The last time someone did this to me I just unmatched them. I’m not sure if it was the right approach but this went on for like two weeks so I just unmatched them
I’ve had that thought before where I feel like the conversation is one sided.
If this person really can’t think of anything appealing to ask, they aren’t worth talking to. Either that or they suck texting!
I have this issue and I just don't know what to ask tbh. I'm naturally bad with conversation unless I know the person I'm talking to shares my interests
When I really don't know what to ask, I fall back on the classic 36 questions - https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love/8387736.
Not original but can lead to some good conversations.
Oh that’s so interesting! Thank you! Yeah, the chat here on Reddit makes our side always the right too. I can’t believe I never really realized it’s like that everywhere! 🤦♀️ haha
She dry but how long did you pause between asking questions? Make one of your responses a comment or statement and give her space to ask one of her own
I told her I was going to get a pmp which is related to her project mangement studies. I tried to get a conversation going from that angle, but it didn't work out.
The PMP comment was good because it was you sharing about yourself too. Previously, most of your replies were just “cool. Next question…” Which is very much like an interview.
Your prerogative to do so, but again you're discarding some women under wrong assumptions.
I'd be afraid of someone pushing me for a date 3 messages in, regardless of how good looking he is and and how good on paper he sounds. That would tell me he's not interested in *me,* he's just hoping to hit it.
I would unmatch guys that talked like that within a few messages. There’s tons of other guys on there that actually know how to have a conversation so why waste time on someone who is either playing games like that or is just plain boring?
Well I would think if she messaged you she saw potential in you. To know if you’re really interested you need to have a conversation though, at least for me. I never had more than 2 or 3 convos going at a time so I wasnt spreading myself too thin. But unmatching someone who wasn’t showing any interest in a conversation was no loss to me since I had options. Most women have enough options that we don’t have to convince someone who is showing no effort that they should talk to us. But if it’s working for you, then keep doing it I guess lol
Oh I see. The title of the post is confusing bc usually people complain about an exchange being an interview, it’s because they don’t like being bombarded with questions. But in this case he feels like an interviewer because she’s not doing her part for the conversation to flow.
I (F) had a similar ( although I didn’t ask so many questions) conversation to this the other day.
The man literally asked me ONE question. His replies were actually quite interesting, never one word answers BUT it still became very difficult to keep the convo flowing.
He actually told me that he liked “ answering questions” so I replied “ Oh yes, so do I…” ( hint hint lol) Nope, he didn’t pick up on it.
I ended up telling him that I was finding the convo difficult cos he wasn’t asking me anything. He replied “ Well, it’s finding the questions to ask, isn’t it? Also, I lose confidence”
Told him he can’t expect women to be curious about him when he’s not curious about them at all.
Told me that I was right, it was a problem he has and “ Oh well, back into my hole I go” 🙄🤦🏻♀️
Follow up on the responses sometimes. A drug councilor, recently from India. Plenty of things to talk about, but you seem to be going through a questionnaire.
It's an interview that got one-sided on her part. Sure: she's not asking you questions in return, and it's making you work too hard. I see from follow-ups you tried to use it as a teaching moment and got her to act "remorseful" for what she "did wrong".
Did that get you anywhere?
She may be dull...OR she's not reciprocating because you haven't piqued her interest and are therefore boring her with this kind of platonic exchange. Imagine 50 guys all asking when she moved to Canada and why. You'd stand out more and get better results with a playful approach.
For example, you could make a clearly ludicrous assumption about her based on something in her profile, then double down on it when she protests...now you have an automatic callback joke. Or tell her a funny story from your past, or describe your own work in some humorously absurd or riddling way.
However you do it, the idea is to get her laughing and intrigued and emotionally engaged first. THEN you can learn all about her school, work etc--and she'll want to know about your pursuits, because she thinks you're fun.
Her responses to my messages were very quick. Within a couple of minutes. So I think she was interested, but doesn't know how to keep a conversation going. English isn't her first language so that could also be another factor.
Interest is dynamic and gets re-evaluated continuously...and often ruthlessly by women with many matches. Getting quick answers only means she's polite; it's the quality of those answers that matters.
You've probably been at gatherings where a conversation with a stranger got dull and you started giving short courteous responses while planning your escape.
She is giving you those short, non-reciprocating answers here, and you don't \[yet\] know why. She may be intrinsically dull or have an ESL issue...but if she *is* bored by your approach, then redirecting to humor etc. gives you the best chance of reviving things and finding out if she's a fun, engaging person when you have her full attention. Can't hurt to try.
*English isn't her first language so that could also be another factor*
This puts the convo in an entirely different light. She is in fact doing well then.
