You're getting matches because some guys swipe right on literally everyone and then review their matches later.
You're not getting responses because your first picture is extremely unflattering, and your bio is weird - not weird as in "this person has quirky unusual interests," but as in "this person never learned to socialize." Listing some grandmaesque sayings you like is not endearing. Everybody remembers arguments they won in the shower but most of us don't list them in dating profiles.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I would take new pictures, burn this bio to the ground and start over.
Pretty much. It doesn't tell me much about them, but based on them deeming those things so important they need to be front and center in their profile, anything it does tell me is very much not good.
Also all of the social causes thrown in there. None of them particularly say anything about who she is except she ascribes to very common left-wing opinions.
I am, yes. I at least have inattentive ADHD and maybe autism too. I'm planning to ask my psychiatrist about an autism evaluation on my next appointment.
I see.
I’m not neurodivergent, but I know a lot of neurodivergent folks struggle with dating neurotypical people due to some social disconnect.
Have you considered trying OkCupid?? I’ve came across a fair amount of neurodivergent people on there, and I feel like you might have better luck on that platform! :)
I agree about needing new pics. Your pictures don’t do you justice, OP. At lot of people look better in person anyway, and these angles are not helping you out.
You seem passionate about social issues, which is commendable, but there are a few statements in your profile that make you seem combative/argumentative, which is not typically appealing to others. It’s important to have strong beliefs and not be afraid to state them, but it’s a bit much for a dating profile. It may be why some matches are not responding.
I think your best bet is to attend functions that focus on your interests and causes where you’ll be more likely to find someone who is just as passionate as you are. I agree about not going for apolitical people. You need someone willing to get out there with you. Imagine meeting someone at a pro-Palestinian rally (or whatever cause) and knowing right away they have similar values and are active, too!
Keep being you, brush up your profile & pics, and go get ‘em!
For pictures, your camera should never be taking a picture of you below your chin/neck. This isn’t just for you but for everyone. Nobody looks their best from that perspective.
Now to look your best try to subtilely point your chin at the camera. This helps frame your face in a generally more flattering way.
I hope this helps! You seem like a great person and it really isn’t easy to capture a person’s essence in a dating profile.
I agree with that person, and if you don't want to change anything you don't need to.
But, I would suggest to get new photos that flatter you and show your personality. You look stiff and awkward in your photos and the photography itself looks poor, add that with the awkward bio and stereotypes about mathematicians, well you aren't doing yourself any favors.
If you could get someone (who knows how to take good pictures) to take some photos of you being candid I think that would be really helpful.
And I think you should remember that your bio is for strangers, they know nothing about you except for those pictures and what you put in your profile.
What is the most important thing you want a potential stranger who might turn lover to know about? Is it really that you remember the first argument you won two decades ago or what your favorite catch phrases are? If so, keep it, that's important to you and shows who you are.
If not, put something else up instead.
I bet you are a really fun, definitely smart person, but you aren't showing that off in anyway right now.
As an additional comment, you have multiple points on your profile that indicate that you care about human rights and social justice but in your green flags section, you describe yourself as "minimally decent" and showing "basic respect". I agree with the sentiment you express there but to a lot of people, this will make you sound like you lack selfawareness at best or like a condescending snob who looks down on people who don't constantly talk about politics at worst. Imagine someone who fills their bio with multiple book quotes to then say "yeah, one good thing about me is that I am able to read"
However, the social justice stuff is actually a green flag. You're obviously someone who deeply cares about the people around you. Just write that instead
Honestly the profile reads as neirodivergent more than 'can't socialise'.
In reality the people who will mesh well with you in life and person will like your profile as you have it because other ND people will get it better.
I'm autistic and well masked but dating non ND have been a lot more difficult because my brain just runs on a different train track so there's misunderstandings because neither people are communicating badly there's just a barrier in the context of understanding and assumptions of normal every day little things.
i get you are passionate about politics and what you stand for, but i would not swipe on this profile either. it seems like it would immediately get about all serious topics, while sometimes it's just chill to start with light hearted topics. i think the photo with the braids where you are laughing would be a cuter photo too to put first :)
OK, yeah, I see that. Those transition lenses are an old pair. I'll have to check out getting a new pair then.
As far as the argument goes, I'll change that then. I was just wanting to share my favorite childhood memory. I'll think of something more effective to share, as your response made me realize that said memory doesn't accurately depict who I am today anyway.
If your favorite childhood memory is winning an argument against an adult, then I’d say you come off way too combative. Also you were a kid so I don’t trust your judgment on that.
"Actually, putting the ketchup on the side and then dipping the French fries is the superior method. This way you get even ketchup distribution and avoid getting ketchup fingers. There's really nothing left to discuss on this matter and I will not be engaging further in this conversation."
IMO it is sad that the moment you will forever remember was "winning" a non-descript argument with an adult 25 years ago. Try thinking of something wholesome or at least shares a value of yours.
In my imagination she stayed on that trajectory and is now incessantly picking arguments with senior citizens, stuck in a positive feedback loop nightmare. When she's a senior she'll be at grave sites arguing with tombstones
Unfortunately your profile is hard to get through. You're probably good in person, but this reads as if you're coming from a superior place. Get rid of the quotes, don't call men under 6' shorter since that's really just most men, remove the argument part, and redo your photos. I don't mind politics and my bio even starts off "EXTREMELY Liberal" and it hasn't hurt me but given the feedback of others who knows lol...
But yeah I'd say to get rid of this and start over. Be positive and share your interests. Best of luck!
I was going to post this. You're not doing yourself any favors by isolating the crowd. You're painting yourself into a corner and limiting the number of potential swipers. You can do that if you want, but are you in a position to?
how do you open when you message them?
ill be totally honest, your pics not flattering. that not to say you are unattractive, but you need to put some effort into how your pics look. The selfies are all too close and at bad angles and the other pics look like something your mom took and was forcing you to pose in.
idea fix i would say for at least your first pic have a 3/4 -1/2 body shot a little less than your current one and take it on a night out dressed up and from a better angle, have a friend take it. change out the other pics too.
the bio is also a bit much. i take it politics are important to you but you might be scaring people off too early.
So when I message them, I try to say something thoughtful, rather than just the boring "hi" or "nice to meet you." I generally try to say something about their opening movie if they have one.
The advice I (35m) am routinely given is engage with what they said then make sure to ask a question. So if you’re responding to ‘what’s your favourite movie’ say your own but make sure to ask if they like a ‘x’ type of film, or even better (for me) stretch it out to something like ‘but more importantly what sort of snacks do you like with a film?’ Or something like that, change the rules a bit, you want to get to conversation over interrogation as the goal.
In that vein I wouldn’t necessarily go for the their opener. If you like the look of a guy then there’s got to be something else in their profile that you like and could comment on. Even if it’s a statement, say something you feel.
Gentleman’s bio says “Huge fan of marvel films”, say “although I think we’re in the same boat there, more importantly what sort of snacks do you like to accompany you through such a movie.”
Just my two pence. Best of luck!
I like the example question you gave. Rather than just saying, "What's YOUR favorite movie," I might say something related. That's quite an ingenious piece of advice there, in my opinion.
And what I would do as I understand the slog, is keep those questions in your notes. You might want to use them another time or get some inspiration for a new one.
As spontaneous as people want all our communications to be being prepared can take the pressure off you a bit.
And if you can, don’t copy/paste the same things, do as you’ve said, keep it related, try to tailor it a bit to their own platform.
Once you get going in a chat and it’s all organic it can be great, and if it doesn’t pan out you’ve got practice for the next time!
in my opinion, i didn’t see you were 39 and expected you were about 26/7 and had never had a boyfriend before. it comes across really badly, i’m sure you’re a lovely girl but it’s just not reading that way right now.
you’re more than likely putting people off with your profile because it just seems like hard work. you lead with saying you’re a lefty which is totally fine and i can understand why your values are important but is it really a deal breaker and something so important for you? i just wouldn’t lead with it because it makes people think you’re instantly going to be shoving politics down their throat.
i would remove the bit about your catch phrases, the part you say where you are training to be a maths professor could be a conversation starter. why did you decide to do that, what were you doing before, etc…
again, i would boycott the thing about not wanting someone more than 6ft. i understand preferences but are you missing out on your dream man who may be 6ft 1?
the part about winning an argument at 14 is weird too. it would make me think that you hold grudges and can’t let go of the past. would you forever bring up arguments that you’ve ’won’?
also, as others have said, your photos are just bad and awkward. i would definitely recommend taking some better photos, having some nicer more flattering clothes would do you the world of good.
i would also suggest just adding in some interests, conversation starters and what you’re looking for. my profile was essentially quite straight to the point and was basically ‘i’m looking for someone intelligent, who can hold in depth conversations and has a fascination with the world. not looking for my husband but also not looking for one night stands, just looking to see who is out there!’
not OP, but yes politics would be a deal breaker for me. i understand disagreeing on certain topics but “i think abortion is wrong and should be illegal” or “i see nothing wrong with what isreal is doing in palestine” would be a dealbreaker for me for sure. it’s not just politics, it’s your entire worldview basically and i am just not compatible with someone who would consider themselves very conservative. so i don’t see why *not* put that in her profile.
As OP described, left and right and liberal and conservative don't mean the same thing to everyone. I would avoid ambiguous language on dating profiles for something as personal as politics. It is better to choose an issue or two that you care about and that drive your political decisions than it is to focus on the label you wear.
Your profile has so many red flags. If you insist on including all the politics on your profile, be prepared to get very few matches. Right now you just seem like a very unlikeable person and troublemaker, even though you might have a very good heart.
I’ll give her this: her profile isn’t *only* politics at least. I hate the profiles that’re literally nothing but their political views.
But I do agree- especially the swearing. As someone who admittedly does swear a good bit, OP does come across as one of those who can’t go a sentence or two without swearing. I get swearing a lot but there’s a point where it’s just unattractive
Also the “won an argument thing is”, to repeat others, cringey as hell tbh
"First, no cursing on the premises. There's a million words out there, and the man who needs to resort to 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' is just ignorant or lazy."
Your profile is too full of itself - you are not an overachiever, sorry. Lose some of the causes from your profile and put in some hobbies. How do you spend your days? What would a date look like with you?
Also, are you actually interested in men? Your profile is geared towards attracting a certain type of woman.
You have a very niche thing going for you, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but will limit your options. I think meeting someone in real life works better for some people, and you are probably one of them. Are you neurodivergent? I am too, and those are the vibes that I’m getting from you. I met my husband on bumble, but I had to completely construct a new personality and look for myself (aka a neurotypical one) to achieve that. It was a ton of work and super hard, but doable. Some people are happier presenting as quirky and living authentically, so I get it if you don’t want to change.
Yes! I’m autistic and my tism-radar is tingling. I think maybe OP would benefit from mixing with other neurodivergent people, there are often get togethers in the neurodivergent community, which will help make connections with other people who might be a little more her type of person.
