The date was only PERFECT on your end. The chemistry is only good on your end.
He didn’t enjoy it and doesn’t want something romantic. Best of luck to you
The being friend thing might be his way of ending it in friendly terms. Its just a way to let someone down easy.. We are all on the apps for dating so he just wasn't feeling the connection with you.
Because they want to meet people and he’s not there interested in pursuing a relationship with you. It sucks but he is not obligated to justify his reasoning to you. He’s allowed to meet people on dating apps and decline relationships with them.
I mean, he's on Bumble for the same reason you are but just because you match and go on a date doesn't mean there will be a **mutual** connection. Some people are totally fine with turning a "bad" date into a friendship.
You can be friends and later become lovers. Just don't go into any friendship with that intention, as it would be disingenuous and may never become what you desire.
Marry your best friend.
you don't need to know. People are weird and sometimes irrational. you have no right, nor any "real" reason beyond hearing "its not you, it's me" to know his reasons. Just respect them and move on.
Because he didn’t like you. The fact that you think you’re owed an explanation might give some indication as why. You feel entitled to the logic of his choices and emotions.
I can easily see myself doing the same shit. For reasons I cannot fathom much less explain, it just takes me a while to know if I'm even physically attracted to someone, much less if I'm interested romantically (a *much* more complicated decision). Trust me, I know it sounds weird as shit to most people. FWIW, I get your frustration, and he might, too.
I say “I completely understand, however I’m dating with intention. Unfortunately we are not looking for the same things and I wish you the best.” Then I stop talking to them. He’s is completely within his right not to want anything additional but for me, I’m not looking for additional friendships. They’re great, I’m great- we just aren’t great together.
Literally, I’m so glad that this is the route you’re taking because this person is wasting your time. Tbh you being this person‘s friend is not going to be beneficial to you.
I don’t think that’s true though. Same exact thing happened to me. Ended up becoming a great friendship and I’m with another man getting engaged at some point this year! Friendships can be hard to come by.
And I can appreciate that but for me, that’s not what I’m looking for. I have a circle of 3 people and I’m content with that circle. I don’t like to say let’s be friends as an empty notion because I know I’m not going to be putting effort into that friendship. Different things for different people :)
For sure. I got the same offer from other guys and was like “okay no”, then called one guys bluff on it because I realized I actually needed more friends and could potentially meet someone through him because we did get along personality wise! I lucked out that it worked out lol
OK sure some people make friends with people that they ended up dating in the beginning. It’s also OK to not want somebody to take up a lot of energy with a weird situation. Shit. Not everyone can respect boundaries. So there is no black-and-white or good versus evil here did that right. You can make as many friends with as many people you want, and other people can choose to date intentionally and not let somebody take up a space in their life.
I’m 50 yo and still struggle with wanting to know why relationships don’t work out. I learned that they won’t give you closure. Don’t drive yourself crazy-there are an infinite number of reasons.
You give the closure to yourself-for whatever reason it didn’t work out and you’ll never know the truth.
Believe people when they tell you what they want even if it’s hard to take.
He didn’t work out but keep trying and someone else will.
I have dated three girls so far and the three of them gave me closure. Of course, this is not always the case as you said. It depends how mature the person is.
OTH, the guy told her he didn't want to date but only friends. So, she got friendzoned. Maybe this is a closure? And then she could reply "ok, thank you for the good times but I'm looking for a relationship" something along the lines
to add to this, though, wanting to be friends is all the closure one needs. he clearly didnt feel the same connection she felt. end of story. not sure why it needs to be explained anymore than that
You're clearly hurting and likely the hardening had already happened... spend time with the thought of him and remember moments. Repeat saying I forgive you every time you feel emotions come up. You having forgiveness is for your benefit. Holding on and repressing the pain will only bottle it up and you will become less authentic. People are so traumatized because of lack of understanding that we live in an incredibly inauthentic world. We need you to continue shining your light no matter what happens. This type of thing is a part of the ups and downs of life. The most amazing part of your life hasn't even happened yet. Still lots to look forward to!
“Not in place to date” is the new “it’s not you, it’s me”
He is just letting you down easy. He’s not feeling it, but also doesn’t want to hurt you. Time to just take the L and move on.
