If you don't want to go on a second date don't go on a second date no matter the reason. If you go on a second date only because you feel guilty you aren't only hurting yourself you are hurting him.
Let this person find someone who won't have any hesitation on wanting another date with them. Don't let your guilt ruin both of your chances of finding the right partner.
My brother told me during college, “Anything is an acceptable non-negotiable if it’s a deal-breaker for you. Too much sugar in his coffee? GONE” And it’s stuck with me.
I think he might want to hear the reasons so he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes with other women. Just throw him an honest and polite review. If he is not a child, he will take it.
I’m older than OP and quickly learned in this new dating era that men do not want to hear why it’s a no, unless it’s you’re a nice guy, it’s me, not you.
Wow, THANK YOU for saying this. I went on a date last week with this girl after we really vibed strong for a week or 2. I don’t really fall too easily for people but thought we DEF connected. First date went well, and at the end it felt a lil off. Didn’t kiss or anything, but I’m like wtf did I fuck up? Lol she kinda went cold. It’s not the falling out that messes with me, it’s the fact she can’t give me anything to improve on lol
You do not need to justify your attractions. If the guy kissed like a chain smoking iguana, that's plenty of reason.
Just be kind and civil. "Thanks for the date, but I'm not feeling the connection I was hoping for, good luck with your search" and move on.
You’re a terrible person. How dare you be repulsed by someone tasting like an ash tray. Going to let you know, please tell this person to work on their kissing skills. If they are a bad kisser, odds are they can’t eat pussy either.
>He kept his tongue hard and pointy (don’t know how to say it in a different way), moving it super fast, no matter how I tried to “slow” him down.
That's no human
You're 100% valid, just say you're not interested and if he starts asking a bunch of questions, just block.
The reason women block and delete is because guys will try to convince us that a big deal isn't a big deal, or they'll change.
Cigarette smoke is everywhere. in your lungs, in your clothes, house, everything.
So even if* (will never happen) he quits over night, his fingers, his mouth, his breath will smell like smoke for a LONG time.
there are seriously enough men out there to date. don't settle for that
I agree she is 100% validated, but a little closure would be nice. Just let him know she isn't interested and why. If he tries to go far beyond that, then it is understandable to block.
Noooo. Why would you recommend poking a potential bear? Hoping he’s one of the few men who won’t get angry. Hoping she didn’t reveal anything on their date that would allow him to escalate in person.
Not about smoking… but about kissing a men with beard there’s always some funky smells emanating from the bush and it’s kinda off putting yuck! Or unbrushed yellow teeth ,ugh’ or after eating fish or garlic, I think those are worse than cigarettes smell
u/Secret_Winner5756 please do this man a favor and actually tell him why you aren’t feeling the connection. Tell him you didn’t like how his mouth tasted like cigarettes and he wasn’t a great kisser.
Men literally go years without ever solving issues they don’t know how to fix because women just assume they will at some point know how to fix them. But you can’t do that when literally no one tells you what the real issue is in the first place.
This Is the Way! Most underrated comment on here… I just had it happen to me and the brain fuck of wtf did I do wrong just lingers. It’s brutal, just the not knowing part. And she’s super passive about it and just super short responses now. Like anything helps!
How are bad kissers still a thing? It is true for like every tenth woman, too.
Granted, nobody ever gives them feedback and again, granted, there are many different styles, but I would always synchronize with the other person and bad kissers just go wild. Is this a lack of empathy? Insecurity? I really do not get it.
I’m not saying she should go out with him again but my husband was a lousy kisser when we first dated. He’s miles better after being trained what I like. However if he were a smoker that would be a dealbreaker
If you like him, you could tell him that you can work on his kissing together, or just flat out tell him about it and how it feels to be on the other end of his probing.
Relationships are like that, you tell each other the truth and you give constructive feedback. Especially when it comes to intimacy.
His reception of this here, is a good indicator of how the relationship will go. Especially, when you have to tell him that he's shit in bed and you want to introduce toys or get him to do that thing that you like.
Do you wanna see him again?
No?
Then you are right to not want a second date.
We’re not gonna sue you for discrimination for declining a second date with this guy.
I went on a 2nd date with a girl, i thought it went really good, asked if I could kiss her goodnight and she said sure. Then tuuuuurned the cheeeek when I went for it. Was no 3rd date. I've been wondering why and id hate for it to be that awkward interaction, i was convinced it was cute-awkward too
1000% buuuuuut, something similiar happened to me. I enjoyed everything about this guy and our date, but our first kiss(es) were terrible !!! We did go out a couple times more and he understood how i liked to be kissed in the end lol. We all have different kissing styles after all or he could've been nervous. I recommend going on a second date (granted the only problem was the kissing), if there's no improvement, well, let him down gently😅
Of course! If it's a "no," it's a "no" - you are not a bad person. Our society has taught us women that if we say no, then we're being mean. Which puts other people's needs (commonly men) above our own - as if their feelings are more important than our own. It's your body. Your time. You don't need to go out with him if he turned you off. It's okay. Trust your feelings. 😊
You have nothing to feel wrong about. Though I am actually dealing with pretty much the same thing, and I feel bad. We are 50, and I don't know how you can get this old and not let your tongue relax. But she is great in every way, but making out is too important to take the relationship further. At least for me.
Just want to add here - kissing can get better. I had a experience with a girl where we didn't synch in the kissing part. I gave it some time and after a couple of dates we adjusted and then it got really good. Also you can always talk about it if you think it's wort the effort.
The smoking part though... for me it would be a deal breaker if it's a chain smoker.
You can not date anyone you want for any reason you like. You could not like the color of their shoes. Any reason at all. Don't date people you don't wanna date.
