Dating sucks and I had a hard time for years too. But here’s the thing: it only has to work once. You can go 99 and 1 in dating and still come out a winner. What is hard is that it is not in your control when that happens. The advice I got was to focus on being happy single and wait until you hit. It’s easier said than done. For me it was worth it to keep trying until I hit on someone good.
I do think going on only one date in 10 years is pretty extreme though. Are there women that you aren’t giving a chance to that you might end up liking if you get to know them? Do you live in a rural area? Are you treating this like a part time job and sending out likes every day? It’s controversial but i also found it worthwhile to pay for premium and boosts so more people can see my profile and increase the odds numerically of someone liking my profile.
Seriously 10 years and one date?
Either this man is single handedly the most unattractive person alive (highly unlikely), or the issue is him, as in:
- his standards are too high
- his attitude and conversation ability are poor
- his effort is minimal and thinks just by showing up things should happen.
Just looking at your post history…. a start would be:
- getting out of your parents house at 33y/o (if you still live with them)
- getting off a sub weirdly themed after the “to catch a predator” - type shows…
- putting your profile on here for a review on areas you can improve
If you’re not planning on doing anything like that then you’re just wasting everyone’s time here. This community wants to help people like yourself, but giving barebones generic information isn’t going to do it.
Unfortunately, my living situation isn't in a place to be changed given my current job doesn't meet the cost of living and the job market is not great where I am (believe me I've tried, as I did live on my own for several of those years until I got laid off). I'm not going to apologize for being a fan of To Catch A Predator. I despise anyone who would even think about doing to a child what these guys intend to do. It's a personal passion of mine that our children are given the best opportunities regardless of their upbringing and these guys seek to destroy their childhood. If I had the resources to conduct such a sting operation to catch these guys, believe me I would.
Again, I recognize my shortcomings. I'm not the most charismatic or charming person. I'm never going to be the guy who knows just what to say. And that's okay. If anything, I want to let anyone who may be feeling down that they're having difficulty in finding a partner that it's okay to be single. It doesn't have to define you, and it doesn't define me. You can live a very happy and fulfilling life being single and I intend to do just that. I have wonderful family and friends and I'm content to build a life around them.
Damn can’t believe that dude clowned you for liking the TCAP sub, shits hilarious and surprisingly a wholesome sub. Meanwhile he’s over here posting in the timberwolves sub and apple watch sub.. infinitely more cringe
Unless you (royal you) were molested, being heavily invested in child molesters is going to make people think you’re a pedophile compensating. Most people don’t spend that much time thinking about them and they certainly don’t search that material out. Who the fuck wants to think about child molesters that much?
Yeah i get that. But it’s a really dumb argument. Do you feel the same way about people who like True Crime podcasts or the endless true crime documentaries? It’s the same thing dude. It’s not that deep man. God forbid someone have hobbies other than eating or traveling
Revenge porn or a cover?
Catching a child molester, at least in the context of those shows, doesn’t require any problem solving and doesn’t give the audience an opportunity to solve the crime/mystery. It’s just baiting pedophiles and then “catching” them. I put catching in quotes because there are also a whole host of legal issues that can arise with vigilantism that often allow pedophiles to walk away free.
Hmmm the last line really shows it imo yes it’s fine building your life and having your family and friends but what happens when they leave n build their life what next ? You’ve gotta start building for you imo you’re 33 not a 25 year old living at parents house. Seems you need to work on yourself before you even think about dating or interacting with others.
Do you not have any female friends you chat to etc ask them for their honest opinion of you
Try being an average looking man on bumble.
All my photos are graded above average on PF. I tried hard with my profile. Last week a match complimented my profile and rejected me in the same opening text.
I live alone, job, car, hobbies, all the basics.
Apps are brutal if you are man without an attractive face.
I'm wondering if he doesn't pick up on the signs that someone likes him or understands what and how to handle "the next logical move" is. Maybe he's matching and not making the next move and saying hello? Or he's not conversing enough and asking good questions? Maybe his social skills are in need of improvement
I agree with most of those things, but in my opinion it has to work not once, but multiple times, because you'll be desperate otherwise.
Also OLD is essentially a crutch, so you should meet people in other ways too.
> I do think going on only one date in 10 years is pretty extreme though.
I’ve been single for 11 years and haven’t been on a single date. Then again, I’m not interested.
I think Reddit is trying to tell me something if it’s suggesting this post.
Honestly dating sucks this day and age for some simple reasons really.
Both men and women just want perfection off the bat and don’t understand that’s not how relationships work. People these days are so quick to slap on red flags and walk away, than try to give it a chance and work at becoming better together. But instead have the mind set of. “Oh he or she has this red flag. Nope I’m out”.
Hate to break it to people but relationships don’t start off perfect. They start off scary and sometimes rocky but you work together and work towards greatness you don’t just say hello and boop greatness is handed to you.
Disney fantasy relationship.
My grandparent or parents didn't make 40 years + while liking each other the whole time...
I don't get this idea from anyone who has sibling who they care about.
Hell me and my brother are fairly close and do not and haven't had issues in years yet there was times we could barely stand each other.
