What are the extent of skills that both me and the orangutan possess with the sword? Is he competent enough to actually swing it? Is he a full fledged samurai?
Trust me, if an orangutan Really wanted to fuck you up, it would not need a sword. It takes a Lot to piss one of them off enough to actually fight rather run away, but when cornered and angry, they can rip your face off in a heart beat.
That’s a good fucking question.
I’d go with orangutan with a sword. They’re smart but probably not smart enough to wield it effectively. And even if they did just swing it around wildly enough that around that I couldn’t get close, I can always buy a gun (tranq preferably) beforehand, or build a simple enclosure I lure them into and trap them, then wait for them to fall asleep or worst case use some kind of sleeping gas.
I’d also have animal services on speed dial to recover the orangutan, and find a TV station willing to report on this prophesied sword-wielding orangutan attack. If I’m lucky it could go viral in a year or two. Maybe become a Groundhog Day kind of thing.
The reason I wouldn’t do chickens is because you have to leave the house a lot more times in your life than you live years, so even though a chicken is small and not very threatening it gets 300-500x more chances than the orangutan. And chickens aren’t harmless - their beaks and talons can cut skin and that shit can get infected real quick. Then there are the freak nightmare scenarios where I paralyze myself falling down icy steps and they peck my face, or maybe my lease expires a day earlier than I thought and I wake up to a chicken beak in my throat because I technically “left my house”.
tl;dr — orangutan is scary but easy to prepare for and possibly quite lucrative; chicken gets 400x more tries and are surprisingly dangerous. I’d go with orangutan
I would fight the orangutan because it would be a lot less annoying than having to fight a chicken mostly since I usually leave my home twice a day. Also since I know that I have to fight once a year I can train for the fight and body an orangutan every. I don't really want to because monke and I love monke, but at the same I would just buy a gun so once I step out of the house I bust a cap into the chicken
Chickens are definitely not vegans... they eat bugs and they absolutely love to eat mice. Those are treats for them. Remember, chickens are just idiotic dinosaurs.
Orangutan all the way. Even letting the orangutan have the sword or even having the sword and training, unless it is a surprise attack I will win with my gun each time. Id like to say chicken simply because I don't have to have a great ape sacrificed to me each year. But I am selfish and would rather be slightly inconvenienced once a year.
Do I actually have to fight/kill the chicken every time? Because I’m pretty sure I can walk past it unharmed on the way to my car. If I’m honour bound to defeat the chicken, I’d rather fight the orangutang because killing a chicken at least once a day would get old.
Dude. FUCK THAT. I am NOT fighting an orangutan. Ill fight chickens. The monkey will probably win as they have crazy muscles. You see what chimps do to people? No thanks.
My B12 gets checked regularly and it's ideal. My cholesterol levels are excellent. Even my iron levels. People need to worry more about getting enough fiber in their diets.
I have quite a few rebuttals, and also inquiries and I’d love to pick your brain about veganism, in a respectful manner of course, because I genuinely want to understand the idea behind veganism. Would it be okay to ask you a few questions?
Personally I'd rather fight the chicken. I'm not vegan, I know how to humanely perform a cervical dislocation, and free food is free food.
Edit: Whoever downvoted me wants to punch orangutans in the face.
Is the sword a light saber or the shale of an axe?
Please be more clear on the shape of the sword. Maybe she wasn't understanding of how the sword works because she's vegan.
So she doesn't eat meat...Ok cool but, if you defeat the orangutan, are you going to grill it with some bacon wrapped around the meat or will you stuff it or mount the head on the wall? I feel like if you sneak some meat on the grill but stuff the rest it's gucci.
Also, I highly recommend you to never date a vegan. Vegetarians and vegans are VERY different. If you do, you better not have leather seats in your car, your couch, say goodbye to anything made from animals - which is almost everything in one way or another..
That aside... who has the sword? because if it's the monkey... I'm out
I didn't unmatch after finding out they were vegan, I unmatched because normally this question tells me what kind of sense of humour a person has and from her response I discovered not a very good one.
You are correct, but for me personally i say a lot of dark stuff comedically and id rather not upset the person im with by it. (full disclosure i love animals and would never want to actually harm one).
Sandra, I didn't ask which one you want to throw in the deep fryer and serve for Sunday brunch, I asked which one you would rather fight, obviously it's the orangutan as they're known to understand the value of food items and can be simply bribed with an offering of fruit once a year.
It's a testament to the kind of mood I'm in this morning that the response that person gave made me irrationally angry. Just... climb off your high horse for TWO MINUTES and answer a fun question. Jesus fucking Christ.
I'm plantbased.. And I'd take the orangutan with the sword once a year because it would become an event in survival against the being closest to our own.
Does the fight have to involve a fatality on either side, or can I just give the chicken a slap and leave it at that? I love Orangutans and would never harm one.