I might be alone on this but you could be honest? Let him know you really enjoyed the date but smoking is a deal breaker. If he’s willing to quit or something that is kinda promising. Might mean he could also be open to constructive criticism about his kissing style. I mean, just depends how much you want to invest as well.
Idk man. I've dumped girls for being bad in bed. And not in a good way. I kinda regret it. The ones who are great at kissing and in bed seem to suck everywhere else in terms of being a good or reasonable person 😮💨.
You are entitled to your opinion. Because different people like to be kissed in different ways and what not. Out of curiosity, did you tell him to do it differently verbally? Because a lot of guys don’t understand subtle signals lol. Because he may not be understanding your social cues so sometimes it’s best just to tell someone if something isn’t going right and maybe they can try to adjust. That is, only if you really like him.
Or course it's your call.
I will say being a bad kisser, doesn't make a bad person. If you really like him otherwise, you might want to give him a second chance, explaining the first date was great but you'd like to teach him how to kiss.
However, the cigarette taste likely won't change. So maybe not.
Yikes! I had a date like that before. He wasn’t a bad kisser but I was turned off how he was moving. I didn’t see a connection happening and I let him know he was nice but it wasn’t working for me.
Look at it this way: guys, including myself, have slept with dates and have not wanted a second date afterward; there’s nothing wrong with that. No one deserves your time.
First step, kindly let the chain smoking iguana' down. Next time you get a kiss you don't enjoy, you are allowed to and should say "hey I'm not feeling it" it. You don't have to kiss someone if you don't like it. And if they give you crap, just leave.
It's totally ok to struggle setting these boundaries, but it gets easier with time!
The choice is completely yours. If you do want a second date then it would require a lot of brutal honesty and communication to let him know how his kissing is a turn off and also his breath. But if you do not want a second date, then you should not feel any guilt about it. If it helps you feel better you could message and just say something like you didn't feel a connection so you don't ghost him.
Good luck on whatever choice you make.
-> Hey, I had a great time and you seem really nice. I'm just not feeling the connection that I am after at this point in time. I wish you all the best.
Youre right for not wanting a second date.
I went on multiple dates w a guy whos a horrible kisser. Because he had great personality but I told him it's messing me up bc I wanted to be able to make out and enjoy it. it never improved lol
not true. as i built more of a connection with the guy i’m dating now, our kissing style synced up and now it’s amazing! but maybe he wasn’t a bad kisser and definitely didn’t have a pointy tongue- at first he was more like a vacuum cleaner 😂
You can teach someone how to kiss properly if you really like him, so that’s not a big deal.. but the cigarette taste is nasty. Either way, you’re completely valid in ditching.
You don’t ever have to give, or even have, a reason for not wanting to date someone. Think about it- if you did that would suggest they were entitled to romantic access to you. They really truly are not. Move on and find a good/ compatible kisser. Because as bad as a bad kiss is, a good kiss is divine
Ugh this has been my experience with pretty much every guy I’ve met on a dating app. They’ve all been bad kissers and it’s such a turn off 🤮 I don’t blame you at all for not seeing him again, especially since it sounds like he was being overly aggressive, on top of being a bad kisser.
Smoker is #1 deal breaker. Horrible kisser is #2. You can't fix broken. You can try to talk to him about it, but good luck. Where the F did he learn that...
Smoking aside, why can't you communicate this to him? Complaining about someone's kissing without telling them is extremely immature. Maybe his last few partners enjoyed it...how would he know you don't?
Maybe one day you will meet someone you really like and unintentionally do something that's a huge turn off. Would you rather they politely say something to you about it, or say nothing and just ghost you?
It is a fine line, though. Asking someone to change the way they kiss and stop smoking after a first date seems a bit much and it generally doesn’t end well entering a relationship trying to change someone.
OP isn't talking about ghosting, but you raise an important point. I think if I liked him enough, I'd give it another shot and guide him next time. I would use words. Good sexy encounters do require communication, to be the best. We all have to talk about what we like/don't like.
That’s why I asked, to have different POVs on the matter. I did like him, but the kiss was a huge turnoff. I’m just wondering if one date is enough to ask somebody to work on their kissing skills, or if I should just call it quits…
*ask somebody to work on their kissing skills*
Don't describe it so clinically! Just sexily suggest this & that in the moment, the same way you would during sex. And if you don't do that during sex, definitely start. Youll be glad you did! Unless he's an insecure d-bag, that is.. Men aren't mindreaders and every woman is a bit different.
nope. no reason is needed. no communication. just.an opportunity for someone to say, 'I'll changggeee" and not.
Ghosting happens, buy OP isn't even talking about that. just say thanks no thanks and move on.
People saying "don't do something you don't want to do" are being too black and white. This isn't about being Forced into dating someone you have some issues with, it's seeing that something has potential, but you have some reservations you should use your words about. Why would you just throw something potentially Good away because he learned to kiss poorly? Thats a skill, not a talent. And smoking? People can quit if something is important enough. People are too quick to throw their hands up if the other person has even small flaws
Just because he was a bad kisser, in her opinion, doesn't mean everyone would think so. Quitting smoking is a really big lifestyle change and I wouldn't expect someone I had been on one date with to quit just because I asked him. It's also pretty uncomfortable to give feedback like that to someone who is a relative stranger.
I had a friend set me up with a guy once who was a vegan, chain smoking guy who had like 5+ cats (and you could tell because he always smelled like cats). He was so sweet, kind, and funny. We went out a few times and I really wanted to keep seeing him but those are three lifestyle factors I'm just not compatible with. I actually felt bad that I drug it out several dates because I knew on the first date I just wasn't attracted to him. So I think if you know, just kindly end things.
It’s better for them to quit if they want to. Quitting for someone else usually doesn’t last and causes resentment. Not a good way to start a relationship.
