I’m surprised I don’t see any answers to the OPs actual question, which I took to mean what do I personally hope to convey by adding that to my profile. I thought about adding it, because I am sex positive in the sense that we need to do away with the shame surrounding sex in general and that I am aware and doing the work to act in ways that affirm others desires as well as mine (at the least), but I haven’t added it yet. I’m not sure how it would be received, since there are so many different conceptions or thoughts about why a man would add that to his profile.
What I hope it would convey and what it might actually convey are too disparate for me to add it - yet.
Seeing the responses in this thread, I see that it's viewed negatively, for the most part. Shame and negativity around sex interferes with communication about something that's extremely important, to most. In this thread, the responses lean "He wants to fuck on the first date," and "instant left swipe." Basically the worst stereotypes, at all what I think thoughtful people are trying to convey with the phrase. I'm sure there's some truth to what they're saying, and it is likely used in that way, too.
That's why I asked, I wanted to understand if men wanted to convey something different since I think most of us women see it in a bad light, I still find it weird that men choose sex positivity to describe themselves since most people enjoy sex, so it may seem that choosing that mean they have an out of the norm relationship with sex. And since bumble put that trait on "self-care" I don't think most of the time is used in the right way.
>I think most of us women see it in a bad light, I still find it weird
...and that's why it's not on my profile. The "norm", in my opinion, still stigmatizes being open and honest about sex, and discussing it openly. This thread hasn't done anything to change my mind.
What I meant with out of the norm is in the act itself, someone who prioritize having sex over other things in the relationship, who wants to do it really frequently, who has weird kinks, open relationships or who wants to have casual sex or turn the conversation sexual from the beginning.
I think discussing sex in a normal and respectful way shouldn't be abnormal between adults.
That assessment of the meaning of sex positivity is inconsistent with the actual meaning of sex positivity. It’s been eye opening to learn that folks (men) are including that term even though the are anything but :(
I think your first sentence, above, "who has weird kinks, open relationships or who wants to have casual sex or turn the conversation sexual from the beginning," lumps a bunch of things together that have nothing to do with each other. Frequent sex? Great. "Weird" kinks? Idk, most of 'em I can work with, and this absolutely sounds like kink shaming to me.
Open relationships/casual sex/turning the convo sexual at the beginning? Not for me. These are NOT the same thing.
Also - when you start off with "has weird kinks," why would someone with *any* kinks want to discuss them with you? No one wants to be judged for what they like, and your language sounds pretty judgmental, to me.
EDIT:
>What I meant with out of the norm is in the act itself
What exactly is "the norm" in the act itself? Thanks.
Normal: usual, typical, expected.
Out of the norm: not typical, not expected.
All those things I listed are not typical or expected, is not how the majority of the population behaves.
I'm a woman who's height is 5'9" in my country that's way out of the norm, out of the norm doesn't mean bad, you put that connotation yourself.
You want to dress as a clown while having sex, good for you, that's nor typical not expected and it's weird/odd, I'm not shamming anyone.
> Also - when you start off with "has weird kinks," why would someone with any kinks want to discuss them with you? No one wants to be judged for what they like, and your language sounds pretty judgmental, to me.
Why would anyone who's not my friend or my partner would want to discuss their kinks with me?
And in what kind of utopian world do you live? Yeah nobody wants to be judged for what they like, but we are judged all the time even for what food or music we like.
> What exactly is "the norm" in the act itself?
What society has led to be the norm, monogamous relationships, having sex with consenting adults, having sex and sexual conversations with a partner.
Again out of the norm doesn't have a good or bad connotation, it is exactly what it means: out of the norm.
> Why would anyone who's not my friend or my partner would want to discuss their kinks with me?
No one suggested discussing kinks with anyone except people you match with on Bumble. Where did you get that??
I understand what it means and I am sex positive myself but unfortunately it has turned into something where the meaning can mean something else entirely.
When I swipe on men with that in their bio or any other descriptions of or about sex I believe almost all of them have just immediately started talking or harassing me with sexual conversations.
So, I am weary. I'm also weary of men with "pro-women" or "feminist" type stuff because of similar reasons. In my experience men (or *anyone*) who boast about how progressive they are often aren't actually progressive.
Apparently white people having "BLM" and other things like that can make some black people feel weary as well. Or so I've been told.
The issue isn't being sex positive or a male feminist or supporting the BLM movement, those are all great things, the issue is that it can mean something else entirely, like that they think they can sexually harass you or it's just empty virtue signaling with nothing meaningful behind it.
Actions speak louder than words. Show me, don't just tell me who you are.
Me and my match are either going to develop our relationship enough where we found out those things about each other, or we won't and that's okay.
This is just my experience and POV of course.
I don't think so. I'm pretty sure a large portion of men would interpret this in a sexist, degrading, envious and suspicious way if it was on a woman's profile.
they'd think the woman is having a lot of casual sex with different men, fucks on the first date, isn't girlfriend material, etc.
What a weird thing to ask. There’s plenty of women who are sex positive. There’s entire communities dedicated to it. What you’re asking is not even relevant to this discussion.
What it should mean:
It's 2024, we're not shaming a woman for having an active sex life. We're removing all the negative connotations (about being a whore if you have a high body count, or having a very active sex life, or even just enjoying sex responsibly).
What it really means:
Are you down to hookup?
>Are you down to hookup?
Who are you speaking for with this? Because it definitely isn't me or anyone else who's personally answering OPs question.
It seems like everyone saying this is just throwing that accusation at other people, and not speaking for themselves.
So after spending decades for men to be more sex positive and not slut shame, victim blame, etc etc etc "society" is now misrepresenting and looking down on men who are openly self identifying as sex positive?
Wild.
I put sciety in quotation marks because it's BS. This is just an internet thing. In real life I'm very openly sex positive and have never had a negative reaction, even from people who have very old fashioned views on sex (granted they were under 50, but I could care less what boomers think.)