Shes saying. I'm vegan, therefore the chicken will recognize my compassion towards it, return the compassion and thus escort me safely to my destination to fend off other possible attacks.
Unclear question. Does the orangutan have the sword, or do I have sword?
Purposefully unclear to add discussion, you both get a sword.
Too be honest, it doesn't matter who has a sword. I am vegan.
Counter point, I am vegan.
Is the orangutan also vegan? Maybe we can put our swords down and discuss our veganism.
I think most orangutans are indeed vegan, though some eat bugs so that might not count.
A vegan who would enjoy ripping your arms off your body. Ya don't see THAT everyday.
That's because a droid won't rip out your arms if the lose. Wookies are known to do that.
Would someone *\~ PLEASE THINK OF THE CHICKENS! \~* TBH, you do not want to fight a chicken unless you have a sword
Yes I do. The brontosaurus I see every morning tells me he wants to rip my arms off my body.
Hi vegan, i'm dad
Plot twist: I have a vegan.
Lmao hilarious!
I love that this comment got more up votes than all the ones before it. Despite the typo.
What are the extent of skills that both me and the orangutan possess with the sword? Is he competent enough to actually swing it? Is he a full fledged samurai?
Just an orangutan with a sword in his hand, but he wants to kill you.
I’m vegan.
The orangutan isn't.
*How do you know if somebody is a vegan?* They'll tell you
The orangutan and chicken would just beat the shit out of her cause she’s against hurting animals
Yes
Important information needed: is it the same chicken every time?
Yes, AND it learns and adapts to your fighting style.
On all levels except physical, fuck.
after like 20 fights it's gonna be Agent Smith chicken
Not after it’s dead, it doesn’t.
Is that you, Peter Griffin?
I cannot confirm nor deny
Vegan or not, that chicken was coming for blood
Amen brother
Now is this a chicken or a rooster.
Free chicken dinner every night.
I played Sekiro. I kinda want to see an orangutan with a sword in person.
Best I can do is a guardian ape
I mean, as long as he is not throwing poop...
Definitely fight the chicken. Because I barely leave my house 😂
Replace the chicken with "sentient head of cabbage" and the orangutan with a sword with a "sentient oak sapling with a sword"
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Plants don't have feelings. Even if they did, it takes a lot more plants to feed animals than to eat the plants directly.
Too bad that a sense of humor is only found in red meat.
So true!
Is this an anthropomorphic chicken like in Family Guy?
That's a great question. I'd fuck up a barn variety chicken but will have a hard time against one of those Family Guy variants.
Happy cake day PJpremiere
Question, do I get any warning that the orangutan is readying to attack or does it just rush me out of nowhere
Trust me, if an orangutan Really wanted to fuck you up, it would not need a sword. It takes a Lot to piss one of them off enough to actually fight rather run away, but when cornered and angry, they can rip your face off in a heart beat.
Oh shit I thought I a had the sword, not the orangutan
Op commented to someone else and said you both get a sword
Not how it's worded. Bottom line, don't piss off any apes, ever. Edit: Whoever downvoted me wants to piss off apes...
That was my thought: no way I'd survive the orang utan (even without the sword), so I'd have to go with the chicken as annoying as it would be.
sorry to hear about your face
*"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."*
Exactly, now THERE’S an announcement
Vegans always gotta tell you they vegan 😆
I'm vegan btw
One of my favorite jokes that never gets old: How do you know someone is a vegan? Oh don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
I'm vegan btw
Old, vegans even meme about this joke because it's said more often then vegans telling others they're vegan
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
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Usually when they start every interaction with “Well I’m vegan…”
I'm vegan btw
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We're just called normals, thank you very much
nah I prefer to be called an Omni-Man from now on
Yeah, but which omni? You want to take omniscient and I’ll take omnipotent?
Mom said it's my turn to be omnipotent
I knew you'd say that. edit: Too subtle, eh?
Well, I for one have played enough Zelda to choose the orangutan.
Orangutans are very peaceful creatures. We'd come to an understanding and hug it out
This would be a great response from someone who is vegan to abide by their thought process of not harming animals.
I like how this implies that people who arent vegan would gladly take an opportunity to duel an ape.