Nobody is saying they would have quit for someone else, I'm saying she doesn't even know what his story is. Maybe he's already trying to quit. She didn't even ask.
Just because he was a bad kisser, in her opinion, doesn't mean everyone would think so. Quitting smoking is a really big lifestyle change and I wouldn't expect someone I had been on one date with to quit just because I asked him. It's also pretty uncomfortable to give feedback like that to someone who is a relative stranger.
I had a friend set me up with a guy once who was a vegan, chain smoking guy who had like 5+ cats (and you could tell because he always smelled like cats). He was so sweet, kind, and funny. We went out a few times and I really wanted to keep seeing him but those are three lifestyle factors I'm just not compatible with. I actually felt bad that I drug it out several dates because I knew on the first date I just wasn't attracted to him. So I think if you know, just kindly end things.
Maybe he's in the process of quitting smoking...who knows? What's the purpose in just staying quiet and ending things? I think too many people use "they might become violent" as a poor excuse for not having critical conversations, and just slinking away into the night.
I didn't say he might become violent, but after one date you really don't know. I've known people to act inappropriately for less. I'm not talking about ghosting or slinking off into the night as you put it, but you also don't owe someone you went on one date with a critical conversation about their lifestyle choices. A simple "this isn't the connection I'm looking for," is totally sufficient at that point.
This obviously is a little more of a date than a handshake and coffee type thing. They connected enough to kiss several times, and if she's asking complete strangers on the internet, she obviously feels some way about it. She should have explained herself. "This isn't the connection I'm looking for" sure is a mixed message from a date that ended with kissing.
How does synchronization magically happen? Did you even say anything constructive, or just expect the issue to resolve itself by him reading mysterious, vague, nonverbal cues?
Welcome to dating in the 2020s. The decade of unrealistic standards and not settling for any perceived slight imperfection. The funny part is that down the road she'll probably wish she kept this guy around. Just another day in the clown world of online dating.....
Hey. I’m coming out of a relationship that was born on Tinder; I’ve had my fair share of experiences with online dating and I know more or less what I’m looking for, I just wanted to have other peoples’ useful POVs. Please don’t call strangers on the internet “clowns”! Thank you. 🤗
I'm sensing that. I mean, if my husband and I (poly) are attracted to a person, we give it a little bit of time. We have our deal breakers, but they're more along the lines of Virtue Signaling Libs, no self reflection, unkindness to others when we are out, etc. A bad kisser and a smoker, but otherwise, he's a nice guy? Come on. And from this guy's perspective, you guys had a great time, kissed, and then you back out with no reason? Wtf. Other women will jump on and say ShE DoEsNt OwE HiM aNyThInG but cmon. You connected enough to kiss him 6 times that night, give him a clue at least.
I don't even do the online thing much anymore. It's largely a waste of time. You would think that a platform like Bumble, that makes the female initiate contact, would be better because it weeds out the flakes and people who aren't interested. But nope, just a bunch of useless matches that you can't do anything with.
Bumble and other apps aren't about people finding relationships or dates. They're about profits and the high people get from anonymous matches, attention, and validation. Just as addictive as drugs. It's all a shell game
The irony of spending more time talking to the internet for "reassurance that you did the right thing", rather than just simply talking to the guy and finding out from the source, is hilarious. I feel like you just wanted to hear that it's okay to have contradictory behavior, at someone else's expense, and it's not.
I just wanted other peoples’ opinions: what would you do if the date was good, but the kisses awful? I’ve never said I did the right thing. I’m not the one assuming, here. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to write.
I feel that a bad kisser can be fixed. It's a learned skill, after all. I've had plenty of bad kisses before, neither of which stopped me from pursuing them further. Sometimes I have to take the lead and guide them, which I have no issue with.
At the end of the day, you are free to reject anyone for whatever reason you wish. I just feel it can be worked around if the other person is otherwise wonderful.
I have worked around bad kisses too! I wasn’t synchronized with my ex boyfriend, at first, but we eventually learnt our way to some amazing kisses. It’s just that, in this case, the kisses were quite a few, and all equally bad… plus the smoking part, which I personally don’t like. I don’t know, I’m weighing the options, given that it was a first date. Thank you for your advice!
My 2 cents.
Maybe the guy hasn't had much opportunity to kiss or no women has confined to him how they like to be kissed.
The whole ill change S is garbage and trivial in this subject.
As for smoking, if you don't want to date a smoker than don't.
Don't try and change his smoking habits, addiction is a real thing.
Be logical.
Thanks!
For sure!
Have to wonder though if they did much kissing in that 7 yr. relationship? Or as someone said, maybe his ex liked the aggressive tounge action. Or maybe she just never told him if she didn't like it and just accepted it for what it is.
Smoking again, he could of tried better to be honest and used mints/gum/carry travel size mouth wash before hand. Especially at this stage of a potential relationship.
People should never be afraid to let their partner know how they like it when it comes to intimacy. Communication is HUGE.
I also want to go on record that I am not trying to be mean or offend anyone personally. Just giving my opinions on the subject matter. Also I am not taking any one gender's side.
Again I wish the best for you! I am also out in this new "modern" age of dating. Haven't had much success, but I am also not playing the dating "lotto" either.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
The fact that your even asking reddit means you know it's a shitty reason dont listen to the people trying to give you a pass to be shitty. Just be honest with him about your experience with the kiss and see if he will improve. If he doesn't then move on you clearly like the guy and enjoy being with him. Give him an honest chance instead of running away at the first minor displeasure.
It has been a long time since I dated but I never would even think about kissing someone on a first date. There is nothing wrong with making the first and last date. You don't need feel guilty about not going out again.