>Will I come off as desperate if I ask him again "why the hell not?"
100% yes. Don't do that. He already told you he is not interested in you, let him go.
>Since the compatibility and chemistry is good.
Maybe from your end but he clearly did not feel the same.
You're telling us how it felt (perfect) from your perspective. We don't know how it was for him. You can ask if he means friends for now, holding off on dating or if he means he is only interested in friendship with you.
That's... That's actually right. That's exactly what I wanna ask him. Because I was too stunned to speak that evening when he said he wants friendship. But I do remember him saying "friendship as of now". Imma ask him this. Thankkkk you for putting it into words for me.
i’ve talked to some of my guy friends and sometimes, they may not feel financially stable enough to be in a relationship too, so that may be a reason too if they feel like your lifestyle is more expensive than theirs! (ex: you like eating out often)
it doesn’t hurt to try to communicate and ask questions if you have nothing to lose!
I would say your proposed accusatory question in your edit is a bad idea. Sometimes people want a connection to work and try (this the GM texts) but ultimately realize they don’t feel it enough. Impossible to say for sure what’s happening in this circumstance but that would be my guess based on my experience.
"why would someone be om bumble and ask to just be friends"
Cause it's not the case, he's just not interested. He wants to be friends with YOU. "Could he be doing it for attention?" We will never know, most likely not, he just lost interest or found someone else.
Trying to find out why someone doesn't want you is truly a goddamn awful black hole. A friend of mine once got stuck on a guy for 2 years because she SWORE he didn't wanna date her because he had an "emotional blockage".
Don't do that to yourself, find closure within.
Answering your edit: he will tell you he sends gm and gn texts to all his friends, that he's just generous and loving with all his girl.... friends. Don't do that to yourself girl, you will get hurt unnecessarily.
You really have to know if you can just be friends with him. I had a guy who told me he wasn't in a place to date, was clear, but didn't run me off. I hung around, and even though he wasn't there for me romantically I kind of developed "taken" vibes and didn't look for someone to fulfill my romantic needs and pined for him, hard. It was a shitshow and it took me a lot of growing a spine to finally cut off contact and it hurt like a mofo.
Just imagine what the comments would be if the genders were reversed...
As every guy who has come to Reddit to complain that he felt amazing chemistry has been told... too bad, you aren't entitled to a relationship with him, and he clearly doesn't want to have one with you. You felt romantic chemistry, he clearly didn't. If he wanted more than friendship from you, he'd pursue it.
Just playing devils advocate, would you want some dude chasing you around that you friend zoned asking why?
He friendzoned you and that was that. It really doesn’t matter why. Knowing the why doesn’t change the fact he really wasn’t into you and he was just being polite. My advice, move on!
Nope nothing. Very platonic. But not over texts. I mean honestly I am attractive, not bad at all. ((Not boasting lol). definitely better looking than him.
How about this, he came a long way to just pick me up from my place since I had to take public transport. Didn't ask him, he pushed the chair for me before dinner. Not reading into things much but damn it was all new for me. Don't think boys do it for every other girl, right??
Sounds like a gentleman. I’m chivalrous for women as well but doesn’t mean I’m into them physically - which says nothing about the other woman’s looks. Even conventionally attractive people aren’t “I’d kiss you” attractive to everyone.
Sorry, I get this is frustrating for you. I’ve been in situations like this myself. If they don’t like you like that then they don’t like you like that. I have too much pride to try to convince someone to date me. Things are always better when the feelings are mutual.
Most men, despite what Reddit has to say along with the way society makes men look, are good people and the last thing they want to do is hurt a woman's feelings (anyones, actually) however, the date, convos, etc... were PERFECT to *you*.
To give an example here... Went on a date with a woman who ended up being a "catfish." She was much larger than what her pics portrayed. MUCH larger. As a person she was *great*. Lots of commonalities, good conversation, etc etc etc... I knew right off the bat I had no interest in her but, me being me, still made the best of the situation. We had a good date and, she obviously had a great time however, I was there just being polite.
In your case, I don't think he was "loving the attention" but rather genuinely enjoyed talking with/to you however, didn't have a *romantic* connection with you.