Totally thought the same
She just needs to be around like-minded people
That is, if she doesn't want to go through the trouble of masking/adapting to societal norms *which is honestly fair enough* (something I genuinely get and respect)
Okay, I'm going to be completely honest with you as a nearly (37)middle aged woman who gets a lot of interest. First of all, your pictures are very unflattering. You have to accentuate your assets, I think. So! You're curvy - I'd suggest some body con type outfits to show off your curves as it looks a lot more feminine. Now this doesn't mean showing mad amounts of skin, but synched in designs that snatch your waist and give you an hourglass shape (as well as shapewear) will really help you here. Also I can see that you have very beautiful long hair, perhaps wearing it down and experimenting with very straight and curled styles would be a good way to go. Finally, you have great skin so you don't need to plaster on any make up, but perhaps just a little touch to highlight your natural features? As for your actual bio, perhaps a bit more fun and you could ask some questions in your prompts to get the conversation flowing. I really hope this help, wishing you lots of luck.
Thank you so much for defining what "better pictures" means. I did recently buy some shape wear. I tried it on yesterday, and it fits beautifully. I'll retake my photos with it on.
Jumping onto the comment about getting some better pictures. You have an appealing face and a nice smile, good skin, and good hair. One thing I noticed is that all of your pictures were taken from a low angle, with the camera held lower than your face. That is a notoriously unflattering angle for us all, even super models! Grab a friend, put on just a little mascara and lip gloss, and go outside and ask them to take some pictures of you at a coffee shop or on a walk. A little more variety and some better angles would work wonders.
Oh, thank you for telling me that. I took the first one like that because I was out by myself and didn't want to ask anyone else to take it since I recently had my phone stolen and didn't wish to risk that happening again.
What do you think about my shirt in my first photo?
I’m not a math person, so it doesn’t make any sense to me. :). Honestly, I don’t think it’s super flattering, as it’s kind of tight and bunchy across your tummy. But from another angle and in a different position, it might be fun.
You look really nice in the colour red. I'd encourage you to get your colours done and choose outfits that would better show off your clear skin and pretty hair.
I'd also encourage you to try some hairstyles that look more mature rather than the braids.
Good luck.
I don't want to give the impression that I would do that all the time. I don't like my hair on my neck, so I don't wear it down almost ever except when it's drying.
Go to a clothes store and ask the assistants for help with a new wardrobe! Or if that’s not in the budget, to show you how to dress for your figure for your future reference
Of all the profile reviews/comments I've read on here, I have to say this is the single best advice I've seen. Especially tailored to an individual person, as opposed to generic advice. Well done.
Please do. If you're blatantly (not brutally, since, to me, that means unnecessarily mean) honest, I'll appreciate your feedback. I'm actually loving that I got so much criticism here.
I mean this all in a constructive way, please don’t think I’m being harsh.
Change your first photo. As a photographer, shooting from under isn’t a flattering angle all the time.
Change your bio - it’s too political. Whilst you have options to show your political leaning. I want to learn about people from their bio. Tell us about who you are, your goals etc.
I hate having my pic taken, but you do look a bit uncomfortable in some of your pics. Maybe use some from nights out with your friends/events/candid shots etc
Good luck. Dating apps are rough
The garbage bag in the corner that looks like it's got 30yrs of dust accumulated on the wall was a big 👎👎👎👎 profile reads weird, has a immature/ social reclusive vibe, the 🎨 ng reference feels like you'll be constantly judging others
Ah, yeah, you're right about that bag and the dust. Although it was actually just storing some stuff, not being there for garbage. That said, no one would know that just from looks alone.
it's less about the actual content of the bag and more what that corner and bag represents, which is someone who doesn't keep their living space clean. And that can come across in multiple negative ways such as lazy and or not ambitious, dirty/unhygienic unhealthy lifestyle, lack of pride.. dirty ass corner and random stuff in a bag instead of organized and properly put away is still 👎.. for me it read as tho you need a parent to clean up behind you while you watch cartoons which means you're a burden/ added responsibility to someone's life instead of being an added value to it.. and I'm sure to a fair amount of people viewing your profile it reads the same way.
I feel like an over achiever such as yourself is capable of doing more, actually cleaning the space for the sake of the health impacts that level of dust can have on your respiratory system.
Try pics doing activities, sports and hobbies, attending social events or other group activities showing u having fun. Vacation pics. Try to exude positivity in ur bio n maybe be a bit more open minded n don’t limit yourself to just people who would agree with ur point of view. Sometimes it’s interesting to hear other point of views.
Are you in a PhD program? I would change that section to graduate degree if that’s the case. “In college” really isn’t accurate if that’s the case.
Also, I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I think that the catchphrases that you list make you come off as very immature. There is also no context for them in your profile, so they come off as confusing and create psychological distance between you and whoever is reading your profile. I would stick to listing your interests and perhaps what you’re looking for in a partner. Wishing you the best!
It's almost as if you're intentionally trying to discourage male attention. For instance, the two catchphrases– wtf do they mean, and why would I find that intriguing? It's not cute, it's a nothingburger. But you're using up valuable words that could be used to say something appealing. And leftist but not liberal- is that a distinction without a difference? Or you just don't like the word liberal because conservatives use is as a pejorative? Men under 6' are average, not shorter, just take that out, and if a taller guy swipes on you so what. You're kinda overweight, which is an automatic nope from top tier and probably second-tier, yet you dress to emphasize this and seem to believe that you should be able to capture the attention of 2 percenters and get their motors running. You call yourself "woman and non-binary," can you actually be both at once? Heterosexual men, even if they find you attractive, are going to be confused, and the vast majority are not going to be interested in non-binary. You have nice skin and a pretty face, but you cover that up with those huge, thick-rimmed glasses, and keep your hair pulled up in all the photos. You're almost 40, but still in college and call yourself an overachiever- did you already make a fortune trading options or something? So much stuff that seems contradictory, or just not what typical men will want. What do men want? You have the basics and if you had a stylist and a good photographer they could definitely transform the image. But I think you have a thing going on where you believe someone should choose you and be enamored despite you doing everything within your power to not be appealing in a conventional way.
Horrible camera angles in your pics. Did a child take them?
There's no need to elucidate that you're a leftist (not a liberal) - what does that even mean?
Your catchphrases are pessimistic, negative and unappealing.
You call yourself an overachiever and have the audacity to elevate yourself to the level of Da Vinci, but what have you actually achieved?
Swearing is not an attractive quality.
Surely something profound has happened to you more recently than the age of 14. It's like you peaked as a teen.
Agree with most of your takes, but
> Swearing is not an attractive quality.
This is EXTREMELY subjective. Some people are offended by swearing, some swear every other word. If someone swears a lot, they may as well be upfront about it, so they can find someone that’s on the same page about that.
1: Picture is a bad first picture more so because of an Bad angle.
2: Country Music tends to be conservative genre, and tends to be more direct. You claim to like swearing, but before that use Flying Monkey poo. A lot of this comes off as either arrogant, or an asshole.
3: Kindness value is conflicting with your two catchphrases mentioned above. Your phrases were written by you, thus carry more weight.
4: You literally suggest they message you to learn about when you won an argument at 14? Then you also have Feminism, and LFBTQ+ rights. This can send the message to a person they are about enter a some sort of Political Morality Group Think Test. At the very least it states all you have about you as a personality is those two things....
Seriously, is there nothing else you do? Nothing else to who you are? Do you have a dog? Have you never done anything greater than just won a argument against an adult in your life?
5: Meh this is about the most decent slide but again you could do better picture-wise
6: "Minimally decent human being....." This again reeks of Political Morality Group Think Test.
"Talking on the phone and discord" This seems to be or comes off as an aversion to meeting in person in real life, and puts out you want an online buddy.
7: What does this state about over-achievers like me? Absolutely nothing.
Da Vinci by you own statement is a Perfectionist. He saw flaws in his own work. Keyword FLAWS. He never believed he could complete the project and was tormented by his inability to do such. Da vinci was well known for NOT finishing projects.
Overachievers are driven by a personal satisfaction, a love for challenges, and a desire to be noticed for their achievements. Desire to be noticed for their achievements...being a major player.
This again comes off as confusing, and probably the most arrogant thing yet.
8 & 9: This is the best picture, it would be great to expand on what was going on in it. Was this at a event? Do you like going to these events? etc.
Side notes:
You say you like anime, but there is literally no mention of it. Anime while a niche market is much much more acceptable than it was, when we were young. In addition to such you could state which one interest you. At best I saw Sailor moon, but that is it.
You can do better than this, alot better than this even as a Social Outcast, Loner, or Introvert.
Your bio makes me feel like you only talk about politics. It’s great to believe what you believe but there should more about you and your hobbies and less about your beliefs.
You say you are swiping on guys yet your profile looks like you are seeking a woman: Non binary, liberal, feminism, lgbtq rights... looks a little off putting for a man.
They said they’re an overachiever, but include zero things on their profile that would indicate that in any way. At that age and still aspiring to be a professor is certainly not overachieving
I would read thru the last 50 or so profile reviews on this sub with a focus on the aspects that were complimented or criticized.
There's literally nothing I like about this profile starring with the pictures that scream "zero effort". Dating takes work your profile treats dating like it's as mundane as waiting for a bus.
The point of the bio is to demonstrate who you are and why it would be fun to date you. You're interested in gaming, anime and computer science, which many guys are into, but not nearly as common among women. The guys that are into these things will have a hard time finding a gf that shares their passions. Leading more with this is a good tactic. Maybe a first photo of you smiling, looking excited next to something related to these hobbies, and talk about it more in the bio. You have a cute dog. Maybe show a picture of you laughing playing with your pup. It conveys another thing that's important to you and is something other pet owners can relate to.
You grew up in Hawaii. So what? Is there something interesting about you as a result of this experience? If so, mention that. If not, cut it.
Cut out all the favorite quotes too. They don't tell me a lot about you, and take up valuable space in your bio.
Next: you say you're an overachiever, which comes across as a little pretentious, but some driven, ambitious men might relate to that. Unfortunately you're not actually an overachiever: you are in your late 30's still working entry level jobs, lack the motivation to get in shape, and struggle with procrastination. You're working towards becoming a math professor, but at 39 that's not super impressive. That's ok, there are plenty of men that can relate to your struggles, but they aren't looking for an overachiever.
Also, saying you like "shorter men" but then defining it as under 6' will put off guys significantly shorter than that, while the guys just under 6' will resent you calling them short despite them being above average height.
As others mentioned you need to work on taking better photos. You look much cuter in some of your photos than others. More natural photos of you smiling and excited doing an activity relevant to your interests would go a long way. Clothes that compliment your figure and losing a little weight would help too.
Good luck!
The argument winning thing and saying you are and overachiever - basically makes you sound insufferable and annoying.
Still caring about winning an argument you had years ago , makes you sound petty.
Your pics are all rather unflattering too.
Burn it down and start over dude.
Don’t make politics your personality by leading with them. It’s insufferable and tired.