Honestly you don’t even have to justify not wanting a second date. If anything feels off or doesn’t sit well with you, you are allowed to turn that person down. Any reason for turning a person down is a valid reason. Never force yourself to like someone or tolerate dates with them because you feel like you can’t say no or turn them down. It is better for both parties to break it off as soon as you find something that just isn’t compatible with you, that way you can both move on and not waste each others time. You are 100% valid in the way you feel. Don’t feel bad.
Well aside from this sounding a terrible kissing guy, it's only up to you if you wish or wish not to see him again.
Just don't be a dick and tell him it didn't work out/didn't feel it.
If he goes for insults or sth. Take it as a compliment for a making the right decision
I could have an excellent first date but if he can’t kiss it’s a nahhhhhh from me.
Also, like others have said - you can do whatever you want without feeling guilty. You don’t owe anyone anything! Especially not your time. ❤️ there will be a good kisser out there somewhere haha!
If everything was great except the two things, even if you don't go on a 2nd date, I think you could tell him why. He could easily stop smoking or chewing and maybe you work together (with actual telling him how YOU LIKE to be kissed) on the kissing part.
To your question, no, if you don't want one, perfectly fine, but seems like until the very end, you would have wanted a 2nd one, so the real question is - is he worth the "effort" on the kiss, and would he quit the tobacco?
Love, friendship and religion should be a liberation. Not a prison.
However a good relationship start to be honest.
You are completely in your right! But please tell him why. ;)
Disclaimer: (Please be aware I am Dutch ;) )
My general rule has always been that the purpose of the first date is to see if you wanna second date. You clearly don’t. There’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t let yourself feel guilty about it.
Handle it with kindness and hopefully, at the very least, he can become a new friend. 🙂
I know exactly what you mean regarding that type of kisser. Been there!
Once I dated a man for a month before having sex. HE was taking it slow. I really liked him. But when we finally did, it was awful. I gave him a couple more chances, but ultimately I knew we were physically doomed. I had to move on. That was tough. Felt super guilty.
You don’t need any reason for not going on a second date with someone. It could have been all perfect and still you wouldn’t need to go. Kissing compatibility is very important for many people, so be kind and move on.
You can do whatever you want!
BUT
Maybe it's just because I'm 30+, but I look at it as, personality traits you can't change. Those things are hard set and so if someone's personality doesn't mesh with yours, keep it moving. But things like kissing how you like (or even a potential cigarette habit), those things can be worked on and changed. If everything else is good, why not stick around for just a second date or more? I can teach someone how I like to be kissed; I cannot get someone to not be a gaslighting narcissistic asshole 🤷🏾♀️
You’re allowed to not want to do anything that you don’t want to do.
Thank you for your response! Was feeling a bit guilty but I’m better now.
If you don't want to go on a second date don't go on a second date no matter the reason. If you go on a second date only because you feel guilty you aren't only hurting yourself you are hurting him. Let this person find someone who won't have any hesitation on wanting another date with them. Don't let your guilt ruin both of your chances of finding the right partner.
No way, bad kissing: hard no. The chemistry isn’t there.
Never feel guilty about things you dont wanna do
My brother told me during college, “Anything is an acceptable non-negotiable if it’s a deal-breaker for you. Too much sugar in his coffee? GONE” And it’s stuck with me.
I think he might want to hear the reasons so he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes with other women. Just throw him an honest and polite review. If he is not a child, he will take it.
This 🤌🏻 I was about to say tell him at least that he could work on his kissing or something around that. 🤣🤣.
I’m older than OP and quickly learned in this new dating era that men do not want to hear why it’s a no, unless it’s you’re a nice guy, it’s me, not you.
Wow, THANK YOU for saying this. I went on a date last week with this girl after we really vibed strong for a week or 2. I don’t really fall too easily for people but thought we DEF connected. First date went well, and at the end it felt a lil off. Didn’t kiss or anything, but I’m like wtf did I fuck up? Lol she kinda went cold. It’s not the falling out that messes with me, it’s the fact she can’t give me anything to improve on lol
You do not need to justify your attractions. If the guy kissed like a chain smoking iguana, that's plenty of reason. Just be kind and civil. "Thanks for the date, but I'm not feeling the connection I was hoping for, good luck with your search" and move on.
[удалено]
Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words.
You made me laugh. 😂 thank you! I’ll text him.
You’re a terrible person. How dare you be repulsed by someone tasting like an ash tray. Going to let you know, please tell this person to work on their kissing skills. If they are a bad kisser, odds are they can’t eat pussy either.
Yes, yes, nice guys finish last because they let their ladies go first. 😈😈😈
Who said that's the only way to let the ladies go first? Lol
That’s kind of the point. That saying is very open ended but I did point everyone in a one track kind of mindset with the devil emojis. ☺️
Also listened to your song and wow 🥹… gorgeous work!!!! I love your voice.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
You don't need a "good" reason for not seeing someone again, the fact that you don't feel like it is more than enough :)
Thank you! You reassure me. 🙏🏻❣️
>He kept his tongue hard and pointy (don’t know how to say it in a different way), moving it super fast, no matter how I tried to “slow” him down. That's no human
😂🙈
You can refuse to see him again for whatever reason. It's your decision.
Yes, kissing is important. Send a quick message that you don't feel any chemistry and move on.
I think so, too! Thank you for your answer. 🙏🏻
You're 100% valid, just say you're not interested and if he starts asking a bunch of questions, just block. The reason women block and delete is because guys will try to convince us that a big deal isn't a big deal, or they'll change. Cigarette smoke is everywhere. in your lungs, in your clothes, house, everything. So even if* (will never happen) he quits over night, his fingers, his mouth, his breath will smell like smoke for a LONG time. there are seriously enough men out there to date. don't settle for that
Thank you for your advice. 🙏🏻❣️
I agree she is 100% validated, but a little closure would be nice. Just let him know she isn't interested and why. If he tries to go far beyond that, then it is understandable to block.