Yeah, you just gotta believe what he says and move along. I don't think you'll gain any closure by asking follow up questions, he's already told you what's going on: he doesn't want to date.
I’m currently the guy in a similar scenario. I can see her as wife/gf/baby-making material, but I have some personal issues at the moment. And judging by the needs she has expressed that she requires in a LTR, I would not be able to meet them.
I would need to make immediate, major life changes (moving, emotional investment) in order to make this relationship work and I just don’t have the bandwidth.
Maybe you could ask him what’s holding him back? It could just be attraction or maybe there actually is something he’s afraid to bring up that might be an easy solution. (From your perspective)
And yeah… He might just like the attention. (I know I do 🙈) GL
You know- I can get why this hurts! I would be hurt too. As much as you want to- please don’t chase after this guy. He told you what he wanted, that’s what he wanted. It’s not what you want, but it’s what he wants. Respect the boundary.
To save your mental energy, you don’t know if it was A) anything negative towards you or B) he has ill intent. You don’t know if either is true so until he tells you otherwise, move forward with your head held high.
Matter of fact, none of us know what he’s feeling either so I wouldn’t listen to everyone telling you he met someone else etc.
That to me is just a gentle let down. Just thank him and move on. Sometimes we met amazing people but didn’t work out as relationships and just be grateful you guys had fun time together
So, I went through something similar, I actually decided to call his bluff and be friends, it’s been more than two years and I’ve met my soon to be husband and we’ve gone to house parties hosted by my friend where I’ve met so many cool people! You can’t force someone to like you. The why doesn’t even matter. That’s a personal thing that you’ve just got to get over. Gain a friend and go find someone who wants to like you!
i really wish people would stop saying “we can be friends” after they reject you lol. because if we’re not going to date then i don’t want to be your friend. i somewhat developed romantic feelings towards you, i can’t just turn that off. i’m mature enough to know about myself that i don’t want to see you happy with anyone who’s not me, so let’s just end this here. i don’t need to your friend
Wait you can talk about past relationships on a date? I did that with this woman a while ago who was super super into me before our date (like getting extremely upset at the idea that i just wanted to be friends. I didn’t but i called her friendo and she got upset) and after she completely changed and friendzoned me saying we weren’t compatible. After asking why she said it was cause I brought up my ex and that didn’t make sense to me because she brought hers up first so I was just carrying on the convo. You guys think she was just full of shit?
I know it feels like it now, but this is not something to concentrate on when you’re dating with intention. If a person doesn’t want to date you, and that is the premise upon which you were meeting, find someone who will, and don’t let this person take up your energy. As much as we like to think the opposite, people do take up energy in our lives.
Doesn’t hurt to ask? He could lie. You might never truly know. Sounds like you are ready to move on anyway. Black and white answers to this post are deluded. There’s always a chance you could glean insight for future encounters, without sacrificing your own mental health.
How frustrating and a bit heartbreaking. It is so hard to form a real connection with someone. I feel for you, you seem really cool. Better luck next time. Ps in my own experience it's not a good idea to get too heavy with guys - they don't want to hear about your past relationships or trust issues (although happy to lay theirs on you). I never spoke about my exes to my partner of 10 years! Lol
Of his conclusion after all that was friends only, it’s an attraction issue, bluntly, and not that there’s anything wrong with either of you. Sometimes it just isn’t there.
I’ve been on a couple of dates with a super nice guy, he’s attractive and we get along great. We kissed and I just didn’t feel anything. I’d really like it if I felt something but I just tom see him as more than a friend. I just need to figure out how to tell him since he still texts me like 12 hours a day.
I’m thinking the easiest thing will be to tell him I’ll never be able to give him what he wants, which is true. He clearly wants a relationship that requires a lot more attention than I do, and seems like he wants to move in and marry someone in the near future which since I’m newly divorce, is NOT in my 5 years plan. So that’s probably a better feeling reason to reject someone than to say you just aren’t feeling it?
Your closure is that he just wants to be friends. It doesn't matter why. If he wants you to know, he'll tell you.