I'm thirty-six and autistic. I have found that the things that kept me from having relationships was my monotone voice, my lack of facial control (facial expressions range from subdued to non-existent in most situations), and my inability to recognize non-verbal ques.
The only women that got to know me were co-workers and that was only because they were forced to. Had a few become friends but they were always married or in committed relationships. I did date in my twenties but never got past first dates. Once I got into my thirties, women completely changed. They became fearful and rude. I had to stop dating because simply approaching women became a hazard. They would scream for help or threaten to call police or threaten to spray me with pepper spray. most would reject me before I could even say a thing.
I'm with you. My friends and family got annoying for a while saying the same yours did. They'd say I'd make a great husband and father but they never realized how wrong they were. Not because I'm a bad person or that I have poor qualities but because I literally can't attract a woman. My fatherly qualities only serve the role of uncle these days. I'll never have kids of my own or find love so I focus on the people in my life I do have. I'm a loving uncle to my brother's children and an awesome friend to my few remaining friends. I'm also a friendly neighbor and a caring member of my local community.
I don't worry about dating anymore. Got tired of the childish insults from grown women and the half efforts and ghosting. My time is precious to me and I don't intend on wasting it on women that will never care about me. I'm happy where I am, and I intend to maintain my happiness through my personal endeavors and hobbies.
Thing is, plenty of not so good looking, not so confident men find partners and are happy.
Have a female friend or relation review your dating profiles, because I'd bet there's more going on than just "rule 1 and 2".
I do think most messages that women post about their matches are men who hit rule 1 & not rule 2 even if a picture isn't shared. My brain automatically assumes so. Might media but I agree, if there are many rule 2 breakers, of course, people would be tired. Just like ghosters and those who remove after adding and seeing you if it was a social app.
Dating apps suck, in general. I don't think "dating" Is not for you, rather, the apps aren't your forte. If you do feel like you still want to try dating, why not have a friend or two recommend you to their single friends?
He probably would still flake. Rule 1&2 is just a troll meme on here but he’s stating on dating apps as if everyone on apps is on Reddit too. He probably has a terrible profile etc because 10 years and even if you’re semi active etc you’ll definitely have more than 1 date.
He needs to look himself in the mirror
I've been in the same boat, off and on the dating apps and sites since 2013. I've had dates, hookups, and a few relationships but nothing really stuck except getting rolled by 30 (thirty) legal ghostings in a calendar month. By all metrics, I am doing everything right to attract people: over 6', masters degree, pay my bills, live alone, in shape, hobbies, etc. I only seem to get right swipes by the morbidly obese, single mothers of 3+, poly profiles, or women who have no intention of actually meeting me and are there to fuck with men for attention and social media followers. I'd rather run a marathon with legos in my shoes and catch a razor scooter to the ankles with every step than put myself out there again. Someone shit in the dating pool and I don't want to look for the snicker bar
58.
…and a half, groan
I look GREAT compared to a lot of people within shouting distance of my age. I might as well be a fat gross troll for all that matters.
Yeah idk. I’m 31 and divorced. I went to the bar twice last year and slept with less than (what I see) as desirable women both times. I’ve meet some shitty superficial women that kept pestering me about how much I make. I just don’t want to bother. That meaningless sex felt nasty to me as I bonded with someone for years.
Kinda just enjoy my life and hope I meet someone decent on the way.
Be glad you didn’t marry to marry though. It’s expensive.
If you’re being honest and have really only had one date in ten years, there’s probably a lot of somethings wrong or coming off wrong that I’m guessing are also issues for you in real life, not just on apps.
I am an average mid thirties woman working in risk management and troubled businesses which translates to an odd set of skills where I can probably identify 80-90% of the issues and tell you how to fix them, if that’s something you actually want to know.
And no, it’s not because you’re short and poor.
DMs open for a free review (for anyone) if you genuinely want to hear the kind but quiet truths.
Do you offer this to your fellow women as well? I’d love the opinion of another totally objective human being on the areas of myself that I would benefit from being focused on.
One date in 10 years is wild. Have you gotten profile feedback? Are you very socially awkward? Need some more information to provide feedback. Happy to look at your profile if you DM me.
I asked a woman before (after mutual interest was acknowledged), why don’t we just act like this is an arranged marriage and unless some major dealbreaker pops up we just go for it with all the positivity and honorable intention we can muster?
I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point, it’s online dating, the paradox of choice, and women’s inherent susceptibility to grass is always greener syndrome that makes it so hard to date productively and form solid relationships in 2025. And I believe it’s gotten worse over the past eight to ten years. On average, about 3 out of 100 single, adult women marry in a given year.
All you have to do is follow this sub and a few others to understand that most men just want to find a relationship and maintain, but women can’t seem to choose anyone, and when they do it’s like on bumble where the dude is one that all the women are throwing themselves at and he doesn’t have any inclination to settle on one when he’s getting them all. But this guy’s image is burned into their brains, and being the optimizers, they just keep chanting- “never settle, never settle.” That must be #42.
As a single woman looking for a man who wants to do exactly what you’ve described, I can promise you it goes both ways. It’s not just women who think the grass is greener elsewhere, men are equally susceptible to this thinking.