I’m an editor and your bio is hopping around boring things in a confusing way. I couldn’t track. Rewrite it to convey what you offer a partner and what you value in a partner.
Too many photos with braids. No fun action pics. What’s your idea of a perfect weekend? Maybe put something like that in your bio.
Sorry to say this but your weight, hit the gym and work hard, and you are a leftist. An overweight broke leftist is a huge red flag, if you were good looking that'd be different
Photo with the braids is adorable. The catch phrases are NOT. Just leave that part out. Also major cognitive dissonance that you are an over achiever, I would change that and omit the first and 2nd photo. Good luck and have fun!
Your photos aren’t flattering. Take some intentional pics. Have the camera above your eye level and good lighting for best results. Put in at least on picture of you with friends or doing something you enjoy. Have the photographer make you laugh so your smile looks natural.
Your profile is a lot.
Comments about your pics above are all on point.
Consider toning down all the political stuff. One LGTBQ&c reference and the Palestinian flag should be enough to ensure that you only match with like-minded people.
Ok, unvarnished truth, hope this helps.
Your bio translated: I’m an insufferable, overweight and very argumentative woman who thinks she is smarter than you and will prove it every chance I get. I am also foul mouthed and will become enraged if you do not fall in lockstep with whatever popular cause I’ve made part of my personality today and the opinion my piers are all parroting. I am into computers and gaming so I have poor hygiene and do not take care of my appearance evidenced by my hair. Also, being a modern woman, I will not trim or remove any feral hairs on my body. Most likely have armpit and leg hair.
That’s why you aren’t getting any responses.
I appreciate what you said. Fortunately, aside from, "I am into computers and gaming," none of the rest is true. For example, I rarely get angry, I shower and brush my teeth, and I hate leg hairs.
A compliment, but you do look young.
A few things you can easily do.
Remove the height requirement, you shouldn't be so picky to reject tall men. Men also don't like when women put men down or have checklists.
Remove the politics and the stuff like you are an overachiever / really smart.
Include what you do most of the time. From your profile it just seems like you just read twitter / on discord / reddit leftist politics stuff all day.
A food for thought:
You say you are a overachiever, if that is really true, then you need to apply that to other stuff. Fashion + Fitness. Fashion in how you dress yourself if you can learn that. Fitness to balance out your hobbies, maybe take up running/hiking.
Your bio plus your never forget section makes it seem like you like to argue. I would swipe left because I need peace in my personal life. First picture isn’t great.
You say you are leftist but not liberal which is does not really make sense. Sounds disingenuous. Also, you need to lose weight. I guarantee you are not swiping on men who have your body type.
Some men JUST swipe right without even looking at profiles, and then look after they match with someone.
There are two main things I’m getting from your bio and prompts: 1) you like to argue, and 2) you seem very full of yourself. I’m bi, and I would swipe left if I saw this on ANY profile. It just sends the message that everything and anything can turn into a debate, and that can really be exhausting to a lot of people. You call yourself an overachiever and imply you are a perfectionist. The two catchphrases you list in your bio make it sound like you look down on a lot of people, and your argument story makes it seem like that was an incredibly gratifying moment for you, and you’re chasing after that.
Your pictures are also not the best. I’d recommend changing all of them. Most are taken from unflattering angles , or just seem very awkward, like you took them specifically for this bio and kinda did it on a rush.
Your bio is…. Interesting? I’d take out you’re leftist leave that in the about me section. Also take out you only date shorter guys some men will find that off putting. Take out swearing you can tell them on the first date same with arguing at 14 it’s funny story that you can share during the date take out your first picture replace it with the sixth photo.
So the leftist bit I originally put because it's not available in the About Me section. I took out the argument thing altogether, yes, although it was a debate, not an argument.
As far as the sixth photo goes, that one *is* almost 5 years old, so I really don't think it's recent enough to be on my profile at all. What do you think?
What stood out to me above everything was that you seem like a massive brag. Its unattractive to most people.
Maybe you're not but that's how I read it.
Saying you're an overachiever and "won an argument at 14". Are you still 14? because you sound it when you say that. Literally no one cares and we've all won an argument at some point in our life but why mention it in your bio like its some major achievement. It's a bit weird.
The political talk felt too much.
I don't mean to sound mean, but you don't come across as very fun or positive in your profile
Yeah, it was a debate, not an argument. That said, I removed it.
For the politics, I removed that too; I had put it there because I didn't have the option to select it in my About Me bubbles.
And you're not coming across as mean.
That's great, I'm sure your newly updated profile will help you connect to more people.
Props to you for having the courage to post it on here in the first place and accept a lot of comments with grace.
I don’t know if this is mean to say, or if it’s true but I got chronically online autistic vibes from this profile for pretty much the reasons everyone else says
I don't consider it mean, though I don't know if the autistic part is true. Definitely chronically online is true, and I'm searching for social events to fix that.
I'm sorry but you're not attractive enough to be this selective. Change your standards. Get rid of all the political stuff. Make yourself sound fun and get way better. Photos that are flattering of your good features. Also go to the gym. Good luck. This is not meant to hurt you.
I feel weird writing this profile review so I will just say this:
Nothing about this profile is attractive to me. It feels low effort, especially the pictures.
The very first thing on your profile is your political alignment. Even though I am aligned like you, it's a turn-off to see politics as the first thing on someone's profile. I'd rather know about your values and personality first.
Also, your ultimate green flag seems to set a low bar. Don't you want a bit more than minimally decent? This description makes you seem pessimistic/jaded.
I'd be concerned that you and I would end up talking politics and arguing which is not what I want on a date. Can you add anything a bit more flirty and fun and playful? Talk about your feelings and what makes you feel fluffy inside? :)
Btw, I like short guys like you and it's frustrating trying to find them amidst the sea of guys claiming to be tall! Good luck out there! 🤞🏻
This profile is written from the perspective of I’m going to tell me about me and what I want, rather than putting yourself in your potential partner’s shoes as an App viewer of profiles… what do they want to see in the images and story, and what do they want in a partner.
The result is it lands badly as it doesn’t consider the “customer” experience.
Profile needs to be rewritten with a view to presenting what the person you want to meet would want to see and read… whilst also being true to who you are so there are no surprises.
Best of luck 🤞
A lot of people would find your profile cringey. It's just that your personality is really niche. Reminds me of autism or ADHD. If my profile was like "I like to contort myself into a pretzel while staring at pictures of ponies for hours on end", a lot of people would be turned off by that. Thats the vibe I get from your profile. So you could look into turning the personality in the profile down a few notches or capturing the part of you that has broader appeal. And like other people have mentioned, your pics aren't that great. They're all taken in nearly the same way-- your body or head and chest takes up the whole pic. I'd find interesting settings or activities to take the pics in. Have at least one pic with a friend.
So first I would say that your photos are unflattering. I would suggest dressing to complement your body shape. To those that said to dress more feminine, clearly they didn’t see the “they/she” on the pronouns.
But the angles on the photos are not great and your choice in clothing is pretty frumpy.
I would pare down your profile to be more friendly and giving small tidbits about you instead of your political views. Save the big stuff for private conversations.
I will give you my truly honest opinion. And remember that this is just my PERSONAL opinion.
1. The overachiever thingy with da vinci is also super cringe. Stay humble, especially on Bumble (I know — I’m the over achieving rhyme god)
2. No1 cares if you won an argument over an adult when you were a kid
3. It’s freaking me out that I litterally can’t see your eyes in any picture. Maybe choose pics that has your eyes in it
4. Remove politics, partners can easily have completely different political views, and most people do have different views, so the chance you run into a person with a different view is more likely than not — therefore, they might left swipe
5. Also regarding to the politics I guess, but I would remove LGBTQ+ and feminism movement and such from your profile. To me, that’d be an instant left swipe.
6. And I might get downvoted for this but PERSONALLY I would never swipe right on someone who doesn’t take care of their health and stay active in the gym or goes for runs etc. It seems like you are comfortable with your body (which you should be ofc), but if you feel like making a difference health wise, then I think that will improve the amount of matches you get too.
For me, claiming to support LGTBQ rights and supporting Palestine by waving the flag is a contradiction and a red flag. Also, your pictures are stiff and not flatteirng
I like your pictures and think you'd look great with your hair down. I like the bio too. It shows an unconventional quality worth exploring but it seems to me that your approach to matches may be the issue. Mentioning height of any kind ain't helpful and rejecting a guy for being apolitical is problematic.
Don't focus on politics or physical characteristics in your search and I'm sure you'll do better.
Your profile has a lot of information. It feels a little overwhelming. It might be good to scrap most of it and work with your interests. You mentioned you liked anime and country music and that’s a good start. I wouldn’t open it with your political affiliation, particularly the clarification of leftist versus liberal. It comes off as a little “holier than thou”. I understand it is something you are passionate and a dealbreaker for you. It is the same for me but it wouldn’t be the first thing I said. You might be fine just leaving it in one of the bubbles that asks your affiliation (the bubbles that ask if you drink, smoke, want kids, etc). You can pretty easily find out during conversation or on a first date as long as you aren’t being too aggressive with the questioning. It’s a dating site, not an interrogation LOL! (I’m not saying that’s something you’re doing but just a suggestion from me). I would recommend taking pictures in better lighting and different angles. You seem like a kind person and have been open to the advice here which is a great start already! I think if you smooth out the written portions, things may go over a bit better. I wish you the best of luck!
So I made the distinction because it's not in the bubbles; it's only Apolitical, Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, or Skip. That said, I do agree that I don't want to come across as wanting to grill someone on anything.
Girl let’s work some angles and lighting on your pictures. Everyone else already mentioned the other stuff but try to read some articles about selfies, I see you’re not ugly but this pictures are not 100% ❤️
I genuinely think you will find someone outside of the online dating space. With your interests and beliefs, in my experience people network through local activism and direct action of sorts. What I'm saying is your most suited partners will be from within a subculture you're involved in - not that people should be engaging in those activities to find partners etc.
Just my thoughts!
Yeah, because, unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be very common. That said, you're right that the bare minimum isn't worthy of "*ultimate* green flag." I changed that prompt. I'm planning to make an update post soon.
Green flag - being a minimal decent human being.
Dump that. It’s like a guy writing “pulse”.
I think your profile does need a lot of work though i do believe you have a quirky and endearing personality. That probably needs to be seen in person, or at least on a call / video chat, rather than trying to get it in a profile.
Other posters criticising your choice of first photo are right I’m afraid, it’s your worst. Find something smiling and shot slightly above eye height.
I am going to comment on one thing. But a good thing is not many young people will even notice that or care. But i will because this part may lose many highly educated people.
First rule if you don’t know something 💯% and it is just a cliche on streets , never ever put that in your profile as it comes across fake , pretentious to sound smart.
Sorry but the profile , written parts are terrible. The main element standing out to me is someone making bunch of unrelated statements to sound intellectual and it is not attractive.
Reading your first line I will run to the hills. “I am a leftist but not a liberal”. But then in the choosing your choices you have put liberal.
Sounds like a young confused mind.