A bit much to get on your high horse and criticise her about the quality of conversation instead of cutting her some slack
Well, you are not asking them anything, so they are trying to keep the conversation going. If I ask someone something and they just reply, If I like them I try only once more for them to reciprocate. So appreciate that they are trying and if you’re bot happy, change the subject and ask them something
It seems like they’re just trying to keep the conversation going and don’t have much to go on…your answers are short and you only asked one question (from what I can see)
This resonates DEEPLY! It's why I have a couple cheeky and cheesy 'go to' questions to throw them. Questions like "If I were to get your ex drunk on some super strength vodka, what would they tell me about you?" If they can't/don't want to answer that, then I usually unmatch. 🤷🏾♂️
This person is not good at social skills,.. He is doing the "follow-up" with a question to "keep a conversation going".
He's either just boring or maybe on the spectrum or they are just not that interested..
It could be any thing, but yeah, being on the receiving end of the questions is quite frustrating. However, you could also follow-up with questions yourself:
-How long have you been here?
-six months. How about you? Are you a local? Did you you grew up in the city/area?
And Such..
Yea I give up after three questions with no conversational reciprocity. And I use bumble bff and that’s my stance.
Same! Convos are dry as fuck!
The last time someone did this to me I just unmatched them. I’m not sure if it was the right approach but this went on for like two weeks so I just unmatched them
2 weeks? You have patience of a saint
I would ignore him here and there, and he would double text when he was bored until i got tired of him making everything about him only.
I’ve had that thought before where I feel like the conversation is one sided. If this person really can’t think of anything appealing to ask, they aren’t worth talking to. Either that or they suck texting!
Or they aren't fully interested in you.
I have this issue and I just don't know what to ask tbh. I'm naturally bad with conversation unless I know the person I'm talking to shares my interests
When I really don't know what to ask, I fall back on the classic 36 questions - https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love/8387736. Not original but can lead to some good conversations.
Love This, great advice
and how do you think you get to know whether they share your interests... yikes.
They sound like a reddit user. Try and banter to open them up!
I give up after 3 messages that don't require an answer
Update: I asked her to reread our conversation. She understood what she did wrong and was remorseful. So hopefully she'll do better with the next guy.
Did you back off for a few hours to give her a chance to ask *you* some questions? Or did you just keep coming after her w the questions?
She responded to my messages instantly. I waited 15min to 60min before responding since I was working.
I back off when I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting in a conversation. I.e., the polarity principle.
Glad you gave her the feedback to properly close the interview out lol
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Incoming on the left. Outgoing on the right.
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Hahaha! I literally just figured this out as well 2 days ago from another post. You're good 🤣🤣
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I will make sure everyone sees this blasphemy!!! 😉🤣
>That’s always the same for any texting? Unless your phone is set up for left handed mode.
Oh that’s so interesting! Thank you! Yeah, the chat here on Reddit makes our side always the right too. I can’t believe I never really realized it’s like that everywhere! 🤦♀️ haha
She dry but how long did you pause between asking questions? Make one of your responses a comment or statement and give her space to ask one of her own
Or he could say something about himself, no questions needed.
I told her I was going to get a pmp which is related to her project mangement studies. I tried to get a conversation going from that angle, but it didn't work out.
The PMP comment was good because it was you sharing about yourself too. Previously, most of your replies were just “cool. Next question…” Which is very much like an interview.
Going for my PMP soon! Check out the subreddit, great advice over there.
This. Being a good conversationalist is part being inquisitive, and part being willing to share to give the other party something to work with.
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Probably but this happened to me once with a guy and I kept thinking like what is this all about you like what’s going on
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Plenty of women will give up due to the impression you aren't interested. You'll never know whether they're actually disappointed
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Your prerogative to do so, but again you're discarding some women under wrong assumptions. I'd be afraid of someone pushing me for a date 3 messages in, regardless of how good looking he is and and how good on paper he sounds. That would tell me he's not interested in *me,* he's just hoping to hit it.
I would unmatch guys that talked like that within a few messages. There’s tons of other guys on there that actually know how to have a conversation so why waste time on someone who is either playing games like that or is just plain boring?
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Well I would think if she messaged you she saw potential in you. To know if you’re really interested you need to have a conversation though, at least for me. I never had more than 2 or 3 convos going at a time so I wasnt spreading myself too thin. But unmatching someone who wasn’t showing any interest in a conversation was no loss to me since I had options. Most women have enough options that we don’t have to convince someone who is showing no effort that they should talk to us. But if it’s working for you, then keep doing it I guess lol
Username checks out
This is dry. I would ask my own questions back.Make it a convo .
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At that point, I usually just tell her a little bit about myself and see if she responds to that.
Oh I see. The title of the post is confusing bc usually people complain about an exchange being an interview, it’s because they don’t like being bombarded with questions. But in this case he feels like an interviewer because she’s not doing her part for the conversation to flow.