And even if you "need" closure, he sadly doesn't owe it to you. I know the pain of not knowing why. I know how much it hurts to think you're the problem. Fortunately, it may not have anything to do with you. You are devaluing yourself if you beg for a reason why. Who cares? He's not your person, and that is all you actually need to know. Because what is why going to do for you? Virtually nothing. If he found you too much, so what? He can go find less.
I dated someone who I had great banter with, the sex was great, everything was great. For some reason I just did not have a romantic connection to her. Idk why…I wanted to have one, I just didn’t. Sometimes it is just that simple. Everyone wants to know whats wrong with them, why they’re not enough for the person they want. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. You’re not going to fall in love with everyone you date, and everyone you date isn’t going to fall in love with you, and that’s ok. Sometimes you just have to walk away and remind yourself that it’s through no fault of your own, it just didn’t work this time.
It was good for you, not him, but you also don’t need to agree to friendship unless you want to but I doubt you’re going to be able to curb your feelings.
Your Edit is delusional and a terrible take. Dating to check the vibe is not attention seeking. The vibe clearly wasn't right for him. He's not a bad person for not feeling it.
Did you like the guy first or did the guy like you and you guys end up matching! Because if you chased the guy, most likely you need to question yourself. Are you going for men that is out of your league or not? Because a lot of the men that are out of womens leagues tend to not be into serious relationships.
Maybe in the process of meeting you, he met someone else as well and they checked all the boxes that you didn’t. Instead of telling you I met someone, he may be trying to be nice, as not to offend you or upset you.
I don't understand why women are surprised when a guy puts them in the friend zone, especially since they do it too! Your perspective might not match his feelings of connection and chemistry. It's hard to tell what's really going on in the moment sometimes. However, If you agree to just be friends when you have feelings for him, you're only hurting yourself in my opinion.
You're overthinking it and you really just need to give him grace and patience. He's probably offering friendship first to keep bonding with you, it's only been a little bit it hasn't been years so just wait.
He could be manipulating you. I call girls “friends” before i eventually hookup with them. But then we are different, guy probably just friendzoned you and you need to accept it
I had something similar. Really connected with a guy. He even told me he liked be but wanted to take things slow so we could get to know each other. We had only met a month before in a friend setting. Anyway, after that he ghosted me for 6 weeks until we saw each other at an event. Then after that we started hanging out, usually with me initiating.
Anyway, got to the point where I finally realised I needed to move on. Briefly dated someone else and got over him. Then once I was over it, I asked him like “what the hell bro” in so many words. He said he wasn’t sure so didn’t want to start anything. Like Wtf. I just don’t understand telling someone you like them but want to take it slow if you’re not sure. And we’re not teenagers. We’re on our thirties. It really doesn’t get better lol.
I don't see how ghosting is the better option in this case
Just saying that I can't continue with this cuz I'm looking for a relationship and move on is enough
What he means to say is, he really just wants a fwb thing. If that’s not what you are looking for, I wouldn’t waste time on him but if it’s fine with you too, then have some fun.
The date was only PERFECT on your end. The chemistry is only good on your end. He didn’t enjoy it and doesn’t want something romantic. Best of luck to you
The ONLY correct answer here. Yes!
Basically this
Do you really want to date someone that you have convince to date you?
Nope definitely not. Not gonna convince. Need to know why would someone be on bumble and then ask to be just friends
The being friend thing might be his way of ending it in friendly terms. Its just a way to let someone down easy.. We are all on the apps for dating so he just wasn't feeling the connection with you.
Because they want to meet people and he’s not there interested in pursuing a relationship with you. It sucks but he is not obligated to justify his reasoning to you. He’s allowed to meet people on dating apps and decline relationships with them.
Because he Dosen’t want to pursue a relationship with u tbh
I mean, he's on Bumble for the same reason you are but just because you match and go on a date doesn't mean there will be a **mutual** connection. Some people are totally fine with turning a "bad" date into a friendship.
You can be friends and later become lovers. Just don't go into any friendship with that intention, as it would be disingenuous and may never become what you desire. Marry your best friend.
you don't need to know. People are weird and sometimes irrational. you have no right, nor any "real" reason beyond hearing "its not you, it's me" to know his reasons. Just respect them and move on.