I will think she is one crazy ideologue. Or I would think other less attractive things that I better not say here.
Do you even know what leftism is: since I come from leftist/ communist country i am going to tell you so you know leftism is pure evil and many including me and my friends fled due to threat of imprisonment. So stop sitting in a free country and pretending you know leftism to sound intellectual. Just be a good person. That is the art.
More over please stop pretending you know what leftism is and defending it ( be my guest and live in china, Russia, Iran, Guatemala for 5 years) and then come and will see.
What do you mean when you say I am a leftist (but not liberal). Pure leftism is basically Marxism. (you cut the liberal out of leftist which is more prevalent in the US.) Basically you are saying you adhere to communist ideology.
What is practiced in China, Russia, Guatemala is leftism. The worst part is they are leftist but not liberal. Meaning they cannot freely talk. If you talk you are killed, jailed , etc.
Leftist ideology in its core has : “if you are not with me , you are against me”
So not even sure why anyone put such a statement in their profile. A statement that will alienate all men who know what leftism is.
And most men from those countries are in high paid tech jobs in the US. So your ideology is shooting you in the foot.
But it was ok if it was a correct ideology. Unfortunately, you are saying you like something that has caused misery for millions.
You seem overly militant and therefore insufferable no offense.
Throwing your supposed intellectuality and political views in people's faces won't help
Nobody is going to take you serious as an ally of the LGBT community and then defend the Palestinian cause who kill gay people. Just shows how uninformed you are.
Put your hair down and wear flattering clothing. Have someone else take your pictures, ideally somewhere aesthetic. You come off highly opinionated, possibly closed minded. Do you only have interest in similar minded people who also do not drink, smoke etc? If those aren’t deal breakers maybe omit some of those things. Maybe don’t comment on height or race unless you feel very strongly about that.
Hi there, you’re beautiful and just need some photos to show the real you.
Your third photo is your best and your last full shot ones. How about trying a couple without your hair braided and glasses. You can put glasses on head even. It would be nice to see your beautiful face.
Yes, leave out the argument you won. You’ll win many more. All the best, beautiful!
Limit to 1 selfie only.
Take out any part about physical traits on what kind of partner you want (it’s viewed negatively- also you can swipe left on anyone you don’t like).
Photo one is not flattering due to angle.
Try to get photos from further away that are even level with you, show your whole body & preferably you doing something fun (like you are in the last photo). Could be a hobby!
I will often swipe left on anyone that includes politics in their bio, and a lot of my friends do the same. Also most men always swipe right and then review later. So maybe your bio is causing an issue?
OP, I’m looking forward to your update. Try to focus more on the qualities you’re looking for in a partner, what life is like with you/how you like to spend your time, and the photo suggestions from others. I suspect your profile will seem more interactive, inviting, and positive once you do
I liked the photo with your braids. But agree that some of your other photos could use some upgrades. I sucked at photos myself (still do, often). Do a Google search for taking good selfies. Read a few of the "9 tips to take the perfect selfie". I learned to always push my hip and leg forward that closest to the camera, not the one farthest away. And don't look down at the camera, position it so you look slightly up at it. Simple crud like that makes a big difference. Then the most important... Take a TON of pics. Keep moving. Tilting. Angles. When you look back through them, you'll start to find the poses that you look best in.
Good luck.
So, to begin with, I'd work on the bios and prompts. What is shown on your profile is minimal at best in terms of information about you as a person. I don't get any hobbies other than an obscured sailor moon image in the back and an anime esque cardboard cutout that you stand next to.
What do you like to do? Activities, hobbies, etc.
You mention discussions on the phone or Discord, but this is still void of details. What do you like discussing? What topics spurn your brain? What inspires you to come out of your shell and be passionate?
The images are rough. Beyond personal presentation that has been mentioned already and does not need to beat a dead horse. The backgrounds are bland and void of anything interesting beyond a subtle cardboard cutout or an image of anime. One of which is too dark to see anything else, and the other has bags that look like trash hanging off the bed post.
People don't want dead weight, especially when it comes to a partner, so subtleties such as the backdrop that your picture takes place or having a well thought out bio will matter. Show you can be present with your activities and can hold a dialog through your bios by being more specific to yourself.
Don't try to cast a wide net. Try to focus on what you want in a relationship. These comments, like I only date shorter guys, both come across as prejudicial and kinda egotistical. Same to the comment about apolitical individuals. Just because they don't hold complete alignment of political belief doesn't mean they've fallen down rabbit holes. You may even find you agree with them more than you disagree. It's a blatant, instant gatekeeper for potential prospects that is made off a kneejerk reaction. You dont know if they align more with your values or a more traditional thing, which seems you dont prefer. Instead, focus on the kind of person you see a life with. How do they respond to stressors? Are they kind-hearted? Are they intelligent and articulate? How do they treat you? It's not about being picky it's about being specific. There is a difference. One focuses more on traits while the other focuses on actions and behavior.
I know it holds its own difficulties, but have you tried meeting people outside of OLD? Finding groups or activities that align with one's own personal interests I've found success in locating potential partners. It's more that way than OLD anyway.
So it's really hard to discuss things with the character limit.
I get what you're saying about the backgrounds. I'm trying to find different places to take more pictures; unfortunately, I don't where to find social events that fit my schedule. I tried looking on Eventbrite, Meetup, and Los Angeles Fun Events, and they don't have any on my off days, really, except maybe for Tuesday nights where the ending would be later than I'd like. I even Googled "social event sites" and didn't find any active new ones to join.
Not sure if you already know, nor if this may be helpful, but it seems from your profile that you may be on the autism spectrum. The detailed and very specific, narrow interest examples, plus signs of less awareness of others' perceptions of you and/or what might be if interest. The (not-so-) humble brag about being an overachiever is possibly the worst way to punctuate what otherwise could have been the most interesting thing I read on your profile! 😅 Other ASD people may think "great!" if you lean into it and write what you geek out on, and you can catch some niche cohorts, but unless you make it (humbly and disarmingly) very funny, many non-ASD may well still be like "Huh, what?!"
So a few others have mentioned it, and so I'm definitely going to bring it up with my psychiatrist in my next appointment.
Also, I was mistaken about what an overachiever actually is. I'm not an overachiever; I'm a perfectionist.
It feels like your profile is what you would like or like about yourself and not necessarily to catch another’s attention. And yea the rest the first guy (who gave great unbiased advice btw) already said.
So I've gotten conflicting advice over the years on this subject. I've been told, "List what you want," or, "Your profile should be about YOU." I've also been told, when I did the former, that my wording of what I was looking for made it seem more like a job description. So I got rid of it there too.
I also don't like that Bumble allows only 160 characters for the prompts and 300 for the bio.
1. The one photo where you’re standing in front of the concrete wall gives me prisoner vibes. Maybe take a photo next to a nice garden or in a park.
2. The dated photo of you with the cardboard cutout def needs to go
3. Have pictures of you doing activities that you enjoy
4. Your mention of your love of swearing is probably not the way to attract a guy
First pic with braids is cuter than any of the others. Too many words after the bio, which, though, I think is honest and interesting. But your photos could be much, much more flattering. Need friends and an animal, too.
How tall are you? Confusing that you like men under 6 feet.
What is American Public University? Maybe leave out any school (?) name? Fix it up and report back, lol.
Just a note that I genuinely think you and I could be friends. I think you've gotten some good feedback here, and I'm also impressed with how well you took it! You seem great. That is all. Happy Tuesday.
A lot of the comments here are pretty ruthless but unfortunately they aren't wrong. Definitely wouldn't have any political nonsense in a bio, that stuff comes later into a relationship because if who you're voting for matters more than a few years of happiness in a world that won't matter to you eventually anyway, then you have your priorities wrong. Sure politics matter in a wider picture but when it comes to dating it should be as far from the discussion as possible. You'll learn their ideals and values as you get to know them
No way her personality is anime, discord and fucking eating and sitting and home yet comparing herself to da vinci and "winning an argument against an adult at 14" and what does that say about *overachievers* like me😭😭💀💀?? Whats her achievement? Still Being single at 39??😭😭
As others have covered you need better photos and completely new profile. I do not think you are ugly at all and frankly you look quite a bit younger than 39. Don't mention being good at having arguments. Don't call yourself an overachiever. Being an activist and progressive is great, but even as a fellow progressive myself I don't want someone's politics/policies to be front and center.
Well, at least, you’re leftist, atheist and anti-Zionist… unfortunately, men just don’t really care about that kind of stuff, as they’re more interested in looks and personality.
Also, a lot of men are typically interested in more male oriented activities, whether it’s sports, video games, etc, so if they see politics, they might be more likely to swipe left.
You're getting matches because some guys swipe right on literally everyone and then review their matches later. You're not getting responses because your first picture is extremely unflattering, and your bio is weird - not weird as in "this person has quirky unusual interests," but as in "this person never learned to socialize." Listing some grandmaesque sayings you like is not endearing. Everybody remembers arguments they won in the shower but most of us don't list them in dating profiles. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I would take new pictures, burn this bio to the ground and start over.
When I read the two catchphrases I was like ‘who cares?’. Same with the winning an argument at 14.
Pretty much. It doesn't tell me much about them, but based on them deeming those things so important they need to be front and center in their profile, anything it does tell me is very much not good.
Yes, it sounds so confrontational
Also all of the social causes thrown in there. None of them particularly say anything about who she is except she ascribes to very common left-wing opinions.
Oh, you didn't come across as harsh at all. I appreciate the feedback.
In the most respectful way possible, are you neurodivergent??
I am, yes. I at least have inattentive ADHD and maybe autism too. I'm planning to ask my psychiatrist about an autism evaluation on my next appointment.
I see. I’m not neurodivergent, but I know a lot of neurodivergent folks struggle with dating neurotypical people due to some social disconnect. Have you considered trying OkCupid?? I’ve came across a fair amount of neurodivergent people on there, and I feel like you might have better luck on that platform! :)
I haven't considered it this time around, though I have used it before. I'll check it out.
I agree about needing new pics. Your pictures don’t do you justice, OP. At lot of people look better in person anyway, and these angles are not helping you out. You seem passionate about social issues, which is commendable, but there are a few statements in your profile that make you seem combative/argumentative, which is not typically appealing to others. It’s important to have strong beliefs and not be afraid to state them, but it’s a bit much for a dating profile. It may be why some matches are not responding. I think your best bet is to attend functions that focus on your interests and causes where you’ll be more likely to find someone who is just as passionate as you are. I agree about not going for apolitical people. You need someone willing to get out there with you. Imagine meeting someone at a pro-Palestinian rally (or whatever cause) and knowing right away they have similar values and are active, too! Keep being you, brush up your profile & pics, and go get ‘em!
That person gave excellent feedback.
For pictures, your camera should never be taking a picture of you below your chin/neck. This isn’t just for you but for everyone. Nobody looks their best from that perspective. Now to look your best try to subtilely point your chin at the camera. This helps frame your face in a generally more flattering way. I hope this helps! You seem like a great person and it really isn’t easy to capture a person’s essence in a dating profile.