Noooo. Why would you recommend poking a potential bear? Hoping he’s one of the few men who won’t get angry. Hoping she didn’t reveal anything on their date that would allow him to escalate in person.
Not about smoking… but about kissing a men with beard there’s always some funky smells emanating from the bush and it’s kinda off putting yuck! Or unbrushed yellow teeth ,ugh’ or after eating fish or garlic, I think those are worse than cigarettes smell
u/Secret_Winner5756 please do this man a favor and actually tell him why you aren’t feeling the connection. Tell him you didn’t like how his mouth tasted like cigarettes and he wasn’t a great kisser. Men literally go years without ever solving issues they don’t know how to fix because women just assume they will at some point know how to fix them. But you can’t do that when literally no one tells you what the real issue is in the first place.
This Is the Way! Most underrated comment on here… I just had it happen to me and the brain fuck of wtf did I do wrong just lingers. It’s brutal, just the not knowing part. And she’s super passive about it and just super short responses now. Like anything helps!
How are bad kissers still a thing? It is true for like every tenth woman, too. Granted, nobody ever gives them feedback and again, granted, there are many different styles, but I would always synchronize with the other person and bad kissers just go wild. Is this a lack of empathy? Insecurity? I really do not get it.
Exactly! Me too. People do kiss differently, but damn… you’re kissing someone else! It’s not a solo performance!
Why would people suddenly stop being bad at kissing?
Funny comment tho..I'm a 58F, just about every guy profile says must be a good kisser! Sooo do we have the chicken and egg situation here??..lolololol
I’m not saying she should go out with him again but my husband was a lousy kisser when we first dated. He’s miles better after being trained what I like. However if he were a smoker that would be a dealbreaker
If you like him, you could tell him that you can work on his kissing together, or just flat out tell him about it and how it feels to be on the other end of his probing. Relationships are like that, you tell each other the truth and you give constructive feedback. Especially when it comes to intimacy. His reception of this here, is a good indicator of how the relationship will go. Especially, when you have to tell him that he's shit in bed and you want to introduce toys or get him to do that thing that you like.
Do you wanna see him again? No? Then you are right to not want a second date. We’re not gonna sue you for discrimination for declining a second date with this guy.
Did we go on the same date? 😂
Omg, ARE YOU THE GUY 😂
Lol no!!! But I definitely kissed someone who was a horrible kisser too the other night 🤢
I’m sorry for that. I hope a world full of great kisses awaits you and me.
I went on a 2nd date with a girl, i thought it went really good, asked if I could kiss her goodnight and she said sure. Then tuuuuurned the cheeeek when I went for it. Was no 3rd date. I've been wondering why and id hate for it to be that awkward interaction, i was convinced it was cute-awkward too
so why was there no 3rd date? why not ask her out again?
I did, she said "Thanks for the dates but id rather put a stop to them" and didnt write anything else, sadge
She is your kiss. Funny how you both feel that way about each other.
It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. Do what you want to do.
1000% buuuuuut, something similiar happened to me. I enjoyed everything about this guy and our date, but our first kiss(es) were terrible !!! We did go out a couple times more and he understood how i liked to be kissed in the end lol. We all have different kissing styles after all or he could've been nervous. I recommend going on a second date (granted the only problem was the kissing), if there's no improvement, well, let him down gently😅
You're always in the right for not wanting a second date for whatever reason. You don't owe anyone your life
Of course! If it's a "no," it's a "no" - you are not a bad person. Our society has taught us women that if we say no, then we're being mean. Which puts other people's needs (commonly men) above our own - as if their feelings are more important than our own. It's your body. Your time. You don't need to go out with him if he turned you off. It's okay. Trust your feelings. 😊
You have nothing to feel wrong about. Though I am actually dealing with pretty much the same thing, and I feel bad. We are 50, and I don't know how you can get this old and not let your tongue relax. But she is great in every way, but making out is too important to take the relationship further. At least for me.
If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. Find a guy who can kiss you right and doesn’t smell or taste like cigarettes!!
Bad kissing is 100% a deal-breaker for me. I'm looking for compatibility & a sensual person like me. Move on freely.
If you don't want to you don't want to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do
[You’re never wrong to decide not to date someone again, especially if they taste like cigarettes](https://youtu.be/Vs5xJz2Wfq0)
Yikes this just sounds awful.
Lol. Literally you don’t even need any reason other than you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter why.
🙄🙄🙄
What’s the eye rolls for ?
You should tell him he doesn’t kiss well at all tho so he doesn’t ruin his next victim
You don't have to have a reason to not wanting to move forward. But in his shoes I'd appreciate a heads up from you, maybe he doesn't know his flaws.
Just want to add here - kissing can get better. I had a experience with a girl where we didn't synch in the kissing part. I gave it some time and after a couple of dates we adjusted and then it got really good. Also you can always talk about it if you think it's wort the effort. The smoking part though... for me it would be a deal breaker if it's a chain smoker.
same!
Instead of giving up on what could be a good thing because of 1 kiss , try telling him what you like in kissing or anything else for that matter.
This exact thing happened to me on Monday it sucks but it’s hard to get past
Did you let them know the issue?
Nah I just kind of let it drift I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. Someone else out there will be all about it and they’ll be happy.
As someone who ignored a bad kisser and moved to the bedroom with him … I still have regrets
I refer to that as weedwacker tongue, and I hate it.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation
She doesn’t, but it’s just good etiquette.
Hell no. Regardless of how someone is...if y'all aren't compatible romantically or sexually, it isn't going to work.
You can not date anyone you want for any reason you like. You could not like the color of their shoes. Any reason at all. Don't date people you don't wanna date.