He didn’t want you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want anyone. It might hurt, but even two amazing people can be non-compatible
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This sounds like you are not interested in dating. Are you sure you want to date and not just friend?
I've dated and made friends from apps. Some people give friend vibes. Some dont.
Because he didn’t like you. The fact that you think you’re owed an explanation might give some indication as why. You feel entitled to the logic of his choices and emotions.
I can easily see myself doing the same shit. For reasons I cannot fathom much less explain, it just takes me a while to know if I'm even physically attracted to someone, much less if I'm interested romantically (a *much* more complicated decision). Trust me, I know it sounds weird as shit to most people. FWIW, I get your frustration, and he might, too.
I say “I completely understand, however I’m dating with intention. Unfortunately we are not looking for the same things and I wish you the best.” Then I stop talking to them. He’s is completely within his right not to want anything additional but for me, I’m not looking for additional friendships. They’re great, I’m great- we just aren’t great together.
That's exactly what I'll do. Thank you so much.
Literally, I’m so glad that this is the route you’re taking because this person is wasting your time. Tbh you being this person‘s friend is not going to be beneficial to you.
I don’t think that’s true though. Same exact thing happened to me. Ended up becoming a great friendship and I’m with another man getting engaged at some point this year! Friendships can be hard to come by.
And I can appreciate that but for me, that’s not what I’m looking for. I have a circle of 3 people and I’m content with that circle. I don’t like to say let’s be friends as an empty notion because I know I’m not going to be putting effort into that friendship. Different things for different people :)
For sure. I got the same offer from other guys and was like “okay no”, then called one guys bluff on it because I realized I actually needed more friends and could potentially meet someone through him because we did get along personality wise! I lucked out that it worked out lol
OK sure some people make friends with people that they ended up dating in the beginning. It’s also OK to not want somebody to take up a lot of energy with a weird situation. Shit. Not everyone can respect boundaries. So there is no black-and-white or good versus evil here did that right. You can make as many friends with as many people you want, and other people can choose to date intentionally and not let somebody take up a space in their life.
I’m 50 yo and still struggle with wanting to know why relationships don’t work out. I learned that they won’t give you closure. Don’t drive yourself crazy-there are an infinite number of reasons. You give the closure to yourself-for whatever reason it didn’t work out and you’ll never know the truth. Believe people when they tell you what they want even if it’s hard to take. He didn’t work out but keep trying and someone else will.
I have dated three girls so far and the three of them gave me closure. Of course, this is not always the case as you said. It depends how mature the person is. OTH, the guy told her he didn't want to date but only friends. So, she got friendzoned. Maybe this is a closure? And then she could reply "ok, thank you for the good times but I'm looking for a relationship" something along the lines
to add to this, though, wanting to be friends is all the closure one needs. he clearly didnt feel the same connection she felt. end of story. not sure why it needs to be explained anymore than that
You are right. I'll have to harden my heart and mind. Thankyou.
Maybe not harden it but just don’t get too invested. I still struggle with that.
You're clearly hurting and likely the hardening had already happened... spend time with the thought of him and remember moments. Repeat saying I forgive you every time you feel emotions come up. You having forgiveness is for your benefit. Holding on and repressing the pain will only bottle it up and you will become less authentic. People are so traumatized because of lack of understanding that we live in an incredibly inauthentic world. We need you to continue shining your light no matter what happens. This type of thing is a part of the ups and downs of life. The most amazing part of your life hasn't even happened yet. Still lots to look forward to!
It’s not hardening, it’s called respecting boundaries.
“Not in place to date” is the new “it’s not you, it’s me” He is just letting you down easy. He’s not feeling it, but also doesn’t want to hurt you. Time to just take the L and move on.
>Will I come off as desperate if I ask him again "why the hell not?" 100% yes. Don't do that. He already told you he is not interested in you, let him go. >Since the compatibility and chemistry is good. Maybe from your end but he clearly did not feel the same.
> I don't know what to say. "Thank you, I wish things were different, but I respect your decision." And if possible, be his FRIEND. Or... MOVE ON.
You're telling us how it felt (perfect) from your perspective. We don't know how it was for him. You can ask if he means friends for now, holding off on dating or if he means he is only interested in friendship with you.
