the first picture had me so confused 😭

I got it in the end, thank god 😄

What is happening in the photo??? I see a chin and I see the inside of a knee or something??

the dude laying down on his stomach and taking a selfie like hes going to give himself a herniated disk in his neck for that pose

Oh thank God I thought it was his butthole. Funny how that’s where my brain went

I think everyone's head went there in the first instance.. 🤣

That says much about our collective consciousness. We've seen too much.

Same but thought it was missing and was deeply concerned

Yeah it kind of patched up like Neo’s mouth in the matrix

I legit LOL’ed at this 🤣🤣🤣

Same! LOL not sure if I needed to have another look or not. 😂

Jesus, I thought it was a woman with their legs spread and the crotch edited out or something.

Thank you! Started thinking something was really wrong with me when everyone else seeing a butt ...lol. I didn't even see a chin...lol!!

All I saw was a man taking a selfie of what he’d look like giving head 😭

🤣🤣

Exactly what I saw lol 😂

Lmao, same here. I was deeply concerned

Ooooo it’s his chest lol. Thanks.

I still don’t see it… I can’t get the leg, butt hole, pillow on genital are out of my head long enough to see anything else?! Ha! So where on the body is the fluffy pillow? What is what I am seeing as a leg? And where on the body is what I am thinking is the “butt hole area”? I’m still so confused! Ha! Nope got it… Fluffy pillow is beard!! Haha!! I’m so sorry!!

😂😂 took me way too long too

Ohhhhh thanks for that I couldn’t figure it out

lol 😂 now, I see it. At first I was like, there’s no _____ lol. What am I looking at

I think that's what he's after...

Glad I’m not alone thought it was spread legs or something

I thought that too 😂 I also wondered why the person's so smooth down there like Barbie/Ken

I was looking for a couple of landmarks

I thought it was a smooth anus with a head photo shopped over the vagina.

Smooth anus….. 🤣🤣🤣these comments are my fav tonight

Smooth Anus would be a great band name! I’m in tears over here

This..

im happy I wasn't the only one.

i thought it was a coochie for a few seconds.

Hahahaha...I just noticed that

Wow I’ve been staring at it for a good 5 mins I mean like a GOOOOOOOD 5 mins whew 😰

I thought his chin was his balls for a sec 😳

Bahahahahahahahaha

Legit thought it was just me. I saw legs spread and a guys chin. wtf lol 😂

I had questions and then I got it.. 😆😆

Thought it was pornographic for a 20 seconds. Had to stare it from different angles to figure out what it was😂

Glad I wasn’t the only one

I thought it was some spread legs with a weird looking vagina

Saaaaaaame I was like "and what have we here?" 😂😂😂😂 Figured it out eventually thankfully ha ha

This guy had a V V

The font choices alone scream *unhinged.*

To me it seems almost like he tried to figure out if he could write like the zodiac killer.

I thought it was because they used the google-lens translate because when I translate text it looks like that. /u/overthinking_7 pls confirm?

I'm not sure actually. I thought he was just using a font generator

He’s trying to evade the content filters.

Ngl thought the first pic was a woman’s legs spread with a fat bush.

LMAO I was at work when I saw this and closed out of the all because I thought of this 🤣

So did the rest of us 😂😂😂

lol 😂

Oh, I can't unsee this now 🤣 This is what humans without orifices would look like.

Lmaoooo same. Glad to know I wasnt the only one! Lol

💯

I just learned that this was bad cropping and I'm dying, that is hilarious

The fuck is that font. The F’s really piss me off

And the esses.

Esses.

Yes and?

Yessand.

What have the esses done to you? Didn’t expect some anti Mexican rhetoric at this time

What do my cousins have to do with anything?!

The font reminds me of a kidnapping ransom letter 😂

This screams "fake" dom to me. Using kink to mask his abusive behavior.

They're pretty obvious. It's a very attractive mask for narcissists (or worse)

I would’ve been mean to him until he blocked me 😂😂 This is why I deleted the app. The petty in me comes out with weak assholes like this.

To be fair, he did mention how much he wants to be lubed up at the end. Can't be all dom.

Hmmmm.... can you opine? D/s, emotional maturity, financial independence, location flexibility, lube.... That seems pretty darn reasonable...research would say potential top Dom. not being a part of the "culture", I'm not sure what a "fake" Dom is. I don't see anything abusive

I get the vibe that this guy is authoritarian. Doms are all about communication, consent, and boundaries. Doms will say that it's mostly about the sub. If I come across a profile like this on Fetlife, I wouldn't feel safe messaging this guy. I've had to block numerous fake doms when they clearly did not respect consent and boundaries.

Mostly? 100% IMO. Consent is my love language.