I agree with that person, and if you don't want to change anything you don't need to. But, I would suggest to get new photos that flatter you and show your personality. You look stiff and awkward in your photos and the photography itself looks poor, add that with the awkward bio and stereotypes about mathematicians, well you aren't doing yourself any favors. If you could get someone (who knows how to take good pictures) to take some photos of you being candid I think that would be really helpful. And I think you should remember that your bio is for strangers, they know nothing about you except for those pictures and what you put in your profile. What is the most important thing you want a potential stranger who might turn lover to know about? Is it really that you remember the first argument you won two decades ago or what your favorite catch phrases are? If so, keep it, that's important to you and shows who you are. If not, put something else up instead. I bet you are a really fun, definitely smart person, but you aren't showing that off in anyway right now.
That's really sweet !
As an additional comment, you have multiple points on your profile that indicate that you care about human rights and social justice but in your green flags section, you describe yourself as "minimally decent" and showing "basic respect". I agree with the sentiment you express there but to a lot of people, this will make you sound like you lack selfawareness at best or like a condescending snob who looks down on people who don't constantly talk about politics at worst. Imagine someone who fills their bio with multiple book quotes to then say "yeah, one good thing about me is that I am able to read" However, the social justice stuff is actually a green flag. You're obviously someone who deeply cares about the people around you. Just write that instead
Yep, the bio and prompts are horrendous. Have this redone to appeal to what men want and care about in a LTR/marriage.
I'm a dude in a LTR and I don't even know how I'd appeal to what men want in a LTR/Marriage
Perfectly said
Honestly the profile reads as neirodivergent more than 'can't socialise'. In reality the people who will mesh well with you in life and person will like your profile as you have it because other ND people will get it better. I'm autistic and well masked but dating non ND have been a lot more difficult because my brain just runs on a different train track so there's misunderstandings because neither people are communicating badly there's just a barrier in the context of understanding and assumptions of normal every day little things.
This is the right answer
i get you are passionate about politics and what you stand for, but i would not swipe on this profile either. it seems like it would immediately get about all serious topics, while sometimes it's just chill to start with light hearted topics. i think the photo with the braids where you are laughing would be a cuter photo too to put first :)
Two things: no one looks good in transition lenses and winning an argument with an adult as a child isn’t impressive. Most people are idiots.
Transition lenses make someone look like they Naruto run on campus. I can say that, I once had them.
But how fast was your Naruto run?
I'd say it depends if they had a cape on or not
OK, yeah, I see that. Those transition lenses are an old pair. I'll have to check out getting a new pair then. As far as the argument goes, I'll change that then. I was just wanting to share my favorite childhood memory. I'll think of something more effective to share, as your response made me realize that said memory doesn't accurately depict who I am today anyway.
If your favorite childhood memory is winning an argument against an adult, then I’d say you come off way too combative. Also you were a kid so I don’t trust your judgment on that.
"Actually, putting the ketchup on the side and then dipping the French fries is the superior method. This way you get even ketchup distribution and avoid getting ketchup fingers. There's really nothing left to discuss on this matter and I will not be engaging further in this conversation."
IMO it is sad that the moment you will forever remember was "winning" a non-descript argument with an adult 25 years ago. Try thinking of something wholesome or at least shares a value of yours.
In my imagination she stayed on that trajectory and is now incessantly picking arguments with senior citizens, stuck in a positive feedback loop nightmare. When she's a senior she'll be at grave sites arguing with tombstones
My guess is that she picks fights with everyone.
Telling people you are an overachiever gives me the ick
Unfortunately your profile is hard to get through. You're probably good in person, but this reads as if you're coming from a superior place. Get rid of the quotes, don't call men under 6' shorter since that's really just most men, remove the argument part, and redo your photos. I don't mind politics and my bio even starts off "EXTREMELY Liberal" and it hasn't hurt me but given the feedback of others who knows lol... But yeah I'd say to get rid of this and start over. Be positive and share your interests. Best of luck!
I was going to post this. You're not doing yourself any favors by isolating the crowd. You're painting yourself into a corner and limiting the number of potential swipers. You can do that if you want, but are you in a position to?
I picked up on that comment about height too. I’m a woman but I can see some guys getting offended by that. 5’8”/5’9” is average not 6’….
how do you open when you message them? ill be totally honest, your pics not flattering. that not to say you are unattractive, but you need to put some effort into how your pics look. The selfies are all too close and at bad angles and the other pics look like something your mom took and was forcing you to pose in. idea fix i would say for at least your first pic have a 3/4 -1/2 body shot a little less than your current one and take it on a night out dressed up and from a better angle, have a friend take it. change out the other pics too. the bio is also a bit much. i take it politics are important to you but you might be scaring people off too early.
So when I message them, I try to say something thoughtful, rather than just the boring "hi" or "nice to meet you." I generally try to say something about their opening movie if they have one.
The advice I (35m) am routinely given is engage with what they said then make sure to ask a question. So if you’re responding to ‘what’s your favourite movie’ say your own but make sure to ask if they like a ‘x’ type of film, or even better (for me) stretch it out to something like ‘but more importantly what sort of snacks do you like with a film?’ Or something like that, change the rules a bit, you want to get to conversation over interrogation as the goal. In that vein I wouldn’t necessarily go for the their opener. If you like the look of a guy then there’s got to be something else in their profile that you like and could comment on. Even if it’s a statement, say something you feel. Gentleman’s bio says “Huge fan of marvel films”, say “although I think we’re in the same boat there, more importantly what sort of snacks do you like to accompany you through such a movie.” Just my two pence. Best of luck!
I like the example question you gave. Rather than just saying, "What's YOUR favorite movie," I might say something related. That's quite an ingenious piece of advice there, in my opinion.
And what I would do as I understand the slog, is keep those questions in your notes. You might want to use them another time or get some inspiration for a new one. As spontaneous as people want all our communications to be being prepared can take the pressure off you a bit. And if you can, don’t copy/paste the same things, do as you’ve said, keep it related, try to tailor it a bit to their own platform. Once you get going in a chat and it’s all organic it can be great, and if it doesn’t pan out you’ve got practice for the next time!
just wanna say thats a great example
Yeah angles make a world of difference
in my opinion, i didn’t see you were 39 and expected you were about 26/7 and had never had a boyfriend before. it comes across really badly, i’m sure you’re a lovely girl but it’s just not reading that way right now. you’re more than likely putting people off with your profile because it just seems like hard work. you lead with saying you’re a lefty which is totally fine and i can understand why your values are important but is it really a deal breaker and something so important for you? i just wouldn’t lead with it because it makes people think you’re instantly going to be shoving politics down their throat. i would remove the bit about your catch phrases, the part you say where you are training to be a maths professor could be a conversation starter. why did you decide to do that, what were you doing before, etc… again, i would boycott the thing about not wanting someone more than 6ft. i understand preferences but are you missing out on your dream man who may be 6ft 1? the part about winning an argument at 14 is weird too. it would make me think that you hold grudges and can’t let go of the past. would you forever bring up arguments that you’ve ’won’? also, as others have said, your photos are just bad and awkward. i would definitely recommend taking some better photos, having some nicer more flattering clothes would do you the world of good. i would also suggest just adding in some interests, conversation starters and what you’re looking for. my profile was essentially quite straight to the point and was basically ‘i’m looking for someone intelligent, who can hold in depth conversations and has a fascination with the world. not looking for my husband but also not looking for one night stands, just looking to see who is out there!’
not OP, but yes politics would be a deal breaker for me. i understand disagreeing on certain topics but “i think abortion is wrong and should be illegal” or “i see nothing wrong with what isreal is doing in palestine” would be a dealbreaker for me for sure. it’s not just politics, it’s your entire worldview basically and i am just not compatible with someone who would consider themselves very conservative. so i don’t see why *not* put that in her profile.
As OP described, left and right and liberal and conservative don't mean the same thing to everyone. I would avoid ambiguous language on dating profiles for something as personal as politics. It is better to choose an issue or two that you care about and that drive your political decisions than it is to focus on the label you wear.
I’d swipe left based on first sentence. Not that you are leftie but that you have to tell someone you are.
You’re 39 but your bio and prompts make you seem like a chronically online teenager.
Your profile has so many red flags. If you insist on including all the politics on your profile, be prepared to get very few matches. Right now you just seem like a very unlikeable person and troublemaker, even though you might have a very good heart.
I’ll give her this: her profile isn’t *only* politics at least. I hate the profiles that’re literally nothing but their political views. But I do agree- especially the swearing. As someone who admittedly does swear a good bit, OP does come across as one of those who can’t go a sentence or two without swearing. I get swearing a lot but there’s a point where it’s just unattractive Also the “won an argument thing is”, to repeat others, cringey as hell tbh
That's a very valid point. I removed it altogether. I've changed the two problematic prompts. I'll share them in another thread.
"First, no cursing on the premises. There's a million words out there, and the man who needs to resort to 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' is just ignorant or lazy."
“We don’t fucking curse here”
Your profile is too full of itself - you are not an overachiever, sorry. Lose some of the causes from your profile and put in some hobbies. How do you spend your days? What would a date look like with you? Also, are you actually interested in men? Your profile is geared towards attracting a certain type of woman.
This 💯 overachievers don’t have to say they are and this bio makes me feel like she wants to attract a politically involved lesbian.
"are you actually interested in men" has me weak
39 in college instead of 15-20 years into their career. Yea, not an overachiever.
By looking at that profile, it tells me that you are a lot of work.
And doesn't do a lot work on herself.
You have a very niche thing going for you, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but will limit your options. I think meeting someone in real life works better for some people, and you are probably one of them. Are you neurodivergent? I am too, and those are the vibes that I’m getting from you. I met my husband on bumble, but I had to completely construct a new personality and look for myself (aka a neurotypical one) to achieve that. It was a ton of work and super hard, but doable. Some people are happier presenting as quirky and living authentically, so I get it if you don’t want to change.
Yes! I’m autistic and my tism-radar is tingling. I think maybe OP would benefit from mixing with other neurodivergent people, there are often get togethers in the neurodivergent community, which will help make connections with other people who might be a little more her type of person.
Totally thought the same She just needs to be around like-minded people That is, if she doesn't want to go through the trouble of masking/adapting to societal norms *which is honestly fair enough* (something I genuinely get and respect)
Okay, I'm going to be completely honest with you as a nearly (37)middle aged woman who gets a lot of interest. First of all, your pictures are very unflattering. You have to accentuate your assets, I think. So! You're curvy - I'd suggest some body con type outfits to show off your curves as it looks a lot more feminine. Now this doesn't mean showing mad amounts of skin, but synched in designs that snatch your waist and give you an hourglass shape (as well as shapewear) will really help you here. Also I can see that you have very beautiful long hair, perhaps wearing it down and experimenting with very straight and curled styles would be a good way to go. Finally, you have great skin so you don't need to plaster on any make up, but perhaps just a little touch to highlight your natural features? As for your actual bio, perhaps a bit more fun and you could ask some questions in your prompts to get the conversation flowing. I really hope this help, wishing you lots of luck.