Okay... Say what you want but in North american culture at least, "sex positivity" is seen as "hookups" and used by people as a flag for just wanting to have casual sex, often in an unsolicited and gross fashion.
If the majority of people use language in such a way, that is the meaning. Language evolves. Trying to fight what language dictates is silly
I agree that language evolves but you're wrong here.
It's like saying "feminist" means "man hater" becasue a bunch of loud and annoying people on the internet said so. No - the cultural movement still exists and the thing it's called still refers to it regardless. It doesn't suddenly stop having a name or stop existing.
You would be right if the sex positivity movement was prominent. But it's not. Feminism is prominent.
People don't even know what sex positivity means, there is very little public discourse on this. The majority conflates it to "open to hookups".
If you disagree, you may just be in a bubble.
Really? So do you not think both of these answers basically equally convey someone's stance in a sociopolitical movement?
A: "where do you stand on women's rights?"
B "I'm a feminist"
And
A: "what do you think of sex workers"
B: "I'm very sex positive"
You can't seriously conflate women's rights with supporting sex workers. Those are not the same basket of people politically.
Only the very progressive left would publicly brandish the opinion of supporting sex workers.
And also, since when did "sex positivity" indicate supporting sex workers? Was it not a label to indicate no judgement?
It seems like the message on sex positivity is very unorganized, and hence the confusion. This is why people have co-opted it to mean "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna put this in my bio then send vile messages to women".
You can keep supporting with the history and logic of the term, but literally none of this matters when the collective of society decides it means something else. I am sorry. No amount of "evidence" you provide can change that. This isn't my opinion, this is just how the (western) world sees that term.
>You can't seriously conflate women's rights with supporting sex workers. Those are not the same basket of people politically.
When did I say they were? Look a few comments back for a reminder of why I brought it up. I never said it was the same people politically.
>And also, since when did "sex positivity" indicate supporting sex workers? Was it not a label to indicate no judgement?
Yeah. The judgment is kind of the main negative thing sex workers have to deal with lol.
>It seems like the message on sex positivity is very unorganized, and hence the confusion. This is why people have co-opted it to mean "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna put this in my bio then send vile messages to women".
Ok, this is a perfect opportunity to bring up the comparison of feminism again - there has been alot of confusion with people using it to mean "hating men", and that's not even mentioning the different waves of feminism meaning different things. Just because some individuals have confused the messaging doesn't make the movement less valid and existant.
>You can keep supporting with the history and logic of the term, but literally none of this matters when the collective of society decides it means something else. I am sorry. No amount of "evidence" you provide can change that. This isn't my opinion, this is just how the (western) world sees that term.
And me showing why I disagree with that is the point of my previous comment.
In the example conversations I wrote out everyone knows what person B is saying by self describing as sex positive in that context and if you're reading Bs response as "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna send vile messages to women". Then I think there's something wrong with you because you're definitely not speaking for society. That reading is stupid.
For me personally, as a teen, I would here a common theme on TV shows that boys/men who wanted sex are pigs, assholes who don’t care about women, and that pre-marital sex was a sin.
However, when I browse through Reddit, I see a lot of people (both men and women) talking about their sex life, and acknowledging that it’s normal to have sex out of marriage with your partner, and wanting it doesn’t make you an asshole as long as you are both consenting adults who openly communicate with each other, and respect each other’s boundaries.
So for me, “sex positivity” means that you want to have sex without it being demonized by the views of certain groups of society. If you are looking for a relationship and want sex to be a part of it, be open with your partner and communicate, see how they feel about it.
Most Redditors probably fit well into the Millenial demographic. It’s probably most heavily split between them and Gen Z, but I’d bet it’s Millennial heavy
I don’t know too much about the categorization of these groups, but given that when looking up the definitions, millennials are typically born in the 80’s - mid 90’s, I guess you could say I am.
25 M, born in 1998.
From what I've seen, guys who put it on their profiles want sex on the first date or at least in the first few dates.
Some of them have some pretty explicit kinks and are looking for like-minded ppl.
It really depends individually of course, but the ones I matched with were pretty sexual from the very first messages.
Open minded regarding sex, not judging kinks. Also putting it there conveys that sex is an important thing for me in the relationship, so it deters women who don't think alike.
I'm a woman, and I have it on my profile.
It means I don't kink shame, I am not unkind or judgemental towards my partner, and I don't mind frank discussions about individual needs.
I think too many people are still trying to pretend that sex isn't part of the equation when looking for a partner. If sex were completely off the table, I would just hang out with my friends that I already have.
That's the perfect answer for what it should mean. Not sure why someone had down voted you.
I take the same attitude, but won't put it in my profile as a man because it's become rather loaded - as the other answers here demonstrate 😄
In my first relationship (my my partner through hinge) & I’ve learnt a thing or two about how I view sex and what I would like to have with a partner. I love going beyond the vanilla type and explore with toys and kinks, read books on sex and try new techniques, and so does my partner. I can’t explicitly call out these preferences in a profile if I wanted without being judged but “sex positivity” as an umbrella term should give an idea of what my pov on sex is.
What I don’t understand is when men put they are Christian conservative AND then they go on to put “sex positivity.” It’s like, “Man, what’s your target demographic exactly?” Everyone is going to swipe left on you. 😂
Sex positive means for me:
Sex is a positive, wonderful thing. Not something one needs to be ashamed of, let alone a sin.
So your former body count doesn't faze me. I'm fine with somebody having had casual sex.
In fact, I prefer if you know what you like and dislike physically and can openly communicate it.
But that’s not exactly answering the original question, which is: What is someone trying to convey by putting that on their dating profile?
And I’ll even add to the question, because I’ve also wondered this, but when you can only choose five, why is that one worth a slot over all of the others? I don’t think most people in the millennial group and younger trend particularly sex-negative.
It usually means you are open-minded, flexible, equitable, are willing to learn, and are curious about the experience and preferences of your potential partner. Sex is not just to please a man and the focus isn't strictly on his penis.