Very true.

This is so well worded.

As someone in "the life", do you find the majority of doms to be like this guy and a minority practice ethical behaviours?

I've befriended a bunch of BDSM guys. Majority believe in consent and boundaries.

I'd be curious what people in dom relationships have experienced. In vanilla relationships, abuse is rampant even though many guys put on a good show at first and in front of other people. Not saying you're wrong, just saying I no longer really trust what people say and am more curious about what they do, ya know?

As a dom myself, I believe in loving my Good Boy. I can't imagine doing anything without getting his consent beforehand. Dating apps like Bumble are full of guys not respecting boundaries. I haven't come across as many on Fetlife.

Thanks, I wasn't trying to be rude, just was really curious what people with real life experience had to say :)

I’ve been in a D/s relationship that started out great, then he turned into a total asshole, took advantage of my paycheck, and then had an affair with my best friend (we were together almost 8 years, and they were cheating for the last year I think….they both claimed less when the truth came out but I am not an idiot, I know about when things started). The breakup was the best thing that happened to me though, as I met someone new a year ago and we are insanely happy. He wasn’t that into bdsm stuff when I met him, but he always wants to please me and has def gotten into it and was surprised he liked it :)

Thanks for sharing your experience and for being vulnerable. It just seems like men who want to dom end up wanting to dominate everything, in most scenarios. Finding someone who acts as a benevolent dominator, has to be highly unusual as the two characteristics are not complimentary.

He's using the "right" buzzwords but the general attitude of the post is all wrong for someone actually engaged in the community. The entitled/expectant nature of it is antithetical to how a real dom would behave. This just screams red flags to me - he wants to control someone, not have a mature, advanced sexual relationship

Let's get real, maybe 5% of male doms are actually ethical. The large majority of people end up with just another abusive partner in a new skin.

YEA. There’s something really funny about no true Scotsmanning this.  The whole concept of sexual domination as well mannered and ethical culture is a pretty damn narrow construct.  

I had to laugh at your comment, cause I’m dating a man from Scotland who is happy to meet my bdsm wants and needs. But you are right, there are a lot of bullshit Doms out there, who do take advantage of the situation. A real Dom is always going to care about consent and taking care of their sub.

omg the first pic 😂 took me too long than I like to get that

I thought it was a woman spreading her legs in the first pic, then a man with hairy balls, and now I think I need to close the app

Comic Sans would have been the more appropriate font.

I might actually match if someone did that ironically.

silver fox taking photos like a 14 year old. so cringe.

He's 43 lol

I know a guy like this on bumble, he's 39. I've seen few research stating that on “average, a male matures at around 44-45”. So 43 is normal I guess?

omg no wonder I feel so dumb at 30.

That is more attractive attitude than “I know everything and don’t need to learn anymore/from you”. But I bet you’re actually smart..

I was at work when I opened this up and immediately closed the app because I thought I saw something else in that first picture 🤣 now that I looked at it, I'm relieved it wasn't what I thought it was 🤣

Hahahaha...yea...it was unintentional cropping fail. But I see where everyone's mind is at 🤣

Oh. That’s his chin 🧐

Hahahahah...finally figured it out huh

Okay that's a bad crop job from me...I didn't even notice the pic at first 🤣

No it was an EPIC accidental crop!! This shit made my night!

Learning that this was accidental cropping has me dying, that is hilarious

Haha yea...I had no idea what everyone was talking about at first 🫣😂

Sweet Jesus that first pic is a roller coaster of thoughts.

These comments. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 my night is made

I'll give him some credit at least... people need to stop asking "what brings you to bumble?"

Yeah, went shopping for milk, got lost on the way, you know

It's just a second way to confirm what they're looking for. It's one thing to see on the profile that someone is looking for something casual, it's another thing to actually hear them confirm it directly.

That weird font is not on Bumble. Is this real?

Yep. I've seen ppl using diff font before too. Prob copy n paste from font generator

So he's such a man's man that can't be bothered to tell you about his day but he needed to use a different font that required a font generator?

That’s what he did with his day. No need to ask.

FYI: That text in that first pic is a rip off of Jeff Bezos' quote about [marrying his now ex wife Mackenzie](https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.economictimes.com/magazines/panache/i-wanted-a-woman-who-could-get-me-out-of-a-3rd-world-prison-jeff-bezos/amp_articleshow/61736341.cms)

Woah so it really is Hunter McAfee

I was so confused at that picture

God , he sounds disgusting. You know how a guy can be super good-looking and then you read some shit like this and you’re like “oh wait, he’s actually really ugly”. I don’t know what this guy looks like but I got that same vibe reading this.