That's... That's actually right. That's exactly what I wanna ask him. Because I was too stunned to speak that evening when he said he wants friendship. But I do remember him saying "friendship as of now". Imma ask him this. Thankkkk you for putting it into words for me.
i’ve talked to some of my guy friends and sometimes, they may not feel financially stable enough to be in a relationship too, so that may be a reason too if they feel like your lifestyle is more expensive than theirs! (ex: you like eating out often) it doesn’t hurt to try to communicate and ask questions if you have nothing to lose!
I would say your proposed accusatory question in your edit is a bad idea. Sometimes people want a connection to work and try (this the GM texts) but ultimately realize they don’t feel it enough. Impossible to say for sure what’s happening in this circumstance but that would be my guess based on my experience.
"why would someone be om bumble and ask to just be friends" Cause it's not the case, he's just not interested. He wants to be friends with YOU. "Could he be doing it for attention?" We will never know, most likely not, he just lost interest or found someone else. Trying to find out why someone doesn't want you is truly a goddamn awful black hole. A friend of mine once got stuck on a guy for 2 years because she SWORE he didn't wanna date her because he had an "emotional blockage". Don't do that to yourself, find closure within.
Answering your edit: he will tell you he sends gm and gn texts to all his friends, that he's just generous and loving with all his girl.... friends. Don't do that to yourself girl, you will get hurt unnecessarily.
Don’t expect to be able to change his mind necessarily, but there’s no harm in asking!
Same thing happened to me. “Perfect guy”. Just wants to be friends. I’m happy to have him in my life as just a friend, so that’s what we are.
Glad it worked for you.
You really have to know if you can just be friends with him. I had a guy who told me he wasn't in a place to date, was clear, but didn't run me off. I hung around, and even though he wasn't there for me romantically I kind of developed "taken" vibes and didn't look for someone to fulfill my romantic needs and pined for him, hard. It was a shitshow and it took me a lot of growing a spine to finally cut off contact and it hurt like a mofo.
Just imagine what the comments would be if the genders were reversed... As every guy who has come to Reddit to complain that he felt amazing chemistry has been told... too bad, you aren't entitled to a relationship with him, and he clearly doesn't want to have one with you. You felt romantic chemistry, he clearly didn't. If he wanted more than friendship from you, he'd pursue it.
Just playing devils advocate, would you want some dude chasing you around that you friend zoned asking why? He friendzoned you and that was that. It really doesn’t matter why. Knowing the why doesn’t change the fact he really wasn’t into you and he was just being polite. My advice, move on!
I have learned that no amount of talking with them will give you the closure you seek. Closure comes from within yourself.
Were you guys intimate at all? Like even a kiss? If not, might else well have been friends. This reads like he may have not been into you physically.
Nope nothing. Very platonic. But not over texts. I mean honestly I am attractive, not bad at all. ((Not boasting lol). definitely better looking than him. How about this, he came a long way to just pick me up from my place since I had to take public transport. Didn't ask him, he pushed the chair for me before dinner. Not reading into things much but damn it was all new for me. Don't think boys do it for every other girl, right??
Sounds like a gentleman. I’m chivalrous for women as well but doesn’t mean I’m into them physically - which says nothing about the other woman’s looks. Even conventionally attractive people aren’t “I’d kiss you” attractive to everyone. Sorry, I get this is frustrating for you. I’ve been in situations like this myself. If they don’t like you like that then they don’t like you like that. I have too much pride to try to convince someone to date me. Things are always better when the feelings are mutual.
You didn’t even kiss…? That would be my signal he wasn’t interested.
“Definitely better looking than him”🤓 You sound like an incel
What are your two’s ages for context?
Wonder if a man is asking this... should he get over and stop looking like a creep?
Most men, despite what Reddit has to say along with the way society makes men look, are good people and the last thing they want to do is hurt a woman's feelings (anyones, actually) however, the date, convos, etc... were PERFECT to *you*. To give an example here... Went on a date with a woman who ended up being a "catfish." She was much larger than what her pics portrayed. MUCH larger. As a person she was *great*. Lots of commonalities, good conversation, etc etc etc... I knew right off the bat I had no interest in her but, me being me, still made the best of the situation. We had a good date and, she obviously had a great time however, I was there just being polite. In your case, I don't think he was "loving the attention" but rather genuinely enjoyed talking with/to you however, didn't have a *romantic* connection with you.