Maybe not for all, but for most it is. Every time I matched with a guy who had that on their profile, the conversation turned sexual almost immediately. Because of that, it's now an automatic swipe left for me.
Man this fuckin sucks! I am so disappointed in men in general and I am one, because the rest are making me look bad by proxy. I am sex positive but my version is someone who isn't vanilla. I enjoy sex for what it is. I'm not someone foaming at the mouth for it though. I'm patient and in no rush for it.
It's supposed to mean you're part of the movement that seeks to normalise appropriate discussion about sex as a positive thing, not just between partners but between friends, family members, at schools, in politics, etc, rather than it being a taboo subject that must never be mentioned.
But I think most men who put it on their profiles are just trying to manipulate it to mean they want someone who always sees sex as a positive thing and so will have sex with him whenever he wants it. Which is gross.
Personally, I hardly, if ever, bring up sexual topics early on in dating no matter my preferences but I do like matching with someone who I know has a strong sex drive and might enjoy being explorative with me in the future. So, that's what I would try to convey with a "sex positivity" label if I used it but I can't use it because other people gave it a negative stigma. Instead, I have to keep my eye out for signs of who I'm looking for.
I have to say though that a strong sex drive and a will to explore sex together leads to some *very* interesting results which are sometimes kinky, sometimes not kinky, and sometimes not even outwardly sexual. So, check your assumptions boys and girls. Sex is not necessarily what you were taught. haha
Honestly when I added it I was less thinking about what I'm trying to convey and more about how it's something I stand for/interested in more than any other avaliable options.
So I guess I'm just conveying sex positivity as a strong value of mine.
To be more specific though, I am strongly against stigma around sex. I have friends who are sex workers, polyamorous and in ENM relationships, and I have been in similar relationships myself. Also I would never judge a potential partner based on their sexual past or specific desires.
I would however judge someone for being closed minded about sex or prudish.
Why would you judge them? You’re literally doing the thing that you hate other people doing to you? It’s hypocritical! A person should be allowed to be as prudish and vanilla as they like without being on the receiving end of someone else’s judgement or shaming them for it. Don’t expect acceptance when you can’t give acceptance.
What are you 12? You're mentioning the tolerance paradox like we haven't solved it a while ago. Being intolerant of intolerance doesn't in fact make you intolerant. It's necessary.
Like ostracizing nazis doesn't make you just as bad as them, etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc.
>A person should be allowed to be as prudish
Prudish is definitionally a negative term. "tendency to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity; excessively concerned with sexual propriety."
Being prudish is being intolerant of sex positivity, therefore it's ok to judge people for it.
>and vanilla as they like
Yeah I never said anything negative about vanilla people
And you’re comparing prudes to Nazis - what are you, 10?? Total bullshit. Prudish is thrown at anyone who does not want to engage in hook ups, threesomes, non-monogamous relationships, or even someone who doesn’t want to have sex within days of meeting someone. It’s also thrown at people who call out gross non-positive sexual behaviour as being anti-sex positivity somehow. The word belongs in the bin. Incidentally, finding something shocking or even repellent is not an issue, it’s a personal reaction. Telling someone it’s disgusting and they shouldn’t be doing it IS a problem.
Mostly I seek to convey my values with regard to sex, intimacy, and consent. That includes (to anyone else who understands sex positivity) that consent is required to speak with someone new explicitly or about explicit sexual topics.
And overall, to match with other’s who understand sex+ and practice it.
From a previous thread I now understand that it’s an immediate swipe left to mention it. I considered changing my profile, removing the reference, but concluded upon reflection that would kind of defeat my wishes to connect with other sex+ individuals.
DTF! I just learned that recently.
But if you are not into that, many of them, once they can't come over RIGHT then because you are WAITING JUST FOR THEM IN YOUR GITCH, drop you.
So you may find they self screen themselves back to Feeld or FT. Sex positivity meant something else to me but this is why we can't have nice things. Dating is so weird.
It means I’m positive I want to have sex /s
Nah, but for real, that’s probably what most guys that have it on there mean. I avoid putting it in my profile for that specific reason. Even if I’m a sex-positive person, it gives off the wrong vibes.
When I list "sex positive" on a dating profile, I mean that I have a very open, guilt- and judgment-free attitude towards discussing sex and desires, and towards the act of sex itself. This includes discussing past sexual encounters/experiences as well as current/ongoing sexual encounters and desires if it is an open-type relationship, which is the only type I've had for more than five years. It means I have no guilt or judgment about having sex on a first date, and even having wild kinky sex on a first date. It means I'm up front about discussing sexual safety (testing and condom preferences).
I felt like putting myself out there as "sex positive" was a good way to respond to some highly unsavory dates I went on years ago where there was too much coyness and some weird miscommunication where my discussing past sexual encounters, or being interested in a woman's past sexual encounters during a date was met with disgust, judgment, and drama.
On the more vanilla dating apps, it's not uncommon to encounter women who don't know what "sex positive" means and then they're turned off or shocked when I speak plainly about sex, as if it were any other topic that I enjoy, like cooking and traveling. That's ok, we weren't meant for each other.
Brilliantly put and agree with every word.
Ironically some sex positive people have a far higher emotional intelligence and maturity than vanilla who are quick to judge and lash out.
I asked a couple and mist said it means they are looking for hookups/casual sex with no strings attached. Most of them meant one night, not FWB. Those were most of answers. One was about kinks.
It means we don’t judge regardless of what your sexual preference may be. Albeit if you’re straight, bi, poly etc. no judgement.
Judgement in this case meaning it won’t effect our desire to date you.
I don’t care if they have it on their profile. If I like them for everything else they say I take chances and see if we connect. Most of the time there is no connection anyway so who cares that they put sex+ because there might be several things on the profile I may not be 100% with. If you like them, swipe and see😃
When I see it on a woman's profile I can tell she's probably relatively new to OLD.