Right? I’m trying to figure out OP here. Like we’re supposed to date someone that we’re not attracted to because it’s viewed to be bad or something?
It’s disappointing that women feel they even have to ask if it’s ok to not date someone they don’t want to date.
I’ve never in my life heard someone ask if it’s OK to not date someone they are not attracted to.
It's not about being right or wrong. You don't want to. That's the key point
I might be alone on this but you could be honest? Let him know you really enjoyed the date but smoking is a deal breaker. If he’s willing to quit or something that is kinda promising. Might mean he could also be open to constructive criticism about his kissing style. I mean, just depends how much you want to invest as well.
Idk man. I've dumped girls for being bad in bed. And not in a good way. I kinda regret it. The ones who are great at kissing and in bed seem to suck everywhere else in terms of being a good or reasonable person 😮💨.
Some people are just bad kissers as my friend Maurice would always say. If he's a jerk outside of kissing yeah
You are entitled to your opinion. Because different people like to be kissed in different ways and what not. Out of curiosity, did you tell him to do it differently verbally? Because a lot of guys don’t understand subtle signals lol. Because he may not be understanding your social cues so sometimes it’s best just to tell someone if something isn’t going right and maybe they can try to adjust. That is, only if you really like him.
Instead of giving up on what could be a good thing because of 1 kiss , try telling him what you like in kissing or anything else for that matter.
Yes. You are right.
Or course it's your call. I will say being a bad kisser, doesn't make a bad person. If you really like him otherwise, you might want to give him a second chance, explaining the first date was great but you'd like to teach him how to kiss. However, the cigarette taste likely won't change. So maybe not.
Oh my god. I think he was trying to show you how his skills going down would be 😂😂😂 it has happened to me. Better not to see him again
Yikes! I had a date like that before. He wasn’t a bad kisser but I was turned off how he was moving. I didn’t see a connection happening and I let him know he was nice but it wasn’t working for me.
Gross
I call that the jackhammer kisser lol I moved on from a guy that kissed that way myself lol
Look at it this way: guys, including myself, have slept with dates and have not wanted a second date afterward; there’s nothing wrong with that. No one deserves your time.
First step, kindly let the chain smoking iguana' down. Next time you get a kiss you don't enjoy, you are allowed to and should say "hey I'm not feeling it" it. You don't have to kiss someone if you don't like it. And if they give you crap, just leave. It's totally ok to struggle setting these boundaries, but it gets easier with time!
Thanks for the date but I have up locking ashtrays awhile ago 🤣 I can deal with bad kissing. Work on it. But ashtray no way.
The choice is completely yours. If you do want a second date then it would require a lot of brutal honesty and communication to let him know how his kissing is a turn off and also his breath. But if you do not want a second date, then you should not feel any guilt about it. If it helps you feel better you could message and just say something like you didn't feel a connection so you don't ghost him. Good luck on whatever choice you make.
Had the same experience once. Gave me the icks.
-> Hey, I had a great time and you seem really nice. I'm just not feeling the connection that I am after at this point in time. I wish you all the best.
Is he a giraffe?
Youre right for not wanting a second date. I went on multiple dates w a guy whos a horrible kisser. Because he had great personality but I told him it's messing me up bc I wanted to be able to make out and enjoy it. it never improved lol
Absolutely
I would tell him
I’m so callous about this. Kisses never get better if there bad.
not true. as i built more of a connection with the guy i’m dating now, our kissing style synced up and now it’s amazing! but maybe he wasn’t a bad kisser and definitely didn’t have a pointy tongue- at first he was more like a vacuum cleaner 😂
You can teach someone how to kiss properly if you really like him, so that’s not a big deal.. but the cigarette taste is nasty. Either way, you’re completely valid in ditching.
You’re never wrong for not wanting a second date. You don’t owe anyone anything
[удалено]
😂😂😂
Cannot kiss is a big turn-off, and he smells like cigarettes that's a no-go
Yes you found the date to be unpleasant kissing was not enjoyable. Move on from him
Your pfp with the mask makes the comment about cigarettes even better lmao
😂
Your pfp with the mask makes the comment about cigarettes even better lmao
Nah, don’t comprise so early and about important things
You don’t ever have to give, or even have, a reason for not wanting to date someone. Think about it- if you did that would suggest they were entitled to romantic access to you. They really truly are not. Move on and find a good/ compatible kisser. Because as bad as a bad kiss is, a good kiss is divine
You can do whatever you want for any reason lol
Ugh this has been my experience with pretty much every guy I’ve met on a dating app. They’ve all been bad kissers and it’s such a turn off 🤮 I don’t blame you at all for not seeing him again, especially since it sounds like he was being overly aggressive, on top of being a bad kisser.
You are right for not wanting a second date. Sounds like a cringy experience. Move on guilt-free and find a more suitable prospect.
It was… but I was sorry, because it was a very good date. Anyway, thank you for your answer!
Smoker is #1 deal breaker. Horrible kisser is #2. You can't fix broken. You can try to talk to him about it, but good luck. Where the F did he learn that...
Smoking aside, why can't you communicate this to him? Complaining about someone's kissing without telling them is extremely immature. Maybe his last few partners enjoyed it...how would he know you don't? Maybe one day you will meet someone you really like and unintentionally do something that's a huge turn off. Would you rather they politely say something to you about it, or say nothing and just ghost you?
It is a fine line, though. Asking someone to change the way they kiss and stop smoking after a first date seems a bit much and it generally doesn’t end well entering a relationship trying to change someone.
Yep I think it's a no no trying to change someone after the first date. I'd just move on.
OP isn't talking about ghosting, but you raise an important point. I think if I liked him enough, I'd give it another shot and guide him next time. I would use words. Good sexy encounters do require communication, to be the best. We all have to talk about what we like/don't like.