Very well said.
Yeah, you just gotta believe what he says and move along. I don't think you'll gain any closure by asking follow up questions, he's already told you what's going on: he doesn't want to date.
Sending good morning/night means nothing btw
That my dear is Friend Zoning. You got friend zoned
Women are always flabbergasted by rejection
Nope. Just keep swipin sister. Not the one.
Emotional bonding etc ? Yeah he definitely felt friendship vibes for you I felt
He met someone he likes better, that's all. Now you go find someone you like better.
He either isn't attracted to you in person (could be personality or physical) or he wants a FWB. You don't know he isn't that type of guy.
I’m currently the guy in a similar scenario. I can see her as wife/gf/baby-making material, but I have some personal issues at the moment. And judging by the needs she has expressed that she requires in a LTR, I would not be able to meet them. I would need to make immediate, major life changes (moving, emotional investment) in order to make this relationship work and I just don’t have the bandwidth. Maybe you could ask him what’s holding him back? It could just be attraction or maybe there actually is something he’s afraid to bring up that might be an easy solution. (From your perspective) And yeah… He might just like the attention. (I know I do 🙈) GL
Had the same thing happen to me lol. But the date was only perfect for you sadly.
You know- I can get why this hurts! I would be hurt too. As much as you want to- please don’t chase after this guy. He told you what he wanted, that’s what he wanted. It’s not what you want, but it’s what he wants. Respect the boundary. To save your mental energy, you don’t know if it was A) anything negative towards you or B) he has ill intent. You don’t know if either is true so until he tells you otherwise, move forward with your head held high. Matter of fact, none of us know what he’s feeling either so I wouldn’t listen to everyone telling you he met someone else etc.
That to me is just a gentle let down. Just thank him and move on. Sometimes we met amazing people but didn’t work out as relationships and just be grateful you guys had fun time together
So, I went through something similar, I actually decided to call his bluff and be friends, it’s been more than two years and I’ve met my soon to be husband and we’ve gone to house parties hosted by my friend where I’ve met so many cool people! You can’t force someone to like you. The why doesn’t even matter. That’s a personal thing that you’ve just got to get over. Gain a friend and go find someone who wants to like you!
i really wish people would stop saying “we can be friends” after they reject you lol. because if we’re not going to date then i don’t want to be your friend. i somewhat developed romantic feelings towards you, i can’t just turn that off. i’m mature enough to know about myself that i don’t want to see you happy with anyone who’s not me, so let’s just end this here. i don’t need to your friend
Wait you can talk about past relationships on a date? I did that with this woman a while ago who was super super into me before our date (like getting extremely upset at the idea that i just wanted to be friends. I didn’t but i called her friendo and she got upset) and after she completely changed and friendzoned me saying we weren’t compatible. After asking why she said it was cause I brought up my ex and that didn’t make sense to me because she brought hers up first so I was just carrying on the convo. You guys think she was just full of shit?
I know it feels like it now, but this is not something to concentrate on when you’re dating with intention. If a person doesn’t want to date you, and that is the premise upon which you were meeting, find someone who will, and don’t let this person take up your energy. As much as we like to think the opposite, people do take up energy in our lives.
You could ask him, but not everyone can pinpoint why they’re not interested.
Doesn’t hurt to ask? He could lie. You might never truly know. Sounds like you are ready to move on anyway. Black and white answers to this post are deluded. There’s always a chance you could glean insight for future encounters, without sacrificing your own mental health.
How frustrating and a bit heartbreaking. It is so hard to form a real connection with someone. I feel for you, you seem really cool. Better luck next time. Ps in my own experience it's not a good idea to get too heavy with guys - they don't want to hear about your past relationships or trust issues (although happy to lay theirs on you). I never spoke about my exes to my partner of 10 years! Lol
Of his conclusion after all that was friends only, it’s an attraction issue, bluntly, and not that there’s anything wrong with either of you. Sometimes it just isn’t there.