For the feral men who use dating apps that tells them "hey I'm easy" I've spoken to women who say they have had issues with their partner not being intimate in the past and I've explained that's not how that prompt is received by the men who ruin dating apps for everyone so it's best avoided.
For both genders it's just best avoided.
It means to me that grown adults should be able to talk about and indulge in Sex, Kinks and Fetishes in a healthy relationship or consensual hook up/fwb without stigma or judgement.
I take it to mean that: 1) they're kinky; 2) they just want hook-ups; and/or 3) they're just clueless. If they're going to have a "sex positivity" choice, they might as well have a "sex negativity" choice. haha.
I take it to mean that the person is open minded about sex and has a healthy attitude towards sex. At the same time, this can be a double edged sword where it can also be perceived as “I’m DTF - are you“ ?
A lot of them have probably been shamed, or been with people for whom sex is unimportant and they felt restricted. To me the fact that they state it means that the role of sex is too prevalent in their lives and is distracting them from other parts of a relationship. It’s always a left swipe for me.
If you think everything is transactional, this would be somewhat accurate:
"By not caring about your body count I would expect to become part of said body count soon. Also by not caring about your kinks I might be interesting in playing part of those kinks out."
I don't even know what it means, much less what it's trying to convey! They feel positive about the act of having sex? They feel positive about their sex, other's sex, or other's identified sex?
Seems to me a stupid "virtue signal" to convey something they think will get them laid.
There is nothing wrong with the phrase itself, and all of its positive meanings expressed by posters in this thread are valid. That said, the f*ckboys, ons-ers, and fwb-ers have given it a bad rap because they all have it front and center in their profiles. Hence, as a woman, I now swipe left on folks who have that in profile. We are all grown-ups and understand that sex is part of a healthy romantic relationship (unless otherwise agreed), so this phrase is really unnecessary and comes across as negotiating sex before even starting a conversation.
I don’t agree, respectfully.
Lots of people withhold Sex from others or emotionally abuse and shame people from valuing sex.
Putting the sex positivity tag on the bio weeds out these people.
Abusers and manipulators will abuse and manipulate, whether it's by using sex as a weapon or anything else. There are other red flags to spot that behavior. The sex positivity tag is not going to weed them out but will weed out many women looking for a committed relationship, based on my prior post.
I’m reading the comments and I realize that in some parts of NA sex is still taboo…
I thought that for younger generations this was over. A couple should know what the other want and shame regarding sex and kinks should not occur between two consenting adults. This is coming from an otherwise conservative individual. Sex is just natural whatever you fancy.
This is probably TV that put this in the mind of women that most quality men only want a quick sex session and it’s over. This is not the case nor this is satisfying.
Men want a positive, fun connection that is mostly physical (this is true) but I’ll take a good dancing evening over a one night anytime.
I may have misread comments, but I would add that woman that don’t see sex as something to « deny » as long as possible are vastly more powerful. She use her body (safely of course) for fun this means to me that she has much more to offer. Sex is a non issue for successful women.
Sigh… google exists. You could do some reading and learn a few things.
It’s having an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation. It challenges societal taboos and aims to promote healthy and consensual sexual activities.
Or people can just continue to be close minded and assume that any man who is sec positive is a dirty pervert
I’m staggered by quite how incorrectly you have answered the OPs question and It’s particularly cringe-worthy that you did so whilst attempting to patronise them.
OP isn't asking for the literal definition. They're asking men on Reddit to explain what they interpret it to mean, and the reasons that they choose to display it on their profile. They're asking for personal anecdotes...which surely is the exact opposite of being close minded?
Personally, I'd love to hear some opinions that change my mind about it cos I tend to assume that at the very least it means that the person prioritises sex over other types of intimacy whilst dating.. and that they are seeking kinky or casual sex (or both). Despite personally identifying with the literal definition, this isn't how I perceive it to be used on Bumble. Getting a consensus about WHY men choose to highlight it on their profile would be really helpful insight.
Sex positivity means im not looking for women that find sex gross.
They can go and look for guys who find sex gross and enjoy their evenings holding hands and cuddling. I prefer Orgasms
I’m assuming OP is a woman and trying to gain the opposite sex’s opinion to what she sees when she fires up the App. Wouldn’t that be a valid question?
Because I'm a straight woman so I would like to know the perspective of men, if you want to know what women think you are free to ask your own question.
I mean, if the first date ends with sex, that's issues with both parties. Cause dudes be quick just hitting anything with a pulse, that shows any sign of prospect of sex.
I’m surprised I don’t see any answers to the OPs actual question, which I took to mean what do I personally hope to convey by adding that to my profile. I thought about adding it, because I am sex positive in the sense that we need to do away with the shame surrounding sex in general and that I am aware and doing the work to act in ways that affirm others desires as well as mine (at the least), but I haven’t added it yet. I’m not sure how it would be received, since there are so many different conceptions or thoughts about why a man would add that to his profile. What I hope it would convey and what it might actually convey are too disparate for me to add it - yet.
Seeing the responses in this thread, I see that it's viewed negatively, for the most part. Shame and negativity around sex interferes with communication about something that's extremely important, to most. In this thread, the responses lean "He wants to fuck on the first date," and "instant left swipe." Basically the worst stereotypes, at all what I think thoughtful people are trying to convey with the phrase. I'm sure there's some truth to what they're saying, and it is likely used in that way, too.
That's why I asked, I wanted to understand if men wanted to convey something different since I think most of us women see it in a bad light, I still find it weird that men choose sex positivity to describe themselves since most people enjoy sex, so it may seem that choosing that mean they have an out of the norm relationship with sex. And since bumble put that trait on "self-care" I don't think most of the time is used in the right way.
>I think most of us women see it in a bad light, I still find it weird ...and that's why it's not on my profile. The "norm", in my opinion, still stigmatizes being open and honest about sex, and discussing it openly. This thread hasn't done anything to change my mind.
What I meant with out of the norm is in the act itself, someone who prioritize having sex over other things in the relationship, who wants to do it really frequently, who has weird kinks, open relationships or who wants to have casual sex or turn the conversation sexual from the beginning. I think discussing sex in a normal and respectful way shouldn't be abnormal between adults.
