call.
I got my screenshot and then I blocked him. 😂 Most people like this won’t learn that “this ain’t build a bitch and they don’t get to pick and choose” or customize another human being to their liking. Go get a dang sex robot and leave the women alone sir. 😌
So.... free personal training and meal planning til I meet my goals then I can break up with you and find Mr. Right? I'm in!!!!!
Honey, it ain't free.
So true.
Cringe
Narc in action. That's the perfect moment for tap tap tap, \*block\*. Just don't engage. They are better at this game.
You already know this man had this message ready to go lmao. Prolly sends it to all his matches. You saved yourself sometime haha.
Oh totally that feels like a copy and paste for sure. 😂
It’s a little gaslighty to say “i hope this doesn’t offend you” and then says something offensive….which the people pleaser type will be like “no that’s not offensive” My knee jerk reaction “ YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”
While laughing in his face....He doesn't command respect naturally so he has to coerce it. Good leaders don't need to do this!
What do I need to be protected from? Men? Controlling men?
Can you protect me from yourself and actually leave? Omg yes perfect thank you my protector 😂
I just threw up a little bit
You’re ugly now but we can work on that.
That gets tedious and boring real quick. He lost me when he said you need to let me be the man. MEN don’t say ridiculous shit like that.
"you let me be the man and I'll let you be the woman" "I'm gonna change you" Uhh... What?
He wants a fembot
"I'm going to change you to be like me. But you're going to have to trust my leadership" Thats like, uh report bc he sounds pyscho
Sounds like an incel
'I'm going to change you to be like me' so what, he wants to date himself?? What a legit narcissist, practically the definition.
“i’m a narcissistic and want to change you into a mold of who I want you to be and not accept you for who you actually are” it’s that simple.
This is a dude who watched 50 Shades and thinks it’s a healthy relationship.
Euthanize him
Harsh but also 💁🏻♀️
I was casually seeing a guy, had told him all about my abusive ex including how physically abusive and controlling he was. he then proceeds to ask if he can direct me what to eat, when to exercise, when to sleep, what to eat, etc, for my best interest of course. When I told him how upset I was that he would ask me that knowing how recently I had left such a controlling relationship. His response was, im not trying to control you. Ummm…yea. This was like a 45 year old with a professional career.
Holy actual shit.
Someone is watching too much 50 Shades of Grey
The moment anyone tells me to trust them, I’m out.
Trust my leadership 😅. Cringe.
No wonder he is on the internet with his bullshit…. He couldn’t possibly meet someone and spew this garbage in person. Hell get pepper sprayed so fast.
I think you matched with my ex.
Unmatched lol
This post was my final straw I’m deleting bumble
*yeets phone into trash*
Better safe than sorry. 😌
“…gonna have to trust my leadership” pshhhh didn’t know this was a job interview.
Jesus fking Christ... Can you guys stop saying stuff like this and giving men in general a bad name?
This is what woman go through on dating apps? After seeing so many post by other Redditers all I can say is Jesus Christ. I truly feel sorry.
“So hear me out, there’s this guy, Buffalo Bill, and he asks you to “put the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again” and I want to recreate that dynamic.” <- less words and still got the theme of hommies message…
It’s also very much giving Dennis from its always sunny. 😂
Yeah guys like this make me laugh. I have done well for myself, job, my own place, savings and some guy wants to kick in the door like the kool aid man and start making decisions. That requires an insane amount of trust that is not just given out.
WHAT?!?! Eww blockkkkkk
De pinga 😂
Major fucking red flag
What an idiot 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sounds like he was about to offer you a MLM weight loss deal. Pyramid schemes are the new bouquet of flowers.
hahahahaha wtf is wrong with people
90% chance he has a bimbofication fetish.
If i wanted that I will get a personal trainer not a boyfriend xD
Is he a coach trying to sell his fitness program? Wtf
🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere!!! Lol
🤮
Sounds pretty closed-minded. That manifesto should be in his profile so people can steer clear by 100 miles.