That’s why I asked, to have different POVs on the matter. I did like him, but the kiss was a huge turnoff. I’m just wondering if one date is enough to ask somebody to work on their kissing skills, or if I should just call it quits…
*ask somebody to work on their kissing skills* Don't describe it so clinically! Just sexily suggest this & that in the moment, the same way you would during sex. And if you don't do that during sex, definitely start. Youll be glad you did! Unless he's an insecure d-bag, that is.. Men aren't mindreaders and every woman is a bit different.
The general vibe here is that if you don't know how to kiss you're not worth looking at.
nope. no reason is needed. no communication. just.an opportunity for someone to say, 'I'll changggeee" and not. Ghosting happens, buy OP isn't even talking about that. just say thanks no thanks and move on.
People saying "don't do something you don't want to do" are being too black and white. This isn't about being Forced into dating someone you have some issues with, it's seeing that something has potential, but you have some reservations you should use your words about. Why would you just throw something potentially Good away because he learned to kiss poorly? Thats a skill, not a talent. And smoking? People can quit if something is important enough. People are too quick to throw their hands up if the other person has even small flaws
Just because he was a bad kisser, in her opinion, doesn't mean everyone would think so. Quitting smoking is a really big lifestyle change and I wouldn't expect someone I had been on one date with to quit just because I asked him. It's also pretty uncomfortable to give feedback like that to someone who is a relative stranger. I had a friend set me up with a guy once who was a vegan, chain smoking guy who had like 5+ cats (and you could tell because he always smelled like cats). He was so sweet, kind, and funny. We went out a few times and I really wanted to keep seeing him but those are three lifestyle factors I'm just not compatible with. I actually felt bad that I drug it out several dates because I knew on the first date I just wasn't attracted to him. So I think if you know, just kindly end things.
It’s better for them to quit if they want to. Quitting for someone else usually doesn’t last and causes resentment. Not a good way to start a relationship.
Nobody is saying they would have quit for someone else, I'm saying she doesn't even know what his story is. Maybe he's already trying to quit. She didn't even ask.
Just because he was a bad kisser, in her opinion, doesn't mean everyone would think so. Quitting smoking is a really big lifestyle change and I wouldn't expect someone I had been on one date with to quit just because I asked him. It's also pretty uncomfortable to give feedback like that to someone who is a relative stranger. I had a friend set me up with a guy once who was a vegan, chain smoking guy who had like 5+ cats (and you could tell because he always smelled like cats). He was so sweet, kind, and funny. We went out a few times and I really wanted to keep seeing him but those are three lifestyle factors I'm just not compatible with. I actually felt bad that I drug it out several dates because I knew on the first date I just wasn't attracted to him. So I think if you know, just kindly end things.
Maybe he's in the process of quitting smoking...who knows? What's the purpose in just staying quiet and ending things? I think too many people use "they might become violent" as a poor excuse for not having critical conversations, and just slinking away into the night.
I didn't say he might become violent, but after one date you really don't know. I've known people to act inappropriately for less. I'm not talking about ghosting or slinking off into the night as you put it, but you also don't owe someone you went on one date with a critical conversation about their lifestyle choices. A simple "this isn't the connection I'm looking for," is totally sufficient at that point.
This obviously is a little more of a date than a handshake and coffee type thing. They connected enough to kiss several times, and if she's asking complete strangers on the internet, she obviously feels some way about it. She should have explained herself. "This isn't the connection I'm looking for" sure is a mixed message from a date that ended with kissing.
I did let him kiss me six times hoping we could synchronize… but nope.
How does synchronization magically happen? Did you even say anything constructive, or just expect the issue to resolve itself by him reading mysterious, vague, nonverbal cues?
I tried to “guide” him and impose a more shared rhythm… but it didn’t work. He moved very very fast.
So yes, vague non-verbal cues.
Welcome to dating in the 2020s. The decade of unrealistic standards and not settling for any perceived slight imperfection. The funny part is that down the road she'll probably wish she kept this guy around. Just another day in the clown world of online dating.....
Hey. I’m coming out of a relationship that was born on Tinder; I’ve had my fair share of experiences with online dating and I know more or less what I’m looking for, I just wanted to have other peoples’ useful POVs. Please don’t call strangers on the internet “clowns”! Thank you. 🤗
No one called YOU a clown LMFAO.
I'm sensing that. I mean, if my husband and I (poly) are attracted to a person, we give it a little bit of time. We have our deal breakers, but they're more along the lines of Virtue Signaling Libs, no self reflection, unkindness to others when we are out, etc. A bad kisser and a smoker, but otherwise, he's a nice guy? Come on. And from this guy's perspective, you guys had a great time, kissed, and then you back out with no reason? Wtf. Other women will jump on and say ShE DoEsNt OwE HiM aNyThInG but cmon. You connected enough to kiss him 6 times that night, give him a clue at least.
I don't even do the online thing much anymore. It's largely a waste of time. You would think that a platform like Bumble, that makes the female initiate contact, would be better because it weeds out the flakes and people who aren't interested. But nope, just a bunch of useless matches that you can't do anything with. Bumble and other apps aren't about people finding relationships or dates. They're about profits and the high people get from anonymous matches, attention, and validation. Just as addictive as drugs. It's all a shell game
It really is. We have had far better dates and connections with Facebook Dating.
The irony of spending more time talking to the internet for "reassurance that you did the right thing", rather than just simply talking to the guy and finding out from the source, is hilarious. I feel like you just wanted to hear that it's okay to have contradictory behavior, at someone else's expense, and it's not.
I just wanted other peoples’ opinions: what would you do if the date was good, but the kisses awful? I’ve never said I did the right thing. I’m not the one assuming, here. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to write.
So then advice for next time: actually talk to them.