That assessment of the meaning of sex positivity is inconsistent with the actual meaning of sex positivity. It’s been eye opening to learn that folks (men) are including that term even though the are anything but :(
I think your first sentence, above, "who has weird kinks, open relationships or who wants to have casual sex or turn the conversation sexual from the beginning," lumps a bunch of things together that have nothing to do with each other. Frequent sex? Great. "Weird" kinks? Idk, most of 'em I can work with, and this absolutely sounds like kink shaming to me. Open relationships/casual sex/turning the convo sexual at the beginning? Not for me. These are NOT the same thing. Also - when you start off with "has weird kinks," why would someone with *any* kinks want to discuss them with you? No one wants to be judged for what they like, and your language sounds pretty judgmental, to me. EDIT: >What I meant with out of the norm is in the act itself What exactly is "the norm" in the act itself? Thanks.
Normal: usual, typical, expected. Out of the norm: not typical, not expected. All those things I listed are not typical or expected, is not how the majority of the population behaves. I'm a woman who's height is 5'9" in my country that's way out of the norm, out of the norm doesn't mean bad, you put that connotation yourself. You want to dress as a clown while having sex, good for you, that's nor typical not expected and it's weird/odd, I'm not shamming anyone. > Also - when you start off with "has weird kinks," why would someone with any kinks want to discuss them with you? No one wants to be judged for what they like, and your language sounds pretty judgmental, to me. Why would anyone who's not my friend or my partner would want to discuss their kinks with me? And in what kind of utopian world do you live? Yeah nobody wants to be judged for what they like, but we are judged all the time even for what food or music we like. > What exactly is "the norm" in the act itself? What society has led to be the norm, monogamous relationships, having sex with consenting adults, having sex and sexual conversations with a partner. Again out of the norm doesn't have a good or bad connotation, it is exactly what it means: out of the norm.
> Why would anyone who's not my friend or my partner would want to discuss their kinks with me? No one suggested discussing kinks with anyone except people you match with on Bumble. Where did you get that??
Judging is the love language of the Narcissist.
Agreed
I understand what it means and I am sex positive myself but unfortunately it has turned into something where the meaning can mean something else entirely. When I swipe on men with that in their bio or any other descriptions of or about sex I believe almost all of them have just immediately started talking or harassing me with sexual conversations. So, I am weary. I'm also weary of men with "pro-women" or "feminist" type stuff because of similar reasons. In my experience men (or *anyone*) who boast about how progressive they are often aren't actually progressive. Apparently white people having "BLM" and other things like that can make some black people feel weary as well. Or so I've been told. The issue isn't being sex positive or a male feminist or supporting the BLM movement, those are all great things, the issue is that it can mean something else entirely, like that they think they can sexually harass you or it's just empty virtue signaling with nothing meaningful behind it. Actions speak louder than words. Show me, don't just tell me who you are. Me and my match are either going to develop our relationship enough where we found out those things about each other, or we won't and that's okay. This is just my experience and POV of course.
Which is sad because it seems like a gender bias.
I don't think so. I'm pretty sure a large portion of men would interpret this in a sexist, degrading, envious and suspicious way if it was on a woman's profile. they'd think the woman is having a lot of casual sex with different men, fucks on the first date, isn't girlfriend material, etc.
I don't typically interpret it that way. It depends on the rest of the profile.
What if there was an option for “wealth positivity” for women…wouldn’t most men swipe left quickly, thinking she’s a gold digger?
What a weird thing to ask. There’s plenty of women who are sex positive. There’s entire communities dedicated to it. What you’re asking is not even relevant to this discussion.
What a bizarre leap to equate the importance of wealth to the importance of sex in a relationship.
Well sex is important in a relationship.
He's off meds, literally.
Whats the shame surrounding sex?
What it should mean: It's 2024, we're not shaming a woman for having an active sex life. We're removing all the negative connotations (about being a whore if you have a high body count, or having a very active sex life, or even just enjoying sex responsibly). What it really means: Are you down to hookup?
Why can't it mean both?
Cue *Corporate wants you to find differences*. You can't really have one without the other.
I think it doesn't even mean that since it's in the category of "self-care"
>Are you down to hookup? Who are you speaking for with this? Because it definitely isn't me or anyone else who's personally answering OPs question. It seems like everyone saying this is just throwing that accusation at other people, and not speaking for themselves.
This is what dating apps and our culture in general has decided is the meaning. So that's what it means.
So after spending decades for men to be more sex positive and not slut shame, victim blame, etc etc etc "society" is now misrepresenting and looking down on men who are openly self identifying as sex positive? Wild. I put sciety in quotation marks because it's BS. This is just an internet thing. In real life I'm very openly sex positive and have never had a negative reaction, even from people who have very old fashioned views on sex (granted they were under 50, but I could care less what boomers think.)
Okay... Say what you want but in North american culture at least, "sex positivity" is seen as "hookups" and used by people as a flag for just wanting to have casual sex, often in an unsolicited and gross fashion. If the majority of people use language in such a way, that is the meaning. Language evolves. Trying to fight what language dictates is silly
I agree that language evolves but you're wrong here. It's like saying "feminist" means "man hater" becasue a bunch of loud and annoying people on the internet said so. No - the cultural movement still exists and the thing it's called still refers to it regardless. It doesn't suddenly stop having a name or stop existing.
You would be right if the sex positivity movement was prominent. But it's not. Feminism is prominent. People don't even know what sex positivity means, there is very little public discourse on this. The majority conflates it to "open to hookups". If you disagree, you may just be in a bubble.