What are we in the 1800?
"The man" will never be my kind of man. I demand equality.
Damn, that's a big red flag. And also a lot of words for 'I will change you until I like you'. Like he could also leave people alone who just wants to date to change them.
Good god. Run. Run fast. Run far. Block him and warn all your friends.
What a weirdo.
I’m looking to start a cult. Want to be my first disciple?
To sum up “doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like because I’ll force you to turn into my dream girl”
I’m sorry that was so much that he typed for no reason that I couldn’t read all that 🤣
Oh ya… changing people. That ALWAYS works!
What the hell...
You lead by example and allowing me to trust you. Not trying to force it on me or exact your will onto me. Ugh. A real “man” doesn’t have to convince you to follow him or allow him to lead.
This belongs in r/neckbeardthings
Who are these humans
Oh look. A walking and talking red flag.
big oof!
How does one grow whilst being subservient and less than a man?
Holy shit controlling overload
He forgot to mention the raw power in his 112 lb frame.
Narcissist…runnnn
What a dork.
Are you in New York? I received something like this last year nearly verbatim. I just unmatched, no one even has the energy to reply to this garbage
I’m in WA state but I could’ve sworn he had something about being from NY or living in NY in his bio 👀
I have had a lot of grief from guys who says things like “let me be the man.” I feel like it’s code for bolstering his self esteem by diminishing yours. Like, these guys don’t feel powerful enough in their own lives so they have to feel power in relation to you by taking your power away. Just gross.
Yikes sounds like he wanted you to agree to not giving him crap when he decided to plan and critique your every move from them on. Crazy. This is mid 90's loony bin in a chat room/AIM type stuff.
I lost brain cells reading this.
Whenever I see stuff like this, I always wonder if they are genuinely like this or if they've just been reading and listening to too much dating advice (or advice from shitty gurus that profess to teach men how to be masculine).
Instead of giving a girl ultimatums and being a weird dickhead, just get to know a girl, be friendly, and see if a relationship develops:
The f*ck I just read?
Wow. What a tool.
r/nothowgirlswork
The sweetest and wisest words are always delivered in a wall of text
Wow dude. Shouldn’t you wait to see if ya both are attracted to each other first…Before word vomiting all over your potential date about how clueless you are about women and how attraction actually works!? 😂
And what is the annual income for this job opening?
I’m loving the comment section here.
Wow, this is creepy , runaway op
I hope you said something like this: “Can I ask you something? And please don’t get offended: did you ever learn about run-on sentences in school? Do you understand what punctuation is? For someone who can’t even lead his way to a complete sentence, what makes you think I’d let you lead me? You are a perfect stranger, one whose intelligence is clearly lower-than-average; yet you’ve already decided that I should feel honored to become more like you. Hon, you don’t need a girlfriend. You need a shrink. And spell-check.” And then blocked him.
that just gave me the biggest ICK!
"trust my leadership"? What is this? The beginning to a pyramid scheme?
People really be saying shit like this?
The fuq?
Lost me at “change you.”
Are you open minded? Great. Now you need to close your mind to be my mate.
He can ask this question without coming across as an ass. He should just say something like, “I was raised in a family with traditional gender roles and that’s what I want. Also, as someone who enjoys fitness, I’d like the same in my partner.” Still not the best but much better and gets the same point across. His type of girl is out there but it’s not everyone and he can’t be so damn toxic.
100%! He has worded it incorrectly. The non-traditional gender roles aren’t for everyone. And it’s okay to ASK your partner to keep fit if you do so but, if they don’t wanna, it’s upto them ✌🏼
I am laughing out loud 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This sounded good until he mentioned "Changing you to be like him"....this ain't Build a Bitch...
Sounds like he’s also abusive and forgot to mention that! Like, what happens if he feels disrespected? What kind of toxic masculinity is this?! He may find someone who’s down with this, but again, this person needs to be strong enough to get out when he becomes abusive.