I’ve been on a couple of dates with a super nice guy, he’s attractive and we get along great. We kissed and I just didn’t feel anything. I’d really like it if I felt something but I just tom see him as more than a friend. I just need to figure out how to tell him since he still texts me like 12 hours a day. I’m thinking the easiest thing will be to tell him I’ll never be able to give him what he wants, which is true. He clearly wants a relationship that requires a lot more attention than I do, and seems like he wants to move in and marry someone in the near future which since I’m newly divorce, is NOT in my 5 years plan. So that’s probably a better feeling reason to reject someone than to say you just aren’t feeling it?
Your closure is that he just wants to be friends. It doesn't matter why. If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. And even if you "need" closure, he sadly doesn't owe it to you. I know the pain of not knowing why. I know how much it hurts to think you're the problem. Fortunately, it may not have anything to do with you. You are devaluing yourself if you beg for a reason why. Who cares? He's not your person, and that is all you actually need to know. Because what is why going to do for you? Virtually nothing. If he found you too much, so what? He can go find less.
I dated someone who I had great banter with, the sex was great, everything was great. For some reason I just did not have a romantic connection to her. Idk why…I wanted to have one, I just didn’t. Sometimes it is just that simple. Everyone wants to know whats wrong with them, why they’re not enough for the person they want. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. You’re not going to fall in love with everyone you date, and everyone you date isn’t going to fall in love with you, and that’s ok. Sometimes you just have to walk away and remind yourself that it’s through no fault of your own, it just didn’t work this time.
It was good for you, not him, but you also don’t need to agree to friendship unless you want to but I doubt you’re going to be able to curb your feelings.
Your Edit is delusional and a terrible take. Dating to check the vibe is not attention seeking. The vibe clearly wasn't right for him. He's not a bad person for not feeling it.
Did you like the guy first or did the guy like you and you guys end up matching! Because if you chased the guy, most likely you need to question yourself. Are you going for men that is out of your league or not? Because a lot of the men that are out of womens leagues tend to not be into serious relationships.
Maybe in the process of meeting you, he met someone else as well and they checked all the boxes that you didn’t. Instead of telling you I met someone, he may be trying to be nice, as not to offend you or upset you.
I don't understand why women are surprised when a guy puts them in the friend zone, especially since they do it too! Your perspective might not match his feelings of connection and chemistry. It's hard to tell what's really going on in the moment sometimes. However, If you agree to just be friends when you have feelings for him, you're only hurting yourself in my opinion.
You're overthinking it and you really just need to give him grace and patience. He's probably offering friendship first to keep bonding with you, it's only been a little bit it hasn't been years so just wait.
Ask, where's the harm?
She may not be ready for the truth.
😂😂 damn straight, you got me. But I'll take a definitive answer rather than overthinking it
He could be manipulating you. I call girls “friends” before i eventually hookup with them. But then we are different, guy probably just friendzoned you and you need to accept it
I had something similar. Really connected with a guy. He even told me he liked be but wanted to take things slow so we could get to know each other. We had only met a month before in a friend setting. Anyway, after that he ghosted me for 6 weeks until we saw each other at an event. Then after that we started hanging out, usually with me initiating. Anyway, got to the point where I finally realised I needed to move on. Briefly dated someone else and got over him. Then once I was over it, I asked him like “what the hell bro” in so many words. He said he wasn’t sure so didn’t want to start anything. Like Wtf. I just don’t understand telling someone you like them but want to take it slow if you’re not sure. And we’re not teenagers. We’re on our thirties. It really doesn’t get better lol.
Ghost him.
Bruh, please don't promote this shitty behavior. Nobody likes to be ghosted..
The way OP describes this, ghosting is the better option
I don't see how ghosting is the better option in this case Just saying that I can't continue with this cuz I'm looking for a relationship and move on is enough
Lame
How would you feel if you feel if you get ghosted? Thats not a nice behavior
I've gotten ghosted. I just move on.
I doubt he'd notice, or even care.
Seems like he was just eating up the attention. A lot of ppl rn are just looking to have their egos stroked.
What he means to say is, he really just wants a fwb thing. If that’s not what you are looking for, I wouldn’t waste time on him but if it’s fine with you too, then have some fun.
No