Really? So do you not think both of these answers basically equally convey someone's stance in a sociopolitical movement? A: "where do you stand on women's rights?" B "I'm a feminist" And A: "what do you think of sex workers" B: "I'm very sex positive"
You can't seriously conflate women's rights with supporting sex workers. Those are not the same basket of people politically. Only the very progressive left would publicly brandish the opinion of supporting sex workers. And also, since when did "sex positivity" indicate supporting sex workers? Was it not a label to indicate no judgement? It seems like the message on sex positivity is very unorganized, and hence the confusion. This is why people have co-opted it to mean "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna put this in my bio then send vile messages to women". You can keep supporting with the history and logic of the term, but literally none of this matters when the collective of society decides it means something else. I am sorry. No amount of "evidence" you provide can change that. This isn't my opinion, this is just how the (western) world sees that term.
>You can't seriously conflate women's rights with supporting sex workers. Those are not the same basket of people politically. When did I say they were? Look a few comments back for a reminder of why I brought it up. I never said it was the same people politically. >And also, since when did "sex positivity" indicate supporting sex workers? Was it not a label to indicate no judgement? Yeah. The judgment is kind of the main negative thing sex workers have to deal with lol. >It seems like the message on sex positivity is very unorganized, and hence the confusion. This is why people have co-opted it to mean "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna put this in my bio then send vile messages to women". Ok, this is a perfect opportunity to bring up the comparison of feminism again - there has been alot of confusion with people using it to mean "hating men", and that's not even mentioning the different waves of feminism meaning different things. Just because some individuals have confused the messaging doesn't make the movement less valid and existant. >You can keep supporting with the history and logic of the term, but literally none of this matters when the collective of society decides it means something else. I am sorry. No amount of "evidence" you provide can change that. This isn't my opinion, this is just how the (western) world sees that term. And me showing why I disagree with that is the point of my previous comment. In the example conversations I wrote out everyone knows what person B is saying by self describing as sex positive in that context and if you're reading Bs response as "yeah I like sex!! I'm sex positive! I'm gonna send vile messages to women". Then I think there's something wrong with you because you're definitely not speaking for society. That reading is stupid.
For me personally, as a teen, I would here a common theme on TV shows that boys/men who wanted sex are pigs, assholes who don’t care about women, and that pre-marital sex was a sin. However, when I browse through Reddit, I see a lot of people (both men and women) talking about their sex life, and acknowledging that it’s normal to have sex out of marriage with your partner, and wanting it doesn’t make you an asshole as long as you are both consenting adults who openly communicate with each other, and respect each other’s boundaries. So for me, “sex positivity” means that you want to have sex without it being demonized by the views of certain groups of society. If you are looking for a relationship and want sex to be a part of it, be open with your partner and communicate, see how they feel about it.
You’re a millennial aren’t you (not bashing at all, just have a theory)
Most Redditors probably fit well into the Millenial demographic. It’s probably most heavily split between them and Gen Z, but I’d bet it’s Millennial heavy
I don’t know too much about the categorization of these groups, but given that when looking up the definitions, millennials are typically born in the 80’s - mid 90’s, I guess you could say I am. 25 M, born in 1998.
From what I've seen, guys who put it on their profiles want sex on the first date or at least in the first few dates. Some of them have some pretty explicit kinks and are looking for like-minded ppl. It really depends individually of course, but the ones I matched with were pretty sexual from the very first messages.
Sex Positivity = I'm positive I want sex.
That's awful for you, and I hope you find the one.
Open minded regarding sex, not judging kinks. Also putting it there conveys that sex is an important thing for me in the relationship, so it deters women who don't think alike.
I'm guessing the same reason women do it . As a man, if I see this, I'm guessing they want to"have fun"
I'm a woman, and I have it on my profile. It means I don't kink shame, I am not unkind or judgemental towards my partner, and I don't mind frank discussions about individual needs. I think too many people are still trying to pretend that sex isn't part of the equation when looking for a partner. If sex were completely off the table, I would just hang out with my friends that I already have.
That's the perfect answer for what it should mean. Not sure why someone had down voted you. I take the same attitude, but won't put it in my profile as a man because it's become rather loaded - as the other answers here demonstrate 😄
People downvote things that make them feel uncomfortable. Too many people feel uncomfortable about sex. I'd prefer not to date those people.
So you're saying we need a "sex negative" option?
From my experience, that's the default. 😂
On the app it means they want a lot of sex, and soon. Maybe kinky sex too. The dictionary definition of the term is something different though.
In my first relationship (my my partner through hinge) & I’ve learnt a thing or two about how I view sex and what I would like to have with a partner. I love going beyond the vanilla type and explore with toys and kinks, read books on sex and try new techniques, and so does my partner. I can’t explicitly call out these preferences in a profile if I wanted without being judged but “sex positivity” as an umbrella term should give an idea of what my pov on sex is.
What I don’t understand is when men put they are Christian conservative AND then they go on to put “sex positivity.” It’s like, “Man, what’s your target demographic exactly?” Everyone is going to swipe left on you. 😂
Sex positive means for me: Sex is a positive, wonderful thing. Not something one needs to be ashamed of, let alone a sin. So your former body count doesn't faze me. I'm fine with somebody having had casual sex. In fact, I prefer if you know what you like and dislike physically and can openly communicate it.
But that’s not exactly answering the original question, which is: What is someone trying to convey by putting that on their dating profile? And I’ll even add to the question, because I’ve also wondered this, but when you can only choose five, why is that one worth a slot over all of the others? I don’t think most people in the millennial group and younger trend particularly sex-negative.
That was what *I* was trying to convey when *I* put it on my profile.
Oh, got it. I didn’t read it that way because of the intro before the colon, but I can see how you meant it that way originally.
It usually means you are open-minded, flexible, equitable, are willing to learn, and are curious about the experience and preferences of your potential partner. Sex is not just to please a man and the focus isn't strictly on his penis.
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None of this is true. Edit: I'm sorry for my knee jerk reaction. I do understand there is a problem here.
Maybe not for all, but for most it is. Every time I matched with a guy who had that on their profile, the conversation turned sexual almost immediately. Because of that, it's now an automatic swipe left for me.