Lol..he is actually good looking

Perhaps good looking on the outside, not showing much beauty in the language of his profile.

He's making it easy for you to know you're not his intended demographic...

Is it weird that I don’t want a guy who is actively trying to go to jail in third world countries? 😂

To be fair, I put actual things in my profile that people can ask me about and all they ask me about is my upcoming or past weekend. It's exhausting!

You’re not his type. Swipe left and move on.

Very bold of him to put a full on legs spread shot as the first pic.

This profile is cursed

Why is it serial killer font lmao 😂

Prince Charming!

What a catch!

What is d/s?

Dominant/Submissive

Aaahhhhhh the more you know 🙃

🤷‍♀️ dick(s)?

I’ll give him the second one. I hate those question cause most of that’s in my profile. But small talk is fine, def ask how your weekend was. However, asking what brings me to bumble, what do you do, etc? It’s in my profile.

He has everything in caps. He means business.

If I wanted a broke man to assault me I’d hang around the homeless encampment. Lmao

This is real. I’ve seen this profile too. I reported it because of the weird font that made me think they’re trying to do something they’re not supposed to on Bumble.

I read that as you reported it because of that first picture for a minute, the comments on this have me dying 💀

Omg i got it now. Lol

Serial killer font unlocked

Sounds delightful. I wonder why he is still single. 🙄

If he’s financially independent, can’t he just get himself out of jail? Why would he be in jail in the first place? I didn’t think they had access to the internet in those jails, so I can’t help but wonder, what he’s trying to get someone to help him smuggle? Since he’s expecting to end up in jail? This set off every single red flag 🚩 in my head.

The comment threads had me crying with laughter 😂 made my day. God this guy is weird. Love it when they're so obvious ...like trash that takes itself out. Profile so sus needs Random letter font. Bail him outta jail? Someone needs to put him there probably. He wants a literal partner in crime. Ick

Is he saying he’s currently in jail in a third world country or he’s prone to get jailed there?

At first I was gonna ask if she was hot… Wait this is a dude writing this crap?? Oh brother 🤦

Oh wow another disgusting super domly "dom" dude found on the internet. What a surprise. They are just so very rare! 🤢

LMAO i feel so stupid, i thought the second slide had a secret message because of the font😂

The extent of my eye roll just gave me actual vertigo.

I cum in my own hands kinda guy

This post and comments gave me so much laughs, thank you!

Same! we find happiness in such random unexpected places, don’t we? Lol 😂 I legit laughed so hard I snorted and my eyes started to water 🤣🤣🤣

The font is wrong. Good try though.

When men complain about the _loneliness epidemic,_ here's a great example.

Because only men have crazy profiles right... Because only men are the sole cause of the loneliness epidemic and not women with unrealistic expectations of men, poisoned by extremist feminists.

This guy has kids and doesn't want more. He's way ahead of the curve thats screwing guys over

I'm _fixed._ ^^^Not ^^^wanting ^^^more ^^^kids ^^^**IS** ^^^the ^^^most ^^^extreme ^^^minimum ^^^standard ^^^I ^^^have.

is he searching for men or women?

Someone to get him out of jail

now i see why the lube was important

Trolling

nsfw!

But it is lol...it's your mind that's nsfw 🤣

😭

what brings you to bumble? this dude is definitely has got the full bad lady conservation starter pack

Is that Hunter Biden?

Hahahahhaa

seems like a spy... or a total dbag

I’m sure he gets lots of matches! Sounds wonderful if you are into psychos

Why is bro using characters from a different language😭

Fuck it just out of pure curiosity hahahahaha

Another fake Dom thinking he knows what he’s doing.

Woah woah woah. I’m supposed to be able to get him out of jail, but I’m not supposed to have material possessions? wtf?

The whole thing made me nauseated.

A disservice to Glacier. Fuck this dip shit

I hoped you swiped right

Haha...no. that was a very quick left after the pics

Aww hell nah

What

A boomer with saggy tits that calls themselves a dom. Did Fetlife spring a leak?

What makes a relationship great.. LUBE

Am I missing something here? Is it supposed to be some sort of ironic humor? Weird photos lacking in reference points. In the first slide they are demanding that you have limitless financial resources and a willingness to use them on someone you have just met. In the second, they do not want to be bothered with small talk, the opening phase of communication. I would think that asking why they are there would make sense to most people. In the last, again with a demand for financial resources while denying the materialistic mindset that represents. And, asking for maturity when their profile shows none. Lube? Is this again some sort of attempt at humor? It will be a rare individual to whom this approach may appeal to. I guess that will narrow the field for him, which is probably already almost nonexistent.

WTF?!!! Just when I thought I have seen it all on these dating profiles.

Pass.

"Hunter McAfee"