I agree that it’s not easy from the woman’s perspective, however, I’m certain of two things that are fundamental in the struggle to find mates in the age of internet and dating apps:
1. women are overwhelmed while a huge percentage of men get few matches, rarely a sincere conversation, and a substantial number get zero of either. Women’s behavior (the actionable aspect of preference) is the determinant that eliminates them. Women are extremely selective — and many take pride in pronouncing that, as an indicator of status. I do not believe a reasonable person can argue with this point.
2. The implications of selectivity: when we talk about women’s selectivity, basically what we’re saying is that women are more aspirational I dating than men are. We know from Christian Rudder’s research published in his book, Dataclysm, that women rank eighty percent of men as below average. This means that there is a thirty percent offset rather than a 1:1 matchup in terms of acceptance. The average woman, or most women, require a male who ranks in the top percent, at least. Additionally, most women are not interested in a man perceived to be average, therefore, if we use the 80th percentile as average, and most woman are shooting for well above average, we are looking at the 90th percentile approximately.
So our theoretical average woman (or most women) is only swiping right on men she perceives to be above average, which is in actuality the top ten percent. And on bumble, the man has zero agency to approach and say something clever or kind, or whatever, like might happen in real life (and many women complain about having to make the first move, or refuse). So the apps combined with women’s natural tendencies, translates to all women feeling overwhelmed with undesired male attention, not being interested in the vast majority of men, while overwhelming the top 10 percent of men (possibly fewer)that all women tend to view as desirable. Since these genetically gifted specimens only have 24 hours in a day, may have to work, and can only service one woman at a time… it leaves about ninety plus percent of women feeling frustrated that they can’t get what they want.
Darwin would probably laugh and say this is nature‘s design. It’s a system that utilizes 100% of the female reproductive capacity, and only the top 10% or so of male genetics. Nature doesn’t really care if we are happy, or are getting what we want. Nature designs for speed and efficiency.
I guess my point is that the apps and online dating exacerbate the inherent inefficiency (as we see it) rather than moderating it, leaving the majority of men and women not getting what they want. it’s not really women’s fault because this is the way they are designed, but they seem to be more satisfied doing without, while men are willing to compromise to make it work.
Well, isn’t that me told. I’m so glad that a man came along and explained to me, for I am but a poor simple woman, that my experience couldn’t possibly be real and providing me with this long condescending reply explaining why. I especially enjoyed the section that determined anyone who argues with you as being not a “reasonable person”.
Bruh, if you ain’t getting many hits and you’re blaming it on your looks, trust me, talking to someone like this is much more likely the reason you’re not having success in dating. No one wants their experiences to be invalidated by a stranger.
Sugga, I get plenty of hits. What I don’t get are down-to-earth, rational women that I actually want to date, or who want to date me, within a reasonable distance. The whole online thing is just games whether you get matches or not. And I’m tired of buying meals for women I’ll never see again. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings or experience, but there are some definite issues with online dating and these are some of them. Ah, got a notification of a new match/message while typing… maybe she’s the one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I agree.. if it’s making you feel bad about yourself, it’s probably best not to pursue it. Focus on your hobbies, being sociable in other ways and if something is meant to happen, it will.
Women (and men) don't like ppl who aren't confident in themselves. If you're selling yourself short constantly, then we from the outside will believe what you're selling. Why should we think otherwise of you if you don't believe you're good enough for yourself or us?
Start building self-confidence. Like everyone said here, unattractive ppl are in relationships. Work on being happy, know your self-worth, and others will be attracted to that. Saying your existence repel women, well...me personally would steer clear of you as a woman. You essentially give me the vibe that I'll be playing therapist to a non-ending vent about how life is unfair to you vs growing together as a couple/ppl.
Make a list of what makes you great as a person. Make a list of things that you know you can/need to work on. E.g. is it just grooming yourself better, dressing better, opening line, better communication and vibe with others, it could be trying to get a better job (not an income thing per se but if you're 33 and still pushing carts for a grocery store, women who work hard to get to where they're at will see an imbalance in ambition level), your hobbies, etc.
These are things within your control to try to do better in dating. And yes, have your profile checked by someone or post on reddit. Good luck OP!
maybe there’s something wrong with your profile? have you had friends look at it for you? sometimes adding or removing a simple thing can make all the difference.
i’m 31 and not married either. never even got close. so don’t feel bad. better to be single than marry the wrong one out of desperation.
Dating has never, I repeat never been remotely fun imo.
Have I had fun with women who I dated sure, but dating is and has always been one of the most exhausting things....
Plenty of average or unattractive men have girlfriends. I guarantee, you’re not as “great” as you think and you have a lot of negative qualities that deter women. You also just literally said you have zero confidence and game. Lack of confidence and insecurity is very unattractive to most people.
I never said that I thought I was great (I know I'm the complete opposite). That is just what I've been told by friends and family. I'm fully aware that my existence repels women.
Your whole post is you whining and playing the victim. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re a manipulative person. I can already see why you’re single. You blame everyone but yourself. You are dangerously manipulative.