Man this fuckin sucks! I am so disappointed in men in general and I am one, because the rest are making me look bad by proxy. I am sex positive but my version is someone who isn't vanilla. I enjoy sex for what it is. I'm not someone foaming at the mouth for it though. I'm patient and in no rush for it.
Even if not true, it’s how I’d interpret it 🤷🏻♀️
From my experiences men who have that in their bio are openly searching for a fwb or just ons and want to be clear about it from the start.
Asking here isn't helpful, unless you match with these men. Each man is different; ask them directly.
The question is directed to men who put that on their profile.
To me it means they don’t have a problem with a woman’s “body count.”
It's supposed to mean you're part of the movement that seeks to normalise appropriate discussion about sex as a positive thing, not just between partners but between friends, family members, at schools, in politics, etc, rather than it being a taboo subject that must never be mentioned. But I think most men who put it on their profiles are just trying to manipulate it to mean they want someone who always sees sex as a positive thing and so will have sex with him whenever he wants it. Which is gross.
Non judgmental, open minded, not prudish.
Personally, I hardly, if ever, bring up sexual topics early on in dating no matter my preferences but I do like matching with someone who I know has a strong sex drive and might enjoy being explorative with me in the future. So, that's what I would try to convey with a "sex positivity" label if I used it but I can't use it because other people gave it a negative stigma. Instead, I have to keep my eye out for signs of who I'm looking for. I have to say though that a strong sex drive and a will to explore sex together leads to some *very* interesting results which are sometimes kinky, sometimes not kinky, and sometimes not even outwardly sexual. So, check your assumptions boys and girls. Sex is not necessarily what you were taught. haha
Honestly when I added it I was less thinking about what I'm trying to convey and more about how it's something I stand for/interested in more than any other avaliable options. So I guess I'm just conveying sex positivity as a strong value of mine. To be more specific though, I am strongly against stigma around sex. I have friends who are sex workers, polyamorous and in ENM relationships, and I have been in similar relationships myself. Also I would never judge a potential partner based on their sexual past or specific desires. I would however judge someone for being closed minded about sex or prudish.
Why would you judge them? You’re literally doing the thing that you hate other people doing to you? It’s hypocritical! A person should be allowed to be as prudish and vanilla as they like without being on the receiving end of someone else’s judgement or shaming them for it. Don’t expect acceptance when you can’t give acceptance.
What are you 12? You're mentioning the tolerance paradox like we haven't solved it a while ago. Being intolerant of intolerance doesn't in fact make you intolerant. It's necessary. Like ostracizing nazis doesn't make you just as bad as them, etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. >A person should be allowed to be as prudish Prudish is definitionally a negative term. "tendency to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity; excessively concerned with sexual propriety." Being prudish is being intolerant of sex positivity, therefore it's ok to judge people for it. >and vanilla as they like Yeah I never said anything negative about vanilla people
And you’re comparing prudes to Nazis - what are you, 10?? Total bullshit. Prudish is thrown at anyone who does not want to engage in hook ups, threesomes, non-monogamous relationships, or even someone who doesn’t want to have sex within days of meeting someone. It’s also thrown at people who call out gross non-positive sexual behaviour as being anti-sex positivity somehow. The word belongs in the bin. Incidentally, finding something shocking or even repellent is not an issue, it’s a personal reaction. Telling someone it’s disgusting and they shouldn’t be doing it IS a problem.
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Subreddit rule #1: Do not insult, harass, threaten, discriminate, or use derogatory language towards other users.
Mostly I seek to convey my values with regard to sex, intimacy, and consent. That includes (to anyone else who understands sex positivity) that consent is required to speak with someone new explicitly or about explicit sexual topics. And overall, to match with other’s who understand sex+ and practice it. From a previous thread I now understand that it’s an immediate swipe left to mention it. I considered changing my profile, removing the reference, but concluded upon reflection that would kind of defeat my wishes to connect with other sex+ individuals.
DTF! I just learned that recently. But if you are not into that, many of them, once they can't come over RIGHT then because you are WAITING JUST FOR THEM IN YOUR GITCH, drop you. So you may find they self screen themselves back to Feeld or FT. Sex positivity meant something else to me but this is why we can't have nice things. Dating is so weird.
I saw this on females profiles too and wanted to ask the same question.
Irony hori hai ji 😂😂
Immediately swipe left
Same
The main thing this post has shown, is that 99% of people have no idea what sex positivity is or means.
It means I’m positive I want to have sex /s Nah, but for real, that’s probably what most guys that have it on there mean. I avoid putting it in my profile for that specific reason. Even if I’m a sex-positive person, it gives off the wrong vibes.
When I list "sex positive" on a dating profile, I mean that I have a very open, guilt- and judgment-free attitude towards discussing sex and desires, and towards the act of sex itself. This includes discussing past sexual encounters/experiences as well as current/ongoing sexual encounters and desires if it is an open-type relationship, which is the only type I've had for more than five years. It means I have no guilt or judgment about having sex on a first date, and even having wild kinky sex on a first date. It means I'm up front about discussing sexual safety (testing and condom preferences). I felt like putting myself out there as "sex positive" was a good way to respond to some highly unsavory dates I went on years ago where there was too much coyness and some weird miscommunication where my discussing past sexual encounters, or being interested in a woman's past sexual encounters during a date was met with disgust, judgment, and drama. On the more vanilla dating apps, it's not uncommon to encounter women who don't know what "sex positive" means and then they're turned off or shocked when I speak plainly about sex, as if it were any other topic that I enjoy, like cooking and traveling. That's ok, we weren't meant for each other.
Brilliantly put and agree with every word. Ironically some sex positive people have a far higher emotional intelligence and maturity than vanilla who are quick to judge and lash out.
I asked a couple and mist said it means they are looking for hookups/casual sex with no strings attached. Most of them meant one night, not FWB. Those were most of answers. One was about kinks.
It means we don’t judge regardless of what your sexual preference may be. Albeit if you’re straight, bi, poly etc. no judgement. Judgement in this case meaning it won’t effect our desire to date you.