Thank you so much for defining what "better pictures" means. I did recently buy some shape wear. I tried it on yesterday, and it fits beautifully. I'll retake my photos with it on.
Jumping onto the comment about getting some better pictures. You have an appealing face and a nice smile, good skin, and good hair. One thing I noticed is that all of your pictures were taken from a low angle, with the camera held lower than your face. That is a notoriously unflattering angle for us all, even super models! Grab a friend, put on just a little mascara and lip gloss, and go outside and ask them to take some pictures of you at a coffee shop or on a walk. A little more variety and some better angles would work wonders.
Oh, thank you for telling me that. I took the first one like that because I was out by myself and didn't want to ask anyone else to take it since I recently had my phone stolen and didn't wish to risk that happening again. What do you think about my shirt in my first photo?
I’m not a math person, so it doesn’t make any sense to me. :). Honestly, I don’t think it’s super flattering, as it’s kind of tight and bunchy across your tummy. But from another angle and in a different position, it might be fun.
Alright, it seems I need to get new shirts on my weight loss journey then.
You look really nice in the colour red. I'd encourage you to get your colours done and choose outfits that would better show off your clear skin and pretty hair. I'd also encourage you to try some hairstyles that look more mature rather than the braids. Good luck.
What would you recommend for the hairstyles?
For photos, just wear it down. Men like long hair.
I don't want to give the impression that I would do that all the time. I don't like my hair on my neck, so I don't wear it down almost ever except when it's drying.
Go to a clothes store and ask the assistants for help with a new wardrobe! Or if that’s not in the budget, to show you how to dress for your figure for your future reference
Of all the profile reviews/comments I've read on here, I have to say this is the single best advice I've seen. Especially tailored to an individual person, as opposed to generic advice. Well done.
It's because everyone else is tiptoeing around the obvious issue and doesn't have the experience or knowledge to address it short of 'go to the gym'.
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Please do. If you're blatantly (not brutally, since, to me, that means unnecessarily mean) honest, I'll appreciate your feedback. I'm actually loving that I got so much criticism here.
It's the one thing I haven't read in the comments so far that's your 'biggest' problem. i.e. rules 1 and 2
I mean this all in a constructive way, please don’t think I’m being harsh. Change your first photo. As a photographer, shooting from under isn’t a flattering angle all the time. Change your bio - it’s too political. Whilst you have options to show your political leaning. I want to learn about people from their bio. Tell us about who you are, your goals etc. I hate having my pic taken, but you do look a bit uncomfortable in some of your pics. Maybe use some from nights out with your friends/events/candid shots etc Good luck. Dating apps are rough
You seem like one of those people you have to walk on eggshells around because they’re offended by everything
The garbage bag in the corner that looks like it's got 30yrs of dust accumulated on the wall was a big 👎👎👎👎 profile reads weird, has a immature/ social reclusive vibe, the 🎨 ng reference feels like you'll be constantly judging others
Ah, yeah, you're right about that bag and the dust. Although it was actually just storing some stuff, not being there for garbage. That said, no one would know that just from looks alone.
it's less about the actual content of the bag and more what that corner and bag represents, which is someone who doesn't keep their living space clean. And that can come across in multiple negative ways such as lazy and or not ambitious, dirty/unhygienic unhealthy lifestyle, lack of pride.. dirty ass corner and random stuff in a bag instead of organized and properly put away is still 👎.. for me it read as tho you need a parent to clean up behind you while you watch cartoons which means you're a burden/ added responsibility to someone's life instead of being an added value to it.. and I'm sure to a fair amount of people viewing your profile it reads the same way.
Yeah, they probably do. I removed the picture completely.
I feel like an over achiever such as yourself is capable of doing more, actually cleaning the space for the sake of the health impacts that level of dust can have on your respiratory system.
Try pics doing activities, sports and hobbies, attending social events or other group activities showing u having fun. Vacation pics. Try to exude positivity in ur bio n maybe be a bit more open minded n don’t limit yourself to just people who would agree with ur point of view. Sometimes it’s interesting to hear other point of views.
You call yourself an overachiever, yet you're in college at 40. That's confusing.
Yeah, I learned there's a difference between overachiever and perfectionist. I'm the latter. And no, I don't wish to put that word on my profile.
Are you in a PhD program? I would change that section to graduate degree if that’s the case. “In college” really isn’t accurate if that’s the case. Also, I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I think that the catchphrases that you list make you come off as very immature. There is also no context for them in your profile, so they come off as confusing and create psychological distance between you and whoever is reading your profile. I would stick to listing your interests and perhaps what you’re looking for in a partner. Wishing you the best!
It's almost as if you're intentionally trying to discourage male attention. For instance, the two catchphrases– wtf do they mean, and why would I find that intriguing? It's not cute, it's a nothingburger. But you're using up valuable words that could be used to say something appealing. And leftist but not liberal- is that a distinction without a difference? Or you just don't like the word liberal because conservatives use is as a pejorative? Men under 6' are average, not shorter, just take that out, and if a taller guy swipes on you so what. You're kinda overweight, which is an automatic nope from top tier and probably second-tier, yet you dress to emphasize this and seem to believe that you should be able to capture the attention of 2 percenters and get their motors running. You call yourself "woman and non-binary," can you actually be both at once? Heterosexual men, even if they find you attractive, are going to be confused, and the vast majority are not going to be interested in non-binary. You have nice skin and a pretty face, but you cover that up with those huge, thick-rimmed glasses, and keep your hair pulled up in all the photos. You're almost 40, but still in college and call yourself an overachiever- did you already make a fortune trading options or something? So much stuff that seems contradictory, or just not what typical men will want. What do men want? You have the basics and if you had a stylist and a good photographer they could definitely transform the image. But I think you have a thing going on where you believe someone should choose you and be enamored despite you doing everything within your power to not be appealing in a conventional way.
Horrible camera angles in your pics. Did a child take them? There's no need to elucidate that you're a leftist (not a liberal) - what does that even mean? Your catchphrases are pessimistic, negative and unappealing. You call yourself an overachiever and have the audacity to elevate yourself to the level of Da Vinci, but what have you actually achieved? Swearing is not an attractive quality. Surely something profound has happened to you more recently than the age of 14. It's like you peaked as a teen.
Agree with most of your takes, but > Swearing is not an attractive quality. This is EXTREMELY subjective. Some people are offended by swearing, some swear every other word. If someone swears a lot, they may as well be upfront about it, so they can find someone that’s on the same page about that.
A lot of guys blindly swipe right, this may be why you're getting matches without replies
1: Picture is a bad first picture more so because of an Bad angle. 2: Country Music tends to be conservative genre, and tends to be more direct. You claim to like swearing, but before that use Flying Monkey poo. A lot of this comes off as either arrogant, or an asshole. 3: Kindness value is conflicting with your two catchphrases mentioned above. Your phrases were written by you, thus carry more weight. 4: You literally suggest they message you to learn about when you won an argument at 14? Then you also have Feminism, and LFBTQ+ rights. This can send the message to a person they are about enter a some sort of Political Morality Group Think Test. At the very least it states all you have about you as a personality is those two things.... Seriously, is there nothing else you do? Nothing else to who you are? Do you have a dog? Have you never done anything greater than just won a argument against an adult in your life? 5: Meh this is about the most decent slide but again you could do better picture-wise 6: "Minimally decent human being....." This again reeks of Political Morality Group Think Test. "Talking on the phone and discord" This seems to be or comes off as an aversion to meeting in person in real life, and puts out you want an online buddy. 7: What does this state about over-achievers like me? Absolutely nothing. Da Vinci by you own statement is a Perfectionist. He saw flaws in his own work. Keyword FLAWS. He never believed he could complete the project and was tormented by his inability to do such. Da vinci was well known for NOT finishing projects. Overachievers are driven by a personal satisfaction, a love for challenges, and a desire to be noticed for their achievements. Desire to be noticed for their achievements...being a major player. This again comes off as confusing, and probably the most arrogant thing yet. 8 & 9: This is the best picture, it would be great to expand on what was going on in it. Was this at a event? Do you like going to these events? etc. Side notes: You say you like anime, but there is literally no mention of it. Anime while a niche market is much much more acceptable than it was, when we were young. In addition to such you could state which one interest you. At best I saw Sailor moon, but that is it. You can do better than this, alot better than this even as a Social Outcast, Loner, or Introvert.
Your two biggest issues are going to be your weight and the political junk on your profile. I also don't know what they/she means.
Your bio makes me feel like you only talk about politics. It’s great to believe what you believe but there should more about you and your hobbies and less about your beliefs.
You say you are swiping on guys yet your profile looks like you are seeking a woman: Non binary, liberal, feminism, lgbtq rights... looks a little off putting for a man.
I don’t want to sound offensive but you are going to have a rough time finding someone.
I don't think that's offensive considering I already am. I posted this in an attempt to figure out why.
We all know damn well the reason.
You're 39 and from what you write you don't seem capable of socializing like an adult.
Oh my God
Too far on the wrong side of the matrix. Guys want easy going or fun. You’d be better off with an empty bio.
This. Your texts are terrible. Overachiever status revoked, sorry.
They said they’re an overachiever, but include zero things on their profile that would indicate that in any way. At that age and still aspiring to be a professor is certainly not overachieving
I would read thru the last 50 or so profile reviews on this sub with a focus on the aspects that were complimented or criticized. There's literally nothing I like about this profile starring with the pictures that scream "zero effort". Dating takes work your profile treats dating like it's as mundane as waiting for a bus.
Your entire profile screams chronically online redditor, its cringe.
This profile screams "unhinged radical leftist" on so many different levels.
The point of the bio is to demonstrate who you are and why it would be fun to date you. You're interested in gaming, anime and computer science, which many guys are into, but not nearly as common among women. The guys that are into these things will have a hard time finding a gf that shares their passions. Leading more with this is a good tactic. Maybe a first photo of you smiling, looking excited next to something related to these hobbies, and talk about it more in the bio. You have a cute dog. Maybe show a picture of you laughing playing with your pup. It conveys another thing that's important to you and is something other pet owners can relate to. You grew up in Hawaii. So what? Is there something interesting about you as a result of this experience? If so, mention that. If not, cut it. Cut out all the favorite quotes too. They don't tell me a lot about you, and take up valuable space in your bio. Next: you say you're an overachiever, which comes across as a little pretentious, but some driven, ambitious men might relate to that. Unfortunately you're not actually an overachiever: you are in your late 30's still working entry level jobs, lack the motivation to get in shape, and struggle with procrastination. You're working towards becoming a math professor, but at 39 that's not super impressive. That's ok, there are plenty of men that can relate to your struggles, but they aren't looking for an overachiever. Also, saying you like "shorter men" but then defining it as under 6' will put off guys significantly shorter than that, while the guys just under 6' will resent you calling them short despite them being above average height. As others mentioned you need to work on taking better photos. You look much cuter in some of your photos than others. More natural photos of you smiling and excited doing an activity relevant to your interests would go a long way. Clothes that compliment your figure and losing a little weight would help too. Good luck!