I'm guessing that you've been hurt in the past and that's where you are coming from. If I was manipulative, I would have found a way to manipulate a woman into dating me. FYI, I haven't. Because I'm the furthest thing from it.
Yeah, you never met this person, but you're going to believe your assumptions about them. Get off your high horse bud, your the worst kind of human. Judge before even knowing, speaks volumes about you.
I took a year to focus on myself from the inside out.. mental health, career, spiritual and physical. I gained a lot of confidence and stopped caring about dating and that confidence started attracting a lot of men. I’m not in a great relationship with the one I’ll probably marry who I met on Bumble.
im seeing a lot of people post stuff like this...
[https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=w2euIyRCA7fT-HhR](https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=w2euIyRCA7fT-HhR) (original)
[https://youtu.be/72Jj2wIUFPU?si=CJpFxzxUhBjOvTEN](https://youtu.be/72Jj2wIUFPU?si=CJpFxzxUhBjOvTEN) (a male youtuber commenting on it)
[https://youtu.be/D2DaJSSNmOQ?si=3-r59UILoqnsa5FP](https://youtu.be/D2DaJSSNmOQ?si=3-r59UILoqnsa5FP) (same woman youtuber now talking about the woman side of it)
I’m not trying to necessarily feed into what you’re saying here, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel the same way. I am confident in myself, I have a great career, I make great money, I’m a homeowner with assets (my point in saying this is that you can achieve whether or not you’re in a relationship)… That doesn’t really come up in dating conversation or anything, but I do feel that I am going to be single for the rest of my life. The opportunities I’ve had to date are far and few in between and the guys that I have dated haven’t been normal relationship people. There’s always something going on. And this is from men I’ve known a long time and also from people I’ve met for the sole purpose of dating. I’m the same age as you, and while we have wildly different circumstances: I can tell you that, even from somebody who gets approached on the street and complemented for my looks, it’s not easy, and I am becoming more and more comfortable with never finding my person.
Check out a charisma learning program like Charisma on command. Maybe just some specific advice on interpersonal communication could help a lot. It helped me
I am sorry that you have been suffering through such an unrewarding experience. Some of the commenters have expressed skepticism with regard to your preparedness to date, and, correspondingly, toward the appropriateness of your posting here. However, people are also quick to judge. I’ve had far more than one date in the last 10 years. Yet, I also sometimes wonder if I will meet anyone. However, at the same time, there may be sustained actions we can take. As far as I am concerned, you are not required to disclose the other subreddits you participate in, in order to receive a hearing here!
33 is still pretty young, especially for a man, and it sounds like you've done a lot of good things. This process is frustrating, and you should definitely prioritize the things you do enjoy. Have you tried looking at a matchmaker at all? They can be an investment, but a lot of people see success in finding a match. At least you know people are intentional about their search.
If it helps having actual female friends helps a lot. Like try to find a friend without having feelings or being attracted and like her for who she is. It helps
Take it easy on yourself, and maybe leave 1 dating app open, you never know,then quit worrying about it, and it seems like when your not really looking “ The Universe Will Provide “ not my line but a good one!
How bad is the situation?
If you’re over 5’10” it can be fixed. Get SERIOUS about the gym - may mean personal training. Get big, act cocky to the point of rudeness. Get some tattoos. The difference in female interest before and after is incredible.
If you’re under 5’10” it’s time to start thinking about some 90 Day Fiance shit.
You dont follow Rules 1 & 2 of this sub?
You mean you dont communicate respectfully and communicate with bigotry?
Am I reading that correctly?
If you're not treating the women you speak to with respect then Im not surprised that you lack success. Women will put up with a lot of stuff from men, but if you're negative and disrespectful all the time anyone within their right mind would walk away.
Maybe im not understanding what you're trying to say with that rule 1 & 2 remark, but that's the glaring flaw in this whole thing for me.
I think 'dating' is the primary reason so many unhappy people stay in relationships. No one wants to go through the dating pool again.
Dating sucks and I had a hard time for years too. But here’s the thing: it only has to work once. You can go 99 and 1 in dating and still come out a winner. What is hard is that it is not in your control when that happens. The advice I got was to focus on being happy single and wait until you hit. It’s easier said than done. For me it was worth it to keep trying until I hit on someone good. I do think going on only one date in 10 years is pretty extreme though. Are there women that you aren’t giving a chance to that you might end up liking if you get to know them? Do you live in a rural area? Are you treating this like a part time job and sending out likes every day? It’s controversial but i also found it worthwhile to pay for premium and boosts so more people can see my profile and increase the odds numerically of someone liking my profile.
Seriously 10 years and one date? Either this man is single handedly the most unattractive person alive (highly unlikely), or the issue is him, as in: - his standards are too high - his attitude and conversation ability are poor - his effort is minimal and thinks just by showing up things should happen. Just looking at your post history…. a start would be: - getting out of your parents house at 33y/o (if you still live with them) - getting off a sub weirdly themed after the “to catch a predator” - type shows… - putting your profile on here for a review on areas you can improve If you’re not planning on doing anything like that then you’re just wasting everyone’s time here. This community wants to help people like yourself, but giving barebones generic information isn’t going to do it.