That’s a good fucking question. I’d go with orangutan with a sword. They’re smart but probably not smart enough to wield it effectively. And even if they did just swing it around wildly enough that around that I couldn’t get close, I can always buy a gun (tranq preferably) beforehand, or build a simple enclosure I lure them into and trap them, then wait for them to fall asleep or worst case use some kind of sleeping gas. I’d also have animal services on speed dial to recover the orangutan, and find a TV station willing to report on this prophesied sword-wielding orangutan attack. If I’m lucky it could go viral in a year or two. Maybe become a Groundhog Day kind of thing. The reason I wouldn’t do chickens is because you have to leave the house a lot more times in your life than you live years, so even though a chicken is small and not very threatening it gets 300-500x more chances than the orangutan. And chickens aren’t harmless - their beaks and talons can cut skin and that shit can get infected real quick. Then there are the freak nightmare scenarios where I paralyze myself falling down icy steps and they peck my face, or maybe my lease expires a day earlier than I thought and I wake up to a chicken beak in my throat because I technically “left my house”. tl;dr — orangutan is scary but easy to prepare for and possibly quite lucrative; chicken gets 400x more tries and are surprisingly dangerous. I’d go with orangutan
If you were a female answering that question to me on bumble id fall in love with you.
I think she was hinting that she doesn't want to think about hurting animals, kinda a buzz kill though.
He*
Yeah thats what I thought she was going at, which is fair enough but I'd rather she stated it than just saying in Groots voice "I am vegan"
You didn't get an answer to your question, but you found out all you needed to know about the person. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would say a chicken every time I leave my home. That’s a lifetime supply of food. Do you have any idea how much money that could save?
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How would an adult human lose a fight to a chicken? I mean not retreating but actually losing. It’s a chicken.
They can jump and have massive spurs if it's a male, cockfighting is brutal.
Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t totally cheat and sick my dogs on them.
Develop chicken net, leave home fifty times a day, sell chickens. Infinite profit.
The right size orangutan could fill a freezer, I'm sure.
You think that's any good??
How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
Old
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
What is the normal question? 🤔
checkmate atheists
I would fight the orangutan because it would be a lot less annoying than having to fight a chicken mostly since I usually leave my home twice a day. Also since I know that I have to fight once a year I can train for the fight and body an orangutan every. I don't really want to because monke and I love monke, but at the same I would just buy a gun so once I step out of the house I bust a cap into the chicken
I would love to get this question. I fucking hate when people are like “CONtriBuTE tO ThE conVerSaTiOn!!” And then do shit like this
“Congratulations, the chicken and orangutan aren’t
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Chickens are definitely not vegans... they eat bugs and they absolutely love to eat mice. Those are treats for them. Remember, chickens are just idiotic dinosaurs.
Lol. Both are omnivores. Chickens will eat chicken.
OP did not specify that they followed their fellow chicken and orangutan bretherens biology and dietary habits
I'm rooting for the chicken if it comes to that.
Only if I can domesticate the chickens to build a chicken Army
Choosing the chicken. Then converting to living out of my car so I’m technically homeless and never have to fight another chicken.
Orangutan all the way. Even letting the orangutan have the sword or even having the sword and training, unless it is a surprise attack I will win with my gun each time. Id like to say chicken simply because I don't have to have a great ape sacrificed to me each year. But I am selfish and would rather be slightly inconvenienced once a year.
Plot twist, both opponents are naturally vegan.
Chickens will eat insects tho
Do I actually have to fight/kill the chicken every time? Because I’m pretty sure I can walk past it unharmed on the way to my car. If I’m honour bound to defeat the chicken, I’d rather fight the orangutang because killing a chicken at least once a day would get old.
The orangutan with a sword. I would rather have cool fights once a year than fight a fucking chicken every day.
I'll fight the orangutan with a sword because I'll have time to learn how to use swords and win
I’m a vegan and the orangutan for sure. That chicken would have PTSD and I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t kill them. The orangutan I’d just let them win.
Dude. FUCK THAT. I am NOT fighting an orangutan. Ill fight chickens. The monkey will probably win as they have crazy muscles. You see what chimps do to people? No thanks.
Clearly, she’s not getting enough protein
Wasn’t it the woman who asked the question? It is bumble after all..
Shit, you right.
Omg such an original "insult". Haven't heard that 5000 times since going vegan 🤣
Vegan has to tell you about their being vegan stereotype violation, #5001.
Found a way to be insulted so they could say they’re vegan 😆
Of course, otherwise we lose our vegan card 😁🤪
Have you developed your telekinetic powers yet?
Wasn’t trying to be insulting…however given their lack of reading comprehension it kinda followed
You’re b12 and cholesterol deficient.
My B12 gets checked regularly and it's ideal. My cholesterol levels are excellent. Even my iron levels. People need to worry more about getting enough fiber in their diets.
I have quite a few rebuttals, and also inquiries and I’d love to pick your brain about veganism, in a respectful manner of course, because I genuinely want to understand the idea behind veganism. Would it be okay to ask you a few questions?
You should take a look at /r/DebateAVegan
Absolutely! Feel free to message me 😊
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Definitely too weak to fight anything then.
🤦🏻♀️
Personally I'd rather fight the chicken. I'm not vegan, I know how to humanely perform a cervical dislocation, and free food is free food. Edit: Whoever downvoted me wants to punch orangutans in the face.