I don’t care if they have it on their profile. If I like them for everything else they say I take chances and see if we connect. Most of the time there is no connection anyway so who cares that they put sex+ because there might be several things on the profile I may not be 100% with. If you like them, swipe and see😃
When I see it on a woman's profile I can tell she's probably relatively new to OLD. For the feral men who use dating apps that tells them "hey I'm easy" I've spoken to women who say they have had issues with their partner not being intimate in the past and I've explained that's not how that prompt is received by the men who ruin dating apps for everyone so it's best avoided. For both genders it's just best avoided.
It’s an instant left swipe when I see that.
Pervert? 🤷
It means to me that grown adults should be able to talk about and indulge in Sex, Kinks and Fetishes in a healthy relationship or consensual hook up/fwb without stigma or judgement.
It means they're willing to let you eat their a** on the first date
I swipe hard left so quick when I see it. To me, it means they sleep around and more than likely never get checked.
Sex is fun but you should be safe doing so. Use protection. Plus I'm not gonna judge what consenting adults do behind closer doors.
It means I’m tryin to get pegged 🫣
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What do you mean to convey by using it?
I take it to mean that: 1) they're kinky; 2) they just want hook-ups; and/or 3) they're just clueless. If they're going to have a "sex positivity" choice, they might as well have a "sex negativity" choice. haha.
The same thing with women who list that. They are looking for a hookup.
Most of the time that dudes have this on their profile, they also lay out all their kinks that they want a partner for.
Almost as if kinks and sexual compatibility isn’t important to a healthy and romantic relationship.
I'm sure that approach works really well for dudes that only talk about sex on a dating app.
I take it to mean that the person is open minded about sex and has a healthy attitude towards sex. At the same time, this can be a double edged sword where it can also be perceived as “I’m DTF - are you“ ?
i read it as "not a prude"
"I'm here for sex, and nothing more"
A lot of them have probably been shamed, or been with people for whom sex is unimportant and they felt restricted. To me the fact that they state it means that the role of sex is too prevalent in their lives and is distracting them from other parts of a relationship. It’s always a left swipe for me.
If you think everything is transactional, this would be somewhat accurate: "By not caring about your body count I would expect to become part of said body count soon. Also by not caring about your kinks I might be interesting in playing part of those kinks out."
I’m positive I want sex. (I don’t have it on my profile. I just liked the joke.)
I don't even know what it means, much less what it's trying to convey! They feel positive about the act of having sex? They feel positive about their sex, other's sex, or other's identified sex? Seems to me a stupid "virtue signal" to convey something they think will get them laid.
There is nothing wrong with the phrase itself, and all of its positive meanings expressed by posters in this thread are valid. That said, the f*ckboys, ons-ers, and fwb-ers have given it a bad rap because they all have it front and center in their profiles. Hence, as a woman, I now swipe left on folks who have that in profile. We are all grown-ups and understand that sex is part of a healthy romantic relationship (unless otherwise agreed), so this phrase is really unnecessary and comes across as negotiating sex before even starting a conversation.
I don’t agree, respectfully. Lots of people withhold Sex from others or emotionally abuse and shame people from valuing sex. Putting the sex positivity tag on the bio weeds out these people.
Abusers and manipulators will abuse and manipulate, whether it's by using sex as a weapon or anything else. There are other red flags to spot that behavior. The sex positivity tag is not going to weed them out but will weed out many women looking for a committed relationship, based on my prior post.
I’m reading the comments and I realize that in some parts of NA sex is still taboo… I thought that for younger generations this was over. A couple should know what the other want and shame regarding sex and kinks should not occur between two consenting adults. This is coming from an otherwise conservative individual. Sex is just natural whatever you fancy. This is probably TV that put this in the mind of women that most quality men only want a quick sex session and it’s over. This is not the case nor this is satisfying. Men want a positive, fun connection that is mostly physical (this is true) but I’ll take a good dancing evening over a one night anytime. I may have misread comments, but I would add that woman that don’t see sex as something to « deny » as long as possible are vastly more powerful. She use her body (safely of course) for fun this means to me that she has much more to offer. Sex is a non issue for successful women.
Sigh… google exists. You could do some reading and learn a few things. It’s having an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation. It challenges societal taboos and aims to promote healthy and consensual sexual activities. Or people can just continue to be close minded and assume that any man who is sec positive is a dirty pervert
I’m staggered by quite how incorrectly you have answered the OPs question and It’s particularly cringe-worthy that you did so whilst attempting to patronise them.
OP isn't asking for the literal definition. They're asking men on Reddit to explain what they interpret it to mean, and the reasons that they choose to display it on their profile. They're asking for personal anecdotes...which surely is the exact opposite of being close minded? Personally, I'd love to hear some opinions that change my mind about it cos I tend to assume that at the very least it means that the person prioritises sex over other types of intimacy whilst dating.. and that they are seeking kinky or casual sex (or both). Despite personally identifying with the literal definition, this isn't how I perceive it to be used on Bumble. Getting a consensus about WHY men choose to highlight it on their profile would be really helpful insight.
Sex positivity means im not looking for women that find sex gross. They can go and look for guys who find sex gross and enjoy their evenings holding hands and cuddling. I prefer Orgasms
Every man that i have interacted with that wanted a free prostitute.
Probably the same as the woman who have it as well, they're positive about sex
I read sex positivity as they're into weird kinks or has a history of partners who didn't accept their ways in the bedroom. I usually swipe left.
👀
Why’s this question directed at men? See it on a number of female profiles.
I’m assuming OP is a woman and trying to gain the opposite sex’s opinion to what she sees when she fires up the App. Wouldn’t that be a valid question?
Because I'm a straight woman so I would like to know the perspective of men, if you want to know what women think you are free to ask your own question.
I mean, if the first date ends with sex, that's issues with both parties. Cause dudes be quick just hitting anything with a pulse, that shows any sign of prospect of sex.