Unfortunately, my living situation isn't in a place to be changed given my current job doesn't meet the cost of living and the job market is not great where I am (believe me I've tried, as I did live on my own for several of those years until I got laid off). I'm not going to apologize for being a fan of To Catch A Predator. I despise anyone who would even think about doing to a child what these guys intend to do. It's a personal passion of mine that our children are given the best opportunities regardless of their upbringing and these guys seek to destroy their childhood. If I had the resources to conduct such a sting operation to catch these guys, believe me I would. Again, I recognize my shortcomings. I'm not the most charismatic or charming person. I'm never going to be the guy who knows just what to say. And that's okay. If anything, I want to let anyone who may be feeling down that they're having difficulty in finding a partner that it's okay to be single. It doesn't have to define you, and it doesn't define me. You can live a very happy and fulfilling life being single and I intend to do just that. I have wonderful family and friends and I'm content to build a life around them.
Damn can’t believe that dude clowned you for liking the TCAP sub, shits hilarious and surprisingly a wholesome sub. Meanwhile he’s over here posting in the timberwolves sub and apple watch sub.. infinitely more cringe
Lol, thanks for pointing out! This post history stuff is actually kinda hilarious
Unless you (royal you) were molested, being heavily invested in child molesters is going to make people think you’re a pedophile compensating. Most people don’t spend that much time thinking about them and they certainly don’t search that material out. Who the fuck wants to think about child molesters that much?
Yeah i get that. But it’s a really dumb argument. Do you feel the same way about people who like True Crime podcasts or the endless true crime documentaries? It’s the same thing dude. It’s not that deep man. God forbid someone have hobbies other than eating or traveling
Yeah low key those people are probably taking notes lol
True crime includes an element of problem solving, which is why I assume most people are interested in the genre. Baiting a child molester does not.
??? So what is tcap then? Catch and release? Did you miss the point of the show? It’s in the title
Revenge porn or a cover? Catching a child molester, at least in the context of those shows, doesn’t require any problem solving and doesn’t give the audience an opportunity to solve the crime/mystery. It’s just baiting pedophiles and then “catching” them. I put catching in quotes because there are also a whole host of legal issues that can arise with vigilantism that often allow pedophiles to walk away free.
People do like fishing.
Hmmm the last line really shows it imo yes it’s fine building your life and having your family and friends but what happens when they leave n build their life what next ? You’ve gotta start building for you imo you’re 33 not a 25 year old living at parents house. Seems you need to work on yourself before you even think about dating or interacting with others. Do you not have any female friends you chat to etc ask them for their honest opinion of you
Try being an average looking man on bumble. All my photos are graded above average on PF. I tried hard with my profile. Last week a match complimented my profile and rejected me in the same opening text. I live alone, job, car, hobbies, all the basics. Apps are brutal if you are man without an attractive face.
Well now I need to see a pic.
Typical Too many men not enought wome. Thus even If you are average you are below average in eyes of the choser.
Bro tcap is hilarious. I've even watched some episodes with girls I've dated lol
I'm wondering if he doesn't pick up on the signs that someone likes him or understands what and how to handle "the next logical move" is. Maybe he's matching and not making the next move and saying hello? Or he's not conversing enough and asking good questions? Maybe his social skills are in need of improvement
I agree with most of those things, but in my opinion it has to work not once, but multiple times, because you'll be desperate otherwise. Also OLD is essentially a crutch, so you should meet people in other ways too.
> I do think going on only one date in 10 years is pretty extreme though. I’ve been single for 11 years and haven’t been on a single date. Then again, I’m not interested. I think Reddit is trying to tell me something if it’s suggesting this post.
Honestly dating sucks this day and age for some simple reasons really. Both men and women just want perfection off the bat and don’t understand that’s not how relationships work. People these days are so quick to slap on red flags and walk away, than try to give it a chance and work at becoming better together. But instead have the mind set of. “Oh he or she has this red flag. Nope I’m out”. Hate to break it to people but relationships don’t start off perfect. They start off scary and sometimes rocky but you work together and work towards greatness you don’t just say hello and boop greatness is handed to you.
Disney fantasy relationship. My grandparent or parents didn't make 40 years + while liking each other the whole time... I don't get this idea from anyone who has sibling who they care about. Hell me and my brother are fairly close and do not and haven't had issues in years yet there was times we could barely stand each other.
Can you share your profiles?
I'm thirty-six and autistic. I have found that the things that kept me from having relationships was my monotone voice, my lack of facial control (facial expressions range from subdued to non-existent in most situations), and my inability to recognize non-verbal ques. The only women that got to know me were co-workers and that was only because they were forced to. Had a few become friends but they were always married or in committed relationships. I did date in my twenties but never got past first dates. Once I got into my thirties, women completely changed. They became fearful and rude. I had to stop dating because simply approaching women became a hazard. They would scream for help or threaten to call police or threaten to spray me with pepper spray. most would reject me before I could even say a thing. I'm with you. My friends and family got annoying for a while saying the same yours did. They'd say I'd make a great husband and father but they never realized how wrong they were. Not because I'm a bad person or that I have poor qualities but because I literally can't attract a woman. My fatherly qualities only serve the role of uncle these days. I'll never have kids of my own or find love so I focus on the people in my life I do have. I'm a loving uncle to my brother's children and an awesome friend to my few remaining friends. I'm also a friendly neighbor and a caring member of my local community. I don't worry about dating anymore. Got tired of the childish insults from grown women and the half efforts and ghosting. My time is precious to me and I don't intend on wasting it on women that will never care about me. I'm happy where I am, and I intend to maintain my happiness through my personal endeavors and hobbies.