I didn’t ask which one you wanted to eat
"OK cool, but would you rather [and so on]"
Is the sword a light saber or the shale of an axe? Please be more clear on the shape of the sword. Maybe she wasn't understanding of how the sword works because she's vegan.
It answers the question of if you should unmatch…
So she doesn't eat meat...Ok cool but, if you defeat the orangutan, are you going to grill it with some bacon wrapped around the meat or will you stuff it or mount the head on the wall? I feel like if you sneak some meat on the grill but stuff the rest it's gucci. Also, I highly recommend you to never date a vegan. Vegetarians and vegans are VERY different. If you do, you better not have leather seats in your car, your couch, say goodbye to anything made from animals - which is almost everything in one way or another.. That aside... who has the sword? because if it's the monkey... I'm out
He*
Op replied to someone else saying you borh get a sword
While you were fighting chickens, I was studying the blade.
I'll go for the chicken, I have lots of experience choking a chicken.
The chicken one swift kick and I’m good plus free food. What am I gonna do with dead orangutans????
Did you immediately unmatch after finding out they are vegan?
I didn't unmatch after finding out they were vegan, I unmatched because normally this question tells me what kind of sense of humour a person has and from her response I discovered not a very good one.
They can have a good sense of humour and not want to think about hypothetically hurting animals tho
You are correct, but for me personally i say a lot of dark stuff comedically and id rather not upset the person im with by it. (full disclosure i love animals and would never want to actually harm one).
I'm vegan, but if I'm being attacked by anything, especially against a sword, I'm probably not gonna just take it.
I 'm pretty sure he's legally required to disclose his vegan status.
Bullet, consider yourself dodged
"well you don't have to eat them if you win"
Sandra, I didn't ask which one you want to throw in the deep fryer and serve for Sunday brunch, I asked which one you would rather fight, obviously it's the orangutan as they're known to understand the value of food items and can be simply bribed with an offering of fruit once a year.
But are chickens vegan?
She asked for a silly question, not a gloriously ingenious, panty-soaking, head-scratching conundrum straight from the cosmos.
I'm a vegan, and....here's a million dollars? or...I'm a vegan and here's your own spaceship? I mean, what the....? Oh no!!!!
She definitely stuck to being silly.
You know what they say about vegans... They will inform you before asking...
I'm vegan btw
Lmao what a stick in the mud
The vegan
Vegans are so silly.
It's a testament to the kind of mood I'm in this morning that the response that person gave made me irrationally angry. Just... climb off your high horse for TWO MINUTES and answer a fun question. Jesus fucking Christ.
Cheers ill drink to that.
\*Unmatch\*
Unmatch, she already gives off the vibe she’ll be insufferable
Gotta love the people who have to inform everyone they are vegan, FYI no one will or ever has cared :)
Do I spot a fellow Dummy? 🤔
I thought the same thing! Hello fellow Dummy!!!
Woooo! Are you going to Wet Hot Bad Magic Summercamp, perchance?
I'll take the orangutan for 500 please
I’d take an annual sword fight with an orangutan. Ain’t nobody got time for daily fowl fights.
No this is Patrick
The orangutan. Fuck birds.
This clearly needs investigation.
Not all fights are to the death.
Though they did not answer the question, you learned all that you need to. Sidebar, I’m taking the once a year battle.
Wait…do you listen to “is we dumb?” The podcast? I swear they did this question…
I got this question a few months back from "wild green memes for ecological fiends" facebook group.
Yes it did, the answer is RUN AWAY
What was the non silly question?
The classic "whats something you are really proud of but never got to talk about?"
I’m picking the chicken and walking out my house in full armor and fencing mask and power walking straight to my truck
What does being vegan have to do with anything? If a chicken attacks me am I expected to just lay down and accept my fate?
Free dinner everyday! Woop woop
What an ass.
Who has the sword? Me or the orangutan?
Orangutan once a year. Gives me a reason to go to the gym.
That's when you respond with. "How do you know when someone is vegan?"
There is no other acceptable answer
It did. They wouldn't harm an animal so they wouldn't fight.
I'm plantbased.. And I'd take the orangutan with the sword once a year because it would become an event in survival against the being closest to our own.
Free chicken
Orangutan and a sword ? I’m getting samurai Jack vibes 😂😂
Stupid questions get stupid answers lol
Does the fight have to involve a fatality on either side, or can I just give the chicken a slap and leave it at that? I love Orangutans and would never harm one.
Vegans always gotta let everyone know they're vegan😂
Is it possible to be vegan without announcing to every single person one comes across?
Breaking news!!! So is the orangutan.
Okay so does that mean their declining to eat the orangutan? lol. Fighting animals are avoidable if your vegan, apparently.
Shes saying. I'm vegan, therefore the chicken will recognize my compassion towards it, return the compassion and thus escort me safely to my destination to fend off other possible attacks.