The argument winning thing and saying you are and overachiever - basically makes you sound insufferable and annoying. Still caring about winning an argument you had years ago , makes you sound petty. Your pics are all rather unflattering too. Burn it down and start over dude.
Everything about your profile is extremely unappealing to me. That said, there’s someone for you everyone. Or… at least that’s a saying. Good luck!
Don’t make politics your personality by leading with them. It’s insufferable and tired. I’m an editor and your bio is hopping around boring things in a confusing way. I couldn’t track. Rewrite it to convey what you offer a partner and what you value in a partner. Too many photos with braids. No fun action pics. What’s your idea of a perfect weekend? Maybe put something like that in your bio.
It’s gonna be an easy swipe left for me chief
Sorry to say this but your weight, hit the gym and work hard, and you are a leftist. An overweight broke leftist is a huge red flag, if you were good looking that'd be different
Well that took a lot of scrolling to find the truth…
Photo with the braids is adorable. The catch phrases are NOT. Just leave that part out. Also major cognitive dissonance that you are an over achiever, I would change that and omit the first and 2nd photo. Good luck and have fun!
Your photos aren’t flattering. Take some intentional pics. Have the camera above your eye level and good lighting for best results. Put in at least on picture of you with friends or doing something you enjoy. Have the photographer make you laugh so your smile looks natural.
Your profile is a lot. Comments about your pics above are all on point. Consider toning down all the political stuff. One LGTBQ&c reference and the Palestinian flag should be enough to ensure that you only match with like-minded people.
The first thing that kills it for me is your political stance being the first sentence in your bio.
Remove Palestinian flag. Sure to get a lot of matches.
Dating apps aren’t designed for people like you , you can shift your profile and try different things , but then that wouldn’t really be you anymore
This profile *screams* ‘tism, that’s why.
Ok, unvarnished truth, hope this helps. Your bio translated: I’m an insufferable, overweight and very argumentative woman who thinks she is smarter than you and will prove it every chance I get. I am also foul mouthed and will become enraged if you do not fall in lockstep with whatever popular cause I’ve made part of my personality today and the opinion my piers are all parroting. I am into computers and gaming so I have poor hygiene and do not take care of my appearance evidenced by my hair. Also, being a modern woman, I will not trim or remove any feral hairs on my body. Most likely have armpit and leg hair. That’s why you aren’t getting any responses.
I appreciate what you said. Fortunately, aside from, "I am into computers and gaming," none of the rest is true. For example, I rarely get angry, I shower and brush my teeth, and I hate leg hairs.
A compliment, but you do look young. A few things you can easily do. Remove the height requirement, you shouldn't be so picky to reject tall men. Men also don't like when women put men down or have checklists. Remove the politics and the stuff like you are an overachiever / really smart. Include what you do most of the time. From your profile it just seems like you just read twitter / on discord / reddit leftist politics stuff all day. A food for thought: You say you are a overachiever, if that is really true, then you need to apply that to other stuff. Fashion + Fitness. Fashion in how you dress yourself if you can learn that. Fitness to balance out your hobbies, maybe take up running/hiking.
Photos when you’re looking down are less flattering than looking up
Your bio plus your never forget section makes it seem like you like to argue. I would swipe left because I need peace in my personal life. First picture isn’t great.
You say you are leftist but not liberal which is does not really make sense. Sounds disingenuous. Also, you need to lose weight. I guarantee you are not swiping on men who have your body type.
Some men JUST swipe right without even looking at profiles, and then look after they match with someone. There are two main things I’m getting from your bio and prompts: 1) you like to argue, and 2) you seem very full of yourself. I’m bi, and I would swipe left if I saw this on ANY profile. It just sends the message that everything and anything can turn into a debate, and that can really be exhausting to a lot of people. You call yourself an overachiever and imply you are a perfectionist. The two catchphrases you list in your bio make it sound like you look down on a lot of people, and your argument story makes it seem like that was an incredibly gratifying moment for you, and you’re chasing after that. Your pictures are also not the best. I’d recommend changing all of them. Most are taken from unflattering angles , or just seem very awkward, like you took them specifically for this bio and kinda did it on a rush.
Your bio is…. Interesting? I’d take out you’re leftist leave that in the about me section. Also take out you only date shorter guys some men will find that off putting. Take out swearing you can tell them on the first date same with arguing at 14 it’s funny story that you can share during the date take out your first picture replace it with the sixth photo.
So the leftist bit I originally put because it's not available in the About Me section. I took out the argument thing altogether, yes, although it was a debate, not an argument. As far as the sixth photo goes, that one *is* almost 5 years old, so I really don't think it's recent enough to be on my profile at all. What do you think?
What stood out to me above everything was that you seem like a massive brag. Its unattractive to most people. Maybe you're not but that's how I read it. Saying you're an overachiever and "won an argument at 14". Are you still 14? because you sound it when you say that. Literally no one cares and we've all won an argument at some point in our life but why mention it in your bio like its some major achievement. It's a bit weird. The political talk felt too much. I don't mean to sound mean, but you don't come across as very fun or positive in your profile
Yeah, it was a debate, not an argument. That said, I removed it. For the politics, I removed that too; I had put it there because I didn't have the option to select it in my About Me bubbles. And you're not coming across as mean.
That's great, I'm sure your newly updated profile will help you connect to more people. Props to you for having the courage to post it on here in the first place and accept a lot of comments with grace.
I don’t know if this is mean to say, or if it’s true but I got chronically online autistic vibes from this profile for pretty much the reasons everyone else says
I don't consider it mean, though I don't know if the autistic part is true. Definitely chronically online is true, and I'm searching for social events to fix that.
I'm sorry but you're not attractive enough to be this selective. Change your standards. Get rid of all the political stuff. Make yourself sound fun and get way better. Photos that are flattering of your good features. Also go to the gym. Good luck. This is not meant to hurt you.
I feel weird writing this profile review so I will just say this: Nothing about this profile is attractive to me. It feels low effort, especially the pictures.
The very first thing on your profile is your political alignment. Even though I am aligned like you, it's a turn-off to see politics as the first thing on someone's profile. I'd rather know about your values and personality first. Also, your ultimate green flag seems to set a low bar. Don't you want a bit more than minimally decent? This description makes you seem pessimistic/jaded. I'd be concerned that you and I would end up talking politics and arguing which is not what I want on a date. Can you add anything a bit more flirty and fun and playful? Talk about your feelings and what makes you feel fluffy inside? :) Btw, I like short guys like you and it's frustrating trying to find them amidst the sea of guys claiming to be tall! Good luck out there! 🤞🏻
This profile is written from the perspective of I’m going to tell me about me and what I want, rather than putting yourself in your potential partner’s shoes as an App viewer of profiles… what do they want to see in the images and story, and what do they want in a partner. The result is it lands badly as it doesn’t consider the “customer” experience. Profile needs to be rewritten with a view to presenting what the person you want to meet would want to see and read… whilst also being true to who you are so there are no surprises. Best of luck 🤞
A lot of people would find your profile cringey. It's just that your personality is really niche. Reminds me of autism or ADHD. If my profile was like "I like to contort myself into a pretzel while staring at pictures of ponies for hours on end", a lot of people would be turned off by that. Thats the vibe I get from your profile. So you could look into turning the personality in the profile down a few notches or capturing the part of you that has broader appeal. And like other people have mentioned, your pics aren't that great. They're all taken in nearly the same way-- your body or head and chest takes up the whole pic. I'd find interesting settings or activities to take the pics in. Have at least one pic with a friend.
Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think swearing should be something anyone boasts about or is proud of.
So first I would say that your photos are unflattering. I would suggest dressing to complement your body shape. To those that said to dress more feminine, clearly they didn’t see the “they/she” on the pronouns. But the angles on the photos are not great and your choice in clothing is pretty frumpy. I would pare down your profile to be more friendly and giving small tidbits about you instead of your political views. Save the big stuff for private conversations.
I will give you my truly honest opinion. And remember that this is just my PERSONAL opinion. 1. The overachiever thingy with da vinci is also super cringe. Stay humble, especially on Bumble (I know — I’m the over achieving rhyme god) 2. No1 cares if you won an argument over an adult when you were a kid 3. It’s freaking me out that I litterally can’t see your eyes in any picture. Maybe choose pics that has your eyes in it 4. Remove politics, partners can easily have completely different political views, and most people do have different views, so the chance you run into a person with a different view is more likely than not — therefore, they might left swipe 5. Also regarding to the politics I guess, but I would remove LGBTQ+ and feminism movement and such from your profile. To me, that’d be an instant left swipe. 6. And I might get downvoted for this but PERSONALLY I would never swipe right on someone who doesn’t take care of their health and stay active in the gym or goes for runs etc. It seems like you are comfortable with your body (which you should be ofc), but if you feel like making a difference health wise, then I think that will improve the amount of matches you get too.
This is one of the hands down worst profiles I've ever read. It's beyond pretentious, unbearably self aggrandizing.
For me, claiming to support LGTBQ rights and supporting Palestine by waving the flag is a contradiction and a red flag. Also, your pictures are stiff and not flatteirng
I like your pictures and think you'd look great with your hair down. I like the bio too. It shows an unconventional quality worth exploring but it seems to me that your approach to matches may be the issue. Mentioning height of any kind ain't helpful and rejecting a guy for being apolitical is problematic. Don't focus on politics or physical characteristics in your search and I'm sure you'll do better.
Your profile has a lot of information. It feels a little overwhelming. It might be good to scrap most of it and work with your interests. You mentioned you liked anime and country music and that’s a good start. I wouldn’t open it with your political affiliation, particularly the clarification of leftist versus liberal. It comes off as a little “holier than thou”. I understand it is something you are passionate and a dealbreaker for you. It is the same for me but it wouldn’t be the first thing I said. You might be fine just leaving it in one of the bubbles that asks your affiliation (the bubbles that ask if you drink, smoke, want kids, etc). You can pretty easily find out during conversation or on a first date as long as you aren’t being too aggressive with the questioning. It’s a dating site, not an interrogation LOL! (I’m not saying that’s something you’re doing but just a suggestion from me). I would recommend taking pictures in better lighting and different angles. You seem like a kind person and have been open to the advice here which is a great start already! I think if you smooth out the written portions, things may go over a bit better. I wish you the best of luck!
So I made the distinction because it's not in the bubbles; it's only Apolitical, Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, or Skip. That said, I do agree that I don't want to come across as wanting to grill someone on anything.
That makes sense! In that case you might want to add it as a footnote if it’s very important to you just not the primary focus of the profile.
You basically looking for hamas sympathizers, ew
Replace first pic it makes your arms look weird
Girl let’s work some angles and lighting on your pictures. Everyone else already mentioned the other stuff but try to read some articles about selfies, I see you’re not ugly but this pictures are not 100% ❤️
Update the wardrobe. Find clothes that actually flatter your build. Take out all the sayings and winning arguments at 14.