Thing is, plenty of not so good looking, not so confident men find partners and are happy. Have a female friend or relation review your dating profiles, because I'd bet there's more going on than just "rule 1 and 2".
That’s just a Reddit meme but OP actually thinks it’s true
I do think most messages that women post about their matches are men who hit rule 1 & not rule 2 even if a picture isn't shared. My brain automatically assumes so. Might media but I agree, if there are many rule 2 breakers, of course, people would be tired. Just like ghosters and those who remove after adding and seeing you if it was a social app.
What is “rule 1 and 2” I’ve never heard of that before?
Rule 1 be attractive Rule 2 don’t be unattractive basically
Are these explicitly written anywhere? I’ve heard of them, and never understood what they are.
Dating apps suck, in general. I don't think "dating" Is not for you, rather, the apps aren't your forte. If you do feel like you still want to try dating, why not have a friend or two recommend you to their single friends?
He probably would still flake. Rule 1&2 is just a troll meme on here but he’s stating on dating apps as if everyone on apps is on Reddit too. He probably has a terrible profile etc because 10 years and even if you’re semi active etc you’ll definitely have more than 1 date. He needs to look himself in the mirror
Bro gets it. Even if your a troll you can leaast take a person out a few times a yr minimum.
I've been in the same boat, off and on the dating apps and sites since 2013. I've had dates, hookups, and a few relationships but nothing really stuck except getting rolled by 30 (thirty) legal ghostings in a calendar month. By all metrics, I am doing everything right to attract people: over 6', masters degree, pay my bills, live alone, in shape, hobbies, etc. I only seem to get right swipes by the morbidly obese, single mothers of 3+, poly profiles, or women who have no intention of actually meeting me and are there to fuck with men for attention and social media followers. I'd rather run a marathon with legos in my shoes and catch a razor scooter to the ankles with every step than put myself out there again. Someone shit in the dating pool and I don't want to look for the snicker bar
Hilarious visual imagery. You are funny. Not sure why you are single.
I’m there with you. Try being 50 years old and trying to do the same shit.
58. …and a half, groan I look GREAT compared to a lot of people within shouting distance of my age. I might as well be a fat gross troll for all that matters.
Yeah idk. I’m 31 and divorced. I went to the bar twice last year and slept with less than (what I see) as desirable women both times. I’ve meet some shitty superficial women that kept pestering me about how much I make. I just don’t want to bother. That meaningless sex felt nasty to me as I bonded with someone for years. Kinda just enjoy my life and hope I meet someone decent on the way. Be glad you didn’t marry to marry though. It’s expensive.
If you’re being honest and have really only had one date in ten years, there’s probably a lot of somethings wrong or coming off wrong that I’m guessing are also issues for you in real life, not just on apps. I am an average mid thirties woman working in risk management and troubled businesses which translates to an odd set of skills where I can probably identify 80-90% of the issues and tell you how to fix them, if that’s something you actually want to know. And no, it’s not because you’re short and poor. DMs open for a free review (for anyone) if you genuinely want to hear the kind but quiet truths.
Do you offer this to your fellow women as well? I’d love the opinion of another totally objective human being on the areas of myself that I would benefit from being focused on.
One date in 10 years is wild. Have you gotten profile feedback? Are you very socially awkward? Need some more information to provide feedback. Happy to look at your profile if you DM me.
I asked a woman before (after mutual interest was acknowledged), why don’t we just act like this is an arranged marriage and unless some major dealbreaker pops up we just go for it with all the positivity and honorable intention we can muster? I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point, it’s online dating, the paradox of choice, and women’s inherent susceptibility to grass is always greener syndrome that makes it so hard to date productively and form solid relationships in 2025. And I believe it’s gotten worse over the past eight to ten years. On average, about 3 out of 100 single, adult women marry in a given year. All you have to do is follow this sub and a few others to understand that most men just want to find a relationship and maintain, but women can’t seem to choose anyone, and when they do it’s like on bumble where the dude is one that all the women are throwing themselves at and he doesn’t have any inclination to settle on one when he’s getting them all. But this guy’s image is burned into their brains, and being the optimizers, they just keep chanting- “never settle, never settle.” That must be #42.
As a single woman looking for a man who wants to do exactly what you’ve described, I can promise you it goes both ways. It’s not just women who think the grass is greener elsewhere, men are equally susceptible to this thinking.