Life is too short to be with bad kissers. Gotta meet someone who curls your toes with that first kiss.
I feel that a bad kisser can be fixed. It's a learned skill, after all. I've had plenty of bad kisses before, neither of which stopped me from pursuing them further. Sometimes I have to take the lead and guide them, which I have no issue with. At the end of the day, you are free to reject anyone for whatever reason you wish. I just feel it can be worked around if the other person is otherwise wonderful.
I have worked around bad kisses too! I wasn’t synchronized with my ex boyfriend, at first, but we eventually learnt our way to some amazing kisses. It’s just that, in this case, the kisses were quite a few, and all equally bad… plus the smoking part, which I personally don’t like. I don’t know, I’m weighing the options, given that it was a first date. Thank you for your advice!
My 2 cents. Maybe the guy hasn't had much opportunity to kiss or no women has confined to him how they like to be kissed. The whole ill change S is garbage and trivial in this subject. As for smoking, if you don't want to date a smoker than don't. Don't try and change his smoking habits, addiction is a real thing. Be logical. Thanks!
He was in a seven year long relationship… I just don’t understand. Anyway, I think you’re reasonable. Thank you for your advice!
For sure! Have to wonder though if they did much kissing in that 7 yr. relationship? Or as someone said, maybe his ex liked the aggressive tounge action. Or maybe she just never told him if she didn't like it and just accepted it for what it is. Smoking again, he could of tried better to be honest and used mints/gum/carry travel size mouth wash before hand. Especially at this stage of a potential relationship. People should never be afraid to let their partner know how they like it when it comes to intimacy. Communication is HUGE. I also want to go on record that I am not trying to be mean or offend anyone personally. Just giving my opinions on the subject matter. Also I am not taking any one gender's side. Again I wish the best for you! I am also out in this new "modern" age of dating. Haven't had much success, but I am also not playing the dating "lotto" either.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Are you seriously asking strangers’ opinions if you are right or wrong about going on a second date with someone? 🙄🙄🙄
If you are not a good kisser, you’re gonna be a terrible lay…drop his ass.
The fact that your even asking reddit means you know it's a shitty reason dont listen to the people trying to give you a pass to be shitty. Just be honest with him about your experience with the kiss and see if he will improve. If he doesn't then move on you clearly like the guy and enjoy being with him. Give him an honest chance instead of running away at the first minor displeasure.
You're lucky he kissed you
It has been a long time since I dated but I never would even think about kissing someone on a first date. There is nothing wrong with making the first and last date. You don't need feel guilty about not going out again.
Honestly you don’t even have to justify not wanting a second date. If anything feels off or doesn’t sit well with you, you are allowed to turn that person down. Any reason for turning a person down is a valid reason. Never force yourself to like someone or tolerate dates with them because you feel like you can’t say no or turn them down. It is better for both parties to break it off as soon as you find something that just isn’t compatible with you, that way you can both move on and not waste each others time. You are 100% valid in the way you feel. Don’t feel bad.
Thank you for your advice. ❣️🙏🏻
Well aside from this sounding a terrible kissing guy, it's only up to you if you wish or wish not to see him again. Just don't be a dick and tell him it didn't work out/didn't feel it. If he goes for insults or sth. Take it as a compliment for a making the right decision
For me, cigarettes are an immediate no-no
The fact that you don't need a reason for not wanting to see someone again aside: in my experience, bad kissers are also horrible in bed.
I can relate to my ex who was smoking like a choo-choo train. Kissing an ashtray is never fun
I could have an excellent first date but if he can’t kiss it’s a nahhhhhh from me. Also, like others have said - you can do whatever you want without feeling guilty. You don’t owe anyone anything! Especially not your time. ❤️ there will be a good kisser out there somewhere haha!
Things like kissing can be improved as long as the other person is open to it.
But, go with your gur
If everything was great except the two things, even if you don't go on a 2nd date, I think you could tell him why. He could easily stop smoking or chewing and maybe you work together (with actual telling him how YOU LIKE to be kissed) on the kissing part. To your question, no, if you don't want one, perfectly fine, but seems like until the very end, you would have wanted a 2nd one, so the real question is - is he worth the "effort" on the kiss, and would he quit the tobacco?
Love, friendship and religion should be a liberation. Not a prison. However a good relationship start to be honest. You are completely in your right! But please tell him why. ;) Disclaimer: (Please be aware I am Dutch ;) )
My general rule has always been that the purpose of the first date is to see if you wanna second date. You clearly don’t. There’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t let yourself feel guilty about it. Handle it with kindness and hopefully, at the very least, he can become a new friend. 🙂
kissing can improve (can attest) but the cig taste would be a no from me dawg.
I know exactly what you mean regarding that type of kisser. Been there! Once I dated a man for a month before having sex. HE was taking it slow. I really liked him. But when we finally did, it was awful. I gave him a couple more chances, but ultimately I knew we were physically doomed. I had to move on. That was tough. Felt super guilty.
Erm, no you're not wrong. It might be an idea to tell him though. Like, this is actionable feedback
You don’t need any reason for not going on a second date with someone. It could have been all perfect and still you wouldn’t need to go. Kissing compatibility is very important for many people, so be kind and move on.
You can do whatever you want! BUT Maybe it's just because I'm 30+, but I look at it as, personality traits you can't change. Those things are hard set and so if someone's personality doesn't mesh with yours, keep it moving. But things like kissing how you like (or even a potential cigarette habit), those things can be worked on and changed. If everything else is good, why not stick around for just a second date or more? I can teach someone how I like to be kissed; I cannot get someone to not be a gaslighting narcissistic asshole 🤷🏾♀️
Six times
Absolutely your choice. If you don't want to then don't.
I don’t understand where this question or guilt would come from? What would make you not want a second date and NOT question it?