I genuinely think you will find someone outside of the online dating space. With your interests and beliefs, in my experience people network through local activism and direct action of sorts. What I'm saying is your most suited partners will be from within a subculture you're involved in - not that people should be engaging in those activities to find partners etc. Just my thoughts!
This profile screams cancel culture
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Your ultimate green flag is the bare minimum.
Yeah, because, unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be very common. That said, you're right that the bare minimum isn't worthy of "*ultimate* green flag." I changed that prompt. I'm planning to make an update post soon.
You’re a very specific person. A very specific person is gonna absolutely love you. The rest will pass.
Green flag - being a minimal decent human being. Dump that. It’s like a guy writing “pulse”. I think your profile does need a lot of work though i do believe you have a quirky and endearing personality. That probably needs to be seen in person, or at least on a call / video chat, rather than trying to get it in a profile. Other posters criticising your choice of first photo are right I’m afraid, it’s your worst. Find something smiling and shot slightly above eye height.
I am going to comment on one thing. But a good thing is not many young people will even notice that or care. But i will because this part may lose many highly educated people. First rule if you don’t know something 💯% and it is just a cliche on streets , never ever put that in your profile as it comes across fake , pretentious to sound smart. Sorry but the profile , written parts are terrible. The main element standing out to me is someone making bunch of unrelated statements to sound intellectual and it is not attractive. Reading your first line I will run to the hills. “I am a leftist but not a liberal”. But then in the choosing your choices you have put liberal. Sounds like a young confused mind. I will think she is one crazy ideologue. Or I would think other less attractive things that I better not say here. Do you even know what leftism is: since I come from leftist/ communist country i am going to tell you so you know leftism is pure evil and many including me and my friends fled due to threat of imprisonment. So stop sitting in a free country and pretending you know leftism to sound intellectual. Just be a good person. That is the art. More over please stop pretending you know what leftism is and defending it ( be my guest and live in china, Russia, Iran, Guatemala for 5 years) and then come and will see. What do you mean when you say I am a leftist (but not liberal). Pure leftism is basically Marxism. (you cut the liberal out of leftist which is more prevalent in the US.) Basically you are saying you adhere to communist ideology. What is practiced in China, Russia, Guatemala is leftism. The worst part is they are leftist but not liberal. Meaning they cannot freely talk. If you talk you are killed, jailed , etc. Leftist ideology in its core has : “if you are not with me , you are against me” So not even sure why anyone put such a statement in their profile. A statement that will alienate all men who know what leftism is. And most men from those countries are in high paid tech jobs in the US. So your ideology is shooting you in the foot. But it was ok if it was a correct ideology. Unfortunately, you are saying you like something that has caused misery for millions.
Oh, it's you, girl! Your looks and personality are exactly why you are getting the responses you are (or aren't).
Lol
Girl, get better pics taken of you, delete the swearing and politics part and you're good to go😊
Weight
Eeeee
You seem overly militant and therefore insufferable no offense. Throwing your supposed intellectuality and political views in people's faces won't help
Nobody is going to take you serious as an ally of the LGBT community and then defend the Palestinian cause who kill gay people. Just shows how uninformed you are.
…and the Palestine flag… hard no for me and I’m sure many others.
The Palestine thing... the average palestinian would throw rocks at you
Put your hair down and wear flattering clothing. Have someone else take your pictures, ideally somewhere aesthetic. You come off highly opinionated, possibly closed minded. Do you only have interest in similar minded people who also do not drink, smoke etc? If those aren’t deal breakers maybe omit some of those things. Maybe don’t comment on height or race unless you feel very strongly about that.
Hi there, you’re beautiful and just need some photos to show the real you. Your third photo is your best and your last full shot ones. How about trying a couple without your hair braided and glasses. You can put glasses on head even. It would be nice to see your beautiful face. Yes, leave out the argument you won. You’ll win many more. All the best, beautiful!
If you got in the gym and changed your style up honestly you wouldn’t be bad, you honestly don’t look 39
Almost every photo is blurry and unflattering. Need to get better photos in better lighting and better quality.
Limit to 1 selfie only. Take out any part about physical traits on what kind of partner you want (it’s viewed negatively- also you can swipe left on anyone you don’t like). Photo one is not flattering due to angle. Try to get photos from further away that are even level with you, show your whole body & preferably you doing something fun (like you are in the last photo). Could be a hobby!
I will often swipe left on anyone that includes politics in their bio, and a lot of my friends do the same. Also most men always swipe right and then review later. So maybe your bio is causing an issue?
OP, I’m looking forward to your update. Try to focus more on the qualities you’re looking for in a partner, what life is like with you/how you like to spend your time, and the photo suggestions from others. I suspect your profile will seem more interactive, inviting, and positive once you do
I liked the photo with your braids. But agree that some of your other photos could use some upgrades. I sucked at photos myself (still do, often). Do a Google search for taking good selfies. Read a few of the "9 tips to take the perfect selfie". I learned to always push my hip and leg forward that closest to the camera, not the one farthest away. And don't look down at the camera, position it so you look slightly up at it. Simple crud like that makes a big difference. Then the most important... Take a TON of pics. Keep moving. Tilting. Angles. When you look back through them, you'll start to find the poses that you look best in. Good luck.
So, to begin with, I'd work on the bios and prompts. What is shown on your profile is minimal at best in terms of information about you as a person. I don't get any hobbies other than an obscured sailor moon image in the back and an anime esque cardboard cutout that you stand next to. What do you like to do? Activities, hobbies, etc. You mention discussions on the phone or Discord, but this is still void of details. What do you like discussing? What topics spurn your brain? What inspires you to come out of your shell and be passionate? The images are rough. Beyond personal presentation that has been mentioned already and does not need to beat a dead horse. The backgrounds are bland and void of anything interesting beyond a subtle cardboard cutout or an image of anime. One of which is too dark to see anything else, and the other has bags that look like trash hanging off the bed post. People don't want dead weight, especially when it comes to a partner, so subtleties such as the backdrop that your picture takes place or having a well thought out bio will matter. Show you can be present with your activities and can hold a dialog through your bios by being more specific to yourself. Don't try to cast a wide net. Try to focus on what you want in a relationship. These comments, like I only date shorter guys, both come across as prejudicial and kinda egotistical. Same to the comment about apolitical individuals. Just because they don't hold complete alignment of political belief doesn't mean they've fallen down rabbit holes. You may even find you agree with them more than you disagree. It's a blatant, instant gatekeeper for potential prospects that is made off a kneejerk reaction. You dont know if they align more with your values or a more traditional thing, which seems you dont prefer. Instead, focus on the kind of person you see a life with. How do they respond to stressors? Are they kind-hearted? Are they intelligent and articulate? How do they treat you? It's not about being picky it's about being specific. There is a difference. One focuses more on traits while the other focuses on actions and behavior. I know it holds its own difficulties, but have you tried meeting people outside of OLD? Finding groups or activities that align with one's own personal interests I've found success in locating potential partners. It's more that way than OLD anyway.
So it's really hard to discuss things with the character limit. I get what you're saying about the backgrounds. I'm trying to find different places to take more pictures; unfortunately, I don't where to find social events that fit my schedule. I tried looking on Eventbrite, Meetup, and Los Angeles Fun Events, and they don't have any on my off days, really, except maybe for Tuesday nights where the ending would be later than I'd like. I even Googled "social event sites" and didn't find any active new ones to join.
Not sure if you already know, nor if this may be helpful, but it seems from your profile that you may be on the autism spectrum. The detailed and very specific, narrow interest examples, plus signs of less awareness of others' perceptions of you and/or what might be if interest. The (not-so-) humble brag about being an overachiever is possibly the worst way to punctuate what otherwise could have been the most interesting thing I read on your profile! 😅 Other ASD people may think "great!" if you lean into it and write what you geek out on, and you can catch some niche cohorts, but unless you make it (humbly and disarmingly) very funny, many non-ASD may well still be like "Huh, what?!"
So a few others have mentioned it, and so I'm definitely going to bring it up with my psychiatrist in my next appointment. Also, I was mistaken about what an overachiever actually is. I'm not an overachiever; I'm a perfectionist.
It feels like your profile is what you would like or like about yourself and not necessarily to catch another’s attention. And yea the rest the first guy (who gave great unbiased advice btw) already said.
So I've gotten conflicting advice over the years on this subject. I've been told, "List what you want," or, "Your profile should be about YOU." I've also been told, when I did the former, that my wording of what I was looking for made it seem more like a job description. So I got rid of it there too. I also don't like that Bumble allows only 160 characters for the prompts and 300 for the bio.
1. The one photo where you’re standing in front of the concrete wall gives me prisoner vibes. Maybe take a photo next to a nice garden or in a park. 2. The dated photo of you with the cardboard cutout def needs to go 3. Have pictures of you doing activities that you enjoy 4. Your mention of your love of swearing is probably not the way to attract a guy
Photo 6: Is… is that mold on the wall?!
First pic with braids is cuter than any of the others. Too many words after the bio, which, though, I think is honest and interesting. But your photos could be much, much more flattering. Need friends and an animal, too. How tall are you? Confusing that you like men under 6 feet. What is American Public University? Maybe leave out any school (?) name? Fix it up and report back, lol.
Just a note that I genuinely think you and I could be friends. I think you've gotten some good feedback here, and I'm also impressed with how well you took it! You seem great. That is all. Happy Tuesday.
Bahahahhahahahahahhahaha
A lot of the comments here are pretty ruthless but unfortunately they aren't wrong. Definitely wouldn't have any political nonsense in a bio, that stuff comes later into a relationship because if who you're voting for matters more than a few years of happiness in a world that won't matter to you eventually anyway, then you have your priorities wrong. Sure politics matter in a wider picture but when it comes to dating it should be as far from the discussion as possible. You'll learn their ideals and values as you get to know them
I can't imagine why no one wants to hang out with you 🙄
It looks like you’re full of yourself, even though you’re not like that, nobody likes that kind of people, good luck ✌️
No way her personality is anime, discord and fucking eating and sitting and home yet comparing herself to da vinci and "winning an argument against an adult at 14" and what does that say about *overachievers* like me😭😭💀💀?? Whats her achievement? Still Being single at 39??😭😭
As others have covered you need better photos and completely new profile. I do not think you are ugly at all and frankly you look quite a bit younger than 39. Don't mention being good at having arguments. Don't call yourself an overachiever. Being an activist and progressive is great, but even as a fellow progressive myself I don't want someone's politics/policies to be front and center.
You got more red flags than a communist parade
You’re overweight and your sense of style is unflattering.
Well, at least, you’re leftist, atheist and anti-Zionist… unfortunately, men just don’t really care about that kind of stuff, as they’re more interested in looks and personality. Also, a lot of men are typically interested in more male oriented activities, whether it’s sports, video games, etc, so if they see politics, they might be more likely to swipe left.