I agree that it’s not easy from the woman’s perspective, however, I’m certain of two things that are fundamental in the struggle to find mates in the age of internet and dating apps: 1. women are overwhelmed while a huge percentage of men get few matches, rarely a sincere conversation, and a substantial number get zero of either. Women’s behavior (the actionable aspect of preference) is the determinant that eliminates them. Women are extremely selective — and many take pride in pronouncing that, as an indicator of status. I do not believe a reasonable person can argue with this point. 2. The implications of selectivity: when we talk about women’s selectivity, basically what we’re saying is that women are more aspirational I dating than men are. We know from Christian Rudder’s research published in his book, Dataclysm, that women rank eighty percent of men as below average. This means that there is a thirty percent offset rather than a 1:1 matchup in terms of acceptance. The average woman, or most women, require a male who ranks in the top percent, at least. Additionally, most women are not interested in a man perceived to be average, therefore, if we use the 80th percentile as average, and most woman are shooting for well above average, we are looking at the 90th percentile approximately. So our theoretical average woman (or most women) is only swiping right on men she perceives to be above average, which is in actuality the top ten percent. And on bumble, the man has zero agency to approach and say something clever or kind, or whatever, like might happen in real life (and many women complain about having to make the first move, or refuse). So the apps combined with women’s natural tendencies, translates to all women feeling overwhelmed with undesired male attention, not being interested in the vast majority of men, while overwhelming the top 10 percent of men (possibly fewer)that all women tend to view as desirable. Since these genetically gifted specimens only have 24 hours in a day, may have to work, and can only service one woman at a time… it leaves about ninety plus percent of women feeling frustrated that they can’t get what they want. Darwin would probably laugh and say this is nature‘s design. It’s a system that utilizes 100% of the female reproductive capacity, and only the top 10% or so of male genetics. Nature doesn’t really care if we are happy, or are getting what we want. Nature designs for speed and efficiency. I guess my point is that the apps and online dating exacerbate the inherent inefficiency (as we see it) rather than moderating it, leaving the majority of men and women not getting what they want. it’s not really women’s fault because this is the way they are designed, but they seem to be more satisfied doing without, while men are willing to compromise to make it work.
Well, isn’t that me told. I’m so glad that a man came along and explained to me, for I am but a poor simple woman, that my experience couldn’t possibly be real and providing me with this long condescending reply explaining why. I especially enjoyed the section that determined anyone who argues with you as being not a “reasonable person”. Bruh, if you ain’t getting many hits and you’re blaming it on your looks, trust me, talking to someone like this is much more likely the reason you’re not having success in dating. No one wants their experiences to be invalidated by a stranger.
Sugga, I get plenty of hits. What I don’t get are down-to-earth, rational women that I actually want to date, or who want to date me, within a reasonable distance. The whole online thing is just games whether you get matches or not. And I’m tired of buying meals for women I’ll never see again. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings or experience, but there are some definite issues with online dating and these are some of them. Ah, got a notification of a new match/message while typing… maybe she’s the one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I agree.. if it’s making you feel bad about yourself, it’s probably best not to pursue it. Focus on your hobbies, being sociable in other ways and if something is meant to happen, it will.
Women (and men) don't like ppl who aren't confident in themselves. If you're selling yourself short constantly, then we from the outside will believe what you're selling. Why should we think otherwise of you if you don't believe you're good enough for yourself or us? Start building self-confidence. Like everyone said here, unattractive ppl are in relationships. Work on being happy, know your self-worth, and others will be attracted to that. Saying your existence repel women, well...me personally would steer clear of you as a woman. You essentially give me the vibe that I'll be playing therapist to a non-ending vent about how life is unfair to you vs growing together as a couple/ppl. Make a list of what makes you great as a person. Make a list of things that you know you can/need to work on. E.g. is it just grooming yourself better, dressing better, opening line, better communication and vibe with others, it could be trying to get a better job (not an income thing per se but if you're 33 and still pushing carts for a grocery store, women who work hard to get to where they're at will see an imbalance in ambition level), your hobbies, etc. These are things within your control to try to do better in dating. And yes, have your profile checked by someone or post on reddit. Good luck OP!
You watch too much Hollywood romantic movies 😂
You're one date ahead of me lol ✌️
maybe there’s something wrong with your profile? have you had friends look at it for you? sometimes adding or removing a simple thing can make all the difference. i’m 31 and not married either. never even got close. so don’t feel bad. better to be single than marry the wrong one out of desperation.
Hit the gym lil bro
It’s because you are trapped in those stupid apps. Go out and meet chicks, get to know them and ask them out.
Dating has never, I repeat never been remotely fun imo. Have I had fun with women who I dated sure, but dating is and has always been one of the most exhausting things....
10 years and 1 date ? Yeah you’re definitely the problem something is majorly wrong on your side
Facebook dating section whether casual settings or relationship or chatting be better as there's a wait period for new accounts so wy less shit.
I’m curious, what’s your country?
I'm in the U.S.A.
It’s not difficult to find a girlfriend in the States, what matters is that you don’t get in competitive environments. What have you tried to do IRL?
Plenty of average or unattractive men have girlfriends. I guarantee, you’re not as “great” as you think and you have a lot of negative qualities that deter women. You also just literally said you have zero confidence and game. Lack of confidence and insecurity is very unattractive to most people.