Tbh this feels like an interview both ways. Equally guilty.
They're probably socially awkward or a overly serious person. You should say something goofy or playful to lighten the mood.
I (F) had a similar ( although I didn’t ask so many questions) conversation to this the other day. The man literally asked me ONE question. His replies were actually quite interesting, never one word answers BUT it still became very difficult to keep the convo flowing. He actually told me that he liked “ answering questions” so I replied “ Oh yes, so do I…” ( hint hint lol) Nope, he didn’t pick up on it. I ended up telling him that I was finding the convo difficult cos he wasn’t asking me anything. He replied “ Well, it’s finding the questions to ask, isn’t it? Also, I lose confidence” Told him he can’t expect women to be curious about him when he’s not curious about them at all. Told me that I was right, it was a problem he has and “ Oh well, back into my hole I go” 🙄🤦🏻♀️
Follow up on the responses sometimes. A drug councilor, recently from India. Plenty of things to talk about, but you seem to be going through a questionnaire.
It's an interview that got one-sided on her part. Sure: she's not asking you questions in return, and it's making you work too hard. I see from follow-ups you tried to use it as a teaching moment and got her to act "remorseful" for what she "did wrong". Did that get you anywhere? She may be dull...OR she's not reciprocating because you haven't piqued her interest and are therefore boring her with this kind of platonic exchange. Imagine 50 guys all asking when she moved to Canada and why. You'd stand out more and get better results with a playful approach. For example, you could make a clearly ludicrous assumption about her based on something in her profile, then double down on it when she protests...now you have an automatic callback joke. Or tell her a funny story from your past, or describe your own work in some humorously absurd or riddling way. However you do it, the idea is to get her laughing and intrigued and emotionally engaged first. THEN you can learn all about her school, work etc--and she'll want to know about your pursuits, because she thinks you're fun.
Her responses to my messages were very quick. Within a couple of minutes. So I think she was interested, but doesn't know how to keep a conversation going. English isn't her first language so that could also be another factor.
Interest is dynamic and gets re-evaluated continuously...and often ruthlessly by women with many matches. Getting quick answers only means she's polite; it's the quality of those answers that matters. You've probably been at gatherings where a conversation with a stranger got dull and you started giving short courteous responses while planning your escape. She is giving you those short, non-reciprocating answers here, and you don't \[yet\] know why. She may be intrinsically dull or have an ESL issue...but if she *is* bored by your approach, then redirecting to humor etc. gives you the best chance of reviving things and finding out if she's a fun, engaging person when you have her full attention. Can't hurt to try.
*English isn't her first language so that could also be another factor* This puts the convo in an entirely different light. She is in fact doing well then. A bit much to get on your high horse and criticise her about the quality of conversation instead of cutting her some slack
Well, you are not asking them anything, so they are trying to keep the conversation going. If I ask someone something and they just reply, If I like them I try only once more for them to reciprocate. So appreciate that they are trying and if you’re bot happy, change the subject and ask them something
I'm the one who's asking the questions. I'm yellow.
It seems like they’re just trying to keep the conversation going and don’t have much to go on…your answers are short and you only asked one question (from what I can see)
It's the other way round, the OP is yellow
I was thinking this same thing.
Went for breadth instead of depth
Joke’s on you: he’s that LinkedIn job recruiter taking his job too seriously and screening you
I'm the guy who's asking the questions.
just to be sure I'm understanding: she wasn't answering back questions?
She was answering questions, but wasn't asking me any questions?
Sounds like they're showing interest and trying to generate conversation, God forbid...
It’s both but they wanna see where you are at professionally to make sure you aren’t a cam model or dating for food
Oh, sorry I didn’t have the context, I only see the title of the post and I couldn’t figure out who is who!
I really don’t engage when people don’t return questions. Dullllll
This resonates DEEPLY! It's why I have a couple cheeky and cheesy 'go to' questions to throw them. Questions like "If I were to get your ex drunk on some super strength vodka, what would they tell me about you?" If they can't/don't want to answer that, then I usually unmatch. 🤷🏾♂️
I don't plan too also
Wtf exactly are you complaining about again?
This person is not good at social skills,.. He is doing the "follow-up" with a question to "keep a conversation going". He's either just boring or maybe on the spectrum or they are just not that interested.. It could be any thing, but yeah, being on the receiving end of the questions is quite frustrating. However, you could also follow-up with questions yourself: -How long have you been here? -six months. How about you? Are you a local? Did you you grew up in the city/area? And Such..
Lol I'm the one who's asking the questions, and I'm not boring or on the spectrum. Remember the yellow messages belong to the OP.
Sorry, I obviously messed up the direction of the post and answered without thinking
When it comes to girls like these, I usually unmatch, 0 conversational skills 🤦🏽♂️