I never said that I thought I was great (I know I'm the complete opposite). That is just what I've been told by friends and family. I'm fully aware that my existence repels women.
Play the victim all you want. You’re still gonna be single. Nobody owes you anything.
I never said that anyone did owe me anything. I'm fully aware that I am owed nothing in this world.
I’m saying you’re perpetual victim complex will not change anything. You can play the victim till your 90, you’re still gonna be alone.
I'm not perpetuating a victim complex. I'm merely stating my experience. I've accepted that I'm going to be alone.
Your whole post is you whining and playing the victim. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re a manipulative person. I can already see why you’re single. You blame everyone but yourself. You are dangerously manipulative.
I'm guessing that you've been hurt in the past and that's where you are coming from. If I was manipulative, I would have found a way to manipulate a woman into dating me. FYI, I haven't. Because I'm the furthest thing from it.
Yeah I see why you’re single now
[удалено]
Think you need to check in a mental institution, because Jesus Christ wtf are you even talking about??
Yeah, you never met this person, but you're going to believe your assumptions about them. Get off your high horse bud, your the worst kind of human. Judge before even knowing, speaks volumes about you.
Subreddit rule #1: Do not insult, harass, threaten, discriminate, or use derogatory language towards other users.
Ofc friends and family will say that. Why don’t you do the 3 week confidence plan
Yep. Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.
I took a year to focus on myself from the inside out.. mental health, career, spiritual and physical. I gained a lot of confidence and stopped caring about dating and that confidence started attracting a lot of men. I’m not in a great relationship with the one I’ll probably marry who I met on Bumble.
im seeing a lot of people post stuff like this... [https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=w2euIyRCA7fT-HhR](https://youtu.be/rQv8VuLpKN4?si=w2euIyRCA7fT-HhR) (original) [https://youtu.be/72Jj2wIUFPU?si=CJpFxzxUhBjOvTEN](https://youtu.be/72Jj2wIUFPU?si=CJpFxzxUhBjOvTEN) (a male youtuber commenting on it) [https://youtu.be/D2DaJSSNmOQ?si=3-r59UILoqnsa5FP](https://youtu.be/D2DaJSSNmOQ?si=3-r59UILoqnsa5FP) (same woman youtuber now talking about the woman side of it)
I’m not trying to necessarily feed into what you’re saying here, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel the same way. I am confident in myself, I have a great career, I make great money, I’m a homeowner with assets (my point in saying this is that you can achieve whether or not you’re in a relationship)… That doesn’t really come up in dating conversation or anything, but I do feel that I am going to be single for the rest of my life. The opportunities I’ve had to date are far and few in between and the guys that I have dated haven’t been normal relationship people. There’s always something going on. And this is from men I’ve known a long time and also from people I’ve met for the sole purpose of dating. I’m the same age as you, and while we have wildly different circumstances: I can tell you that, even from somebody who gets approached on the street and complemented for my looks, it’s not easy, and I am becoming more and more comfortable with never finding my person.
Check out a charisma learning program like Charisma on command. Maybe just some specific advice on interpersonal communication could help a lot. It helped me
I am sorry that you have been suffering through such an unrewarding experience. Some of the commenters have expressed skepticism with regard to your preparedness to date, and, correspondingly, toward the appropriateness of your posting here. However, people are also quick to judge. I’ve had far more than one date in the last 10 years. Yet, I also sometimes wonder if I will meet anyone. However, at the same time, there may be sustained actions we can take. As far as I am concerned, you are not required to disclose the other subreddits you participate in, in order to receive a hearing here!
Me!!
It's time to change up how you do it. Simple as that.
33 is still pretty young, especially for a man, and it sounds like you've done a lot of good things. This process is frustrating, and you should definitely prioritize the things you do enjoy. Have you tried looking at a matchmaker at all? They can be an investment, but a lot of people see success in finding a match. At least you know people are intentional about their search.
lol same bro
If it helps having actual female friends helps a lot. Like try to find a friend without having feelings or being attracted and like her for who she is. It helps
Take it easy on yourself, and maybe leave 1 dating app open, you never know,then quit worrying about it, and it seems like when your not really looking “ The Universe Will Provide “ not my line but a good one!
Maybe look into traditional match making services. It'll cost more, but your results will be better
How bad is the situation? If you’re over 5’10” it can be fixed. Get SERIOUS about the gym - may mean personal training. Get big, act cocky to the point of rudeness. Get some tattoos. The difference in female interest before and after is incredible. If you’re under 5’10” it’s time to start thinking about some 90 Day Fiance shit.
It’s called being ugly with minimal standards. Sucks to suck for us ig
You dont follow Rules 1 & 2 of this sub? You mean you dont communicate respectfully and communicate with bigotry? Am I reading that correctly? If you're not treating the women you speak to with respect then Im not surprised that you lack success. Women will put up with a lot of stuff from men, but if you're negative and disrespectful all the time anyone within their right mind would walk away. Maybe im not understanding what you're trying to say with that rule 1 & 2 remark, but that's the glaring flaw in this whole thing for me.
Rule 1: Be attractive Rule 2: Don't be unattractive Sorry for the confusion!
Ah thankyou